#Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not

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I'm so sorry that my blog has literally just become all about my Mother in Law's descent to the underworld at the moment but when I say it's consumed my entire waking life because she literally won't accept care from anyone but me and even I'm struggling to get her to accept the care she claims to want from me, that's really like ... Understating it massively. And with family now converging I am also having to feed an army of people on top of it all.

I do not exist. I do not know what or who I am right now. I am not a person. I likely won't be for a while, and I am so sorry to everyone for that.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Trigger Warning

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She passed just after we finished her bath this afternoon, around 2:00 pm. I and the bath aid held her hands while it happened.

And Ruth said, “Do not entreat me to forsake you, to turn back from you. For wherever you go, I will go. And wherever you lodge, I will lodge. Your people [are] my people, and your God is my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. So may the LORD do to me or even more, for only death will part you and me”.

#Personal #2024 #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Religion & Magic #Trigger Warning

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According to her Doctor, as of today, the prognosis is that my Mother in Law officially only has 2 months to live. As of today she's officially being discharged from the Rehab Clinic to Hospice for palliative care, and she'll remain at the house with us until she passes.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Trigger Warning

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Hid a Pennsylvania Dutch blessing card (made out to ease her passing instead) between the air mattress and the spring bed. Got my Husband's permission to do it before I snuck it under there, and he agreed it was the right thing to do. Hopefully it'll help some- or at least negate their ridiculous praying for some insane miraculous recovery that's never going to happen.

There is literally no recovering from this. She has an incredibly violent and rare cancer that is too far spread now. It's literally eating her bones to dust and destroying her blood cells. Even if she did miraculously recover she would never walk again, would need a million machines, and would be incredibly brittle and constantly breaking stuff. Not only has she explicitly expressed that she doesn't want to live like that while she was still of sound mind, but God made his choice already by speeding it up so much so quickly.

Forcing her to continue to suffer by trying to heal her at this point is ultimately cruel. The kindest thing we can do is make her passing as peaceful and pain free as possible- and she explicitly asked for people to pray for exactly that while she was still cognizant.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Pennsylvania Braucherei #Religion & Magic #Trigger Warning

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My Mother in Law finally made it to the Rehab Clinic this evening and will be there for 30 to 45 days. We finally got a chance to catch up, alone, with my Father in Law at home now that we're all in the same city again and it's ... Exactly what I was afraid of.

My Mother in Law is officially in the final stages of Multiple Myeloma, and is now actively dying; the Cancer has finally reached her brain, and has caused multiple irreparable lesions, as well as some major shrinkage- which is what's causing the confusion, angry outbursts, and other issues she's been experiencing lately; they still can't figure out why the Myeloma surged all of a sudden out of nowhere after Hannukah / Christmas, or why it's not responding to treatment now.

We've formally been given the option (by her care team and primary Doctor) of either

Continuing to try and fight it; or

Beginning Hospice and EOL Care.

It's her wish, as of right now, when she's of clear mind, to continue fighting it- and she's absolutely convinced that she can beat it despite all evidence saying otherwise at this point. Thankfully my Father in Law doesn't want her to suffer and is willing to metaphorically "walk off path of life" (as he's putting it) if he doesn't see it as sustainable for her, and as only prolonging severe pain. So we (as a family- though we're all in agreement that he really has the right to the final say about it as her Husband) will reevaluate things once her stint at the Rehab Clinic is over ... It may be, though, that she leaves Rehab and comes home to Hospice for us to say goodbye for good.

My Husband's not handling it well.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Trigger Warning

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Today's going to be busy. We've gotta:

Get groceries to pad out what we've already meal planned for the week since we have 3 additional people to feed now (though that's not going to be too bad, since we were able to get a pickup order scheduled for right around dinner time so all he has to do now is just pop over to pick it up while I start prepping dinner for everyone);

Pick up my Husband's FMLA paperwork the next town over- then run it by his work to turn it in;

Go by the bank to fix my bank card (because it's being stupid and won't let me activate the new one);

Pick up my medication from the Pharmacy;

Plus the Aid is coming by at some point to give my Mother in Law her usual bath, and I need to fold all the laundry from her bath on Monday and get everything set up for her so we don't have to go hunting around the house for everything again.

