Jason: Fair point, but yes, I am talking about the bodies in the Cave
Dick: Why do you need bodies?
Jason: To be fair, I only need body parts
Dick: Why do you need body parts?
Dick: WHY DO YOU NEED BODY PARTS JASON?
Duke: What, do you just assume everyone here has self-esteem issues?
*at the same time*
Dick: No? I mean no!
Dick: I thought we were
Jason: Wannabe tall person
Tim: I'll steal your kneecaps on my way to hell
Dick: BABY SHARK
Steph: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
Tim: BABY SHARK
Jason: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
Cass: BABY SHARK
Duke: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
Damian: I will not
Bruce: This is why you're my favourite
Dick: Sure, Jaskn! No problem!
Jason: Ô the betrayal! Ô the pain caused by a brother who does not know my name. Ô the infamy! How could you, brother? I thought you loved me, but how could I still believe that after what you've done, brother? I lay here to die, alone in this world, abandoned, if ever approached, by my peers.
Dick: It was a typo! Im sorry!
Jason: *i do not see it*
*blank during a conversation*
Dick: what the- every time!
Steph: At least we're talking again
*asked about how he did something*
Tim: I have depression
Jason: Me too
Tim: Well, then, I don't know
Bruce: Should I be concerned? Nevermind it's too late for that
Tim: My cucumber is dry :(
Bruce: I'm sorry what?
Steph: Good bye Tim.
Dick: What the fuck
Jason: Oh no, Tim. I understand your pain.
Dick: What the fuck. Explain.
Tim: I had to leave it for a mission, so i put it in the fridge. But it's dry now :(
Tim: How do you feel about beating up children?
Steph: Obviously it's hilarious. Watching them snivelling and begging you to stop it's exhilarating, and when they start crying it's always so funny, how could you resist?
Steph: I'm joking
Steph: Don't tell anyone I said that
Tim: Too late
Tim: It's been recorded and sent to the family groupchat
Babs: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture.
Assorted Batfam: Awwww-
Babs: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything."
Assorted Batfam: Oh.
My general Batfam rules I follow when it comes to my AO3 (unless I specify otherwise I’m the story)
So since I’m getting back into writing fanfics more regularly, I thought I’d go ahead and post my general batfam headcanons so y’all know where my head is when you read. You guys can feel free to disagree because I know it doesn’t really follow canon but really who follows canon anymore?
Ages: Dick is 26, Jason is 22, Tim is 17, and Damian is 11
Alfred is alive and just as sassy as ever
Tim and Steph may or may not be dating, it really depends. Tim is 100% bi though
Dick lives in Bludhaven and is a police detective
Dick and Barbara are together
Barbara is in her wheelchair
Tim is CEO of WE but Bruce is still heavily involved
Tim usually lives at the manor
Tim is Red Robin, Damian is Robin, Steph is Spoiler, Cass is Orphan, Babs is Oracle
Dick is half-Romani
Damian is from Pakistan
Jason is a part of the family, but it’s still rocky between him and Bruce