#Serotonin for Hijikata | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

corpsekiller · 2 years

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𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 — 𝐭.𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐚

𝖯𝖠𝖨𝖱𝖨𝖭𝖦. toushirou hijikata x genderneutral!reader (requested)

𝖶𝖠𝖱𝖭𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲. angst, major character death, hurt and no comfort because I love to suffer.

𝖲𝖸𝖭𝖮𝖯𝖲𝖨𝖲. after a fight in one of edo's districts, hijikata is severly injured and there isn't much time left to say goodbye.

𝖠𝖴𝖳𝖧𝖮𝖱'𝖲 𝖭𝖮𝖳𝖤. i'm sorry for the long wait, university is stressing me out and i completely forgot the request, but i'm grateful for the small reminder i got a month later. thank you for your request, nonnie! this fic won't give you any serotonin, this is pain and i hope you're prepared to cry, bitches.

𝖫𝖤𝖭𝖦𝖳𝖧. 1.403 words

MASTERLIST

“I’m sorry.” His voice is strained, laced with pain and dangerous exhaustion that makes your heart pound hard and fast in your aching chest. Your fingertips, shaking in agony, ghost over his wound and pull the torn fabric of his soaked uniform aside to get a better look at the deep cut running along his ribcage and his lower abdomen. The shirt, once white and unsullied, is now tinted in a deep red that appears nearly black in the shadows of the alley the two of you are hiding in.

“Don’t apologize—”

“No, listen to me,” he coughs and grasps your wrist to catch your attention. Still, you don’t stop your ministrations, continue to work over his injury to stop the rapid loss of blood in a desperate attempt to save his life, even if that means you have to ignore the cold touch of his skin on your lower arm that wants to hinder you further. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes.

Hijikata never apologizes. He knows his worth and he’s certainly too prideful to express his regret in numerous pointless ways as he once said. You remember his exact words and it’s accompanied by the vivid memory of your third date when you asked him about the lack of apologies in his vocabulary while you were enjoying dinner in a cozy restaurant on the corner of a street. He was pouring a ton of mayonnaise over his rice when you uttered the question, playfully nudging his ego as you waited for his reply.

‘Actions speak louder than words,’ he retorted that day, lighting his cigarette with a smirk. 'Why should I waste useless words on apologies when I could erase my mistakes right away? I’m the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi after all.'

His sword drops to the ground. The blood on the sharp blade glistens in the last rays of the setting sun and his fingers weakly reach for his weapon, grazing the leather-bound handle for a moment before he groans in defeat and lifts his hand to cup your face instead. Tenderly, he caresses a small cut in your cheekbone, wiping some of the dirt and ash that sticks to your sweaty skin.

“I’m okay, love,” you whisper shakily. Leaning into his touch, you muster up a smile and murmur a few words of condolence into the palm of his hand, then you rip a piece of your shirt and push it down on his stomach. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts, I know.."

The scream that follows is guttural and coaxes a wince of pain from your quivering lips, but you continue applying pressure, even when it feels like your arms might give out any second. Nausea settles in your body and you can taste the sour bitterness of bile on your tongue, lightheadedness momentarily clouds your mind and for a moment, you fear you’re going to black out until your lover suddenly trembles under your hands.

You have to keep going.

It’s the only thing you can possibly do, the only logical thought your brain can properly conjecture in the numbing silence after the violent battle. Enemies are scattered in every street of the district, severely injured or already dead, slaughtered by none other than the Demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi who sacrificed more than just his honor to protect the citizens of Edo.

To protect you.

“You’re going to be alright, Toshi. I promise.”

It’s a lie.

Toushirou knows it, can see the doubt in your teary eyes and the quiver of your lips. He’s always been aware of your courage and he doesn’t think you’re weak by any means, but at this moment, he becomes strangely aware of how brave you actually are — kneeling here with him in the massacre he created, hands covered in what he supposes is his blood and pressed tightly to the open slash on his lower abdomen, barely holding his guts inside in such a composed manner, even though violent tremors shake your entire figure as you lean over his slumped form.

