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ksbwnotes · 3 years

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Chapter 6

*looks out into the distance* welp.

1. It is rather strange

As we later see in this chapter, Bum logically knows that this is not the type of relationship he wants to be in. But Sangwoo did things that Bum could’ve only dreamed of having--and Sangwoo takes advantage of that. Both, as a control mechanism and a way for Sangwoo to receive the love he wants just as desperately as Bum (they both just have different ways of going at it).

But still, the way Bum reacts to the sexual aspects. He becomes a person entirely uninhibited and unable to control his desires. He’s super weak to pleasure (or, in other words, he’s so desperate for a dopamine release and sex can give him a dump of that shit), which is why he is the hypersexual one in the relationship, while Sangwoo just seems to use it as a weapon.

2. Like...I get it...I GET IT...

If this was real life, then it would just be Bum not paying attention, made worse by the environment he’s trapped in, and him touching a fucking boiling pot without checking the temperature or using a towel wouldn’t be his fault.

But ever since the whole rat poison thing, I’m unable to look at this in anything but a fictional way. Because it’s like Bum is testing Sangwoo himself here as well, but using a disconnect between thoughts vs reality as a way to hide behind excuses and just generally remain self-unaware.

Because he knows that, usually, if he drops shit, Sangwoo will be there to beat the fucking shit out of him.

But...what about now?

3. Honestly, Bum, I’m confused too lol

Sangwoo has this thing of just...not thinking about things. He also has this disconnect that allows him to just respond to his environment without having to think too deeply about its significance. So long as he can separate the emotion from it, Sangwoo takes things moment by moment. I think that’s just to keep himself from getting overwhelmed because he already is running on overflow due to his PTSD.

So, I think the new rush of feelings Bum is bringing for within him is making him see his environment in a new way. Less cluttered. Less...trapped in his memories. His trauma. Which means it will take more for him to be triggered into harming Bum (i.e., Bum trying to leave him and take away this newfound peace with him).

4. *makes a what the hell motion*

...I...why though??

5. It is interesting because now...

...Instead of reacting with pain whenever Bum shows hesitance and anxiety, Sangwoo is trying a different tactic. Now that Bum has shown him that, in a way, he does genuinely have...some sort of feelings for Sangwoo, Sangwoo wants to keep that feeling.

6. Trading ice

Ahhhh this is such a good scene. Koogi delivers such an amazing representation of why battered partners stay. This scary ass bastard breaks Bum’s legs and beats him up, but with this scene of Sangwoo making out with Bum so they can swap the ice between their mouths...those are the parts that make a part of me root for them. What makes it worse is that Sangwoo is so good-looking and he sweetly calls Bum cutie, so like...if you just take in this scene and leave out the rest, that’s the part of me that wants moments like these to continue.

7. Lol, yep

Oof, classic of any and every abuser. And, honestly, any normal person. Though, I do think Bum’s mode of ‘separating’ these two is due to Bum’s mental issues as well. I think his susceptibility to psychosis and derealization makes him more prone to thinking as the same reality as two different realities.

And really, it’s not that Sangwoo has two completely different personalities. No human can maintain the same personality in every single situation.

Also, one thing I find interesting about Sangwoo’s reaction to Bum is that I don’t think these parts are part of his plan. I think these are all new additions, not actual strategies he has consciously come up with to keep Bum with him. Because no one has ever made it as far as Bum, so while he could only imagine someone getting this far with him, he has never actually entertained it until now--when he is being given the chance to.

8. oisjrgio;srejg;oiesrjgio;esjgi gdi

Honestly, this makes me very impressed with Bum. Because no matter how desperate Bum is for love, he doesn’t actually fall for the stockholm syndrome completely. Not in the beginning. I started on the chapters where he already had, so seeing how he’s fighting back against it right now gives insight to how gradual his descent was.

