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llantano · 4 years

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Turning Leaves, 15. Invaluable

As Amelia ended her call, Dorian took a few quiet steps backwards so that she could put on her smile, hide how volatile she felt, and enter the room as if just arriving from the kitchen.

"Oh, Amelia," she uttered upon entering the room, feigning surprise, "you're still here…."

Amelia lifted her eyebrow at Dorian's drink. "What is that?"

Dorian blinked at her with attitude and took a couple of swallows before answering. "Bourbon and coke - do you want some?" She smiled with sarcasm.

"No, thank you." Amelia tucked her cell phone into her pocket, turning her mind back to what they had been discussing before. "I ordered the photographs." She stood and slid her laptop into its case. "You know, if you have a headache, you should probably take something." As she put her computer away, she remembered her previous agenda. She still felt uneasy about Dorian's reluctance to discuss Ray Montez and wanted to get to the bottom of it.

"I did take something," Dorian nodded. She sipped her drink again as she plopped down on the couch and slipped her feet out of her shoes. She watched Amelia out of the corner of her eye and tried to appear casual and comfortable.

Amelia sighed at Dorian, gesturing at the drink. "Don't you read warning labels?"

Dorian scoffed. "Might I remind you … I'm the doctor here?"

"Is something bothering you, Dorian?" Amelia paused in genuine concern. "I thought you were going to find some chocolates?"

Dorian frowned. "I thought this would be more helpful. Are you sure you don't want to join me?" She stood and crossed the floor in her stockinged feet to put her drink down on the tray next to the decanter she often kept in the room. She held a glass up in Amelia's direction and lifted her eyebrows in encouragement. "It might help you relax."

"No, really, I'm fine," Amelia declined. She wondered if Dorian was implying that she was uptight.

Dorian read the dissatisfaction in Amelia's voice and wondered if Amelia disapproved. She also wondered again who had been on the phone. She surmised that Amelia was preparing to leave and eyed Amelia's pocket as she picked her drink back up and took it to one of the chairs facing the sofa. "Were you talking to someone earlier? I thought I heard voices from the other room but I…?" She shrugged and intentionally didn't finish her sentence.

"Oh," Amelia smiled. "Nick just wanted to make sure the meeting tonight went well." She tried to read Dorian's response. Something told her Dorian knew better.

"Ah." Dorian took a drink. She knew Amelia was lying, but couldn't show it. There was heavy pause in the room before she spoke again. "I had a little chat with Blair in the kitchen." Her eyes met her campaign manager's as Amelia waited for Dorian to elaborate. "She's … very supportive of what we're doing," Dorian assured, keeping her own secrets.

Amelia nodded with warmth. "I expected no less. She's been putting in a lot of hours for us. You should probably promote her to deputy campaign manager. She works hard and knows where she stands." Amelia didn't trust David as far as she could throw him and was deliberate in implying that he was inadequate.

Dorian's eyebrows furrowed. She knew Amelia was trying to get rid of David, but Dorian needed David on her side. Not only would it keep him away from Viki, but he also seemed to be the one person left in her campaign that remembered she was still interested in being heterosexual. "Actually," Dorian clarified to Amelia's dismay, "Blair is going to be focusing on Craze for the time being. I need David on my side. How would it look if he jumped ship and joined Viki's campaign?"

"You don't have much faith in his loyalty, do you?" Amelia smirked as she turned her back to set her bag on the floor next to the sofa.

Dorian sighed in frustration. Amelia had hit the nail on the head, and maybe she didn't want to admit it to herself. "Amelia, we need to get a few things straight."

Amelia sat back down across from Dorian, leaning forward. "Should I be concerned?"

Dorian swirled her drink in the glass and her eyes drifted upward. "I have to tell you I'm a bit … apprehensive … about how this is all going to unfold." She felt the need to clarify. "Not the campaign. The campaign is strong. I mean … our relationship – the timing." She glanced at Amelia's pocket again and wondered about the call log. Maybe she could think of an excuse to use Amelia's phone.

Amelia raised an eyebrow and cut to the chase. "You're wondering how we're going to end it."

Dorian blinked at Amelia, the abruptness of the observation drawing her back to the conversation at hand. "Well, yes. Yes, exactly."

Amelia inched around the coffee table and sat on it so that she would be close enough to grasp Dorian's forearms. "Dorian, listen. You said we needed to get a few things straight? Well, I think there's only one thing we need to keep straight, and that is that my relationship with you is not on the up-and-up."

