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somethinginworl · 11 months

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He would not fucking say that - Kirby franchise edition (Results)

Well! Seems like a lot of people had a lot to say about mischaracterized Kirby characters, as a matter of fact, there were a whooping 57 entries! Well, let’s get going with them, shall we? Just,,, beware that this is a LOOONG post.

Haltmann

The dude 100% did fucked up shit and needs to be held accountable but people seem to so easily forget the degree he was influenced/corrupted by Star Dream. I don't understand why people hate Haltmann and love Star Dream who is arguably the actual reason HWC started colonizing and draining planets. Also the fact that Haltmann isn't conventionally attractive to the majority of the fandom makes him less sympathetic ig?? But the dude is a grieving father who made mistakes that sent him down a spiral into being corrupted and then deleted by a heartless machine. I can't help but pity him

Prince Fluff

Go on ao3. Look in his tag on tumblr. He exists only to be Kirby or Shadow Kirby's love interest most of the time, with no personality of his own.

He barely gets recognized anymore, and if he does, it's usually as a ship Prince Fluff was a big part of my childhood, with Epic Yarn being my first game. To me, he was Kirby's fellow main character, and they had a cool sibling/best friend relationship. But now, a lot of what I see of him is just . . . Kirfluff. Which is cool and all, but man's a prince! He can do more than be a boyfriend! Heck, he runs an entire kingdom by himself! One thing that I want to see more of is Fluff as a stressed but caring ruler, not just a sidekick/boyfriend to the pink puff. Give yarn boy his deserved appreciation!.

Dark Meta Knight

Hello! I am here to spread the good word of a character with no personality. It's the mirror thing. Of course. Dark Meta Knight has No Personality. Zero. Nada. Zilch. He's Meta Knight but Dark. What does that mean? Your guess. He fights Meta Knight. And wins lmao skill issue blueboy. And fights Kirby. And loses a few times, which isn't surprising. He was dumb enough to split Kirby in four, though. Four times the Kirby is four times the amount your ass is grass. You're practically a forest at that point because you're so grass. So he's violent and has no personality outside of being violent. Woo! Triple Deluxe has him attack Dedede in Dededetour inside the Mirror. This has led people to think he fucked over Sectonia. This makes my heart bleed as much as Taranza probably did when he was punted off of Royal Road via Fuck You Lightning Ball. My man just has no sense of timing,,,, They just wanted to include a Meta Knight battle because Knight Battles are a Kirby standard at this point,,, You think a man that stupid can figure out how to take advantage of a woman's insecurity? I don't even know if he knows women exist. How many female Amazing Mirror characters are there??? Boxy??? Moley mentions having a wife once and Dameta doesn't know what he means. But other than being driven to immense violence and being scapegoated for the stuff his boss probably did, Dameta has other hobbies! Like whatever his motivation in Star Allies is. Something dastardly, I'm sure. People really like to pretend he's not part of the Star Ally club when my man is doodling with toddlers and posing with his less cool less edgy self. Would a villain have a silly little we heart kirby statue? No, didn't think so. Also I cannot imagine him as a dad to Shadkirby either. Do they even interact? I've seen both "Amazing dad" and "Outright abusive" as interpretations and I can't go with either. But I think that's because I don't enjoy Metadad that much. They're like awkward coworkers. He thinks they're student and mentor. They're not even that. Dameta barely knows Shadow exists.

Dark Meta Knight is very popularly characterized as like an abusive parent, usually physically abusive. Mainly to Shadow Kirby, of course. He's an asshole, yeah, but not THAT bad, christ. I've seen multiple fics where Shadow Kirby is some poor little hey what t the fuck hes fighting himself. um. Back to being a hater.

Shadow Kirby

Some folks still think he's shy/cowardly like from the Amazing Mirror Days. Not really true anymore. From what fans have seen from the ending of the game, he does protect the Mirror World. As for the spin off games that include him, he's pretty tough and even creates mischief sometimes.

Shadow Kirby is constantly treated as an "evil" Kirby. Especially bad after Fighters and fighters two. Not to mention "Parallel Kirby". There's also a strangely common trend of making them more sapient than pink Kirby, who tends to be infantilised to hell and back. Shadow Kirby also is often treated as a complete coward who can't do anything right, when they aren't called evil.

He's shown as completely different in several different occasions, not only in personality but in design I like shadow kirby he's purple and then he's not

Dark Taranza

Dark Taranza, gonna be honest what little characterization people give him are actually okay compared to the rest. But I'm still a hater and hang on im watching jerma clips. okay. He's like Sectonia if Sectonia was Taranza if that makes sense.

Shadow Dedede

Shadow Dedede barely gets shit but I'm going to be a little hater anyways. I don't like most characterizations. I see people make him like a dictator like bro he's literally just some guy.

Sectonia

have you seen how often people say that sectonia and taranza were boyfriend and girlfriend in canon?????? they were never!!! shes the gosh dang final boss but shes only ever used to give taranza angst. she is her own person with a personality!!!! yes their backstories are interconnected but gosh!!!!

