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empaths-hsp · 4 years

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7 ‘Rules’ for Highly Sensitive People to Protect Their Energy

Anyone is welcome in my world, but there are a few rules, because I’m choosing to no longer be manipulated or shamed for being sensitive.

I am a highly sensitive person, and if I’m being honest, it’s not easy being me. I am not like other people, and sometimes I don’t fit in. I have little patience for shallow conversation, arbitrary rules, loud, disorganized environments, hate, or purposeful unkindness. I can “feel” it when we connect, and I am very aware when we don’t. I am interested in conversations that get to the root of things. I am not interested in listening to what you think I want to hear.

However, I haven’t always been able to express these preferences. I grew up believing I was too sensitive. I formed thick barriers around myself to guard against emotion. Emotion, in my world, could and would be used against me.

Unfortunately, blocking out mad or sad feelings also blocks out happy ones. At that point in my life, I was not a happy person. Trying to fit in and make people like me was exhausting. I was not able to say no, simply because I wanted approval — and I ended up resenting the demands that I allowed others to make on me.

A Life-Changing Realization

Later in life, I learned that I’m a highly sensitive person — and this changed everything for me. To put it simply, everyone has a sensitive side, but roughly 1 in 5 people are more sensitive than others, or what researchers call highly sensitive people (HSPs). HSPs tend to process information very deeply, which can make them quite gifted — but it also means they “burn through” a lot of mental energy. Too much stimulation completely drains them.

(Wondering if that might be you? Here are the signs you are a highly sensitive person.)

Today, I’m working toward living a more authentic life, and that starts with self-care. Despite all the photos brightly splashed around Instagram, “self-care” was a new term for me. I’ve since learned that good self-care isn’t just a bubble bath — it’s also about setting the right boundaries. Anyone is welcome in my world, but there are a few rules. I’m choosing not to be manipulated, guilted, or shamed into doing things that don’t align with my vision for a healthy life.

You know the craziest part? I have way better relationships and a stronger sense of belonging now. So here are seven “rules” I follow that I hope will help you, too.

7 ‘Rules’ for Sensitive People

1. If you’re not nice, you cannot come here.

For HSPs, other human beings are the brightest thing on their mental radar, all on account of their brain wiring. So when someone makes passive-aggressive comments, I notice. I usually don’t acknowledge it, but you better believe I caught it. Likewise, when the conversation veers toward gossip, it can be so easy to get sucked into the negativity, and it always makes me feel awful just for having participated in any way. And, if you talk down to me or make me feel judged for not liking what you like, that’s not okay either.

Sure, I will be gracious to you if we come in contact, but you are not welcome in my home, nor will I attend one of your functions. The energy that emanates from negativity is like poison to HSPs, and it’s dangerous for our mood and outlook to absorb. So I avoid these people at all costs.

2. No takers.

Highly sensitive people are givers by nature. Empathetic and caring, we want to help whenever possible. But there will always be some people who abuse our generosity. These people are called takers, according to psychologist Adam Grant, and they focus only on getting as much as they can from others. Spending too much time with them actually makes me feel physically sick from the exhaustion.

You know the type. These are the ones who always want something, are always complaining, or are always playing the victim. Or the one who always has to one-up you: “Well, if you think that’s bad, you should hear about what happened to me.” These people will suck you dry of your mental and physical energy if you allow them to. If they could, they would have you taking their children to soccer practice and making them dinner while they’re at the spa!

3. Stop the glorification of busy.

We live in a culture that glorifies being busy. If you’re not constantly running around, getting things done, then you’re not productive, maybe even lazy. However, this is not the case, especially for highly sensitive people, who need more downtime than others to recharge. If you’re constantly run down, can’t commit to anything, don’t have time to help out a friend once in a while, or are continuously stressed and frazzled, it’s time to reevaluate. Ask yourself: Are you living life the way you want to, or do you feel as if you’re spinning like a top and barely hanging on for dear life? Do you do things you enjoy, even just occasionally?

I used to think I had to prove my worthiness with a rundown of all my appointments, soccer games, clubs, Society of Martyrs meetings, etc. Now, I am delightfully, unapologetically un-busy. I take time to drink a cup of tea and play with my kids. You want to meet for coffee? Sure, I got time. As a highly sensitive person, I love meaningful conversations over a hot beverage.

And yes, of course, I have a million things to do, but I have prioritized and eliminated the things from my to-do list that don’t fit with my vision for my life — or at least my vision for today. Some days are busy and it can’t be helped. I acknowledge that. I’m not saying you should quit your job and stop feeding your kids! Obviously, some things are mandatory.