"I agree," Dorian emphasized with a nod. Something about Amelia's admission of the fact rattled her.

"I never asked for that," Amelia clarified. "I asked you to support same-sex marriage. But when you said that we were in a relationship together, I saw an opportunity – to make a big difference – an opportunity that we could use to our advantage throughout this campaign." Her eyes sparkled with encouragement for a moment. "But here's the thing." She looked down and moved her hands to one of Dorian's, allowing her to hold her drink with the other. "I'm willing to walk across those smoldering coals with you, but I need to know you aren't going to jump off halfway to the finish line because your feet are too hot." She looked up as Dorian stared at her. "If there is any doubt in your mind – any chance that you're going to change your mind about this – we need to end this … now."

Dorian pulled her hand away and moved to stand behind the chair, looking down at Amelia. "So you're worried about your political reputation? Your career?"

Amelia paused to consider Dorian for a moment. "I'm concerned about that, yes. But I'm also concerned about how it would affect the cause. And frankly, you're not giving me a lot of confidence right now."

Dorian lowered her chin at Amelia. She felt defensive, but kept her voice as matter-of-fact as possible. "I have a lot more at stake here than you do – my business dealings, my position in this town, my family … shall I continue?"

"So you're saying you're willing to see this through?" Amelia asked, almost told, Dorian.

"Am I?" Dorian was being sarcastic. "Are you seriously asking me that?" she scoffed. She would not admit to Amelia that she had almost barged into the room minutes ago to call the whole thing off. "It sounds to me like you're the one having second thoughts."

Amelia could tell there was something Dorian wasn't saying. "Do I have reason to?" she asked, trying not to sound accusing.

"Do you?" Dorian repeated as she crossed her arms with care. "If we want out of this, we're going to have to come up with a pretty damned good excuse. And in the meantime, we both need to cover our butts."

Amelia agreed. "And on that note, I'm going to do an interview with The Intruder, so I'll need to know a few more things about you."

Dorian's mind seemed to run three different ways. "Such as?"

"Things a fiancée would know about her partner under normal circumstances. You know, things like … favorite color, where we met, who your last relationship was with…." She said it in the most casual tone possible, once again fishing for more information.

Dorian kept her arms folded, as she was unimpressed by the triviality of Amelia's list. "People will check these facts, you know."

"Exactly," Amelia grinned, trying to convince Dorian. "It's foolproof - especially if we can get your family and friends on board. Langston's article should get the ball rolling."

Dorian carried her drink to the desk and sat it down with a clank, spilling some of it. "No. We leave my family out of this." She faced Amelia.

Amelia eyed Dorian. She seemed a little too emphatic and she hadn't even had that much to drink. "Well, we can at least count on Blair … and David." She paused to assess Dorian's reaction. "Right?"

Dorian moved Langston's article to the far side of the desk and dabbed at the splash before she slid her hand over her forehead again, still bothered by Amelia's phone call, and still thoughtful over her conversation with Blair. "Listen, I'm done strategizing for the night." She stepped around Amelia to pick up a picture of Starr and swipe at the frame with her thumb. "But I want you to keep this in mind…." She lowered her voice with an expression of warning. "Because of our … parlous… situation…." She emphasized the word "situation." "…I'm entrusting you with my family, and I don't want the children involved in this any more than they have to be. Langston and Starr are old enough to decide on their own, but let's keep Jack, Sam, and – most importantly - precious Hope behind the scenes, okay? Don't bring up the children."

Amelia didn't agree. "It would be to your advantage to promote your family's solidarity and values."

Dorian shook her head with emphasis as she turned back to Amelia. "No," she demanded. "I refuse to put the children in danger, and … really … this is a very high-profile campaign." She spoke with her hands. "There are anti-gay … religious fanatics and … past enemies … Viki supporters … paparazzi…."

"Danger" was a strong word and Dorian was passionate. Amelia raised both hands in the air in surrender. "Fine. Okay."

Dorian could tell Amelia still didn't agree with her call. She looked at the doors leading into the foyer and lowered her voice as she pointed upstairs. "That baby has been through enough." She neglected to mention that she'd taken Starr and Hope's picture for Mayor Lowell's campaign right before they were kidnapped.

Amelia remembered hearing about Starr and Hope's recent kidnapping and knew that Dorian was leaving the reasons for her decision unspoken. "Okay," she shrugged. "You're the boss."

The statement reassured Dorian. "Yes, I am. Thank you."

