#am i in my head where i feel tswift is objectively mediocre music and ppl who listen to her need to expand their repertoires

[july-19th-club]

one of the most annoying things my brain does is that when i enjoy something - book, movie, band, whatever - and somebody i respect doesn't enjoy it for whatever reason, like there's nothing wrong with it, it just didn't work for that person and they didn't think it was that good...well my immediate knee-jerk mental response to that type of situation is to feel like i have to start revising my opinions on the thing i liked, because if it actually was good, then Respected Person Who Didn't Like It would have a different opinion. and if i was smarter or had better taste, i'd share Respected Person's opinion. both of which lead me to develop sour feelings about things i've enjoyed immensely right up until the moment someone i care about or think is cool/smart/whatever expresses disinterest or dislike of that thing. and it fucking sucks because the solution to this problem is just "own your opinions about innocuous things" but it's incredibly fucking difficult in practice because i worry my friends will stop respecting me if i enjoy things they thought were kinda not that good. or that everybody i respect knows i have shitty taste and is just too nice to tell me about it and elevate my interests to Only Things Cool And Respected People Enjoy. and what if that's just a reflection of my own reactions??? what if my visceral disinterest in taylor swift means i actually hate everyone who genuinely enjoys her music? what if i think they're all losers with no taste? why else would i assume that's what people think of me when i say actually, the shadowhunters tvshow meant a lot to me and i thought it was good? and it becomes a deep ethical spiral that i have to claw my way up out of in order to not go into a tism crisis over Was Animated Movie Good or Was It Just Alright? and ultimately it means i rarely completely trust my own opinions on things like art, music, entertainment. just because i like it doesn't mean i should. like what if it's mid? and even though i've been working on this for years, that baseline anxiety is there in everything i experience with one regular exception: if everybody agrees something is cringe, but still fun, then i can enjoy it without worry, because there's no danger that saying 'this is so fun' will lead to people secretly thinking i'm kinda lame. and that. is why riverdale is the perfect television show for me

#like girl please be normal #about this one thing you do. please just stop doing it and be normal #and what if it doesnt matter if people think i have bad taste??? ive got a close friend who really enjoyed seeing tswift recently #and i think it's boring to go see tswift and i wouldnt have gone with her but like im glad she had fun #why do i assume that people are not extending me the same courtesy #am i in my head where i feel tswift is objectively mediocre music and ppl who listen to her need to expand their repertoires #why do i feel like every time i hold a fairly majority opinion. but people i think are intelligent dont share it #why do i feel like i need to fix what i think before they see it and realize i'm just cringe and not worth knowing #like be NORMALLLLLLL