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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

#hell yeah tysm now also i should go for Passing Outs #(where you pass out like knocking out)#thank you Three Other Asks i see and appreciate it as well #oh wait shit four!!!#lol #it's 5:20am bed time bitch all day hit the hay #i forget what i say here i've been on and off doing whatever for the past 5 hrs obviously lmao #nothingunrealistic1

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chanoyu-to-wa · 5 years

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Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.3): Two Arrangements for an Ordinary Chaire and Chawan.

18.3) Two arrangements for an ordinary chaire¹ and chawan² (the first with a second variety of tea in a nakatsugi included in the ji-fukuro).

[The writing reads: fukuro no uchi³ chawan nakatsugi⁴ (袋ノ中　茶碗　中次); shiki-kami ha shikite mo, mata fukuro no uchi ha shikanu mo yoshi (敷紙ハ敷テモ、又袋ノ中ハシカヌモヨシ)⁵.]

_________________________

¹Chaire.

While chaire of various types existed in Jōō’s day, the most common “ordinary chaire” were large katatsuki (usually measuring 2-sun 5-bu in diameter)*. Indeed, since the machi-shū tea on which modern-day chanoyu is based took its inspiration from Jōō’s middle period (which seems to have been when the original document on which Book Three of the Nampō Roku is based was written), this is why the chaire with which students practice are invariably katatsuki chaire (of various sizes). ___________ *Indeed, the length of what have been known (generically -- since the Edo period) as Jōō‘s chashaku is precisely the length that would be appropriate when a 2-sun 5-bu chaire was resting on a chaire-bon of his preferred size (which, for a chaire measuring 2-sun 5-bu in diameter, would have been 8-sun 5-bu across).

A chashaku of this length (approximately 5-sun 9-bu) also rests easily across the rim of an ido bowl, as well as the other large chawan.

²Chawan.

As mentioned in the previous post, during the period when the original of this document was written, the “ordinary chawan” was usually an ido-chawan.(or one of the other “large chawan” that had been used as kae-chawan during the gokushin temae*).

While the sketches show the chasen standing upright in the chawan, it was probably† placed tines facing downward and resting on top of the chakin. __________ *Things like the Shukō chawan [珠光茶碗], for example (of which there were a number of nearly identical specimens in the early days -- each of which bore the name of the chajin who had owned it, so that the identity has been lost to modern people who only know the names), one of which is shown below.

The bowls used during the early days were uniformly remarkably shallow -- especially by modern standards. They were basically of the same depth as the temmoku, but with much wider mouths.

†Though, historically speaking, it is not possible to reach a definite conclusion on this matter: when arranged in a kae-chawan (which is what things like the ido-chawan were during the earlier period), the chasen is leaned against the folded chakin with the tines facing upward (in the same way it is placed on top of the mizusashi when the host is performing the chasen-kazari temae).

It is unclear when the change was made (though certainly by Rikyū's day, when the use of smaller chawan that measure around 4-sun in diameter became common, the chasen was being oriented with the tines facing downward).

The same can also be said regarding how the chawan was to be wiped with the chakin. While in gokushin tea the omo-chawan (the “main bowl” -- that is, the temmoku) was dried with the folded chakin, the kae-chawan (in which the chasen was cleaned with cold water at the end of the temae) was dried by draping the chakin over the side of the bowl, and then rotating the bowl. This is the way many of the machi-shū continued to dry the large chawan (even when it was used as the omo-chawan), understanding the way it was dried to be a function of its size (or, perhaps, because it was not a temmoku); and this is the way most modern schools teach that all chawan are to be dried today.

Jōō (at least at the end of his life) and Rikyū, however, dried the chawan with the chakin according to its function, rather than its size: when the bowl was used to serve tea, it was dried by wiping it with the folded chakin (starting with the bottom, and then working up toward the rim); and on those rare occasions when a (small) chawan was used as a kae-chawan, this bowl was dried by draping the chakin over the side and rotating. If tea was served in the kae-chawan during the temae, then the bowl was wiped with the folded chakin just as the omo-chawan had been -- until the end of the temae, when the chasen was cleaned with cold water. At this time, it was dried by draping the chakin over the side.