This not too prominent but I can't stand it when people portray her as an uwu shy girl pre-corruption. While she gave in her worst aspects, she was probably always a kind of vain, girlboss! I mean she knows how to fight with rapiers c'mon!!!

idk it just feels like lots of people just see her as Taranza's tragic dead wife and like nothing else you know? like she is more than that and I feel like what little content we have of her proves that (like the soul boss descriptions (especially the original japanese text of the 2nd phase!!) and the eternal dream song) - or maybe im reading too much into those because im hyperfixating on my blorbo whoops

Kine

I'm not sure how true this opinion is considering how little people talk about Kine, I feel this is partially the anime's fault, or maybe its because of how he just looks, but Kine is cool and is not some stupid loser fish. Before the days of Crystal Shards, Him, Kirby, Rick & Coo were the dream team at the time, always hanging out going, with various activities long before the days of Meta Knight or even Dedede. Kine is an awesome aquatic rep for the Kirby series not to mention drinking and being a pirate and Kine even has a Wife! Kine has got it! I guess this is a partial compliant of Ship of Theseus which can be applied with Rick & Coo too, but I feel Kine gets the most hate if any because of people who are unfamiliar just see a dopey fish and are unaware of his origins and his past with Kirby. I'm not upset with the current representation of the Kirby cast (I love the RTDL team being the main crew) but I do hope the animal buddies get some more love, Especially Kine.

Dedede

reduced to his significantly less in-depth and compelling characterization from the anime

Anime Dedede.

Magolor

one time i read a series of fanfictions where he called every female character in the story a bitch and was portrayed as the good guy in the story

Is it possible to both be flanderized and woobified at the same time? There is a lot of "removing his responsibility for his actions" but can we get better jokes than "hehe Microtransgolor hehe scammer egg”

Always an uwu soft boy. Like no that is a criminal not a catboy.

Bro would never be intimidated by Magolor

Marx

People either portray him as a edgy sociopath or constantly bored and annoyed. Portraying him as an adult or a teen kinda annoys me as well. I'm very picky about portrayals of Marx so don't get upset if you portray him as one of these I've listed.

Sometimes I see people only joking about the "hungry so he came along" thing with Marx and it's pretty overdone

They took one look at him and said “to the insane asylum bitch”. I don’t think he’s some crazy murder hobo rather a dude with questionable morals and puts his own mischief and fun before others it seems. Though Marx is indeed one of the least “character” characters when I mean he doesn’t have much depth in comparison to other characters. But you could do anything else than have him follow the Jevil path of him being crazy. Make him evil? Sure. Make him a cringefail idiot? Sure. Make him a crybaby bitch? Go ahead. But making him the definition of what a 14 year old white girl in New Jersey that probably is addicted to Instagram and thinks Webtoon comics are the highest level of art and storytelling’s definition of insane doesn’t cut it cuz. Slapping the spaz label without a thought of what’s being done on a character who fits the mark makes the Schizoid peeved who coulda known. As this is all coming from the one person who has likely ruined Marx’s character the most for Kirblur by making him a somewhat empathetic manchild who clings to both pipe dreams of normality and being a monster btw. (Also this doesn’t mean jokes, you can joke about him being a psycho like Jerma it’s when it’s taken 100% seriously is when it’s bad). Also to add on, Woobification of Marx or any Kirby character period CAN be annoying if taken too far. I take full responsibility in the fact my variant is also woobifed to an extent but that train full of ticking bombs doesn’t bother me as much. Make him sadcry and be gay he deserves both those things. Send him to sad hell with the rest of them.

To the anon above... What?

Making him stupid or reducing him to just Silly Clown. Or just having him act in purely impulsive or spontaneous ways (which sometimes happens when juxtaposed with a more "collected" character like Magolor).

Daroach

this is something i’ve noticed specifically in chatfics, but when daroach is in the ensemble some of them tend to designate him as the Goofy Meme Dumbass for… idk, fandom quota? i really don’t know why it happens because he has a bunch of canon dialogue (and alternate continuity stuff like the novels) that show him to be cool and clever. i’m not saying he can’t have a sense of humor or anything (he’s definitely the type to have a bunch of quips), but it sucks when he’s mischaracterized because the fandom doesn’t give him that much attention as is. if you NEED a silly haha guy, marx is right there!”

Morpho Knight

"Morpho Knight is a creature of mercy. It's a benevolent entity putting tired souls to rest." NO?! I'm going to copy-paste some stuff I put in a post of my own. A while back, SYZekrom on Reddit translated Morpho Knight's entry, and it contains some... interesting information. Allow me to provide some excerpts. "He’s a red knight with butterfly wings, continuing from a pair of white wings like an angel’s, and a pair of azure wings with a bit of an evil feel." This is the first of two instances where Morpho Knight is outright stated to be evil. There's also stuff in the art book that supports my theory that Galacta and Morpho are permanently fused and the former is not dead, but I don't want to get carried away. These are its gacha figure descriptions in Forgotten Land: "The fluttering fiend that casts judgment upon final battles is drawn toward the isolated isles of Forgo Dreams. There, it feasts on the most powerful soul it finds and takes the fearsome form of a scarlet-clad knight… Let the most challenging battle of this new world begin!" –English "One of the dreaming birds, which are said to pass judgement upon decisive battles, drifts towards a forgotten, isolated isle as if summoned. There, it sips upon the strongest Soul and descends as a red knight. Finally, welcome the dusk… of the deadliest battle in this New World!" –Japanese While at first glance there doesn't seem to be any information of note, the "fluttering fiend" bit in the English version is outright stating Morpho Knight is evil, and the phrase "he deadliest battle in this New World" doesn't sound particularly heroic. But I digress... Morpho is NOT a good person! This is clearly leading up to a villain vs hero confrontation! Which, may I add, implies that reaping Galacta Knight wasn't necessarily a good thing for it to do?!

