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#or ignored because she only misses the treatment she use to get as a child.
vampireknitting · 4 months
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I have to get my wisdom teeth removed here on the 4th and I really wish medical anxiety wasn’t so dismissed or laughed at.
The anxiety has been slowly ramping up since Christmas and now that I have to cut out the only thing that’s managed the fibromyalgia bs. I mean sure it’s just weed. But when my health tanked and I was throwing up half of everything I tried to eat and losing weight like it was nothing. Unfortunately it was the only thing that helped stop the vomiting.
I’ve been put on and taking off several medications over the years for being the unlucky type that doesn’t react well to different meds. All the gut pills they wanted me to take hurt or was you know making me digest my own blood.
The Fibromyalgia began creeping in when I was in high school and the doctors I had told me to eat pills and go away. I had injured my knee and it just didn’t get better. I still have issues with it. Being a childhood cancer survivor means health complaints must be cry’s for attention or drugs.
They asked me to not consume any weed because they don’t know if it’ll hurt me to be put under so they can cut out the heavily impacted teeth. Which fine, I won’t fight because they could label me as some sort of user or drug obsessed or whatever. But the only drug that I know can kill you while being put under is meth.
My sister’s dental surgeon said don’t stop smoking weed because there isn’t anything out that supports either side. Pro weed or anti-weed before surgery. He didn’t want anything to add to the stress of the surgery so he said keep doing what you’re doing.
#disabled homemaker#just some thoughts#too much anxiety#i just wanna cry#how do you stand your ground against people who are so quick to label you as some sort of druggie#they argue with me when I say painkillers make me sick#I’m not asking for special treatment just for straight answers.#it’s made worse when I get eye rolls for saying my health issues started before I started smoking#I’m not asking you fucks to smoke with me I’m asking you why#how do you even begin working with an anxiety type that is triggered by medical professionals? why are drugs the only fucking answer?#I was diagnosed with leukaemia at 4.5 years old. my most important years of development#have been dominated by adults who kinda treated me like a fucking animal who couldn’t understand a lick of English#or ignored because she only misses the treatment she use to get as a child.#because I love being talked over like I don’t fucking exist or I’m just crazy#I just love the sneer I get when they read cancer survivor in my charts and suddenly I’m the paragon of health#even though I’ve been asking for help for most of my life because I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t keep up with the other kids.#because the cancer is gone you can’t possibly have any other health issue ever because that’s a direct insult the medical professionals#to insinuate that they couldn’t play god and make me magically so healthy that chemotherapy couldn’t possibly leave behind issues.#no that only happens to adults because children are supposed to be rubber and bounce no matter what#just ugh#fuck the medical system#medical anxiety
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bohemian-nights · 4 months
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I’m not team black or green, and I’m also only watching this show for nettles - but I have to say that the only racist comments I see are coming from team black. They are so racist it’s insane.
1. They treat the velaryons like Rhaenyra & her (white) son’s cheer squad . They can’t fathom the velaryons being their own people with their own thoughts and opinions.
2. Their treatment of vaemond. They justify his murder for daring to speak up against their fav. They gaslight anyone who supports vaemond’s right to be angry that his house is being stolen by a white kid and claim that Luke “legally” isn’t a bastard and that we are misogynistic.
3. Their treatment of laena - they either claim that she was Rhaenyra’s lesbian (?) lover or that daemon never cared about her - they refuse to acknowledge that daemon was happily in love with her.
4. Their treatment of nettles.
I’m so done. I’ve just had a conversation with one of those insane stans, and they said that I’m “playing the victim” for pointing out their racism. I’m so sick and tired of hearing that I’m “playing the victim” or that I’m being “over dramatic” for wanting actual black representation and calling out performative activism.
Team Green has its moments(I don’t love how some of them treat Nettles), but Team Black is indeed objectively worse.
I have yet to see any other sub-fanbase go on rants about how there are too many Black people on the show so it’s fine to cut the only in-canon Black character(Nettles), that they are glad the n-word died(Laena), claim that a Black woman’s Afro-hair is dirty(the leaked photo on the beach), calling people monkeys(again Laena), comparing characters to animals(Laena and Nettles), the legally biracial fiasco, denying that there is racism in the books and that their fave is one of the perpetrators, saying that Daemon sleeping with Black women is a detrimental character trait…It’s a mess.
Honestly, most of the viscerally racist stuff that has been said had been geared toward Nettles or Laena(Vaemond’s a close third) because they are perceived as a threat.
Which shows you how f*cked up these people are. They are legitimately willing to resort to racism to attack fictional characters over a fictional ship.
And the kicker is, they don’t see anything wrong with their behavior because: I’m not racist. I have no problem with good Black people(aka the ones who kiss up to my fave), ignore me saying how a white woman (who I hate cause she's a Green 🥦, but she's still white) with less plot development is somehow more relevant than the girl who shows that you are more than the blood in your veins. That's not relevant. You wouldn't like her if she wasn't Black!
Let's not get into the fact that they only like Baela, Rhaena, Corlys, and Alyn because they haven't/don't do anything. The moment we see them have a personality and it’s not solely about worshipping Missy Anne they'll turn on them.
If the show ends Rhaena’s arc marrying a Hightower they'll call her a whore and a traitor. If Baela calls out Missy Anne for not being motherly towards her and her sister they'll call her ungrateful. When Corlys puts his blood first he’ll be treated just like Ser Vaemond. Alyn will be hated not for saving the psychotic white woman(who arrested his father and tried to arrest his brother) in her hour of need.
If what they said about Rhaena taking Nettles’ place actually happened, do you know how upset they'd actually be with Daemon even putting his actual child first before Miss Maegor? She'd become enemy #1. He is not allowed to love anyone more than her.
They also love to defend their deplorable behavior by saying the characters they are attacking are fictional so it doesn’t matter.
B*tch it’s no longer just fictional when you call someone(even if it’s a fictional character) the n-word.
When you are actively trying to take away what little representation we do have and hurling slurs and stereotypes used against Black people in real life for centuries to attack characters you don’t like, you’ve gone past fiction and gone straight into a Klan rally.
There is loads of evidence of their demented behavior. Anyone with a working brain knows they aren’t right in the head and what they are saying is wrong.
Hell, they themselves know what they are saying is f*cked up, which is why they try to gaslight you into believing they are the innocent victims and you've just lost your mind. When that doesn't work and you provide them with the receipts for their bullcrap it’s crickets cause they’ve gone crying in the corner 🦗
They keep crying and bemoaning about Miss Maegor being called a whore. That isn't exactly nice, but you can't flip things around and make yourself look like the injured party when you are a f*cking racist.
For Christ's sake, these people are just all-around hypocrites. Some of them have called Nettles a whore(the worst is yet to come with her) yet they spaz out when you say Miss Maegor and start yelling about misogyny.
They are the same ones who mocked Laena dying(and her son) yet they cry when you call a dragon baby a lizard.
You can't claim that it's all fiction and then start crying when your fave who is also fictional is “attacked.”
There is a good reason she's being “attacked” considering she's an awful character with next to zero redeeming qualities(which is probably why she's attracted the worst fanbase).
You can't claim misogyny and perpetrate it yourself. You can't claim to not be a racist and then overtalk Black women when they call you out on your behavior and then call them crazy for defending themselves. You can't force Black women to overlook your faves racism for the sisterhood and then spit in our faces when we don't. That's not how this works.
I could go on, but I'm going to stop here cause it's pointless. You just have to laugh and bow out cause talking to them is like talking to a brick wall.
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absurdthirst · 1 year
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Driven By Power {Mando x F!Reader}
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 6.9k
Warnings: Haunted!Din, removing helmet, fingering, breast play, mentions of oral, NON-CON, DUB-CON, alcohol consumption, tipsy reader, deceit, manipulation, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, rough sex, pregnancy, angst, kidnapping, imprisonment
Comments: After learning that the Mandalorians that remain won't follow Din unless he can prove that he has the best of their people's interest at heart, he is persuaded by the voices in his head to do the unthinkable. Trick you into marriage and carrying his child.
🚨🚨 DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT - This story contains elements of manipulation/lies and forced pregnancy/kidnapping. If these things upset you, do not engage🚨🚨
Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers
**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.
|| MasterList || The Mandalorian MasterList ||
GIF Credit: @pedropcl
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Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.
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Din stares at Bo Katan as she tells him that in order to get the rest of the Mandalorians to follow him, he will need a riduur and children. It’s shocking but he isn’t surprised. Mandalorians are followers and to be a leader, he has to be an example. He knows that family is deep rooted in his culture and he needs to show that he can lead Mandalore into the future. “They will not follow you, even with the saber.” He doesn’t want to be a leader but what choice does he have? He cannot die and allow another to have the saber. With a sigh, he exits the castle and finds you waiting for him with Grogu.
“How did it go?” You ask, curious and so damn beautiful. Din hates how gorgeous you are and so out of his reach despite sitting behind him in the star fighter.
Din doesn’t answer right away, something that drives you crazy and you huff, turning towards the kid and rolling your eyes and making a face so he coos happily. “At least we got to make a pit stop.” You grumble. “My ass is going numb and I miss the vac tube in the Razor Crest.” There hadn’t been a lot of privacy in the ship but it was better than the no privacy or space in the starfighter. “Where to now?” You ask, watching as he checks the panels on the ship.
Din doesn’t answer again and you huff, crossing your arms. You’re used to him giving you the silent treatment but even this is too much. He lifts up from the landing pad, punching in a destination, and the ship whirls as it ascends into the atmosphere before launching into space. “Guess it’s a surprise, huh kid?” You look at Grogu who coos in response and you lean back, accepting that you’ll find out when you get there. 
Din’s mind is whirling, torn with what he has to do and what is right. There’s been a voice inside of his head lately, since he won the saber, that urges him to give in to what he wants, regardless of what is right. He tries to ignore it but right now, the voice is making a good case for why he should do what he’s considering. “It’s for the benefit of every Mandalorian in the galaxy.” it says and how can he argue with that?
“Naboo.” Mando answers you after he has set the ship’s coordinates and you gasp. Naboo. A planet that he might have to be on for a few days. One that you could rent a room and sleep in a real bed. “Did Bo tell you about a sect on Naboo?” You ask curiously, wanting to meet more of Din’s people. You always think of him as Din since learning his name but call him Mando out loud. Not understanding the rules of Mandalorians, although you find yourself drawn to him. He’s silent, not exactly forthcoming with information about his religion but you figure that’s because you aren’t Mandalorian. When you are asleep sometimes, you hear him talk to Grogu, explaining things about the ship, or his religion and it makes you think of what this man would be like as a father of children. Surprisingly patient, it’s been the fantasy of a few self pleasuring sessions in the showers at rest stops along the galaxy when he wants to clean up.
“No.” Mando replies curtly, “we will need somewhere to stop. Rest for a few days. We need to find a safe space before we continue our journey.” He answers and leans back in his seat, looking down to see Grogu climbing into his lap. “Get some sleep, we will be a while.” Din orders, closing his eyes behind his helmet to silence the constant noise in his head from the voice telling him to do what he needs to do.
Naboo is gorgeous and you look through the tiny port excitedly as the fighter breaks atmo. Resting for a few days - that sounds like a vacation. Not that you’ve ever known Din to stop and take one, but you are eager to see what he views as rest. “Ohhh it’s so beautiful.” You gasp, seeing the stunning waterfalls and lush greenery that makes up the majority of the planet. “This is heaven. Are we staying in a remote spot or in the spaceport?” You ask.
“Spaceport. Figured it would be nice to be able to have a day or two in a proper bed and a ‘fresher.” He says as he navigates to the space port and comms in for a parking spot. They guide him in and he lowers the ship to the port. “Come on kid, let’s get something to eat.” He says, knowing Grogu must be hungry, he always is.
No camping. A real bed. You scramble out of the back of the fighter and hurry to keep up with him and the child. “Maker, the things I would do to sleep in a bed.” You groan happily. “I’m going to spend at least an hour in the ‘fresher.” You have to guess that he wants some time out of his armor. “I might not get dressed again.” You giggle at the thought of not wearing shoes for the next few days.
Din’s cock twitches at the thought and he grunts, opening the hatch before he gets out of the fighter. He carries Grogu and pays for the parking to the attendant. “Come on, mesh’la. Let’s go.” He orders and you follow him into the spaceport and through to the accommodations.
You follow behind him, aware of the awe and eyes following Din. You noticed it, even if he did not. The wary looks or curiosity as people turn their heads to follow the confident gait of the gleaming Mandalorian as he walks through the port. The building he stops at looks luxurious and you bite your lip as he steps through the doors to walk up to the desk where a purple Twi’lek is working.
“Hello, how can I help you?” She asks and Din hands Grogu over to you so he can pull out his pouch of credits. 
“I’d like two rooms. Connecting rooms.” He says and she nods, eyeing the imposing Mandalorian. She tells him the cost and he hands over the money, taking the key cards. “Come on kid, I’m sure you’re tired.” He takes Grogu again and guides you down the hallways to the rooms he had booked. His heart pounds in his chest with anticipation but he’s ready to do what he needs to do.
“Oh Maker.” You moan softly. “I cannot wait to lay down in a bed.” You huff, “I think I’ll order food and eat it in bed.” You smile dreamily at the idea of just lounging and not being cramped in that little jump seat. It had been made for a droid, not a human. “Are you going to remove your armor for a while, Mando?”
He nods, “yes mesh’la. I- I need to relax.” He admits and opens the door for you, walking in to open the connecting door. Grogu is set down and he coos, immediately trying to find something to get into. “Mesh’la, do you want to use the fresher first?”
“I’m going to take my time,” you caution but Din just tilts his head like that doesn’t matter. “Okay, I’ll go first. You can eat and get the kid down so you can have some helmetless time.” You always wondered what he looks like. “Will you order me some food too?”
Din nods, "of course, cyar'ika." He reaches for the datapad to order food for all of you, knowing he will need to eat in private before he showers and he watches you walk off to the 'fresher. He sighs softly and Grogu coos, reaching for the silver ball Din keeps on him to occupy the kid. "I know. Food is coming." He promises, handing him the ball.’
In the ‘fresher, you groan at the luxury. Real water, not a sonic shower. “I’m going to take a bath!” You call out, stripping out of your clothes. “Order me some spotchka too!”
Din bites his lip, that dark voice in his head telling him that this is his chance. He calls back that he's ordered the spotchka and he waits for you to come out of the 'fresher. When the food arrives, you're still in there and he feeds Grogu, the little guy soon falling asleep so Din carries him into the room next door and shuts the door, ensuring that the kid doesn't hear what is going to happen next. "Food is here." Din calls out, stripped down to his flight suit.
When you finally emerge, your skin is steaming and pruny from how long you soaked. Wrapped in a towel, your clothes are in the small washer and you know that Din wants to clean up. “Thank you.” You smile at home gratefully and motion towards the ‘fresher. “Hot water is unlimited.”
His eyes trail over the drops of water still clinging to your skin and he swallows harshly. “That’s good. Mesh’la. I- I need you to repeat what I say. I can’t tell you why just yet but I need you to trust me, do you trust me?” He asks and you nod, “of course.” 
He reaches for your hands, gloves caressing your damp skin and he inhales deeply. "Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde" He says and you repeat each word after he says it, unknowingly marrying the Mandalorian in front of you. 
“Good girl.” He murmurs, rubbing your hand with his thumb and he lets go. “I’m going to clean up. Your food is getting cold, you should eat and drink.” He gestures to the spotchka, his stomach twisting with guilt but the voice reminds him that this is necessary. He steps into the fresher, stripping down and removing his helmet. He wants to be clean for you so he takes his time shaving, washing himself off and soon he has just a towel wrapped around his waist as he takes a deep breath and steps back into the room.
