#Utage and Aciddrop do the most for my office

[johannstutt413]

(requested by mathmaticalknight)

“Are they really doing this to me right now?” The Doctor sighed as he shuffled through recruitment files. “I know I shouldn’t new recruits at our door every day, but this is on a whole different level...”

Pramanix looked over his shoulder and tutted. “They’re sending in their own files as filler now? And they expect you to pay for all this paper?”

“I’ve seen Gravel’s name at the top of these twelve times today, so it’s not just theirs.” He shook his head.

“I could go talk to them, if you want.” She ruffled his hair. “Red’s still watching the girls, and I feel like giving someone a little hell today.”

He smiled to himself as he turned to look at her, putting both hands around the closer of hers. “It’s fine, dear; I’ll just stop going through them right now, give my eyes a break. Since you’re free, though, couch?”

“Is that even a question?” Anya helped him up so they could flop onto the double-wide he’d gotten for the office exactly for moments like this.

“I hope they’re not too annoyed with how slow their job must be sometimes,” the Doctor continued once he was enveloped in pillowy Pramanix-ness. “Spending hours and hours doing busywork gets boring for me, so imagining a thankless job like theirs in the same state-”

That was the Feline’s cue to shush him with an impromptu kiss. “Don’t let them off the hook that easily. It’s still a waste of company time and money to do things like that.”

“But our snuggling is fine?”

“Our snuggling keeps your moral up, so I’d say it’s actually the most important work I can do as your assistant.” She rolled her eyes. “Now are you going to let me help you relax or not?”

He chuckled at that. “Alright, alright, I’ll be good now.”

“Good. Now, what shall we dream of today?” As a bell softly chimed, Anya began giving the Doctor an in-person ASMR experience, and the office melted away to a dreamscape.

Of course, the folks in HR didn’t know about this. Nor would it be able to stop the forces at work that’d enabled this whole thing in the first place.

It’d started with Orchid, actually; she’d been working on transferring to the Trading Post crew and printed her resume to send to them, but accidentally sent it into the Doctor for approval...and for some reason, that’d gone through as a ‘recruitment’ submission.

“Hey, Utage, quick question.” Aciddrop, who’d only joined the office recently, noticed this and tried to get the Nue’s attention. “That isn’t s’posed to work, is it?”

“...How the hell did she do that? Hey, how do we do this?” She looked over to Ethan, who was at his desk surfing the fiction-writing forums he visited.

The Savra jumped up and walked over to their desk. “Oh, that? Just make copies of old resumes and send them through the system. Rangers taught me that during training.”

“We can do that?” The Liberi’s ear-feathers started twitching. “You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’, Utage?”

“Oh, I knooow I am!” She replied as she dashed over to the cabinet and started grabbing old files that were easy to copy.

Ethan chuckled as he went back to his desk. “Save me a couple of ‘em, too; still waiting to hear back from the guys we sent to talk to that travelling actor fella, could use a break.”

“Sure thing.” Utage dropped a stack of twenty or so files off next to the scanner. “Let’s have some fun~”

------

A few hours later, and the Doctor woke up to what looked like a power outage, but was in fact just being under a very snuggly Feline. “Still asleep, dear?” He asked, otherwise staying still.

“Mmhmm,” Anya mumbled, somewhere in between.

“That’s alright, but I should probably check my messages.” He managed to slink out from under her without disturbing her too much, but it became a moot point once he saw his messages. “Holy shit! There’s over three hundred messages from HR here?!”

Pramanix sat up, rubbing her eyes. “All recruitment?”

“Yeah...and all repeats.” The Doctor groaned. “Even if we did get someone new, I’d never- wait. No, there is someone I don’t recognize on this list, wanting to come in for an interview in...ten minutes? We can do that, right, dear?”

“Ten minutes? Um, sure. Does the file say a codename, at least?”

He nodded. “Someone named ‘Mint?’ Huh...apparently she’s from King’s Wand. I guess we’ll see her soo- that’s it, I’m going to go talk to them. This is way too much.”

Meanwhile, at the HR office:

“What do you mean, you broke the messaging system?!” Orchid was pulling out feathers and hair at her office, which was attached to but technically different from the rest of HR. “How many duplicates did you send?”

“Well, we sent like nine or ten, but then Eyjafjalla found out about what we were doing and offered to make it more efficient by making a program for us...and then Ethan and Provence made it more efficient...It’s sending recruitment notices so fast we can’t actually stop it without shutting down the whole network.” Aciddrop and Utage were standing sheepishly on the other side of the desk, feeling rather foolish as the instigators of what was now essentially a system-breaking insider hack.

The Liberi in charge just shook her head. “This is ridiculous...I’ll shut it down for the day, and if we manage to get in touch with any of our current options, I’ll just fax their records to his office.”

“*Knock knock* Miss Orchid?” Eyjafjalla popped her head through the door. “Senpai’s here to talk to you.”

“Tell him we’re working on getting it shut down, please, Eyja.”

The Doctor popped his head through the door, too. “Shutting what down?”

“The auto-messager your kouhai installed in our system to help these two with their prank.” Orchid gestured to the other Liberi and the Nue.

“Ah. Good job applying your problem-solving skills, Eyja.” He gave her a couple headpats before smiling at the rest of them. “If you guys can, I’d try seeing if you can automate the whole thing like that, and I’ll just set filters on my notifications.”

All three of them looked at him for a moment before Aciddrop spoke up. “You’re not mad?”

“Nah. Got to cuddle the wife thanks to it, after all. You girls keep up the good work.” And with that, he was gone.

“That was...not how I expected that to go,” Utage admitted as Eyja walked into the office properly. “How the hell did we luck out like that?”

Only Eyja noticed as Tsukinogi returned to her desk from the entrance to the office, smiling to herself...

#arknights #arknights fic #pramanix (arknights) #tsukinogi (arknights) #utage (arknights) #aciddrop (arknights) #orchid (arknights) #eyjafjalla (arknights) #ethan (arknights) #more of the fluff-cat can't be bad #and tbh i didn't realize who all made up the HR department #Utage and Aciddrop do the most for my office #hence getting spots here #...also really need to do a Doc/Aciddrop at some point #even if I keep trying to spell her name with two c's instead of d's...