Elfilis

elfilis is NOT entirely malicious. they would gladly accept hugs and kisses. being in a fucking capsule ALONE and AWARE for likely CENTURIES will DO SOMETHING TO YOU YOU KNOW?? god fucking DAMN dude... and after the ending of the true arena in the game, WILLINGLY GAVE THEMSELF UP TO ELFILIN. also they're not fucking DEAD you PSYCHOPAYHS elfilis is STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE!!!!!!! RUUAAAGGGH!!!!!!!!!!

Susie

Being Evil or being a Sad uwu girl who has had bad things happen to her seems to be the only way most people can portray this character.

Susie isn't a friend. She's selfish and wanted to take over the company. Her "redemption" is pointing Kirby at the world-ending machine, gives him armor, and then stands around. She doesn't even know his name. The closest she does for good is tell Kirby to do something he would've done on his own.

My girl really became the subject of hate thanks to a mistranslation. I mean yeah she likes robots and shit but the fact that people think she is a terrible person and that she's still colonizing planets makes me upset. i blame the translation team for everything.

When people say she has fully redeemed herself and is reduced to cishet, pretty girl??? Like no, star allies mistranslation my ass you fell for her corporate propaganda. The female characters in this franchise, while lovable, is not nearly as popular as a lot of the male ones. HAL literally gave us a morally grey girlboss who we can still sympathise with. She actually feels like a very real character in this fictional world.

You Know How People Are About Her

she's not even my blorbo!!!!!! everyone thinks she's a huge evil bitch who has done terrible genuinely unspeakable things. i read a fic that went on and on abt the horrible things she "did" to meta knight when he was mechanized (things so bad i cant even say) and i was pulling my hair out she did not fucking do any of that!!!! yes the universe can have pretty dark moments but good lord people only use her to woobify meta knight and give fuel to ship him with others and it pisses me off lol. or people go too far the other way and woobify HER to ship with him and aughhhh no one has a shred of media literacy. she's not purely good or purely evil she's such a complex character who did bad things because she was in a bad situation and the best example of a morally grey character who's on no one's side but herself and that will always be more interesting that 100% good or 100% evil. once again she's not even my blorbo but i've never seen a character butchered this badly by a fandom

Because of mistranslation (from what I've heard) Susie's whole mechanizing planets has been the number one thing when it came to susie hate and the only reason as to why people hate this girl so much. Honestly Susie's character has been fucked up immensely and no one has such a divided spread of opinions like she does. Some people brush away her backstory and make her a soulless being with no love whatsoever.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Susie Haltmann. I cannot with the fandom interpretations anymore. It's ridiculous how bad they've gotten. Susie is a two dimensional character. I absolutely despise seeing people portray her as some sort of greedy capitalist bastard and "the one with the braincell". In canon, she's consistently been portrayed as a sweet person (with a knack for violence, but EVERYONE in this series is like that). Everything bad she did in Planet Robobot was FOR WORK and the will of HER FATHER, and even if she did want to do the things she did, she's clearly not doing them any more. The "mechanizing planets and peoples" line in Star Allies is a mistranslation. And the "punishing savages" doesn't have to mean anything bad. It could mean she's punishing evildoers with her money and resources. In fact, I've seen some translations put it like that And Meta Knight... is just the straw that broke the camel's back. Oh lord. Why does everyone insist that he hates her? There's the little scene in Star Allies... but god, that isn't canon, it's clearly a joke. If anything, Susie might have been trying to talk to him and he was just trying to avoid her in a misinterpretation of the situation. It's supposed to be funny. Why are you imposing this onto people like this automatically makes Susie a devil incarnate and anything involving those two characters in problematic? Just shut up.

Meta Knight

Everyone thinks he’s just the ‘edgy character’ or ‘the uncaring mentor figure’ while in actuality he really does care for Kirby (and Bandana Dee) more than anyone gives him credit for!

Everyone either makes him all broody and lonesome, like shadow the hedgehog or batman; or they make him a goofy dad, like Dedede or Hugh Neutron. In reality, he's a weird uncle with unknown motivations, simultaneously selfish and practical. Also, he doesn't hide the fact that he likes sweets, he eats them away from everyone so no one steals them (Dedede and Squeak Squad).

He's not Kirby's fucking dad! He's an irresponsible uncle that hands out swords! And he is definitely in love with dedede, he is the only other dramatic bitch willing to build a skyscraper to beat up kirby (I am using intense anger for comedic effect)

HES A FUCKING TWINK ASS FRUITY ASS MOTHERFUCKING CRINGEFAIL MAN. HE NEEDS TO HAVE HIS PERSONALITY INTERPRETED AS BOTH THE MANGA AND THE GAMES. YES HE IS MYSTERIOUS BUT HE ALSO WOULD TRIP AND FALL OVER HIMSELF. I NEED STAR ALLIES KICKING SWORD PISSED. I NEED MANGA ROSES BITCHASS META. I NEED THAT PARTICULAR VERSION OF MY BOY meat knight RIGHT NOW. meta knight is cringefail. half of the fandom agrees the other half does not. im explode.

