istg these kids...
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Example 4,305,108 of Alfred being an absolute savage
Batman: The Long Halloween Part 1
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au where Jason stays with Talia and Damian after being resurrected because he’s gone slightly insane and wants to commit murder and Talia is having none of that, nope, gonna convince child to stay at my side until the Pit wears off, Ra’s be damned.
fast forward a few years, Jason has mostly chilled out, though is still down to murder criminals. He spends most of his time annoying the hell out of Ra’s and sometimes running missions behind Ra’s back for Talia. He’s basically Damian’s older brother. Probably goes by either Jay or Jace, but Damian at least is aware that his full name is Jason since he’s heard Talia use it. Jason has thought about letting the bats know he’s alive, but always backed out.
then Talia sends Damian to live with Bruce. Jason is often away on his own by this point, for missions or just because he wants to travel, and isn’t there when this happens.
now, Damian is an absolutely brat, and everyone immediately is like “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.” they’re going through the house and Damian is making snotty comments about everything when suddenly he freezes, surprising everyone. He squints at a portrait on the wall.
“...who’s that?” he asks slowly.
“Ah, that’s... Jason. Jason Todd. The second Robin. He... died, a while ago,” Dick explains with a sad, faraway smile.
“.....riiiiiiight,” Damian says slowly. Suddenly a whole lot of things make sense -- he knows Jay came back from the dead, but he doesn’t know how Jay and Mother knew each other. “If you’ll excuse me. I need to make a phone call.”
He sprints out of the room.
(Talia, for the record, definitely knew this was going to happen when she sent Damian to Bruce.)
Two weeks later Damian tows a reluctant young man with black hair into the Batcave, trailed by an astonished Alfred.
“Damian!” Bruce says, horrified. “You can’t just bring strangers into the Cave! It’s completely irresponsible, do you have any ideas what the consequences could be for us-”
There’s a crash, and they all turn to stare. Dick is staring at Damian and the newcomer, his chair lying sideways on the ground, stunned. “That’s impossible,” he murmurs, voice shaking. “You’re --”
Damian rolls his eyes. “Jace isn’t a stranger, Father. He’s my brother.”
“Brother-?” Bruce turns to look at the man, and promptly drops the files he’s holding.
Jason Todd smiles nervously at him. “Hey, old man. Long time no see.”
EDIT: I have more! Check out Way Too Many HCs I Have for this AU because it’s pure fluff and I’m living for it at the moment
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i love the idea of the batfam just making shit up about Batman and other heroes just believing it because its fucking Batman. like what are you going to do? prove them wrong?
like one time Nighwing makes a goth reference saying something like "Batman did not lose his virginity on his parents grave for this" and like Raven gets the reference because goths unite and all that but the rest of the Titans genuinly believe Batman lost his virginity on his parents grave FOR YEARS
or Tim just goes "Bats did not have sex with Dracula for me to be such a pussy" right before doing the dumbest thing mankind has ever seen. And Kon and Bart are just standing there like ??? batman did what??
Steph tells Hal Bats is actually half vampire and that is why he denies being one, it being a rather sensitive subject for him and all, he said he didnt believe her but he never brought it up again
Damian: Father did not snipe JFK for this
Jon, just trying to have a good day:
Jason tells Roy the same things as Dick to keep the bullshit going but he keeps adding even wilder stuff so its like "yeah bats actually stitched me up after i came back" or "bats was supposed to be in an arranged marriage in 1820 but it turned out that the woman was a serial killer so that didnt work out" and at this point Roy knows to take it with a grain of salt but,,, he's never sure and it pisses him off
Cass: Batman killed prince phillip
Kon, who was simply chilling: aight
Barbara: lmao remember when Bats got send back in time and burned down the library in Alexandria?
Duke: lmao yea
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Poor Bruce￼ genuinely getting hurt in front of a large group of witness and having no idea how to react. Like yea, it’s hurts, but he’s had so much worse. So instead he just doesn’t and everyone freaks out more thinking he’s in shock
Bruce: [idk gets hit by a car, gets shot, something] “oh no?”
Witness: “call 911! Mr. Wayne how many fingers am I holding up?!”
Bruce: “… um, 4”
Witness: “what day is it?! Do you know??”
Bruce: “… Wednesday…”
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I like the idea of Damian inheriting Bruce’s adoption problem but not because he sees himself in them or wants kids or anything. He just doesn't realize he can choose NOT to adopt them.
Like he sees a child who is in need and he literally sees no other option than to take care of them himself:
Orphaned child who would quite easily be given to the proper authorities and put in a good home with the Wayne's money and influence: *exsists in Damian’s general vicinity*
Damian who is likely only 18 or some shit: well shit. Looks like I'm a father now. This child needs me. I have no other option then to take them in and raise them as my own. There is literally no place for this child to go. But such is life. This is a burden that I will undertake because this poor orphan has no one but me.
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I proudly present to you DC fan art, inspired by Roy Lichtenstein's pop art, inspired by DC's cover art.
(Damian painted this for Jason's birthday and Jason thinks it's probably the best gift anyone has ever given him. It makes him laugh every time he looks at it.)
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Ok so I never watched Icarly but this joke makes me laugh everytime I see it so...
Here have at it!
Also it was my first time drawing batman so I know it's not really good.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life....
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batman: wayne family adventures + my favorite comments
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Hmm... The batfam influencing each other behavior-wise. Like you know when you spend a lot of time with someone you kinda copy some of their mannerisms? Yeah that.
When Damian is really pissed off, he swears exactly like Jason, crime alley accent and all.
