#and I'll even put on a bra like a chaos gremlin

[emilykaldwen]

I'm not sad, I just feel empty. I have moments of the excitement that just fizzle away after 10 minutes when I've moved onto focus other things. I can be excited for other people's things, I think because it's easier to rally the enthusiasm and maintain it for that, but the inner enthusiasm is something I can't hold onto rn cause you know, depression.

So I hyperfocus on you know *holds up babies* because that's a solid dopamine hit (and also I'm just getting to the meat and excitement of the story things are moving and happening, etc). Which makes sense!

So the photographer and my realtor are at the condo today and the listing should go up today or tomorrow. My period is almost done so I can go ahead and sign up for planet fitness. I need to fix my masterclass login (I didn't mean to use google to sign in). I need to, you know, leave my house. I think being sick isn't helping and I just hit the burn out exhaustion phase at the end of december like a lot of us did. Not burn out from writing, but just from everything else. Like the last two weeks of december were exhausting and then I got sick and so of course I feel bad and icky and all that stuff.

It's weird to think that this is how I spent the majority of my life constantly feeling, which I suppose is how this largely snuck up on me in a way I didn't quite realize. Which says a lot for how far I've come and how well I've done, but also just... managing. And therefore underscoring that it was a good idea to move back in with my parents so I'm not alone in the house with my pets and no human interaction.

Good news is joey and I figured out the screencapping issue yesterday so now I just need to muster the motivation to work on that lil gifset I wanted to do. But they both have so little footage so I have to figure out what I'm trying to do.

#tbd #thoughtful thoughts for this wednesday #tw depression #I guess #I'm doing laundry! #so when that's all done I'll get outta these sweatpants #and I'll even put on a bra like a chaos gremlin