He wants to look cool so bad but he is actually a huge fucking goofy goober. Any representation of Meta Knight being a badass is propaganda made by Meta Knight himself to convince you he’s cool. I mean have you seen his RTDL Deluxe pause screen description? King Dedede’s and Bandana Dee’s are in first person, but his is in third person? He’s literally talking about himself in the third person like hello????? Meta Knight is such a fucking lame goofy little man who thinks he’s the most badass motherfucker on the planet.

To fair this has been less common lately but back during 2014-2016 MK was usually portrayed in fanart/fanfic as either this wise veteran or cold edgelord. He is just an unhindged!!! Silly!!! Guy!!! He can be cool and cringefail!!! But he is also compassionate in his own aloof, awkward way!!!

i am not a big fan of the metadede ship. i think people are shipping for the sake of having a ship and nothing else. As someone with a severely underrepresented orientation (aromantic and asexual), when I see a character I like, I will project onto said character. This is the case with my interpretation of Meta Knight. I saw a cool character that I liked who a) doesn’t have any canon love interests and b) didn’t really need a whole ton of friends/significant others to be happy with life. Meta Knight always seemed to be perfectly content with the friends he has on Popstar and his crew and everyone in the anime, so I looked to him for hope that I could live the same way. I was open to the metadede ship at first, but as time passed, I felt less and less comfortable with it. It seemed to me that people were so hungry for gay ships that they just pulled this one out of thin air courtesy of Kirby Fighters 2, which is to my knowledge the only piece of media that somewhat supports this. Why can’t people just be happy with MK and Dedede being friends or frenemies? I’m probably starting drama with this bc I know how popular metadede is on Tumblr so I apologize for upsetting you if that is the case. But I also feel that I shouldn’t apologize just because I have a different opinion.

I dislike how "pathetic" the fandom has made him out to be. I don't like it when he's portrayed as overpowered but... "pathetic, whiny manlet" could not be further from the truth. How did we get to that?

Kirby

Often people make Kirby more dependent on others than he actually is. He's an extremely independent person that literally cannot be stopped by anyone who tries to get in his way

ik its been covered to death but matpat made that video about how kirby is evil and completely ignored the themes of friendship and kindness that are present throughout the entire series

dude hes not a baby. he drinks in the manga adukt kirbies are a fine interp god. and hes not a godkiller or some shit he just fights for his friends hes not some terrifying monster kirby is literally just some friendly guy. strong yeah but just some guy. he fights strong entities incidentally lol

The anime portrays them as a literal infant, and due to its overprevalence (despite not being in the same stream of canon as the games), this is often their characterization in the fandom. Canonically, they indeed are a child (at most, they'd probably be a teen in the modern games), but they are old enough to talk, and they demonstrate a high amount of emotional and even technical intelligence.

Admittedly, this is one that usually only happens to people outside the fandom, but it bugs me when people portray Kirby as a sort of immoral monster who only does good things on accident. When it’s quite the opposite! He may not be incredibly bright, but he does his best to help people. Oddly enough, there’s not many cases of “he would not say that” in the fandom for me because of how loose Kirby’s story is. It is lore heavy but the actual characters aren’t super concrete save for a few and I think that’s perfectly fine

People forget that their air bullet!! is an attack!! its literally one of their only ways of dealing damage in DL1!!! I’m looking at you Smash Bros!!! Why isn’t it their nair?????????

making them a toddler who cant speak for themself

I swear everyone outside of the fandom sees Kirby as either a braincell infant or a merciless force of mass destruction

Taranza

WHAT DIDN'T THEY DO!?!?!? Taranza, as we see him in Triple Deluxe, is such a fun villain. He's dramatic, arrogant, a total suck-up to Sectonia, and it's so. Fucking. Good. He's a devious bastard, he monologues!!! His animations in the Clash games are so fucking campy and dramatic it's chefs kiss!!!! Fanon Taranza is as plain as white bread. Sometimes as pale as it, looking at some of the gijinkas. No shade though! As little shade as there is melanin in him lmAO- He is flanderised to hell and back. There are so. Many. Fucking. Taranzas who happen to be nothing but sad and weepy about his evil dead wife. Where's the bite!!! The pizzazz!!! Even in canon, when he is a bit of a wet sack later on, he still hunts for an altar he can bring her back on. My boy's a wannabe necromancer!!! Write that shit in your lost lenore Sectonia fic you fucking cowards Queen's Phantom ain't just for show. The above is also evidence for woobification! The fucker is obviously sad his crush is dead! But can we pleeease focus on anything else. This is definitely not targeted at Hal Labs. Imagine being woobied so hard your creators backtrack your personality I would just die. "Ehehe he's the responsible mage!!" No the fuck he isn't he can't be trusted with anything he tries take control it WILL blow up in his face. He knows magic he's good at magic but is he responsible??? Fuck no my man's strongest attack is "Blow myself the fuck up via a giant burst of magic" and it shreds. Even worse is the "Taranza got mind-controlled by Sectonia" theory in tandem with this. That wasn't confirmed right. Right. God I hope not that would be embarrassing. He can't even have a moment to realise his devotion has gone too far and she doesn't love him or even care for him, and he has to finally make that decision to free himself from her like ain't that cool!!! And then making him all sad over her afterwards it's just a Little Fucked if you're tryna put it all together eh. Eh. And he's not suuuper objectified (That usually goes to Seccy rest in piss girlie) but the way he's treated in some ships is. Eugh. Fucking Magoranza amirite he's basically there to look responsible and cute (I've already explained my issue with this) and to fix the tortured soul who is Magolor (I do not like Magolor. Nor Magoranza.) Tbh Sectaranza does the same he's there to be tragic because his girlie's dead. When you give him less personality than the dead cardboard cutout you know you fucked up. Anyways these ramblings are here to remind you what Hal Labs stole from us: Taranza but not a TOTAL saddo. Theatre kid Taranza. Arrogant prick. He's even British.

