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waterparchive · 5 years

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Toxic Fandom, Public Heartbreak, And The Feedback Loop

Travis Riddle – October 29, 2019

Fandom by Waterparks is one of my favorite albums of the year, regardless of the fact that…I am friends with the band. There was not a single track that immediately stood out as my favorite like Take Her to the Moon and Peach on previous albums--but I think that's because everything on this one is so good, it's impossible to choose one. I Miss Sex/War Crimes/I Felt Younger would probably comprise my top 3, but every song is fantastic. And the album is on the shorter side but you truly don't feel that length, these songs all go through so many different movements--lyrically and musically--that every song is just dense as hell and it feels a lot longer than it is, while still not feeling overwhelming or messy at all. It flows great and hits some really interesting themes.

This write-up was initially sent to Awsten on the album’s release date, and I’ve edited it a little below for clarity/brevity, because I would not shut up about it.

1. Cherry Red - Starting the album off with that bark/yell is so tight. A year and a half ago in that parking lot going to get crawfish together I didn't really "get" this song, but after hearing the album several times it really clicked for me. I love how it acts as kind of a setup to the whole thing, getting the listener into your mindset and introducing one of the main themes of the album. I also like how it continues your color motifs; "blue and yellow let’s get together and be green" has now gone bad and turned to sour green, and it seems like cherry red is replacing yellow (red + yellow = orange hmmmmm). I also love how "You know I died for you" ties into the closing track, "I said I loved you to death so I must be dead."

2. WWHN - A really great choice for the first full song of the album to set the tone for the Fandom theme in contrast with Cherry Red setting up the emotional side of the lyrics. It's also a goddamn jam so it's great at hyping up right at the start hahah. I've probably told you everything about this already but I like what you're saying in this, and how it's something probably every single artist goes through in their career, but no one seems to say in a critical way (that I’m aware of). I'm sure this and other songs will make some fans upset because they're being called out but I like that, and it's some stuff that needs to be said.

3. Dream Boy - Lots of good stuff about fan expectations in this, dressed up in metaphors and really catchy pop to catch people off-guard. Love the phrase "Build-A-Boy, pick your pieces" and "Do you believe in love and is it because of me?" With people's weird way of crafting their whole lives and beliefs and desires on these celebrities that they don't know personally at all yet are so invested in.

4. Easy to Hate - I feel like this is the most straightforward and "simple" song thematically, but man it is so catchy. The sound effect that I'm sure is your voice in the opening before the verse is so damn cool. I like this first real hint of the colors turning to red. This is thematically pretty similar to other demos like ********* and Play and stuff so with how catchy and big this chorus is, it's easy to see why you chose this one to cover that topic. I'm also a sucker for someone doing the chorus in a song but stripped down like you do here. Those harmonies in the final chorus are also soooo good..........

5. High Definition - You're on some Imogen Heap-ass shit here and it's dope. I like this as a single choice since I feel like the emotional side of the album really hinges on this track--it's not a breakup album in the typical sense (aside from like Easy to Hate and Worst), but rather it's about the aftermath of the breakup and the emotional state surrounding that, the doubts and insecurities and vulnerabilities of losing trust in everybody due to one person’s actions, and this song is such a direct and succinct and sad encapsulation of that. Hate how this whole song makes me feel for my friend but it's also really pretty and good.

6. Telephone - This is some real Hellogoodbye-ass shit here with the ending of the chorus hahah. The juxtaposition between this and High Definition is interesting, basically both songs coming to the same conclusion--not committing to a relationship--but in totally opposite ways. With this one basically being "I won't tell you how I'm feeling, I'll just go write lyrics/sing voice memos/tweet." Is this about the damn pretty Target girl you tweeted about once? "Now I'm living on a target" and "all these aisles feel like miles" hmmmmMMM. This wasn't my favorite when I first heard it but it realllllly grew on me and now I love it. The chorus is so good and I love what you're doing with the music/harmonies in the background of it. Also the dumb shit after "I'll follow" always makes me laugh. Then the dichotomy between this/HD is emphasized in the closing Wedding Singer sample which I feel like represents the fandom; you’re going through this huge emotional turmoil, but we’re reaping the benefits by getting great songs out of it.

7. Group Chat - It works as a goofy little interlude but I also like what it says thematically (if I'm not just pulling this out of my ass anyway). On one hand it seems to me like a commentary on the inanity of some fan group chats, how in some of them they all act like they're best friends but really it's just a surface-level friendship. "My name's [whatever] and we're all friends! :D" and then also with the effect on your voice, seems to imply to me how mentally draining everyone in the fandom can sometimes be on you more so than Geoff and Otto.