The reason can be understood in this way: when wiping the chawan with the folded chakin, the host begins with the cha-damari [茶溜り] (“the place where the tea rests”), the bottom of the chawan where the matcha is deposited as it is scooped out of the chaire. Then he wipes the chasen-zure [茶筅摺れ] (“the place rubbed by the chasen”), and then the upper part of the sides (the part of the chawan originally known as the yubi-zure [指摺れ] -- because this part of the bowl was cleaned by rubbing with the thumb during the cleaning process after the koicha had been drunk; though in the Edo period, with the loss of this practice, it was rechristened the chakin-zure [茶巾摺れ], meaning “rubbed with the chakin”); and then the (outside of the) rim. This, then, follows in order of purity (as well as according to which part of the chawan must be driest -- if the cha-damari is at all damp, the matcha can stick to it as a large katamari, ruining the koicha -- and the chakin tends to get wetter as the drying process progresses).

The kae-chawan, on the other hand, is wiped in the opposite order -- rim and upper part of the sides (simultaneously, with the draped chakin), then the chasen-zure, and lastly the cha-damari. Since this was done only at the end of the temae (the kae-chawan is only made wet at the end of the temae, when the chasen is cleaned in it using cold water -- so as to avoid contaminating the omo-chawan), the chakin and chasen are both used, and so ritually impure.

³Fukuro no uchi [袋ノ中].

This means within the ji-fukuro of the fukuro-dana.

Modern people would probably read this phrase fukuro no naka (though the meaning would be understood in the same way).

⁴Nakatsugi [中次].

This means a shin-nakatsugi [眞中次], of the sort first used (and perhaps designed) by Shukō. As explained in the previous post, whether this was the actual nakatsugi that Shukō used, or a recent copy, the fact that it had a kiri-ai-guchi [切合口] demanded that its display be special.

⁵Shiki-kami ha shikite mo, mata fukuro no uchi ha shikanu mo yoshi [敷紙ハ敷テモ、又袋ノ中ハシカヌモヨシ].

This statement means “the shiki-kami may also be placed down; yet, on the other hand, within the (ji-)fukuro, not laying it out (underneath the nakatsugi) is also acceptable.”

The ji-fukuro of the fukuro-dana is not considered, with respect to the kane-wari count: the utensils secreted therein are there only to save the host additional trips back and forth between the temae-za and the katte. So, while it is not wrong to place the shiki-kami down first -- as a gesture of respect to the nakatsugi (since this kind of tea container does not need a shifuku to protect the tea) -- it is also not necessary (since the original purpose of the shiki-kami seems to have been to insure that the nakatsugi “overlapped” its kane).

==============================================

I. The first sketch.

Here two varieties of tea will be served during the same temae. This does not necessarily mean koicha followed by usucha: indeed, it is more likely that both kinds of matcha will be served as koicha*. The tea contained in the chaire will be served first, followed by that in the nakatsugi.

The sketch -- as Tanaka Senshō points out -- also shows how the door that closes the ji-fukuro is disposed when the ji-fukuro is opened†.

The first version of this arrangement shows a shiki-kami placed under the nakatsugi. It is important to note that the nakatsugi is not in line with the chawan (which would suggest that they would be taken out together): rather, it is placed behind the midline (since it will be taken out later). The fact that the chawan is associated with the same kane as the chaire reinforces their relationship (at the beginning of the temae).

Also, please notice that the futaoki has been placed on the far side of the hishaku. At the beginning of the temae, after moving the chaire down to the mat (in front of the mizusashi) and placing the chawan beside it (as usual), the host picks up the hishaku with his right hand, and then, after lifting it clear of the tana, he takes up the futaoki with his left hand, and so moves it to the side of the ro, after which he rests the hishaku on top of it. The arrangement of the tana facilitates this action.

Here the arrangement is the same as above, albeit with the shiki-kami eliminated (which makes it easier to see the relationship between the chawan and the nakatsugi).

With respect to kane-wari, the toko is han [半] (it contains the chabana), the room is han [半] (it has the kama in the ro), and the tana is also han [半] (the mizusashi occupies the ji-ita; the hishaku and futaoki are counted together as a single unit; and the chaire on the ten-ita constitutes the third element: the objects in the ji-fukuro are not included in this assessment)‡. ___________ *The shin-nakatsugi was used as a koicha-ire by Shukō. In accordance with this precedent, it was usually used for koicha. (The fact that the kiri-ai-guchi protects the tea it contains even better than the ivory lid of a chaire coupled with the pressure exerted by the shifuku only furthers this argument -- since no such care needs to be taken about the tea that will be served as usucha.)

†Notice, in particular, that the handle of the door is facing toward the left (toward the katte) -- and so is the opposite of the way the lid of a mizusashi is placed when it is opened (which is always toward the place where the guests are seated).

