#Any time I've been high my emotions run rampant so I was like

[tentamissilebrat]

I love you, I just don't trust you

.....Sooooooo @house-of-laminations, uh, you mentioned I should send you a link when I have some writing up but I haven't finished any of the stories I have for Obey Me. I will post them, though, to this account when I finally, uh, get the courage to finish them, I guess. Probably to an Ao3 too. But just in case you wanted a sample of some of my writing? I went kind of ham on this so, uh…

Content: Poly!MC with the brothers, Solomon, and Lord Diavolo (Although I guess you can read everything outside of Lord Diavolo as platonic, but generally I write and think of this MC as poly), MC is nonbinary, MC has been given an honesty potion and trust issues are revealed with Diavolo.

Warnings: Reader/MC under the influence, mentions of previous and somewhat current drug use, panic attacks, despair, and lots of ANGST. If you like fluff, there's a ton of it with the brothers in the beginning but once it gets to Diavolo, it's all downhill. There’s a little peak of spice but I promise it’s half a teaspoon of it.

Sidenote: I uh, due to personal reasons, I have a hard time saying the boys names out loud, so I either used their in-game nicknames or made up some of my own. So like Levi, Beel, Belphie, and Asmo all have their usual nicknames but Mammon is now almost always "Mamo" (Not sure if that's his canon nickname or not anymore) and Satan is "Sati" (Saw-tee) and Lucifer is "Luce" (Lu-say). The reason the MC (technically my MC) of this fic uses them is because they have a "rule" (it's not a real rule but the brothers act like it) where MC only gives nicknames to those they have a pact with. It's not true! But it's funny to go along with it, so my MC does. Hope that clears anything up!

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You have learned quite a few things tonight. For one, you know how honesty potions taste like and, honestly, they taste like getting high. You feel like you're swimming in fog, your attention slipping and sliding off of everything as you sink below misty gray only to resurface back up again a second later. The boys hover you as you bob along in the floating sea, hands shaking you gently and fingers running through your short curls. Someone (maybe Sati?) holds your face between his hands and starts asking you the mundane questions: "Do you know who you are?", "How are you feeling?", "How many fingers am I holding up?", "Do you want us to kill Paimon for you? We'd really like to."

You state your name but giggle as you tell them you're the human exchange student, because it seems so funny to tell them who you are. You giggle some more and say, "I feel great! Never better! I must have taken sooooo much though! I can't tell what this is! Is it weed? Or Morphine? Is this what mushrooms feels like?"

You squint when he holds up some fingers but you laugh and say, "Two! For peace!"

But at the last question, you frown and shake your head, "No, no killing please." You're not even sure why they'd kill him, he's just that nice demon boy who gave you the pretty green and pink drink that made you feel this nice! They must not like him and you repeat again that they can't kill him.

Everyone settles around you for a while after that. They ask you who your favorite brother is (they all become annoyed when you answer you don't have one, but are somewhat mollified when you add that you love them all), Mamo asks you if he's secretly your favorite (you repeat you don't have favorites, but tell me he is special because he's your first. Luce has to put an end to the favorite questions after that train wreck of a six way argument, giving you a side eye when you sloppily encourage the chaos), and finally, all the boys start picking strange, silly questions to ask you. Your favorite human, Devildom, and Celestial foods? Your favorite color and nail polish design? Your favorite place to go in the human world and the Devildom? And so much more, under that strange, little vein. You laugh and laugh because they could have just asked you before all of this. Truthfully, you do feel a little more....open to answering some of them and the giddiness is only made better when they accept your answers, when they tease you but ultimately accept those quirky things about you. You can tell the distance you put in between yourself and every single person you talk to melts away, the fear of rejection or humiliation eases in you, and you feel amazing,

You feel like you're bouncing on clouds and it makes you babble, carelessly spilling out anything and everything that pops into your head; some of it shooting out like fireworks, loud bursts that ring out in the middle of the common room. Mamo and Asmo laugh and goad you into some sillier questions but they get curbed by the all seeing eye of their older brother, who gives off quite the mean glare from over your shoulder. You answer Levi's every question about animes you like, manga you read, and manhwa you have on your list. None of the brothers seem to understand why he asks you such normal questions, but you understand. Levi wants to know your real thoughts on it all and to see if he's been caught in some of the lies you tell other people. You feel even more giggly when he realizes you've always been truthful to him, you've always been good to him. Sati and Belphie try to get you to say something bad about Luce, but after your sticky sweet gushing about how much you love him and the Anti-Luce league for five solid minutes, all three boys beg you to stop, blushing hotly and wildly as the others all laugh. Beel asks you normal things, things he would if you were sober, and you kiss his cheek in a fit of love, which means you're kissing a whole bunch of dumb, demon boy cheeks after that.

