#and crickets taste super nutty

[whatsabriard]

I was asked last night what my top 10 of all time eps of Hart to Hart were. Let me tell you, friends, that one threw me for a loopy loop. I finally settled on the final ten, but I have to say that these are my personal favorites - the ones that bring me the most joy and the ones I've rewatched most often. It's possible that a venn diagram of good eps and my favorite episodes might have very little overlap. I like what I like. So, in no particular order, I present the Top Ten of All Time.

Pilot - In many ways this episode is a mess. It seems like they decided to retool some things from the pilot to the series. What they didn't change, however, was the chemistry that they introduced. This episode had THE BEST one-liners and they were back-to-back-to-back. "This is going to be your first time isn't it?" To be fair, not exactly. | "If I rolled over right now and tried to make love to you, would you call the police?" Only if I thought you needed help. | "Your feet are cold." Compared to whose, your fulsome friend? "She threw me out." No taste broad. | "Or, I could refuse to make love to you for the rest of the year." That sounds like you. | "Mind if I sit down?" Mind if I scream?" The whole thing makes me giddy every time.

Hart of Darkness - My affection for this one is two-fold. It was my late best friend's favorite episode. She did things like taped the show (ON VHS, from FX and then hallmark) and sent them to me, and whenever we would discuss it she always always ALWAYS talked about this episode (and when Jennifer is in France and Jonathan has been taken hostage). She liked the angst. One of my very first gif sets was for this episode. It's deliciously angsty, has some very mild friction caused mostly by Jonathan's insecurities, and also features Jennifer being a totally protective mate... I had to write a post-ep for it, because the episode is one I've watched absolutely the most.

Downhill to Death - to this day, I'm not sure I could actually recount the plot of this one. Something about cheating spouses and double crossing and murderous frosty the snowman. I am here for that hot tub scene and Jennifer's absolute inability to control her face journeys. In every scene with side pieces and what not, she looks like someone watching a live action soap opera. No chill at all. None. Also, when Kate asks her in the steam room about how everyone falls out of love or whatever and Jennifer just LETS THE WORDS HANG IN THE AIR. she couldn't even be bothered to be like "oh yeah, I totally know what you're talking about." She just let the crickets sing. Good job, Jennifer. You made it weird.

What Murder? - I have watched this episode no less than five times *since September*. Watching Jonathan fall in love with Jennifer all over again *CHEF KISS*. Watching Jonathan seduce Jennifer all over again *CHEF KISS*. Max being the one to help him start to regain his memories? (he gave jonathan away at the wedding jfc) *CHEF KISS* The ENTIRE conversation about whether or not she'd know if he had a woman on the side? *CHEF KISS* The moment Jennifer thinks Jonathan died in a car accident *CHEF KISS*

Hart of Diamonds - this has been previously discussed but Jennifer mentally overcoming serious hypnosis purely out of love for her husband? I'm in. RIP ME.

You Made Me Kill You - I love a good stalker episode. This is a good stalker episode. (Robin was too much. Too crazy. The cop guy didn't take the surveillance seriously. the creep factor on that one was set to 11.) Peggy was nutty and scary and yeah she totally tried to kill Jennifer and dragged her around by the hair in her slip (ok, saying it out loud maybe it is that bad). But it leaned into the camp of it and Peggy wasn't super great about killing people. She was a lil bit bad at it even. I think it's perfectly reasonable that someone a little bit unhinged would take Jonathan's kind demeanor and respect towards women as something more.

Two Harts are Better Than One - do I even have to explain this. no. origin stories are the shit, and this one was perfect. (made all the more perfect by Harts All AFlutter by @andallthatmishigas yes i am interrupting this post for a commercial read it ok)

On A Bed of Harts - Jonathan Hart bought a bed for Five Million Dollars because he wanted his wife to have their honeymoon bed. He bought a vineyard and a hotel too, but his intention was THAT BED. The whole chasing the bed through san francisco was a silly mess and the real estate developer and the french government but the episode ends with the Harts fucking in their bed while it was on display in Versailles. Velvet ropes at all. Start to finish, zany madcap romantic hijinks with people who have more money than sense. EXACTLY the formula for this show.

Blue and Broken-Harted - This one was just a rip-roaring good time. The Harts "fighting". Knowing they're being bugged and deciding they're just gonna turn the radio up real loud so whoever's listening doesn't know they're shagging. Jennifer going to a singles bar and ending up in jail overnight - in a FUR COAT. It also had some nice details about their wedding and Jonathan's ex girlfriend and Jennifer got to absolutely cut the woman pretending to be Irene into tiny little pieces with her words. I love episodes where the people around them are like "these two idiots are so fucking in love it's almost gross."