‡At night, the tokonoma would probably be empty during the goza, making it chō [調]. This, in turn, would give a chō count to the whole za -- since chō + han + han is chō, which is appropriate for the goza after night has fallen. Consequently, there would be no need to alter the arrangement of the fukuro-dana during a yo-kai [夜會].

——————————————–———-—————————————————

II. The second sketch.

In this arrangement the chawan and chaire have been placed together on the ko-dana, while the hishaku has been placed by itself on the naka-dana. The futaoki, while it has been arranged together with the mizusashi on the ji-ita, is associated with a kane that is not contacted by the mizusashi, meaning that the two utensils are counted separately for the purposes of kane-wari.

This arrangement can be considered a variation of the one shown in the upper sketch in the previous post.

With respect to kane-wari, as in that earlier case, the tana yields a count of han [半] (hishaku, chawan, chaire, mizusashi, and futaoki all being counted separately). Thus, when the toko and room are also han [半], this will give a count of han to the goza -- which is appropriate for a chakai that is held during the daytime.

At night, leaving the tokonoma empty during the goza will satisfy the demands of kane-wari by changing its count (and so the total count) to chō [調]. (Jōō adhered to these kinds of rules much more strictly than Rikyū is seen to do in his kaiki.)

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flauntpage · 7 years

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Down Goes Brown Grab Bag: Trash Talking, Boring Senators and Cookie Phil

Welcome to Sean McIndoe's weekly grab bag, where he writes on a variety of NHL topics. You can follow him on Twitter. Check out the Biscuits podcast with Sean and Dave Lozo as they discuss the events of the week.

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Team Italy scores a goal at the World Championships—Um, guys? I don't think you're hockeying correctly.

The second star: Jared Boll is laughing with you, not at you—The Predators ended up getting the last laugh in game three, but Boll's reaction to seeing his team take the lead after he drew an instigator penalty was…interesting.

The first star: David Poile would like you to stop playing X-Man—Be sure to stick around for the update.

Outrage of the week

The issue: Ryan Johansen called out Ryan Kesler after game two, accusing the Ducks' agitator of dirty play, saying that "it sucks when you have to pull a stick out of your groin after every shift," and adding that Kesler's "family and friends watching him play, I don't know how you cheer for a guy like that." The outrage: He's not wrong. But he's not supposed to say it. Is it justified: This is the kind of thing that we typically see a few times every postseason. Things happen on the ice, tensions run high, and eventually the unthinkable happens: Somebody actually says something interesting.

At that point, everyone falls into one of two camps. The first is the old school, where you're shocked and offended that anyone would say anything ever. This is the side that believes that if you have a problem, you deal with it on the ice. A small handful of guys, like Jonathan Toews and Jaromir Jagr, have been given a hall pass to occasionally express an opinion, but everyone else is expected to stay down and stay quiet.

The other side thinks that guys like Johansen speaking their minds is great. Athletes in every other sports do it, and when they do it inevitably it sparks more interest among fans. Surely the hockey world, with its notoriously boring personalities and cliched sound bites, could use a little more post-game bad blood.

The problem with Johansen's mini-rant is that it landed pretty much right in the middle of the two sides. He said something beyond "get pucks in deep", so the old-timers are mad at him. But as far as trash talk attempts go, this one didn't really land. The bit about family and friends was a nice touch, but other than that, the whole thing sounded a lot more like a guy whining about not getting the calls than anything else.

The fact that Johansen said so little and still drew the ire of the traditionalists is pretty much all you need to know as to why we so rarely hear players say anything at all. If we're going to have this argument every few weeks, here's hoping the next guy to speak up actually goes full pipe bomb and makes it worth our while.

Obscure former player of the week

With the Vegas Golden Knights expansion draft just a few weeks away, it's fitting that we're being treated to a Western Conference final that features two relatively new teams in the Predators and Ducks. So today, let's bestow obscure player honors on a player that links those two teams and their expansion histories: Russian goaltender Mikhail Shtalenkov.

Shtalenkov became an international name in 1992, when he was the starting goalie on the gold-medal winning Unified Team at the Olympics. He was picked by the (then) Mighty Ducks a year later in the fifth round of their first ever entry draft, a few spots ahead of future all-star Miroslav Satan. Already 27 years old when he was drafted, he made his NHL debut that season, playing ten games for the Ducks. He'd see part-time duty with the team for the next four years, playing a career-high 40 games in 1997-98. He went back to the Olympics in 1998, winning silver as Russia's starter.