While Din had been in the ‘fresher, you had eaten, enjoying the food that wasn’t rations packs and drank most of your spotchka. Pleasantly tipsy as you wonder what language Din had you repeat. Was it Mando’a? Was he trying to impart some wisdom or perhaps make you a part of his clan? The idea makes you giggle and you open your mouth to ask him about it when the door opens. Squealing when you see brown hair, you slap your hand over your eyes. “Your helmet! I didn’t see your face! I swear!” You know Din had removed his helmet to save Grogu but you don’t know why he’s taken it off again when he’s trying to redeem himself.
He sighs, knowing you won’t understand until he tells you everything later, but he walks over to you, taking your hands in his to lower them from your face. “It’s okay, riduur. You can see my face. It’s allowed.” He promises, squeezing your hands to assure you that you can open your eyes.
“It’s allowed?” You peek one eye open and peer up at him cautiously, as if you are afraid you might get scolded. Then opening the other in surprise because Din Djarin is fucking attractive. Your mouth drops open and you huff. “That’s fucking unfair. You’re even hotter without the helmet.” You have no filter when you’ve been drinking, one reason why you haven’t drank about the mandalorian before. “Wait-“ your eyes widen. “Am I mandalorian now? Is that why it’s okay to see your face? Is that what those words meant?”
“Something like that.” Din chuckles and caresses your cheek, inhaling sharply at the feel of your skin under his bare hand. “Mesh’la. It means…it means beautiful in Mando’a. I think you’re beautiful.” He murmurs, brown eyes meeting yours when they widen in surprise.
“You do?” You blink owlishly at him and then repeat it back to him. “Mesh-la.” You hum and grin. “Mesh’la. You are very mesh’la too.” You promise him.
Din smiles, blushing softly at the compliment since you’re the first person he’s willing revealed his face to other than Grogu. “I- I want you. I want to touch you.” He says and slides his hand down to caress your neck.
“You mean……” you bite your lip. “Sex?” You have dreamed about Din, imagining his voice and his hands. You can’t even imagine how he would actually fuck, but your eyes slide down his torso and you honestly think you start drooling. “Yes! Fuck yes, but- I’m not - I don’t have an implant.”
“It’s okay.” He promises and bites his lip, staring at you for a moment to take in the way you are appraising him like he’s a five course meal. “I - I have an implant.” The voice in his head urges him to move forward and he licks his lips, “can I kiss you?” He asks, preparing for his first kiss.
Maker, this is really happening. You bobble your head up and down, giggling slightly when you feel dizzy. “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have drank so much.” You pout, “but yes, I want you to kiss me mesh’la. I’ve imagined you touching me so many times when I’ve been in the ‘fresher touching myself.”
He wants to stop but the voice in his head urges him on, telling him it’s what he has to do. Din likes that you’ve thought of him. He likes that you want him. He leans in to kiss you, awkwardly knocking his nose against yours. He sighs and shifts to press his lips to yours, heart pounding in his chest as he cups your cheeks and shifts closer, his cock twitching under the towel at the intimacy he’s denied himself for so many years.
He’s a bad kisser. It makes you giggle again and you reach up, hesitating for a second before you touch his face. Only to pull back when he groans. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have touched you, should I? I don’t know the rules.” You fret, not wanting to misstep.
Din grabs your hand and brings it back to his face. “You can touch me, riduur.” He promises and presses his lips back to yours, reaching for you to drag you out of the chair so he can press his body against yours. “Tell me what you want.” He orders, kissing along your jaw and he can’t seem to get enough of you. That voice in his head is cheering in victory and he feels almost high, high off of touch and intimacy. What he’s been lacking for so many years.
“I want-“ you pant at the feeling of his lips on you and it makes your head swim. “I want you to do whatever you want to me.” You know that this is something that Din has never done before. Not fucking, you know he has needs, he’s gone to a brothel before. The intimacy though, that is new to him. You want him to do everything he’s ever imagined to you,
Din pulls back to look at you, his riduur, and he swallows harshly at the way you so willingly give yourself to him. It’s intoxicating. He doesn’t say a word but he reaches out to grip the hem of your shirt, slowly pulling it over your head and he’s relieved to find you without a breast band. “Fuck.” He murmurs, eyes fixed on your tits, and he reaches out to cup them, loving the feel in his hands under he’s surging forward to wrap his lips around your nipple like he’s seen in porn holovids.
You gasp, never taking Din for a breast man, closing your eyes and moaning as he sucks on your nipple. “For- for always having your mouth covered, it’s pretty fucking good.” You praise, reaching out and sinking your fingers into his hair without second guessing yourself. “Mand- can- can I call you Din?” You ask shyly, wondering if he would prefer being called by Mando. Maybe he has a power kink.
He pulls back to lick your skin, loving the taste of the standard issue body wash combined with what’s purely you. “You can call me Din.” He assures you, his hands caressing your back and he switches over to your other breast. “Fuck, mesh’la.” His hand slips down to work on your pants, wanting you bare before him.
“Din.” You whimper, reaching out with your other hand and stroking his back. Wondering how it feels for him. You’ve never seen him without even a single globe and now every inch of skin is bare, beyond what is behind his towel. “Oh fuck, I get to see mandalorian cock.”
Din chuckles against your flesh, pushing your pants down and he shoves your panties down too, pulling back so he can see your naked body when you kick them aside. “Maker…you’re gorgeous, riduur.” He groans and reaches for the towel around his waist, knowing it’s about to fall anyway with how hard he is getting just looking at you.
“Maker.” Your eyes widen and you understand now why his flight suit is just black and slightly baggy. He had to hide the monster he keeps in his pants. “Fuck, Din. You’re going to be in my throat.” Your hands have a mind of their own, reaching out and starting to touch him, pressing softly against scars and ridges of muscle. He’s not completely ripped like you had expected but why would he be when he’s covered head to toe? He’s strong though, you know that metal on his body everyday has made him incredibly strong.
Din shudders at the way you caress his skin, his hands finding your waist to pull you against him. “I need you.” He murmurs, the voice in his head growing stronger, and he slides his hands down to squeeze your ass. “Mesh’la.” He murmurs, kissing along your neck, sucking on the skin below your ear.
“There is a bed right here.” You feel dizzy from his attention now; wanting more. Din starts to guide you towards the bed and you whimper when you feel his teeth scrape along your pulse. “I hope you fuck me hard.”
He chuckles against your skin, “if that is what you wish, riduur.” Your knees hit the bed and he pushes you down, straddling you as he follows you down to the mattress. “I’ll fuck you however you want.” He promises and slides his hand along your thigh, his knee pushing them apart so he can slide his fingers through your folds.
“Fuck!” You moan, rocking your hips up to meet his hand. “I want you to fuck me how you want. Just I want you to want it rough.” You chuckle, grinning up at him. “You- it’s so strange, seeing you without your helmet. Your voice is so clear.”
Din snorts, “I can’t hide my expressions. Beskar has done it for me.” He confesses, rubbing your clit, and he loves feeling your hot flesh directly against his skin. You’re already so wet and he groans when your hand finds his hard cock. “Cyar'ika.” He warns with a low groan, his cock twitching in your hand and he knows you will struggle to take his length so he pushes two thick digits inside of your pussy, his thumb pressed against your clit.
“Oh fuck.” Your mouth drops open and you let out a low moan as his fingers fill you up. Closing your eyes for a moment before you have to see him, want to see him. Watching his eyes darken as he stares at where his fingers are buried in your cunt. Your hand squeezes his cock and you pull it away to spit in your palm and wrap your fingers around him again to jerk him while he fingers you.
“Dank Ferik.” Din curses, groaning when you squeeze his cock and start to pump it in your soft hand. He curls his fingers inside of you, making you cry out, and he leans down to take your nipple into his mouth, knowing that this is his new fixation.
Part of you wonders if this is because of what Din and Bo Katan talked about. If so, you need to know what that woman said because this is everything you never knew you wanted. “Oh maker, you like being able to use your mouth, don’t you?” You gasp out. “Fuck, if we do this again, you can- oh fuck, you can use it other places too.”
Din groans, releasing your nipple with a pop. “Fuck yes. I want to taste you.” He murmurs, wanting you to cum on his fingers right now. He will taste you later, after he’s cum inside of you. “Later. I promise.” He sighs and switches to your other breast, taking your nipple in his mouth to suck and bite down on.
The idea that this might be more than once and his teeth applying the most exquisite pressure against your nipple is too much. Crying out, your walls clamp down around his fingers and you pour an embarrassing amount of cum over his digits. It’s been so long since someone else has touched you and the fact that it’s Mando adds to the pleasure
“Maker.” He groans when you soak his fingers and he works you through it, the wet noise is music to his ears as he tries to work you open for his cock. When you whine, he withdraws his fingers and wraps them around his length, “I need you, riduur.” He murmurs, shifting to kneel between your thighs, working his cock while his eyes devour your heaving chest.
Nodding, you look up at him, wanting to ask what ‘riduur’ means, but you don’t want him to take another moment before he’s inside you. “Please, Din.” You beg quietly, stroking his arm and rubbing your thumb over a scar on his forearm.
He nods, shifting closer so he can rub the head of his cock against your clit, and he groans at how wet you are. He meets your eyes as he pushes inside of you, shifting onto his elbows as he pushes deeper until he’s pushing against your cervix. “You okay?” He asks, wanting to make sure you’re comfortable.
You can’t make a sound except for the groan as all the air is forced from your body and ever cell lights up in pleasure. Your blunt nails dig into his skin and you swear that you’re going to pass out before you can finally suck air into your lungs with a gasp that sounds as if you are drowning. “F-fuck!” You squeal when you can finally vocalize how you are feeling. “Oh fuck, shit-“ you pant. “You’re so- so fucking big.”
He can’t deny that he’s proud about how much you like his cock. That he’s stretching you out. “Mesh’la. Fuck. You - you’re so - it’s so good.” He chokes, feeling your bare cunt grip him and you’re so wet. He is clenching his jaw to control himself. It’s been a long time since he was in a pussy this good and to have you beneath him, his skin against yours, it’s almost too much.
He stays still until you start to squirm, needing him to move. “Please.” You beg, eager to see what he can do when he moves that big cock inside you. “Fuck me, oh fuck me so hard I see stars.” The baby is in the other room and it’s been so long since you’ve been fucked properly.
Din growls in response to your plea and he nods, taking a moment before he decides to fuck you hard. He pulls out until only the tip remains before he thrusts deep inside of you, piercing deep inside of you with no mercy, he starts to fuck you with earnest.
All you can do is scream. Pain and pleasure melding together in perfect unity to have your entire body bow up. Taking every powerful swing of his hips with a piercing ache that brings tears to your eyes and makes you dig your nails into his flesh. Not caring how much you are going to ache in the morning, you want more.
He hisses at the way your nails dig into his arms and he grabs your thighs, pushing them back towards your stomach so he can sink deeper inside of you. “Fuck mesh’la. You’re - you - fuck. So good.” He pants, that dark voice in his head roaring with victory and egging him on.
“Yes, yes, fuck Mando.” Your eyes roll back in your head and you’re breathless. Panting and moaning every time he hits deep. “Please, please baby, I’m so close.” You reach up and caress his face, loving his wrecked expression.
He groans, feeling you get slicker, tighter, and he pushes deep inside of you, lowering his hips so his pelvis grinds against your clit. “Cum for me, mesh’la. Cum for me.” He commands, kissing along your jaw until his lips press against yours.
It’s like he flips a switch for you. Brilliant lights burst behind your eyes as the coarse hair above his cock grinds into your clit and rubs you just right, making you cry out again. “Din, Din, Din!” You scream his name when he pushes deep again and tension in your belly snaps, making you shake underneath him,
He growls in delight when you cum, clamping down on his cock, and you soak him with your juices. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuckkkk.” He growls, the voice in his head urging him to do what he has to do. Making him groan as he buries his cock deep and starts to cum with a moan of your name, his cock twitching as he pulses inside of you.
You whine at the sensation of his warm seed filling you. Thankful that he has an implant. Your own had malfunctioned awhile back and you had it removed by a med droid on Navarro but lacked a replacement, so you had just done without. It wasn’t like you were having a lot of sex. No sex before tonight. “Oh maker, you cum a lot.” You moan, feeling it start to push out of you even as he’s still pumping it into your cunt.
Hearing you say that combined with him filling you up has him burying his face in your neck, breathing you in and the voice in his head cheers with victory. Pleased at his actions. “Mesh’la.” He murmurs, slowing his pace until he stills inside of you, cum pushed deep and he rolls over so you are on his chest.
“Wow.” You giggle, still cock drunk as you sprawl out on top of him. “That was…amazing.” You can’t help but lean in and kiss his neck. His cock is softening but hasn’t fallen out of you yet and you’re content to layer in his arms. “What now? Do I have to wear a helmet? Is that how this works?”
Din chuckles, “no. No helmet. Nothing changes. Just that you can see me without my helmet, without my armor.” He doesn’t tell you why, the voice telling him to not say anything just yet and while the guilt gnaws at him, he can’t lose you. The voice has done him well so far. He has to continue listening to it. 
**** 
“Fuck. Oh fuck!” You cry when Din pushes into you from behind, the new angle makes him feel impossibly bigger. He can’t stop fucking you. He’s lost track of how many times he’s cum inside of you over the past few days when the kid is asleep.
“More Din.” You beg, leaning down and pressing your cheek against the mussed sheets. You are exhausted but craving more from him, aware that once you leave these rooms that he won’t touch you like this for some time. Unsure why he is so amorous, but you aren’t questioning it. “Maker riduur,” Din told you that ‘riduur’ is something like ‘lover’ in Mando’a so you have taken to calling him that as well. He really gets off on it, going harder when you call him that. “Fill me up, please.”
He groans when you beg him to fill you up, that voice once again roaring with victory and he hisses when you clamp down on him, squeezing him like a vice. “Cum first.” He orders, sliding his hand down to wrap it around your neck, dragging you back against his chest so he can find your clit with his other hand. “Cum for me.” He demands, groaning when you whine his name.
You have lost count of how many orgasms you’ve had over the past few days. Too many. All of them leave you stumbling around like a newborn foal and he’s proving just how good he is with his hands as he works your clit. “Din!” Your hoarse cry fills the room again as you come apart on his cock.
He groans, pushing you towards your climax and he’s desperate to see you cum again. He hisses when you clamp down on his cock and he thrusts up into you, gripping your hip once you’ve whined that you are overstimulated and he grunts as he buries his cock deep and spills his seed to paint your walls for the umpteenth time.
Closing your eyes, you hum softly, panting as he presses himself against your back. Since the first night, he’s shared more of himself, grown comfortable around you, even eating with you between rounds. Maybe it’s just because he needs to keep his strength up, but it makes you feel good. It’s inevitable, falling in love with him. You know it. Now, you turn your head and kiss his lips. “Now I want to sleep for the rest of the night.” You tease, reminding him how he’s not exactly rested during this stay.
Din sighs, shifting to lay down, staying inside of your body. He groans and kisses along your neck, enjoying staying inside of you. He murmurs your name, curling around you. “Sleep, mesh’la. Tomorrow we leave.” He reminds you softly, knowing the kid will be waking up soon.
“Hmmm, ‘night.” You murmur sleepily, worn out by Din’s constant need for you. For a man who oftentimes seemed to only care about his quests, he is surprisingly indulgent with you. Quickly you fall asleep, knowing that you will need it.
After leaving Naboo the next day, Din continues his quest to Mandalore, deciding to stop off on Tatooine to see Peli after you’ve been to a few planets to seek more Mandalorians. With no Mandos in sight, Din decides to visit Peli and see what Tatooine has to offer for his ship. That’s when you get nauseous. Immediately seeking the ‘fresher when he lands in the port at Peli’s place and Din smirks under his helmet, knowing exactly why you haven’t been able to stand smelling the kid’s snacks. “Maker Mando! What have you been feeding that girl?” Peli asks him, picking up Grogu.
Din tilts his head causally. “Bantha jerky.” He jokes, knowing that you hate the meat and you groan and clutch your stomach. The mere thought of it makes you almost sick and you hate the queasiness over something so mundane. “Maybe I’m getting sick.” You think. “I need to see a med droid. I can get another implant placed too.”