For the anon above me, I just wanted to say that this entry is probably my favorite and lives rent free in my mind.

I'm definitely guilty of it and it's all we have to go off of but PLEASE he needs more than to be Sad. Give him hobbies and interests that aren't just gardening, at least. Make stuff up about him, please!

So, SO many people make him an absolute crybaby over Sectonia. Even though, yes, he has grief problems, it's not his whole freaking personality. Pretty sure they're forgetting the fact that he LITERALLY HELPED KILL HER.

Taranza is not just a little pathetic guy!! He’s a bitch— a little schemer if you will !!! He’s smug—he’s formal—he’s a little fucker!!! Taranza needs a new partner and that partner is me

Oddly enough I do think people make him out to be a bit too much of a goody two shoes. Like he has done some mean things in the past and it wasn’t all Sectonia’s fault, he literally *stole* the Dimensional Mirror after all. Don’t get me wrong I think he’s a good person in the end, but cmon. He has committed crimes

Taranza in some corners of the fandom has kinda been turned into this forever crying baby who can never recover from losing Joronia and like, I never see people who do that write about the recovery and being able to move on to the final stage of grief.

HE IS NOT A SIMP, MY GOD

Everyone needs to stop reducing him to pathetic simp. He is allowed to grieve but he's probably one of the more mature characters within the series???

People disregard everything else about his character to make his tragic relationship with sectonia his only character trait. Not sure if this quite counts as woobifying since he does canonically still mourn her (and obviously seeing a close friend/crush go down the path of self destruction and ultimately die from it WOULD NOT be something you'd get over quickly). But I'm so tired of taranza in fanart and the like being an uwu softboy with Crying as his main character trait. Like he's canonically more than that! He goes full cocky villain mode when you confront him near the end of triple deluxe and he can pack a punch in star allies with his magic! If you're going to write about him prove that you don't just know about the guy from twitter artwork!

And here’s a graph!

Anyways, thanks everyone for your submissions! What I’ve learned here is important: We’re all fucking delusional.

#I'm going to fist fight the Tumblr editor #Kine anon Ily #Kirby #Rambles #Long post

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angry-geese · 1 year

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Blood Ties - Chapter Fourty-five: There Will Come Soft Rain

Soulmate au Choso x Reader

Warnings: canon typical violence. Swearing. blood mention. Overall sfw

Word count: 3.6k

A/n: NGL tumblrs mobile post editor was really fighting me on this one so apologies for any formatting errors :)

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Masterlist

“You're back,” you say.

James turned to look at you slowly. Your back is to him, the light from the fridge illuminating the dark kitchen. Only the light over the stove is on. He sets down the things in his arms: an assortment of leftovers, and a white claw. The potted plant in the center of the table—some kind of clover—is wilting.

Although the curtains are drawn tight, the lights from a neighboring porch are visible.

“So are you.” He says.

The calendar on the wall reads January 2017. The first two weeks are crossed off. It's the night of the 15th.

James remembers this.

“Where the hell have you been?” You ask.

He always found it funny how so much can change in such little time. Despite your difference in ages, you and him were once close. Then he moved away for work, and you left for college. The two of you talked less and less, growing further apart.

Despite being almost two years younger in this memory, you appear older. The first true taste of freedom hit you hard. To you, it didn't seem to matter if the choices you made were the wrong ones, as long as it got you away from your hometown. The last thing you wanted was to go home to your mother, and lick your wounds. But after a semester of partying, and failed classes, you didn't have anywhere else to go.

“Work.” He says. “Seoul.”

He heats up his leftovers; rice porridge with chicken. You take a seat across from him at the table. The light stays off, so as to not disturb your mother.

You always hated small talk.

“Why are you back?” He asks. “Don't you have class?”

“Dropped out.” You say. “Decided to skip town.”

James remembers this. He remembers the irritation he felt towards you at this moment. This is one of the few times in his life he remembers being truly angry.

“Does mom know?” He asks.

“Haven't told her yet,” you say, “and I don't have any plans to.”

James narrows his eyes. “You realize she’ll find out eventually, right?”

“Why?” You ask. “You going to snitch on me?”

