#and even then I didn't have my emotional-viral-video-moment where I cried in the mirror about it

[monster-noises]

Im so happy it's almost your 2 year!! Congratulations on that milestone that is absolutely such a celebration. How have you felt since getting top surgery? Any unexpected and happy benefits you didn't think or expect to be a happy thing before the surgery? 🎃

thank you!!! considering I was waiting in Limbo for 5 years waiting to be contacted by the surgeon I really didn't think this day would come where I just feel Normal having a Body.. So every milestone is a gift and a blessing! Things since surgery have felt..... just so nice. Just.. Peaceful. just nice. y'know? (I mean aside from the Agonies but that has to do with the shambling mass that is the Rest of my life and not my chest) I've always described the way I experience(d, it's not so much a factor in my life anymore) dysphoria was less an acute sensation or thought and more of like... a Vague Schism? like I piloted my body around but I wasn't really there? it's hard to explain.. cause it's the kind of thing you notice more actively after it's Gone than while it's There. T helped a lot, keeps helping a lot, but after top surgery, when I'd finished healing and could just.. live my life Sans Tits I could feel that schism close, and the me in my head and the me in the Meat World finally.. met. And it's just.. really nice. Having a Body. Being your body. it's a good fucking time. leaves a lot of room for other things. I don't think there's been a lot of... surprises? so far.. in terms of what I've found happiness in.. I guess the journey I've been on from being kind of uncomfortable with how my body ended up being shaped after they scooped out Literally Everything to kinda loving it but that's more related to a lightly separate but definitely entangled journey of self discovery (everyone say Thank You Karl) So I guess the most surprising and pleasant thing is just How Much it helped me feel more comfortable in my gender? But really all of it's been great. Very chill, very peaceful, 10/10 no regrets. \(v-v)/

#monster noises #I feel like I had such a weird experience with the surgery itself #I think I posted about it at the time but like.. #I really wasn't feeling it at first #not like.. regretting the surgery I knew that was the right choice #but I just felt bad and weird and even more foreign in myself #until things settled down and I could take of the medical binder #and I didn't have to do so much everyday care and worry about if something was going wrong #that I could let it sink in? #and even then I didn't have my emotional-viral-video-moment where I cried in the mirror about it #(to be clear I'm not saying anything about that kind of reaction! I'm honestly kinda jealous that I never got that... #it just feels like that's what the expectation is...) #instead I was just.. hanging out at home one day #all healed up a few weeks later #just living my life #when I stopped in front of the mirror and it was just like #Oh. #hey! #There you are! I've been waiting an awful long time. It's nice to finally meet you! #I just finally.. Was #and I just smiled about it #maybe did a little stim wiggle #as I am want to do #and went about my day #very aware that an ever present static in the back of my head was just... not there anymore #and that was that