"Can I at least get to know them a little bit better?" Amelia questioned with sincere and concerned undertones. "They live under the same roof as my future bride, so people are going to assume – at least I hope they assume – that I know a little bit about them."

Dorian tried to wrap her mind around Amelia's precarious situation. "Of course, of course," she half-whispered, more to herself than Amelia as she turned back around and put Starr's picture back in its place. "Wait a minute." She spun and shot Amelia a wide-eyed gaze.

"What?" Amelia asked, concerned.

"Well," Dorian offered, incredulous. "My family and I don't know all that much about you, either, Amelia."

"I guess if we're going to continue to pass ourselves off as a couple, we have some more work to do," Amelia observed with a wry smile before cocking her head sideways. "But you said no more strategizing tonight."

"It isn't strategizing," Dorian considered. "It's getting to know one another." She smiled and sat down with Amelia. She was far from done strategizing, and had every intention of finding out who had really called Amelia. She decided to play the maternal card and see if it worked. "What do you do for fun? Play a musical instrument? Sports? What are you secretly good at? What defines you besides … your active involvement in the LGLA?" Dorian's eyes flashed as if she were entertained by the possibilities.

Amelia smiled – more to herself than Dorian. No one ever asked her that, and she never offered the information. "Old movies."

"Old movies?" Dorian repeated, intrigued. "How old?" She meant to imply their age difference.

Amelia clarified. "State of the Union, To Kill a Mockingbird, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner…. Classics that made people think."

Dorian grinned with approval.

"What about you?" Amelia asked.

Dorian wasn't sure what information to offer. "What do you want to know?"

"Tell me more about your daughters – the other two."

"Alright," she relented with a faint smile. She leaned over and pulled her discarded shoes closer.

"Cassie's father is Herb Callison?"

Dorian nodded in thought. Of course, it only made sense that Amelia knew who Herb was. "Yes – well, yes. David Renaldi is her biological father. He was an exceptional musician."

Amelia smiled, having just learned something unexpected about Dorian. "Your mother was a musician, too, right?"

Dorian's eyes flashed a distant and cold look in response to Amelia's observation as she made the sudden realization. "How did you know that?" She gaped a bit. "Did you read Mel's article?"

Amelia heard the tension in Dorian's voice and kept her own voice calm and casual. "You can learn a lot with a simple Llannet search," she shrugged.

"You know more than you're letting on." Dorian's tone was accusing as she pointed at Amelia.

"Only because it is my job to know these things," Amelia insisted.

"You knew all along who Mel was!" Dorian protested. When she got no reaction from Amelia, she calmed down a bit. "What else have you been learning about me?"

"Not much," Amelia shrugged. She didn't have to fake her concerned interest. "What about Adriana?" Amelia queried.

Dorian took a long, deep breath and let it out, eyeing Amelia. She offered the information with reluctance, trying to be cooperative and careful. "I'm very fortunate to have Adriana in my life. Not all mothers in my position are so lucky."

This time Amelia was sincere in her ignorance. "Why is that?"

Dorian hesitated to answer but knew it was in her best interest to be open and honest. "I gave her up … for totally unselfish reasons, believe it or not … but we found our way back into each other's lives." Her smile was sentimental, but she was not offering more information and was expecting Amelia to take what she had said for what it was worth.

Amelia remained silent for a moment as she appreciated the depth of what Dorian was sharing with her. "I bet there's a beautiful story there."

"Not really," Dorian half-groaned. "It's actually quite an ugly story … but it had a beautiful ending." She continued to smile, focusing on the good.

Amelia considered the significance. "Did the situation with Adriana influence your decision to adopt Langston?"

Dorian shook her head. "That was a different situation. Although … there is something to be said for a mother's instinct to protect children other than her own." She shrugged at Amelia with a faint smile. She wanted to change the subject while still seeming maternal and caring. "What about your family?"

"I have a sister."

Dorian took in the information. It was easy to identify with having a female sibling, but now she was very curious. "A sister? Is she all you have?"

"We have family in West Virginia." She noted that Dorian cocked her head to one side and answered the question before Dorian could ask it. "Our parents died in a train wreck several years ago."

Dorian was quiet and empathetic. "I'm sorry to hear that." So Amelia and Langston had something in common. Dorian again identified on a deep level, having believed for years that she, too, had lost both of her parents in a terrible accident. "You must be very close to your sister."