And we've gotta do it all by 4:30 / 5:00 pm that way we can be back in time to meet my Grandparents in Law, who're coming into town tonight right as my Father in Law is leaving for a speech he promised to give to a youth group about the car accident he almost died in like 15 years ago.

The organizer of the same group is in my Father in Law's Tuesday night Church Group, and the group was so kind to collect donations for us for grocery money last night, and dropped it off today; they wanted to do food, but I've got the meal planning so locked down they did the grocery money instead. It was so sweet of them, and we're all so grateful for it.

Her breathing is a lot more shallow and labored today than it has been. She's also coughing a lot more than she has been, too. I'm betting good money she doesn't last until the end of the week, and honestly that's so crushing.

This blog belongs to a «Multi-Neuroatypical + Multi-Disabled» «Queer» «Childless» «Jewish + Pagan» «NonTraditionalist» Homemaker. TradWives are unwelcome.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Homemaking #Homemaker #Housewife #NonTrad Homemaker #NonTrad Housewife #NonTrad Homemaking #Trigger Warning

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We finally got caught up with my Father in Law again tonight over dinner; he got home just as I was starting it, so we all got a chance to eat together again. It wasn't a fun conversation, to say the least.

We've basically officially made the Hospice decision for my Mother in Law tonight. Kind of. In a way.

Basically she's refusing to eat or drink at this point. We don't know why. She won't articulate why (or can't, we can't figure out which). But she's dehydrated as hell, and her confusion's getting worse again. And her pain isn't stabilizing. On top of that, she's basically trying to keep my Father in Law with her 24 / 7 at the Rehab clinic because "she's afraid". She's always afraid, never wants to be alone, and outright won't even let the nurses touch her half the time. On top of that, she's fighting Physical Therapy.

She says she wants to fight to survive, but everything she's doing is the absolute opposite of it. So in the words of my Father in Law: "I'm basically approaching it now as if Hospice is the only option. But I'm still going to push for her to finish out the time in Rehab just in case". Because there's really only so much we can do. If she's outright essentially refusing the treatment we've put right there in front of her I mean ... There's literally nothing we can do. She has to actually be the one to take these steps and despite what she's saying she wants, her actions are consistently providing the opposite results.

So. That's where we're at now.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Trigger Warning

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You wait and wait and wait for something to be over, and then once it finally is ... You have no idea what to do with yourself anymore. A bit ironic, that, isn't it?

#Personal #2024 #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Trigger Warning

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My Mother in Law was talking around Christmas about how she really wants to cut down the Pecan Tree in the back yard this year "so she can have more space to Garden". And it's kind of the most ridiculous thing; my Husband and I both agree that it's sort of a whole new level of crazy for his mom at this point.

The back Pecan Tree sits directly in the center of the yard and shades the entire yard to an extent. Not fully, though; there's still plenty of light, and it still gets plenty hot out there. Especially during high Summer whenever the Sun shifts finally. But it's just enough shade that the Oklahoma heat doesn't entirely fry everything in the backyard- which is huge and incredibly important out here given how quickly our Sun and heat will absolutely fry everything in sight.

But just besides that really important fact ... She really doesn't even garden anyways? I mean, she always starts a garden every year. But she always starts even the basic things too late for anything to really grow right- and then by the time May or June rolls around, she's never actually out there in it doing anything. She's not even the one doing any of the work on it. Occasionally she'll waddle out there and pick a Tomato or 2, or a Pepper if they've survived, but that's pretty much it. It's literally all my Father in Law- and the most he really even does is turn on the hose to water it.

They don't weed anything. They definitely don't keep the trumpet vine under control. They never fertilize anything. The soil in their beds are the worst quality top soil you can get (that's water resistant to boot) because they refuse to buy proper soil ... And then she'll literally sit inside all day for the rest of the year and complain about how everything dies, and it's so hard to grow anything here, and how she never had this much trouble gardening at the farm; it never stops, and it's mind numbing to listen to every. single. year.

