#just living my life

[yelena-bellova]

I made it exactly six days without getting a Dune 2 spoiler 🙃

#i tried #this is also a psa to TAG YA DING DANG SPOILERS #IT’S NOT EVEN BEEN A WEEK #i wasn’t even in the tags it was just some random twitter account #which makes it worse because I WASN’T EVEN PLAYING WITH FIRE #JUST LIVING MY LIFE #*sigh* the only thing that makes it slightly better is it’s something i pretty much assumed would happen #just from a storytelling perspective #but still #if you don’t see a movie opening weekend you’re basically guaranteed to have it spoiled #end of rant

[rheaswrath]

me? unhinged? when my idea of fun is singing pop songs while cleaning up the kitchen? of course.

#just living my life #chaotic academia #chaotic energy

[monster-noises]

Im so happy it's almost your 2 year!! Congratulations on that milestone that is absolutely such a celebration. How have you felt since getting top surgery? Any unexpected and happy benefits you didn't think or expect to be a happy thing before the surgery? 🎃

thank you!!! considering I was waiting in Limbo for 5 years waiting to be contacted by the surgeon I really didn't think this day would come where I just feel Normal having a Body.. So every milestone is a gift and a blessing! Things since surgery have felt..... just so nice. Just.. Peaceful. just nice. y'know? (I mean aside from the Agonies but that has to do with the shambling mass that is the Rest of my life and not my chest) I've always described the way I experience(d, it's not so much a factor in my life anymore) dysphoria was less an acute sensation or thought and more of like... a Vague Schism? like I piloted my body around but I wasn't really there? it's hard to explain.. cause it's the kind of thing you notice more actively after it's Gone than while it's There. T helped a lot, keeps helping a lot, but after top surgery, when I'd finished healing and could just.. live my life Sans Tits I could feel that schism close, and the me in my head and the me in the Meat World finally.. met. And it's just.. really nice. Having a Body. Being your body. it's a good fucking time. leaves a lot of room for other things. I don't think there's been a lot of... surprises? so far.. in terms of what I've found happiness in.. I guess the journey I've been on from being kind of uncomfortable with how my body ended up being shaped after they scooped out Literally Everything to kinda loving it but that's more related to a lightly separate but definitely entangled journey of self discovery (everyone say Thank You Karl) So I guess the most surprising and pleasant thing is just How Much it helped me feel more comfortable in my gender? But really all of it's been great. Very chill, very peaceful, 10/10 no regrets. \(v-v)/

#monster noises #I feel like I had such a weird experience with the surgery itself #I think I posted about it at the time but like.. #I really wasn't feeling it at first #not like.. regretting the surgery I knew that was the right choice #but I just felt bad and weird and even more foreign in myself #until things settled down and I could take of the medical binder #and I didn't have to do so much everyday care and worry about if something was going wrong #that I could let it sink in? #and even then I didn't have my emotional-viral-video-moment where I cried in the mirror about it #(to be clear I'm not saying anything about that kind of reaction! I'm honestly kinda jealous that I never got that... #it just feels like that's what the expectation is...) #instead I was just.. hanging out at home one day #all healed up a few weeks later #just living my life #when I stopped in front of the mirror and it was just like #Oh. #hey! #There you are! I've been waiting an awful long time. It's nice to finally meet you! #I just finally.. Was #and I just smiled about it #maybe did a little stim wiggle #as I am want to do #and went about my day #very aware that an ever present static in the back of my head was just... not there anymore #and that was that

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[lylahammar]

the way that this page in particular was adapted just OOZES studio trigger tbh. like I know everyone likes to joke about studio trigger being the horny studio, but the quick jerky animation direction is what truly makes their work recognizable to me. I can practically see Lio Fotia bleeding through the pixels in that 5 frame animation of Falin peeking through her fingers

#lyla's talking again #dungeon meshi #I was thinkin about the clip of her peeking through her fingers just now and had to say my thoughts lol #but also that sequence of her scrambling over the building is going to live in my head for the rest of my life tbh #it's BEAUTIFUL #animation

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:

vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)

which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.

luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.

why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.

vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.

then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.

which then require months of further specialized treatment.

the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage

vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.

the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!

it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!

which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s

Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.

today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar

if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!

in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!