Purgatory Hall gets a few texts on the situation and while Asmo is left in charge of your phone, he does ask you a few of the questions from the four of them (Raphael is there too and, shockingly, is worried about you. Asmo down right cackles as he sends your surprise at his concern and Raphael straight up tries to call your phone). Luke and Simeon are just worried---along with Raphael---but Solomon gets in a cheeky "Am I your favorite human?" which is answered with a video Asmo took of you saying "I suppose someone ought to be and I guess it should be you".

You were leaning heavily on Beel as you said it and even he can't stop his own laughter as the room erupts with it. Despite that, Solomon apparently saved the video and considers it a victory.

It's a little after this that Barbados and Lord Diavolo come over, whom you greet with a few over eager waves of hello. They are their usual polite smiles and mundane questions themselves, but by that time in the night (day? afternoon?) that they've come over to check on you, your high is starting to reach a particular phase for you: the time distortion. Five minutes fly by in what feels like several seconds and three minutes feels like fifteen in another instant. Sometimes you take big, shaky breaths until someone always reaches for your hand to grab it, to pull you back to reality. Soon, big shaky breaths turn into someone having to walk you through calming your breathing every minute or so. You smile and tell them you’re fine, but your heart beats wildly in the drop of a second and you babble because your anxiety has entered the high.

You register that everyone needs to go or something for a few minutes (you keep asking and they try and tell you, soft and slow, that they need to find a way to stop the honesty potion, but you keep slipping and they can see it in your eyes, when they lose you to the foggy waves) and all you register is everyone's concern. Everyone decides you can't be left alone and you agree, but being that honest doesn't pull a giggle out of you. You feel uncomfortable now, the fog running through your mind is less like a fun romp and much more frightening and malevolent now; dark shapes lurking between the gray waves. The questions become simpler, more humdrum again. It robs you of all the giggles but you're afraid to tip over now, because you don't know how long you'll dive down into the waves before you can resurface.

You blink and look around and see only Lord Diavolo there, sitting next to you on the couch, holding your hand and smiling at you. It looks a little sad so you bring your free hand up to cup his face. It's a little clumsier than normal so it looks like you're pawing at him, something that brings a little more light to his smile as he presses his face into that hand, holding his hand over yours. You purr and marvel at the heat.

"I love that," you breathe and lean in, hoping you can catch the scent of cinnamon and smoke.

His eyes burn when he looks at you, "What do you love?"

"Your warmth and your heat," you say simply but you feel your mouth running away from you as you continue, "the smell of you, the way you spin me around when you hug me, the way you encourage me to challenge you at every game, they way you never let me win so when I do win it feels like a real victory, when you hold me in the dark of your room and tell me---"

His mouth is searing hot and your tongue slips in to feel his teeth, running the tip along the edges of his not-so-hidden fangs. He gets you to stop the same way he always does, by breaking the kiss off only to start kissing you anew. He worries about your lips and tongue on his teeth, worries he'll cut you, and you wish you could tell him right now that you hope so. Honestly, all the boys are like this and it frustrates you; why do they even have claws, teeth, and tails if they won't use them on you? You wanted them to treat you better when you all first met and now, years into loving them, you wish they would be a little more rough with you again.

When Lord Diavolo pulls away once more (and you chase after one last peck before settling heavily into the couch) you give a slurred reply of "I rreeeeaaaaalllly loooooove those kisses~!"

He laughs but it trickles into something painful and he squeezes your hand, "Forgive me, I...I definitely shouldn't have done that while you're like this."

"I don't mind kissing when I'm like this," you say, because your heart is hammering all of a sudden because you messed up, didn't you? Now he feels bad because you never had this talk with him. You've talked to the boys about this and even Solomon, but you never said to Lord Diavolo that he can do this. You like kissing when you're drunk or high, but only with the people you're dating. You don't regret kissing when you…feel comfortable with the person.

"I like it actually," you whisper, embarrassed but suddenly worried, frantic, and the fog lifts a little as the panic spreads, "I do, I promise, please don't---"

Lord Diavolo rubs the back of your hand, shushing you gently. He leans over to kiss the middle of your forehead. You close your eyes and breathe in; you don't smell the cinnamon, but there's something like incense in his smell along with the smoke. You breathe in again and it’s familiar enough to help you dip back down, the fog surrounding you once again.