Amelia scoffed. "Not exactly." She met Dorian's vivid gaze. "Let's just say we have different philosophies about life and how to deal with it."

"I see." Dorian squinted at Amelia in thought for a moment and wanted to ask if Amelia and her sister resembled each other, but did not want to be insensitive while she held Amelia's trust, so she decided to change the subject again. "Can I ask you something a little more personal?"

The corner of Amelia's mouth curled up in a crooked grin, flattered at Dorian's curiosity. "Sure."

Now she could test just how far Amelia was willing to open up. Dorian was blunt. "What … did you always know you were a lesbian, or … did something happen?"

Amelia smirked, knowing the answer without thinking because she had answered it for herself so many times. "Actually, I never thought about it when I was younger, but I never could change the fact that I was just more drawn to women, and more comfortable being affectionate with them."

Dorian nodded, listening. "And intimate?"

Amelia blinked. "Doesn't that go without saying? But it wasn't just that. I've just always bonded with women easier – mentally, emotionally."

Dorian could appreciate that, and she wondered if the same were true for all women. She understood and identified better with females as well – at least on a platonic level. "So what made you...?" Dorian shrugged as she asked. "…Come out?"

Amelia wondered at the timing of the conversation for only a moment before offering her open answer. "When I was in college, one of our assignments was to research political events and propose a hypothetical bill based on a situation in a news story. I found an article about Arizona's controversy over recognizing Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and I took an interest in it. My professor put me in touch with an acquaintance in the state – a justice in the Arizona Supreme Court.

"Carla became a good friend and a great mentor to me, and I looked up to her. I actually held great affection for her … and one day she said to me, 'Martin Luther King Jr.'s intent was not to draw attention to our differences, but to ensure equal rights for all. He wanted everyone to see that it was okay to be a person of color, or a Jew, or an immigrant – that our differences are not what matters. But in order for others to see us as being equal to them, for them to accept us as people like them, we have to accept ourselves for who we are.' … She knew what she was saying to me, and what it would mean to me. And that … pretty much changed my life." She clarified. "For the better."

"Carla," Dorian wondered. Her mind turned to past events as it made the connection. "Carla … Hall?" Carla had lived in Llanview years ago before moving to Arizona.

"Oh," Amelia flinched, feeling a bit exposed. "You know her?" She knew Carla had lived in Llanview, and that Carla knew all about Dorian, but had not thought about how well Dorian might know Carla.

Dorian shifted in her seat. "Her husband, Ed, was on the ticket with Herb when he ran for governor. … Carla encouraged you to come out?"

"She taught me that it was okay to feel what I felt." Amelia examined Dorian as they shared a thoughtful pause.

Dorian eyed Amelia again. "Small world." She pondered whether Amelia knew other people that connected them by mere degrees of separation. The thought made her feel ill at ease for some reason. "I find it ironic that Carla would encourage you to be yourself considering that there was a point in her life when she wasn't." Carla was African American, but had passed herself off as white for a time.

Amelia was uncomfortable with the conversation. "She learned from her mistakes," she told Dorian, her voice revealing her uncertainty. "She just wanted to prevent my … not being honest … with myself."

Her eyes met Dorian's as she thought back on the phone conversation she'd just had, and they exchanged a silent look of guilt before Dorian defended herself.

"I suppose all great leaders have found themselves in the awkward position in which they had to sacrifice a bit of their personal integrity for the greater good." She tried to think of a good illustration. "Elected officials, for example, must represent the people who voted for them, even if their personal views are different than most."

Amelia acknowledged Dorian's conflict. "Or at least represent the people who supported their campaign, or might support it in the future."

Dorian nodded. Amelia understood.

"What's most important to you in the world, Dorian?" Amelia asked, anticipating the answer.

Dorian didn't even have to consider. "My family."

Amelia dipped her head. "Well – the LGLA – they are my family," Amelia explained. "When I figured out who I was – what was important to me – it was like I had finally found my place in the world – where I belonged." She lowered her chin at Dorian. "You said you were entrusting me with your family. Well … I'm entrusting you with mine." She kept her gaze fixed on the other woman.

Dorian returned the steady gaze, recognizing the severity and depth of what Amelia was telling her. Dorian could identify. There had been a time or two in her life when she had felt as if she had no family, either, whether true or not. She understood the need to feel a sense of place and to feel important. In a way, she felt that now, and had the urge to explain that need to Amelia in return.

Amelia was gentle as she continued. "That's why it is so imperative that you see this through, and we handle this well."

