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gothamcityneedsme · 11 months

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Ok and now the more important task of finding Tav where I'm not sure he is.

What is birds? That's the one I can't place at all. And what is Shadows and Smoke? It feels familiar but I don't think my memory is accurate

@abysskeeper hilariously (and obviously) tav is in all of the pieces except the ones specifically named for other characters, lmao. its like .either the character's name is in the title OR its about tavon. oops.

under a readmore because it got long.

birds

birds i may have told you about, but also not. i open birds a LOT for how short it is, just a little dialogue snippets. i really want to make it bigger but whenever i open it, i feel like im Not Clever Enough, so then it gets closed. i looove it though.

birds, aka, why Tavon made them a little honeymoon suite on Rishi:

"So, out of all the places you could've set this up--all the little corners of the galaxy that are great for hiding--what made you choose Rishi?"

"The sights, the smells, the locals. The danger. The fact that its so easy to put on another face here--that I have already done so and have a little powerbase."

"…the nature as well, admittedly." "The nature? It isn't even cold." "No--I know that wouldn't be suitable for you. But, temperature isn't what I meant. I meant the birds." "The birds?" she asked, raising a surprised eyebrow. "Yes. I quite like birds. Not that I have an interest in studying them or suchlike--I simply find them pleasing, and Rishi has a good amount of them."

aka. my 'tavon likes birds and finds them pleasing' propaganda. tavon is a character uninterested in having pets (outside of his childhood dog) and even in universes where it works to have animal companions, it isn't really an angle he goes for. despite that, and how much tavon is also not a fan of most nature (being a snow and tundra kinda guy), i've always wanted him to like an aspect of the outdoors that was bigger than climate or just, being outside in general.

anyways. he likes birds. they aren't creatures for the cold, so they're something that don't really exist in his favorite climates. but he still likes them. likes how they sound, likes to see them. could go birdwatching but probably wouldn't be into it enough to be a fully hobbyist, just like, a casual.

i never get to make him a bird fan. so that's what 'birds' is for. trick learns something new about Tavon. the end.

Shadows and Smoke

this story is about tavon's worst fear becoming reality! he volunteers for a long-cover mission that ends up being longer than it was supposed to be. His loyalty to his side remains intact even though he was behind enemy lines, but somewhere along the way he loses himself. He starts thinking of himself as his cover name, and he feels as though his identity has left him. He isn't sure what to do or how to regain the man he was, and he regrets deeply what has happened. Guilt gnaws at him throughout the story, and he keeps having flashbacks to his original training, where he was molded to be a man bereft of identity.

Shadows and Smoke, aka, the story where Tavon becomes Marc. i'll share a few scenes from this one b/c tbh its so fucking Good i love it so much:

scene 1, aka, Trick, as his wife, notices he is strange upon his return:

The first night they were able to share their bed again, she expected him to flirt with her, to charm her off her feet and out of her clothes. That was similar to how it had usually gone when he had returned from a longer mission.

But, this time he was strangely quiet, almost unsure. He responded well whenever she spoke, but left to his own he seemed to be...in doubt.

It perplexed her, and she wondered just what it had done to him, to have been on such an intense mission for so long.

She sat up when he laid down beside her, leaning over to gently kiss him. He accepted the gesture, but made no move to make it more, and so she didn't either. She pulled back, her hair trailing over the pillow, a curtain between them and the world.

She was going to say something, to ask him what was wrong, but he spoke before she could.

"I'm tired," he said quietly, and the words did match some of what she saw in his eyes. "I feel as though I've been away forever, and that this is but a dream."

"It's no dream," she soothed, brushing her thumb across his cheek, "You're home, and I'm here. I waited, just as you asked." A smirk tugged at the corner of her lips, "I even kept myself out of trouble. I figured you were in more than enough for the two of us."

"I was," he replied softly. He was looking at her in that way where it made her feel like she was the only other person in his world--the only person who got to know him like this, hear him speak like this. It softened her while also making her sadder--she knew it must have been impossibly difficult for him, to have been under so long. She listened as he continued, "Every day felt like another test to see just how far I could stretch. I waited for an inevitable snap the longer I remained."

"And did that time come?" she whispered, "The snap?"

His voice was strained, his eyes lost. "I don't know."

scene 2, aka, Marc and Tavon are different, Marc exists as a truth Tavon has never been. They are, in some ways, antithetical:

Who was Marc Hinan? Certainly he was more honest than Tavon ever was, especially once he had returned to where he belonged--with the mission complete, secrets could fall away.

From what Marc remembered, Tavon was never really one to drop the secrets. There was always something hidden away, something that was only for him to know. He didn't share all of his burdens, even with those he trusted.

Marc, though, had no such qualms. He had, of course, while hiding. But, he was out now. Finally free to be...

To be Marc, he supposed--the Marc that was hiding even within the identity of himself. The underlayer of Marc, of which he had *thought* had been Tavon, but now he was realizing, that somewhere along the way Tavon had been scraped out, covered up, set aside.

It had been to dangerous for Tavon to be the truth. And so...he wasn't.

scene 3, aka, a flashback. tavon has been conditioned and molded to be a certain way, to be a perfect tool. Only now has the harm that has done to him really become clear--ripping him asunder.

The voices of those who trained him stay with him, their names long forgotten, but their words and teachings, echoing in the hollow shell of his mind. (these scenes are second person, they are dreams)

Feel nothing. No pleasure, no pain. Whether you're warm and safe or on the threshold of death, what you feel is the absolute same. You are a shell, to only be filled with a mission. Unless duty calls for it, you will have nothing inside.

No happiness. No relief.

You remembered the feeling of the cold barrel of a gun pressed against your forehead. You stared straight ahead, unflinching even as the acrid scent of gunpowder entered your nostrils.

No fear.

there's so many good scenes in this story. I am so utterly fond of it.

#shitpost #abysskeeper #tavon #going into the tavon tag because theres so much Him here #i LOVE shadows and smoke so FUCKING much #i reread ti all the time. my writing in it slaps #i put 3 scenes in here but really i love so so many more of the scenes too

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