“It's okay, you're okay," he coos, taking your other hand and giving both of your hands another squeeze, "Just let me know when I make you uncomfortable."

And you know what you want to say, Of course! You never need to worry about that! And you know you would have said that if you were sober because you have, you have said something to that exact concern during one of these talks. You would have said that because you mean what you say, mostly, and you don't really feel guilty (mostly) when you tell him something like that because you're not lying---mostly.

But your mouth moves beyond you and you, instead, say, "I can't always do that."

His face falls and so does your stomach. You pull away to slap your hands over your mouth and the fog is gone, gone, gone but the sluggishness is still trapped in your bones so when you try to get up, you just fall back down. You almost try again but Lord Diavolo's hands are on your arms and you feel the panic surging.

He calls your name but you shake your head and you can hear the strain of your harsh breathing through your nose. He calls your name again, more commanding, and you look at him and he doesn't look like the Lord Diavolo you know. He doesn't even look like the man you nicknamed "Dia" at the amusement park. No, he looks just as frantic, just as hurt, as you are. More of the fog is cut down but you can feel it now, the compulsion to say more, to keep going and going and going---

"You lie," you say and you can't move your hands, you can't bite your lips, you can't stop this, "You lie or you don't tell me things and then it's hard for me to know that you care, that you want me."

Your breathing is scraping at your throat and you feel heat behind your eyes. His expression is cracking, bursting at the seams, and it's the saddest you've ever seen him. You can't stop and he can't stop you.

"You replaced me," and your voice breaks as tears start running down your cheeks. He flinches and you give another cry as you say, "You knew I would die if I saw Belphie so the me from this timeline was replaced. I wonder, so often, if you'll have me replaced by another version of me."

He squeezes your arms tight, "I would never replace you."

"But you did," you sob and then you sob harder when he stays silent, when he says nothing. His expression and the truth of his silence hangs between the both of you. Still, the compulsion isn't satisfied.

"Y-you didn't t-t-tell me...about--" Your voice is trying to push through as you cry, the feeling of tears running tracks all the way down to your chin and your neck, and you struggle to breathe, struggle to find anything past this ripping, tearing feeling in your chest, "About my powers! You-you d-d-d-didn't tell me all p-p-pain I was causing! And-and then Luce almost---" And then there's more sobbing, more hard and loud cries as you remember holding the Night Daggar above the two of you. Luce, with an expression of pure love and acceptance, but his eyes lacked the history between you two. He barely knew you but still loved you and was willing to die. And for what? So that the pacts he and his brother's made with you could be ripped to shreds? Those very same pacts you almost died for? The pacts that one version of you did die for.

You know what a bad trip is and you know what it's like to have a panic attack while in the middle of a high; this is a thousand times worse. You gasp and choke and cry, Lord Diavolo still trying to hold you but he looks even more miserable, eyes wide and with despair even more inconsolable than the wailing mess that you've become. You want to run, you want to escape but you can't stop---you just can't stop---

"W-w-when you t-...told me...t-told me you loved me," and you wish someone would stop this, would come in and stop this, "I...I wanted to believe you, I want to believe you."

His hands reach up to cup yours and he brings you closer, "I love you. Please, please, believe me when I tell you I love you. I love and I---I had to. I'm sorry but I couldn't---I didn't know how to tell you and I didn't want you and Lucifer to worry and I---"

You want to soak in these words because he's giving you an out. Blame me, he's telling you, blame it all on me. I did this, let me take responsibility. I won't ever do this again. But the compulsion cuts through and your words reveal your deepest thoughts.

"You didn't trust what I would do…” He freezes, his hands shake as they let go of your face, taking your forearms again, and you look at him. You take in the fear in his golden eyes, the trembling of his mouth, the pale of his complexion washing him out, and you feel the last of the fog leave you for one, heart stopping second. You know. You see it now and you can hear the rush of feet coming towards you, but you focus on the truth written plain on his face.

“You don’t trust me…do you?" your voice comes out in a whisper, in a breathless and detached calm. He let's go of you and pulls back like you hit him. You watch his features contort from the pain of your words but you can feel your own pain sinking in when he doesn't deny it. He doesn't even fight it. He looks at you, as though on the verge of his own tears, and tries to hold you again with those shaky hands, but the full realization that after everything you've done, everything you have put into this program and the work you’ve exhausted yourself over in trying to meet his ridiculous expectations. All of that, all of that suffering, and he doesn't even trust you.