Dorian shifted in her seat and leaned toward Amelia. "Do you know why I decided to run for mayor?" She lifted an eyebrow, as if alluding to a big secret.

"Is it just to keep Viki out of office?" Amelia accused. "Is that why you were so eager to jump on the gay and lesbian bandwagon?"

"Of course not," Dorian defended before she had time to think about her answer.

Amelia wasn't convinced. "You knew the LGLA was shopping for a gay-rights candidate. You barely looked at my resume … and you didn't even interview me. You hired me because I told you I was gay. You knew the LGLA was poised to endorse Viki."

"Amelia…" Dorian protested, "…That is beside the point."

"I just can't help but feel like you're trying to pull back … like maybe you're trying to pick and choose just how far you're willing to go to win this. Like maybe it isn't as important to you as you let on."

Dorian squinted. Amelia was right. An awkward pause lingered between them as Dorian took care with her words. "You're right. Some things are more important to me than others, and … I'm just trying to get my priorities in this campaign in a line." She grabbed Amelia's hand to emphasize her sincerity. "But this isn't about Viki," she insisted. "I had my reasons for running for mayor."

"What were they?" Amelia asked, concerned. "Before the whole equal rights agenda came up? What was your motivation?"

Dorian released Amelia as she sighed and stood, retrieving her drink from the desk. "Honestly…." She turned back to Amelia once she had grasped her glass. She was frustrated with her own admission. "It was for my own personal satisfaction, okay? For … redemption. Power."

"Redemption?" Amelia wondered.

"Because I was Mayor Lowell's campaign manager. Because he would not support my becoming chief of staff at the hospital - which, by the way, I still plan to do at some point." She nodded to herself. "Especially now that Mayor Lowell is decommissioned and I no longer need his backing." She carried her drink back to her seat. "Because I threw my support and influence behind that … jackass … and people, including my own nieces, were nearly killed because of it."

Amelia pondered. "Okay. The redemption part I understand. What about the power? You seem to have plenty of power, money … influence." She gestured at the room around her.

Dorian considered Amelia for a long moment, her mouth somewhat agape as she held her jaw open. "I think we're a lot alike, Amelia."

Amelia blinked at her. The statement was unexpected. "How so?"

Dorian smiled at her own thoughts. "Because when we feel an injustice, we want to fight it – correct it. We're both ambitious. And we both know how to make ourselves valuable." She paused, then questioned. "Don't we?" She lifted an eyebrow at Amelia. "We want to be valuable. To have a presence in the world?" She chuckled. "How could it go on without us?"

Amelia looked Dorian in the eyes. She'd hit the nail right on the head. Amelia nodded understanding. She had positioned herself in Dorian's campaign with intent and purpose in order to make herself valuable not only to a possible future mayor, but also to the LGLA. In the same way, Dorian was running for mayor to make herself even more valuable to her town and peers. Still, she had to wonder. "How could you ever, possibly feel un-valuable, Dorian?"

Dorian lifted her chin with confidence and grinned, one eyebrow still higher than the other. "I know how valuable I am. Sometimes I just feel the need to … remind others of it. Particularly those who let me down." She squinted, her smile fading.

Amelia was still trying to learn more about Dorian. "Who let you down?" she whispered.

Dorian glanced at Amelia's pocket again. "Who was that on the phone?"

Amelia furrowed her brows, wondering if Dorian had heard more of the conversation than she had revealed. "What?"

"Oh, come on. We both know it wasn't Nick making sure the meeting went well."

Amelia didn't want to be another person to let Dorian down, and had to be honest. "It was Carla."

Dorian lifted her brows at Amelia. "Oh." She twisted her lips up for a moment before asking. "She doesn't support us?"

"She is pretty confident that you're not gay. She has a problem with that."

Dorian appreciated the irony. Amelia wanted support for their deception and wasn't getting it from Carla. Dorian wasn't even expecting support and was being encouraged by Blair. She had to crack a smile. "So do I."

Amelia grinned back for a moment before turning serious again. Despite not wanting to disappoint Dorian, she had suddenly remembered removing the record of a phone call from Dorian's phone earlier. Amelia wanted to assume that Ray Montez had been the one Dorian was referring to when she said that someone had let her down. She wanted to confirm that whatever Dorian wasn't saying wasn't a threat to their faux relationship. "I won't let you down, Dorian. Just please, don't let me down, either."

