#Because nothing about that girl convinces me she is remotely heterosexual | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nix-that-rad-lass · 3 years

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Thank you so much about the non gold star lesbian thing it's really starting to piss me off too... I saw this on my dash because I am following the radfem safe tag, I don't know you at all but I couldn't resist. These posts induced a rather big crisis a few days ago where I nearly convinced myself I must be 1% bi at least, since strangers on the internet say so! I want my revenge now. So, here is my story. > before I even went to primary school, my cousin who is one year older than me made it a habit to kiss me (with tongue), hiding from our parents, touching me in inappropriate places, making me touch him. I was so small I just did what he asked but this experience shaped my behavior around boys for a long time. > as a result, in childhood, I knew girls were supposed to have crushes on boys, so I picked one that seemed sensitive and more pretty/delicate than the others and strategically decided I would have a crush on him. Meanwhile I never thought about boys but only girls, I wanted the attention of some specific girls so much, it was different from what I felt for my friends, I felt unworthy of talking to those girls because I found them so great. > The word 'dyke' had been used in the shoolyard and I had asked what it meant so I knew about lesbians but it was a remote reality, I wouldn't have applied it to my own life even though I remember being strangely worried by the idea > I had two 'boyfriends' in primary school. It was just words, we were kids. We never even held hands and didn't talk to each other. > in middle school I also picked a boy who was crying on the first day and who looked pretty to be my crush. I got really attached to him actually but he heard about my crush and hated me. > and then... the impossible happened. I finally got an internet connection and online I learned about gay people, through yaoi and fanfiction which is not ideal, but I also met a girl on a forum who was miraculously attending the same school as me. I fell for her. > at the age of 14 for the first time I had to reckon with the fact that I was in love with a girl. I immediately told myself "no, I am a heterosexual, this isn't me" and pushed it back down in firm denial. I made myself forget about it for a while. > I agreed to date the first guy who asked me in high school because I was scared of saying no, didn't want to be mean. He was not attractive at all but I didn't want to crush his spirit. I said yes out of pity and to make myself feel like a good sacrificial girl. > he was so annoying, touching me inappropriately in high school, always a hand on me, even forcing his fingers into my mouth for a sick fantasy of his in the middle of the schoolyard. I was humiliated and scared of him. I spent a holiday with my best friend I met online, and realized again how much I loved her. So I dumped the guy and embraced a "I am heterosexual but just in love with this one girl" mindset. > at 15 I confessed to her, because I thought she had been sending me signals that she was interested as well. > she started playing games with my heart, she told me she loved me a few times and then never again, didn't want to date me even in secret, criticized me all the time for every little thing. I was so dependent on her and starved for affection but I never dared to kiss her. She broke my heart with her endless rejections, I had to end the relationship because my health was actually declining from what I was putting my mind through. It is a shame that such a bad experience was my first love. I will never understand why she did what she did and it took me a long time to accept that. > I knew that one of my male friends had been wanting to date me so, desperate to forget this girl, I asked him on a date. Even though I felt nothing but friendship for him. I asked him to kiss me, to touch me. I was curious about how it would feel, and saw an opportunity. I just wanted to feel alive and happy and loved and even though I didn't love him back and didn't want to touch him I thought I could work with that. > it was fine for a few months as we were just hanging out and making out. It was not unpleasant so I didn't question anything. But then we got naked, and I was disgusted by his body. Scared, even. I didn't show it. I forced myself to go on. I told myself: it's normal for a girl to feel like that. > we made plans to sleep together once I hit 16 since it was the age of consent in my country. I was curious about how it would feel on one hand but on the other hand it felt like a duty. Then the day came and I could tell he was too nervous and angry about being nervous. A thought came to me: "guess I have to take the reigns or he'll sulk and make me pay for it for a week". My first love, the girl, had broken my spirit so much, I thought my role in life was to comply to people's demands, because I was just there to make them happy. I was in a miserable place. It was my decision, but a bad decision. I wish I had never felt like that, now looking back I can see I was completely emotionally destroyed. > we slept together a few times more. He was unbearably possessive, bossy, insecure, ad clingy. I blocked out these months from my memory but I remember that his touch had became physically repulsive. I wanted to beat him up. I was in mental pain all the time. > I dumped him, told myself I was a biromantic asexual since I obviously didn't like sex, and it took falling for one more girl and the accidental discovery of lesbian radfems for me to realized sexual desire was supposed to go from me towards the other and not just the reverse. Realizing I was a lesbian after years of thinking I was bisexual but 'wrong' felt like pure joy. Like I could breathe again, I was jumping up and down in my room, repeating "I don't HAVE to date men if I don't want to!!!" I told all of my friends, I wasn't even ashamed I was so happy. > I told my mother eventually. She knew because she had seen me in pain over that girl. She did not reject me but I remember once when I was 14 I asked her, "what would you feel if I was in love with a girl?" and she had said "I would feel very sad, because that would not be normal". It was hard to hear. Now I understand she just wanted a normal life for me and was scared I would get beaten up by homophobes or never find real healthy love and stay alone. It's been a few years but we're getting slowly better at conversations about my sexual orientation. So, I didn't even need terrible circumstances to sleep with a boy. It was just in the culture. It never even crossed my mind that I might be a lesbian, rather than bisexual, until finding the blog lesbian-ed and seeing "you don't have to sleep with anyone if you don't want to". I really thought I had to, and so convinced myself all of my choices were my own. But I was deeply distressed, plagued with anxiety and self-hatred. I was clinging desperately to what made me feel 'normal'. Even now sometimes it's hard to stay secure in myself, because I fell for a third girl, and keep having crushes on girls, but I am 22 and still never kissed a girl. But I know, I am utterly sure, that I am a lesbian. I feel no attraction for men, I don't find their bodies beautiful, I don't crave intimacy with them, I don't like their hands and especially not their hands on me. It is all the reverse with women. And that's enough to know that I'm a lesbian. I routinely have a "what if I was bi after all" crisis when something unsettles me, but always overcome it. But I was so unsettled by the recent posts I couldn't stop thinking about it for a few days, I was mentally back in my teenage years, with something telling me: "you could be normal. You could feel like you belong in society, like you have a place in the world." It's frankly exhausting to have to go through so much self-doubt but I hope every lesbian in a similar situation can take a bit of inspiration from my story. Trust yourself, trust your feelings in their purest form, without putting any words on them. What you feel for women has nothing to do with what you feel for men, I guarantee.

