#aepsthis has depression because his mother figure died

[depresseddepot]

I don't know how to make a keep reading post on mobile so don't read the tags if you don't want to read a vent lmao

#so this is going to sound selfish and stupid and probably entitled and all the other bad things but im tired of pretending #every single oc i make that has depression or every single character i like that has depression has always had a reason #like nobody knows who any of these fucking characters are but hear me out anyways #aepsthis has depression because his mother figure died #my Self Insert TM has depression bc her mother was abusive and her father absent #vaughn has depression because she was sexually assaulted three times before she was old enough to know what that meant #vanessa has depression because her father sexually abused her for years and when she finally met someone who didn't equate sex with (1) #violence he died and their baby was born a miscarriage. #the only character i have that ORIGINALLY didn't have a sound reason for being depressed was emil #but even now ive altered his backstory to make the depression part make more sense #here comes the selfish part uwu #i dont have a reason to be depressed?? like we were poor but my parents never showed it. my dad was scary and threatening but he wasn't mean #my mom would have sat and listened to me if i wanted to talk about something #nobody that i was super close to has died except for pets (dont get me started) #my cousin molested me when i was young and that sucked sure but i was so young that i didnt know what was happening so like #i can't blame all of my problems on that one occurrence #bc the ones i have and the ones that develop after that sort of thing are only minimally connected at best #i give all of my ocs tragic backgrounds to try and make sense of the reason why they have depression #but i dont even have a reason for having it #like im so convinced that im faking it or that other people will thing im being a whiny bitch bc nothing bad has happened to me #im white my parents are still together i can afford things i work at a job i like #i did and still do good in school i have pets and at least a couple hobbies #so im really super fucking confused lol #like i cant just be like #hey i have no reason to be depressed my life is great but hahahhaa i think i have depression uwu #because everyone will think im doing it for attention #idk i know my depression is still valid despite not having any traceable reasoning but #i feel like asking for help just takes up space that could be used to help people who need it more #and i cant ask for help when i feel like their talents would be better spent helping a kid who actually needs and deserves it #neither of the futures i can see for myself are ideal and i dont want to choose between a lesser evil or suicide