#I caved and thought maybe I’ll make a Catholic match profile bc maybe God wants me to be more proactive

[curly-cottage-girl]

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#just feeling a lot of things and I don’t like them bc they’re kinda ugly #I know this yearning and gaping hole in my chest is ultimately supposed to be filled with God #at least in the sense that I’m not driven to envy over others being loved more than me #but I def have not been good with prayer lately. at all :/ #I’m feeling discouraged in many ways too. I want to try to do more hobbies but the learning curve is so steep when i look at them #and I already have almost no motivation anyway so that discourages me even more #I wish I WANTED to do stuff #I wish I had plans and goals in my life bc as I get older it’s more embarrassing when i talk with ppl #had a preliminary meeting with a guy who does financial advising and that kind feel flat bc like #I have no goals I’m working towards #and also I don’t even know how to describe myself and what I like and all #I caved and thought maybe I’ll make a Catholic match profile bc maybe God wants me to be more proactive #even if I don’t think I would ever be able to do anything like online dating at all #bc I can’t even do regular dating irl #I want to have known the person for a long time first #but anyway that’s ANOTHER whole thing #so anyway I stopped making my account when I had to describe myself for the profile and I just drew a blank #like sorry I don’t do or like anything :/ #I mean it’s not true but it also kinda is? #but yeah now I get all sorts of emails from catholic match and I can’t unsubscribe bc you have to sign in to unsubscribe #and I technically don’t have an account yet -_- bc I didn’t finish… so stupid #maybe I should go back to therapy…. #but I really was feeling like I had hit a plateau. like really it was stuff in my life that needed to change #or spiritual healing and growth #and there was only so much that talking could do by that point after I had done a good amount of growing in self knowledge #not like it ever ends really but also I had to wake up early to have them before work #and also it’s money so yeah I stopped :/ #so IDK #idk what to do #either in my life or for my mental/emotional state