8. Turbulent - I know some people just gotta have their metaphors and shit in their lyrics but I love how direct this song is. Just plainly stating things makes them feel so much more raw and real. I can't see how you could more powerfully convey the anger and hurt than with "I'd unfuck you if I could." Also the "sOoOoO" in the second chorus is still best part (also the barks). Also the pitched-down backup vocals are tight in this song, really gets you into the frantic, pissed off headspace.

9. NBA - I like the potential double meaning of the chorus in this one; everyone in LA looks like you cause I'm missing you and seeing you everywhere, but also it’s kind of insulting, like "everyone in LA looks like you, you're not special." But aside from that, another very pretty albeit sad song. The chorus with full instrumentation and harmonies really hits hard. I also like the 11:11 connection with tying breath in knots; you're always really great at bringing back recurring images and lines in your writing, it makes your discography feel really connected and like you're actually writing these things, it's not some producer in a studio writing lyrics for you. These songs all lead into each other; the songs on Fandom could not exist without what came before in DD and Entertainment. That evolution is always really interesting to see, how these different motifs recur and change their meaning over time. I assume the main metaphor of this might also be a callback to Crybaby with “chasing through dreams in bloom.”

10. IMHSBALIDWDA - Definitely one of my favorites, it's just so damn fun. And once again some cool vocal effect you have going on in the background, which I always love. The lyrics here are fun but also biting; I've been thinking of this as a commentary on how fans don't really care about an artist's well-being or life even if they try to act like they do, they just want new songs and good performances and new merch etc. etc. no matter what it means the artist is going through or how they feel when they sing these emotionally devastating songs. So the chorus to me is kinda like a self-care anthem in a way, setting aside all the negative stuff and admitting to yourself hey, at least I feel kind of better now; maybe not entirely better, but I'm getting there.

11. War Crimes - Another song with sad lyrics but musically it goes so damn hard, another favorite. "I'm forgetting how to hate myself" is one of my favorite lyrics on the album, as is "My death will be the fandom." I don't even totally know what to say about this song cause sooo much is going on and it's just crazy. "Let's go!" is also a favorite moment. And the "I saved my own life" calling back to Not Warriors is tight.

12. [Reboot] - Hey is "I need to sleep alone" a reference to Sleep Alone!!!!!?!???? I've already talked to you about this song a lot too so I don't have much new to say. The vocal effect on the bridge is dope. The breaths before verse 2 are maybe my favorite part, as well as what you do on "all on you" including holding out "you" into the chorus. And whatever's going on in the background at the end of that second chorus, I can't tell if it's vocals or instruments or what, but it sounds really cinematic and cool.

13. Worst - This new version is so cool, it has so much texture that the demo didn't. Vocals are also really pretty. The added bass and electronics really add a lot of rhythm and an interesting vibe to this; the bass is almost jazzy in a way? But then the electronics/percussion are almost like a dance beat but really stripped down? I dunno, it's such an odd combination, especially with the guitar just being acoustic. One of the most interesting songs on the album sonically despite being comparatively "simple" at first listen.

14. Zone Out - My least fave just because it's such a simple interlude, but what I like that it does is like...basically comments on the preceding songs I guess? It's like a question to the listener. At the beginning you've got Dream Boy setting up their expectations, then this comes at the very end and essentially asks them, "After hearing all of these angry heartbroken songs, am I still your dream boy? Do you still think love exists because of me even though I've gone through all this and don’t believe in it myself?" I like that it makes the listener confront their previous feelings and expectations before we dive into the finale.

15. IFYWWM - First off I absolutely love the effect you put on the vocals at the start of this, especially with how that effect abruptly cuts off; it's so weird and interesting and I never get tired of hearing it. The difference between the demo and this final version is amazing, I love this song. And "I said I loved you to death so I must be dead" is such a great one-two punch; it hits hard as a "fuck you!" line with being a way to say you don't love her anymore, but then you realize how sad it is that the effect has been this emotional death that pervades the entire album and eventually leads right back into Cherry Red. Which is also a depressing ending; it's so abrupt without any closure about anything talked about on the album, and the way that it circles back into the opener kind of implies to me that maybe there's a sense of circularity to everything, it's unending, the songs will always be fueled by heartbreak and the emotional trauma will never go away and dealing with it in the public eye of the fandom will always be overbearing.

http://www.travismriddle.com/blog/2019/10/29/toxic-fandom-public-heartbreak-and-the-feedback-loop

#travis riddle #fandom #waterparks #waterparks band

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mysurveys · 7 years

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Random Qs

Survey #25 on the Countdown to 2018!

This survey is also from last Tuesday.