“You can't keep this from her forever.” He says. “What happens when she starts questioning why you're back? You weren't even gone an entire semester! Why quit?”

“I don't know.” You said. “Couldn't stick around, I guess,

"It's not a big deal. I don't need college to get ahead in life,” you say.

“No,” he says, “but it really fuckin’ helps.”

You kick his leg under the table. “I’ll just do what you’re doing.” You say. “You seem to be doing pretty well for yourself. Plus you travel all the time and-”

James remembers seeing red. The anger he felt towards you in this moment. The jealousy.

He stands, the chair behind him scraping against the wood floor. His hands slam down on the table.

“You're throwing your life away—leaving like that!” He says. He’s yelling. He doesn't mean to. “You don't want to end up in this line of work!”

"What the fuck?" You ask. Now you're yelling too. "You don't know shit about what I'm going through!"

“Oh, sure, you get to leave and blow all your money partying, but I'm the family fuck-up?!” He says. “I wanted to go to college too, you know!" His fists are clutched tightly at his sides. And for a very brief moment, his calm demeanor falters.

He doesn't remember where you went that night, just that you grabbed your keys and took off. You wouldn't return to your mother’s house for a week after that. By then, James was long gone.

But it's never stopped him from thinking of what could have been, had you not followed him.

…

[Kamo Clan Estate, present day]

Much like your arrival at Jujutsu Tech, you are unceremoniously locked in a room.

Aside from saying “we'll be back”, the two guards don't speak to you. There's the click of two locks as they exit—the one on the handle, and a deadbolt. This time you're allowed to hold onto your belongings. Maybe they don't expect you to try and escape. Maybe they do.

Maybe that's their plan.

For almost twenty minutes you sit there, staring dead ahead at the wall. If someone is out in the hall guarding you, then they've been nothing but silent. When you peek through the crack at the bottom of the door, you spy nothing. This room looks like it was once meant to be a guest bedroom. There's a bed and an old, expensive looking vanity. The furnishings are sparse, but comfortable. If it weren't for the lock being on the other side of the door, you would be none the wiser.

It makes you wonder if this is a common enough occurrence that the Kamo clan needs such rooms.

A groan leaves you as you stand. In the short time you’ve been sitting, your limbs have stiffened. The floorboards creak underfoot as you make your way over to the vanity, your hands resting on the edge.

It doesn't take you long to figure out the door is warded: attacks using cursed energy will be useless. Trying to break it down would draw attention from anyone outside—but would be a way to bypass the wards.

Defeated, you slump against the wall, before your gaze falls to the vanity. Sitting atop it is a box of bobby pins.

Movies make lockpicking look a lot simpler than it really is. You jab one of the pins into the lower half of the lock, using another to work open the top part. The task conjures up the image of old spy movies, where an actor is able to open a lock with just a paperclip and enough willpower. Reality is a lot more difficult than that.

The second lock is a lot easier dealt with than the first. By the time you get it open, almost ten minutes have passed. Despite being met with an empty hallway, you move quickly, worried that the noise has drawn someone’s attention. Cursed energy hangs heavy in the air, a faint metallic smell follows each breath you take. You walk with a limp—you doubt you broke anything, but the pain in your foot makes it hard to walk right. Using the glow of your lock screen as a flashlight, you're able to find your way into a lit room.

It's clear from the furniture—all old and expensive, probably family heirlooms—that this isn't the entrance. The curtains are drawn tight over the windows. A table lamp fills the room with a soft orange glow. There’s a sterile quality to this space; everything appears too clean, and uninhabited.

Looming over a table, filling cups with tea, is Suguru Geto.

Kenjaku.

Fear prickles at your palms. You flatten yourself against the wall in an attempt to make yourself as small and invisible as possible. He hasn't reacted, so you suspect he hasn't noticed you.

To no avail. Geto hums, motioning to you with his hand.

Your feet are moving before your brain is telling them to. Fight or flight has kicked in. Something in the back of your mind is sending danger—rightfully so.

“Sit down.” He says. “I have no intentions to make a mess of this room,

“Besides, I've been meaning to talk to you.”

You? Why you?

You don't want to listen to him, but your body betrays you, stirred by his tone of voice. It must be cursed speech, you think, it has to be. Your eyes fall to the table in front of you. The finish on the wood is badly chipped on one corner. There's the remnants of some kind of stain on the wood floor.

As he sets a cup down in front of you, he takes note of the way you eye it. “If you're worried about it being poisoned—it's not.” He says. “You are not worth the effort, nor the ingredients.”

It's not an insult. It shouldn't be. Yet his tone of voice irks you. Your eyes narrow, and you snatch the cup from the table, downing it in one swig.

He takes a seat at the table directly across from you. Something in the back of your head is screaming at you to run.

“You must be well aware of who I am by now, but we never had a proper introduction.” He says, holding his hand out for you to shake it. You keep your hands firmly clasped together in your lap.

“I have heard about you. Quite a lot more than you’d imagine,

“A human-born sorcerer betrothed to a cursed womb death painting?” He says, feigning amazement. “Not only that, but the same sorcerer who managed to obtain the remaining seven cursed wombs? You are quite the news around here, considering the family you were born from…”

“You don't know shit about my family,” you say.