But seriously, prioritize. Your worthiness is not attached to your productivity, so don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

4. ‘No’ is a complete answer.

You don’t need a reason to say “no.” People almost never ask why. If saying no right away feels too uncomfortable, buy yourself some time to answer. For example:

Pushy PTA lady: “Can you make three dozen cupcakes for the bake sale?”

You: “Wow, I’d love to help with the bake sale, but I should check my schedule first. I’ll get back to you.”

This gives you time to give it some thought. Maybe you do want to do it. But if you don’t, it gives you time to come up with an alternative solution, like purchasing cupcakes rather than baking them.

If someone will not take no for an answer, it might be time to sit down and discuss boundaries. I find this happens most often within families. If you fail to lay out boundaries, trust me, you will live in resentment. I know, because I’ve been there. Having an honest conversation can be hard, especially for us highly sensitive people since conflict can be overstimulating for us. But, in the long run, resentment can be much harder on a relationship than an honest conversation.

(If you have trouble saying no, here are some tips.)

5. It’s okay to feel “too much.”

Especially right now, this world can feel so sad, broken, and lonely, and nobody feels that deeper than a highly sensitive person. But as sensitive people, we may bottle up our true feelings because we don’t want others to think we’re “too much” — and this is dangerous. Obviously, there is a time and a place for everything. The important thing is to make space to process your feelings.

If you’re not sure how to do that, start with journaling, which can be especially helpful for HSPs during troubled times. Trust me, feelings that go unacknowledged don’t just disappear. They lay dormant and come out in ways that are almost always negative and destructive. Have you ever snapped at your spouse and thought, where in the world did that come from? Maybe it was because he forgot to bring home that loaf of bread — last week — and you were still holding onto anger. Journaling will help you process your emotions, everything from frustration with your spouse to anxiety about the world at large.

6. Read a little every day.

I know I’m not the only highly sensitive person who drinks in books. I need words like I need food. There were many years when I did not make the time to read. I thought it was selfish.

But reading is the kind of downtime that soothes and informs. It’s a win-win. There’s nothing better than the connectedness that happens when words written decades, or even centuries, ago speak to one’s heart and remind us that we are not alone.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Subscribe here.

7. Not everything is about you.

Dear sensitive soul, you are different. You process things differently and more fully than others do. You are going to pick up on things that are not meant for you.

I wish someone had told me these words years ago. I used to take things very personally until I realized that the moods and attitudes of others rarely have anything to do with me. This was a lightbulb moment for me because I didn’t realize that most people don’t notice as much as I do. Now that I know, I can put things in perspective and let them go. She may not have answered my text because she’s busy, not because she’s angry at me, I tell myself.

Alternatively, others won’t always pick up on the signals that I put out. I used to think I was being obvious about my needs, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t stating them clearly. Learning how to speak up for my needs was a real turning point for me. And with that came the realization that people are not going to love me in the same way that I love them — in a way that only a highly sensitive person can — but that doesn’t mean their love is less.

HSP, it’s not selfish to care for yourself. It’s not selfish to schedule downtime. When you have rules that protect your energy, you are at your best for the people who need you. You will find yourself more willing and able to be generous without feeling resentful.

Find ways that work for you that get you closer to your vision of the life you want. If people and situations make you uncomfortable, there is a reason for that. Trust those instincts, because they will help you create the life you want.

You might like:

How Highly Sensitive People Can Stop Saying Yes When They Want to Say No

8 Tips for HSPs to Take ‘Little’ Things Less Personally

These 21 Things Stress Out Highly Sensitive People the Most

The post 7 ‘Rules’ for Highly Sensitive People to Protect Their Energy appeared first on Highly Sensitive Refuge.

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#Empaths #Introverts #Highly Sensitive People #Tips

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skarletfantasy · 2 years

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Favorite Games from PAX East 2022

I was able to attend Thursday and Friday this year!

Here are my favorite games that I played because I want to talk about them and for as many people as possible to know about them:

(Steam Link)

BELOW THE CUT: My ramblings on each of the above games, and some honorable mentions.

I’m not a reviewer by any means so this is really just me rambling.

