#IVE HAD TO FILL OUT THE QUESTIONAIRE FOR IT THREE IN THREE MONTHS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mariahsparkle206 · 6 years

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appointment results:

theres a ton more options i can consider with the whole IBS issue so im gonna try some over the counter solutions before trying for prescriptions.they really only told me diet last time and ive tried that for a year so???

then the big big topic: my mental health. so with IBS they already figured i had anxiety. and easy to see while im there. but depression. the nurse is all checking me in and she asks have i been feeling depressed. i froze. and then very quietly said yes. and i almost started bawling because im finally finally admitting it and putting my step in the door and its actually going to be on my medical record. she gives me a small one page questionaire to fill out for the doc and leaves. im sitting there staring at the questionaire, and completely fucking lie. i couldnt check any of the boxes for every day for any of the symptoms. but honestly, every symptom on that list i experience every day. then when it came to feeling down/hopeless/better off dead, i could only check the sometimes. for the box about self harm / suicidal feelings, i couldnt bring myself to be honest at all, so i just checked the no box. the doc comes in and says well seems you are depressed, not majorly but you are. and starts talking about it. yada yada yada and suddenly looks at me and i just immediately blurt out “oh its situational im sure you know school and home life and blah blah” .... i completely fucking chickened out about how fucking serious my depression is. i mean at least now its in my file. but realistically im moving out in like two and half months maybe three so it doesnt make sense to find a counselor or therapist before i move. so im going to wait till after to find someone. plus my doctor is retiring this year so i have to find a whole new doctor later this year as well. might as well do it all in one go. and i’ll feel less nervous about someone contacting my mother or having to deal with my mother if some how what i say gets out. if that makes sense.

i think im going to try university counseling again. i mean last time i just filled out a questionaire (again lied) and then asked about what id likely get assigned to and when they said group therapy i just left. i really dont think group will work for me. but i think this time i’ll go in and ask for a one on one session and fill out the questionaire honestly and actually attach my name to this one lmao. and if they say group therapy, i’ll try it for a little bit before turning my back on it. you know? i dont know.

all in all, i am proud of myself for at least admitting it and getting it put into my file, but i am disappointed that i lied or couldnt be fully forth coming with everything.

#about the blogger #text posts #they also gave me some over the counter and self help options for mental health #so i think i;ll just try focusing on that this summer then worry about getting a professional to help with mental heatlh #idk #very personal #very very personal #be warned

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