Dorian nodded back with a sad smile. "I think I'm going to turn in early. My headache isn't getting any better. But … feel free to stick around and take care of whatever you need to do."

"Of course," Amelia answered, concerned. "Just let me know if you need anything. See you in the morning?"

Dorian nodded at her. "Bright and early."

"I hope you feel better."

"Oh, I will," Dorian promised, exiting and disappearing up the stairs. As reassuring as their conversation had been – as much insight as it had given her – she still somehow felt nauseous.

The room fell silent and Amelia looked around when she heard a rustling sound coming from the terrace. It began to rain, the wind blowing leaves and drops against the panes in the doors.

It had turned out to be an intense night, full of intense thoughts, and the rain seemed like a comforting release. Reading Langston's article had confirmed to Amelia that she was in the right place, but until now, Dorian had not confirmed that herself. Now, between the phone call from her past mentor and Dorian's comparison of the two of them, Amelia longed to make herself invaluable to Dorian.

She didn't want to have to plan to go anywhere when the campaign ended, even if she provided Dorian with a way out. In fact, providing that out just might garner her Dorian's trust.

Dorian had left her shoes behind in the now-quiet room. For some reason Amelia felt compelled to pick one up and inspect it. It was beautiful, stylish, feminine, and made a statement about its owner's personality. She put the shoe back down where Dorian had left it.

So what if Dorian wasn't gay? Amelia had no doubt that she could win Dorian over – in a respectful way – and once she had sealed her position in Dorian's life and Dorian's office, she would be in an even better position to fight for equal rights than she was now. It all seemed so perfect. With newfound confidence, she gathered her things and headed out into the rain.

Upstairs, Dorian hung her clothes up in their neat and proper place, changed into her nightgown, and slipped into bed. With the light off, and the soft glow of her nightlight nearby, she lay on her back and stared at the ceiling with one hand on her forehead. She could hear the gentle weather playing on the roof and walls, like a song with only a few notes.

Who let you down?

She thought about Mel. She could still feel his presence so close to her – sometimes more than others – and when she couldn't see him or hear him it made their separation feel that much worse. She wondered if he was sitting at the edge of her bed. If so, he was being quiet and unseen tonight.

She found her mind straying, wondering about Ray - wondering if she had let him down even more than he had her - but she pushed him out of her mind and pondered David.

Why was David's timing always so … off? Somehow she couldn't help but think that Amelia was right about him, but she also felt she needed him close by. He was a contingent part of her life, and though she half expected him to disappear again at any moment, she did not want to lose him entirely. Plus, his friendship with Viki and his connection with the Buchanans could still be used to her own advantage.

She never thought about Clint much - the thought of him and Nora made her queasy. They were a positively incorrect couple, and it was sickening.

She wondered when was the last time Bo had visited Lindsay. For some reason, that reminded her that Carlotta was supporting Viki for mayor. Why did it feel so empty?

Who had let her down, indeed...

She tossed in the bed and clutched one of her pillows to her body. It wasn't her head that hurt as much as her heart.

#One Life to Live #OLTL #fanfic #A/U #Election Storyline #Carla Benari #Carla Gray #Carla Hall #Dorian Lord #Amelia Bennett #David Vickers #David Vickers Buchanan #Clint Buchanan #Ray Montez #Mel Hayes #Carlotta Vega #Lindsay Rappaport

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llantano · 4 years

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Turning Leaves, 14. Between the Lines

"Amelia, I'm finally able to reach you. How are you?"

Amelia couldn't help but smile as she held her cell phone to her ear. "I'm great. Surprised – to hear from you. How are you?" Her question was deep and sincere.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking," came the brief answer, moving on to more important matters. "But I have to admit I am a bit concerned about you."

Amelia could only try to guess what the concern was over, and was not sure whether she should be worried or offended. "How so?"

The voice on the line was gentle and calm.

"I still subscribe to The Banner. I don't want to accuse you of anything underhanded, Amelia – I think more of you than that. But every time I read the Llanview news I have this sinking feeling in my gut, and with each paper it gets worse. Are you really going to marry Dorian Lord?"

As Dorian approached the sitting room with her drink in hand, her mind was still distracted by her conversation with Blair and she didn't hear Amelia talking until she was to the door. It sounded like Amelia was speaking to someone on her cell phone – Dorian could only hear one half of the conversation. She paused against the outside wall to listen to what Amelia had to say.

Amelia was flattered by the concern of her friend on the line and somehow glad that someone was questioning her actions. It was a relief, in a way. At the same time, she felt defensive.