Kenjaku smiles, but the expression doesn't reach his eyes, so it appears as if he's leering at you. Really, you feel like cornered prey; a rabbit facing down a fox.

“I’ve heard enough to know that you're not born from a line of sorcerers." He says. "That both you and your brother managed to awaken a cursed technique from deep within your bloodline. I don't think you realize just how rare that is…

"One in a million—rarer than that; you two are one in several billion."

Every cell in your being is screaming at you to run. You try your best to ignore it. If Kenjaku wanted you dead, you would be.

“What the hell do you want?”

That's what seems to finally stir him from his thoughts. Kenjaku flicks a stray lock of hair away from his eyes. “You are—unfortunately—not the person I’m looking for.” He says, bringing his cup to his lips.

“‘Unfortunately’ isn't the word I’d use personally.” You say.

Kenjaku smiles. The hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. He pays no mind to your words, he’s only waiting for you to quit speaking.

“You may not have had part in this originally, but that doesn't mean I have no use for you.” He stands, before making his way over to the table he was first at. He shuffles around some papers, before returning to you, and setting them in front of you. It’s another moment before either of you move. You’re the first to do so, carefully taking the top one: a cream colored piece of paper, with an ornate blue border.

“I had your marriage backdated a year,” he says. “It’s now legally recognized both in Japan, and your home country. I hope that’s alright with you.”

Below that is another paper—another certificate. A degree. Backdated two years.

“As far as the government is concerned, you’ve been teaching at Jujutsu Technical College in Tokyo for the past year.” He says. “You’ll find paystubs, and proof of residence while you’re at it.”

“Why?” You ask.

“Because I think you and I will work well together. We’re family now.” He says. “Originally, I had no plans to keep Choso around, but you changed things. Perhaps I have a use for him after all…”

The sharp pain in your palms is the only thing to signal to you that you’ve been clenching your fists.

“We are not family.” You say. “You raped Choso’s mother, and you are nothing more than a parasite to me.”

You want to follow that sentence up with a “fuck you”. But you bite your tongue. That’ll have to do.

“Do you think of your beloved Choso the same way?” He asks. He leans in close enough for you to smell something sweet on his breath. Almonds. “His situation and mine aren't that different after all…”

In an instant, you’ve managed to drop your expression entirely. Your nails dig into your palms hard enough to leave little crescent-shaped indents. Fear still prickles at the back of your neck, but you manage to show no sign of it on your face. Barely.

“You and Choso are nothing alike. You’re parading around in the body of Suguru Geto, soulmate of Satoru Gojo,” you say. “Using that man’s face, and identity as your own… sounds parasitic to me.”

Your tone is flat, and unmoved. You speak cold and clinically. Kenjaku is amused by your sudden change in demeanor.

“Do you think of the body that Choso occupies?” He asks. “Of the boy it once belonged to?

“He was a 23 year old college student. Tanaka, Ken. Majoring in radiology at Tokyo Medical and Dental University,

“He lived with his mother, and younger sister in Osaka. His father passed from bone cancer when he was fourteen, which was the catalyst moment that made him decide to pursue a career in medicine,

“Don't you think that they’re wondering why he’s not coming home for the holidays?”

He could be lying. And he could be telling the truth.

But deep down, you know Kenjaku is only trying to get under your skin. He’s trying to toy with your humanity. Giving in to him is what he wants.

In this situation, it would be best to remove your humanity from it. Choso is not something that exists differently from his body; he is not like Kenjaku. Whatever existed before him is dead now. Just another casualty.

Thinking so coldly doesn't help you process it any better. Something heavy makes itself home in your chest.

At the end of the day, the best case scenario is when a human has a normal death. And Choso’s host wasn't granted that.

“I never knew the guy,” you say, folding your hands in your lap. “why should I care?”

Kenjaku circles around you, stopping directly behind you. Your hand comes up to knead at your aching shoulder.

“And I didn't realize you were such a cold, hardened killer, Kamo.”

Kenjaku doesn't try to hide that he’s making fun of you. The back of the chair creaks as he sets his hands on it. He’s almost close enough for you to feel his breath on your neck. Almost. You suspect it’s all meant to bother you; his carefully chosen words, his closeness. All of it is meant to get under your skin.

“You've been in the Tomb of the Star Corridor, haven't you?” He asks.

You could lie. It wouldn't be a convincing one, but it's an option. Lying or not, Kenjaku will figure it out one way or another.

“I have.” You say. “I talked with Tengen too.”

You’re not really sure what angle you’re trying to play at with that last sentence. Kenjaku seems unphased.

“Have you thought about bearing me grandchildren yet?” He asks.

Bile forces its way up into your throat only to stick there. Kenjaku takes a sip of his tea as if this is simply another Tuesday afternoon to him.

“What the actual fuck?!” Your voice sounds an octave higher now. Sweat beads along your palms.

Kenjaku seems unphased. “I don't expect to be around forever,” he continues, “and this clan will need more heirs. With Noritoshi dealt with, the family line will branch out into my children.”

Meaning… any sons you and Choso have… will be next in line as the head of the Kamo clan.

A cold feeling slithers around your heart. Your meager breakfast threatens to make a reappearance.

“I won't have a son.” You say. It’s the quickest response you can think of.

