#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[satansapostle6]

Kids | Rodrick Heffley

Spotify Playlist Link

Rodrick Heffley becomes obsessed when he finally meets his thirty-five year old band mate, Bill Walter’s, younger sister.

Warnings: Mature themes/language. Drug use. Sexual content. Violence.

“Heartbeat”

“The Angel From My Nightmare”

There was a war going on in Rodrick Heffley’s head. An even bigger one than usual. He nearly drank maple syrup at breakfast that Friday morning.

“Are you okay, Rodrick?” Greg asked him. “You seem even more stupid than usual. Which is saying something.”

“Shut up, you little butt muncher!” he snapped, throwing a grape at his younger brother.

“Rodrick, sweetie, be nice,” Susan Heffley frowned as she sat down for breakfast with the boys, feeding Manny. “But Greg’s right, you seem irritable. Is there something on your mind?”

“No, Mom,” he huffed impatiently.

“Is it that girl you were seeing? Bill’s sister?” his mother assumed.

“No, Mom! It’s nothing,” Rodrick insisted.

The truth was, he hadn’t spoken to, or even looked in the same direction of, Sara for weeks.

“She didn’t try to go too fast with you, did she?” Susan asked in a panic she had created herself.

“Mom!” Rodrick exclaimed, appalled.

“Susan…”

Frank wasn’t of much help. And neither was Greg, who just laughed.

“You know, I knew girls like her in high school. Developed too early, started making mistakes with boys…” the woman trailed off, adjusting her glasses as she shuddered at the thought.

“Ugh, why is everyone being so weird?!” Rodrick groaned, earning looks from everyone at the table.

He got up, completely abandoning the food despite his hunger.

“I’m out of here!” he announced dramatically as his father just widened his eyes, returning to that morning’s paper.

Rodrick angrily grabbed his backpack, which was practically empty, running out to the van as he sped off to school, so distracted he nearly hit a parked car on the way out of their neighborhood.

“Fuck!” Rodrick yelled within the safety of his van as he arrived at the high school. “I’m starving,” he realized.

Meanwhile, Sara wasn’t having a great start to her day, either.

“Sara Walter.”

Sara reluctantly stood up in her home room class, walking up to her ancient history teacher’s desk as she waited for him to hand her her test back.

“Hmm. Sara Walter… You wouldn’t happen to be related to a student I had a while back, would you?” Mr. Emerson thought aloud. “Bill Walter?”

“Yes. I am,” she crossed her arms, not in the mood for conversation, let alone polite conversation.

“Huh. I can certainly see the resemblance,” the man chuckled at his own joke, gesturing to her dark makeup and shaggy blonde hair through laughter. “Bill Walter. Wow. What a throwback… Did he ever mention me?”

“Yes,” she responded.

“Oh really? What did he have to say?” the man asked her with a burning curiosity.

“That you’re a Confederate sympathizer, and you smell like an onion farted,” Sara recalled perfectly. “May I have my text back, please?”

She watched as his face fell.

“Yes, I suppose, here it is,” Mr. Emerson said in embarrassment.

She grabbed the test, slumping back down in her seat as she sighed at the C-. Not her finest work, but certainly not her worst, either.

“Girl, are you okay?” Lauren Do asked quietly. “You seem like you hate this class more than usual.”

“I’m fine,” she sighed. “I finally have a Friday off, but my mom wants me to take Connor to a birthday party, at the roller rink.”

“Oh. I’ll come with you,” the girl volunteered. “We can stand off to the side and people-watch.”

“Thanks,” Sara nodded appreciatively, “That sounds like about all I can handle. Not like I have too many plans as of late, anyway.”

“Whatever happened to you and Rodrick?” Lauren asked her. “You two looked so hot together.”

“Rodrick’s… nothing,” Sara concluded coldly.

“Ew, what a dumbass,” her best friend said in disgust.

“Tell him, not me.”

Later that day, at lunch, Sara and Lauren sat out in the courtyard together, as Sara decided to spend her time drawing her friend as a pinup. It was entertaining, and it took her mind off the gaping void.

Sara sat on the cement with her knees up to her chest, drawing frustratedly as she occasionally looked around her at the world, hating it every time. She eventually looked up, facing the exit out of the school, as three all-too-familiar guys came walking out. She looked down quickly, returning to her drawing as she spotted Rodrick. Luckily, they hadn’t made eye contact.

But, unfortunately, it seemed Lauren and Sara were so far off to the side, they hadn’t noticed either of them as they walked past, having a loud conversation amongst themselves.

