istg these kids...
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i love the idea of the batfam just making shit up about Batman and other heroes just believing it because its fucking Batman. like what are you going to do? prove them wrong?
like one time Nighwing makes a goth reference saying something like "Batman did not lose his virginity on his parents grave for this" and like Raven gets the reference because goths unite and all that but the rest of the Titans genuinly believe Batman lost his virginity on his parents grave FOR YEARS
or Tim just goes "Bats did not have sex with Dracula for me to be such a pussy" right before doing the dumbest thing mankind has ever seen. And Kon and Bart are just standing there like ??? batman did what??
Steph tells Hal Bats is actually half vampire and that is why he denies being one, it being a rather sensitive subject for him and all, he said he didnt believe her but he never brought it up again
Damian: Father did not snipe JFK for this
Jon, just trying to have a good day:
Jason tells Roy the same things as Dick to keep the bullshit going but he keeps adding even wilder stuff so its like "yeah bats actually stitched me up after i came back" or "bats was supposed to be in an arranged marriage in 1820 but it turned out that the woman was a serial killer so that didnt work out" and at this point Roy knows to take it with a grain of salt but,,, he's never sure and it pisses him off
Cass: Batman killed prince phillip
Kon, who was simply chilling: aight
Barbara: lmao remember when Bats got send back in time and burned down the library in Alexandria?
Duke: lmao yea
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Tell me I'm wrong, I dare you
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*batfam is on vacation in australia*
tim: -and once a year a bunch of spiders rain down from the sky! the sky bruce! they say it looks like snow!
bruce: *sighs* tim you have been freaking out since we got of the plane you need to calm down.
tim: it’s terrifying bruce! even the small and cute animals are vicious killers!
bruce: tim i’m sure you are overreacting-
*screaming is heard from behind them as magpies swarm jason and dick*
jason: *desperately shielding his face* I TOLD YOU NOT TO PISS OFF THE BIRDS DICK!
dick: I WAS TRYING TO CONNECT WITH THEM!! YOU KNOW BIRD TO BIRD?!?
jason: YOU ARENT ACTUALLY A BIRD DIPSHIT!
tim: see bruce even the birds are evil!
bruce: tim you are being- wait where’s damian?
damian: *walking over with a kangaroo on a leash* father this is bat kangaroo-
bruce: no more pets damian!
damian: but father you haven’t heard the best part.
*a joey pops out of bat kangaroos pouch*
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Commission by the talented @szotyola-sempu
The Robins and their partner Pokemon in a Pokemon AU I created.
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This just in: Alfred feeds the bats.
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TITANS (2018- ) | 3x13: Purple Rain
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Tim: Superboy. Put me in the ground.
Kon: Not until you take back what you said.
Tim:... Your jacket is tacky
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Batboys: House pets ver.
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Batman: Wayne Family Adventures #9 - "Crush II" (2021)
written by CRC Payne
art by Starbite, Maria Li, & Lan Ma
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Batfam Workout Outfits
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Batman #99 (2020)
pencil & ink by Jorge Jiménez
color by Tomeu Morey
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Damian, whose first language isn’t English: Hello! I’m sorry if my English isn’t very good.
Tim, Stephanie, and Duke, whose first language is English: Hte fuckign.
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[ Someone dressing up as a clown at the Justice League Halloween party. ]
Batfamily: Demon! DEMON!!
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Robin Musings, as per Krypto
Ph.D. (tummy rubs), M.A. (The Art of The Good Boi)
Oh boy Clark finally made me a grandpup!
How well my grandpup fights!
And how well he flies!
The chickens are trying to adopt him
Quick, bark at the chickens
Let me lick your woes away
Oh I know all about sibling rivalry
See how the horses prance around and look all majestic
But I know that Clark loves both of us equally
Ah I have imparted wisdom
The pup is skinny!!
Feed the pup-!
I can't lactate :/
Quick, let's go to Bessie
Woman has like, six calves, she can spare some milk
Brush me as you would brush your glorious hair
Now for the finale
We shall shed on Bruce's favorite chair :)
Robin III again
Skinny pup is dating Kon-pup!
Glorious, I will have great-grandpups now
That is, if Bruce doesn't keep yelling
Ruins the mood :/
How will my dynasty continue at this rate
Quick! Snuffle the anger away!
Oops I squished him
It's ok :)
The pup is kidnapping me!
Someone save me- oh wait
Tell Clark I said bye :)
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Preparing for Halloween
Alfred: I’m putting up decorations in the front to charm our young trick-or-tears. Does anyone have any ideas regarding decorations?
Jason: Can I-
Alfred: Master Jason, you will NOT be hiding in a grave and popping out to scare children
Jason: Not even my own?
Alfred: Not even your own
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Batman works alone
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Jason when he notices Tim’s mental health is dipping a little too low:
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The Waynes Carve Pumpkins Pt 2.
Dick, putting newspaper and pumpkins on the table: Okay, now that we’ve learned the dangers of paint brushes we can move on to actually carving pumpkins!
Dick starts laying out carving knives.
Bruce: This is a bad idea.
Dick glaring at Bruce: We are all trained vigilante’s B, it’ll be fine. Now let’s get started!
Everyone sits down in front of a pumpkin, they stare at their pumpkins.
Dick: So, uh, let’s start carving?
Damian: How do we begin?
Jason, rolling his eyes: It’s easy, we just… uh, um, we… What do we do Dickface?
Dick: Um, I, I don’t know? Tim?
Tim, looking shocked: Why are you asking me?! Ask Steph she had parents!
Steph: My mom was always busy at the hospital and my dad was a villain, we didn’t really carve pumpkins? And Tim, you had parents! You should know!
Tim: My parents were horribly neglectful, we didn’t carve pumpkins. Dick? You had loving parents.
Dick: We traveled a lot and didn’t really have a great place to keep a carved pumpkin. Actually, we, uh, we painted ours…
Bruce: I thought you said painting was pumpkins was lame?!
Dick: It’s lame that you don’t trust you children with knives. Now shush, and teach us how to carve pumpkins.
Bruce: I didn’t carve pumpkins as a child.
Dick: …of course you didn’t. Does anyone know how to carve a pumpkin?
Jason: Abusive dad, addict mom, then homeless.
Damian: I was raised by assassins.
Cass, signing: *no childhood, also raised by assassins*
Tim: What about Babs, or Duke? They both had good childhoods. Well Babs had a good childhood and Duke had a decent childhood, until the whole parents driven insane thing.
Dick: Good idea Tim! Babs?
Babs: I am not teaching you guys to carve pumpkins. Also I don’t like touching the inside part. It’s slimy.
Dick, shrugs: Fine, Duke? Wait, where’s Duke?
Bruce: Spending the day with his uncle. We shouldn’t interrupt their bonding for something as menial as pumpkin carving, we…
Bruce looks at his disappointed kids, and sighs.
Bruce: I’ll text him.
<- Part 1 |
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