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#incorrect batfamily quotes

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Damian: Alright, Drake, I must know. Since Father not Grayson will tell me, or allow me to sample for myself, what, pray tell me, does coffee taste like?

Tim: *is sleep deprived

Tim: Not as good as it smells.

Damian: Ah, I see. Like shampoo.


Dick: uh…

Jason: WTF kid?


Tim: I’m sorry, eXCUSE ME??!!?

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Damian: Drake!

Tim, sighing: What do you want now?!

Damian: I need you to take me to the art gallery for my school project

Tim: You…? What?

Damian: Are you going deaf, Drake? I said-

Tim: Hm, let me think- No.

Damian, squinting: Why

Tim: Because you stabbed me!!!

Damian: Tt. So sensitive. That was in the past, get over it already


Tim, furiously pointing at his leg: IM STILL BLEEDING UNDER THAT GAUGE


Damian: I don’t see how that is supposed to make any difference

Tim, internally slapping his face: I’m not taking you! Besides, why did you come to me for a lift. Go find someone else to pester.

Damian: Don’t flatter yourself, Drake. You just happen to be the only slouch in this family this time of the day

Jason, sitting on the couch, shoving popcorn into his mouth: Yeah replacement, go be useful for once

Tim: Wha- Are you kidding me you’re not even- Ok, you know what? I won’t fall for this

Damian: *glares Tim down*

Tim, throwing his hands up in resignation: I don’t care what you do, just keep me out of it. I’m not going to back down.

Damian: …Fine. But if they pull me over for underage driving I have plenty ways to put the blame on you


Damian: *glare intensifies* Good luck surviving Pennyworth



Damian: *stabs Tim*


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Stabbing Expert

Dick: To kill a vampire you have to stab them in the heart with a wooden stake.

Damian: I would have to say that, that would kill just about anyone.

Tim: [who has been stabbed multiple times by Damian] I would not doubt the boy on the following subject.

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Dick+Dami texting

Damian: Hello my beautiful brother just wondering did you eat my hummus as it seems to have disappeared and I was so looking forward to it

Dick: Maybe

Damian: Fucker

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[The bat-fam are in the Gotham Maternity ward waiting for news on Holi’s delivery, while waiting they’re all forced to endure a little girl telling them where she thinks babies come from.] 

Little Girl:
…and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven,and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!

My sister and Todd  are having a baby too….They had sex.

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[First time meeting with Damian]

Oliver: How old are you?

Damian: Old enough.

Oliver: Old enough for what?

Damian: *Slides a pair of Gucci sunglasses* To party.

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Stephanie, about Tim: Listen, our only hope right now is this kind, selfless, amazing nerd.
Tim: Do you have to call me a nerd so much?
Stephanie: I said a lot of other really nice things, okay? Toughen up, nerd.
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