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#From me mentally and i would be broken down by stess and anxiety by it lmao (:
mrfoox
·
2 years
Text
Ok so the good part of not being as bad as when I starved myself is cool but now I end up overeating instead and im like aw shit
#miranda talking shit
#I hesitate to say i have or have had an eating disorder bc i dont think i have the right to but like ...
#Ive definitely starved myself and one year i was down to like my heights 'normal weight' for the first time in my life
#And it was around the same time i attempted sucide mmhm
#I think my eating relationship is more part of nt autism diagnose since eating problems and autism is such an common thing
#Anyway what im saying is bc im not starving i end up eating shit bc im bored probably and i know its bad but my self control is non existet
#Im making a hamburger for dinner again /: its not great but its that or 200g chocolate honestly
#And trying to ... Keep track of my calories is a mess ... Every app seem to use American measurements and they mean nothing to me
#Got one now where i can scan the foods barcode so that's cool bc no app have my stupid swedish foods
#Anyway uh... Food? Awful relationship he and i...
#And sincd im autistic i hyperfixate on anything i like and i can honestly not grow tired of some things
#Chocolate is one such thing like i havent and im like hmm... Yeah scooby doo we are in some trouble again
#Wanting to get into contact with some sort of diet expert but who tf understands autism and mental illness ... Who is also an diet in
#My city? I think the chances are low on that... And my contact person says that its probably not going to be much help to have it either bc
#I have such problems with food overall it would be a problem ... And im like great ok i understand but also think i need to try to change
#Something and i will not be able to do that alone without help and tips and someone looking out for me?
#I feel like such a fuckin baby even tho i have it on paper that i have very specific problems i can need help with
#Like im what.... 4 years offically diagnosed soon? I still feel such intense shame and overall feeling ljke a failure when i
#Genuinely think i will need help to do something successfully ... Like i know i CAN technically do it but i know it would take everything
#From me mentally and i would be broken down by stess and anxiety by it lmao (:
#Doesnt help people tell me im... 'dont seem abnormal/autistic' like ok thanks... Im a girl and i have been forced to mimic social behaviors
#So people wouldnt hate me .... Idk i know they mean nothing mean by it but its like... Everything you cant see doesnt mean its not there?
#And me alone vs me with people is very two different people and i use all my energy to Seem Normal And Not Weird
#If you get me being weird or talking weird its bc you have earned the trust and i have let you see that
#But even then i dont talk or show some behavior outside unless you follow me around everywhere
#IM OFF TRACK IDK WHAT MY POINT WAS
#Caps im sorry...
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