“You should ask Vicky to the prom,” Ben laughed as he teased Chris.

“No way. I’m not tying myself down to anyone. Especially not Vicky,” Chris Merkle scoffed.

Ben nodded approvingly. “Girlfriends are overrated as fuck, dude. Why have one girl sometimes, when you can have all the girls, all the time?”

“Hell yeah, man,” Rodrick ad-libbed emptily.

Chris just shook his head at him, amused by his stupidity. Sara did the same thing, but for another reason. She felt she couldn’t have expected anything else; why would Rodrick Heffley, of all people, have the balls to be the contrarian in a group of teenage boys convinced that monogamy was the stupidest human invention?

*****

Later that day, Rodrick and the other boys picked up their band mate to hang out at the dirty part of the park, smoking different things together where no one else liked to go.

“Yo, Rod,” Bill said, coughing on the joint he was sharing with Chris.

Rodrick turned to look at him, enjoying a cigarette by himself.

“Wanna go to the store?” he asked. “I want some chips.”

“Yeah,” Rodrick nodded, as both of them stood.

“Get me an Arizona!” Ben called.

“Me too!” Chris said as he took the joint. “And barbecue chips!”

Rodrick and Bill walked off towards the grocery store down the street.

“Want some?” Rodrick asked, offering him the cigarette.

“Yeah. Thanks,” Bill nodded, taking a quick drag before handing it back. “Yo. What’s going on with you and my sister?” he asked suddenly.

Rodrick winced at the topic, looking at him awkwardly. “Nothing.”

“Nah, not nothing,” Bill insisted, wheezing through his cotton mouth, “You and Sara haven’t talked in like forever. Both of you avoid each other when she takes me home from practice, and you change the topic when I bring her up.”

He just stared at his older band mate, not used to hearing him think so coherently.

“Dude, I’m not an idiot,” Bill said as Rodrick tried not to laugh at the irony. “I notice things.”

But he still didn’t say anything. He couldn’t think of anything.

“Look, not to be that guy,” he said readily, “But I thought you and my sister were crazy about each other. The chemistry was, like, unreal. Did the date go bad? Did one of you do something?”

“No, no,” Rodrick said automatically, feeling bad, “Nothing like that…”

“Then, what happened?” Bill questioned. “Why won’t you talk to Sara? I thought you liked her.”

“I do,” Rodrick promised, seeing the way this genuinely bothered Bill, “I do like her.”

“Then why the cold shoulder?” Bill asked. “Is it you, is it her, is it both of you…? I can’t even tell.”

“It—It’s me,” Rodrick Heffley sighed.

“Why?” Bill asked him.

“I don’t know, I just… Me? A girlfriend?” Rodrick thought, “It just doesn’t sound right.”

“Why not, man? You’re a catch!” his friend encouraged him.

“No, it’s not that…”

“Then what is it?” Bill asked.

He sighed, trying to explain. “I don’t know, man. It’s just… What if it doesn’t work out? What if I’m just better off being single, playing the field?” he wondered.

“Oh, because you got so many better options?” Bill pointed out.

Rodrick just frowned, not finding the response helpful.

“Okay, sorry, but you kinda deserved that one, man! You’re an idiot if you think a girl like Sara’s not something you should take the chance on!” he cried. “I mean, I know I’m her brother and all, but she’s a good person! You don’t meet girls like her all the time.”

“But weren’t you the one who told me being in a band gets you girls whether you’re on or offstage?” Rodrick questioned, not understanding his logic.

Bill just sighed guiltily, realizing his mistake.

“Alright. Yes. I did say that… But there’s more to life than sex, and fame. As awesome as they feel, at least when you’re young.”

“Yeah! They do feel awesome,” Rodrick scoffed, “They feel… really good! And I don’t know if I’m old enough to give them up, you know?!”

“You know you still get sex when you have a girlfriend, right?” Bill asked. “I mean. If you’re doing it right.”

“That’s not what I mean!” Rodrick exclaimed. “I just mean… I don’t know if I should’ve told her I want a relationship! What i’d I don’t wanna give up random sex just yet, you know? Like, I’m Rodrick! I’m young, and I’m crazy, and I’m in my prime!”

“You’re in high school, and let’s face it, you’re kind of a fucking loser,” Bill snapped.

Rodrick just gave him a wounded look, frustrated with the way the conversation was going.

“Okay, that was mean, I’m sorry. I apologize,” Bill conceded.