That same year, the NHL welcomed its 27th team when the Predators were born. Nashville took five goalies in that year's expansion draft, including Mike Richter (yes, really), and future starter Tomas Vokoun. They also took Shtalenkov, making him the first ever link between the Predators and Ducks.

Sadly, Shtalenkov wouldn't get to work on his Hockey Tonking, as he never played a game in Nashville. He was part of a five-player deal with the Oilers, where he'd share starting duties with Bob Essensa before another trade to Phoenix. He'd last 15 games as a Coyote before another trade, this time to Florida for Sean Burke. At the end of the 1999-2000 season, he headed back to Russia to finish his pro career.

Shtalenkov later went into coaching. A few years ago, he was briefly part of a weird news story in which he was apparently reported missing by his wife, but later turned out to be fine.

Debating the issues

This week's debate: The Ottawa Senators are two wins away from the Stanley Cup final. But are they a boring team?

In favor: Good lord, yes. Game one on Saturday was nearly unwatchable. Game two was only marginally better. Off the ice they make for a great story, but when it's time to play the games this team can be tear-your-eyes out dull.

Opposed: Well, hold on. You're just cherry-picking a few bad games. They sure weren't boring when they went out and blew the doors off the Penguins in the first period on Wednesday. And what about that 6-5 OT thriller against the Rangers? The Senators aren't boring all the time.

In favor: Sure, but "not boring all the time" isn't exactly a ringing endorsement. So sure, congratulations on having played one entertaining period in the first three games of the series. You're still boring.

Opposed: But there's more to an entertaining game than goals. Just about all of Ottawa's games during this run have been close, with seven of them going to overtime. Not to go all hockey hipster on you, but I'll take a tight 2-1 game over a sloppy 7-3 one any time. And besides, even if they are dull, who cares? They're winning. Like Bobby Ryan said earlier this week, "ratings be damned".

In favor: And he's right, from Ottawa's perspective. Nobody is blaming them for playing a system that works. This league has spent 20 years watching this style take over the game and never does anything about it, so good for the Senators if they can exploit that. They're even starting to embrace the whole "boring" thing, which is sort of cool. But none of that means that the rest of us want to watch.

Opposed: That's fair. But still, any team that has Erik Karlsson can't be all…

Senators fan: EXCUSE ME BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT OVERHEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT MY TEAM SO I AM HERE TO YELL ABOUT THAT.

In favor: Whoa.

Opposed: Hey man, can you turn the volume down a little bit?

Senators fan: NO SIR I CANNOT AS OTTAWA FANS ARE VERY SCREECHY RIGHT NOW.

In favor: Yeah, we've all noticed. But do you really have to interrupt us in the middle of…

Senators fan: YOU HAVE SAID SOMETHING BAD ABOUT THE SENATORS AND I AM HERE TO THROW A TEMPER TANTRUM ABOUT IT.

Opposed: I'm not sure we even said anything all that bad.

In favor: Yeah, we all acknowledge they're a good team on a great Cinderella run. It's just that they're kind of boring sometimes, and most fans seem to prefer…

Senators fan: LEAVE MY WONDERFUL PERFECT TEAM ALONE OR I WILL HAVE TO FIGHT YOU.

Opposed: Dude, chill out. Your team is in the conference final. People are going to talk about them. You guys are going to need to be able to handle some occasional criticism.

In favor: Yeah, seriously. You Senator fans have generally been pretty cool over the years, but during this playoff run you've all gone super-sensitive about every little thing and it's getting kind of weird.

Opposed: Maybe just take a few deep breaths and see if that…

Senators fan: THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS HAVEN'T WON A STANLEY CUP SINCE 1967.

Opposed: Yes but… wait, what does that have to do with anything?

Senators fan: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT NO SENATORS FAN CAN GO MORE THAN FIVE SENTENCES WITHOUT MENTIONING IT OR WE DIE.

In favor: I always wondered what was up with that.

Senators fan: IF YOU DIDN'T VOTE ERIK KARLSSON FOR THE HART TROPHY YOU HATE PUPPIES.

Opposed: That's not true.

Senators fan: WE ARE CANADA'S TEAM NOW AND EVERYONE MUST LIKE US. THE PRIME MINISTER MADE A LAW.

In favor: That isn't how things work.

Senators fan: CHRIS NEIL FOR CONN SMYTHE. BOB COLE IS MEAN AND BAD. ALFIE DIDN'T MEAN TO SHOOT THAT PUCK AT NIEDERMAYER.

Opposed: Yeah, sure, we get it, but it's… wait, that was five sentences without bringing up the Leafs for no reason.