Din swallows harshly under his helmet and he nods, “perhaps that’s best. I’ll get the kid sorted and then we can go find the med center.” Peli finds Grogu some food and you gag, moving away from it, and Din gets the kid into bed to take a nap. “Come on, riduur. Let’s go find the med droid.” He wants it confirmed, what he suspects is going on.
You go along with him, happy that while he’s not as physical with you since leaving the planet you had vacationed on two months ago, he still calls you riduur. He also presses a little closer while you are in villages or cities on the planets you visit, seemingly a shadow. 
When you arrive in the med center, all eyes are on the Mandalorian and he wants to take your hand in his gloved one but he can’t show connections. That creates a visual weakness to anyone who would dare attack him. When you’re in the private room, the med droid comes in and scans you. “It’s probably a bug.” You sigh, watching the droid work and Din sits there in silence, not wanting to say a word.
It doesn’t take long for the scan to finish and the droid's lights flash along with a few beeps. “Diagnosis - pregnancy.” The robotic voice proclaims, making your heart drop and your eyes widen dramatically. “The fetus is eight weeks developed - prenatal vitamins will be dispensed. The recommendation is for rest and water. The nurse droid will be in shortly.” The droid spins around on its wheels and leaves you reeling from the news. 
“I- oh maker.” You breath out, unable to look at Mando for fear of bursting into tears. “I- I didn’t- your implant - it must have - dank ferik. I- I’m so sorry, Mando.” You exclaim shakily. “I- I’ll have the nurse droid- we don’t have to- I can just-” You know he doesn’t want a child and how would you fit another in the damn starfighter? It’s cramped enough as it is, you can’t sit in that mech droid seat with a rapidly swelling stomach. 
Din is glad he’s wearing his helmet so you can’t see the victorious grin on his face. “Mesh’la. I have to tell you something.” He reaches for your hands, bring your gaze to his, your eyes watery with unshed tears. “Those words you spoke…before we - it wasn’t - it was Mandalorian marriage vows. Riduur means spouse or partner. We are married.” He reveals, glad you can’t see his face. He does feel guilty but he’s done what he needs to do.
Blinking in shock, you shake your head, sure that you had misheard him. “W-what?” You are horrified, in disbelief. “No- you’re joking and it’s not funny.” You hiss, pulling your hand out from his. “Don’t lie to me to try to distract me. This is- oh Maker, what am I going to do? I have to- I have to terminate it. You don’t need another kid.”
Din shakes his head, squeezing your hands a little tighter when he retakes them in his, the voice in his head growing angry. “You cannot terminate it. I won’t allow it. I- l lied to you.” He admits, knowing you might hate him after this. “I don’t have an implant. I wanted to get you pregnant, mesh’la. As the leader, I must set an example to my people, to unite them. I must have a riduur and younglings. I wanted you to be the woman who provided those things to me.”
“I-” You try to pull your hands free again, but he won’t let you, holding on while you struggle against him. “You- you lied? You asshole!” You shout, tears starting to fall as you realize he’s not lying. He married you without you knowing and impregnated you. Mando doesn’t joke about things like this and there is a slightly proud edge to his voice. “How could you do this? Why- why me? Did you- oh fuck-” Your stomach rolls and you immediately start to throw up, jumping back so you can bend down between you.
“I did what I had to do for my people. As their leader, it’s my duty. You will not terminate the child. We will continue to be married. You shall be by my side as I take my rightful place on the throne. We leave for Mandalore today.” His tone is final, leaving no room for argument.
Your retching has barely stopped when he gives you his edict and you don’t know what is worse, the fact that he lied to you or the fact that you are realizing that he must have just touched you for this quest of his. He didn’t care for you at all. He doesn’t resist when you pull your hands away this time and wipe your mouth. “Fuck you.” You hiss. “I’m not going anywhere with you, Mando.” 
Din shakes his head, “I’m sorry, mesh’la. You don’t have a choice. By Mandalorian law, you’re bound to me. I am responsible for you and our child. You will be leaving with me.” He dictates, “you will be by my side.”
“Don’t ‘mesh’la’ me.” You snort. “You know you tricked me. I didn’t know I was marrying you. No one would call that valid.” You know that if he wants you to leave with him, no one would stop him from taking you. He’s a Mandalorian. “This isn’t right. You- you can’t do this to me.” Your tears start again. “I- I don’t want to have your baby. Not like- you tricked me. You told me you had an implant.” 
“Does it matter now? You’re pregnant. With my child. You cannot leave me. You will have the child. We will remain together. I- I’m sorry about how I had to do this but it was required. Bo Katan told me that I’d need to lead by example and I- mesh’la. Please, I’m sorry.” He murmurs, knowing that getting forceful won’t get him what he wants.
“Don’t touch me.” You jerk away when he reaches for you. “Never touch me again.” You sniffle and the nurse droid comes back into the room. Mando reaches for his gun, obviously ready to shoot the droid if you mentioned wanting to terminate the pregnancy. Reality setting in as the droid hands you a bottle of pills and a chip for your data pad to read about what to expect. You can’t do anything but cry as you are left alone with Mando once more, your hand sliding down to your stomach and the life he has planted there. 
Din watches you, seeing how distraught you are at the news that he tricked you but he can't bring himself to feel bad. He had to do this, the voice in the back of his head telling him he was right. "Riduur, we must go. We need to continue our journey to Mandalore before you can no longer travel."
“I am not your ‘riduur’.” You hiss, angry that he had told you it meant lover and you feel sick when you think of every time you had called him that while he was inside you, begging him to fill you up. You had played into his plans perfectly and you feel so dumb. You clutch the bottle and shake your head. “I am not going with you. I want nothing to do with you, or Mandalore, or Mandalorians.”
Din sighs, reaching for his cuff to grab something he rarely has to use. “I’m sorry, riduur. This is for your own good.” He says and grabs the vial, breaking it and shoving it under your nose. He knows it’s safe but he desperately needs you to stay with him. When your eyes roll into the back of your head, he catches you and carries you to his ship, securing you before he grabs Grogu and makes his way to Mandalore.
****
Groaning, your eyes slowly open, your head pounding and for a moment, you don’t remember what’s going on. Blinking as your vision starts to clear and you see that you’re in some kind of ruin. “Wha-“ Even with the pounding in your head, you jerk upright remembering the med clinic. Din - marrying you - impregnating you without your agreement. “Din!” You scream before you spot him standing against a crumbling wall.
He pushes off of the wall, "riduur. You're awake." He has kept you drugged during the entire journey, rushing to get to Mandalore before you would wake up. The voice in his mind telling him this is the best place for you. "You will remain here until you have our child."
“What- no!” You shake your head, wincing in pain and you feel the weight of something around your wrist while you lift your hand. “You-“ the weight is a manacle, chained to the wall of the room you are in. “You- you’re going to chain me up?” You screech, immediately starting to tug on the chain. “Din, no, no, you can’t do this! Why? Why are you doing this?” You demand, starting to sob again.
“I’m sorry, cyar’ika. I have to.” He can’t explain it, it just feels right. “I’ll bring you some food in a bit. Stay here, relax.” He says like you have any choice but to remain in that spot. He doesn’t allow you to argue as he turns on his heel to the door, opening it with a creak. “I’ll be back.” He promises, knowing that this is what has to be done to save Mandalore. 
“Din! No! Come back! Please! Please!” You scream, sobs escaping you as you sink back to the cold floor after the door closes. Din takes the dark saber off of his belt, feeling its power, and the voice in his head tells him he’s doing the right thing. This is to save Mandalorians everywhere…no matter the cost.
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Text
Talia Al Ghul
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Submission reason:
she was like a very fun and interesting complex character, but then 9/11 happened and she's middle eastern so they were like got to make her just plain ol' evil so they made her a bit of a rapist, amongst other things
This one writer, Grant Morrison, took her existing character and massacred it through a racist and sexist retcon. Morrison made her a rapist, removed a lot of her depth (haven’t read this specific run because of how badly it treated Talia, there’s better things out there so forgive a lack of details), and just made her character worse. Plus, the run had continued effects which made her continue in the worse state.
After Grant Morrison's run, she was turned into the person to SA Batman, every fucking adaptation and official material insists on having her conceive Damian without Bruce's consent. Not only that, they like to depict her as a shitty mom. They also had her sleep with Jason, you know, the teenage adopted son of her beloved, who she helped heal after he crawled out of his grave.
Racist writing and misogyny. General Grant Morrison writing
Everything about her was completey changed because racist wrier couldn't bother to check what exactly happened in older comics they decided to reference
Grant Morrison took a noncanonical story in which she and Batman were in a committed relationship and totally consensually got pregnant and adapted that into main continuity by having Talia drug Bruce and rape him. For no reason other than Brown Woman Bad.
she's literally made into racist caricature, also she used to be a fashion queen and now she only wears either some black catsuit or same green top and skirt most of the time
Talia is the mother of Damian Wayne. Originally, she and Bruce had him consensually. Her morals were grayer than Bruce's, but she was a good person. They changed it so that Talia r*ped Bruce to have Damian. Nowadays, she's a horrible person! She user to be torn between Bruce and her legacy as an Al Ghul, but look at how she is now! Eugh!
While the treatment of Talia's character has never been perfect and was always marred with racism, she was a complex and nuanced morally grey character who functioned as one of Batman's main love interests for decades. Then a writer named Grant Morrison (they/them) used her as a mom for his new character, Damian Wayne (who later became the fifth Robin), without bothering to read up on her, resulting in her turning into complete racial stereotype of a heinous child abuser and heartless, coldblooded assassin who had to drug Batman to have sex with him (ie she's a rapist too now). This massacre happened in 2006 and this has since become her default characterization. Increasingly, there have been attempts made to lessen the severity of it, but since this massacre is intrinsic to Damian's character, it's extremely unlikely she'll ever recover from it.
Propaganda:
Also before Grant Morrison ever even got their hands on her she also was repeatedly killed and resurrected in rapid successikn in an explicit effort to break her mind and brainwash her into being evil, which succeeded. This had no real lasting impact but I definitely think it adds to the character massacre complete picture.
TALIA IS AMAZING AND SHE SO INTERESTING AND FUN IN STUFF THAT HASN’T BEEN RUINED BY THE MASSACRE. SORRY FOR YELLING I JUST LOVE HER AND REALLY NEED TO GO READ MORE STUFF WITH HER IN IT.
Like many Talia stans I prefer for her to be depicted as a mom figure for Jason, it's fair for us to ignore canonical shipping from the company that allows BrucexBabs and who deaged Vicki Vale (the reporter they had Bruce and Dick competing to date) so they could ship her with Tim Drake
I'm an aroace but miss al Ghul can always get it
She's cooler than you
she's really cool <3
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burned-lariat · 3 months
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I'm putting myself in dan/chris's shoes for a minute regarding the esme propping line they had Laura say today:
Esme is a psycho and Spencer knew she had her memories back.
He gave away her baby/Ace in the hole to getting special treatment from Laura/Kevin/Alexis/etc because he knew with her memories back she would be a danger.
Esme was PISSED that her meal ticket (child) was taken.
In dan/chris's minds, esme went after sprina as revenge on her baby/ace in the hole missing.
Thus, why they had Laura say if only Spencer/nik didn't take her baby, she wouldn't have attacked Spencer.
however, what dan/chris never understood is that we, the audience, are not dumb. we know esme went after sprina because she's a psycho, jealous bitch.
a stupid line for Laura. but its over. esme is gone. Laura will return to us. hopefully Lulu/lucky will come back to ground her and give us the Laura collins we know and love back.
I really hope Patrick (and Korte 🥴) understand that we are not idiots!!!!! please write for an intelligent audience.
You nailed their line of logic perfectly, and they thought it was the logical and correct progression, and while it is in part, as you note, they ignored how they wrote Esme as inherently jealous and outright psychotic.
Here's hoping the new "regime" has some brain cells!
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majorbaby · 1 year
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you're right about the overwhelming whiteness in mash fandom; somebody made a post about soon-lee (an on-screen woc) not receiving as much content and attention compared to peg and there were people who seemed to a) brush it off, b) actually be bothered by it, or c) equate their experiences??? like ???? and don't even mention how much of the racism toward klinger is brushed off
exactly. i think you explained it well but lemme unpack further:
peg appears on screen twice but never in corporal form next to any of the other characters. and her appearances are marred by the fact that she exists in the narrative only in relation to BJ. as his life-line and a source of his pain. that is not my interpretation of what she should be, it's how she was written. i'm not saying she's not important or that BJ does not love her and I'm not commenting even on the state of their marriage right now, i'm just saying peg as a human person with thoughts, feelings, ambitions is not something that the narrative focuses on. where there is Peg, there is always BJ somewhere - either having a meltdown because he misses his life back home or reminding us that he loves his wife and child.
i never did publish my fridging essay because it was long and it became about dc comics rather than MASH but... the suggestion that the peg character is 'fridged' or otherwise 'ignored' by the fandom is funny to me because, well, the show did it first. if you want something to rally against, why not start with the dudes who actually wrote her as being a phantom limb of BJ's and then i can maybe listen to you make the connection between that and how and why fandom is the way that it is about women characters. provided you expand that argument to at least include margaret because i don't i could be convinced using just peg as an example.
i could go on and on about peg's portrayal as being the real being affront to stereotypes of 50s women on MASH as compared to like, the various nurse ables or even Margaret but that would be touching the s1-3 vs 4-11 mess for the second time today so let's move on.
soon-lee is a strong, though not perfect, departure from that. like. really strong, imo. she's got 2 hours to make an impression on us and she does. she does not exist in association to klinger. she's had a life before klinger and though she expresses her sadness around it, she's willing to give up a life with him if she has to in order to find her family. and that one line in no way does justice to soon-lee's footprint on the show, but that's another post that i will write eventually.
basically, soon-lee is the heavylift for the show wrt women AND race, which isn't exactly fair to her to have to do but i'm still grateful for soon-lee. she seems to be an intentional contribution to the western tv canon of varied representations of racialized women and they did that in 1982. we haven't done much better since then on shows that primarily center white experiences, so that's why i think she's of note.
it does both women a disservice to equate their experiences in the narrative and also their treatment in the fandom - both are uneven. peg has way less agency in the narrative than soon-lee, yet soon-lee is nowhere near as present in fanwork as peg.
why is that? lots of reasons i think: peg being closely associated to BJ and BJ being the most popular character in fandom (next to hawkeye but i'm starting to wonder if he actually eclipses hawkeye) gets peg some points. people feeling out of their depth with what exactly to do with klinger and soon-lee's relationship bc it's pretty well resolved by the end - there are absolutely opportunities for future conflict with them being like, a mixed korean-lebanese couple in post-police-action korea but i admit even for me, someone who might be interested in writing something about that, i'd feel a certain responsibility to do my homework.
then again i've seen (and done) all manner and depth of academic research conducted by fanartists to write slowburn white m/m slash or even m/f fic so i'm not taking the race out of the picture completely. and that's the last, important, uncomfortable difference between peg and soon-lee - peg is white and soon-lee is not. i respect and appreciate the goal of any call to diversify the space (provided it doesn't come with any sort of weird guilt trip, which is a line i try to toe all the time) but we have to be careful that in doing that we're not denying racialized people their experiences. or at least acknowledging that there are different ways to move through the world.
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delilahsworld · 7 months
Text
Too Young
Your arm hangs loosely around my shoulders,
The most attention I’ll get while we’re out.
It’s heavy, uncomfortable on my bare skin,
Your sweat mixing with mine as your bones
Dig into my own,
Yet you barely notice.
I sit, a stupid smile on my face,
Because it means you love me
When you show me off like this
Amongst your group of friends.
You tell me I stare too much,
But think I’m mad when my eyes are on the floor.
Your smile makes my heart feel full
And I dread the moment it leaves your face.
When your friends are gone I worry what I’ve done wrong
And you don’t understand why I want to go to sleep when we get home.
You tell me I must hate sex,
That I never make an effort.