9. Ohh?

Wait, Sangwoo is sleeping downstairs with Bum?? So that he doesn’t have to lock Bum up in the basement, he’s compensating for that by sleeping in the same bed with Bum instead?? I can see Sangwoo’s line of thinking after Bum crosses that line: “I treat a loser homo like you nicely and sleep in the same bed as you so that you don’t have to be in the basement, and this is how you treat me instead?”

10. I have this headcanon

That Sangwoo makes sure not to sleep before Bum does. Since Bum is unchained, the risk of having Bum escape is really high, so to make sure that doesn’t happen, he only lets himself relax once Bum is asleep. Their position in bed here also makes it so that it’s very difficult for Bum to get out of the room without waking him.

Also, I do think Sangwoo has been woken up multiple times by his mom’s molestation. So he also probably automatically wakes up whenever someone touches him in his sleep. Which is why, in later panels, he responds by completing the sexual advances himself--because why else would someone touch him in his sleep? At least this way, he’s in control of the advances and it’s with someone he has...sorta chosen.

11. *screams into hands*

Sangwoo--and you know what, even you Bum, for being horny instead of disturbed--I’m begging you, PLEASE NO.

But really though...Bum’s response to not actually respond to Sangwoo’s Oepidal commentary...it shows how, while alleviating Sangwoo’s pain in the short run, does stagnate Sangwoo in his trauma in the long run.

Ughhhserhgiulheriuhguieshg i am so scared to scroooollllllll lije;osirgjoise

Okay you know what, before I scroll, one last thing: Again, Sangwoo’s comment does drive home to how...this was the only time he ever felt safe and loved. He can’t remember anything positive in his childhood that it was the time before he was born that gives him fond memories, even though he obviously can’t possibly remember that. He’s not frkkn Ray from Neverland.

ACTUALLY WAIT. Sangwoo has probably said stupid shit like this with the other girls he has been with right!?!??! Obviously any sane/average person would be disturbed by this, so they probably would chew Sangwoo out. One thing he said about the CEO’s daughter was that “this bitch thought she was better than me”.

Sangwoo’s tests for the women he dates must be different than Bum’s tests. Obviously no “don’t cross the line” shit. So while sleeping with them, he starts showing his creepy side, the thoughts that plague his mind as a way to keep him from completely losing it. And the moment he does, he sees the disgust in their faces and the way they try to get away from him, which is when he responds by...uh throwing them in the basement, I guess lol.

Omg I am trying so hard to prolong having to continue reading. 😂

12. Oh O_O

Okay so Sangwoo is now fine with it??

Ohp never mind, finally made it through the whole scene and nope, he doesn’t seem to be lol. Him having oral-based trauma seems more and more likely now. He pulled Bum off him right before he came and as you can see here, it’s like he’s...nervous. In pain. Something along those lines, either way, it’s not so much “lost in pleasure” rather than “lost in painful memories”.

I don’t think Sangwoo is allowing Bum to blow him because he wants it--it’s because he knows Bum wants it. And he’s trying to reward Bum for behaving himself and not crossing the line.

So I don’t even think Bum being a guy is even the issue here. I don’t think Sangwoo has ever finished inside any woman, whether their mouth or vagina. Because even though Sangwoo is saying things as if he does sexually love his mom, in reality, he’s so disgusted by it that he can’t function in his daily life.

I like that Koogi didn’t draw Sangwoo’s eyes here--just like how, in a flashback, we could see Eunsoo’s mouth but not her eyes. In a way, during these moments Sangwoo doesn’t feel human. Just like whenever his mom molested him, he wasn’t her son or a person during that time, just a thing for her gratification.

13. So, this is probably one representation why Bum tried to escape

Other than the obvious of NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE THE OUTSIDE WORLD AT ALL (omg, regular people rioted just one week into the frggn shutdown during a PANDEMIC, of course Bum would want to go the fuck outside), I think Bum also sees the disconnect between Sangwoo’s actions.

Bum has probably asked if he could swallow Sangwoo’s cum, but to no avail, and that Sangwoo seems to have a underlying reason lurking there that he refuses to explain and Bum is unable to understand.