What Becomes a Murder Most - setting aside the entire epic intro photoshoot, the beginning and end of my love for this episode sets at the feet of Jonathan Hart. This episode makes me lean into the whole "made in the 80s" and fucking DIG the part where Jonathan is about to rip the world apart to save Jennifer. Similar energy to "The Lady is Murder" but this time he's letting his roots show a bit and he was going to intimidate everyone and if that didn't work he was just gonna beat the living shit out of them. Jennifer's name will never be associated with Whitefury. AYE AYE MAN. YOU GOT IT, YOURE SCARY. (aside: those were some midly spicy pictures that Jonathan would have loved to keep with him for business trips without her. but you know the murdery stuff ruined them so Jennifer made sure to get another set made for him. Spicier. that's my story.)

Now I would very much like to hear from my ducklings. When the stories are fresh and the episodes are new, they hit different . Indulge me. ;) @andallthatmishigas @blossom--of--snow @glittermermaid18

#my muscle relaxer is kicking in #that got a little bit incoherent by the end #sorry #hart to hart #jennifer hart #jonathan hart #it's my obsession #top ten eps

[hauntedarbys]

i ate a cricket

so while i was in new orleans for my sister's wedding, i went to this place called the insectarium (10/10, would recommend). it's basically a bug museum, and i'm super sad that i can't visit it again without spending all day at an airport, but!! they have this one room that's full of food made with bugs, cut into lil costco-sample-sized bites?? and i managed to convince myself to eat a chocolate chip cookie with a cricket in it (mostly to horrify my niece)! and it occurred to me yesterday that someone might want to know what it was like, SO here is my review/description of A Small Cookie With A Bug In It:

the most important thing to note, i think, is that it was NOT squishy. i asked a museum employee ahead of time, bc i was really afraid it was gonna squirt cricket guts into my mouth. but since it was baked, it was more like a crunch? tbh it wasn't that different from the rest of the cookie

visually speaking, the cricket kinda looked like a pecan. if you have a vision impairment, you could easily eat the cookie without knowing it contains a bug (and if you don't, you can still trick yourself into thinking it's just a pecan)

SPEAKING OF NUTS! my uncle used to tell me bugs tasted nutty, and i don't think that's quiiiite accurate, but it's the closest descriptor i can think of. there's a sort of faintly meaty umami flavor, but it's not gross like if you tried putting steak in a cookie

there was a lingering aftertaste that was neither particularly pleasant or unpleasant

i didn't get any of it stuck in my teeth, which is always good

i got curious and googled it, and apparently there's a bit of argument in jewish and muslim communities on whether crickets are kosher/halal. idk where the disagreement comes from in jewish circles, but! apparently while insects are typically considered haraam by virtue of being "dirty," some muslim scholars argue that since there's quranic precedent for consuming locusts, crickets should also be allowed cause they're closely related? idk

anyway, if you were ever curious about eating bugs, there's my summary of what a cricket cookie is like. overall, not nearly as bad as i was afraid it'd be. the end

#bugblr #crickets #shut me up

[beersteel16]

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[sentientpaperbag]

I have a cricket story! So, at my all girls summer camp, I got selected to go on an eight day canoeing trip starting from Minnesota and ending in Canada. One of the counselors bought a bag of crickets as a joke and brought it with us. Well one day it rained super hard and a lot of our food got damp and instead of waiting for our food to dry/the lunch that was being made, I grabbed the dry bag of crickets and began eating them. They tasted nutty/earthy and weren't that bad, but everyone (1/2)

nutty/earthy is a really good way to describe cricket lol

also this is why you’re the resident cryptid, swimy.

#i don't know what i wanna know more about #the concussion or you almost skinning a quail #swimyghost

[spraklecat]

BPB humanization below, hopefully cuts are working right because lol it’s pretty long.

Blackpool Pleasure Beach HCs

While I haven’t drawn any if them out, I’ve been picturing a lot of coasters here as cartoonish ugly but charming old/older folks because the park is kind of old-timey and rough around the edges (sea air probably makes things rust faster). These were pretty tough since I very much see the rides here as rides more than anything, but they do have lots of personality so I’ll try.

Grand National- Fraternal twins that look nearly identical. Long pale horsey faces/noses and big droopy eyes, wirey and pretty bony but softer in the middle. Probably wear some period-appropriate off-white and red 30s clothing with snazzy suspenders and caps. Big goofy round glasses. Tend to look scuffed up and disheveled, moreso than the others at BPB. Two snarky old grandpas that like to switch hats (one will wear red/dark purple the other green/blue) to confuse people and do this day even other coasters don’t assume who’s who because they’re never consistent. The only way to tell them apart is that the same guy (we’ll call him Lefty for being the left side of the coaster) almost always loses their quarrels and competitions. Enjoy pranking and teasing people in the carny way but actually pretty nice guys in the end, just don’t take them seriously.

Big Dipper- Sweet old lady, wavy white hair with reddish bits, smallish eyes, short, wide nose and bear-like bottom lip that flops down a bit. Not as rambunctious as the twins and actually pretty chill depending on her mood, but sharp for her age and surprisingly flexible if you give her time to bend into a weird position (this coaster has four-row train cars and navigates a hairpin turn right after the lift which is wild to see). Long straight dresses/skirts, could go for a slight nautical theme at times. Also wears similar glasses to the twins.