He tried to find a middle ground, but nothing seemed to be working so far.

“Alright, look, here’s the deal, man. You know I’ve been with Becky a while, and you know things weren’t always so good,” he reminded him. “Things were real rocky in the beginning.”

“What happened?” the younger guy asked.

“Me happened. When Becky and I first started going out, I was kinda like you. I wasn’t convinced I should give up ‘playing the field’,” Bill admitted. “I was back and forth, hot and cold… And I played around. I’m not proud of it, but that’s what happened. It really fucked things up. I didn’t think she’d still wanna be with me.”

Rodrick nodded sympathetically, taking in everything his band mate had to say.

“So, why’d you stay together?” he wondered.

“Well… When she found out, I realized I fucked up. I felt like shit. I knew I fucked over a good girl, and I wished so bad I could go back, and fix it. But I couldn’t,” he confessed, seeming distraught still. “I broke her heart, and it killed me inside.”

“I, uh…” Rodrick thought for a moment, finding the affinity he shared for him profound. “I think I know what you mean.”

“Look, I don’t wanna be a Debbie Downer,” Bill said awkwardly, “But… I know you’re young, and you’re cool, and you think taking a chance on somebody is a huge risk… But sometimes, so is passing up the chance,” he concluded.

“So you’re saying… I should take the chance with Sara?” Rodrick asked.

“No, man! Are you even listening?!” Bill sighed, as he just stood there looking lost. “No. I’m saying… you should think about Sara, and how you really feel about her. And, if it’s good enough for you to take the chance, then you should take the chance,” he finished.

“Oh. That’s even better,” Rodrick remarked. “Fuck. You’re a genius.”

“I have my moments,” Bill shrugged.

“Fuck, I gotta win her back!” Rodrick realized, starting to panic. “What should I do?!”

“What are you good at?” Bill asked him.

“Uh, we’re in a band?!” he cried.

“Oh. Right. There you go,” Bill nodded quickly.

“What’s a good way to apologize?” Rodrick thought out loud. “Where’s Sara gonna be tonight? Does she have work?”

“No, she’s taking our brother to the roller rink.”

“The roller rink! Perfect!” Rodrick snapped, pointing a finger at his band mate. “I got it!”

Once they returned with snacks, Rodrick determined it was a good time to pitch his idea to the others. They were more than excited, so the plan was set in stone. The boys took the next few hours before Sara would be arriving at the roller rink to prepare.

When they finished practicing one of their covers and loaded everything into the van, all Rodrick could think about on the drive was Sara, and the way he’d stupidly ignored her for the past week.

“What the fuck was I thinking?!” Rodrick yelled as he frantically ran a red light. “I’ll never get another girl like Sara! I can barely get a girl like Sara now!”

“I don’t know, man,” Chris murmured nervously, “But can you watch the road?! Like, at least a little?!”

Rodrick slowly breathed in as he raced them to the roller rink, praying the public display would be enough.

-

10 Things I Hate About You

#rodrick heffley #rodrick rules #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #doawk rodrick #rodrick x reader #rodrick x y/n #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley x y/n #devon bostick #doawk #diary of a wimpy kid

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - August 27th

Hey all! I’m feeling under the weather this week so even though you’re owed a long list this week--it’s not. I’m sorry. I’ll do better soon. 

~*~ 

Memory Lane by itsallAvengers

Suddenly, he's soaking - someone just threw a fucking water bomb or something, and it's not a big deal, it shouldn't be a big deal-

But for some reason, it is.

Toasted Buns by copperbadge, scifigrl47

After seeing Tony naked and tanned -- all over -- in a decontamination shower, Steve realizes he may be in trouble. Tony, meanwhile, is definitely in trouble over those tabloid pictures of him sunbathing nude. The solution is clearly a tropical island getaway.

Tenth Time Lucky by itsallAvengers

Steve just wants to propose to Tony.

If only he didn't keep getting fucking interrupted-

I Am One With What I Am by Kiyaar 

After the mess in Washington, Steve and Tony try to carve out a little life for themselves, a place to heal, out of the spotlight.

If only the original Tony’s shadow wasn't permanently between them.

Throw a Little Hot Rod Red in There by FestiveFerret, SirSapling

Tony Stark was pretty sure that the absolute worst time to get asked out by an incredibly talented, good-looking artist, who likes to paint - and defend - Iron Man, is when he's dying of palladium poisoning.

