#I also slightly feel set up and that’s the paranoia talking because I tweeted asking how I can be a better friend and clarified that it was

[tiredsadpeach]

I am so conflicted

#I had a therapy appointment today and kind of vaguely told her what happened between me and my friend #without letting her know that I feel like my life is empty without him and all that because I’m crazier than she knows #and she told me that if I was uncomfortable I had every right to express that #and I told her that I was really shitty with how I expressed it and so she asked if I had apologized for that and I have and then she said #like yeah I could’ve done it better but my feelings matter and I was uncomfortable so I shouldn’t feel too guilty for lashing out #she compared it to breaking up a fight like there’s lots of ways to do it and sure it could be broken up in a bad way but what matters is #that someone broke it up #and she also like asked what I would do if I was on the other side of the situation #but I’m just conflicted because I don’t like that my fp could be in the wrong I don’t like that #I love my therapist and I know she’s the expert and she’s a damn good therapist but just #he can’t be in the wrong I’m the one that hurt him I’ve done this so often and I told her that and she asked if I had been uncomfortable in #those past situations and like sometimes yeah and sometimes I’m just in a bad headspace and probably self sabotaging but I just idk I can’t #fathom me not being in the wrong here but deep down I know she’s right that he really should be wanting to evalute what made me uncomfortabl #and like try to make things better but I feel like I’ve made him feel like I just don’t care about him or something which is so far from tru #like not knowing if he’s okay right now is tearing me apart and my other friend also stopped talking to me but those two are dating so thats #probably why I knew if one stopped being my friend the other would follow so I only have one friend again I guess but tbh I shouldn’t have #any if I’m just going to do this kind of shit over and over #I also slightly feel set up and that’s the paranoia talking because I tweeted asking how I can be a better friend and clarified that it was #genuine and everything and my three friends told me I was a good friend #and just apparently not and I know it wasn’t a set up but paranoia and stuff says it was and hhh #everything is just so much and December is coming and my next therapy appointment is on me and my fps friendaversary #but also the day that an idol of mine died so that’s so cool #December is the worst month