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#batsiblings

Dick: the entire thing is one long sentence but it’s grammatically correct so Bruce can’t say anything

Jason: waits until the morning paper comes and crosses out the inaccurate parts 

Tim: writes “lmao” after every horrific incident

Damian: 50-page dissertation on a bike thief

Duke: 3–5 pages double spaced Times New Roman size 12 font in MLA format

Cullen: he’s not a vigilante but he doesn’t wanna feel left out so he gets Bruce to beta-read his 200k Destiel fix-it fanfic

Stephanie: yellow text on white paper—as soon as it leaves the printer it’s Bruce’s problem

Cassandra: turns crime scene photos into greeting cards

Barbara: writes it correctly, but her file sizes are too big so each email contains six separate attachments

Harper: list of numbers with zero context

Carrie: a drawing of the Riddler on a unicycle

683 notes

Dick Grayson: I see the glass as half full, Damian sees it as half empty. That’s why we make a good team. Jason, on the other hand, just drinks right out of the bottle. Tim wonders why it has to be glass and why it can’t be coffee instead, and Steph usually breaks the glass, if there’s no glass problem solved.

132 notes

I believe this is what you’re looking for:

Keep On Dreaming, Some Come True by Queerbutstillhere

When Jonathan Samuel Kent finds himself in a situation of being a very poor college student, he ends up stumbling himself into another situation.

He finds himself being an escort to one Billionaire Heir Damian Wayne.

Yup, he’s getting paid to fake date Damian Wayne.

This can’t go wrong at all, right?

94 notes

Let Cass and Alfred be something other than perfect badasses

It seems to me that people want to see them as these faultless figures among a Disaster Bat™ family but honestly… I’m getting tired. You can only spend so long looking at perfect people before it gets boring

Yes, they’re hardened warriors and seasoned former spies, but they’re also human, and all humans have flaws, failures, nuances, losses, and breaking points. Don’t get me wrong, I love these characters, but I’d love them more if they weren’t placed on a pedestal

171 notes
Conversation
Damian
My Kryptonian has to be of the highest standard.
Jon
*trips over his own feet, bumps into a lamp post, and apologizes to it*
Damian
I want that one.
895 notes

  • Fridays are Froot Loops Fridays, where, at any moment, Lian decides they’re having Froot Loops
  • They’re the family that grabs pancakes at midnight
  • Inspired by Damian, Lian hid a chinchilla in her bedroom for three weeks before Jason found out
  • Roy bought matching Pokémon onesies
  • Jason bought a second phone because he filled the first one’s storage with family pictures
  • Lian loves the aquarium, but as she gets older she learns about the conditions the animals face and decides to become a marine biologist and animal advocate
  • The batfam can tell when Jason’s been out with the Harpers because he won’t shut the hell up
  • Lian loves Takis. Roy can’t handle the spice
  • Jason and Roy get Lian one of those kiddie phones with like four buttons because they don’t want her having a real one too young
  • They leech off Dick’s Netflix and he called to complain about all the Doc McStuffins episodes in his recommendations
  • For Christmas, Roy jokingly put an Elf on the Shelf in Lian’s room. The next night, it appeared in Jason and Roy’s room with an actual camera taped to its head
  • They went to a showing of The Chronicles of Narnia in cosplay. Roy was the lion and Jason was the witch because Lian wanted to be the wardrobe so badly
  • One time Jason had to sub in for Roy at Lian’s parent-teacher conference. When the teacher asked who he was, Jason panicked and said “Lian’s other dad”. This was before he and Roy got together
  • Jason and Roy don’t give piggybacks so much as they walk around with Lian clung to the back of their shirts like a koala. Sometimes they don’t even notice her
  • Even though death was the single most terrifying experience for Jason, when Lian asks about it he tells her it’s nothing to be afraid of
  • Lian’s the kid who owns a ton of pink Barbie dolls and pretends they’re her personal army in taking over the world
293 notes
Conversation
Jason
Please don't tell Bruce.
Dick
Oh, I'm not going to say a word.
Jason
You're doing to make me tell him, aren't you?
Dick
Loud and clear. And every nitty gritty detail.
772 notes
Conversation
Alfred
Nice things to whisper when hugging someone?
Dick
You smell different when you're awake.
Duke
Please help me.
Tim
Soon.
Jason
You have lovely skin, I can't wait to wear it.
Stephanie
Your hair tastes like strawberries.
Cullen
Tonight... you.
Bruce
He knows. Don't go home.
Barbara
I always knew you would die in my arms.
Kate
No one will ever believe you.
Cassandra
Yessssssssssss.
Harper
I killed Mufasa.
Carrie
I bet you didn't feel me lick your ear.
Damian
Mother told me it would be like this.
Alfred
Oh Christ.
841 notes

dick: your twenties are weird. i have the priorities of a kindergartener again. i don’t know what in the hell is going on EVER. i like colours. i like soup. i just want to take a nap

criminal: you should probably sort out your priorities

dick: well that makes two of us, doesn’t it?

107 notes
<div> —  Dick’s opinion on criminals </div><span>I hate criminals. They’re rough, coarse, irrating, and they are everywhere.</span>
13 notes
Conversation
Bruce, introducing Damian to the Justice League
Everybody, this is Damian. Damian, this is everybody.
Hal
I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.
Barry
I know. I still am one of these!
747 notes
Conversation
Cassandra
I would be That Person who throws a rock into the deep, dark, spooky water with bad vibes that everyone says not to disturb, and yeah obviously I'd die for it but at least I'd die doing what I loved: throwing rocks and causing problems on purpose.
513 notes
<div> —  All of the robins trying tot go at the same time when Batman suits ups </div><span>Its going to be MEEEEEEE!</span>
4 notes

  • Kate’s paying for everything, obviously. And to avoid paparazzi, she and everyone else go in under disguise
  • Harper gravitates to Hot Topic like a moth to a light
  • The Apple and Windows stores are across from each other, so Babs spends an hour going back and forth trying to decide on a new laptop
  • Carrie counts buying an armful of candy necklaces from a food stand as jewelry shopping. Steph agrees
  • Cass brought a grocery store shopping cart… to the mall
  • Steph, Babs, and Cass get matching dresses at Nordstrom
  • And they Facetime Selina for accessorizing advice
  • Meanwhile, Carrie buys a Gucci cowboy belt to go with her boots
  • Kate can’t decide on which sunglasses to buy at the kiosk so she gets them all, and once she finally picks one she gives the rest to other customers for free
  • Babs gets a fake mustache and everyone agrees she’s a better Jim Gordon than Jim Gordon
  • Steph gets one of everything at the food court
  • They take a short after-lunch nap at Barnes and Noble
  • Except Carrie doesn’t sleep during the daytime
  • So while the rest slept, she downed $65 worth of espresso at Starbucks and makes it everyone else’s problem
  • They come home with a hundred shopping bags, Batburgers, and a thirteen-year-old who is banned from caffeine for the rest of her childhood
  • Only after putting everything away did they realize they forgot something
  • It’s Harper
  • She’s still at Hot Topic
319 notes