#I was an idiot to not recognise lack of efforts in the last one I'm certainly not doing it again

[rosetta-stoned-bitch]

I feel like shit, too many straws on my back and one of them is def gonna break it

#Arushi rambles #It's my bday soon and I've never had a lesser inclination to celebrate it #God ugh #My best friend isn't in town #Neither is my boyfriend #And my anxiety won't shut up about how he's actually forgotten my bday and won't even wish much less send a gift #And recently we've been talking much less too since he went back to his hometown and we went long distance #And it feels like I'm the only one who even wants to talk and it's starting to make me feel really really stupid. So stupid that I get angry #Like I get its gotten really stressful. Since he is back home plus has this whole really frustrating job hunt going and it kinda makes sense #To not always want to talk because of how frustrating life has been lately and I'm really trying to be understanding of it all #But it feels horrible to pick up my phone at 2 in the afternoon and have absolutely 0 texts since last night #Which was also me trying to initiate a casual conversation that we did not even end up having #And it makes me want to completely stop initiating any conversation and it's making me want to stop putting in any kinda effort and ughhhh #idk man #I thought this would be different #If he does forget my bday I don't think I'll stay with him. I'm not making the same mistakes here. #I was an idiot to not recognise lack of efforts in the last one I'm certainly not doing it again #No matter how fckn amazing and consistent he'd been the 4 months he was here. #Maybe I should tell him I'm feeling like shit I know I should but whenever we talk he sounds so down and stressed already #I really don't feel like adding on #Ugh idk

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

PRIVATE TRANSMISSION

FTL: I've been thinking. Though I have already said the gist of this to Echoes of a Paradox in private, I do believe that it would also be of worth to say it here as well. Even if that means that only one other person gets to hear this.

FTL: I'm sorry.

FTL: I still have not fully processed the unintentional effects of my past actions, nor have I made a proper attempt to 'change' (and I do believe that latter is unecessary, for reasons of the fact that all of my actions that caused said unintentional effects have long since ceased, if for the fact that it's due to my reluctance to talk with you), but the apology is genuine.

FTL: I did not mean to harm either - any - of you, I did not mean to project my worldview. I completely understand that I am very much an outlier in terms of my thinking and that my lack of understanding of others' thinking can and has lead to my seeming prejudiced and judgemental, which in turn caused fear of rejection. It's also come to light lately that said mindset isn't considered to be healthy. And while I do disagree with that, that only applies to myself.

FTL: I do not say this often, and perhaps I should say it more, but I care about you. Hurting any of you is the very last thing I wish to do. I truly, genuinely, am sorry for the consequences of my actions, and I do hope that you can recognise my regret.

FTL: ...I love you.

EP: I've told you this already but: it's not alright. It never will be. But I do recognise your regret.

EP: thanks. Thank you, Finely-Tuned Line.

EP: It's still... It's still too late for all this to be happening, but I'm glad. I'm so glad that you've realised all this (even if it happened only after my rant), eventually. Better late than never!

EP: Love you too.

FTL: I suppose 'better late than never' would be the correct expression here.

FTL: I'll be making an attempt to communicate with you more often, as I have been shirking that responsibility. I'm sure I've missed a lot.

EP: Not really! Unless you wanna hear about my newest set of poems, which I'm very sure is not something you wanna hear.

FTL: ...Poetry, just like most forms of art, seems pointless.

EP: ...

FTL: Right, sorry. I do not mean it in the sense that you shouldn't do it. I mean it in the sense that I myself don't understand the point of it, but you are still entitled to the enjoyment of it.

EP: That's better, I suppose.

EP: There are so many things that you don't understand, aren't there...

FTL: I... have been told that rather often, yes. And it is a fact that I am conscious of. I do not make any effort to remedy it because, that too, is a pointless conquest.

DD: idiot.

DD: thanks for the apology i guess

FTL: Ah, hello Doubt's Dichotomy.

FTL: I would just like to say that I am not an idiot.

EP: Mmm no sol's right! It's just a bit wrong. You're a stubborn idiot. A truly rare breed...

FTL: ...

FTL: I do not see the point of continuing this.

EP: It's always about 'points' with you. Not everything has to have a meaning!

FTL: I disagree.

EP: Of course you do.

EP: You see, sometimes the 'point' of something is to simply have fun and enjoy yourself.

EP: Not everything has to have some... grand purpose or whatever.

FTL: I'll take that under advisement.

EP: That's better than nothing.

#!!part of the reason why ftl is saying this in the gc and not just dming it to dd as well so she gets to hear this too is bcs of #well sns was in the gc as well so even if xi cant communicate due to xir... state... ftls apologising to xim as well!!!! #very cool!! #yes thats the sme line that ftl said to upsilon ('hurting you is the very last thing i want to do') (: #capital m Meaning #mhm #dhjfjgmg #yeaa the conversation proooobably continuined on past that but ehhhh #it aldo proooobably didnt #who knows #local group 16 content!!! #i love them #i can finally write ep lovingly bullying ftl #its glorious #rp #chat logs #finely-tuned line #echoes of a paradox #doubt's dichotomy