He wishes he could be strong enough to comfort you.

“Y/N,” he mumbles and feebly taps his finger against your jaw. This somehow manages to distract you from the panic shooting through your veins. His voice has grown quieter and his words are swallowed by another cough. Sprinkles of blood cover his chapped lips and his chin, skin sickly pale and clammy and you immediately widen your eyes.

He’s losing too much blood, no, no—

“Y/N, listen to me,” he breathes shallowly. His hand glides over your features and comes to rest at the collar of your shirt, shakily fisting the thin material to pull you closer to him with every last ounce of strength he has left in his body. You gasp as you fall forward, barely able to catch yourself before your entire body weight lands on his injury. Still, he is relentless. So, you crane your head until your ear hovers right above his mouth.

This time, you hear what he’s trying to say.

“It’s okay.”

“No! No, no, please... Don’t say that. You’re going to survive, do you understand?” A sob finally breaks you. Tears blur your vision and burn in the small cut on your cheek, shoulders caving under the weight of the realization that your worst nightmare is about to come true. It’s not fair and you would scream at God or any other entity watching from above if you could, yet you're only able to cry as Hijikata takes your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours. His blood has reached your knees and drenches your pants as well, pools around your kneeling from until all you can see is red, red, red.

“It’s okay,” Toushirou repeats. Despite his bloodied teeth and the visible pain in his dull gaze, he gives you a gentle smile. It scares you, the serenity in his voice — how can he be so composed, when he’s so beaten and torn, dying before your very eyes and somehow still be the one who’s trying to calm you? A part of you admires him for that characteristic trait just as you did when you first met him. The other part, the reasonable fraction of you is dreading his quiescence. “It’s alright, Y/N. Remember... Remember that I love you.”

Time is running out.

You lift your hands, fingers still laced, and bring them to your lips to place a soft kiss on his knuckles. A reassuring gesture, careful and delicate as the flowers he brought you on your first date. You kept them and when they dried out, you wrapped a thread around the stems and hung them on your window, so you could look at them every morning and every night. A reminder of his love for you.

One day, you’ll bring flowers to his grave and they will dry under his name and you’ll let them be. And you will leave another bouquet the next day until you grow old and join him in the afterlife.

“I will remember, Toshi. I love you too.”

Hijikata coughs. His head rolls to the side as he takes in a shallow breath and you notice how he’s struggling to keep his eyes open for any longer, inevitably failing as they flutter close. The grasp he had on your hand grows weak and the subtle movement of his chest stops ultimately.

And with one last breath, he’s gone.

“Toshi?” Your throat tightens and you reach out to cup his cold cheek, gently shaking his head as if his eyes would open again and he’d get to his feet and laugh at your shocked face, mumbling about you being an idiot for actually falling for his joke.

Often, it’s far more difficult to face the truth than believe a lie.

It takes you some time until the realization comes crashing down on you and when it finally does, after endlessly calling his name and begging him to wake up, you can't do anything but kneel there and sob into the crook of his neck. "No, no, please! I love you, please... open your eyes for me—"

But he's dead and you know you will never be happy again until ypu meet him on the other side of life and feel the warmth of his kiss on your lips.

#toushirou hijikata x reader #hijikata imagine #hijikata x reader #toushirou hijikata #gintama headcanon #gintama hijikata #gintama x reader #gintama #hijikata toushirou #toushirou hijikata fic #gintoki

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sems-diarie · 2 years

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sem i was rewatching a couple of gintama episodes for serotonin and i can’t help but gush over how adorable gintoki is i love that man sm 🥺 do you have a favourite episode you remember or a fav arc?