And I get she has Cancer and can't do a lot of things anymore. She doesn't seem to get that herself, however? Like, she literally says she "feels like it's giving up" to even so much as use a cane ... To me ... The person who literally uses a Cane daily now thanks to Covid; she absolutely refuses to acknowledge she has Cancer and that gives her a lot of very significant limitations, and work within them. She's still trying to do everything she was doing before, and then even more, and then whines constantly whenever it doesn't work out for her. And I truly don't get it.

Cutting down the Pecan really makes no sense. Why cut down a perfectly healthy old growth tree (one that's even providing additional food) "to have more space to garden" when you not only can't garden in the first place, but really don't even garden anyways whenever you "try" to- and what gardening you do try to do is half-assed to the max. Especially when the tree's basically what's saving what little you do plant to begin with. It's the definition of insanity.

«Oklahoma - Region 2» ⬩ «Grow Zone 7a» ⬩ «Heat Zone 8»

#Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Personal #2024 #My Garden #Garden 2024 #Gardening #Witchy Gardening #Witches Garden #Witch's Garden #Gardenblr #Plantblr #Green Witch #Green Witchcraft #Disabled Gardener #Gardeners On Tumblr #GardenBlog #Oklahoma

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Someone, at some point yesterday, put a healing Psalm beneath her pillow (specifically the paper says [Psalm 41:3 "The LORD sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness; GOD will restore them back to health again"]). I found it today while doing her morning medication routine, and I cannot express the depths of my fucking anger over it right now.

I don't recognize the handwriting, but I think I have an idea of who potentially did it (or two options, anyways). By God if it gets confirmed to be who I think it was, they're getting an ass chewing about it- and I don't care anymore if it's my place or not. I'm tired of people disrespecting this family's clearly laid out wishes for her. I don't care if they're my Father in Law's Step Father, or their Church Pastor, or whoever. It's fucking inappropriate.

Let the goddamned woman die. Stop forcing her to suffer when the rest of us are ready to let her go and don't want to see her in any more pain anymore. Goddamned people are just as bad as her Sister conspiring to tell her "it's ok to let go" without her fucking Husband here yesterday.

The fuck is wrong with y'all?

#Talk About Mixed Fucking Messages #Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Religion & Magic #Trigger Warning

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She attacked me this morning. Her sister made a joke about practicing for the WWE. The nurse is baffled by how nonchalant I am about it- especially how calm I was in the middle of it happening. I think I scare people now. But it wasn't really that bad, honestly? I dodged her punches, so I didn't wind up getting hit- though she doesn't have much strength, anyways. And her having ahold of my arm digging in her nails and trying to give me Twist Burns was ultimately keeping her from trying to get out of bed more, or pull her catheter out or her diaper off like she had been prior to grabbing ahold on me. And it gave me a sneaky opportunity to get the Lorazepam lotion on her wrist. So I mean ...

Plus, how else am I supposed to deal with it? It's not like it's her at this point. She doesn't really understand what's going on, or what she's doing. She's already talking to dead people. Like ... I can't be mad at her for any of it. I can really only take it in stride.

Unfortunately it does seem the pudding trick only worked the first time. And she doesn't even trust me to give her meds anymore now. So this is going to be interesting. The Nurses are trying to get the liquid forms of her medications as fast as possible, though, since she's refusing food and water and medication now. But they've already brought over a new anxiety medication that should hopefully help with the psychosis. We'll see how it goes.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Trigger Warning

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We're officially safely home from Tulsa. We did get a later start than we wanted — plus we stopped in Sandsprings to grab new Windshield Wipers from the Walmart as soon as we got in, and swapped them out right there in the parking lot.

Turns out we hadn't replaced ours in a long time and the first bit of rain we hit on the way there made it very abundantly clear we were not making it home without a new set if rain was on the table. So we just did it first thing before even getting to the Hospital. Glad for it, too, because the second we left Tulsa it was heavy rain the whole way back.

Anyway, the update is that based on exploratory finds during surgery, plus her XRays, it's very likely that the bone deterioration from the Multiple Myeloma is far more extensive than initially believed; based on the break alone and how clean it is, the bone broke first as she pivoted to turn, and that caused the fall (which then caused the Pelvis break) rather than the other way around. Probably because the Myeloma had already been eating away at the interior of the bone- which was supported by the fact he found some damage during surgery, much further up in the joint away from the initial break.