"Yes, I am. Do you have a problem with that?" Dorian heard Amelia ask. Amelia's voice sounded concerned, but heated. Dorian wondered what she was discussing.

"Only one, Amelia. Dorian is not gay."

There was a noticeable pause in the conversation that lingered in silence. Dorian tried not to move.

Amelia felt pressured to respond. Her friend - her former mentor - Carla, was right, of course.

"What makes you think that? Do you know Dorian?"

Upon hearing specific mention of her own name, Dorian's interest in the conversation was truly piqued. She inched closer to the open doors to the room, trying not to make a sound. She looked down at her drink as she waited for Amelia to speak again.

"Well, I admit I haven't crossed paths with Dorian for quite some time, but as I recall, she has always been interested in men. Now, Amelia, I'm not calling so that you can practice for the media on me. I want you to be honest with me, and if you can't be, I'm going to hang this phone up and stop wasting my time. What is going on?"

Amelia shook her head as she attempted to be more amused than insulted. "Dorian and I are standing up for equal rights for all people. We believe that everyone has the right to marry the person that they love, regardless of race, class, or gender…."

A part of Dorian wanted to roll her eyes, but another part of her was proud of Amelia's statement. She realized her mixed emotions about their stance and situation stemmed, at least in part, from the speech she'd just heard from Blair.

"I have to stop you. See, I read all that in the paper. My concern is the line about having the 'right' to marry the person that you love. You understand my concern?"

Amelia furrowed her eyebrows. "Not exactly, no."

As Amelia spoke again, Dorian wondered what question had been asked. She looked at her drink again, and she felt a bit anxious, but didn't move. There was another endless pause as Amelia listened to the person on the other end of the call.

"The whole point of marriage is for two people who love each other to commit their lives to one another – not to prove a point. I don't know if you love Dorian or not, but if she doesn't love you – if either of you is entering this marriage falsely, then you are automatically undermining everything you're trying to accomplish. And I may be slightly out of touch, but I know enough about both of you to know that you are two people who sometimes stack the blocks too high. Your ambition can't be faulted. I just don't want to see it all crashing down around you."

Amelia frowned. How could she respect and appreciate a person so much and feel so hurt and mad at them at the same time?

"How am I stacking the blocks too high?" she demanded. "This is a wonderful opportunity to finally draw some attention to the beauty of gay marriage and make something happen for my community. Dorian is with me on this. If there was any doubt in my mind, I would have already started backing off."

To Dorian, Amelia certainly seemed unhappy with whatever had been said. She had an urge to drop her drink and rush into the room to interrupt.

Yes, maybe they were stacking the blocks too high. She could comprehend the comparison – envision a wobbling tower just before it toppled. Amelia might not doubt Dorian, but Dorian had her doubts, for sure. She sighed as she thought of Sam's crayons – preventing herself from barging into the room and ending the charade that very moment.

Somehow, she just couldn't, and now she was starting to comprehend how much faith Amelia (and perhaps the whole LGBT community) was putting in her. It was a heavy burden, and Dorian had always believed she could carry the burdens others were not capable of carrying.

"You still haven't said anything about love, or given me any evidence that Dorian really is 'with you' on this. Amelia, I don't mean to sound harsh or doubt your sincerity, but please – tell me you are going to figure a way to ease yourself out of this before you're sued or worse. If your most publicized campaign is based on a fraud, your whole career is going to be destroyed, and you're much too young for that."

Amelia took a deep breath. "Listen, I believe in this. Like I've never believed in anything before. For the first time, I feel like I'm able to really make a difference – really contribute something meaningful to the world. I feel important. I'm where I am supposed to be. Dorian is the biggest part of that. I need her to help make this change, and she needs me to get elected. Please, support us – support me – on this."

Dorian would have smiled to herself, flattered, if her misgivings had not outweighed how pleased she was that Amelia felt she was helping to change the world. It was a dizzying thought. What if they could, in fact, change the world? What if they became a major part of American history for taking this stand?

On the other hand, what if it was the biggest embarrassment of Dorian's life? She lifted her drink to her lips as she continued to listen to the silence in the other room, waiting for Amelia to speak again.

"I have no doubt that both of you have this all justified in your minds." Carla sighed. "I guess you've answered all my questions and confirmed my doubts – and it seems there is nothing I can do to convince you that the whole situation is very disconcerting to me. Apparently there is nothing more I can say. I admire your passion and determination. If there is no way I can convince you to rethink this, then at least take this one piece of advice and follow through with it: Have good legal representation. And I don't mean Dorian's legal team. Find your own."