How can I explain sleeping with you once a month
Takes all the effort I can give.
When you’re eighteen,
You think love is expensive meals, sex toys and heat.
Love is the feeling of sweat on your skin,
It’s secret kisses when you insist one day you’ll be claimed to the world.
It’s being told you’re so much more mature than other girls,
It’s waiting until you’re eighteen,
It’s promises that you’ll have more from him, one day.
It’s ignoring the rages,
Ignoring the sinking feeling the silent treatment gives you.
It’s missing your friends but being given no time for them.
It’s feeling better than your friends because you’re mature,
You go for lovely meals,
You have fancy clothes,
You go for weekends away
And you use sex toys because you’re liberated,
Not because you don’t want to be touched.
He’ll never admit what he did.
He’ll never understand that I wasn’t a cruel person.
I was a child,
Dressed up like the perfect woman
Yet never meeting his image.
I didn’t get to be angry at his wrongs,
And that felt fair.
A child does not get angry at their elders.
He could scream, he could rage,
And I’d apologise for daring to express myself.
I was always wrong,
He was always right.
But that’s not fair.
It never was.
You weren’t fair.
We weren’t fair.
And it hurts even now,
Though it wasn’t me you hurt.
It was her.
That baby girl, only eighteen.
She thought you were her happiness,
But you only tore her down.
She deserved better.
You never deserved her.
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intersex-support · 2 years
Note
hi! im sure you get sick of getting this but i need some help as im questioning intersex after many years and lots of research. specifically im question if i have swcah. ive had pots symptoms for as long as i can accurately recall and am close to constantly in some level of adrenal fatigue, im always craving salt and having electrolyte imbalances as well as feeling dehydrayed easily and having awful circulation.
physically, i had a lot of early growth spurts and was one of my tallest classmates, but now as an adult im barely average, about as tall as my dad who is kind of short for his circumstances. ive been growing facial hair since middle school, and now that i identify as some? flavor of trans masc? almost everyone ive met in recent years asks me how long ive been on T, based on my voice and amount of face and body hair. ive never in my life had access to T, i havent started it, and people are genuinely shocked by it.
[possibly tmi trying to be medical]
i also absolutely have clitoromegaly, thats another reason partners as well have asked before if i have been on T, as well even growing up and before i had any concept of what intersex conditions were, i knew there was something off there and i would awkwardly (like a very small child) tell people i *actually* had, um, "both" when i was gendered as a kid, until i got told by my parents to stop because i was wrong.
final thing probably: i had to get a full physical at 11, including genital physical, and there was a point that my mother was pulled aside and whispered something that she never told me no matter how much i asked. ive been growing increasingly worried lately that it was related to an intersex condition in someway, even if not using those terms, but since im no contact i cant ask now. sorry, i know that one is anecdotal, so feel free to ignore it.
i just want to know why i am the way i am
hi! again! i forgot to mention that i started puberty around 10-11 and ive never had a very normal cycle, sometimes it would be almost normal for a few months then i would go months without anything again, and eventually a really short but really intense, painful, heavy cycle after so long of nothing, its always been like this for me. 2/2
Hey anon!
So, I've done some research to answer this question but I am not an expert on salt wasting CAH and def would reccomend checking things with a doctor if possible. It defintely sounds like you have a lot of symptoms of CAH. Having clitoromegaly, growth spurts but now mostly average, having body hair, the irregular periods--all of those things really stand out to me as symptoms of CAH, and also especially the doctor keeping something secret from you, cause that happens to so many intersex kids.
What I'm less certain about is if you could have gone this far into life without being diagnosed with salt wasting CAH. I know that newborn screening for salt wasting CAH started in the 1980s, but I entirely believe it's possible that it could have been missed, or wherever you were born didn't screen you, or something like that. My understanding, however, is that salt wasting CAH is life threatening if not treated and I'm wondering if it is possible that you could have gotten into adulthood without ever going into adrenal crisis. From everything I've read, it seems like salt wasting CAH is usually diagnosed in childhood because people with salt wasting CAH will go into adrenal crisis without treatment. Honestly, the only way I really think that you could have salt wasting CAH is if you had gone into a salt wasting crisis while you were a newborn but it was treated, and it was hidden from you. It sounds like there's a complicated relationship with your mother and already a pattern of hiding some medical info from you, so I suppose it could be possible that it happened but the info is not in your medical records. Have you ever been on hydrocortisone, prednisone, or dexamethasone long term, as well fludrocortisone? I'd say only if you have been on those medicines long term and had salt wasting crises, that you could possible have salt wasting CAH.
However, what I think is more likely is that you have a variation of CAH that is not salt wasing and also not NCAH. My first guess would be that you have simple virilizing CAH, which is still considered "classical CAH" but is without salt wasting crises. With SV CAH, people usually have a less severe aldosterone deficiency. This means that you might still have symptoms like hyponatremia (low sodium), hyperkalemia (high potassium), hypoglycemia, dehydration, and could also maybe even cause your poor circulation. Usually, this doesn't progress to the point of salt wasting crisis and is more mild than swCAH, but is generally more severe than NCAH. Besides sv classical CAH, there are also rare forms of CAH caused by defienciencies in other enzymes, which have a wide variety in presentations of symptoms.
Another thing that I just learned about is CAH X, which is a variation of CAH that's comorbid with EDS. If you also have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, it might be worth looking into. With CAH X, there's a specific genetic cause that causes EDS, CAH, and most people are also comorbid with POTS.
Also, there is a chance that you could just have more severe symptoms of NCAH. I just read a study that says 1/3 of people with NCAH have a cortisol insufficency. Cortisol insufficency can also cause weakness, fatigue, dizziness, electrolyte imbalance, low sodium--so there may be a chance that you have NCAH and a more severe cortisol insufficency. Anecdotally, a lot of people with NCAH have POTS comorbid (I do as well!) and there really hasn't been a lot of research on NCAH and POTS. It looks like there might be more of a connection between NCAH and adrenal insufficency then previously thought, but there isn't a lot of research done on NCAH. I read another study talking about how a lot of research papers do not specify whether they include NCAH in their numbers of people with CAH.
Basically, I think that it is unlikely that you've made it to adulthood without getting diagnosed with salt wasting CAH, because salt wasting CAH is basically life threatening if untreated. It is more likely that you have classical simple virilization CAH, a rarer subtype of CAH, or NCAH with severe symptoms.
Please feel free to ask if you have any other questions, and good luck!
-Mod E
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sp00kysk3lly · 2 months
Text
Not one person fought for me in my life.
Not my teachers (primary and secondary), not my doctors (former and current), therapists.
Neither of them have fought for me to receive the best care, treatment, help that I SEVERELY needed.
There was one therapist, one person, who contacted my doctor, and said “I think this child has autism and an assessment should be made.” What my doctor did? Ignored it. Didn’t even respond. So one person KNEW I had autism and wanted me to have a referral, but GAVE UP trying once my doctor ignored her!!!
I always find myself, fighting for people in my life. Especially my friends. But they never do the same for me. If I messaged them and told them I was done and that I’m going to end it. They wouldn’t even respond. They wouldn’t say “no! Don’t do that, don’t even dare do that. I’m here. If you need to call me, or video call me, then please do it but don’t do anything so severe.” They’d just ignore it or read it and never respond.
They wouldn’t tell me they miss me. They wouldn’t tell me that they love me and that they will fight for me to stay on this planet. But no. I get nothing like that. Not a single thing.
I’ve seen it when I post things on instagram, (they’re not attention seeking. But I guess they sort of are because I just want my friends to reach out to me and ask me what is wrong). But when I post them no one is in a hurry to message me. No one is commenting telling me to message them.
Like recently I gave my so-called “best friend” a piece of his own medicine and read his message and never responded for a week. He then messaged me Sunday night and just spoke about when he could come here and see me.
No “how are you”?” No “are you ok?” No “I saw you read my message and didn’t respond, is everything ok?” Nothing. Just dates to when he could come here.
I don’t even want him here. But I have no choice. I can’t confront people. I can’t do that. It’s not in my personality to do that. I wish I could though. I wish I could tell him and everyone else in my life who pretends to care.
I wish I could tell them that you’re a shitty friend. I don’t want you round my house because all you want to do is play on my new PlayStation to see if it’s worth it. And when you do get a PlayStation, you will ONCE AGAIN not want to play a game with me.
This friend use to play GTA 4 and GTA 5 with me. Then he just stopped for no reason. I asked him to play and he just was like “I can’t be bothered tonight.” And this friend use to sleep round my house every time he stayed here, now he doesn’t? But he can go around his other friends and sleep there. Why not my house? Why don’t you want to anymore? It makes NO SENSE!
But yeah, no one has fought for me. The signs/traits of autism were right there! Right in front of their fucking faces! And now, 21 YEARS LATER I have to watch my own nephew get the help and fucking support that I should have got. And it makes me angry. It makes me want to murder those people who failed me and set me up to fail and never fought for me.
I was called fucking ODD by my DOCTOR! My own fucking GP called me ODD from when I was a toddler to when she retired in 2016! What fucking doctor does that? I am AUTISTIC! Not odd or weird or a freak.
And I’ve looked up the definition and the synonyms of ODD, there’s nothing good. There’s not one fucking word that is associated and used as a replacement word that is positive or good!
I think I might end it. I really do. I don’t want to be here anymore. Everyone and everything is getting worse. Worse and worse. It’s never going to get better for me. So why am I waiting around for that “better time”? It’s not worth it. It won’t get better. It will only get worse.
I’m done….
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taechaos · 3 years
Text
Silent Treatment
from Textbook Love drabble series
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pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader
genre: drabble, smut, college au
synopsis: Why did you reject him? He’s consumed by his thoughts and theories of your behavior because you didn’t say a single word to him. If your actions were anything to go by, which apparently speak louder than words, you didn’t even want him to touch you.
warnings: slight angst, drugs, arguing, dubcon, cunnilingus, mild degredation
word count: 4.2k
tags: @mwitsmejk @1-in-abillion @kooookie
a/n: the request (contains some spoilers). i'm gonna take a very short break from this couple to write other requests!! hope u enjoy 💗
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The shift in the Spring weather is unpredictable. One moment it’s chilly, and the other sunny. Humans can only adapt so much, and it causes an outbreak of common colds. Most people recover easily, handy medicine soothing their sore throats, syrups suppressing coughs, and nose sprays ridding the blockage. You, on the other hand, are not that lucky. With a weak immune system, you’re very careful to not get sick, but there must have been a slip-up because you’ve somehow lost your voice after catching a cold.
You sniffle and cough, but you can’t speak. It’s advised to not exert your vocal cords in cases like these, and that is just so unfortunate for you. The last thing you’d ever want to do is spread your sickness to Jungkook, and that meant not getting too close to him; it meant no kissing. 
A very large white placard is spread out in front of you on the wooden table, and you’re plastering printed images of a specific global issue on it. You’re sitting on a bench with two of your friends as they chatter mindlessly while you work. Jungkook has a project about climate change due in a few days, and it’s supposed to be very important for his final grade. You’ve already written him a script for his presentation along with a stick prop to point at specific pictures. It’s fun, glittery and he’s going to love it. 
“Hey,” Minnie, your friend, calls for you, “we’re going to get some coffee from Starbucks. Want us to get you green tea?”
Soyeon laughs when your eyes light up; it’s your favorite beverage, and it’s supposed to help with your sore throat. They leave with a smile after you give them a hyper nod and you’re alone as you adjust your woolen scarf around your neck. You need to heal as fast as you can so you’re no longer missing your beloved’s affection.
Jungkook has been feeling more inclined to approach you without reason lately, but that doesn’t mean it’s a common occurrence. Getting teased by his friend, specifically Taehyung, about having a sissy crush on a girl like yourself angered him to no end. A hit always got him to shut up, but not for long. He’s walking your way today because there’s no one around to judge him for talking to you. 
You’re tearing a double-sided tape when he sits on your table, carefully avoiding your materials. Your breath hitches as his eyes gloss over your work in progress. “Working hard, I see,” he comments with disinterest. He doesn’t say anything about your efforts, but he’s impressed. The corner of his lip tugs upwards before he leans in for a kiss. You have enough self-control and concern for his well-being over your desires to lean back before your lips make contact. His face is close to yours as he pauses and slightly frowns before trying again. He receives the same results and finally pulls back. 
“You did well,” he frowns at you and speaks as if you’re a child, “I’m praising you.” Your eyes are darting back and forth awkwardly and you don’t know what to do other than sit in silence. You put your hands on his knees as a resort and his frown deepens as he watches you. “I can take a hint, you know. You don’t have to fucking ignore me.” He roughly shoves your hands and stands up before storming off with a scoff. You’re torn between following him and being responsible over your belongings. You can’t let his grades go to waste because of a small misunderstanding, so you decide to text him instead. There’s always a possibility someone might steal his project. Or maybe after he’s cooled off? You delay the message, but somewhere in your heart, you’re satisfied by his reaction because it’s clear that he wanted to kiss you.
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Heavy footsteps clomp against the sidewalk before Jungkook slumps on the seat next to Taehyung. It’s an isolated area for smoking students at the back of the campus, and his friend group is no exception to this role. They’re taking drags of cigarettes individually as Jungkook glares at his boots. They’re chunky and a bold black, and his dark outfit paints him as the big bad wolf. It fits, because he’s ready to attack when he’s filled with so much resentment. Why did you reject him? He’s consumed by his thoughts and theories of your behavior because you didn’t say a single word to him. If your actions were anything to go by, which apparently speak louder than words, you didn’t even want him to touch you. It doesn’t make sense, but you also grimaced at him, but then why were you doing his homework? He’s feeling frustrated, and upset all the same.
“Someone’s troubled,” Seokjin points out with a mouthful of smoke. “Kookie?”
Said boy only grunts in response.
“Did the lousy girl finally see you for who you really are and leave you?” Taehyung doesn’t hesitate to mock him with a pout. “Tragic.”
“Shut the fuck up, Tae,” Jungkook spits and sends him a death glare, fire flaming in his fierce eyes. “Go actually talk to a girl or something, and leave me alone. I can’t take your shit right now.”
The low blow doesn’t affect Taehyung in the slightest as he holds up his hands in defence with comically wide eyes. “Relax, tiger.”
“Moving on from Tae’s inability to talk to girls in broad daylight, what’s up with you Kook?” Namjoon butts in, earning a fake cough from the receiving end of the insult.
He pauses for a moment before babbling, “I hate those bitches. My mother for one, couldn’t stand wearing clothes whenever she saw a dude. Moving on from guy to guy, unless they’re a fucking asshole. What do they want? Why are they never fucking satisfied?!”
A moment of silence passes among the huddled friends before Yoongi breaks it with a joke, “Who’s the lucky girl?” It doesn’t land as Jungkook deeply sighs in response. “Did she cheat on you?” he tries again.
“No,” he murmurs.
“Then…?”
“She… I don’t fucking know, she gave me the silent treatment. She leaned away from me too,” he shakes his head with a quiet groan, “it just doesn’t add up. I got mad and left.”
“No way that could’ve ended up badly,” Taehyung chuckles but purses his lips when he’s sent another dirty look.  “How long was the interaction anyway?” 
“Like 30 seconds.”
“Are you coming out tonight?” Yoongi asks and puts out the burning tip of his stick. “Could help you feel better.”
“And we’ve got molly,” Namjoon adds.
“Yeah, fine, whatever.”
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Alcohol’s effect on a person differs in moods, and Jungkook is usually a horny drunk. Being a sad drunk is a first for him tonight, but he’s just so confused. It made his heart drop when you outwardly refused his advances and anxiety blossomed in his chest, which he has no idea how to deal with. It kicked in fight or flight instincts, and he just… hated the idea of you not loving him, even if it’s momentary. He can’t bear staying in a situation that makes him feel so insecure, and that feeling is supposed to be left in his childhood. You just about brought out the worst in him without doing anything. 
You didn’t do anything.
