#I remember the days when criticising schools and explaining that aggression was only going to rise with a system that enables it

[saltypiss]

Just sayin, if teachers stopped taking the side of the aggressor, schools wouldn't be so hostile. If they stopped enabling aggressors, it wouldn't be so hostile, when kids aren't pushed up against a wall and ya'll didn't help push them further up, schools wouldn't be as aggressive.

It's real easy too, you see, when a kid says another kid is bullying them, you do something? Not put them in the same room to talk, like a fucking absolute baffoon, not tell the victim to get over it, not take the side of the aggressor.

Because that's when all options were exhausted. And you. You enabled this. When students do all they can with their limited resources and you throw them back to the sharks, they Will Defend Themselves while you aided in their assault.

Don't deny it gives you a boner to see kids suffer, I know how you enablers think. Why else take such a shit paying job if not to torture kids? Don't answer that, the alternative is far, far worse.

Schools should be held accountable for shit like this. Forced to make a paper trail, and when they punish the victim, the victim can go to court and show the receipts. No fucking reason to aid in assaulting bullied kids. Absolutely none.

Schools Need To Stop Enabling Violence.

That's all they do. That's how they're set up. That's their purpose. Until they fix themselves, schools are, literally, combat zones. And, literally, schools enabled it worse than any politician, loooong before any modern political discourse.

Better education, higher pay, and no lunch debt is one thing, but the enviroment of school is Active Combat. Teachers put kids up to assault and harrass other kids all the time out of seemingly boredom.

That is a decision they have made loooong before shootings were so frequent. Can't blame them for that, but you can blame them for the enviroment being so open and casual to such.

To ever make it a last resort, to ever Make It To A Last Resort.

Like instead of teaching kids empathy, being there for them in times of crisis, teachers really pushed kids to be even more aggressive. It's sickening we don't put any blame on all aggressors involved because of a fuckin' title. Blame teachers and school for being bully enablers.

Honestly, wouldn't surprise me if Kidz4Kash was still around to "collect troubled youth" the school system forced them into. Mine tried before the scandal was exposed. School is just not remotely safe. Hard to say School as a concept will ever work given the people that work it.

Seriously don't put your kids in public school. It was worth it for communication skills, but life long problems come either way, I'd rather a sheltered moron than a combative experienced child turned adult too soon, or dead, more than likely dead, probably suicide or shooting. Either way, schools enable it.

Just saying, school has more issues than money. It's the people. Blame Schools. If they wanted to be better, they'd have tried. If they wanted teacher pay better, they'd have tried, if they wanted school shootings to stop...

They'd be better people. Not working that job. Because no Chef works Mcdonalds, just teenagers and crackheads. Raising pay will help, but you Have To Fire the Aggressors for it to even matter. Otherwise you reward the systems in place that have caused such aggressions to rise.

Schools need to fix themselves, fire aggressors, stand up for victims, be held accountable when they actively choose to fail, and then, only then, raise pay.

As of now? Pffft. Ya'll fuckers putting kids in jail, therapy, or the grave. Only one of those is socially acceptable. Fuck off.

#schools #I remember the days when criticising schools and explaining that aggression was only going to rise with a system that enables it #oh those days were fantastic #having teachers online come and explain Exactly Why Shit Was Going To Get So Bad but being totally incapable of realizing their actions #will lead to modern problems #you learn alot from morons defending their pro-aggressor attitude #anyways #yeah please don't listen to teachers after whatever big event at a school #listen to the kids that aren't camera perfect for news stations #let them speak #they'll tell you about the time a kid was causing them problems for months and despite asking teachers to help was only punished for it #or how one teacher actively bullied them so much they started calling to be pulled out of their class everyday #or how one teacher honest to god put him and the bully in the same room to discuss feelings #at age 13 #and that doubled the problem #and when you went to them they just pushed you off and stopped seeing you as your guidance counsellor everyday #cool times #yeah no seriously though Schools are set up like shit and Pay is hardly the half of it #teachers are aggressors #they will set kids up to fight each other #they will defend their favorite #they will lie to get you in trouble #they will follow you from junior to high school #and you will be taken out for YOUR PROTECTION and put in online school #that #is #public school

[alifeleadsimply]

Stop the guilt – fight feeling guilty about how you parent

Mom guilt.

That debilitating feeling that can be so intense and so convincing that it can lead you to believe that you are not good enough. And although we like to blame society and fellow moms, I think the root of this guilt is buried deep within ourselves.