When Jason is supremely unimpressed, he makes this "tt" noise that Damian does.
Tim and Jason are the only ones who manage to successfully raise an eyebrow like Alfred does, you know the one that speaks volumes.
When Cass smiles real wide, one of her eyes almost closes - that's a thing she picked up from Dick.
Steph and Jason both have this habit to snap their fingers when they're thinking, and for the love of god they really can't figure out who did it first.
Tim shrugs exactly like Bruce does.
Cass and Jason both are super good at moving silently but they can't figure out if it's because of their abusive childhoods or assassin training.
Bruce and Jason both sort their books by color.
Dick is shit at cooking, but what little he knows he learned from Jason.
I don't know much about Duke, but he drinks the same brand of tea as Damian.
May add more, feel free to add!
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Damning facts about the bat family
Dick: puts toilet paper on the roll the wrong way
Jason: writes other heroes "anonymous" fanmail to keep his dark persona in tact. Wonder Woman and Black Canary have received many fan letters from 'Juan Todo'
Cass: sleeps in jeans
Tim: claims he is allergic to seafood, but truthfully he just hates it
Stephanie: stands too close to people when waiting in line
Duke: judges people based on their zodiac signs. Refuses to associate with Aquarius's
Damian: incorrectly uses the oxford comma
Babs: is responsible for starting the minions meme trend used by middle age women on facebook
Bruce: bought a kindle to read his favorite genre: bad/cheesy romance novels in secret. Prefers enemies to lovers trope
Alfred: knows all of the above and will use it if needed
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Robin Musings, as per Krypto
Ph.D. (tummy rubs), M.A. (The Art of The Good Boi)
Oh boy Clark finally made me a grandpup!
How well my grandpup fights!
And how well he flies!
The chickens are trying to adopt him
Quick, bark at the chickens
Let me lick your woes away
Oh I know all about sibling rivalry
See how the horses prance around and look all majestic
But I know that Clark loves both of us equally
Ah I have imparted wisdom
The pup is skinny!!
Feed the pup-!
I can't lactate :/
Quick, let's go to Bessie
Woman has like, six calves, she can spare some milk
Brush me as you would brush your glorious hair
Now for the finale
We shall shed on Bruce's favorite chair :)
Robin III again
Skinny pup is dating Kon-pup!
Glorious, I will have great-grandpups now
That is, if Bruce doesn't keep yelling
Ruins the mood :/
How will my dynasty continue at this rate
Quick! Snuffle the anger away!
Oops I squished him
It's ok :)
The pup is kidnapping me!
Someone save me- oh wait
Tell Clark I said bye :)
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“Batman, where the hell have you been, Loca?”
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Dick, swinging from the chandelier: B!!!! Look at me!!!!
Bruce, following Dick in case he falls: I'm crying- I'm begging. Please, stop.
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8-year-old Dick: “so what’s with that bat ears?”
Bruce: “they’re rockets”
25-year-old Dick: “wait, he was serious”
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Robin: I could get killed
Robin: Or even worse, Bruce could give me a lecture on responsibility again
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Damian: The path to inner peace begins with four words.
Damian: NOT. MY. F*CKING. PROBLEM.
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I've Got a Good One
I don't know how this never occurred to me before! Oh man, this is great. Bear with me guys.
Bruce Wayne is a ridiculously wealthy owner of a tech company that is at the forefront of multiple scientific advancements. He is a white guy with black hair and blue eyes. Now, if I lived in a world where as much weird shit happens as happens in DC comics, I'd take one look at Bruce Wayne's three black-haired, blue-eyed, light-skinned "adopted" sons and be like: "Yeah, those are definitely clones."
The stories don't even make sense half the time?? The first kid is the son of two people who were murdered, but for some reason he was never put in the foster care system?? He just wound up in Wayne's custody. And his parents were from out of town, so there's conveniently no one in Gotham who can verify their existence.
Jason Todd was a street kid. There are few if any verifiable records on him. Everyone knows the Drake family was murdered. Bruce Wayne just stole the dead kid's name for his latest clone.
All of Bruce Wayne's kids are clones is such a popular conspiracy theory in Gotham City that it's widely accepted as fact in many circles. Bruce is used to people speculating about his life, so he wouldn't be so annoyed about it if his kids would just stop leaning into it. "Gotta keep in good shape. Never know when Father might need a kidney." - Jason Todd, to a very excited blogger.
Meanwhile Damian, who is actually a clone, everyone believes is his natural child. He also eggs on the conspiracy nuts, with absolutely no subtlety. "Yes, Grayson and I are very close. I'll miss him when Father begins to age and does the consciousness transfer."
Superman: Nothing. 👀
Batman: I'm in the middle of something, what?!
Superman: ... Are they actually-
Batman: Just because I'm a billionaire doesn't mean I clone myself for fun! We aren't all Lex Luthor!
Superman: ... Okay, but that's not a no...
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Devil works hard but DC people who desperately want us to forget the homoeroticism in their Batman/Superman comics by having the children be the queer ones work harder 😂😂
Not saying I'm not happy about it, but it's funny how they'll literally make everyone except the obvious ones queer.
What?? Batman and Superman are super straight. Nothing gay in any of these panels from DC.
They didn’t? - that last panel isn’t after?
Clark Kent blew out bruce Wayne’s back and Bruce is thanking him with a cup of coffee. I can’t see any other explanation😤
Anyways, they’re just two close friends that save the world and explore each other bodies together. Probably will buy a house and live together for 60 years vibe.
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