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llvnas · 3 years

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☾ * ✶ * — ❝ my nail lady said she tripped over at the met gala last year , right in front of anna wintour … how tragic ? ❞

... wait , SHUT UP ! luna is walking by .

look at her , not only is she a heir of the bianchi-vega’s but she got into zeta nu theta as vice-president .

hi ! i’m sof ( she / her ) and i’m super excited to be here . this is a bit of a mess , i apologise in advance . i’d love to plot with you all so pls like this or hmu !

full name : luna chiara bianchi-vega nickname(s) : lu , lulu , lala , tunes age : twenty - one dob : august 12 place of birth : rome , italy origins : cosenza , italy & buenos aires , argentina languages spoken : english , italian , spanish , french , ( swiss ) german , ( conversational ) russian

sexuality: heterosexual

born to an italian father & argentine-italian mother and cosseted by her parents from the day one

her papa is a b i g time mob boss ... lots of $$$ but obviously not the safest occupation in the world

luna had a very lonely childhood because her father was ( and still is ) a deeply paranoid man . she spent most her time ensconced in the safety her family’s sprawling renaissance villa in central rome

her best friend growing up was classical music !! y’all i swear , there’s nothing this girl can’t tell you about it

moved a lot from the age of about twelve ( unsurprisingly , due to safety concerns ) bounced around from luxury penthouse , to exclusive boarding school , to distant relative

loves her parents and family with every fibre of her being , but they’re willing to force her hand when necessary to protect the ‘ business ’

she desperately wants to live up to their expectations and prove herself to be ‘ worthy ’ whatever that actually means

honestly , in general luna gives a lot of herself to ppl and sometimes she doesn’t really know who she actually is anymore because of it

very human ! she’s scared of the dark and doesn’t like crossing busy roads alone and cares a lot about what people think of her even though she tries not to

absolutely craves validation ( probs her biggest weakness , it makes her do things she definitely wouldn’t otherwise )

if you say anything remotely negative to , her she’ll probably think about it for months afterwards & overanalyse the entire conversation

she can be a little reticent about what she’s really thinking . she absolutely hates burdening other people and would rather try to deal with things alone

probably a little too tough on herself , has a heck of a lot of criticism within her own head

somehow she’s still a bit of a girl next door ??

like … you’d want to take her home to your momma. she bakes really good treats and makes yummy lemonade and always let’s you know if you left your car window rolled down or a light on

big angel energy

an absolutely huge heart !! she genuinely wants to make a positive difference & she’s just a bit of a sweetie in general

almost always working on a new philanthropic endeavour

she’s S M A R T smart, loves mathematics especially and is currently pursing a degree in it . invariably can be found in the library at odd hours of the day

loves her sorority and her sisters with her whole heart . they’re her favourite ppl and she feels very blessed to have them in her life

head canons :

goes by a variety of nicknames with family / friends and loves using nicknames for everyone she knows , too

most used emojis are the gold heart , the baby angel , and the puppy dog / pleading eyes

comes from a family deeply committed to the catholic faith ( ha ha some nice irony ) luna isn’t convinced by any of it but she does go to church every sunday because she’s a good girl™

plays four instruments ( violin , piano , cello , and harp ) and attended pre-college at juilliard

a stress baker . you’ll know her level of anxiety by how many hampers of cupcakes , cookies , brownies etc . end up on your doorstep

she loves vintage cars and has a massive collection , however she’s an objectively t e r r i b l e driver lol

here’s her pinterest !