Your wailing alerts everyone and when the boys and Barbados finally appear, that's how they find the two of you. You are screaming and clutching at your chest, wailing and crying because the compulsion makes you honest and, honestly, the level of pain you're in feels like you’re dying. Lord Diavolo is trying to hold you, trying to stop your fingers from clawing at your skin, but you scream and cry harder, and he looks like a man on the brink of devastation. Mamo and Sati pull you away, hold you as you grip their clothes, balling and gasping as the fog comes over but only makes you feel like you're falling into nothingness. Asmo and Levi are running around for things to get you while Beel holds Belphie back, who seethes and rages and looks ready to jump Lord Diavolo. Luce tries to calm his dearest friend down while trying to keep Belphie's attention and anger on himself instead, all while your crying causes him visible pain. Barbados attends to his lord and Lord Diavolo says nothing, to any of this, just sinks his face into his hands as you continue to cry and cry and cry.

#shall we date #shall we date: obey me #obey me #obey me swd #Obey Me MC #God this is just a mess but like yeah this is how I write #Oh man this is very over dramatic but like #If you've even been high #Sidenote kids don't do drugs until you're of age and then be very careful drugs are a lot okay like #Any time I've been high my emotions run rampant so I was like #Gosh wouldn't it be fun to be high and reveal how much you don't rust the person you love? #Lord Diavolo just being like #'I'm so secure in all my relationships now! :D' #This fic happens #'Nevermind! My life is awful and I hate it here :DDDDDD' #Wait till you guys read other fics I have in store #Flesh blobs and spitting up whole and alive frogs #It's either emotional stew or body horror with me #and Then it's always got a weird level of monster fuckery

[stars-self-ships]

As mentioned in my previous post, I've been playing quite a bit of Winds of Change lately, and from being about two hours into the main story thus far, I'm enjoying it just as much as I thought I would! With its wide cast, there are naturally several characters in the Winds of Change world that I haven't met yet… though the characters I have met and ventured alongside in my quest to Mazeo have all been nothing short of wonderful.

And since both characters are wildly obscure compared to my other F/Os and have next to no representation on tumblr, I'd like to introduce the self-ship community to two new F/Os of mine that have become incredibly special to me in the past few days...

💖 Valessa and Fortaime! 💖

Before we dive into talking about Valessa and Fortaime, I think it's necessary to provide readers with a general overview of Winds of Change's story so that certain plot points are fully contextualized before I begin gushing!

The game begins with a vision of your beloved hometown, Valinorth, in the midst of a heated onslaught. Fires run rampant, strange armored entities litter the townscape, and the screams that ring throughout town are unsettling to say the least. In spite of the horrors set before you, you can't make sense of what is happening around you, as though you are thrown into the situation at hand without any recollection of prior events… but why could that be?

Throughout the carnage, you sneak around with two companions you have supposedly known for quite some time: the protective and burly Ulric, and the intelligent although inquisitive Valessa. While the two of them have some context as to what is going on, it becomes apparent to them that you don't rather quickly, and a distressed Valessa takes notice.

She gently enlightens you that you play a significant role in the safety of Valinorth, and the world of Alestia as a whole— you are the sacred Seer, having been blessed with spirits which allow you to catch glimpses of visions of the future, as daunting as they may be. With this revelation, she also realizes that— because of how you've been acting— that the destruction you've found yourselves in is a mere vision you're having, and that Valinorth is still at peace… for now.

Valessa encourages you to use this devastating vision to warn Valinorth of its impending doom. With knowledge that an attack is on the way, there's a high chance that you as the Seer can stop it, no matter what it takes. And with a rather macabre conclusion to the vision, you wake up in the comforts of home, relieved that nothing you just witnessed was real after all… but action must be taken so that said events don't happen whatsoever.

With that out of the way... who exactly is Valessa?

Valessa is a caring and emotive fox who is the Scribe to the Seer, and her job is to collaborate with the Seer on visions they may have in interpreting and making sense of them. It's very evident that she has a close relationship with the Seer, and is often seen being supportive of them as well as uniting with them to get to the bottom of the disturbing vision the Seer caught a glimpse of.

