#I love how Anything happens and castti is like no don’t worry I’ll Handle It | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beantothemax · 8 months

Note

Behold Fic. Tw for Vague suicidal ideation, violent intrusive thoughts, and Hikari not really letting himself feel anything other than detached numbness. He’s really not doing well.

“Hikari, what are you doing?”

Hikari freezes in place. Right. Right it may be late but not everyone would be asleep. Kazan especially was already one to stay up late, he should have realized that before he packed his things.

“I’m just going out on a stroll Kazan,” he lies. “Do not worry. I’ll be back shortly.”

Kazan glances at his bag and back at him. “Is the stroll going to involve you walking to the other side of the Continent because it sure looks like it.”

He really shouldn’t have packed his bag immediately.

Hikari laughs nervously. “I don’t know what you mean Kazan.”

“Hikari I can clearly see your bag packed, you’re trying to leave.”

Play dumb! screams the Curse, a rare statement not involving bloodlust.

“What bag?”

Not that dumb!

Kazan groans and put his hands to his face. “My Prince, I’m going to pretend that wasn’t a horrific form of lying and instead just tell you to get back to bed. Castti just fixed both of us up and if she finds out we’re out of our beds she’s going to kill us. That is not exaggeration. I genuinely think she will kill us if she finds out we’re out of our beds.”

While he doubts Castti would kill them if she finds out they’re up, she would give a stern talking to both of them and probably strap them to their beds to rest. He’s seen it happen before with Partitio and frankly he is not looking forward to that.

At the same time though, he needs to go. The Curse sings to him louder and louder and every day it is getting harder to ignore. If he stays any longer he’ll hurt his companions. He already gave in to the Curse so many times over this Journey, much more than when he was at Ku. In Wellsgrove he had it take over him completely and almost striked down General Rou.

And then Kazan revealed that he caused Mugen’s uprising and all Hikari could think about is the amount of people who died that day and how it was all caused by him and how easy it would be to run his sword through him and kill him and bring justice and-

We can still kill him now Hikari. It sings.

It would be so easy. No one is awake. We can finish the job that you started and you fled from. Give in to that anger. Give in and let the blood spill. Give in~

He closes his eyes, breathes, and tries to will the Curse to go away. Kazan is his friend and even though there is still some loathing buried inside him, there is no reason for him to kill. Kazan regrets it and right now Hikari has to move on and let it go. He has to let this whole thing go and give Kazan a second chance at fixing things. Nothing is gained from needless bloodshed.

Faintly, he hears someone sit on his bed. “Okay how about this, I’m going to take your stuff and put it in Partitio’s room because clearly right now you are going to make a stupid decision if I don’t.”

Hikari blinks and comes back to himself. Right. He’s trying to leave.

Kazan moves his bag away before he can grab it. “I would say that I don’t know why you’re leaving but that’s a lie, so I’m going to assume that the reason you’re leaving has something to do with…” He gestured vaguely. “…the whole Wellsgrove conversation thing.”

Hikari flinched.

“And apparently I’m right,” Kazan sighs. “Great. Love it when I’m right about things I don’t want to be right about.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” he says. It’s true. It’s nothing he can’t handle. He kept the Curse in check before and he can do it again. He’s done it for 8 years, he can survive a little longer with it before finding a more…permanent solution to it.

We both know you don’t want to die Hikari.

He closes his eyes again and breathes. He’ll figure out that solution later and he’s sure that he won’t resort to that. Hopefully.

It does take care of the Curse though…and it’s not like the country would fall apart if he was gone. He can trust his friends to take care of things so if something happened to him then-

“I really doubt that you are handling it well.”

The Prince shakes his head. “I am. I’m keeping it under control.”

“…Which is why you packed your stuff and planned on leaving,” he says slowly.

He really shouldn’t have packed his bag immediately.

Kazan sighs. “Okay, do you want me to leave for a little while? At least after Partitio does his Department Store with Alrond?”

Hikari blinks. “You’re leaving?”

“Not permanently,” the other says quickly. “Not permanently. Just long enough so that we both have time to think.”

He tilts his head. “Why would you want to leave?”

“I don’t know Hikari maybe because I just went and told you I caused the downfall of Ku and made the plan for your brother to ascend the throne.”

He’s practically admitting it! Aren’t you angry? Don’t you want to kill him and spill his blood and give justice to all those who died because of him? Don’t you want to do it Hikari?

He squashes the resentment down. “I fail to see how that connects with the fact that you’re leaving.”

Kazan blinks and looks at him incredulously. “Hikari,” he says slowly. “You can be mad at me. I would rather you be mad at me then have you doing…whatever this is.”

“I’m taking a stroll,” he supplies helpfully.

“Yes, you’re taking a stroll for about…” Kazan checks the bag. “…5 days.”

“…It’s a long stroll.”

“Hikari I’m serious about you being mad at me. Ritsu was mad at me when we told him what I did. Literally everything I did is a good reason to be mad.”

He’s putting himself up to you! Now’s your chance! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill-

“I have no reason to be mad,” he pleasantly says. Because really, he has no reason to be mad. If he ignores it long enough then the pain will fade away and the Voice would go and just shut up for onece.

Kazan stares at him.

“Okay.” The man stands up. “Okay you’re not going to go and talk about what’s bothering you today.”

“Nothing is bothering me,” he says, ignoring the clamoring song in his head.

“Oh gods we are going to need so much therapy.”

Now that’s something that Hikari can agree with.

“We’re going to need so much therapy,” Kazan continues. “And we’re going to go and have you talk about what’s wrong when Partitio and Throné are done here.”

“After we take back Ku we’ll talk.”

“Absolutely not we have to talk about it some point. If you don’t want that then when I rejoin you at Ryu.”

“After we take back Ku,” he insists. “And you’re not going to leave.”

“Stormhail,” Kazan offers. “How about that? Stormhail and I stay. Close enough to when we launch our strike against Mugen and I’m staying. We’ll talk then.”

Hikari thinks.

Enough time to plan the murder. Perfect Hikari! I knew you would come around eventually! We’ll bathe in the blood of your friends and that wretched Clan at Stormhail! Oh and your little Traveling Companions! They may join the rabble and give the countermelody to our song! Oh it’s so wonderful! It’s so beautiful! Oh Hikari-

Silence Imposter.

The Prince bows his head. “I accept,” he says quietly.

At that, Kazan visibly relaxes. “I’m holding you up to that my Prince. Remember that.”

Hikari smiles softly. “Of course. I never intentionally break my promises.”

And what about the promises of being by your friends side? What happens when you finally snap and kill them? What then?

It’s fine. He’ll be sure to prevent that from happening in the future. One way or another.

Kiwi have I told you how much I love your writing

the prelude to stormhail… im certain nothing bad or traumatic will happen to anyone there! why do I hear boss music.

kazan just saying ‘we are going to need so much therapy’ is amazing. because goodness gracious they are

AND!!!! the curse trying to get Hikari to kill Kazan during the whole fic!!!! it’s getting harder to ignore!!!!! aaaaa!!!

ALSO HIKARI. HIKARI ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT YOUR ISSUES. IT HELPS. HIKARI. BEING THE BOSS IN YOUR OWN FOURTH CHAPTER IS NOT A HEALTHY WAY OF LETTINH YOUR FEELINGS OUT. HIKARI-

kiwi i am so so excited for the stormhail fic you have no idea

#asks #sombrerokiwi #4 braincells au #inbox fic

3 notes · View notes