“Son or daughter,” he says, setting his cup down, “your child will be strong,

“Have you not paid any attention to the cursed techniques they could inherit? Let alone what would happen if they combine?! Despite having no sorcerers in your lineage, both you and your brother have managed to awaken a cursed technique. Does that not strike you as odd?

“And your child's father—a curse user who is possibly the most talented user of Blood Manipulation—do you really think that any children you have won't inherit that?”

You think that, at this moment, you could reach right across the table and strangle him.

Funny. You recall your conversation with Yuki, not all that long ago. Then I hope there's a timeline where I kick Kenjaku's ass…

Kenjaku rests his chin on his hands, leaning towards you. He’s studying you; like a child to an insect. But the cockroach doesn't question the boot on its way down to squish it.

He retrieves something from his pocket. It's cardboard, and green. Cigarettes. Newports.

Your gaze falls to something square, and fleshy-colored on the table behind him. The prison realm.

Why hasn't he gotten rid of it? Why keep it so close?

Everything Kenjaku does is meticulously planned out. He does not move without intent. Each action he takes before you is carefully thought through.

He steps over to the table, plucking the prison realms up from it. Kenjaku holds the relic at arms length as if he's inspecting it. The eyes of the prison realm weep silently, and the body of Suguru Geto trembles.

He's taunting you.

“Why keep the prison realm?” You ask.

To you, it seems pointless to hold onto it. Keeping it around is only asking for someone to come grab it.

And for a very brief moment, you see Suguru Geto behind his eyes.

But the body remembers. The body knows that the prison realm has something it once held dear.

“Despite his change of heart in Shibuya, your brother and I agreed on many things: the merging of humanity and cursed spirits is inevitable.” He says. “How we would go about that is where we differed,

“James wanted to destroy cursed spirits from which they first formed: the string of fate. And the emergence of his cursed technique only furthered his efforts,

“Of course to do such a thing, he’d have to greatly amplify his cursed energy output. At his current state, committing such an act would not only kill him, but be incomplete.”

It doesn't seem to matter how hard you try to keep your composure; shock seeps through.

“Are you saying…?”

“James believed that the 1% of human beings born without a string of fate, were the ones truly free of cursed energy.” Kanjaku says. “He believed the only way to free humanity was to sever those bonds.”

Love is truly the most twisted curse of all.

“My brother may be able to create a string of fate, but I am the only one who can destroy it.” You lie. It doesn't matter if you win this, all you have to do is instill a seed of doubt. To pave the way for someone stronger, or smarter.

Kenjaku does a double take.

“If you sat and thought about it for more than a few minutes, you’d realize we have similar cursed techniques.” You say. “He creates the string of fate. I destroy it. We are two halves of the same coin.”

In an instant, this conversation has become the world's second worst game of chicken. If he does believe you, he doesn't let it show on his face. He sets down the prison realm, fingers drumming against the tabletop. It doesn't matter if you win this, all you have to do is instill a seed of doubt.

“That's quite literally impossible.” He says, looking unimpressed. “Only one person can-”

“You are in the body of the soulmate of Satoru Gojo,” you say. “How would I know that if I wasn't a soulmate sorcerer?”

Kenjaku sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I have nothing more for you,” he says, waving you away, “so I suggest you see yourself out.”

You’re close enough now to feel the heat radiating off his body. To smell the cursed energy that clings to his clothes. To see the fraying sutures on his forehead. Soft locks of hair spill over into his face.

The body remembers…

“We’re not done here,” you say.

And you swing your head into his.

Your forehead makes contact with the bridge of his nose, and a resounding crunch! follows. There’s no cursed energy behind the hit. Kenjaku doesn't brace for it either. Both of you recoil upon contact. The skin on the bridge of his nose is split down to the bone. It turns from white, to pink, then to red as blood begins pouring from the wound.

Adrenaline has kicked in full force. You become acutely aware of the pain in your head—or lack thereof. It strikes you: the feeling that this will come back to bite you in the ass later.

“The magic you are fucking with is far older than you or I.” You warn. “You may think you have destroyed Suguru Geto's soul entirely but you haven't. He's still dinging around in that skull of yours—I can feel him,

“The body remembers. It knows that the prison realm has something it once held dear, and that's why no matter how hard you try, you can't part from it.”

The next few seconds seem to stretch on into eternity. Kenjaku appears frozen, blinking the blood out of his eyes. You dive for the prison realm, your fingers ghosting across the surface of it before he swipes it away.

Out from the ground springs a cursed spirit. You don't properly see it, so much as you see the way the air warps around it. Its body is like that of a worm. Slimy. Its mouth opens, swallowing the prison realm whole, before it burrows back into the ground.

Did that thing just…?

His elbow connects with your sternum. The hit knocks you off your feet. By the time you hit the ground, you’re rolling onto your stomach. The floor is cold against your palms. As you weakly attempt to push yourself off the ground, you’re stopped by something: a foot pressing down against your back.

If he wanted you dead, you would be.

“One day, you will deem this world safe enough to have children.” Kenjaku says. “And no matter how far you run, or how hard you try to hide, your past will always catch up with you.”

#blood ties #choso x reader #jjk x reader #cw blood #does this count as slight body horror too? idk

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