Those who read the tags of my prior Winds of Change post might have read that all it took for me to give the game a go was one specific character in Winds of Change's promotional artwork, and surprise surprise, that character is indeed Valessa! It should come as no surprise that adorable furry girls like herself are my ultimate weakness, though it was when I began playing Winds of Change that my feelings for her began to really blossom.

Valessa, as a contrast to many of my F/Os, is notable for having a major speaking role in her source material, so every image you've seen in this post so far has corresponding voice acting to go along with it (Save for the inclusion of my name, which is usually dubbed over as 'Seer'). It's one thing to imagine an F/O saying something sweet to you, but actually getting to hear them say it is on another level COMPLETELY.

As you can probably imagine, I have several screencaps of cute and sweet things that Valessa has said throughout my time in Valinorth thus far, but the above screencap may just be my current favorite. Valessa speaks in a calm, soft voice— which already is perfect— but getting to hear her remind me to 'do my best to keep calm' made my heart flutter, and it's a reminder I've been keeping close to heart ever since I heard her say it.

Legitimately every second that Valessa is on-screen, I can't help but smile. Every emotion she has artwork for is nothing short of adorable (Her thinking artwork featured in the promo art was what sold me on the game. Just LOOK at her), and I'm sure it's more than obvious on how much I love supportive characters like her, so much like Zulius, Valessa was decided on being my newest romantic F/O on sight. ❤️🧡❤️

Now that we have some insight on Valessa's character, let's talk about Fortaime!

Fortaime is an adventurous and kindhearted rabbit that serves as the Protégé to the Scribe of the Seer, and works valiantly under Valessa in the hopes to fully understand what it means to be a Scribe should the need of him having to step up to the position come about. Where Valessa takes her studies seriously, Fortaime has been known to become easily distracted during their lessons, though he still has a good grasp on understanding how to interpret visions regardless.

When Winds of Change introduced Fortaime to me as the player's best friend, I at first knew that I was going to at least like him, but that quickly escalated into me actually seeing him as a best friend. His playful nature coupled with the fact that he is the first person to join your party earned him a spot on my list of platonic F/Os— and he is for certain one of my ultimate favorites.

Fortaime is never one to leave the player out of a conversation, and tells you time upon time again that you have his trust and that he'll stick with you on your adventure until he very end. He may be a smidge more infantile compared to Valessa, but there's something to appreciate about his bright outlook on everything and his unending love for his friends.

And how could you not appreciate Fortaime? LOOK at him!! He is absolutely adorable! I think my favorite artwork of him so far is when he's overjoyed, of which you can see in WoC's promo art— this man's smile is everything to me. Fortaime is everything to me. Valessa and Fortaime are everything to me. While I'm still early on into the story of Winds of Change, I couldn't be happier knowing that I'm sent on such a journey with these two wonderful people whom I cherish to no end. 💖💖💖

#Star Talks F/Os #F/O Gush #F/O #Romantic F/O #Platonic F/O #F/O Community #Self-Ship Community #「Valessa: Inde-scribe-ably Perfect」 #❤️🧡❤️ #「Fortaime: The Playful Protégé」 #Klace's Winds of Change #Local Star goes off over loving and quick-tempered fox gf and carefree and wholesome rabbit bff #I know for a fact that Valessa and Fortaime won't be the only F/Os I'll gain from Winds of Change. #There's one more character from the oft-mentioned promo artwork who I've yet to meet... #... but I know full well that he's going to wind up on my F/O list sooner or later. #The man is so perfect that even my best friend stephysalcido fell for him just by looking at him! #Much like I did with Valessa upon first sight now that I think about it #Man I love Winds of Change

[mowu-moment]

i feel controversial & i care too much, so here's my des rocs complete tierlist

ranked list & reasoning (ish) under the cut

1. WAYNE: hoholy shit wayne. can hardly put into words how explosive this one is to me. the intro sets a Whole Mood before swiftly (& cleanly) smacking it down into an Absolute Banger and i don't use the term lightly. very hard not to scream along with it. only detriment is that wayne the person is kinda an ass in the mmc video but that's no qualm

2. POS: basically the same thing as wayne (oh both have great lyrics btw, this one more so), only gets points knocked for being 2 minutes long and having 30 seconds of that being intro & outro. go danny give us nothing

3. WHY WHY WHY: there's a theme among my top picks--they're all hard-hitting w/ killer guitar. the lyrics are absolute batshit in a good way, but the chorus is a lil flat & i feel like in general it just needed a touch more spice to score the top spot. or maybe it's just seniority & it'll have a coup a few months out idk

4. DEAD RINGER: similar killer guitar & lyrics but this one is Groovy as Hell. don't particularly like his singing in this one & it's too repetitive if i'm feeling grumpy but there's something so magic about after the bridge. top 10 songs to twirl a flag to

5. NOTHING PERSONAL: the minute long outro irks me & it's a little bit empty but plays into that well. groovy, great lyrics, the Sexiest Guitar Solo of the lot, the screaming's a minus but it does have an emotion there. not entirely sure what one but it's there.