We also found out that I was right the night she took the fall. What I saw was, in fact, her entire thigh just caving in two; the break in the Femur was all the way through, breaking it in two. And by the position the bone was left in once everything was done, If I hadn't seen that, hadn't made them stop, and hadn't made them call the Ambulance, she likely wouldn't've survived. It's very likely that more movement in the manner my FIL was gunning for would've eventually knicked her artery. But as it was, we got incredibly lucky. And as a bonus the EMT team caught the break too and it sounds like they stabilized it so well the ER had to cut into her skin to cut the bandage holding the splint on her off.

So all that was incredibly fun to learn. They are definitively keeping her until Tuesday, though. Past that, her release hinges entirely on her Physical Therapy and movement. As for care options, after my Husband had a bit of a stern talk with him on Saturday over text, it does look like he's taking finding an alternative carrer seriously. So Baruch HaShem for that 🙏

As an aside, the absolute size of the Saint Francis Hospital in Tulsa is mind boggling. I've litterally never seen a hospital that big. They have a color coded elevator system. We got lost twice trying to find the main lobby to leave. It's insane.

That's all we really got, though. We dropped off 3 changes of clothes, some personal hygeine products for him, and a phone charger, and then booked it home before the worst of the storms hit. My body is in so much pain now, however. So I've popped a full Delta-8 gummy and am chilling in the bath with the door open so Mr. Oscar can come in and get love and attention as needed. Which seems to be every second without his Humans here; he's literally just perpetually camped out curled up next to the bathtub right now and it's kind of cute actually.

Adorable little Fat Man. I'm so sad he can't be at the Hospital with them.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #Fibromyalgia #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Trigger Warning

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Father in Law tested positive late last night after having to be finaggled into taking a test by my Mother in Law because he apparently hadn't felt well all day, and told no one until after I tested positive and told everyone in the house. And now my Husband woke up with the start of minor symptoms this morning. Yay.

We're all pretty sure my Father in Law is the source, and that he likely picked it up at the Candlelight Vigil he attended right before Christmas. Which we told him not to go to 🙃 But religion is always more important to them than reason. So Idk why I'm surprised.

ETA: Husband so far continues to show literally the tiniest of symptoms and I am very jealous. He did stay home to take care of me today, however. So I will forgive him for having the immune system of a freaking Boar or something.

#Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Personal #2023 #Alphabet Soup #Covid #Hell Is Real and Having Covid Is It

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So the update thusfar is that she's being admitted for Observation for the next 3 to 4 days. They currently think it's some kind of infection causing the issues (rather than something like Dementia). So my Husband and I will probably drive up to visit, bring some stuff up for them, and generally check in on things once he gets out of work tonight.

#Personal #2024 #Alphabet Soup #Multiple Myeloma #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Trigger Warning

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We legitimately thought today was going to be the day. She rejected her 11 am dose of medicine in the most violent way possible (I'll spare the details; it wasn't pretty. It was assaulting to all of the senses), and the way it was done, we were sure it was going to be soon. But she calmed down and stabilized finally.

I don't know what it was today, but I saw my Husband crying in all of that commotion while I was trying to coordinate everyone and get Hospice called for an examination, and it broke me; I've seen him cry a thousand times- far worse than today, even- since this started going downhill in December, but something in today just ... Opened the floodgates in me finally.

I'm annoyingly high empathy when it comes to interacting with media. The slightest sad bit encountered in text, or movie, or game, and I'm bawling my eyes out like a stupid, overemotional little toddler ... People's real life pain, suffering, and even death, though? Has always had little effect on me no matter how close they are on me; I'm so low empathy that I was once called "more heartless than Satan" by my own parents growing up. I had to actively teach myself how to respond "appropriately" to these situations.

In short: I mask death, dying, pain, and sadness. I mimic sympathy and empathy. It's the right thing to do on a Human level. But I don't actually feel it too well on a personal level. It's been incredibly useful these last couple of months, however, and let me care for his mom properly without anything getting in the way. And by all counts, I've done that successfully. The family- including my Husband- has been raving about it and thanking me left and right for giving her the best care to the point it actively makes me uncomfortable.