Vice Versa by AvocadoLove

During an alien invasion, Tony is transported to an alternate universe where Steve is Iron Man and he is Captain America.

Also, Captain Stark and CEO Steve Rogers are together on the sly. Awkward.

I Wanted It To Be You by complicationstoo 

After Civil War, Tony and Steve are both a bit of a mess. Guilt and loneliness threaten to break them both, but each find comfort in the emails of strangers they meet online. Tony writes to Sal, and Steve writes to Thomas, and neither of them have a clue who's actually on the other side.

Antoshka by LokasennaHiddleston

Tony does not know what to make of the Winter Soldier's story. For Steve's sake, he's trying to help. For Steve's sake, he's trying to find Bucky Barnes and bring him back. But when an Avengers raid on a Hydra base leads to an unexpected discovery, Tony will find that Bucky Barnes may just be more than just his lover's best friend.

Mental note: Scrap all footage of him hitting on Natasha. That's just awkward.

Through A Lens by itsallAvengers

"Okay- so this is the first option- I've got to go to this huge family meal in a few weeks, and so I'm looking for a shirt that just screams 'I am the family disappointment', you know? Does the bright pink work, do you think?"

Steve shrugged. "Uhh, well, I'd say pink probably would? It's hard to say, I mean, I'm colour-blind, maybe you need Natasha's input. Hell, Clint's always good with 'family disappointment' fashion, shall I grab him-"

"Wait," Tony cut him off, face completely blank and shirt half way off his body. "You're... you're fucking with me, right?"

"Huh? I mean, Clint's family is fucked up on a normal day, so it's not really-"

"No, not that, the other thing. The colour-blind thing," Tony said, stepping out of the changing room with his shirt still hanging around his neck in order to grab Steve's arms. "Please, please God tell me that I haven't spent the last two years of my life assuming you could see colour. Please."

If you like Piña Coladas... by itsallAvengers 

After being essentially blackmailed onto a first-class cruise by Bucky under the guise of 'taking a vacation' and 'getting some well-earned rest' or whatever stupid bullshit it was that his dumb best friend told him, Steve Rogers ends up alone, on a boat heading to the Caribbean. He gets on expecting to hate it.

He does.

There is one good thing about the trip, though.

patchwork people by itsallAvengers

It was a pretty well-known fact that Tony Stark had control issues.

It was far less well-known why, though.

Our rain-washed histories (don't need to be told) by sirona

Dumped by SHIELD into the real world of the 21st Century, Steve must learn how to live a normal life again, and rediscover the things that make it worth embracing.

Science and Progress (do not speak as loud as my heart) by sirona

Steve's body is not the only thing affected by the Super Soldier Serum.

I wanna hold your hand by sirona

No one understands what it's like growing up rich and yet more alone than anyone should be able to stand - except for people who grew up just like you, that is. In which Tony Stark goes to Oxford University and meets people and makes enemies and makes friends and changes people's minds and falls in love - amongst other tales of mishap and adventure.

you can call me babe for the weekend by complicationstoo 

Tony left his small town for Los Angeles after high school, leaving behind everything to pursue his dream. Ten years later, he comes back for the first time and finds that some things are impossible to let go of.

Brave New World by valdomarx for enkiduu

Captain Hydra, the Avengers' long-time foe, and Iron Man, the mysterious masked Avenger, find themselves transported to a strange alien planet. The place is beautiful, but it's also apparently sentient and has taken a perverse interest in them.

Steve agrees to a truce with Iron Man for now, at least until he finds his time to strike.

That is, if the trees don't get them first.

Good For You by youcancallmearrow 

Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who treat him poorly. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.

The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past.

Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.

but come ye back by Red (S_Hylor)

When the night is cold and the sky is open, Tony goes to talk to the past Sheriff of Timely.

your ivy grows by complicationstoo 

Tony has been trapped in an arranged marriage for years, isolated and withering under Ty's heavy hand. Until one night at a bar in Brooklyn changes everything.

It Had To Be You (Wonderful You) by tinystark616

During a party in Avengers Tower, Steve confesses to Tony that he's never slept with anyone.

#stevetony #stony #stony fic recs #stevetony weekly #steve rogers #tony stark #iron man #captain america #stevetony fic #stony fic #fic rec

[yakumtsaki]

It’s a new day and Half-Alien Prof is still on the premises because SHE STAYED THE NIGHT. I legit still can’t believe this is happening, VICTORIA IS ROLLING IN HER VAST MAUSOLEUM.