6. LET ME LIVE / LET ME DIE: his first time being all over the goddamn place, history was made. amazing guitar, a little worse lyrics than 1-4 i'll admit, the intro Slays me both in a good and bad way. must be a joy to play live where he can just drag out that intro & bridge as long as feels right. at least i liked it in the digital concert like that. would actually kill me in a physical concert, imagine how much stomping gets going to that beat. bonus points for presumable cowbell

7. PIECES: for once not this high for the guitar & lyrics, they're both kinda basic. idk what's about this one but it just takes me to a separate dimension & i love it so much for that. really fills those earholes. also a bit of personal meaning, heard it for the first time on the day we moved into the house i'm currently split-custody-living in (is that tmi?) & the first music video of his i saw. man i love some spaghetti on the wall

8. SLO: basically the same as dead ringer, but knocked points for a kinda lame outro & the subject matter being a little less interesting to me. still lovely.

9. HANGING BY A THREAD: not my normal fare really & the way that the ends of the verses don't really fit in the pacing of them is bleh, but it's just so reminiscent of the songs my brother puts on whenever we hang out together that it just makes me all warm & fuzzy. it's also nicely put together which is something i'll have to start saying for. the later list.

10. SUICIDE ROMANTICS: this is where i start griping about head voice & higher pitches in general. don't like em so the pre-chorus is a lil annoying. also not my normal fare but it's tender & the ending is awe-striking. imo better live where he's loud on that last line before the final chorus. not enough to bump it up though. shoutouts to love and a smoking gun, i still am dying to hear that one

11. THE PAST HAS PASSED AWAY: my favorite lyrics out of the first 2 ep's. only thing wrong with it really is the bridge getting kinda repetitive. love that last chorus heehoo. same schpeel as the Banger Category

12. MMC: this one's lower than the rest of the Bangers for being pop punk which is something the radio has made me dislike, i guess. that trope with the guitar in the second half of the chorus just kills me so much. improves greatly during & after the bridge, love that lil ragtime piano. generally the same bit as before but i do love him doing something un-romance-related. yeah fuck the establishment!

13. THE DEVIL INSIDE: reminds me A Lot of the electronic-ish cassettes i've got from the early 90's but that's just me. this one will probably move up as i get more used to it, but only a little bit. the first part of the second verse makes me like. genuinely uncomfy? but the second part of it's fantastic. ending's ass though what happened to the instrumence. bonus points for using 'reverie' that's an SAT word (maybe). good singing but returning to the gripe at higher pitches, just a little bit though

14. THIS IS OUR LIFE: feels shockingly generic for a des rocs song tbh but there's nothing really wrong with that. adore the bridge. singing's alright. kinda miffed that he doesn't pronounce the 'f' in the second 'life' in the chorus, but it makes sense here. that sort of thing won't later so i'm bringing it up now. guitar's nothing spectacular but fits nicely into the song, probably one of the most cohesive of his (especially in recent history).

15. OUTTA MY MIND: really lives in the same space as slo and dead ringer do in my head (most likely the 'songs to twirl a flag to' zone), but this is by far the worst of the three for when i'm grumpy. just. Very repetitive. back to great lyrics here but it's kinda hard to pick them out (i've heard the song at least 100 times by now & i'm still missing a few lines). still groovin'

16. RUBY WITH THE SHARPEST LIES: what the fuck actually goes on in this song by the way? not the premise or whatever it's just. so all over the place. the verses are incredible but bringing in another vocalist just for one line kills me. bridge is really cool but that one part i don't remember where it is, the one that alternates basically nothing & an Electronic Piano Chord blaring at ya? ruins it. partially anyhow. also can someone tell the people on genius that it's 'carved it in my skin' not 'crawled down in my skin'

17. GIVE ME THE NIGHT: same repetitive issue as outta my mind but it's not groovy enough to save it, shame. feels like a trial run of all the wackshit stuff he's been doing recently, with the additional vocal bits at the end & the kinda weird lyrics. it still has a place in my heart don't get me wrong but it's just fallen in favor of stuff that Commits to banger or batshit (or actually pulls off both strongly, yyy). oh yeah nice guitar alright singing etc etc

18. USED TO THE DARKNESS: similar story to give me the night. i love it i do, but it's just lackluster nowadays. also remember that under-pronunciation thing i brought up in this is our life? this is where that comes back. rampant i tell you! that second verse he just doesn't finish the words & i hate it!