wanted connections :

these are very bad and vague so sorry about that in advance

luna’s first love . i don’t really have an exact idea for this so could have ended on good terms, bad terms, somewhere in between

just exes more generally !

best friend/s !! a lil gang would be v cute honestly :)

a bad influence ?? idk someone who takes advantage of lu’s kindness or is maybe just always pulling her into sticky situations

study buddies . maybe they sat next to each other freshman year or even just kept seeing each other in the library and bonded over how awful school work was lmao

hear me out … someone who’s using her for physical intimacy , but she thinks it could something more . she tends to fall hard & fast and really just craves validation so this could be angsty

this is overdone but someone lu is a good influence on ! maybe she wants to help / ‘ fix ’ them somehow idk

honestly anything ?? i’m so so so bad at thinking of connections rip

#☾ * ✶ * - intro #kingshill.intro #hi ! hi ! sorry i'm late as per usual

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sprinkledonion-blog · 5 years

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Another real long “I don’t like Bumbleby” post (Part 1)

So this one was a long time coming. I kept postponing it, polishing it, making it look the nicest I could, but it’s finally here. And it’s quite long. Let’s just, uh, start.

The first thing I wanna say is, I watched RWBY without interacting with the FNDM, just at the start of this year. I didn’t know what Bumbleby was, nor its impact in the overall FNDM. I was blissfully unaware of what was going on, so I dived in with a clean, open mind.

First impressions and development (or the lack thereof)

I didn’t think about Bumbleby. For those who know me, I ship characters VERY easily and I don’t really care if it’s a gay, het, lesbian ship, I can and I WILL ship them. I shipped Ruby and Penny like crazy. Ruby and Emerald made my heart jump. Jaune and Ren looked insanely cute together, and Sun and Weiss had very nice potential. And in V2, in the Burning the Candle episode, when Yang had a heartfelt conversation with Blake, and hugged her, I was like “oh?”. It was the first time I had seen Yang this vulnerable, and while I really ignored her through the first volume, this scene made me realize she was more than it meets the eye. And she chose to be vulnerable… with Blake. Oh?

Then Blacksun happened. Oh.

I didn’t like Blacksun. I still don’t like it. It’s predictable and boring for my tastes. But it has a privilege Bumbleby doesn’t: development.

I will never understand this choice. Barb said it was planned from the beginning. The question is, then: why didn’t y’all spend time developing Bumbleby? Bees will tell me it was developed, but I’ll suggest y’all to take off your rose-colored glasses and revise those interactions. I totally understand the warm, fuzzy feeling when your ship talk, even look at each other (my ships are 99% rareships so I take what I can get), but deep down you know reality isn’t like that. I’ve seen the 40-minute essay about Bumbleby; yes, you can attribute to every interaction a romantic feeling, but I can do the exact same with Jaune and Ren, and fans will roll their eyes at me and tell me it isn’t like that. The only remotely romantic interaction was the whole Burning the Candle episode. It was a nice episode.

“But Onion”, y’all will say, “are you going to ignore V3 onwards? The plot completely ties Blake and Yang together”. Same as Blake and Sun. Yes, Yang lost an arm for Blake, and yes, she feels betrayed and everything, but… why should I think it’s romantic? Blacksun is being developed at the same time, following common romance tropes that apply to the rest of canon ships, so why should I think it’s any different? Yang could have lost an arm for Weiss and I have no doubt she’d have felt the same. (I also think Weiss would have called her and checked on her every day, until Yang even heard her in dreams.)

That brings me to my second point. Let’s trust Barb, it was planned from the beginning. Then what was Blacksun supposed to be? “It makes the point that romantic relationships don’t always work and sometimes it’s better to stay as friends.” Valid point, but… Blake? Sun? Why did you keep at it? Blake, why did you kiss him on the cheek? That’s misleading, for the audience I mean (Sun already knows the script). When I friendzoned guys, and when the girls I know friendzoned guys, absolutely none of them kissed the dude on the cheek. The most they did was give a pat on the back or shoulder. Let me know if it’s an American thing to kiss guys you friendzone, because maybe it’s the cultural barrier that keeps me from understanding “yes, they’re friends and nothing more!”.