Nobody can deny that social media can function as a microphone, enabling messages to be amplified and broadcasted further and wider than in the past. There is also no denying that this function can be used to spread a message of failure and judgement, sometimes from innocent and unassuming sources. Remember, we perceive the world, not as it is, but as we are. If you have self-doubt, especially in the space of parenthood, the message you get from the Insta post showing a stack of golden pancakes, with a smiley, dressed child in the background, is not one of shared joy. It is an immediate self-reproach. Of course, not always, but we all get bad days. And in the mommy-space, a bad day can be similar to what you think it will feel like watching the start of WW3.

I started this post saying that I like to think our blame should be shifted – away from society and fellow moms. Yes, they do add to our mom guilt, but I think the true root of it, the speck of truth that makes us over-react and over-analyse, can be found in our own childhoods.

How many of you grew up in an idyllic house, with the perfect family?

I will venture a guess, not that many. So many women who thought they had the perfect childhood realise later in life that there were significant shortcomings. I hate generalisations, but in order to bring this point across, I will need to indulge in them for a bit. Please bear with me. These shortcomings can be anything from definite gender roles, lack of discipline, lack of choice, lack of freedom, the pressure to perform, need to entertain. Remember, our parents aren’t perfect, and in most cases, they also just did the best they could with what they had. And what they knew.

As the world changed, so did parenting. And for many of us, the way we were brought up are as far from how we want to bring up our own kids as possible. But of course, times are different. We have less time to spend with our kids, in most cases (especially now) less money, and so many more distractions. Add to that the never-ending eyeballing and passive-aggressive criticising of “mommies who know better” and you have the making of a perfect storm.

Enter the guilt.

You feel guilty for not breastfeeding. Breast is best you know, or so they tell you. You feel guilty for going back to work after three months’ maternity leave – why so soon? How can you choose your career over your baby? Of course, the judgement never leaves space for the possibility that without your income you cannot provide for said baby. You feel guilty for buying baby food instead of making your own. Then they grow up, so you feel guilty for feeding them food out of a package. You grew up with microwave dinners and you wanted your kids to eat differently. You feel guilty for allowing them screen time. You feel guilty for snapping at them. You feel guilty for being overjoyed if they sleep over at their grandparents for a weekend. Then you feel guilty for missing them.

So much guilt. And if you are a single parent, the guilt just climbs. More and more and more. Guilty for denying your kids two loving parents, guilty for not being able to buy them whatever they want (and sometimes even need), guilty for having to keep them in school as long as possible, even opting for after-school care, so you can work. Guilty for having to work. Guilty for seeing the hurt in their eyes when they see their classmates get picked up by their dads, or when you need to stand in for the father-daughter race. Guilty for being tired at night, for getting up tired, for always being tired.

Single mom survival checklist

Now with Covid-19, there is the added guilt over your choice of sending your kids to school or not. If you keep them at home, you are paranoid. If you send them to school, you are selfish. While the truth is you need to send them so you can get work done so you can provide for them at the end of the month, plus after almost 4 months of having them with you 24/7 you feel burned out and at the end of your rope – so those few hours a day that you get to only be you are glorious. And of course, that makes you feel the most guilty of all.

We feed this guilt when we compare the way we are raising our kids to the way that we were raised ourselves. I agree that there are a few things that you might have gone through that you want to spare your kids, or things you definitely want to do differently to how your parents did it. But by putting that bar too high you are only upping your chances of feeling like you failed.

What would I suggest you do?

The best parenting advice I ever received was this – have three non-negotiables, three things that you will never bend on, change, or negotiate. Figure the rest out as you go along. I have adapted this into my own parenting journey as three discipline rules, three lifestyle rules, and three relationship rules. My non-negotiables for discipline are we do not hurt each other, including physical, we give the opportunity to explain, and we always apologise. Lifestyle rules are we eat as natural as possible, including not having takeout often, we do not waste, and we drink water before we drink anything else. And relationships? We talk to each other, we have dedicated one-on-one time that does not have a screen involved, and we hug often.

I know that if I have these rules in place, I can make the rest up as I go along. And then, when the guilt starts rearing its ugly head, I can push it back down, I can tell the guilt – I am doing my best. I have healthy, happy, and secure kids who rely on me, and me alone, to keep them safe. And I am doing a dam good job. So you, Insta-perfect Mom, can take that stack of pancakes and shove it, because I am not less than or more than, I am perfect. And every decision I make comes from a place of love. And when I am wrong, I will apologise and try again.

Mom guilt? We need to stop. We have nothing to feel guilty about.

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#Alifeleadsimply #singlemama