19. DON'T HURT ME: i honestly don't know why this one isn't in D. the chorus bit where he just cuts it short is irksome. the lyrics aren't anything special. i don't know what i like about it. but i can tell it does exactly what it set out to do if that makes sense. respect, respect. and using missile in an analogy, he's getting creative with the vocab

20. LIVING PROOF: kinda got a vendetta against this one i think? i don't know why i hate this one but i do. it's just kinda, blah. like the perfect sort of thing to nightcore up. sentiment's lovely & i do love the lyrics even if they aren't impressive but like. it bores me to an extent

21. TICK (LIVE): separating the version i heard in the digital concert just to give it some credit, this one was actually kinda nice. another one with a nice sentiment & what he was going for is great. no clue what the second part of the second verse has to do with any of this though. and it also begins our final group, the songs that just feel empty. like there's not nearly enough going on. this one's alright though i was just hoping the studio version would add some flair. you can see where that one is though.

22. IMAGINARY FRIENDS: also got a vendetta against pop. kinda hate the sentiment here (contrast!), the chorus just falls short of what the verses prime me for, head voice is rampant, and yet i still swing along to it. it's infectious props to him. love the outro though, monkey laugh and all.

23. MAYBE, I: another empty one, like it's a four-note progression what is that. love his singing in it, and the chorus parts do round it out, but like. eh? it doesn't even give me much to say.

24. BORN TO LOSE: another flop on the chorus! too smooth i say! and i absolutely Despise the pitch-shifting thing going on. not something i was expecting him to express so points there, lyrics are nothing fancy to my Literary Mind though. initially good singing but the chorus he's just sloppy over it. the instrumental is lovely but the vocals just throw it so hard into the bin which is a right shame. fuck that outro too i hate that gimmick

25. I KNOW: here's where the bad batshit comes in. singing is some of his worst imo, does the other-vocalist thing for that bridge, genre i'm not fond of, just a soup of Stuff I Don't Like. not one i'd kill someone over putting as #1 like i can see where it comes from but. mmmmmhhhh bad. cover does NOT help his case.

26. HVY MTL DRMR: empirically i should put this one higher. but the chorus flops so goddamn hard it deserves to be in the bottom of the barrel. the verses are lovely for what he was doing back then! but then just... nothing!

27. RABBIT HOLE: i was so excited for this name but it's just sad boi hours playlist curated by some corporation you hate. probably the most nothing of them all, genuinely where are the instruments. what happened. was this one just shoehorned in as the final track just to pump numbers up. and i swear he had some autotune or something which only makes his voice worse it's fantastic naturally. also that's not what a rabbit hole is! that's not the idiom! a rabbit hole is when you go on a wikipedia spiral from jennifer lopez to group theory! not when you just have a shitty night's sleep or whatever this is! i'm not just miffed i'm downright annoyed

28. TICK (STUDIO): what the fuck happened des. how did you release this. it sounds like a 3rd grader singing for the school talent show it's so out of rhythm. singing's honestly kinda bad & the instrumental has the same problems i talked about in the live version. the last chorus is fine, i guess, but no i don't forgive him for what he did to tick.

#des rocs #yeah i forgot tphpa on the first pass. it's always at least one #i guess i'm pessimistic on the new album? or i just don't like his new direction? idk i just finished it like. today. #wasn't expecting to be able to rank the songs of my Favorite Musician & be happy with it but here we are #tell me why i'm wrong in the notes <3

[kendrixtermina]

Thank you for pointing out that Byleth and Rhea's supports give off major creepo vibes. I've seen people say that Rhea genuinely cares about Byleth in non-CF routes and when I finished all the routes I was just like "uhh, where is it???" and her S-support honestly felt so tacked on.

I mean you do get that “It was uncomfortable please don’t do this anymore” dialogue option so it’s not just me saying it ‘cause of bias.

Though of course this is somewhat subjective. I mean there have been occasional posts where ppl were put-off by universal faves like Flayn or Claude because most ppl have some a list of personality traits that kinda set them off, rub them the wrong way or would be dealbreakers and its important to keep in perspective how much of that reaction is you and how much is the source material. 