(src)

#Vanilla Extract #i open the tumblr app and immediately my nostrils are invaded by the overwhelming stench of vanilla #also if you want real vanilla extract at a discount: check out stores like HomeGoods TJMaxx Marshalls etc #the foodstuffs section tends to have fancy nonperishables for much cheaper than upscale grocery stores #you can get things like saffron truffles fancy oils at surprising prices #still expensive but like. 50% cheaper #or just shoplift if that's your thing i won't tell you how to live your life #did i just spend an hour writing this? yes. why did i do that? i don't KNOW

[trashmakerarticle]

Everyone thinks that dick was the golden child when in reality it was Jason.

Clark: Bruce who was your favourite robin?

Dick: obviously it’s me?

Tim: it’s dick

Damian: I am superior robin, it will be me.

Bruce: it’s Jason

Everyone: WHAT?!?!???

Bruce: why are you so surprised? He didn’t jump on too my chandeliers which I had to replace each week

*everyone looks at dick*

Bruce: he didn’t drop out of school

*everyone looks at tim*

Bruce: I didn’t have to stop him from killing everyone who annoyed him

*everyone looks at Damian*

Bruce: in fact, he enjoyed school and handed all his homework in on time, we would spend hours in the library reading his favourite classics. He even helped Alfred with most of the cooking, He was my little boy

Jason: stop spreading lies, I hate you go away

Bruce: my precious little boy

#jason todd #Bruce Wayne #dick Grayson #Damian Wayne #tim Drake #clark kent #Batman #alfred pennyworth #Bruce: he my little baby #jason: I’m 6’2 and have the ability to kill you if I wanted #Bruce: my baby my little son #jason: GOD YOURE SO EMBARRASSING DAD #jason was probably the most behaved child before he went boom boom and I stand by that #he enjoyed school #most likey hated it when he missed it #and he loves classic literature??? #bros a huge nerd #yea dick is all smiles but probably gave Bruce’s near death heart attacks everytime he swung from chandeliers and rooftops #jason just wanted to live his life in the library reading his fav books and homework

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[astearisms]

fionna and cake drawings before and after watching the episodes so far. it’s nostalgic and somehow cathartic and poignant and relatable and—it just started

#i’m part of the demographic where i was a kid when adventure time started and now watching fionna and cake as an adult makes me emotional #because did they keep us in mind when writing fionna and her attitude towards life #the dissatisfaction #the hoping for something more #something more magical than this dreary life filled with working to live and living to work #it’s so reflective of how life feels for me and perhaps many of us #and also Simon’s episode was so sad but so well thought out #exploring his feelings after the events of the adventure time finale is something I’m glad we get to see #there were already so many layers to his character in AT but now it feels like we get to dive deeper #I also felt emotional hearing Rebecca Sugar singing and writing a song that encapsulates his feelings so well #😭 it’s been awhile seeing her work exist alongside these characters #and all of these emotions get stronger because I remember AT being the one to inspire me to be a storyboard artist #when I was younger I used to follow many of the board artists here in tumblr and would get so inspired by them #to create simple but powerful boards that can capture the feelings of characters so well #Rebecca Sugar’s songs for the AT characters inspired me so much too #I’m sorry this is long I’m just feeling so many things experiencing all of this again as an adult #my art #fanart #adventure time #fionna and cake #fionna the human #cake the cat #simon petrikov

[anna-scribbles]

adrien tell ur mom to leave me alone !