Even though he wishes otherwise, he gets that Sangwoo doesn’t actually love him and, thus, can snap and kill him at any time. Sangwoo is keeping him only because Bum is obeying his rules. Otherwise, he’s meaningless to Sangwoo. He’s not a human or a person to Sangwoo. He is a thing for Sangwoo’s gratification.

14. “Can yOU gO bAck TO thE BasEMEnt BUM???”

Hmmmn, okay, so there was a vague time lapse here. Does that mean Sangwoo has been continuously putting Bum back into the basement every time he leaves??

The way Sangwoo is asking implies that he hasn’t, but Sangwoo is also a piece of shit, so maybe that isn’t a question at all. Thing is, the way Sangwoo says “ah, you’re angry?” at the end might mean something.

Anyways, if Bum really hasn’t been going down to the basement, the thing is he still isn’t letting Bum outside and it’s making Bum go stir crazy. He literally hasn’t probably seen the outside world in a week or two. And Sangwoo notices that. He sees how Bum has been slowly mentally and emotionally deteriorating due to being locked up inside.

So him going outside to meet someone might have been him setting up a test for Bum.

It really is interesting to see how tightly Sangwoo is clinging onto Bum. He’s not a serial killer just for the sake of the murder itself, he’s actually trying to find someone he who can love him...while making it impossible for them to love him lol.

15. Damp?

I wonder if the basement being too damp has something to do with why we saw Sangwoo’s hands dripping earlier, leaving that wet spot on Bum’s clothes.

16. *wheeze*

Ah, when your man whispers sweet nothings in your ear aojeroi;aje :’)

17. ...gdi, don’t make me feel bad for you

oof Koogi expertly catches the anxiety and low key desperation on Sangwoo’s face. Seriously. He has set up the test for Bum, saying he’ll be back around 7pm and all he’s doing is just waiting outside to catch him. He’s begging Bum not to cross the line. He wants Bum to prove his loyalty, earn his trust so badly.

Which is bullshit, but whatever. It still does make me wonder what kind of reward Sangwoo would’ve given Bum had he stayed and not tried to escape. How much leeway would he have given Bum afterwards? It’s an interesting what-if.

18. Bum’s expression is also interesting here

Bum’s expression is interesting here too. Koogi’s choice to do her signature red haze in the panel does suggest that he’s planning something that WILL get him beaten to death by Sangwoo too.

#volume 1 #chapter 6

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fireeaglespirit · 6 years

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viviane-lefay

Lovely. Just like the priestesses of Vesta in ancient Rome. ^^

@viviane-lefay

Owh sorry for the very old reply, but YES. The priestess of the “everflame” are directly based on that.. I just really love that part of history and such a nice example of lovable/harmless spirituality. I wanted to have a bit of that on my story too, to balance things out. And it suits Aquila’s back-story perfectly and her relationship with her mom... and her protectiveness. More to come of course, but some stuff I thought is so classical its almost obvious...

Prepare for I’m gonna dump huge amounts of info, lol..

The everflame is part, or better said, is the core of an ancient structure left by the avian predecessors, it seats right in the middle of the central floating isle... of course its some sort of spark of life or sacred thing that must be kept burning steadily or chaos will ensure and it could consume everything, but if it goes out, worse things even could happen... those are in the core of the avian worship of the sun and fire, the phoenix, etc... just a very drafty view of that... the everflame can’t be duplicated, as all tentatives resulted in failure... it burns so intensely that anything throw there turns to ashes almost instantly... it must be fed with appropriated materials that are deemed as sacred, in fact very like the nest of the phoenix from Greek and Egyptian legends, if not it goes unstable and roars dangerously.

This flame seats above a very peculiar structure and perhaps or most likely cannot be moved from there. The priestess that tends to it are often garbed in white, but to enter the room of the flames they must cover themselves in a protective armor or cloth woven with golden flammerium (a heat resistant metal), thus their relationship with the color of gold.

I also like to relate this to the worship at Heliopolis, closely associated with the rising sun and the Egyptian sun-god Ra...so this everflame stands as a symbol of rebirth and quite literally in some ways its a cyclical entity and a bit of Aithnë that still lives in this world. Its a dangerous and wonderful thing.