It’s not inconceivable that someone would like her attention or have their sympathy overpowering any alarm bells. 

For me personally her death scene in  SS kinda seals the deal because she keeps talking to the crest stone in their chest to the very end... yeah she was dying and delirious but thats precisely it, lying or cushioning your statements takes more mental energy, it’s like blurting out the truth when you’re high or drunk. 

The s support is relevant in the sense that she does admit her crimes in a watered-down fashion/ in so far as she understood them (ie, it’s another point of evidence that this isn’t just something Edelgard made up or got from a dubious source, though really aren’t ppl seeing that Claude is also suuper onto her?) 

She also outright admits that she just wanted them to turn into Sothis until recently/ throughout part 1

To be fair she does protect them during the imperial raid on Garreg Magh and in Shambhalla, and this is what eventually results in her death, but given her last line that was all ‘cause they’re Sothis container -not to mention that she had her own reasons to want Shambhalla destroyed and fight to the death for that -  for the first time since the war of heroes, she is directing her anger at the real actual culprits. Now if only she could’ve done that to begin with!

Actually I think the experiments are some of her less bad deeds, because she created the homunculi from scratch and she didn’t expect to make a new person that would then get erased, but for Sothis to inhabit the new bodies to begin with - also from the example of Byleth’s mom it seems like she let them live normal lives.

That doesn’t make it less shady that she definitely tried to spark a takeover with Byleth (why you think Jeralt was always sent of lots of faraway missions?)but in the end she had little real control over wether it happens or not. 

That’s the one she feels the most guilt about because its “against the rules”, but the whole “ruling from the shadows for centuries, making people fight among themselves so she could rule, striking down all dissenters” part is actually waaay worse and had many more victims. 

Even here the problem is not even so much that she’s the ruler but her great incompetence. She never meant to have a world full of xenophobia, instability, inequality, crest obsession and corruption and she certainly doesnt want the agarthans running rampant acrosss the map but these were the side effects of the tools she used to keep power. 

Ironically she might’ve had a better chance finding the real culprits or just ruling the world better if she didn’t have prejudice against humans as a whole. Everyone who criticises her is the same as Nemesis to her, so, no investigation or discernment. Humans being savage and corrupt? Nothing she can do about it, it’s in their nature. 

She probably THINKS, or convinces herself, that she’s just protecting the land like her mother before her (from Seteth’s and Flayn’s worth they do view being the guardians of the land as their duty, and in her S support she says that she did it all “to keep the peace”, though she does quite a lot in her mothers name that said mother would never have approved of) and keeping up this Benevolent Mother Figure look when she’s an extremly immature lost child inside with pretty shallow undifferentiated emotions. Some remorse is better than no remorse, but it’s a fairly childlike remorse born out of being told the things she did are bad not understanding their consequences.

“If my actions had anything to do with the war...” Lady there’s no ‘if’ it was totally a consequence of the world your built and your own lies biting you in the ass, starting with the fact that there was no mechanism to vote you out, or even to convince enough noblemen to support, say, your more competent brother as a ruler, since you’re basing your authority on the local religion and you viciously repressed all dissenters before even asking questions. 

There were rebels left and right, produced by dissatisfaction - Edelgard was just more well-connected than most. 

Generally it seems overly cynical to probe the purity of someone’s motives when they’re taking in orphans and outcasts, if the end result is than an orphan isn’t on the street that’s what’s important - but you have to see it in the context of her other actions. It’s like a billionaire supporting crooked, fuck-the-poor style politicians with all their money to get their own interests, and then donating to charity. Charity is good no matter who it comes from but doing an itty bit of good can’t balance out cavalcades of harm, even harm that’s just a side effect. 

She created this situation in the first place oh isnt she caring and merciful for not being completely indifferent to all its victims. 

IMHO what you see in CF seems like a pretty logical continuation of the same zealotry you see in Part I. Part I is basically you doing all of the Church’s dirty work for a year and they makes the ruling class do this at a relatively young age, as an indoctrination tactic . You don’t need to believe Edelgard or Claude, you just need to keep your eyeballs peeled. 

”so they learn never to turn their blades on the church” as Rhea herself outright puts it... whatcha think that line means. Why’d she say that if she didnt regularly put down rebellions, or “ppl would lose faith in the nobility if they heard that one tried to use a relic and transformed into a monster”, what they think that means?