#I've been going there to write my thesis btw. should probably mention that again for context lol

[running-in-the-dark]

so since I've been spending a lot of time with/near my mother lately, I've noticed that I have to repress all negative emotions when I'm around her (for lots of different reasons), and it's.. exhausting. I don't know how I ever lived like that.

#I mean. I know how. I wanted to die every second of it #it's not like that now #it's a lot and I hate it #but it's the only option if I want to get my degree (which I do) so. I'll have to get through it somehow #it helps that I've been listening to music while I'm there. which is funny because that's how I used to cope with it all when I was younger #idk it's the only thing that makes it okay. #I've been going there to write my thesis btw. should probably mention that again for context lol #today she talked about the way her neighbour treats her kids and it.. was so uncomfortable and horrible and she's just.. so mean? #like no dude the problem isn't that this woman isn't strict enough. it's that she & her husband yell at their kids & insult them all day #like I've heard it so many times and I haven't been there THAT often #but there's no point in arguing with her so I have to keep quiet and it kills me. like it feels wrong but I know it would be bad so I can't #say anything even though it's so fucking important to me. idk it's all so stupid #I wish I had a less useless brain. then I could just do my work at home like a normal person. but I can't so this is my only option. #oh also my mother doesn't really eat meals & I often just forget to eat so I've just not been eating when I'm there. so that's great. #kinda just hate everything at the moment #its fine but like. ugh. just make it stop please #personal