But I don't know what happened today ... Seeing him crying. Not being able to hold him to comfort him ... I don't know if I'm just at my wit's end exhausted finally, or what. But I finally just started sobbing, too. And since it's started, I haven't been able to get it to stop. But at first it was for him and the fact he was losing his mom. Now, though, it's moved from crying for him to crying for her.

Like ... God, all the times I complained about her. The way she spoke about God and religion drove me nuts, and I hated that she was Pentecostal. She got on my nerves so often because she was horrid at communicating basic things. And we just had different living preferences. We butted heads a lot over it while we lived together ... And yet ... Still, we loved each other ... Still, I'm the only person she's ever forgiven for breaking something sentimental of hers; the only "woman" in her sons' lives she's ever called her daughter- and the only one she's ever let call her mom. She loved it; I was the one she wanted giving her medicine in her final days, and nursing her.

She called me her "Baby Girl"- and then before she slipped into the null state finally, when she was still cognizant most days, he called me "Her Ruth". I never read her the Book of Ruth like I promised I would when she was still cognizant, though; with everything going on and so many people to coordinate, I just never got the chance to do it like we'd talked about. I finally asked for the room today and read it to her, sobbing the whole way through (I didn't think I was going to be able to do it, I just kept crying so hard). And I'll read it again at her funeral when it's time- and again and again every year on her Yahrzeit.

And I'll say the Mourner's Kaddish for the next year when she finally passes. And I'll save a lock of her hair. And I'll get cremation jewelry made when her ashes are returned to us finally. And I'll build her an Ancestral Altar all her own- and hopefully she'll like it and won't find it offensive. And I'll give her offerings of Decaffeinated Lady Grey (a Tea I introduced her to, that wound up becoming her favorite) and the incenses we bought her for her Birthday last year that she never wanted to burn "because then it'll all be gone"; I'll do for her all the things I would have done for my Biological Mother had she ever been worthy of the title. Because she was my mom who finally taught me what a normal, non-abusive family should've been like. Warts, and glitter, and all.

#Personal #2024 #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Trigger Warning

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Guess who got an Ambulance ride last night and a Life Flight to Tulsa at 1 am this morning? Hint: It wasn't me.

Mother in Law went to the bathroom and took a tumble coming out. My Father in Law was just going to take her to her preferred hospital via car like normal until I saw that her thigh basically dimpled in two when they moved it and made them stop immediately. Told them what I saw, and my Father in Law didn't get it initially. Thankfully my Husband did (he was originally training to be an EMT for a bit, allll the way back when we first met while I was still in my Senior year of High School). He freaked out and backed me up when I told my FIL to call the Ambulance for this one and let them handle it.

Thankfully he listened and called them instead of fighting us on it. The EMTs were super sweet when they came, too. But it was a pain to get the wheely-deely into the house, and then into the living room where we'd managed to safely move her for access for them; turns out 1950's houses are definitely not built for ease of modern EMT equipment. They still managed to get her stabilized and out, though. Took her to her preferred hospital, even, for the initial check-in.

Final diag is a broken Femur (bingo, I was right and caught it before he moved her too much and turned that really fucking bad), and a broken Pelvis. All on the side where she's been getting Radiation treatment for the pain, where the Multiple Myeloma's eaten holes through her bones. She needs Orthopedic Surgery- hence the Life Flight, because no one in our area has Orthopedic available anymore.

They're both in Tulsa now and my Husband and I are watching the house. We're bone exhausted, and I've still got the Purim Party at Synagogue tomorrow that I'm supposed to be carpooling for at 6:30 am- and who knows how long my car mates will want to stay. But at this rate who knows if I'm going to be going.

ETA: Mother in Law was able to get into surgery today instead of tomorrow, and they didn't have to fly blood with her antibodies in from out of state again. She went in at 4:30, and was done and in recovery around 8:20 pm.

They put a metal rod in her leg, but didn't do anything for her Pelvis for now. They're going to see how it starts healing and go from there; the way she broke it tends not to be an operable injury, but given her age and the Cancer they want to observe to make sure. Either way, they're definitively keeping her until Tuesday as far as I know.

#Personal #2023 #Alphabet Soup #Broken Bones #Multiple Myeloma #Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #She Called Me 'Her Ruth' #Trigger Warning