#rip emilie agreste u would’ve loved breaking dawn pt. 1 #and family vlogger youtube channels #and AI #my art #emilie agreste #ml #she’s plaguing me. can you tell #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #gabriel agreste #nathalie sancoeur #i think it’s so swag that peacock holders don’t get masks #they just turn purple #the peacock miraculous made everyone slay #except for gabe. that man couldn’t slay if his life depended on it. he only knows how do get uglier. #anyway shout out to the emilie agreste who lives in my brain. that girl is crazy #thirteen #eye strain #tw eyestrain #eyestrain

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[mxcrayon]

losing my actual mind rn

i had this interaction in the dropout discord (i am the first and third person). short. simple. i only got the first year bc of a discount + a gift card i had, so i was planning on using this person's suggestion.

then, i got this.

oh my god!! how nice!! how sweet!!! how thoughtful!! i gave them my email and they sent over a subscription, i thanked them profusely. i was very grateful, very touched.

hours and hours later i was still thinking about it and i recalled how, in the email id gotten about it, it said "tao yang sent you a subscription" and id seen that and thought "oh haha like the tao yang" and then moved on

but now, thinking back, i was like.... theres no way, so i googled tao yang.

......

TAO YANG BOUGHT ME A FUCKING ANNUAL DROPOUT SUBSCRIPTION

#tao yang #dropout #dropout.tv #dimension 20 #AAAAAAAAAAA #losing my literal actual mind #i think hes so funny #i was already rly grateful and touched and now im just like flustered and starstruck #this is quite literally the most celebrity interaction ive ever had in my life #and i didnt even realize while it was happening #now i want to message him again but i feel like thatd be weird #sam responded to my question once and i still think about it now months latwr #bc THAT had been the most direct celebrity intersection id had #and this was like six levels above that #crazy world we live in #anyway. i have dropout again!!!! yippee!!!!

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts #course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism #being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍 #hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn #i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well. #obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it. #realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus #cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself #into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway. #so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation #but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct! #and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want... #best case scenario. is what i'm saying. #every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy #and it's so fucking satisfying. every day. #fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system #you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao #yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :) #aromantic #aromanticism #aro positivity #aroace #arospec #sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon #you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself. #FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better #life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not #i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao

[oceanmoss]

#this^ is so real rn im so sleeep deprived it's crazy and im fighting the urge to ruin every relationship in my life UGHHHH #IK I SHOULD JUST SLEEP IMMEDIATELY...... #maybe i'll take a sleeping pill like i can't keep living lije some sort of tortured demon #🧷

[finemealprompt]

DP x DC Prompt #16

When Hal had asked him which town he protected, Danny was more than happy to tell him, "Amity Park!" When Hal asked Danny where it was, Danny hadn't thought the response, "At this moment? Or where it was last week?" would've caused such chaos in the meeting.

Danny knew not everyone's town traveled across the country, but he didn't think it was odd enough to warrant this kind of reaction.

#finemeal prompt #dp x dc #danny fenton #justice league #hal jordon #amity park #amity park moves around #ya know how a lot of people put amity park in different states? #this is my “in universe” reason for it #like amity park just moves from city to city #just living its best life #one day you go to bed in Minnesota #and wake up in California #just another day in the life of Amity Parkers #they're used to it #don't ask me how this works practically #it just works #trust me

[xcleanx]

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? were you writing a book? were you a sleeper-cell spy? in fifty years will all this be declassified? and you'll confess why you did it… and i'll say good riddance ’cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden…. I WOULD’VE DIED FOR YOUR SINS INSTEAD I JUST DIED INSIDE!!!!!!!!! AND YOU DESERVE PRISON BUT YOU WON’T GET TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU’LL SLIDE INTO INBOXES AND SLIP THROUGH THE BARS YOU CRASHED MY PARTY IN YOUR RENTAL CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SAID NORMAL GIRLS WERE BORING BUT YOU WERE GONE BY THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU KICKED OUT THE STAGE LIGHTS BUT YOU’RE STILL PERFORMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…………. and in the plain sight you hid……. and you are what you did…… and i’ll forget you but i’ll never forgive…. the smallest man who ever lived.

#HOW CAN YOU JUST SIT AND WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT??????????? #i swear this song is gonna stay with me my whole life #taylor swift #the smallest man who ever lived #the tortured poets department