What're five things you want to do before the year ends?

I need to start ACNLv2, but the right time hasn't come yet. I also want to do some things I'd had on my agenda for last year that I could never get around to because of my health like starting a scrap journal.

I'm also looking to collect more Amiibo that're compatible with ACNLv2 and I've got to get back to cleaning my room. Then there's focusing on my eating habits for which I'm seeing a dietitian now. I need to drink less Zeroes!

What color are your pants?

I'm wearing pink and black PJ pants.

What's your favorite motivational quote?

"I am the cat who walks by herself." It's said by Catwoman in Batman: TAS in the episode Catwalk. She says it to reaffirm her dual identities and it's a reference to Rudyard Kipling's "The That Walked by Himself" as well.

When was the last time you drank coffee?

Once sometime last month.

What was the last thing you ate?

I had lunch with Mom at Chili's before we went grocery shopping. We got chips and salsa and a bunch of the southwestern egg rolls via the Triple Dipper combo. I didn't really want anything else there.

What's your favorite animal?

Felines in general, but especially the caracal.

What's your favorite song?

My number one is currently Return To Me from Winx Club: Beyond Believix. It's one of Musa's songs about her mother and the whales of her home planet.

There was a major focus on Musa that season, but they also had the spotlight on Aisha who's my second fave of the six fairies right next to Musa herself.

What's the last movie you watched?

I don't even remember since it's been a while.

Do you have any turn-ons?

I'm drawn to men with black hair and light green or light blue eyes, but I'm also a demisexual. There's got to be an emotional attraction for me to really take notice, but I've also liked black or dark brown hair colors with grey or blue-grey eyes on a man.

I do have fanfic kinks, but I don't really have any real life fetishes to speak of besides my attraction to certain types of goggles ever since I played Thousand Arms and saw the ones Meis Triumph wore.

That was back in my teens and everyone knew about it since I'm an open book, but there are types of goggles I don't care for too.

Do you have any turn-offs?

Besides the obvious, I'd rather be with a taller male who doesn't have any tattoos or piercings since I'm against bod-modding for religious reasons.

I also wouldn't be with a guy who dislikes music or cats. I'd never want to be with someone who just didn't make me laugh either. Someone who's all serious business would be boring.

What're four big words off of the top of your head?

It really depends on your perspective, so why bother? There's no point to listing a bunch of words I think are "big" anyway.

What're some meaningful movies?

The one that comes to mind right now is "I'm Not Ashamed" which is about Rachel Joy Scott who was murdered at Columbine. She admitted her faith in God to the shooters so she was a martyr for Christ.

Who're the two most important people in your life right now?

They're aren't just two most important people to be honest. The Holy Trinity is first in my life, but beyond those three my mother is definitely at the top of my list right now right before my other besties.

What're three things you want to do before the month ends?

Maybe starting ACNLv2, definitely getting more of those Ferrero Rocher hazelnut chocolates, and buying some more Amiibo that're compatible with the aforementioned game.

When was the last time you read a good book?

I kind of just plod through them most of the time so I don't know why I ever bother. The last one that had some interesting information was "How The Irish Saved Civilization" by Thomas Cahill, though.

How long do you usually study if you do?

I never bothered to study for anything. I gave up on school during third grade or maybe at the start of the fourth.

Do you have any nicknames?

I have a few such as Tigress and (Lady) Boss.

What's your favorite kind of perfume?

I hate perfumes.

Do you have any international friends or ones who live out-of-state?

Both since I know a lot of people through the internet.

What's something unique that you do every single day?

I don't think I do anything completely unique on a daily basis.

If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called?

I'm not sure, but I wouldn't really want there to be one in the first place.

When was the last time you bought a gift for someone?

Not since last Christmas, I think. I usually only buy people gifts then.

Are you a shopaholic?

I have a borderline experience with my shopping addiction that's a symptom of Bipolar II. That basically means I do have some amount of control over it instead of going wild and blowing $100 on a pair of shoes or something.

I put certain limitations on myself, but I also don't experience a crash after I shop nor buyer's remorse.

What're some songs that always make you feel better?

Nothing constantly elicits the exact same reaction from me since I'm just not that one-dimensional.

What're three activities you can only enjoy by yourself?

Taking surveys, hanging out with my cats, and eating chocolate.

If you could live in any biome and survive, which would you live in?

Underwater, I suppose. Or maybe a snowy tundra without needing a bunch of winter clothing. I’m not interested in going to one just to practice my survival skills or anything. I’ve got too many health problems for that.

How do you like being roused in the morning?

I prefer waking up naturally unless I have an appointment.

How was your day and what did you do?

