#So I made a pact w myself never to lose my humanity. Half of why I’m so into medicine is bc of its humane aspects | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovestellarflare-blog · 7 years

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centuries later now, after you gave Mina her ascension

to see what destiny she builds for herself, it appears

your sweet Mina has a very different concept of loyalty

than yours. She sees your loyalty as betrayal. your

friendship as a waste of her time and attention...

she made you feel special and like you mattered

somehow...but now you see that you really don’t. you

never did. the one you look up to and think the world of

sees you as a waste of everything. now i know how that

crybaby onision felt in the army, when he had a mental

breakdown for the same reason. you learned something

valuable from mina’s ?friendship? with you....

you can try your best to be nice, to be a good person, to

be caring and generous, and appreciate someone ....

but that won’t stop them from treating you like garbage

you don’t even have the will to feel bad for yourself now

you were naive enough to think you had more value than

evil people. but in mina’s eyes you are exactly like them.

worthless. you are wasting your energy trying to be

better than others, surpass them morally, and have a good

life. loyalty is beautiful because it’s worthlessly wasted

in the end. true love expects nothing in return because it

gets nothing in return. i suppose i always knew this would

happen, and mina would leave me without looking twice

or back. i just chose never to believe it. now it makes no

difference what i believe. i always thought i was a realist

haha, turns out that was just my cursed mask, after all

i’m as naive as they come. but my heart wasn’t the source

of my power, that’s where mina underestimated me.....

she may have stolen my heart, but that didn’t take my

kindness away, or my decency, or my love. it only made

me stronger. my heart was holding me back, like ‘humanity’

now it’s dead. she killed it before i was even born. she

can feast on it, all she likes. I am sure the last drops are

especially tasty to her. i suppose that’s the penalty i pay

as a ‘normal’ for making a pact with a goddess. even now

i have no idea who the ‘strong’ one is...who abused who

or which one took advantage of the other. and i don’t even

know how to say I’m sorry.

anyway, i still care about her like she’s my family.

it’s who i am. i accept myself. being upset that i’m the

way i am, is pointless. i don’t wanna change to be like

‘other people’. and i don’t care what people think about

my relationship with Mina/Tessa....i am still hers. always

and not because i’m ‘desperate’ or ‘’afraid to be alone’

i’m capable of making my own choices, and she’s still

my choice. not that i could ever ‘give up’ on her. she’s

amazing. and even if she was as boring and plain as me

she’s still your everything. of course if you lose your

memory, you won’t know how i feel about her, you may

forget like she forgot what happened centuries ago when

she made that pact with you from wonderland. so you’ll

probably have this choice again, of whether to keep her

in your life (technically, she IS your life) or whether to be

your typical wreckless, selfish, spoiled, arrogant, bitter,

hurt, self-centered you...the one you always try not to be.

w/e you choose i cannot hold you back, i just want you

to do me one favor. even if in absence of your present

memories and feelings, you decide your life is too stupid

to bring meaning (mina) into it, that you’ll watch over her.

even if you don’t know her, or care, or feel enough to give

a damn, do it for me, please. i don’t think i’ve ever begged

you a favor, for urself, but i’ll get over my pride, for her.

treat her like she’s the love of your life. die for her safety

if u must. don’t ever let her feel as alone as you’ve felt

much of your life. she revived you too many times for you

to just leave her. if you don’t care about my feelings, then

do it for honor. you have a moral debt to her, none of your

hurt emotions can override. you’ll have countless chances

to feel pain, and be hurt through feelings, trust me. but you

only have one chance to lead an honorable, noble life. and

i’ve done everything i could and more to give you that life.

you have a heritage that i’ve always dreamed of having, of

giving it to you.....you may not have had the ideal perfect

relationship with her, but having failed her, and that goal..

you have the perfect honor that you always worked towards

you are noble, though imperfect. maybe you will become

perfect in our new life i can’t see yet, or maybe you will lose

your honor, but become perfect for Mina and ur relationship

w/ her....maybe that’s your destiny. first half of ur life, the

childhood/war was just growing up and becoming a warrior

the second half could be having a beautiful family, that

mina is to you. or why knows, maybe it’s that new war of the

worlds i keep seeing reflected in the Spear, but this time you’re

not fighting alone, you have Mina by your side, and Anna is

your daughter/war comrade, and you train her to be a true

cat princess, and be everything you couldn’t be or become.

she will have the ideal life you always wanted but never got..

just because one european sovereign is crushed, doesn’t

mean another has to follow your mistakes. You’ll guide Anna

to become the perfect Sovereign you could never be...she is

wise, kind, gentle, uncruel, honest, loving, a perfect being

you’ll make her your heir for the greater european realm (E+W)

since you’re kinda spiraling off into madness and damnation

btw. you have Borderline Personality Disorder. Yaaaay!

Hope u’r cured, hisshiss.

#dearfutureme incaseofamnesia

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