#I was diagnosed with leukaemia at 4.5 years old. my most important years of development

[vampireknitting]

I have to get my wisdom teeth removed here on the 4th and I really wish medical anxiety wasn’t so dismissed or laughed at.

The anxiety has been slowly ramping up since Christmas and now that I have to cut out the only thing that’s managed the fibromyalgia bs. I mean sure it’s just weed. But when my health tanked and I was throwing up half of everything I tried to eat and losing weight like it was nothing. Unfortunately it was the only thing that helped stop the vomiting.

I’ve been put on and taking off several medications over the years for being the unlucky type that doesn’t react well to different meds. All the gut pills they wanted me to take hurt or was you know making me digest my own blood.

The Fibromyalgia began creeping in when I was in high school and the doctors I had told me to eat pills and go away. I had injured my knee and it just didn’t get better. I still have issues with it. Being a childhood cancer survivor means health complaints must be cry’s for attention or drugs.

They asked me to not consume any weed because they don’t know if it’ll hurt me to be put under so they can cut out the heavily impacted teeth. Which fine, I won’t fight because they could label me as some sort of user or drug obsessed or whatever. But the only drug that I know can kill you while being put under is meth.

My sister’s dental surgeon said don’t stop smoking weed because there isn’t anything out that supports either side. Pro weed or anti-weed before surgery. He didn’t want anything to add to the stress of the surgery so he said keep doing what you’re doing.

#disabled homemaker #just some thoughts #too much anxiety #i just wanna cry #how do you stand your ground against people who are so quick to label you as some sort of druggie #they argue with me when I say painkillers make me sick #I’m not asking for special treatment just for straight answers. #it’s made worse when I get eye rolls for saying my health issues started before I started smoking #I’m not asking you fucks to smoke with me I’m asking you why #how do you even begin working with an anxiety type that is triggered by medical professionals? why are drugs the only fucking answer? #I was diagnosed with leukaemia at 4.5 years old. my most important years of development #have been dominated by adults who kinda treated me like a fucking animal who couldn’t understand a lick of English #or ignored because she only misses the treatment she use to get as a child. #because I love being talked over like I don’t fucking exist or I’m just crazy #I just love the sneer I get when they read cancer survivor in my charts and suddenly I’m the paragon of health #even though I’ve been asking for help for most of my life because I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t keep up with the other kids. #because the cancer is gone you can’t possibly have any other health issue ever because that’s a direct insult the medical professionals #to insinuate that they couldn’t play god and make me magically so healthy that chemotherapy couldn’t possibly leave behind issues. #no that only happens to adults because children are supposed to be rubber and bounce no matter what #just ugh #fuck the medical system #medical anxiety