It started out uneventful, but I had a late lunch at Chili's with Mom before we went grocery shopping at Market Basket. Her knee was bothering her so we came straight home after that. Otherwise I'd only done some surveys.

What did your last text message say?

Do you respond to texts quickly?

Who was the last person you called?

I tried reaching either of my parents on three different phones to no avail.

What're five things on your wishlist?

More Amiibo that're compatible with ACNLv2, a scrap journal, maybe one of those retro consoles at 2NC, definitely some more of those Ferrero Rocher hazelnut chocolates, and possibly some more DD on Goatlings.

If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for?

My greatest talent is singing so possibly that, but I've never wanted to be famous. I’d rather just be rich!

Winter or summer?

I largely prefer the wintertime even though summer has its merits too.

What's a quality that all people should have?

Empathy to some extent. Only sociopaths are completely devoid of it.

If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be?

That I don't already have? Maybe Maneki Neko figurines.

What have you been thinking about lately?

Getting back on track with my eating habits after last month being filled with physical ailments mainly.

What's the secret to a happy life?

There's no one way to contentment, but I start with calling it what it actually is. Trying to use the same word to describe both a fleeting emotion and a long-lasting one doesn't make any kind of sense.

Being constantly happy would make you psychotic. No one in their right mind is ever going to be consistently happy with everything.

And what makes a person content really varies, but I know that those who haven't found God have only themselves to rely on in the end and that's always a sad state of affairs.

Every human being fails sometimes, including oneself. I rely on God first and foremost and having Him at the helm no matter the weather provides peace and security in life.

What're some phrases you say often?

I kind of rotate using words and phrases I like often, but I haven't been stuck on any lately.

What's your favorite food?

Uncut futomaki in general, but I also love the Poseidon rolls at the Tokyo sushi bar. They have cream cheese, garlic mayo and lobster tempura in them with avocado and habanero tobiko on top. I tell them to leave off the lemon slices, though.

What're three of your wishes?

We've basically covered this by making a wish list.

What're some of your greatest fears?

I don't have a greatest fear and mine are purely situational. I don't let irrational fears control me. After all, fear is only there to warn you that something's wrong. Letting it paralyze and control you isn't necessary.

Beyond that, God is in control of all things and those who depend on Him don't need to fear death. He gives believers the strength to be as bold as lions.

What's the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

I have no idea since I so rarely DL anything these days.

What's the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in real life?

Plenty of things including the ocean, the cats I've loved, places I've visited in the USA, etc.

Do you like spicy foods?

It depends on the food and how spicy it really is. I'm more on the mild side when it comes to spicy food.

Do you like scary movies?

Horror is my fave genre.

Do you like to travel?

Now and then.

Do you have any regrets?

There's no point in dwelling on the past like that so I don't practice regret.

Do you like rain?

Usually unless I was trying to do something outside that day.

What do you spend most of your money on?

Besides paying part of our bills and buying food, I have an entertainment budget that I spend on things like Amiibo, Pop! figs and other Funko merch, video games, plushies, etc.

Would you rather visit the past or the future?

I'd rather live in the moment.

What's your favorite clothing store?

I usually buy tees from Walmart and jeans from Catherines.

What's the best advice you can give to those who're feeling down?

I don't think I need to tout one-size-fits-all advice to people I don't even know. Being content in life really is your own decision, though. No one else is responsible for how you feel. You control yourself so just make a choice to be in control of your feels.

How often do you think about your future and does it scare you?

I don't obsess over the future or try to plan out distant events just as much as I avoid getting myself mired in the past.

What angers you the most?

If anything beyond purely situational events when dealing with the people I love most, I'm passionately pro-life because life begins at conception.

Things only grow if they're alive and the majority of women who get abortions do so because they didn't use protection. That’s a lack of personal, moral responsibility.

And killing an unborn human being isn't being responsible, it's murder. I refuse to dissociate from the fact that it's a living human being and not a wad of worthless protoplasm.

That delusion doesn’t make it ethically and morally okay to destroy a defenseless human life. That's a severe lack of empathy for another human being who can't even speak for themselves. I’m not like that.

When was the last time you got majorly angry?

I haven't felt angry in a long time, but it takes a lot to get me to that point.

When was the last time you got really sad?

I was a bit sad about how badly last month went for me, but I wasn't exactly depressed. I haven't been really sad in months.

Are you good at lying?

Sure, but I hate lying. I'm a very upfront person.

What foreign language would you like to learn?

I speak Japanese fluently, but I'm still grasping the written language. It's pretty complex. Beyond that, learning Chinese would be a good way of supplementing my knowledge.

How many languages can you speak and what are they?