It’s 10PM and he’s waiting on your usual good night text that he never responds to. It’s so pathetic, and he hates himself for being so used to your affection that it worries him when he’s deprived of it. He’s never doubted your love for him, but his insecurities are churning his gut. It’s an overflow of all of his pent-up emotions, and he can’t handle it.
“Here,” Taehyung pops in out of nowhere, clutching a pill in his hand. There’s a bottle of water in the other as he holds them out for Jungkook to take. “Stop moping and get laid.”
“I’d say the same to you, but you’d probably start crying during sex,” he mumbles and uncaps the bottle before throwing in the pill and washing it down with the water. “Thanks.”
“See that girl over there?” he ignores him and steps behind his miserable friend to point at the owner of the sultry gaze directed at Jungkook from the bar. “She wants to fuck you. Or maybe me, but I’m passing her onto you.”
“How kind of you,” he sarcastically replies.
“Uh-uh, so you’re gonna be in ecstasy in about 10 minutes. Don’t fuck this up.” He slaps his shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen. It’s a lonesome party because not a lot of people are allowed in when drugs are involved. Causing a ruckus, receiving a noise complaint and then getting arrested is out of the question. 
He isn’t interested in sex with a stranger - not today at least -, but he hopes for it to change as he waits to approach her. Maybe drugs will rile him up enough to have fun with someone else and rid his mind of you. It’s an annoying itch on his brain, so he rests his head against the couch to comfort himself with the soft fabric. He’s sleepy from the beer he drank earlier, and he doesn’t know how time goes by so fast when he closes his eyes.
A few minutes must have passed, because he’s starting to feel dizzy in his seat. A smile carves on his face as his mind grows slightly fogged, and he opens his eyes to find the girl quietly chatting with a friend. When she glances at him, he beckons her to come over. She mouths a “be right back” to her friend before strutting in his direction.
“Hey,” she smiles down at him before sitting on the couch. She’s aristocratic, chic and pretty. “Sorry if I weirded you out earlier.” Her voice is sweet like honey, and her words flow out of her tongue so naturally. A dream girl, really, and Jungkook is starting to get horny.
“I don’t mind,” he reassures with a subtle seductive tone, “what’s a girl like you doing with this crowd? You look too innocent.” He wraps a finger around a strand of her hair and twirls it. It feels strange.
“My friend sent me here, told me to watch over someone,” she lowly speaks. “I’m Soyeon.”
“Nice to meet you, Soyeon,” he breathes before crashing her lips with his. His hand reaches down to grip her thigh, tongue poking out to swipe the sticky gloss. It’s flavored, and it tastes of strawberry. When she kisses him back so slowly, innocently, it turns him on so much. His pants feel tight around his crotch as he runs another hand through her soft hair. Compared to him, she’s passionate whereas he’s sloppy. He’s starting to get dizzier, and it feels so fucking good, but he hates it.
There is not a single reason for him to not enjoy this, not when his mood is lifting so high. The hand on her thigh lands on her cleavage instead and she’s so submissive and shy, but something’s off. He groans into her mouth before biting her lip, ripping a whine out of her. Why does she sound so sexy and annoying?  
He pulls away from her before sighing in irritation. “Fuck, I can’t do this.” 
“Did I do something wrong?” she asks worriedly.
“No, just, fuck.” He starts laughing before rubbing his palms on his eyes, “I really want to fuck, but I just can’t.”
“We can just chat,” she softly suggests. “What’s your name?”
“Jungkook.”
He removes his hands from his face when she goes silent. Her eyes are wide and she’s gaping at him… guiltily? “Crap,” she hisses quietly, “I was supposed to make sure you were okay. My roommate is like, super in love with you and asked me to come here.”
He says your name in a question, wondering if it’s you. When she nods, he asks for your dorm instantly.
“She’s in room 124… Why?”
When he stands up, there’s a sway in his posture but he recovers quickly. There’s an involuntary grin on his face as he thanks her ignorantly. He’s out of the villa in a rush, and he has the overwhelming urge to just run. The campus is a bit far away from the house, but he doesn’t care as his footfalls echo in the dark streets. He has so much energy to waste, and with his current stamina, he’s confident he’ll find you before dawn. It’s stupid but it’s fun, and he doesn’t care for catching his breath as the corner stores pass by him in a blur. 
Throughout the two hours of his reckless jog, where he mixed up directions multiple times, his mind is starting to clear up little by little. He’s happy because of what Soyeon told him, and he feels relieved upon seeing the familiar college building. He’s not allowed in dorms at this time, but he’s done this too many times to get caught. Except he was drunk in those instances, and being on MDMA was different. Sneaking past security was tough because he couldn’t bring himself to tiptoe without making so much noise. When they glanced at him, he thought it to be the only choice to just run past them. He’s in the elevator by the time they catch on, and the numbers look wonky in his eyes but he presses the button for the right floor. 
He’s shifting his weight repeatedly in an attempt to contain his excitement; he wants to see you so bad. The moment he hears the ding of the elevator, he’s running past the halls and stops upon seeing 124. He has to squint, but he knows this is your dorm. 
You wake up with a silent gasp when there’s a pound on the door. You clutch your sheets in fear until someone starts to sing your name. “Jungkook?” you mouth to yourself. You stand up and look through the peephole and there’s a man on the other side who’s bouncing on his feet impatiently.
“Open up,” he sings loudly. You’re worried when you swing the door open and yank him inside so he doesn’t wake up any other students. You try to talk but only a wheeze comes out, so you switch on the light to see him instead. The brightness hurts your eyes as you close them for a few seconds. “Well, well, well, look who we have here…”
He starts to circle around you slowly and stumbles behind you. “Sending people to spy on me after rejecting me like that.” His words are slightly slurred and you turn around to face him with a pout. You point at your throat to give him a hint, but his eyes don’t waver from your pleading ones. “What are your intentions, huh?” he weakly pushes you, “Sending me mixed signals. Who- who do you think you are?”
You hold his hands and place them on your neck, trying to communicate with him by mouthing, “I’m sick,” but he only chuckles. He seems sickeningly joyous, but he’s not over his anger. “Still not going to talk to me? What did I even do?”
You deeply inhale from your nose because he’s not paying attention to you. You’re frustrated with yourself until he yells, “WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME?” The surge of serotonin, his state of euphoria is crashing down on him the more you ignore him. He had believed the drug would only make him happy, but it intensified his sadness and anxiety just as much when he saw you. It helped him forget you in a social circle, but you confused him so much after he was reassured for so long - coupled with your silence, he’s raging.
“Why are you ignoring me?! What did I do that was so bad that you can’t bear talking to me anymore? You told me you loved me, please,” he chokes and tries to swallow the lump in his throat. “I-I’ll make it up to you, I’m so sad right now. Just say something…”
You’re watching him in shock and a hint of fear from his fluctuating mood. You want to cry at how pitiful he looks, but instead you aim to grab a piece of paper from your bedside table. He misreads your actions and pushes you against the wall. “Stop this. Stop!” He has your arms pinned and he’s trying so hard to intimidate you so you give in. A dry sob leaves you because he's going mad, but then he has a sudden epiphany. “Maybe you’ll love me again if I fuck you hard enough and engrave it in your brain that you’re mine. Yes, yes!”
He starts unbuckling his belt and you immediately try to stop him; he’ll get sick! He shoves you again and pulls down his jeans before mashing his mouth against yours. All of your efforts have gone to waste when his tongue forces its way down your throat. There’s no point to denying him now, so you hesitantly kiss him back. You’re so guilty, and he’s so careless as he roughly pushes his hand down your white cotton shorts. You’re wearing a navy blue sweater to match so you don’t get cold in the night, but the shorts are meant to prevent a fever. What’s the point now, then? He hasn’t even read your texts that you only remembered to send before sleeping. He missed a whole paragraph of your explanation and confronted you so angrily.
“I’m going to fuck you all night,” he growls against your lips, “then you’ll remember how much you love me.” Your moans are quiet and hitched as he presses down on your clit through your panties. His other hand is on his cock as he strokes it eagerly, ready to get inside you. “I missed you so fucking much in one day,” he whispers in a croak. Hearing it makes you feel even warmer inside as you nudge his hand to urge him to enter you. “You missed me too, huh?” he takes notice of your neediness. “Shouldn’t have fucking brought it upon yourself then.”
He removes his hand from your shorts and taps your thighs before demanding, “Jump.” You bite your lip in consideration until he taps them harder and you quickly wrap your legs around his waist. Your shorts are relatively short, resembling loose boxers, so when your back is pressed against the wall he only pushes them and your underwear to the side before thrusting into you. A scream gets caught in your throat, and you forget all about your aches as he roughly fucks into you without caring for protection or lube. It stings only slightly, but the pleasure in feeling so full of him outweighs the pain.
Jungkook is moaning and groaning as he bruises your thighs in his hold. Your panting is all he can catch, and though the feeling of you is an amplified sensation because of the drug coursing in his system, he wants to hear you chant his name as well. “Still quiet?” he tuts and carries you to your narrow bed and you cling onto his shoulder while trying to catch your breath after the sudden attack. “Your cunt is throbbing though,” he says as he pulls out of you and drops you on the bed. He manhandles you by flipping you on your stomach and holds up your ass. He finally takes off your bottom clothing, but he’s slightly dizzy as he yanks them off your ankles. He spreads your thighs apart and you’re on your knees with your head against the mattress. “I wonder why that is,” he says before slapping your pussy, making you whimper quietly. “So wet, yet you don’t even make a sound. Some whore you are.” You purse your lips and muster a whine, but it’s interrupted when he pistons his cock inside you without warning. Your sounds are hoarse as he pounds into you from the back, hands kneading your ass to the shape of his hands. He gives it a spank as he moans loudly; the new position makes it feel so much more intense, and Jungkook loves it. His ears finally get to hear your pathetic mewls as he thrusts so deeply inside you that your vision blurs with tears and your eyes roll to the back of your skull. You feel like a doll that can’t speak or move, and he’s evidently enjoying it going by his rushed pace. You’re challenging him with your silence, and he loves proving himself.
All of a sudden however, he stops moving. You look behind you with a pout and he quirks a brow at you. You grit your teeth because you know he's waiting for you to tell him to continue, or rather daring you to do something. A sudden surge of confidence overcomes you and you gently slam your hips against his, fucking yourself on his cock with your eyes screwed shut.
“Yes, baby,” he strains, “show me that you're still my good girl.” At his encouragement, you meet his thrusts faster and you're seeing stars at how amazing it feels. You want to be his good girl so bad, and you arch your back to savour the pleasure. “Your pussy is mine, all mine,” he affirms to himself and stills your hips to turn you around without removing his length. His fingers are digging into your flesh and your tits bounce under the fabric as he rams into you restlessly. Your mouth is open in a silent scream and he can barely make out your pupils, the whites of your eyes stirring his climax at how attractive you look under the poor lighting. “I love you so fucking much,” he cries, “say it back, baby.”
You try to, but you can only dryly cough. “You fucking bitch,” he hisses at your defiance and pulls out of you to pump his length. He’s close to his release, and he pushes up your sweater to see your hard nipples that make him salivate. He crawls to slide his cock between the valley of your breasts and it hurts when he harshly pushes them together. “Stick out your tongue,” he commands in a whisper, and you do so while panting like a dog. Every time he thrusts upwards, the tip of his head grazes your tongue and leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. He’s massaging your tits as he stutters between whines, and eventually his load spurts out to land on your chest and cheek with a particularly loud groan. His cum surges down his shaft as he rides out his high with the last slow thrusts. 
“Oh fuck,” he sighs airily and collapses next to you in the tiny space available. You clumsily turn on your side to give him more room and he pecks your swollen lips. He zips his pants back up and you’re still naked from the waist down. You’re staring at each other adoringly in the romantic, fragile atmosphere; another first.
“I love you,” you croak finally. It’s quieter than a whisper, and it makes you cringe at how hideous you sound; it’s painful as well.
His face lights up once he registers your words before noticing the tone. “What happened to your voice?”
“Sick.” You can’t bring yourself to say anything more as you snuggle into his side and he instinctively wraps an arm around your shoulders.
“Shit,” he murmurs, “why didn’t you tell me that sooner, idiot?”
You slap a hand on his front pocket where his phone is, and he hastily takes it out to see a bunch of notifications from you. “You sent it at night, you’re still the idiot.” You giggle and roll your eyes. “A promise is a promise, though,” he purrs before cupping your bare heat. “I did say I would fuck you all night.” You widen your eyes when his head lowers down to face your sopping wet cunt, and he slowly licks up a stripe over your soaked folds, making you shudder and grip his hair. He’s leaving kitty licks all over your sensitivity, the tip of his tongue lightly brushing against your clit every now and then. Your hips lift involuntarily, and he finally takes your clit in his mouth and sucks on it loudly. He slurps your arousal before spitting it back on your hood, and you can only squeak in response. Your hazed mind only tells you that you want more, and he doesn’t fail to provide.
Two fingers enter your clenching hole, and he’s scissoring your walls as he messily eats you out. The pleasure from earlier returns all too soon and you know you won’t be able to last long. His lids are hooded when you glance down at him and the way he’s looking at you makes it even harder to resist your orgasm. The knot in your stomach picks back up right before unraveling and your moan is raspy as you start twitching under his relentless mouth. He grows gentle and leaves kisses all over your vulva until your body falls limp on the sheets.
After another round of penetrative sex, the two of you fall asleep from exhaustion in your bed. It’s a first for the both of you, and Jungkook decides in his drunken mind that tonight won’t be the last. It feels so intimate when he cuddles you, and you won’t ever forget his love confession.
The next morning is not so pleasant however, as Jungkook wakes up with a loud sneeze and in his now nasal voice says, “God fucking damn it.”
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imeternallylove · 3 years
Note
hiya, could you write a Sherlock x reader where the reader is sherlock's ex? a make up sex and very bitter. they were married and have planned so many things in the future: having a child, buying a house, but it ends with divorce because of his case (drugs use) and they met again at Rosie's birthday.
yess i never wrote smut before
let's try and thanks for your request!
and i was crying
Sherlock x Reader
genre: angsty yes YES it's bitter sweet, smut
words: 2,690
summary: you are Sherlock’s former wife
(requests open! here: x)
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(gif not mine)
I miss you
SH
You sigh. Look at the ceiling of Watson's living room. Today is your pretty Rosie Watson's birthday. She might go to sleep, 3 AM now. At downstairs playing an alcohol game but, you sit here alone. You do not feel like having fun tonight. You do not feel like anything at all. But you have to be here. You lift your phone and stare at the name on the screen. Sherlock Holmes. Your ex-boyfriend. No. Your former husband. You have been separated for a couple of years now.
Five years. The most toxic and damaging relationship you ever have. Divorce, in the end, is the best thing you remember from this man.
You told everybody. This man was bad for you.
No, he wasn't possessive. No, he wouldn't go through your phone or force you to use the speakerphone every time you have a call. Or no, he doesn't control you when he didn't want you to wear make-up or even earrings, No. Not at all.
But after Mary, your best friend is dead. He told you and everyone he was the reason. You cry, he cries. But why is he back to using the drugs again?
Not only that, he told you and everyone he was on the case. You cry because he was an overdose. But why is he back to using the drugs again?
And you're not lying. All of it was true, down to the littlest detail. That's what you told yourself too. But the truth was that you were hiding half of the story. Because no matter how much you tried to persuade yourself.
You were just as bad to him.
You kept quiet on the silent treatments, spending days, even weeks ignoring him, just for the sake of hurting him. Like he hurt you first.
You kept quiet on the numerous ways you were always blaming him for all the problems you ever had. You never took the time to listen to him, you just always assumed it was his fault for everything. If you guys fought so much it was his fault. If he was nearly dying, it was his fault. No matter how many hurtful words you spat his way it was his fault for being weak and not being able to bear the truth.
You kept being the bad wife on the way, always trying to take him back from drugs by forcing him. Badly.
Always. Manipulate. In feeling sorry for himself, the same way he did it to you.
Like a game,
Turn by turn,
You were making your lives a living hell.