Nickelodeon Streak- Gentle, weaker than the other two/three bigger wooden coasters,loves kids even to the point that he tolerates being brightass orange for the sake of making them happier. Hard to really piss off. Not as rough looking as the previous guys, Blue Flyer also looks pretty sharp.

Blue Flyer- A tiny version of Nick Streak. If he weren’t so old he’d be mistaken for one of the kiddos in his area lol

Revolution- Silver fox, has aged VERY gracefully, with spiked hair, pointy features, and all grey clothes, maybe a vaguely military look. Big fitness nut who always hogs the damn step climber machine. Has sudden but predictable mood snaps throughout the day but a damn reliable worker and pleasant guy. Buddies up to Icon because of their similar colors but Icon doesn’t really “get” him personality-wise and things are kind of awkward between them. Still loves Irn-Bru even though it’s not a sponsor anymore.

Icon- German/Japanese, slick minimalist aesthetic and looks nothing like the other guys at his park. Shiny grey haired late teen/young adult, muscular but compact and a bit curvy and generally an attractive guy. Friendly enough but the difference in mindset between him and the others is too much for things to not be awkward. Sometimes does amazing things but also fucks around a lot.

Big One- Tall with long limbs that make her look even bigger, broad but more wirey and “dry” than buff. Lots of hard edges. Long primary color red hair usually done up in braids or a scrunchy, very 90s cool kid fashion sense and always has a Union Jack print shirt. Tan, but nobody’s sure if that’s her natural skin tone or fake, she’s kind of orange lol. She can change her outfits/appearance a lot and still be recognizable because everyone just knows her as being big and always wearing red and blue. While intimidating, she’s actually pretty nice and chill and loves adventure, and thinks nothing of doing some pretty crazy things because she half-asses everything but that’s still impressive when doing those sorts of things. Doesn’t get along super well with her bro Magnum but would be buds with Millennium Force if they weren’t so far apart because they’ds both big, relatively gentle rides that are more remarkable for being huge and expansive and for having cool views than being particularly amazing ride-wise. Tends to sprawl everywhere when sitting/laying down, to others’ annoyance. Drinks too much Pepsi Max.

Infusion- Another cool 90s chick, much shorter and smaller than Big One though kind of similar build. Tightly curled blue hair, always wears bathing suits or beachy attire. LOVES vaporwave aesthetic, especially anything involving retro cgi water or Fiji. Loves anything water, actually, particularly squirt guns and fountains. Can be a bitch but also a ton of fun to hang around with (what a bad unintentional pun) and very energetic. Tries to pal around with B&M inverts but they look down on her for being a Vekoma wanna-be.

Avalanche- Much as I love this ride, man itms hard to think about it this way. Ava is of Swiss descent but has never actually bobsledded and there’s not even much snow in Blackpool, but she does enjoy water/regular slides or sliding down hills in wagons. Zany and unrestrained but tires fast.

Steeplechase- Oh geez. They’re like the Grand National twins’ even more mischevious mini-me triplets. Fortunately they rarely act all together and it’s just two of them. Tiny little rambunctious munchkins that rampage around coaster infields after park hours and like to harass the carousels because they’re freeee and punch people in the love handles because it’s all they can reach. Moderately annoying and physically weak, but so amusing in their antics that other coasters don’t really care.

Also I really liked the dark rides here so I’ll do them as well!

Ghost Train- Loves spoopy stuff, but more just for the creepy/morbid factor than trying to jumpscare people or make them scream. Eclectic taste ranging from standard horror to goofy skeleton jokes. Acts like a grandma to other ghost trains and spooky rides, particularly the one at Thorpe, makes them skull cookies made from cricket flour and knits them socks with spiderwebs and stuff on them and the like lol

River Caves- Little old lady, completely off her rocker and rambles on about things so nonsensical it’s actually impressive. According to Maxim (Flying Machines), she’s always been pretty nonsensical, though. Very eclectic fashion tastes from different cultures and art movements.

Alice in Wonderland- Also a pretty weird older lady, though not as old or strange as the previous two. Obviously a big fan of the book and probably movie, voice can be quiet and hard to understand. Cat lady. A close relative (maybe even sister? I think it’s the same ride system) of the Alice ride at Disneyland, as she’s also an Arrow!

Wallace and Gromit- Scatter-brained but the least nutty of the dark rides.

Valhalla- Closed the whole time I was there RIP Some viking dude who’s nuts about both water and fire and likes to fucking drench people. Probably friends with Infusion for that reason.

Bonus:

Hell Raiser (the Waltzer at South Pier)- Grandiose guy, dresses like a circus ringmaster and 90s arcade carpet simultaneously. Likes loong electronic/dance songs, his favorite song is the 8-minute mix of “You Spin Me Round”. Very charismatic and good at changing things up enough to not tire/bore people, but can still wear others down.