OHHH YEAHHHHH

okay okay let’s get it going- so sorry this got embarrassingly long -

the shogun assassination arc STOLE MY BREATH AWAY. kamui and sougo had me by my neck (and still do) and the fact that we got to see gintoki n takasugi together again!? i absolutely adore watching them on screen together. also! i’ve always loved shige but this was the arc that solidified him for me.

the snow vacation arc w shige was so fucking funny, too 😭😭😭😭😭 when kagura and otae didn’t wanna touch him because he was greasy and stinky it had me in tears

okay and then, the farewell shinsengumi arc was so good. gintama, i feel like, is character-dependent because around here is when the overarching plotline becomes a bit confusing for me—but i love nobume and isaburo so much. the love her has for her—i wish for it. gintama proves itself over and over again to cherish family, but this was when i knew.

shinpachi’s saber beam arc had me so fucking emotional lmfaooo. it was so bad bc we were just coming out of the courtesan of a nation arc (which left me heaving and huffing for hours afterwards LMFAOOO) then the shogun assassination arc, and then farewell shinsengumi—back to back to back, i couldn’t breathe. but it also felt so good to see shinpachi love and be loved like that. it was a new side of him for me (i don’t rlly like his character but i do appreciate him when it counts). and we got the golden gintoki begging scene that still leaves me choked up to this day rmfaooo. he loves those kids so much bro. and he isn’t afraid to throw away his pride for them because he knows- he knows that pride will never be worth the pain it can bring.

i rewatch the joui 4 reunion arc a lot bc i like seeing them all together during the war 🥺 s’comforting.

the popularity poll arc 😭😭😭 it got GRITTY SO QUICK LMFAOOO. everyone was clawing for power. i also love how our mc was #1. hair flip. as per usual. and the way it started w yamazaki getting mugged 😭😭😭 LMFAOOO

i fucking LOVE the gender swap arc RMFAOOO specifically for kyuubei <333333 and tskuyou. she was so fine as a man i’d let them both breed fr

yoshiwara in flames and the red spider arcs are classics. gintoki and tsu are a compelling duo—which is why I ADOREEEE THE LOVE POLLEN SPECIALSSSSS. i especially liked the spider arc bc gintoki knows what good love looks like, what it feels like. and he wants that for tsukki. the way he gets so angry on her behalf (and maybe a little of his own) is exactly why he’s so dear to me as an mc. he carries his supporting characters with a special kind of oomf.

the saw arc with hijikata and sougo was unbelievable i hate them so much 😭

i am also especially fond of the jirocho arc. that fight at the grave yard was actually what got me into gintama!! i saw a clip of him gnashing that sword and knew i’d give ‘toki some babies lmfaooo. and also—the way he loves, the way gintoki gives so much love and protection even though he’s only felt it once from one parental figure in his childhood…. when he, kagura, and shinpachi got into that fight and they told him life wouldn’t be fun without him and he told them he just wanted them to live. i don’t think i’ll ever recover. he’s the only man in the world for me.

i also liked the jail arc!! watching gintoki terrorize the other prisoners 😭😭😭

i really liked the gintoki-hijikata soul switch arc solely for the new gintoki hair style.

oh my GOD. THE CHEATING ARC!?? WITH OTOSE AND OTAE AND TSKUYOU AND LITERALLY EVERY WOMAN IN THE MAIN CAST!? LMRMFKO i was laid out the whole time. and jealous ☹️ i wanna be his lil wife or whatever ☹️

i appreciate the arc on kagura and kamui’s home planet bc we got to see development from all sides of the fight (katsura blossoming into zura) and i love it esp bc where everyone started coming together again 🥺🥺🥺 kamui and kagura’s backstory had me geeked so hard. i will forever love that kagura doesn’t really hold it against him for leaving her (or, she does, but if he wanted to come home she’d take him in with open arms)—but it still makes me angry that he did.

last but not least (and the most obvious) the exact plot of the silver soul arc was messy but when i tell you i was geeked 400% in every episode. especially the part when everyone was sleeping and partying and just enjoying each other’s company. the greatest thing about gintama is it’s ability to make you feel like you’re there.

but anyways, generally? if the episode has gintoki and takasugi or shigeshige or kagura and sougo or kamui in it, it’s def a favorite. or if all the girls get together. and literally every episode with gintoki backstory gives me serotonin. or episodes where both the shinsengumi and odd jobs are in them. yeah :D

#gintama

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