Chants of Sennaar This was one of those games where I saw the cover art and was just drawn in. I sat down in the empty seat and the developer asked me if I knew what the game was about. (I’m assuming it was his game anyway; no introductions were exchanged.) I said something along the lines of “no, but it looks beautiful,” and he laughed and thanked me. He gave me a basic rundown of the game and how to play and throughout my playing he kept coming back over to say something else, which was a bit annoying at times but he was very nice. This wasn’t one of the games that draws me in with nice cover art and then disappoints me. I loved playing it and I can’t wait to buy the full game. Overall the visuals were very nice to look at and the gameplay was intriguing. There are only two negative things I can think of about it, and these are small, but firstly the characters themselves look a little out of place. I can’t quite place my finger on why they look odd or how they could look better; they don’t quite mesh well with the world, or something. Gameplay wise I wish I could refer back to or take notes on what the characters say, but that could just be because my memory is pretty poor and the majority of players won’t have the same problem. I’ll probably just use a pen and paper while playing to help me. The developer asked if I had any thoughts or suggestions and I told him about how I’d like a way to refer back to old lines of dialogue to help me but I’m not sure how well I articulated that and if it would be a gameplay improvement or if it would make the game too easy. What I’d want a note-taking feature for isn’t something that’s required to play the game anyway. I just tend to get really engrossed. I wanted to subscribe to their newsletter but taking a photo of the qr code did not save the link...

(A little humble brag: I was taking my time playing, even wasting my time at some points really exploring the world, but I finished the demo in 32 minutes which was apparently the second-fastest time. There were 2 days left of PAX still so I doubt I’ll keep that title but it was still a nice feeling.)

The Big Con This game had so much charm to it and it was fun to play. There was a second demo option that I wanted to try but there were other people waiting and I didn’t want to hog it. This game is actually out now.

Potion Permit I was playing Curse of the Sea Rats which was at the same booth but what I really wanted to play was this game. It immediately caught my eye and I hopped over to it before I finished the rats game. (Which I did also really like and will probably pick up at some point.) It was one of those demos that didn’t seem to have an end goal and didn’t have a timer on it so at one point I just stopped myself, which was difficult to do. The guy at the booth said that was a good choice because I wouldn’t want to get too invested in a save file I will never again have access too, haha.

Mercury Abbey Aaaaaaaaaaah I really wanted to keep playing why does the expo hall close at 6 that’s way too earlyyyyyyyy (This game really charming and I’m definitely going to buy it. The demo is on steam if you want to give it a try.)

Trek to Yomi This demo always had a small crowd of people around it when I went past on Thursday, so Friday I got to the convention at 8:30 (doors opened at 10) to head straight to this game first thing. The two stations were taken but I only had to wait less than 10 minutes. Despite playing on the easiest setting, I kept dying. I’m no pro gamer or anything but I'm no newbie either. This game is challenging. (If someone has tips on the best way to kill the guys with the hats each time without taking any damage please let me know.) It was hard to stop playing because it’s so engrossing and beautiful to look at and rewarding when you do cut those bad guys down. The demo wasn’t timed so ended up playing for about 30 minutes (sorry, dudes waiting behind me) before finally giving up at what seemed like what might be the last part of the demo. I’d love to pick it up when it releases so I can play without the pressure of playing in a public space, haha.

Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising APPARENTLY this is the second game in a series. Now I got two new games I need to play.

Dordogne Saw it and was drawn to it. Super cute. Beautiful visuals. Calming gameplay. Some grammar errors. Gave me Unfinished Swan vibes. Gonna buy it.

The Wreck Thursday there were always too many people standing around looking like they were waiting but I wanted to play it badly enough that Friday early on (might have been right after Trek to Yomi) I waited. The dude there before me was so ecstatic about it and had a lot to say to the developer when he finished the demo that I had to ask him to move to the side so I could play. The developer asked me what I thought and I wish I was even a fraction as articulate about the guy who played before me, but yeah. I liked it.

Lumote A puzzle game. Looks nice and I enjoyed what I played of it. Could have kept playing but sometimes you gotta remember you’re at a convention and there’s probably a line forming behind you so you should stop.

Melon Journey Super cute and quirky. I didn’t play it too long but I would like to buy it.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Diluvian Winds This game reminded me of Spiritfarer which reminds me I need to get back to Spiritfarer.

Curse of the Sea Rats I was playing this one solo but you can play with 4 players and two other people joined in which was alright but also they messed up my mojo. (Not their fault as I had been playing and they had no idea what was going on.) We eventually got the boss. The guy at the booth said not many people beat the boss and said he appreciated us playing that far. I liked it but I was eyeing Potion Permit the whole time. Eventually I passed my controller to another dude who was watching and the three of them played for a while longer. Not sure how long the demo was, it seemed to keep going. I’d like to play this with my friends.