And yes, I know Sun told Neptune it was never about that. What was it about then, Sun? Were you trying to get Weiss’ attention by making her jealous? Were you trying to get Blake to paid for the food? I don’t buy that Sun explicitly flirted with her just to be friends. Else I’m an alien and it’s my second day on Earth, or Sun tried to convince himself to feel less pain. Or who knows? Maybe he really was flirting with her to be friends. Maybe he flirted with Neptune too. Writers, give us proper answers. And no, FNDM, filling in the story holes with “show don’t tell, there’s a logical explanation for it” is still fanon and doesn’t count as canon. Show don’t tell is a rule, not an excuse.

Anyways, after the whole coming and going, Sun finally leaves the scene for Bumbleby to thrive on sudden romantic interactions, which are a little late at most. It’s confusing. Yang never felt jealous when Blake showed attraction to Sun. They didn’t choose to clearly spend time together, at least with the “we’re partners” excuse. I’ll delve into this point later, but for now: we had Blacksun, suddenly we have Bumbleby, and we’re supposed to have been cheering for them the whole time. Uhm, was this supposed to be a plot twist?

Okay, I may be biased on this one, but listen to me. I don’t like this kind of plot twist. Oh, we have a heterosexual couple… OR SO YOU THOUGHT! THE TRUTH IS THAT THE LESBIANS ARE CANON! WE’VE TRICKED YOU, WHAT MADMEN WE ARE!

Get it? My problem isn’t that Blacksun isn’t canon. My problem is that the writers are using a wlw relationship as a tool, a surprise, manipulating and tricking the audience. It doesn’t feel genuine--it feels like they just wanted to cause controversy--or sell. At the end of the day, Bumbleby is way more popular than Blacksun, and a big part of the FNDM came for the bees. Don’t y’all ever wonder why voice actors don’t talk as much about other characters, or Ruby herself? The main main character?

Let’s bee honest: at this point in time, the biggest thing keeping RWBY afloat is Bumbleby.

“And what’s the problem with all that?”, bees may ask. “What’s wrong with feeding us some good bees?” Ship whatever you want, y’all. But I don’t like getting ships shoved down my throat and treated as peak LGBT+ representation when it didn’t get the time and treatment it deserved. Not all that glitters is gold, guys. (Especially Yang.)

Racism

Oh boy.

Racism is quite the great deal in Remnant… at least that’s what the show tells us. It doesn’t show it. No, Velvet doesn’t need to get stones thrown at her to show us discrimination. But, you know… if there was discrimination, I don’t think she would be in Beacon in the first place. Or that Leonardo would be the headmaster of Haven… Adam Taurus, pack your things and go home; there’s no faunus discrimination worth the fight. (Wait! Don’t go yet, you still have work to do.)

What does racism has to do with Bumbleby?, you may ask. Well, it’s Blake’s main plot. I think it has a lot to do with Bumbleby… but uh, it seems I was wrong. Yang isn’t interested in it, so I guess it’s just Blake’s problem. Until uh, Adam makes a scene, but that doesn’t have much to do with the fact he’s a faunus. It’s still pretty distasteful of a human to kill a faunus, but I’ll tackle that point a bit later.

Blake’s faunity? is very important to her. If she’s an important person to Yang, why doesn’t Yang show interest in it? She didn’t even defend Velvet, even though she could have punched Cardin in the face. She sits around sighing “It must be hard to be a faunus” and annoys Blake with a lighter. This only shows me Yang doesn’t care about Blake’s identity, and not in a good way.

I know, I know, I take the faunus issue to heart. It must be because I’m a person of color. I could talk hours and hours about the horrendous execution of faunus racism (reinforcing stereotypes, horrible analogies and really unfortunate implications), but I’ll limit myself to Blake for now.

Yang doesn’t care. She’s not one bit interested in reading faunus’ history, in asking Blake about her experiences, in thinking how she could help as a human. She’s like those people who say “I’m blind to race” as if it were a good thing. Yeah, you don’t discriminate, but you dismiss other people’s culture and background. It’s part of who we are. Some of us will take it better, some of us worse, but acknowledging Blake’s identity in this case could do wonders. That way Yang could show interest in her as a person, her motives to fight, her struggle.

But she didn’t. In fact, she did quite the contrary.

Bonus: I’ve recently seen a… hysterical headcanon. As it turns out, some bees were excited at the idea of Blake getting branded and Yang going berserk, later saving all the faunus in the mine. It was supposedly justified by “faunus needed a reason to respect her” and of course, Bumbleby angst. Do I need to point out the White Savior trope and how blatantly racist and harmful it is? Do I really need to? Considering faunus are supposed to represent the civil rights movement? Especially knowing Adam’s previous treatment? If faunus were explicitly Black, this would be… well, this is a disaster, but it gets swept under the rug. As a woman of color, this headcanon just makes me want to cry.

I think I’ll have to divide it into two parts so it doesn’t get too heavy. Part 2 is here.

#bumbleby rant #rwde #rwby #rwby rant

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