Damian: Alright, Drake, I must know. Since Father not Grayson will tell me, or allow me to sample for myself, what, pray tell me, does coffee taste like?
Tim: *is sleep deprived
Tim: Not as good as it smells.
Damian: Ah, I see. Like shampoo.
Bruce: …
Dick: uh…
Jason: WTF kid?
Tim:
Tim: I’m sorry, eXCUSE ME??!!?
Bruce, with attitude: You’re a hot mess.
Dick, with even more attitude: Well at least I’m a fun hot mess. Like a train wreck of cereal, fireworks, and glitter.
Jason, giving advice to Damian: Don’t get crabby, just get stabby.
Damian, nodding along: Yes, very smart.
Jason, sprawled in the floor: I feel a spree coming on.
Jason: It’s either shopping or killing. I haven’t decided yet.
clark: maybe… you should stop adopting kids to be your sidekick?
bruce: why would I do that?
clark: because… they’re…kids
bruce:
bruce: well, I love them. so there.
Dick, visibly excited: I love sleepovers!
His Doctor: This isn’t a sleepover, you’re in the hospital.
Dick: Then why am I wearing a nightgown?
Doctor: That’s a hospital gown.
Dick: Truth or Dare.
Doctor:
Dick: This is the part where you choose one.
Bruce, very angry: You just killed 5 men. What do you have to say for yourself?
Jason, shrugging: Oops?
Damian: Drake!
Tim, sighing: What do you want now?!
Damian: I need you to take me to the art gallery for my school project
Tim: You…? What?
Damian: Are you going deaf, Drake? I said-
Tim: Hm, let me think- No.
Damian, squinting: Why
Tim: Because you stabbed me!!!
Damian: Tt. So sensitive. That was in the past, get over it already
Tim: YOU LITERALLY STABBED ME 5 MINUTES AGO
Tim, furiously pointing at his leg: IM STILL BLEEDING UNDER THAT GAUGE
Damian: …
Damian: I don’t see how that is supposed to make any difference
Tim, internally slapping his face: I’m not taking you! Besides, why did you come to me for a lift. Go find someone else to pester.
Damian: Don’t flatter yourself, Drake. You just happen to be the only slouch in this family this time of the day
Jason, sitting on the couch, shoving popcorn into his mouth: Yeah replacement, go be useful for once
Tim: Wha- Are you kidding me you’re not even- Ok, you know what? I won’t fall for this
Damian: *glares Tim down*
Tim, throwing his hands up in resignation: I don’t care what you do, just keep me out of it. I’m not going to back down.
Damian: …Fine. But if they pull me over for underage driving I have plenty ways to put the blame on you
Tim: …
Damian: *glare intensifies* Good luck surviving Pennyworth
Tim: …
Damian: …
Damian: *stabs Tim*
Tim: YOU LITTLE-
Damian: my FISH!
Bruce: Forget about your fish, we need to get out of here now.
Damian:
Damian: BUT MY FISH!
Tim, on his 73rd hour of being awake: We’re all going to die today.
Jason: Well if that isn’t the kind of optimism that’ll wake a man up in the morning, I don’t know what will.
Jason: So, is it still murder if I give them a heads up ?
Dick:
Dick: That’s called a threat
Jason, disappointed: Damn it
Stabbing Expert
Dick: To kill a vampire you have to stab them in the heart with a wooden stake.
Damian: I would have to say that, that would kill just about anyone.
Tim: [who has been stabbed multiple times by Damian] I would not doubt the boy on the following subject.
Damian: Hello my beautiful brother just wondering did you eat my hummus as it seems to have disappeared and I was so looking forward to it
Dick: Maybe
Damian: Fucker
[The bat-fam are in the Gotham Maternity ward waiting for news on Holi’s delivery, while waiting they’re all forced to endure a little girl telling them where she thinks babies come from.]
Little Girl:
…and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven,and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Damian:
My sister and Todd are having a baby too….They had sex.
Oliver: How old are you?
Damian: Old enough.
Oliver: Old enough for what?
Damian: *Slides a pair of Gucci sunglasses* To party.
Bruce: ….it’s one in the morning, why are you still awake?
Tim, 20 cups of coffee in, crazed look in his eyes: I’m going to steal the Declaration of Independence. I saw it in a movie once, and now I’m thinking.. it can’t be that hard..