#a repeating phrase on report cards was could achieve better if i applied myself etc

[patssecretblog]

i fucked my knee up while sleeping lol. this does happen sometimes. i dislocated my knee in high school and it's kind of fucked me up ever since, it's thrown my back out too i get sciatica shit with it. sometimes i can feel the tendon/ligaments move and it's painful, and sometimes my whole knee joint just hurts, sometimes it's both.

i've dislocated my knee, my pinky finger, and my thumb, which i think is statistically higher than the average person to experience a dislocation of a joint. i nearly got my shoulder once too loool it was so close. i've always kind of felt like my joints were a little loose, but being on hrt i feel like they're just ever so slightly looser. i've done hypermobile tests on myself and i don't meet the threshold to be hypermobile, though about a decade ago a personal trainer friend of mine did say he thought i had EDS or was hypermobile or something because i was way more flexible than the average person.

besties it's fucking wild going from the perception of healthy young strong 6'1 fucking white man to a potentially disabled trans woman. my body is physically less abled than others it's wild. i can't stand for more than an hour without having to stretch because of pain.

#plus i think i'm audhd #not in the quirky oh i'm kinda like that way #but in the i'm fundamentally incompatible with how society is structured and have been unemployed for nearly the entire past decade way #4 time university drop out checking in. i've been in 5 different uni courses with 4 different majors in one of them 👍fml lol #i've tried so hard with so many things #oh my bad besties i forgot i'm not followed by someone with a psychology degree telling my not to self diagnose #as though i'm not trying to figure out what's wrong myself because my problems are so overt and medical professionals are just so astute #i'm reading my old report cards from school i only have a few years of them i wish i had more #'quiet and well mannered' 'quiet and cooperative' are repeating phrases over the years #'needs support and encouragement to participate in classroom situations' #'can maintain attention for short periods and follows specific instructions with support' #my grades were average throughout school so i took a special tertiary admission test (basically IQ test) for uni and scored in top 14% #not sure how that compares to the general population but it should be close #so... i'm not an idiot i just don't really fit in well with shit. my grades don't match my brain. #i think i was 94th percentile for linguistics on that test #a repeating phrase on report cards was could achieve better if i applied myself etc #i was the last the learn the alphabet in year 1 lol #pat tends to 'fly under the radar'. he likes to not be noticed which is affecting his school work #pat does only what is needed. he has great potential and needs to put in more enthusiasm into his work #i think my childhood was me desperately shy and scared and doing as i was told trying to figure people out #it's wild reading this shit as an adult #me @my parents - I THINK YOUR KID NEEDS HELP WITH SHIT #i really wish i had all my report cards from every semester #sorry lol this got de-railed it's meant to be a knee/disability/losing privilege post