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rhyzsuxz · 3 years

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am no longer participating in lgbt online discourse. this is my new years resolution. i reserve the right to change this list if something dramatically changes my opinions on it, and i might reblog this with discourses i forgot but here's my list of my final opinions on the now banned topics:

- ace discourse. never once had this effect me irl and if an ace person irl is effected and I know them this i’m willing to talk about it, but ONLY IRL. I respect ace people and i've had big groups of lgbt friends who felt differently on the subject, but at the end of the day I don't care what cisstraight ppl think of the gay community enough to try and "ban" aces that's just weird and counterproductive. I'll be honest I don't really understand this discourse completely on either end of it and don't have solid opinions so I won't talk about it anymore.

- Neopronouns discourse: I don't know a single person irl who uses neopronouns and honestly my take on this is the same as my takes for everything else: whatever makes you comfortable. I'll do it. In real life or online. Just tell me what pronouns to use and we're all good.

- he/him lesbian discourse: i’m not a lesbian. this one isn't for me to be discussing in the first place.

- transmed/truscum: this ones just bullshit. let people be comfortable, if you disagree just stay away from me. this is coming from someone who had a kalvin garrah phase in middle school and at this point i’m just tired of talking about it.

- slur discourse: white gays stop trying to make ur own n word. it's not cool and just seems racist. faggot and the n word have VERY different histories and are not equivalents in anyway. on the other side of this, homo/transphobes are not taking the time to figure out which slur applies to what group, so neither should we. People are dying and y'all are on the internet doing this bullshit?? If it makes you uncomfortable to hear ppl say it, ask them not to around you, and if they refuse that's a boundaries issue not the community wide systemic problem it's being made out to be. I use the words when i’m talking about them in this context, but not in a casual setting, because I don't feel the need to. but i've also been called them by many people and i’m not going to let them have more power over the words them I do.

microlabeling: who cares??? I think microlabeling can be harmful to young lgbt people especially when you get into the terms under the ace umbrella, but with better resources and more knowledge being given to the young ppl, I think this will be less harmful as the years go on. If microlabels give you a sense of community, belonging, or just make you more comfortable in yourself don't let anyone stop you from that but also don't push those labels on other people, Especially younger ppl who don't have experience in this community and on the internet in general.

Cishet jokes: this one is less common but I got involved with it a while back so i'll include it. I love making jokes at cishet ppls expense. I’m not around straight ppl often because all my friends are online and all of us are lgbt, but it doesn't hurt anyone. If one light hearted joke about being cis is enough to make you turn against the lgbt community and stop being an ally, I don't think you were a very good ally to begin with. The best ally's are people who know when to help and when to step back and say "this is none of my business." But also if ur lgbt and someone you regularly interact with has told you it makes them uncomfortable, stop??? There's a difference between "I can't believe you'd say that about cishets on twitter, i’m retweeting this with a long message about how ur cisphobic and tearing apart the gay community" and "hey the cishet jokes make uncomfortable, but I respect you and want to be a good ally wherever I can." (also if ur an ally and thinking this, spend some time considering why the jokes make you uncomfortable. it's okay and should be encouraged to realize and help ur implicit bias and subconscious opinions. nobody's perfect.) One of the biggest arguments i see on this are that it makes the community "look bad." to which i only have to say, it's not my personal responsibility to make myself more appealing to cishet people and there's a time and a place to be making the jokes, but being lgbt doesn't automatically make you a politics, social justice warrior 24/7 whose sole purpose in life is to end homophobia. We're human beings with varied interests. I think part of being a good ally is taking on the "fighting homophobia" role wherever you can, because there's a lot less of a chance of you getting kicked out, physically hurt, or killed for speaking out than when we do it. And i’m white, so i already have a lot more privilege on this front than poc. My final opinions on this are cis people suck my dick and straight people suck in general. (/hj). if that statement made you want to hate crime me or others, you should get that checked out.

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cerullos · 7 years

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You don't have to answer. Reading the responses to that reblog about ace struggles made me really sad. The way you talk about the ace thing in general makes me sad. And I really like you, actually. I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. And a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist. Ad infinitum. This doesn't have to be the oppression olympics. Intersectionality is the only way out of this mess.

And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence. Is that as bad as being electrocuted? No. But is that the point here? Why say that? Why amplify that kind of divisive message? We just want to belong somewhere. You can believe this or not, but we’re dying here. The LGBT community has been the only safe place I’ve known my entire life. To figure out years later that I was labeling..

myself wrong? It was the most terrifying feeling I’ve ever experienced. It still is. It’s like we don’t exist. One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.

Straight people see us simply as gay, and treat us that way. So we’re getting electrocuted too. Sexual, gay people tell us we’re ‘cis/het’ liars trying to steal their community. So we have no safe space. We can’t find partners. Our friends, family, and fellow LGBT ppl don’t understand us or even believe in our existence. We are constantly questioning out own existence. I don’t mean to flood you. I realize that’s what I’m doing. But I’ve seen this kind of post coming from your direction a few…

times now. And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly. You’ve got a lot of followers. And being ace has made me full on suicidal in the past. So just. Think about it. Gay ace is a real thing. Can you see how you might have…

privilege over a person like that? everyone in my life sees me as gay. I fall in love with women. and yet here we are. can’t you see how I might want to be in your shoes? At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.

Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.

okay, this is long but i’m going to try to keep my answers as succinct as possible. i don’t know if this was your intention, but elements of this message feel vaguely guilt-tripping, despite the fact that none of what you’ve mentioned here presents an argument i haven’t already seen and strongly disagreed with.

“ I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist […] This doesn’t have to be the oppression olympics. ”

two things: one, you’re referring to lateral aggression in every instance but the first. what i mean by lateral aggression is that it occurs between two people–within the same community–who experience oppression along different axes (e.g. a straight trans person and a cis gay person). in contrast, a cis straight ace man who engages in homophobia and/or transphobia is not “laterally aggressing” his victim, he’s oppressing them. the reason LGBT people have become so vocal against inclusion of cis straight aces is because their oppressors are now gaining entrance to their exclusive spaces, and speaking over them. and whereas a lesbian can voice her discomfort with this on tumblr, she’s forced to stay silent at her local GSA for her own safety.

two, this isn’t an issue of a “handful” of violently homophobic people in the ace community. the founder of aven–david jay–was a homophobic white cishet man, and the platform on which he built his activism was homophobic. moreover, oppression against (straight, cis) ace people is not enforceable, because who is and isn’t ace depends entirely on the decision to identify as such! there are (as the ace community has been told many, many times) plenty of LGBT people (if not most) who have a complicated relationship with sex and sexual attraction due to abuse/assault, compulsive heterosexuality, dysmorphia, etc. none of these people can be considered “allosexual,” even if they (for perfectly valid reasons) decline to share this information publicly! these people deal with many of the same issues you’ve mentioned here (e.g. choosing between getting dumped or engaging in sexual acts when they would rather not), although they would likely attribute this to homophobia, misogyny and rape culture, not aphobia.

also: the “oppression olympics” is nonsensical and offensive and i wish y’all would stop passing that term around. yes, the LGBT community’s history is absolutely rooted in oppression of same-gender attracted and trans individuals! and yes, the community exists to actively oppose legislation that exists to oppress them, and to provide resources for those affected. the community was not founded in order to provide comfort to people who feel outcast from society for [x] reason. when you make this claim (or when you sarcastically liken the community to an exclusive “club” one gains entrance to by virtue of being oppressed) you miss the point entirely. it’s watering down the mission statement and end goal of this community, plain and simple.

“And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence.”

i find this argument (which is repeated often) to be ridiculous when the LGBT community has years of coherent history, and AVEN (and the popularization of identifying as asexual in the first place) has only gained prominence within the last decade or so. on top of that, as any oppressed individual will tell you, (and, again, something that has been repeated very often and rarely acknowledged) hypervisibility is dangerous to the oppressed! black and latinx trans women and gay men are the most endangered members of the LGBT community because it is impossible for them to “hide” themselves.

this alone should make it clear to you that what the LGBT community want and what the ace community want are two very different things–so what exactly would their shared goal in activism be? what purpose would expanding the community to include straight cis aces serve other than comforting individuals who resent being excluded? LGBT people may share the ace community’s desire for representation in media, but visibility–within the context of their everyday lives–is exactly what’s getting them killed. the pulse shooting is obviously the most recent example of this, but it’s one of many.

“One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.”

you’re introducing a very different argument here, and one i obviously don’t agree with. if you’re a gay ace, you belong in the LGBT community. i’m sorry you’ve been told otherwise. but if this entire passage (and the several paragraphs following it) are meant to convince me of this, i don’t know what to tell you? i’ve said before that–based on my history and relationship with sex and sexual attraction–i could easily identify as an ace lesbian. i don’t, for some of the reasons listed above, and personal reasons of my own–and i don’t benefit from failing to identify as ace in any material way.

“And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly.”

i’m genuinely sorry you’re feeling this way, but again, if you think this is an experience LGBT people (ace or otherwise) don’t share, then i’m not the one turning a blind eye here.

“At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.”

you need to consider that you are making assumptions about what i want from a relationship based on the fact that i don’t publicly identify as ace. this is another thing we’ve been repeating constantly: you cannot do that, and therein lies one of the issues with asexuality as a framework for oppression. also, even on the off chance that i had a perfectly healthy relationship with and desire for sex (which–as i’ve said–very few people in the LGBT community do) none of us can just “get a girlfriend.” to suggest it’s more difficult for ace people is ridiculous when LGBT people have had to resort to dating apps and LGBT-exclusive spaces in order to find people to date in the first place. and before you say that similar spaces don’t exist for aces: they need to be built, just like ours were. the onus is on adult aces, not “allo” LGBT people.

and, again, what an ace person would potentially want from an ace-exclusive space is not what an LGBT person (provably, historically) would want from an LGBT-exclusive space. ace condemnation of sex and sexuality is valid at the individual level, but it can be suffocating (and, yes–oppressive) to LGBT people who have fought long and hard to take pride in their sexuality. telling LGBT people that their love and “PDA” is “dirty” and “impure” is nothing new or progressive, it’s textbook homophobia, and those attitudes are damaging to us.

“Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.”

look…i hate to tell you this because i don’t think you mean any harm, and i’m not trying to attack you–but, as i think i said earlier, none of the arguments you’ve presented here are new to me. these are arguments that have been addressed and derailed by LGBT people (many of them ace themselves) multiple times, to no end. what you’ve mentioned here highlights an important point, and that’s “hurt feelings.” those are the stakes for straight cis aces–those are not the stakes for LGBT people (and i include LGBT aces in this statement). but i haven’t “learned” anything from these messages–i’ve never plugged my ears and ignored the arguments of straight cis aces, i’ve listened to them very carefully. and they’ve informed my opinion on this matter–an opinion that hasn’t changed and will not change. if that’s upsetting to you, you can unfollow–i won’t hold it against you!

#asks #long post for ts #discourse // lmao #i guess i'll publish this now...? while no one is awake

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lesbianminou · 5 years

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tagged by Lee @teojida

What was your last

Drink: pink milk >:3c Last phone call: uuuuuuh idk Last text: discord message abt cool multi-colored hair Last song you listened to: some nge song cause its nge time babey Last time you cried: earlier today Have you ever dated someone: yes Been cheated on: no,,,,, I think Kissed someone and regretted it: not rlly? Lost someone special: my old cat cinnamon,,,,, I miss that orange bastard Been drunk and thrown up: yes, and before throwing up I ranted abt bad anime List three fave colors: PINK, purple,and blue

In the last year have you…

Made a new friend: yes, many Fallen out of love: no, I've been single this whole year :( Laughed until you cried: yes Met someone that changed you: no Found out who your true friends are: All My Friends Are True Friends Bitch Found out someone was talking about you: no Kissed someone on your FB friends list: nope

General:

How many people on your FB friends list do you know irl: never use fb but all of them Do you have any pets: I have two cocker spaniels,,,, they r so good Do you want to change your name: YES What did you do for your last birthday: stayed up to watch tdp and skipped class like a cool kid >B) What time did you wake up today: idk like,,, 8? What were you doing at midnight last night: bleaching my hair >:3c Name something you CANNOT wait for: eva 4.0, get here already bitch Last time you saw your mother: like 5 hours ago when she went to work What is one thing you wish you could change about life: I wish I had a stable job that payed me enough to live on my own w my two dogs and fully take care of them What are you listening to right now: some eva song,,, still eva time babey!! Have you ever talked to a person with the name Tom: nope! What’s getting on your nerves: having to stay w my cause I have no facking money :pensive: Most visited website: tumblr, youtube, and netflix Nickname: faelulu uwu

Relationship status: single, can I pls get a jeef Zodiac sign: virgo bitch Pronouns: they/them Fave tv shows: surprise its eva again! Hair color: dark brown but I bleach and dye it a lot, I just dyed it to be pink purple and blue! Long or short: SHORT, but long hair is rlly cute,,,,, I just cant stand having hair Touch My Neck Height: just got messured and im not even 5 foot, just 4′11″ :/ Do you have a crush on someone: a girl ive been talking to uwu What do you like about yourself: im an nb lesbian and I think that's very sexy of me, also my cool ass hair Tattoos: none but I do want to get one some day,,,,,, Righty or Lefty: righty First surgery: had to get tubes in my ears First piercing: ears pierced First best friend: no fuckin clue my dude First sport you joined: T ball! First pair of trainers: what the fuck is a trainers

Right now

Eating: pizza Drinking: water Listening to: guess what, its more eva songs Want kids: not now,, but in future,,,,,, maype Career: art ig,,, maybe I could do hair shit?

Which is better:

Lips or eyes: lips,,,, good for kissin Hugs or kissed: kisses!!!!!!!! Shorter or taller: I like being shorter cause that means all possible gfs are taller than me >B) Romantic or spontaneous: both is good, but not like public shit that puts me on the spot Nice stomach or nice arms: they r both good, soft tumby,,, strong arms Sensitive or loud: sensitive ig?? Hook up or relationship: relationship bitch I like to know ppl!! Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: no Drank hard liquor: yes Lost glasses/contacts: no Sex on a first date: I haven't even fucked yet bitch Broke someone’s heart: idk my dude Had your own heart broken: nope! Been arrested: no, I would cry too much Turned someone down: yes Cried when someone died: no,, Fallen for a friend: those r the only ppl I fall for!!

Do you believe in:

Yourself: I Want To Miracles: no :pensive: but I wish they were real Love at first sight: no but again, something I wish was real, for me at least, Santa Claus: when I was a kid! Kiss on the first date: no, but I did kiss someone within one day of dating them! Angels: nah but they’re cool

i’m too lazy to tag ppl do it if u want

#luna.txt #teojida

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