Dwerve It’s a tower defense game. I don’t play tower defense games. And yet I want to play this game.

Beneath Orsea I don’t care for card-based combat but I liked this one.

#pax east #pax east 2022 #video games #just talkin to myself here #long ass post #esp after the cut #I'm procrastinating on something else can you tell #I tried ordering the top 10 and honorable mentions but a few can be switched around #I'm not great at ranking things #favorites at the top btw #I think I might not have bought all the games I was excited for from pax 2020 #yet #I also made a list of all the other games demos I played and wish I had time to play but decided to delete that part of this post #make it a little shorter lol #tumblr desktop puts the cut where I don't want it that's so dumb #it's in the proper place on mobile

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zillowcondo · 7 years

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This & That: August 11, 2017

Books

—Cooking for Picasso: A Novel by Camille Aubray

After reading this post of my favorite 10 French books earlier this week, a reader shared a few of her own and one which I had not heard of, so I wanted to share. Cooking for Picasso was released this past June and involves French cooking, a bit of mystery and a dash of romance. Spanning three generations, it is young Céline whose grandmother cooked for Picasso in 1936, and it is Céline who upon learning of her grandmother’s story, decides to make a trip to the small village in France where it took place. Let the plot begin!

—The French Gardener: A Novel by Santa Montefiore

While written in 2009, my local book shop recommended this novel as an ideal summer escape for the Francophile. Involving a young couple who purchases a French country home that needs much love and care, it is a charming Frenchman who arrives to help them work with Mother Nature. Along the way much more is discovered about this mysterious gentleman, and the lessons of love and life come forth.

—Local Eats Paris: A Traveler’s Guide by Natasha McGuinness

Released this past May, discover the highly recommended bistros, restaurants, cafés and patisseries to visit in Paris, as well as what to pair for your picnic to be enjoyed at one of the many jardins or along the Seine.

—Rosé All Day: The Essential Guide to Your New Favorite Wine by Katherine Cole

We couldn’t have French Week here on the blog and not talk about rosé wine. As many of you may have noticed, rosé is having a resurgence as the wine of summer. With delectable price points and delicious options, I don’t know why it ever wasn’t the wine of summer. Discover the history of this pink wine and where to find the good stuff in this playful, yet resourceful, new book.

Cookbook

—Voilà! The Effortless French Cookbook: Easy Recipes to Savor the Classic Tastes of France by Cecile Delarue

Well, if Mireille Guilano recommends it, I may just have to take a look. Released on July 25th, Cecile Delarue’s new cookbook begins with a recreation of teachings that will offer the cooking skills one might find in a Parisian culinary class. Creator of the blog French and Parfait, readers will discover 125 recipes, each offering a pairing of the best choice of wine. As well, learn how to prepare the French staples such as quiches, a poached egg and delicious sauces.

—France: The Cookbook by Ginette Mathiot

A reader recently shared with me and recommended quite whole-heartedly this cookbook, which if I am recalling correctly, I may have mentioned on the blog earlier this year. France: The Cookbook is a reprint of the 1932 original cookbook which has sold more than six million copies. Now available with an updated translation by Chocolate & Zucchini blogger and cookbook author Clotilde Dusoulier, this cookbook is one to have in your kitchen if you enjoy traditional French fare.

Film

—The Midwife

Released this past July, the past returns in a French film with two outstanding French actresses. Catherine Deneuve and Catherine Frot star in The Midwife which focuses on the unlikely friendship later in life of the midwife (Frot) and her father’s former flambuoyant mistress (Deneuve). Have a look at the trailer below.

https://youtu.be/S_FLOFTvqdQ

—Tous les Soleils

Released in 2011, I wanted to share what looks like a truly lovely and heart-warming movie. Starring Stefano Accorsi as an Italian widower who teaches music in France, is still gripped by the passing of his wife; however, his young daughter is living life, and so too do those who love him wish he would do as well. Have a look at the trailer below (my apologies, as I couldn’t find a trailer with English subtitles, but I have a feeling the visuals will give you a taste of the tone and the plot) and be sure to add to your watch list.

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Kitchen

—Jacques Pepin & Sur La Table

The highly respected French chef Jacques Pepin has paired up with Sur La Table to offer his own line of cookware (copper!) and tableware (I believe he loves chickens).