So it all ties, more or less like this: the phoenix reigns as sovereign of birds, its more or less the ‘pharaoh’ of avians. As the pharaoh is the son of Ra, the phoenix king or queen, is the offspring of Aithnë and its representation on earth... Almost all of avian myths circle around the ancient predecessors that they call ‘gods’, but the myth that crowns their monarch is an older one and mostly misunderstood. To sum it up, avians only accept a true reborn phoenix to rule over them... as in Arthurian legends, said person must not only be ‘a phoenix’ but be accepted by the flames, as in... its another ritual involving the legendary sword of Solaris in a way that certainly mirrors Excalibur but not exactly like it. But as you know I’d like to turn around a bit this whole chosen one complex...

Regarding Aquila’s parents... I don’t think the priestess are forbidden from having lovers, as the avians nature is one of freedom... they are required to be most diligent in the presence of the flames, and thats about it. On top of that, the avian culture has a certain female bias, as birds of prey are known to have bigger and more powerful females, I thought it was an interesting touch... so the position that Damaris is in is very respected, to the point that she is queen regent until the Solaris ritual is complete. Obviously Damaris as high priestess of that faith do believes her husband was all of that but she truly loved his more ordinary side tbh... I really want to one day work their relationship in more detail, but in my mind despite all this and his legendary heroic status, Suzaku is a down to earth guy, he’s just really wants the best for his people and feels a lot of guilty for some things... To sum it up, the female status of those priestess represents power instead of ‘purity’.

I just wanted to share with you some stuff, idk I’ve been thinking so much on how all of those characters entwine and..

This isn’t all set in stone or canon, but I do think, after Seryndra’s demise that her sister Kigaly went upon the floating islands to try to steal that flame, because of its rumored propriety of being able to bring the dead back to life.... of course she wasn't able to do so... because even if she rose to power, the Draconians have limited resources and even so they are a very militaristic society and they have this huge respect for the ancient dragons, so even the monarch can’t act without their consent... in this case once again Polaris saved the day (lol). as you know its a very Kigaly fact that unlike Sindra, she isn't focused on revenge and justice... she’s more concerned on attaining every bit of hope to bring her sister back, so it suits her that she would do this and even that she would have to encounter Suzaku back then... they certainly had a clash there and whatever happened was important for both as he disappeared little time after those events, and Kigaly went back home broken and deranged, to lick her wounds...

I think right after this Kigaly became truly ‘mad’ and started her bigger experiments that in the future would ‘awaken giants’...

And Suzaku... perhaps Suzaku went on some quest that he deemed more important than ruling the avians? I think so.. even so, Damaris was left alone with all this, she’s certainly not happy... she starts to believe that perhaps he’s really dead... But Solaris sits still in the everflame and haven’t accepted a new owner ever since... what does that means?

In fact, talking about him.. the whole chosen one complex isn't far from truth, but I want to bring out this whole thing into a more complex view of the world where these two opposing forces are up to their own desires, and its left for our heroes to find a middle ground or a balance.. so its left for Aquila to uncover the truth on those matters, and finally for her and Sindra to find a way to peace in a world doomed to war and hatred... yes I do steal those concepts from Kishimoto, but let’s hope it will end much better and more interesting.

So the Aquila you see that I often draw is not exactly the starting point as she will go thought much trouble before coming around, and even so, believe me as she gets closer to her father’s story she will learn things that are not so good regarding the whole phoenix thing... as its quite a destructive entity and selfish at the most imperative god-like way... so its either leaving the world to darkness, as the ancient serpent returns ‘to eat the light out of it’, or trusting the fury of the phoenix, to banish it once and for all... then there’s the whole other set of problems.. well I hope it all works someday! I certainly love the phoenix theme but I also like to add some ‘darkness’ to it, so all kind of things are possible, yet...

#aquila #fantasy #viviane-lefay #priestess of the everflame #avians #damaris

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