Amelia held her breath for a moment, a dull ache in her chest. "I appreciate your concern, and that's not a line. I really do. But I have to play hardball – someone has to play hardball – or things will never change. As far as my relationship with Dorian goes, my choices for my personal life are just that – my choices."

Dorian lowered her drink as she tried to read between the lines. She admired Amelia's initiative, but obviously whomever Amelia was talking to was someone close enough to her that they felt comfortable telling her that they didn't approve of her so-called relationship, but not close enough to know the entirety of what was going on. At first she wondered if it was an ex-lover, but somehow Amelia sounded more like a daughter talking to her mother.

Dorian wondered. It couldn't be Nick. Dorian was pretty sure Nick knew everything there was to know about the situation.

"But it isn't your personal life, Amelia," came the soft but decisive answer. "This is your public – very public – and professional life. I know this could propel your career, but like I said, it could also destroy it just as easily."

"Please, stop being so negative. Do you have a personal problem with Dorian or something?"

Dorian's head jerked toward the double doors. Did the person that Amelia was talking to know her? That possibility in itself was another cause for worry.

"I just worry that you put too much faith in her. My problem isn't with Dorian, per se, but the fact that she is influencing your entire life right now."

"When other people aren't?" Amelia accused.

Dorian twitched on the inside in response to Amelia's tone. She felt a bit guilty for eavesdropping, but not guilty enough to regret it or stop.

Carla discerned what Amelia had implied. "I don't want you to be hurt. I couldn't be the person you needed. If Dorian can be, then blessings to both of you."

Amelia remained silent, recognizing the wisdom in the words spoken and the truth of her situation.

During the pause, Dorian gritted her teeth in frustration. Listening to this conversation – not knowing what it was all about – was driving her up the wall. In her mind, she started plotting the things she could say to Amelia to pull the details from her without divulging that she had been eavesdropping.

When Amelia said nothing, Carla spoke up again.

"I would be so happy for you … if you could find a real, lasting, meaningful relationship with someone you love, and who loves you in return – the way you need to be loved."

Amelia was quiet for a very long time. Dorian grew uneasy about the silence and peeked around the corner.

Amelia was sitting on the couch with her back to the foyer doors. She was still holding the phone to her ear, still listening, motionless.

A hundred responses raced through Amelia's mind – some of them sad, some angry, some grateful. She wanted to defend herself – to prove she was no longer the girl her mentor had known – but those were the words she could not find.

"Find a way … to do this the right way. Don't ever try to be someone that you aren't, and don't ask someone else to play that role either. The longer you try to attain those expectations, the harder it will be to hold everything in place. You know where I'm coming from."

Finally, Amelia spoke. All she could say was, "I'll keep your advice in mind."

Dorian didn't like the sound of that statement. She didn't think she was being paranoid in assuming that someone was trying to talk Amelia out of their upcoming nuptials, or even the way they were going about their campaign. It was ironic – Blair was talking Dorian into going through with it while Amelia's … friend? … was trying to talk her out of it.

Dorian didn't like the idea of someone trying to one up her behind her back. She wondered if Amelia knew someone who was friends with Viki. That was a startling possibility. There was no way in hell Dorian would let Viki's campaign undermine her own with this sort of psychological warfare. She was angry just thinking about the idea of it.

"You have my number? Call if you need anything."

Amelia knew she would not call, but answered, "Sure. I'll keep you updated..."

"No need to. I take The Banner, remember? Give my regards to your fiancée."

Amelia had no intention of doing so. "…Thanks for calling. Bye." Amelia cut off the conversation and seemed rather annoyed.

She hung up the phone, trying not to feel the contempt or pain that rose to the surface of her emotions when faced with the concerned truth of a person who cared about her, and who she valued. She knew Carla was right, but there had to be a way for Dorian and her to have their cake and eat it, too. She just had to think about it.

Frustrated, she slapped her laptop closed, just as the wheels in her mind began to turn.

As Amelia ended her call, Dorian took a few quiet steps backwards so that she could put on her smile, hide how volatile she felt, and enter the room as if just arriving from the kitchen.

#OLTL #One Life to Live #fanfic #A/U #Dorian Lord #Amelia Bennett #Carla Benari #Carla Gray #Carla Hall #throwback #Turning Leaves #Election Storyline

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