I'm fluent in English and Japanese, but I'm still finding my way around the written aspects of the latter.

How often do you go to parties and if you don’t, what do you do instead?

I'm not a partier and I'd rather do many other things.

What books do you plan to read this year?

I'm trying not to care about reading books this year although I'm plodding through "How The Irish Saved Civilization" by Thomas Cahill since I found it on my mother's book shelf.

It's one we took from my late uncle's home. He was a hoarder with a large personal library full of educational books which included some I took on various fringe interests.

Do you have breakfast every morning?

I'm not always awake in the morning, but I'm trying to at least eat a banana or two if I'm up.

Can you tell us a secret?

I don't have any since I'm upfront with everyone.

How many concerts have you been to?

I don't like crowds and live music unless it's an orchestra.

Who was your last hug with?

I don't remember.

Who knows you better than anyone else?

My mother knows me best out of everyone I know personally, but only God knows me inside and out and all around.

Baths or showers?

Showers since I'd rather not sit in a tub of my own filth.

Do you think you’re ambitious?

Not so much in most ways, but it's just because I'm so chill and I don't feel that I need to pursue anything competitively or aggressively.

What song is stuck in your head?

None right now, but I'm listening to Lips by Marian Hill on Pandora Plus.

What countries have you visited?

I haven't been outside the USA mainly for financial reasons.

What do you most value in your friends?

There isn't just one top quality. I look for honesty, trustworthiness and loyalty the most.

What helps you to sleep better?

A cold and dimly lit room.

What's the most money you've ever held in your hand?

I don't have a clue.

What makes you nervous?

That flash flooding last week made me a bit anxious because I would've had to dial 911 if it came through the door.

What's the best advice you’ve ever been given?

I've rarely sought it out or needed it since I'm so independent so I can't pinpoint any.

Is it easier to forgive or forget?

You can't force yourself to have amnesia and you shouldn't try.

What was your first mobile phone?

I've never wanted one.

What was you strangest dream?

I usually have weird dreams so I can't really say.

What was your best dream?

This weird, disturbing, nightmarish one about Freddy Krueger.

Who's the smartest person you know?

Probably either Sasuke M. or one of the twins, Makoto or Mamoru.

Who's the prettiest person on Tumblr or LJ?

I don't know or care about how pretty everyone is.

Do you miss anyone right now?

I don't and definitely not chronically since I'm neither clingy nor codependent.

Who do you love and why?

Lots of people and my pets for many reasons.

Do you like sharing?

I'd rather not share my belongings. That's from years of my first cousins abusing my stuff.

What was the last picture you took with your phone?

Is there a reason behind everything that happens?

There's obviously the law of cause and effect, but I also believe in God's active and passive Sovereignty. He controls everything so that it's all according to His plan.

That means he also oversees the laws of cause and effect and every scientific law of the universe as well. He's God and it's not hard for me to understand that He's in control, though.

What's your favorite genre of music?

I listen to a lot of J/K/C pop and rock along with vocaloids, but my taste in English language music is varied. I'm listening to some popular pop songs right now and I was listening to Christian contemporary music earlier.

If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

Right now? I guess I'd say I'm "chill" currently. There isn't just one word to describe how I am at all times.

How would you describe your life in five words?

My life in five words? Spontaneous, mercurial, painful, fulfilling, blessed.

How would you describe the world in four words?

Diverse, ever-changing, tumultuous, amazing.

What's the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

I haven't really done anything I'd call crazy since I'm not that type of person.

What're the first three songs in your favorite playlist?

I don't have any playlists. I mostly use Pandora One online or I listen to the local stations in the car.

Are you more creative or logical?

I'm both in spades as I have Bipolar II and I excel in concept formation.

Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth?

Lies don't save people from pain and you shouldn't protect adults from reality. I'd rather be honest with everyone, but it's also not my job to make anyone else feel okay. Everyone is in charge of their own feelings. It's not my job to like them either, it's theirs.

What're you most proud of?

Right now I'm proud that I'm taking steps to improve my eating habits since it's so important for me as a diabetic.

What personality trait do you admire in other people?

Honesty is high on my list. I don't want to be near people who lie habitually or ones who aren't even self-aware enough to be honest with themselves. Truth is so important. Personal truths? Not so much.

When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

Playing ACNL or spending time with my cats. Or both! Any of the main games really. AC is pretty much my happiest place in this world, but especially if I’m playing with my cats chilling next to me.

How do you usually start a conversation?

I don't always do it the exact same way.

What's the best news you could hear right now?

Realistically? Something about cancer or another major illness being cured, or anything positively earth-shaking along those lines.

#randomqs #surveys

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