Just like a game. That's what he likes.
But they were moments of peace, or if you dare to call it that way, love. Yes, in some moments, you truly loved each other. In a way, only the both of you can understand.
No one could get how good you felt when you were finally calming down after the storm.
How his eyes clear up and look at you, just for you.
How your heart would beat for him when his lips pink pouty lips curled into an adorable smile.
When you laid your head on his chest and that you knew he was yours, yours only.
How you knew that his heart beating against your ear was beating for you.
How you knew the softs, warm breath fanning your cheeks was just for you.
When you both apologized and made the ever-empty promise of never hurting each other again. He looked at you with the most sincere eyes and, said that he loved you.
This.
This feeling. No one could understand, no one but you two. In your own unique and fucked up way, you loved each other.
But it had to be stopped, right? If it went on you would have ended up killing each other. When you love and hate someone so much at the same time. It's the only way out.
To accept.
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"Hey." Sherlock simply says when he opens the front door of his flat. He invites you in and you try to avoid his eyes. "The living room is right there." He points to the end of the hall. You nod, eyes still on the floor as you walk to the designated room.
You sit on the sofa and, he sits right in front of you in a single seat. The same flat you remember before you two decide the buy a house instead when you and him trying to make little Holmes. It's for rent now.
"The flat is nice." You finally say after a long moment of silence. Sherlock chuckles.
The only light source is a desk lamp set on the end table to your right. The room is small but cozy it has the familiar smell of cigarettes that you came to love. "Yeah. It's kind of nice living on my own now. You know without the roommate."
You are still looking around the room even though you already looked at the new details many times. "The only downside is that you can't blame someone else for the dishes piling up in the sink. It's great Mrs. Hudson not bored of me." He smiles and laughs with his wrinkle that you used to know. A sound you thought you would never hear again. You don't know why but that makes you look at him.
You were about I reply to him back. But you saw the married photo of yours. The most beautiful day. Same as at your flat.
You saw your apron hanging at the doorway in the kitchen. The blue apron is around your waist when you cook.
You hear the wooden floor as he walk over to pour the glass of water. Pick up for you. A voice you are more familiar with than your own.
The second you lay eyes on him, your heart sinks. His green orbs eyes formed little crescents of the sky blue, the pouty lips curled up in an amused smile, the curly black of his top. After that long, you would have thought you had forgotten such details about him, but you didn't. His smile faded when he noticed how long you stared. You locked eyes with him. Somehow it felt different. Somehow you felt like you were going to be alright. Somehow you felt at home.
"Would like something to drink more?" He asked, blinking twice and shaking his head, breaking the intense eye contact.
"Tea, please." You softly answered smile back.
At once, he disappeared into the kitchen again. The room was completely silent. You were able to hear your heart. It was beating hard but not fast. You didn't feel nervous at all for some reason. When Sherlock came back with two cups of nice tea and a radiant smile he sat next to you on the sofa. Because honestly, it was what felt the most natural. His thighs pressed against yours.
You brought your glass to your lips to have a sip.
You thought that it would have been awkward that you wouldn't know what to say, but. The truth was that you didn’t need to say anything. You already spent years speaking. It was like you already said all the words in the world. And no words could ever make it right anyway. What was done was done and reality can't be sugar-coated anymore.
"Listen, Y/N. I-"
"No." You lifted your hand. "Don't."
You didn't want to hear them again. You knew them by heart the fake excuses and the empty promises. You didn't come for that. You came to remember what was good. A human can be good with strangers.
You leaned in and closed your eyes and Sherlock did too. When your lips link, sparks of electricity shoot between you, shivers run down your spine, making the hairs on your nape stand. Just a simple peck before he parted from you. Immediately your lips missed the warmth of his.
Sherlock brought his hand to press your thigh. His cold slender fingers caress your skin through your distressing dress. You're startled when you feel a warm tear roll down on your cheek. You repress a sob when you finally understand what it is. Then you notice a scar above his eyebrow and flashes of the last fight come rushing to you. You made that, you made that scar, along with the many invisible ones that slowly turned him into the broken person he is. The overwhelming weight of guilt comes to crush you down.
Your tears running down. Again and again.
Before you can open your mouth to say anything as though you're regretting it. He crashes his trembling lips on yours. He trying so hard not to cry too. But the truth is that he missed you just as much. His cold hands slip under your skirt and roam your heated skin while yours unbutton his white shirt.
You can't believe the same hands that are right now so delicately caressing your skin are the same that were lifted hit you so many times.
You can't believe the soft lips kissing you so sweetly are the same ones that parted to insult you so many times.
You press your eyes closed shut, trying to chase away the memories of blood gushing out and shattered cries. You let your fingers entangle in his shiny darken hair. While he unbuckles your bra and pulls down your panty. Right after you help him out of his clothes.
You lay down on the sofa and he lays right over you, tenderly kissing your neck as you gasp at each one.
When he pulls away to look at you, his eyes translate a thousand emotions. Guilt, sadness, remorse, and maybe, just maybe, even love. Or maybe you only want to see that in his eyes.
"Are you sure you want this?" He says his own eyes brimming with tears.
You breathe out. "Yeah."
Yes. You want to forget about the bad things, about the pain and hatred, about the screams and the blood. You want to escape the truth one last time. You want to tell yourself that underneath all of this was true love. And you want to believe it’s still there even though it’s untrue. Even though don't know what you're doing?
Just then, like he senses your need to turn your face away from the truth, your need for fiction he crashes his lips onto yours, pulling you into a rough and harsh kiss. His teeth graze over your lips.
His length plunges inside your sopping center and his warmth pulls a small gasp from your lips. Finally reunited at last.
He seizes the opportunity to shove his tongue into your mouth. Both of your bodies match up a coordinated and pleasurable rhythm. His rough and hungry hands convey how much he missed you and even after all this time, he still knows you by heart… Of course, he does… and you do too because the truth is that… You and him… You could never forget each other. Forever damned to be together, forever cursed to be apart.
The pleasant and familiar feeling of his hands, his lips, and his manhood kissing your deepest part ignites a fire inside you. You pull both of your bodies up. You make him sit up and you straddle his lap.
But the truth is just right here, whispering in your ear…
"I don't know what I'm doing." His distant voice yells from the back of your head.
You want to forget.
Your hands roughly pull on his hair as he thrusts up inside you, making you moan his name in a shaky whisper. He whimpers into the deep and messy kiss. Your hands run on his warm skin, desperate to find under your finger the soft sensation you used to know. The sound of a shattered cup on the floor.
The day. Coast-to-coast divorce pushes you both to personal and creative extremes in fucking worst ways.
Your hips swivel around on him. You push your center against his hard cock, making him moan against the skin of your neck. Both of your warm bodies pressed together are reminded of each other. Soft sobs, lying on the cold tiles of the bathroom.
The divorce certificate. Your signing. You want to tear them.
He nibbles on your collar bones while you throw your head back giving him unrestricted access to you. His swift hands contour you and harshly grip your waist to pull you up and push you down on him, walls clenching around him while you feel him twitch in pleasure. Sherlock dives in on your chest, taking one of your sensitive nipples in his mouth.
The smudge makeup, the cold nights, the reek of alcohol, the screams, the sound of his hands leaving blue marks on your face, the horrors you said, the horrors he did… Everything… Everything…
Lots of questions about your divorce. You want to forget everything.
"Aaaah… Shit. Sherl." You whisper, trying to cover the overwhelming rumor of your own memories. "Fuck. Y/N." He breaths against your skin while you lower your hips on him.
It feels so good. He feels so good. You close your eyes, making sure to enjoy the moment while for a brief instant you didn’t feel miserable. "Fuck Sherl! Sherlock. Aah!" you moan again, feeling your core throb around his length while his comforting grunts fill the air between you. He purrs in your ears, "That's it, baby." His hands roamed your body and lightly teased your hard nipples. "Moan my name."
"Sherlo-," you cry out, that can't speak his name while feeling your release coming dangerously close as you rock your hips on him. His moans ricocheted around the room.
"Baby, you're so tight." He moans. "You're gonna make me cum." He says pushing his hip up fucking you back while you both sync up, fucking each other and at a beautiful matching pace.
"Say you love me. Just-" You plead, desperately wanting to believe him. "Say it. Do you love me?"
"I love you. I love you. Y/N." The hoarse voice whistles in your ear. "I love you."
You don't want to cry when you have sex with him. You sob. "I love you too."
He moans, nails digging into your bare thighs. "Let's make that kid. Let's have that child we always dreamed about."
"Okay," you whisper in a short breath, giving up, desperately wanting to believe this child will save the both of you.
His breath is short, "take my cum baby," struggling with every word. He grunts as he finally cums. You feel him let go, huge amounts of thick cum rush inside of you, filling you up to the brink, reaching the deepest part of you, where life can possibly sprout.
You throw your head back, toes curled up and eyes rolled back as you bite hard on your bottom lip, fully enjoying the delicious full sensation spreading to your body as your heat uncontrollable twitches in a powerful orgasm.
You moan out his name like a prayer, like a religious mantra. A final vain attempt to make you both right for each other at last. He crashes his lips onto your, trying to chase away your doubts while you throb around his cock. "Cum for me baby," he whispers as you slowly ride your high, drunk on the unbearable pleasure he pumped inside you.
Once you both get down he looks at you eyes filled with something you can’t quite describe, something you’ve never seen before… Maybe hope.
"I love you. Y/N"
"I love you too."
You hide your face in the crook of his neck, hiding the tears rolling on your cheeks. "I'm fucking love you. Sherlock"
Even if it has to end in despair and sorrow, if it's with him then you are willing to give it a pointless try once again. Because even if it's a lie, even if it's the last chance, even if it doesn't last forever.
You love the way he looks at you when he says these three simple words.
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hope y’all like this
i actually crying
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uswntxfootball · 3 years
Text
baby, you’re like lightning in a bottle (kristie mewis x reader)
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sam doesn’t know, so it’s unintentionally a series of rendezvous in the hotel. 
word count: 2388 ish
rating: H for hi i had some time to write so i did this short thing and Y for yeah i’ve been in a kristie kind of a phase so enjoy :)
title- electric love, borns  
——
your heart beat wildly in your chest as you laid there on the ground, sam’s voice distracting you from the grossness of the hotel room floor.
“okay now can you get up and put on some clothes already so we can go to breakfast?”
there’s a little bit more chatter until you hear a bit of rustling from the bed on top of you, followed by the clicking of a door, signaling sam’s exit from the room. 
still, you don’t dare to move, but it’s only when kristie bursts out laughing that you do. 
“okay that was too close of a call!”
 you shuffle out from under the bed and glare at your girlfriend, which only makes her laugh harder. 
you sit back onto the bed, a sheet draped over you, and pout.
“you didn’t have to kick me off the bed you asshole!”
kristie rolled her eyes.
“would you rather have been naked in my bed when sam walked in?”
“alright fair point,” you grumble.
kristie laughs again, and you try to stay mad at her, but when your girlfriend is kristie mewis, how could you? 
you eventually join in the laughter and break out into a grin, giving your girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek when she walks by to get her phone.
“as much as i love you like this you should get dressed too y/n.”
you roll your eyes but agree.
“yeah yeah- speaking of, where is my shirt?”
kristie looks up from her phone and arches a brow at you.
“it’s your shirt. how would i know?”
you smirk and pull her in gently by the front of her hoodie, the girl in front of you gasping slightly as you do so.
“well you ripped it off of me last night didn’t you?”
kristie grins and wraps her arms around your neck. 
“perhaps.”
you look up and meet her in a searing kiss, your tongue slipping in her mouth almost immediately.
kristie pushes you onto your back and moves her kisses to your neck, but a slam on the door makes the two of you jump and almost fall off the bed in surprise.
“COME ON KRISTIE I’M HUNGRY!”
your girlfriend groans into your neck before screaming a reply: 
“JUST WAIT FOR ME IN THE LOBBY!”
“OKAY FINE!”
kristie groans, and just as she opens her mouth, sam cuts her off again.
“OKAY BUT YOU BETTER NOT FALL ASLEEP AGAIN!”
kristie rolls her eyes.
“SHUT UP I’M COMING!”
“not anymore..” you mutter, earning a smack on the chest from your girlfriend. 
despite her annoyance, she leans down to give you one last peck before making her way to the bathroom.
“okay i’ll leave first, and i’ll text you when the coast is clear so you can go back to your room.”
you hum in compliance.
“mhm okay kris.”
a few minutes later, after your phone pinged with a text, you still couldn’t find your shirt, so you slip on one of kristie’s hoodies on your way out, not noticing the trail of hickies down the side of your neck...
~~
it’s later when you arrive at practice that your carelessness bites you in the ass.
you were warming up alongside abby, when your girlfriend arrives with sam and rose, the trio heavily conversing in a topic unknown to you.
your ears perked up immediately upon hearing your girlfriend’s voice, your eyes following her every step.
you blush a little when your eyes meet sam’s, this morning’s close call still fresh on your mind. 
the taller midfielder shoots you a smile and a wave, both of which you reciprocate. 
kristie and rose do the same, though kristie’s eyes linger on you for a little bit, which you realize is probably because you’re wearing her hoodie.
she meets your eyes again and you quirk your eyebrow up a little challengingly.
your girlfriend rolls her eyes and mouths: 
“you look hot.”
you smirk and do a little hair flip and mouth back, “i know”, all which earn a halfhearted eye roll from kristie. 
an exclamation from sonnett tears your vision away from your girlfriend.
“damn y/n that’s one hell of a mosquito!”
your eyes immediately shoot to sonnett’s face in panic, and from the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of kristie’s similar expression.
you clear your throat.
“what?”
sonnett makes her way to you and leans in to inspect your neck.
she points to the trail on your neck:
“these...things.” 
you swat her hands away. 
sonnett narrows her eyes. 
“wait a minute..”
you turn away abruptly and mouth a “sorry” to kristie. 
sonnett grabs your shoulders and spins you back around towards her. 
“...these are fresh! who’s defiling you during camp?!”
“i-“
“okay girls! time for practice!”
thank god for vlatko.
~~
unsurprisingly, you get swarmed again at lunch. 
by this point, everyone knows. 
kelley runs into you first. 
“alright so who are you banging?”
you roll your eyes. 
“i’m not banging anyone.”
kelley snorts as she grabs a salad. 
“yeah right. and i’m straight.” 
you roll your eyes again and ignore her, taking a seat at your typical table. 
kristie sits down next to you as soon as you get there. 
“hey.”
your mood almost immediately improves. 
“hey,” you grin back at her. 
the bashful smiles and exchanges aren’t missed by rose, who almost squeals in excitement across the room. 
she grabs sam’s arm, but realizing who’s she’s talking to, almost immediately drops it. 
sam gives her a weird look, but returns to her lunch nonetheless.
too caught up in staring at your girlfriend’s side profile, you almost scream when sonnett claps your back and leans over you. 
“emily sonnett! what is wrong with you!”
the defender just laughs. 
“what do you want?”
“you know what i want. who are you banging?”
kristie chokes on her bite of food next to you.  
“i told you already, no one.”
sonnett rolls her eyes and opts to question kristie, who’s currently coughing, instead. 
“hey you and y/n are close, do you know?”
kristie finishes coughing and locks eyes with you, smirking. 
“i don’t know y/n, who are you banging?”
you roll your eyes and stand up. 
“y’all are annoying.”
you throw away the remnants of your lunch and meet kristie’s eyes, who takes the hint and gets up too. 
unbeknownst to you, rose is watching your every move, and seeing the exchange, gets up to follow you. 
~~
as soon as the elevator door closes, you push kristie into the corner. 
“hey.”
kristie grins and gives you a kiss. 
“hey to you too.”
the two of you meet again, but you pull back after a few seconds. 
“do you think it’s time to tell them?”
 kristie sighs. 
“i don’t know, we could just have them figure it out themselves.”
“true. b-“
kristie shushes you. 
“less talking, more doing whatever we were doing before.”
you grin and comply, the two of you so caught up in kissing that you don’t hear the elevator doors open. 
