Dick: Are you crying?
Jason, sobbing: This book is so fucking sad.
Dick: Jay, this is a cook book.
Jason, sobbing harder: I know, the recipes fucking suck.
Batman: yesterday Robin jumped off a second floor balcony, skinned his knees and got up like it was nothing but this afternoon he got a papercut and I had to hold him for 20 minutes because it's was 'the worst pain in the world'.
Robin: IT WAS!
Bruce Wayne about Dick Grayson:
Tim: Hard boiled eggs are disgusting. I almost died eating one. The crunchy-soft mix is absolutely gross, it's like eating a ravioli covered in chips
Duke: You're supposed to remove the shell.
Tim: How much of what you’re saying do you believe right now?
Dick: About sixty percent.
Tim: I thought it was in the mid-eighties. How’d you pull it off so well?
*Jason is on a walk and a guy pulls up in a shady car*
Bad guy: Get in.
Bad guy: If you care about your brother, you’ll get in this car.
Jason: Which brother?
Bad guy: Damian.
Damian: I've caught this stupid disease because of Grayson.
Jason: For the last time, feelings are not an illness.
Dick Grayson probably: We don’t do guns here. The only weapons we use are wea-puns!✨
*gets shot by Jason*
Jason: *about to throw Tim across a roof top* “In the name of the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit 💥YEET💥”
Dick: *scrambling to catch Tim* “HOOD THATS NOT HOW WE TREAT LITTLE BROTHERS”
Steph: do you want me to throw the confetti in my pocket?
Tim: Not in the car!
Tim: Why do you have confetti in your pocket?
Steph: It's my emergency confetti, I carry it everywhere in case there is good news.
Based on this tweet
Batfamily Incorrect Quotes 1
*Jason holding a sign that says Robin Patrol unfair*
Jason: "This is a picket sign: Robin Patrol Unfair. Short, sweet and to the point."
Dick: "How about this Jason?" *Holding a sign saying Robin Patrol Funfair *
Jason: "DICK! IT'S UNFAIR NOT FUNFAIR"
Tim: "A funfair? Where? I could go for some fun!"
Dick: In the Batcave!
Tim: "Hey everybody, let's go to the funfair!"
*Tim, Steph, Cass and Duke run past Jason*
Damian: You've got to be aggressive to get the things you want! You're too soft!
Dick: But I'm a-
Damian: Don't say it! *sees Harley Quinn with Dick's ice cream cone* There's the villain that took your ice cream... don't you want it back?
Dick: Ice cream!
*Dick and Damian chase after Harley*
Damian: "Listen you! My friend's got something to say!"
Harley: * turns to Dick* "Wah! Who said that? Was it you?"
Damian: "Tell her off Nightwing - assert yourself!"
Dick: "That's my ice cream cone!"
Damian: "Great! NOW LET HER HAVE IT!"
Dick: "You can have it!"
Harley: "Say, thanks!"
*Tim is feeling self-conscious, and he tells Dick who attempts to cheer him up*
Dick: "Maybe a story will cheer you up! It's called the Ugly Barnacle. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end!"
Tim: "That didn't help at all...” *starts crying*
A/N: Everybody say thankyou @the-house-of-auditore-frye for the quotes💙 no but seriously, thank you for the quotes my fave bitch, love you💚
Dick: How is everyone doing?
Jason: Well I’m breathing
Dick: Setting the bar pretty low huh?
Jason: Well it’s better than Tim anyways
Tim: [having a panic attack] honestly fuck you
Batman: [arms crossed] explain yourself
Robin (Dick Grayson): first off, that switch had a faulty label and there was no way for me to know that flipping it would-
Robin (Jason Todd): -make the vat of hollandaise sauce explode, I mean who even puts a-
Robin (Tim Drake): -mutant jellyfish in a shopping mall?! I had to do something. So maybe I stole a truck to transport the baking soda but-
Robin (Stephanie Brown): -what did you want me to do? Sit back and watch you get your legs chewed off by an alien life form? And before you say anything I know that it was just Mrs Sands’ Schnauzer but at the time I really thought-
Robin (Damian Wayne): -that the waitress was sent to poison you. My actions were justified.
Signal: how come Cass never took up the Robin mantle?
Batman: [without hesitation] she’s not annoying enough to be Robin
Dick: I told Jason his ears flush when he lies.
Dick: Hey Jason, do you love us?
Jason, covering his ears: No!
Reporter: Mr Nightwing you've been seen working with Red Hood, some would say he's a bad guy, what do you think the worst thing he's done is?
Nightwing: getting taller than me
Nightwing: yeah he was like 4ft 10 but then he come back AND HE'S SIX FEET TALL. I'll never forgive him for that.
How rumors spread through the Batfamily...
Tim, to Stephanie, during patrol: I saw Jason smoking last night on patrol? I thought he quit?
Stephanie, to Barbara, after patrol: Tim said Jason was having a rough night. Must have had another run in with Black Masks gunring.
Barbara, to Dick, on call: Steph said Jason was having trouble with a shootout last night? Crazy.
Dick, to Damian, in the cave: Jason was involved in a shooting last night. I hope everything's okay.
Damian, to Bruce, at breakfast: Todd has been shot.
Batman: *has a full-body cape*
Robin's: It's free real-estate
bruce: that’s it! i’m declaring 15 minutes of silence. everyone just sit down and think about what you’ve done.
bruce: what is that horrible dripping noise?
damian: todd was stabbed
bruce: WHAT? why wouldn’t you tell me that?
jason: 15 minutes weren’t over
Dick: When I was your age—
Jason, mocking him: When I was your height—
Dick: Listen here, you little shit-