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#incorrect batfamily quotes

Duke, curled up in his chest: How can tall people sleep at night when the blanket can’t possibly cover you?

Jason: Duke, light of my life, it’s four o’clock in the morning.

Duke: So, you can’t sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

Jason:

Duke:

Jason: My toes are freezing-

Duke: I knew it!

11 notes

Damian: Drake, do you know what a Neanderthal is?


Tim: Yeah, I’ve been called one before.


Bruce: By who?


Tim:


Bruce: Damian?


Damian: Yes, it was me father.

17 notes

Batman: I have a plan to save the world and I need you all to do what I say when I say it, in order to succeed

The Justice League: Ok

Every World Leader: Ok

Literally anyone else: Ok

Robin:

Robin: No offence B but I’m not gonna do that

120 notes
Dick
Jason is reading Shakespeare AGAIN. You'd think he'd get tired of it at some point.
Barbara
It makes sense that Jason would like Renaissance literature, though, doesn't it?
Dick
Why?
Barbara
Renaissance. Rebirth. In a way, Jason's life post-Robin is his Renaissance. A new identity, derived from a distant past. Y'know?
Dick
[leaning back in his chair] Huh.
Steph
[thoughtful] So if Red Hood is Jason's renaissance, then what does that make Damian's post-death existence?
Tim
[playing games on his phone] Damian 2: Electric Boogaloo.
422 notes

Dick: You know, it’s almost like we’re a real fam—

Damian: Desist speaking.

Jason: If you say the f word, I will shoot you.

Tim: Yeah, you’ll just jinx us.

Dick:

Dick: You know, it’s like we’re a real fucking mess aren’t we?

Jason: Better.

401 notes
Conversation
Jason
Please don't tell Bruce.
Dick
Oh, I'm not going to say a word.
Jason
You're doing to make me tell him, aren't you?
Dick
Loud and clear. And every nitty gritty detail.
586 notes

Dick : What is the most inspiring thing I’ve ever said to you?

Jason : “Don’t be an idiot” changed my life

70 notes
<div> Wayne Tower </div>
Tim
You spent 15 million dollars in three days.
Tim
There are hundreds of pictures of you in various states of undress, many of which are of you passed out in a pool.
Tim
At least three gossip rags are running exclusive interviews with maids, servers, and- a tennis coach, really? You don't even play tennis! -that you've allegedly slept with.
Tim
You punched Lex Luthor in the face and then downed three bottles of champagne.
Tim
Here's a video of you dancing on a table.
Tim
[waves imploringly] ...!
Bruce
[straight-faced] That's business
Tim
IT'S REALLY NOT
431 notes

Roy: When I’ll go to jail, I’ll change my name in Mitochondria, because…

Tim: Because it’s the power house of the cell, we get it

Jason: That’s genius

Dick:

Dick: So no one is going to bring up that he said “when” and not “if” he goes to jail?

70 notes

Dick enters the room wearing a crop top and ripped jeans.

Dick (giving a spin): So what do you think? I love it I’m not sure it’s slutty enough.

Bruce: Dick please leave.

Dick: Is it because I’m absolutely killing it in this outfit and you disapprove of murder?

Bruce: No it’s because Selina’s coming ov-

Selina enters the room wearing shades and drinking out of a flask.

Selina *looking dick over*: Could be sluttier.

Dick: I KNEW IT!

30 notes
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I wonder what Jason’s reaction will be when he finds out Willis is Wingman. I’m kinda excited to find out. Also what’s with dc bringing back dead dads?

56 notes
Conversation
Alfred
Nice things to whisper when hugging someone?
Dick
You smell different when you're awake.
Duke
Please help me.
Tim
Soon.
Jason
You have lovely skin, I can't wait to wear it.
Stephanie
Your hair tastes like strawberries.
Cullen
Tonight... you.
Bruce
He knows. Don't go home.
Barbara
I always knew you would die in my arms.
Kate
No one will ever believe you.
Cassandra
Yessssssssssss.
Harper
I killed Mufasa.
Carrie
I bet you didn't feel me lick your ear.
Damian
Mother told me it would be like this.
Alfred
Oh Christ.
719 notes

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

*(1) Missed call from Alfred Pennyworth

Later in the bat groupchat:

Jason: Was the call from Alfred supposed to be ignored?

Dick: No. Bruce was supposed to answer it.

Bruce: I didn’t realize Alfred had called.

Bruce: I will call him back.

Damian: When you do, ask him about hearing aid recommendations.

68 notes