“OH MY FUCKING GOD I KNEW IT!”
you spring apart so abruptly you hit your head on the wall. 
rose stands before you panting slightly, but more excited than anything. 
you furrow your brows in confusion. 
“how did- we took the elevator-“
kristie butts in. 
“di-did you run up the stairs?”
rose nods regretfully. 
“all six floors?”
she nods again. 
“but how did you-“
“okay enough about me!”
rose grabs your arms and pulls the two of you out of the elevator and into the hallway. 
“how long-”
you finish for her.
“-is my dick?”
kristie smacks your arm and rose rolls her eyes. 
you hold you hands up in defense. 
kristie shakes her head and pinches the bridge of her nose. 
“i’m dating a child.”
rose asks again. 
“how long have you been together?”
you grin and give kristie a kiss on the cheek before saying:
“a little over a month.”
rose squeals in excitement. 
“wait does sam know?”
“do i know what?”
the three of you spin around to see sam stepping out of the elevator with a confused look on her face. 
when you remain silent, she asks again. 
“what did i miss?”
rose saves the two of you.  
well. 
sort of. 
“we’re talking about y/n’s hickies! have you seen them?”
sam replies in the negative. 
she leans in and inspects your neck, and over her head you catch kristie’s glare directed at rose. 
“these are fresh! so it’s someone at camp!”
rose agrees with her. 
“that’s what i said! but she denies it!”
“y/n.” 
you look up at them.
“yes?”
“tell us.”
“nope.”
“please?”
“nope.”
~~
you should’ve known that they wouldn’t let you off the hook that quickly. 
team movie night was happening, and kristie knocked on your shared room a whole 30 minutes before it began. 
abby was the one who opened it. 
“oh kristie, hey, you know it doesn’t start for like another half an hour right?” 
you sneak up behind abby and grin. 
“she knows.”
abby’s eyes flicker between the two of you when it hits her. 
she makes an “oh” face and lets your girlfriend in.
“please don’t have sex while i’m here.” 
you assure her.
“don’t worry, wasn’t planning on it.”
luckily for you, your best friend wasn’t as pushy or nosy as the rest of the team was. 
you could tell there were questions she wanted to ask, but abby being abby, refrained from doing so. 
so all was well. 
for those thirty minutes. 
and then the rest of the team arrived. 
~~ 
“all in favor of skipping movie night for a non alcoholic version of never have i ever say aye!”
following kelley’s exclamation, a loud cacophony of “aye’s” could be heard throughout the room. 
you rolled your eyes. 
of course.
you turn towards your girlfriend who shrugs. 
“alright everyone make a circle make a circle!”
you get dragged by abby to sit next to her, across from kristie, who’s sitting next to sam. 
kristie meets your eyes and you both smile a little. 
then the game started. 
it was innocent enough at first. 
“okay never have i ever ridden a ferris wheel!”
everyone groans. 
“really sam?!”
“that’s so lame!”
and then after a few rounds it got interesting. 
“never have i ever dated a national team teammate!”
rose stared at you when she said it. 
you shoot her a glare and try to non conspicuously take a sip of your drink, kristie doing the same. 
“NO! KRISTIE!” sam exclaimed in shock. 
kristie rolled her eyes. 
“surprise?”
sam gave her a look that read we need to talk later.
you get the same treatment from the kids.
“wait y/n who have you dated?!”
“is that who gave you the hickies?!”
“is-“
you cut them off.  
“OKAY next one.”
suddenly sam stands up when her phone rings: 
“wait hold on pat’s calling me.”
everyone awws and sam rolls her eyes, before stepping out into the hallway to take the phone call.
kelley pipes in to continue and you groan when you hear it.
“never have i ever had sex in the past week.” 
you meet kristie’s eyes and both of you blush, grabbing your drinks along with tobin and christen.
“NO WAY! I-“
lindsey promptly slaps a hand over sonnett’s mouth to shut her up. 
it takes a second for it to click. 
then everyone starts talking at once. 
“I KNEW IT!”
“DAMN YOU’RE LUCKY SAM ISNT IN HERE!”
“IS THAT WHY YOU ASKED TO BORROW MY ROOM UGH GROSS!”
you yell at them to shut up. 
“OKAY!”
you look at kristie apologetically, who just shrugs and smiles at you. 
you look at everyone and say: 
“okay you get three questions collectively.”
christen pipes in first. 
“how long?”
kristie answers. 
“a little over a month-.”
sonnett cuts off the rest of your sentence.
“how the fuck did you keep it a secret for that long?!”
“is that your second question?”
everyone glares at the blonde defender almost immediately. 
“sorry sorry.”
“does sam know?”
you both shake your head.
“alright one question left.”
“how’s the sex?” 
that question is followed by a “kelley!” and a slap. 
kristie responds to it nonetheless, accompanying the end with a wink.
“great thanks for asking.”
you blush and the rest of the team gags.
“hey what’d i miss?”
oh right. sam. 
“we just finished up another round.”
“oh cool what was the question?”
“never have i ever had sex in the past week.”
sam scrunches up her face.
“that’s a boring one. i mean it would just be tobin and christen right?”
~~
a week later, she found out.
“WOULD ANYONE CARE TO EXPLAIN WHAT IVE JUST UNWILLINGLY WITNESSED?!!”
sam’s shriek wakes both of you up. 
your heart was hammering in your chest under the blanket you pulled over yourself.
kristie just groaned and pulled her pillow over her head.
“AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION!”
kristie mumbled under the pillow:
“surprise, we’re dating.”
sam’s face softened. 
“you’re dating?” 
kristie sat up. 
“yes. how’d you even get in this room?”
“jane gave me your keycard.”
“ah.”
“you’re really dating?”
“yes.”
sam claps happily. 
“i have to call pat now! we can go on double dates omg this’ll be so fun!”
sam sits down on the opposite bed and grins. 
“y/n you can stop hiding now.”
from under the covers you mumble:
“i’m not wearing anything.”
sam crinkles her nose in disgust. 
“okay never mind then.”
you take a peek at sam, who’s smiling widely and happily, and then at kristie, who’s watching you with a loving smile. 
seeing her, you temporarily forget sam’s there and give your girlfriend a quick kiss.
“hey.”
kristie smiles back.
“good morning you.”
sam’s watching the interaction with a shit eating grin, and when you move to kiss kristie again, she covers her eyes.
“ew y/n you just side boobed me.”
you flip her off and kiss your girlfriend anyway. 
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bleh-bleh-blehs · 3 years
Note
Hey ! So, you want some requests, here you go :
Fluff with Young!Sirius Black x (fem!(optional))reader
Reader absolutly love the rain, so much so, everytime it rain, she can't stop herself from going outside to be under the water (either dance or just standing heads up), always ended socking wet. I like to see what you think Sirius' reaction would be of seeing his s/o so in love with the rain after she come in class or in the dermatory drenched, and maybe helping her getting dry ?
Anyway, do as you feel more drawed to, I'm curious to see your writing !
Have a nice day !
- iwishtomeetinournextlife 🌧️
Thank you for requesting! <3 I am sorry for the delay. I am writting for Sirius Black for the first time. I did not use any specific pronouns so count it as gender neutral!reader
Young!Sirius Black x reader
word count:- 0.7k
You loved rain. You absolutely loved getting wet in the rain, you loved the smell of mud, loved the cold breeze, the rainbows.
You have been obsessed with going out in the rain since you were a child not caring about the aftermath which always resulted in you getting cold. It was always worth it. And of course the monsoon was one of your favorite reasons.
You never missed any rain showers, even in your school. Just like today, you were desperately waiting for the last lecture to end so that you could run out and enjoy the rain.
You made a beeline towards the school grounds as soon as the professor dismissed the class. Not caring if anyone was calling for you or not, you have been waiting all day for this.
~
You have been in the rain for thirty minutes when you heard a voice call you. There he stood a few paces away from you, your frustratingly hot and dashing boyfriend Sirius Black.
“How long have you been standing there?” you asked him.
“As long as you.” he answered, you could see a loving smile on his face. You loved the way he looked at you, it made you feel very special and loved.
“Do you want to come inside or stay for a while?” he asked but you knew that he was dying to throw you over his shoulder and run back inside where it is warm and dry.
Sirius never liked rain, he never really enjoyed getting wet in rain until it was something important like a quidditch match. But ever since you have confessed your love for the rain he made it his goal to be there with you when run like a child in the drizzle.
He either stood at the gates watching you from a distance or sometimes joined you.
You smiled and held out your hand for him to take, walking back to the castle. After all, you didn’t want your darling to be miserable.
You both practically ran towards your common as the cold air made you shiver, parting only to go to your separate dorms to change into something dry and warmer.
Once you changed your clothes you left to go to the common room with a fuzzy, warm blanket and waited for Sirius to emerge from his room. You both had made a habit to sit in front of the fireplace after your fun in the rain or whenever it was cold.
You waited for a while but when Sirius didn’t show up you decided to check up on him. You knocked at his dorm room door which was answered by very tired Remus. “Yes?” he asked.
“Is Sirius in there?” you inquired. “No, he left a while ago,” he answered.
“Oh, ok.” you gave him a smile before leaving for the common room again.
Now you are confused. Did Sirius forget about the cozy fireplace time? Or he came across an important task he couldn’t ignore? If he did then why didn’t he let you know? You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard your name being called.
At the bottom of the stairs stood Sirius, his hands holding two mugs.
“What are you doing there darling?”
“I was looking for you.” you started to descend stairs meeting him at the bottom. He smirked smugly. “Well, I’m right here.” he kissed your forehead. “C’mon, it’s out cozy fireplace time.” He led you to your usual spot near the fireplace where you had left your fuzzy blanket.
Setting the mugs down nearby, he sat down throwing the blanket on his one shoulder waiting for you to join him. You took your seat next to him snuggling at his side, while he wrapped the remaining blanket around you.
“Well you clearly left to get us some beverages.” you started. “Oh yes, your favorite.” he handed you one mug. “Thought it might ward off any remaining cold and i am here to warm up of course.” he placed a small kiss on your nose.
“Ughh, you guys are so sweet it makes me want to vomit.”
“You had to ruin our perfect moment, right Prongs?”
“Oh no Paddy, just consider this as a payback for ruining the moment between me and Lily flower!” he exclaimed. Sirius rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to you.
There was one more reason for why you loved the rain because of it you can always ask for more cuddles and special treatment from Sirius.
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goldenshoyo · 3 years
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Summary: You’ve always felt a connection to Kageyama Tobio, and he’s always taken advantage of that. Even knowing this, you can’t help but come to him each time he gives you the tiniest bit of attention.
Warnings: Mean and possessive Tobio, fem!reader, choking, degradation, finger sucking, 1 face slap, senpai kink, a sprinkle of angst, friends to lovers kinda, (let me know if I missed any)
Word count: 2.6k
A/n: This was supposed to be a short drabble but I uh couldn't stop writing so here we are with a full-length fic. Thank you so much @terushimooo for being my beta, I appreciate it and you sm <3 <3
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It’s ridiculous, you know that, looking down at your phone screen while the world comes to a halt. Whatever story your friend has begun telling, you couldn’t care less as you see his name pop up on your phone accompanied with the latest picture you snagged of him when he was sleeping after the last time you met up.
The way he makes you feel is dangerous. Ever since high school, whenever Kageyama Tobio beckoned, you would come crawling to him like an abused puppy; even when your friends begged you not to. He was clearly an addiction, and one you had no intention of seeking treatment for.
“Dude!” Your friend snaps at you. “Anyone there?” She dramatically taps on your forehead and you smack her hand away as the phone call ends, sending him to voicemail.
Fuck. He calls again, your phone vibrating on your lap again.
“Yeah, sorry. I just need to take this,” you tell her and excuse yourself from the table; ignoring the look she gives you as you go.
“Hello, Sorry-”
“Why didn’t you answer the first time I called?” The irritation cuts through you, instantly making you regret not excusing yourself earlier.
“Sorry, I was with a friend and needed a minute.”
“Okay. Anyway, I’m in town for a few days. Lucky for you, I’m free all day and night.”
You sigh, leaning against the brick wall of the coffee shop. “I have plans today. I can’t just abandon my friends, Tobio. I don’t know why-”
“Do you really have something better to do than letting me fuck you?” The chuckle that follows is dreadfully delicious.
“Why would you say that,” you spit back. “That’s so rude, Tobio. What’s gotten into you?” He’s always been like this, so you’re not sure why you ask.
“You know I’m right,” another laugh. “I’m in room 504 at the normal place. Oh! Wear that pretty little blue thing you had one last time. I liked it. See you in… let's say an hour?” He hangs up before you can answer.
You lock your phone, slipping it into your jacket pocket before going back to sit with your friend.
You can’t resist him, never passing up the opportunity to have him split you in half. It just feeds his ego, making him more forward and prone to taking advantage of your feelings for him. And, every single time, you let him.
“I suspect you’ll be leaving now?” She raises an eyebrow at you, the rest of her face looking exasperated and disappointed in you.
“Please,” you beg, “leave it alone.”
“Stop letting that man-child take advantage of you!” She says as you stand up. “This time at least make him buy you a fucking meal.” Her taunting laugh lingers as you walk out of the shop.
She’s right, you do need to stop putting him in front of anything else whenever he feels like popping back into your life. However, it doesn’t stop you from going home and slipping into the dark blue lingerie he mentioned, or fixing your hair and touching up your makeup that he’ll inevitably ruin and mock you for. How could you resist that? Every time you think about the smile on his lips while his thumb smears your mascara with your tears after making you choke on his cock, your thighs burn and your stomach fills with butterflies. It’s impossible to resist.
His location is still saved in your GPS from a few weeks ago. The Adlers always stay in the same hotel so you’ve never had to delete it. The burning between your thighs is embarrassing, but fueling your confidence.
In the past, you were a nervous wreck when it came to fucking Tobio, but after years and years of this same arrangement, you’ve finally become comfortable enough to never worry about it.
Parking in the guest lot, you lock your car and enter the lobby. You don’t see anyone you recognize, making it easier to hurry through to the elevator and to Tobio. Knocking on the door you anxiously wait for him to answer, hoping none of his teammates happen to pass by and see you waiting by his room again. It’s too many times to count.
“Took you long enough,” he grumbles as the door swings open and he pulls you in by your wrist, making you trip over your feet and into his chest.
“Fuck, at least I came here. You weren’t very nice to me on the phone,” you tell him before pushing yourself away.
“You didn’t answer me when I called. I was obviously irritated,” he shrugs pushing you back onto the bed so you’re sitting at the edge.
Letting your purse drop to the floor you remove off your jacket and toss it to the side as well. Tobio pulls his shirt off before kissing you and pushing you down against the bed fully. His bodyweight on yours feels so familiar and warm, you can’t help but moan already. It’s frustrating how your body reacts to him, clinging to him like he’s your life support when he’s around. You bite his bottom lip gently and he hisses before sliding his hands underneath your shirt. Feeling the lace beneath his fingers, he pulls away and smiles.
“Good girl,” he coos. You sit up to let him pull the shirt off your body, his lips attack your neck first. Making his way down your shoulder, and then your collarbone, you whine each time his teeth sink into your soft skin.
“Tobio, please,” you beg.
He’s not touching you as much as usual, and it’s infuriating. You’re aching for him, and you had hoped his irritation would have pushed past his liking of extended foreplay. Apparently, it’s just made him want to tease you more. The light pinches on your nipples between his thumb and forefinger barely do enough to perk them up.
“Why are you taking so long?” You reach out, palming him through his sweatpants and finding he’s already hard.
“Can you please shut up,” he growls, pushing you down by your shoulders and slipping his pants off. Sitting up on your elbows you smile seeing he’s decided to go commando for this. He rolls his eyes watching you gawk at him before stroking himself once.
“Tobio, please. Don’t make me beg for you.” You squeeze your thighs together before lifting your ass up enough to slip the shorts off your body. “I even wore your favorite set. Pretty please, Senpai.”