Senators fan: I… WAIT… I LOST COUNT AND … [explodes into fine mist, spraying stale Beaver Tail shrapnel everywhere]

Opposed: You have to admit, that last part was kind of exciting.

In favor: It really was.

The final verdict: This entire section is all Toronto's fault somehow.

Classic YouTube clip breakdown

Hey, speaking of the Maple Leafs…

One of the running themes of the Senators/Penguins series has been the budding rivalry between Phil Kessel and Dion Phaneuf, who mixed it up several times on Wednesday night. This is, of course, not the first time their paths have crossed. The two were the building blocks for Brian Burke's stint as GM in Toronto, and came to symbolize all the good and bad of that particular era. Eventually, both were traded away. But for several years, they were easily the two best known Toronto Maple Leafs in the world.

So today, let's travel back five years to watch as the two stars share a light-hearted bonding moment between teammates.

It's January 2012, and the NHL is in Ottawa for all-star weekend. Phaneuf and Kessel have both made the team, so they're in town to do a little pre-game promotion work. Standard stuff. I'm sure it will be fun.

Phaneuf is doing a sit-down, and our clip begins when he somehow hears Kessel approaching behind him. You're expecting me to make some sort of lazy "Phil Kessel is so fat you can hear him walking" joke, but I'm above that. There will be no weak and tired Kessel conditioning punchlines here.

"Oh, he's eating a cookie!" Um, OK, maybe Phaneuf didn't get the no-conditioning-jokes memo.

Phaneuf invites Kessel to join him for the interview, dropping a "You just interrupted it" in the process. Did that seem a little angry to you? It did to me. That Phaneuf is such a card, when he decides to playfully tease a teammate he really commits to the character.

"We better get you on the bike if you're going to keep eating these cookies, that's your fourth one today." See… playful? I think this is playful. Please tell me this is playful.

Kessel tries to claim that it's only his first cookie, at which point Phaneuf goes full-on dad mode while busting him with a detailed list of times and locations. I was fully expecting him to explain that he's not mad, just disappointed.

Anyway, now that Kessel's been thoroughly cookie-shamed by his friend(?), I'm sure we'll get to the friendly banter.

See, here we go. Kessel relates a funny story about being asked who'll choose the music for the all-star locker room. "I told them you." See, that's nice! "And I said you're the worst DJ in the league." Oh.

"Hey, you can go get your ipod," Phaneuf replies. "I know you're extremely cheap, but…"

OK, I'm going to just jump in right here. Do…. do Phaneuf and Kessel hate each other? I mean, do they legitimately want to fight right now? I think they might.

Just for context, Phaneuf being the Maple Leafs' locker room DJ was kind of a thing in Toronto for a while after Burke somehow used it as a way to praise his leadership skills. So this is Kessel coming in and just firing directly at the thermal exhaust port. These guys are not messing around.

By the way, can we give Kessel some credit for holding his own here? He's never been viewed as an especially intimidating guy, but he's pulling off a pretty decent "I'm going to stand right over you and keep eating my cookie and what are you going to do about it?" move here.

That face where you realize your fun sit-down is about to turn into a fist fight.

A flustered Phaneuf tries to resume the interview, but Kessel is still hovering semi-menacingly in the background. The interviewer asks if he'll be in the hardest shot competition, at which point Kessel comes storming back for more, asking if "You mean that muff of a shot?" I don't even know what that means, but it sounds bad.

At this point, Phaneuf calmly gets up, grabs Kessel in a headlock, drags him down the hallway and throws him down that escalator.

Wait, I'm being told I imagined that. What Phaneuf actually does is offer up a plaintive "Phil is all over me today. I don't know why… he's angry today". Which is probably the safe play. Would you want to mess with this guy?

I feel like we have to score that bout for Kessel. Phaneuf got the early takedown and landed some shots, but ran out of gas at the end and left himself open. I'm going split decision for Phil, but I'm willing to hear other viewpoints.

By the way, you may be wondering how we got this clip of the Maple Leafs' two most important players coming to within a few seconds of roundhouse kicking each other in the temple. Did some fan film it with their phone and upload it to social media? Is it security cam footage that the hotel didn't dispose of properly? Oh, no, it was uploaded by the official Maple Leafs YouTube account. And then they gave it this title:

The 2011-12 Maple Leafs missed the playoffs for the seventh straight season, in case you were wondering. No idea how that happened, with all that dressing room chemistry.

Epilogue: They eventually made up.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

Down Goes Brown Grab Bag: Trash Talking, Boring Senators and Cookie Phil published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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