Shopping

—Raey superfine cashmere cornflower scarf

I came across this cashmere scarf while putting together yesterday’s Outfit of the Week, and I could not resist including it in this week’s This & That. The cornflower blue is ideal and epitomizes southern France to me. And the price isn’t that bad either.

Television

—Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce, season 4 premiere

I know this show isn’t French or French-inspired, but I wanted to make sure you knew it was premiering next Thursday on Bravo. With only two more seasons left (they’ve finished taping both already), enjoy some summer laughter and life’s ups and downs with the girls of GGTD.

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—The Tunnel

Some of you may already be fans or know about this series as it is on its second season here in the states on PBS and originally began on BBC. I just became aware of it through a friend who highly recommended it, and once I knew Clémence Poésy was starring in it, I wanted to have a look. If you enjoy modern crime dramas, a dash of French language from time to time (but not all the time), and good rapport with the chosen actors, as well as a mind-boggling plot, be sure to check out The Tunnel.

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~recipe for Easy Crusty French Bread~

Freshly made bread, the thought of the smell alone makes my tastebuds dance, so when a TSLL reader (Thank you Sue!) shared the above recipe with me, I wanted to share with you. After all, bread making can be quite simple, and the results are worth giving it a try.

Speaking of simple, yet luxurious, the second annual French Week on the blog, based on readers comments and feedback has been going very well, and I want to thank you for stopping by, taking in the posts or episodes of the podcast thacalught your eye and sharing what you loved. While it was a busy week, I honestly loved every minute as I had the opportunity to be introduced to so many long-time but first-time commenters and new readers as well as share what I love about the French-inspiration in my life and hear yours as well in the comments. And the good news is, the week isn’t over yet. There are still four more posts (one of which is another episode of the podcast with none other than the woman behind Comme une Française, Géraldine Lepère) for you to enjoy. We had an enlightening conversation about the differences between the French and North American cultures, and I do think you’ll find her tips reassuring regarding travel especially if you are contemplating going beyond Paris.

Don’t forget to enter both of the GIVEAWAY opportunities (here and here), and enjoy an ample selection of reading material for the weekend. Until later today, bonne journée!

~Julia Child’s home in Washington D.C. is more than somewhat rundown, but a new owner has big plans.

~Inspiring advice from a Navy SEAL . . . 11 Surefire Ways to Turn Your Dreams into Reality

~If you are someone in the growing number of women who are choosing not to have want, even though they are married, this article is worth reading

~But if you do want kids and you’re in your late thirties or forties, read this article, which will also ease your mind.

~Single? This article suggests staying single until you find someone who understands love isn’t a fantasy land

~I so appreciated reading this article about a father and daughter

~6 Things You Must Quit Doing Now to Be Successful

~Did you hear the exciting news this week about the über successful memoir by Isabel Vincent, Dinner with Edward (listen to my review of the book in this Petit Plaisir of the podcast)? David Suchet (aka Hercules Poirot) will be starring as Edward in an upcoming film adaptation of the book!

~One of the foods I miss most and cannot wait to enjoy upon returning to France is Comté! Read why it really is the Queen of French Cheese in Susan Herrmann Loomis’ post

~Visiting Paris in August? Discover what to do in the city when the Parisians are gone and tourists have the run of the place

~Speaking of visiting France in the summer, discover 26 things that happen every summer

~Put these must-visit streets on your list, The 10 Coolest Streets in Paris

~More planning that is worth your time and will save you money: The Best FREE thing to do in each arrondissement

TSLL 2017 French Week continues through August 12th. Amusez-vous bien!

Don’t Miss What Has Been Posted So Far:

TSLL French Week Begins: A French Linen Giveaway

My 10 All-Time Favorite French Books

A Lifestyle Blog Designed for Francophiles: TSLL

Episode #167 of the Podcast: My Good Life in France: Janine Marsh

9 French Online Clothing Destinations & Brands You Must Visit

Style Inspiration: Effortlessly French

My Stylish French Box: Enjoy the Seasonal Gifts of France Wherever You Live

Episode #168 of the Podcast: French Everyday Living with Author & Blogger Sharon Santoni

15 Kitchen Tools to Cook Anything Like a Pro

Subscribe to TSLL Newsletter Tailored Just For You

Putting on the Ritz: Cooking Classes at the Ritz Paris

11 Brands for French Stripes: Classic & Modern

Outfit of the Week: Attire for a Flâneuse on a Summer Evening

This & That: August 11, 2017 published first on http://ift.tt/2pewpEF

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