The smirk that takes over his previous unamused expression sets butterflies loose in your stomach. He always liked being called Senpai, even if he was just a year ahead of you. You can’t deny it also makes you feel something more, feeling dirty when you say it as he strokes his cock with his pretty hands.
“I like when you beg.” His free hand grips your thigh, squeezing tight and making you squirm. “But, you are being a little less annoying than usual. So,” he holds his middle and forefinger up to your lips and you part them for him. “Good girl.”
Sucking slowly and keeping eye contact with him, you let him force them in until you’re choking while squeezing your fists together so tight you think you might break the skin of your palm. He pulls them out and laughs, using your saliva to coat his cock.
“More,” you pout wanting to have his fingers in your mouth again. You’re not sure why you like it so much. But, something about the way it makes you feel so small and so below him, you crave that more and more each time. His hand connects with your cheek in one and your face stings before you feel warmth replace it.
“Just because I was nice once, doesn’t mean you get to start acting greedy no. Got it?” You nod, your fingers reaching up to touch the warm skin. “Now flip over, I’m getting impatient.”
You pull your loose shirt over your head as you turn over, elbows and forearms holding you up as Tobio slides your shorts off your body and pushes your thong to the side. He holds it there with his thumb, the rest of his fingers digging into your skin.
“Senpai!” You cry out while his fingers prod at your hole, thumb teasing your clit.
“Fuck,” he chuckles leaning over your body, breath teasing your neck. “You’re already soaking wet down here. I don’t think I need to prep you at all. What a treat,” he hisses the back of your neck before his fingers are replaced with the head of his cock.
It stings, stretching your walls with every inch until he’s fully sheathed inside of you. He holds your hips tightly, not moving. Sneaking a peek behind you, you see his head is falling back with his lips parted as he enjoys your tight warmth. Falling forward, you force him to start thrusting so he can get back inside of you fully. He’s always so rough, balls slapping against your cunt every time he thrusts.
He pushes down on your hip, and you remember the bruise from bumping into a counter corner at work. You whimper, the pain tolerable and making your body burn with ecstasy as he fucks you. He presses harder, this time you turn back to look at him and he looks irritated.
Only Kageyama Tobio could possibly look this miserable while fucking someone.
You roll your eyes and focus on the feeling of his thick cock dragging against your walls and hitting the bottom of your cervix. The room fills with the sounds of heavy breathing, moans, and of course, the almost comical sound of skin slapping. It’s fast, the first one always is. A mix of desperation and built-up tension destroying any sense of self-control he had before. The only thing that matters to him now is filling you up.
“G-gonna,” you cry out, “cum. Tobio please!”
He slaps your ass, hissing something that sounds like ‘it’s senpai’ through a moan. His erratic thrusting signals he’s close too. You clench around his cock when it hits that spot that always forces tears to brim around your eyes. You cum, crying out his name into the mattress while he fucks you harder, chasing his own orgasm. When he finally finished, he tightens his grip on your hips, grunting and holding you still against him before pushing you back and forth twice to milk out the rest of his high.
Throwing himself down onto the mattress beside you makes your body bounce before you crawl up closer to him. He’s warm, but not sweaty. His stamina is truly something he should be proud of. While you know this wasn’t long, it was intense. Anyone else would be tired by now. Your core aches at the thought of another round, but you savor the sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of his skin against your cheek while he strokes your hair as he mindlessly stares up at the ceiling of the hotel room.
“So,” he says awkwardly. The tone of his voice is different from usual. Normally he becomes softer, more willing to treat you like an actual person and not some piece of meat he uses to get off every time he makes it back home. “Who gave you that bruise?”
Turning to look up at him, you see he’s not breaking eye contact with the ceiling. He’s jealous.
“Who?” you giggle sitting up and poking his side. “What’s it matter?”
“Well,” he sighs through gritted teeth. “I’d like to know, that’s why it matters.”
“Who I fuck in my free time isn’t your business, Tobio.” You’re just teasing him, but it’s true. Why is he so concerned with what you do outside of this room? He’s never cared before.
“It is when you’re still fucking me.” He shouts, anger taking over and he rolls to his side before sitting up and getting off the bed. “You’re mine! I don’t know how you don’t have that through your thick skull already!”
Your mouth drops open with how intense he is now, looking at you with wild blue eyes and running his hands through his dark hair. His body is tense, no longer relaxed to be around you. He turns away, picking up his sweats and pulling them over his body. He’s still close enough to touch, but you’re hesitant.
He’s never shown this much interest in you beyond hooking up. You always assumed he was fucking others while away, even if he would call you at odd hours of the day when traveling, begging you to help him get off over the phone.
“If you don’t get that by now, we can’t keep doing this.” He turns back around, his cheeks turning pink and his eyes glossy. “You can go if you want.”
“Stop,” you grab his arm and pull him down closer to you. His face is right in front of yours, your noses nearly touching. “I don’t want to go. I want to stay here with you. But, I can’t keep doing this if you’re going to keep yelling at me.”
“I won’t yell at you anymore.” He says softly, his cheeks a deeper pink now. “I’m sorry.”
He pulls away and you yearn for the closeness again. You hold onto his arm as he sits beside you, leaning your head on his shoulder. “The bruise in question is from hitting it on a counter at work a few days ago. I ran into the corner of it.”
“Idiot,” he scoffs, laughter following shortly.
“You’re the idiot who got jealous of a bruise.” You say softly, knowing not to push him too hard.
While he’s always put on this tough exterior, you see now it’s easy to crack through when he feels like he’s not the only one in your sex life.
“Whatever,” he looks down at you and kisses your forehead. “Don’t expect flowers and chocolates from me. But, just so you know, you’re the only one I’m seeing.” He tilts your chin up to make you look into his eyes. “I’d appreciate being the only one you’re seeing too.”
You sigh, pulling away. “I’m not promising you anything. It’s been this way for what, six years now? If you don’t want me to actually be your girlfriend, then you can’t control who I do and don’t fuck.”
“God fucking dammit,” he throws himself back against the bed. “Can you please work with me here? I’m really trying to ask you out, ya know?”
You frown, smacking his leg. “I’ve been working with you for few years. You could be nicer and more direct.”
“I’m not nice.” He spits back. “It’s not like you’re easy to read, either. You could act interested in me. You never call or text.”
“You never call or text me unless you want something!”
“It’s the only time I get your attention!”
You’re not sure why it happens, but you both start laughing. Laughing hard enough you double over on the bed, clenching onto your stomach. It’s ridiculous, you think, the way you both have been fighting this internal battle of what you want and what you pretend to want when you’re with one another.
“Well, since I have nothing better to do than let you fuck me…” you tease, “I guess I have nothing better to do than let you date me.”
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sodamnbored · 3 years
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Jason and Juno
I just want to talk about them. I have so many feelings and I can’t find anyone else that cares about them. But, like, why not?
Because Rick ignored Jason in HoO and I still haven’t got my Roman prequels, that’s why.
I freaking love Jason anyway and I always have. And I admit, reading original PJO, I wasn’t the biggest fan of Hera, but we weren’t really supposed to be I don’t think. But Juno? Nah man, Juno is cool.
Everybody seems to write her off because she’s Hera and we all know Hera sucks, and obviously Percy and Annabeth don’t like Hera so makes sense that we kinda subconsciously take their lead. But Juno is cool - and I will absolutely fight that corner forever. It’s like, Ares was kinda a dick in many regards, but Mars was a good dad to Frank, Mars was cool too.
Juno was one of the only gods interested in actively helping demigods, particularly her favoured ones, sure, but she still tried to help. And she obviously cared about them too. Not just Jason, it was very evident she liked Leo a lot too (and I love that too). And we know - at least from ToA - that she had a soft spot for Frank too (and honestly who can blame her).
But yeah, so I actually dig Juno in HoO. She helped out, she was awesome, she was actively nice at least to Jason.
So that’s the first thing to get over. Hate Hera if you want to - but let me convince you that Juno is better. Re-read the books and look for her being nice and cool. Because it’s there.
On top of that though, the relationship between Juno and Jason just makes me so happy and warm. I love it so much, even though I haven’t seen anyone else that seems to care.
Jupiter was at least as much of a dick as Zeus was - that’s something everyone agrees on I think. And I think a lot of us if not everyone can agree that he was a worse dad to Jason than he was to Thalia. And maybe that’s because he washed his hands of responsibility for him after he gifted Jason to Juno. (Dick move btw.) but either way, he basically ignored Jason his entire life and throughout HoO. He was hands down one of the most distant godly parents of the seven and of a lot of main heroes we’ve followed in the series’. So Jason couldn’t really depend on him for help or guidance an awful lot and basically felt like he didn’t have a father. But at least he had Juno.
Juno was a good patron to him. She helped him where she could. She actively and genuinely cared about him. She tried to make herself available for chats when he needed them as much as she could. Gave him presents (his gladius) and praise when he did well, pep talks for what was ahead. As pseudo foster mothers go, she really wasn’t bad. Closest thing Jason had to a parent, and yeah, he could’ve had worse. He did have worse with his alcoholic slightly off the rails actual mother who gave him away, and had worse in a dad who never spoke to him or saw him or lifted a finger to help him until the very last second and who also gave him away. I kinda gotta figure after that kind of treatment from both your actual parents, getting what he got from his patron was probably very appreciated.
And Juno/Hera is the goddess of marriage and family among other things. Throughout the series it’s pretty much her biggest hang up. And obviously she wasn’t always the best mother (poor Hephaestus) to her actual kids, but she kinda held Olympus together. Stopped them all tearing each other apart. Family was important to her and something she valued. Obviously she hated when her husband cheated on her and had someone else’s kids. Honestly? That’s pretty reasonable to be unhappy about. But she watched the rest of her family, literally forever, having kids willy nilly when they wanted to. Obviously Artemis didn’t, but she didn’t want kids and she had the hunters so that’s fine. For someone that loves family so much, it’s very possible she could’ve been a little envious of everyone else having huge families. She still had her Olympian family, but maybe she would’ve liked to have some demigods of her own, if it didn’t involve cheating which she just won’t do. She favoured original Jason and was his patron too, so she was happy enough to adopt them, but it still wasn’t something she did often. So she didn’t get a lot of mortal kids and might’ve felt like she was missing out. But at least she had Jason.
So, being given another little adopted demigod, hell yeah she probably loved mothering him. He was totally her kid. He didn’t have any parent or family to be there for him, she didn’t have any demigod kids of her own and knew she never will. That’s hella cute that they can adopt each other.
Everyone loves found families lately - well this is basically that. Kinda forced at first but doesn’t mean they wouldn’t grow to love each other. They helped each other, could depend on each other. Juno is literally the patron of Rome as well. So even if Jason hadn’t known from the off that he’d been given to Juno, he’d have still had the sense that she had his back along with the rest of Rome, so he might’ve asked for a little help or guidance before HoO, maybe while he was Praetor too. And Juno being New Rome’s patron would’ve probably kept an eye over Camp Jupiter and especially when Jason rose to Praetor she could’ve been paying more attention to him from then. Watched out for him during the Titan War.
I want to know more about them. Especially if Jason was fully aware that she was his patron the whole time before HoO. I want them to have had some sort of relationship. I want them to like each other at least a little. Nico and Hades got closer eventually. Percy and Poseidon (and honestly a bunch of the gods) got on well. Mars adored Frank. Aphrodite seems pretty cuddly with her kids in general. I don’t think it’d be a terrible stretch for Juno and Jason to have each other’s backs.
I want to know if Jason ever made offerings for her along with Jupiter. Burnt food at CHB for her as well as his dad.
I want to know if Juno ever helped him out on earlier quests at all, whether he knew it or not. If she ever gave him and maybe Reyna too, sort of a Praetor deal, counsel.
I want to see Juno fully lean into having Jason as her favourite, as her chosen hero. I want to see her lend some power to him when he needs it. I want to see Jason with the Blessing of Juno. How many demigods would’ve ever gotten that? That’s unheard of. I want it for him. I want to see him marching on Mount Othrys to take down Krios and topple the throne, not with the blessing of Jupiter (although I would also love to see him with that, that would be so cool!) but with the blessing of Juno, patron of Rome. I wanna see him monologuing Krios into intimidation like he did to the giants: I'm the son of Jupiter, I'm a child of Rome, consul to demigods, praetor of the First Legion. I slew the Trojan sea monster, I have the blessing of Juno: Patron of Rome. And she also happens to be my stepmom, dick.
I talked about it in another post before, him getting her blessing. Supposedly with her Roman counterpart she’s supposed to be militaristic, strategic, etc. A blessing from his dad would be like an explosion of power, don’t get me wrong. It’d be like Thor in Infinity War. Magnificent. He could totally burst into the palace and fry Krios and destroy the throne. But I think it’d also be pretty damn awesome if he got zapped with her blessing and became like the ultimate military leader (kind of like Frank with Mars’ blessing I suppose, but more strategic instead of hitting the protein shakes), leading the troops in the invasion and being a total Praetor before he even became Praetor.
Side note: It’s probably not possible but can you imagine if he got blessings from both of them?? I doubt you can have two at a time, but that would be spectacular if he did. Especially from Jupiter and Juno. He would be incredibly powerful, no wonder the Legion made a big deal out of him in the early part of the series. Always was a little disappointed we never got to see cool Roman Jason. I love Jason, I do, but he wasn’t exactly what we heard about in The Lost Hero and Son of Neptune. It never felt like we saw his full potential. So I’m just gonna sit in my corner and dream it up instead lol.
Anyway, this was purely for me because I have a lot of feelings about these two and I couldn’t find anything about them at all or not anything positive. But if anyone else likes them or has ideas or there is stuff you can point me to, please do, I want to get involved in it and find people that are into this so bad!
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queen-beefcake-sqx · 2 years
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I hate to defend shi wudu ever but in his defence thats his baby sibling. Perpetual baby disorder. But also no one else should be doing that and even then eventually ya older siblings gotta realize thats a whole adult now but like...
Okay so like I started typing this at work and then finished it at home because I have a lot of Thoughts and Opinions(™) about Shi Wudu and his treatment of Shi Qingxuan, in every aspect of their relationship. Full disclosure: I’m coming at this as an only child, but my girlfriend is a baby trans sibling and we’ve talked about this take a few times.
Shi Wudu’s greatest fault is never treating Shi Qingxuan like an adult. Shi Qingxuan’s entire life through the Black Water arc is defined by things other people have chosen for her. Her family cursed her to misfortune when they fail to heed the fortuneteller’s words. Her brother caused the fate swap to bring her into the heavens with him for her own good, and keeps her under literal lock and key when he thinks she might be in danger. And all of these things are understandable as a older sibling who had to watch his younger sibling suffer in her childhood, sure, but in my opinion the level of protectiveness becomes manipulative and belittling as she gets older. He denies Shi Qingxuan her personhood. He denies her ability to choose how she lives her life out of fear she will be hurt. It’s no wonder Shi Qingxuan freezes when He Xuan gives her his ultimatum choice during the Black Water arc - how could she make a choice that would alter her entire life when she’s never been allowed to decide for herself how she lives? (Ignoring also the whole “I don’t want to kill my brother” thing, which is another layer but I think narratively less interesting to discuss when there’s a LOT more going on in that scene then just that). Hell, for all we know of heaven, even obtaining the title Wind Master was something given to her instead of something she chose for herself. This is why I headcanon SQX as a trans girl - because the only significant part of her life she picks for herself is to use her feminine form, despite how her brother feels about it. I don’t think it’s insignificant that she mentions being unable to change forms when Xie Lian finds her again in the capital. She misses it! It was important to her! Wind powers be damned, let her have the body she wants!
In the end, do I think Shi Wudu is acting protectively out of a genuine concern for SQX’s safety? Totally, absolutely, big big sibling vibes. Do I think that he’s being harmful to her through those actions? Also absolutely, 100%, and I don’t think he even realizes how much harm he causes her beyond just the fate swap. And ultimately that protectiveness dooms him, too.
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