-What the hell am I looking at?

You’re looking at the consequences of your actions, Eliza, not that you give a fuck.

-I sure don’t.

Meanwhile, DJ Verse destroys Sophito with FACTS and LOGIC.

-Nice try, manwhore, you think I don’t know you’re banging your way through every sorority? -Hey! I’m banging my way through the fraternities, too!

Ya you tell her, Soph!

-What are these darn kids doing in the hot tub, I wanted to soak my arthritic bones and then bang Reginald in it!

First of all GROSS, secondly they’re on a date having a fight about ladybugs, as one does.

I hadn’t noticed until now that DJ has a modified version of the Wyatt template, so she and Sophito have the exact same nose LOL. I still miss Wyatt💔

My dedication to Sophito’s awful LTW truly knows no bounds, apparently I’m even willing to sacrifice his education as I completely spaced out during this date with Blossom Moonbeam (who I thought was named Blossom Moonblossom and was disappointed to find it’s not so) and he missed like half his final exam. 

-Uhh, Soph, shouldn’t you have left like 2 hours ago? -Nah it’s fine, Junie, I’m taking it same time as Liz and she said she’d come get me when it was time to go. -Ya, she left 2 hours ago. -Of course she did. ‘Xcuse me, Blossom Moonblossom. -That’s not my name. -It should be, it’s way funnier. 

Thankfully nothing, not even Eliza’s sabotage, can beat those brainchad Sophie genes! I’m not even gonna show you everyone else’s grades, but rest assured, they were horrible (as usual) except June’s (as usual). We’re officially half-way through college now, man does time fly when you’re on the worst college run ever.

Liz is currently going through it, so I cave and have her throw this toga party she wants, even though our last party was the stage of Reginald bringing untold shame on this family.

Well that’s just great. Having fun, Liz?

-It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.

Obvious Business Major is very cute but since we’ve already gone on a date with her it’s time to dump her for Phineaus Furley’s r/atheism ass.  

-Hey there ;) -Oh my God, someone wants to talk to me!!! Of course, there is NO GOD.  -Greeting you was a mistake ;)

Good Lord, Phineaus Furley, will you stop ranting at Sophito?? You are the worst date of all time. 

-And don’t even get me STARTED on the fact you have a butler. -Ya I know, he’s so glitchy. The last one was super glitchy too, he almost crashed our lot until we fired him. -YOU FIRED HIM?!?! -Well, not me, my ex-girlfriend, Eliza. Well, she wasn’t really my girlfriend, she was my uncle Reginald’s girlfriend, who is now dating Half-Alien Professor. We were just banging. -With the ‘Half-Alien Professor’?? -No, with Eliza. But Eliza is now banging my cousin Wilfred. Well, not only ‘now’, she was also banging him when I was banging her. She’s re-banging him now. Also my grandpa Jojo used to date both of Eliza’s fathers. -’Your grandpa Jojo used to’.. What the fuck?! You know what, I’m just gonna go. Don’t call me! -FINALLY, I thought he’d never fuck off. Had to bust out the family dating history.

At least we’ve found a use for it!

The party’s over, and having learned nothing from the Furley Fiasco, we ask passerby Tom Freshe out.

-Hey, I’m Sophito Union ;)  -Say no more. 

Unlike the previous disaster, this date is actually going pretty well since Tom does not appear to be criminally insane- 

-unfortunately, we are interrupted by YET ANOTHER FIRE. Ok seriously, does it seem to anyone else like this entire generation we’ve been having WAY MORE fires than one should??? Like between all the kitchen fires, the thunder fires, and the trainset fire THAT KILLED CYN this shit is for real starting to feel like the number of fires directly correlates to the number of affairs-

-ARE YOU KIDDING ME. BREAK IT UP

-Wow Liz, I can’t believe we almost died. -I can’t believe you passed that exam. Imagine what you could achieve if you actually applied yourself. -Sorry, the only thing I’m ever gonna apply myself to is hooking up with 50 people ;) -God, why are you such a himbo loser?  -I don’t know, why are you such a coldhearted bitch??

Why am I still playing this household???  

ALRIGHT THEN. Can I order a thunderstrike for this bedroom? Thanks so much.

#gen 3 #ts2

[vro0m]

vro0m’s rewatch - 154/310

2015 Monaco GP

And it’s already time for the worst GP of the year... yay...

So I don't have the full broadcast for this one and honestly I'm kinda glad because Monaco is so damn fucking long as it is already. 

Welp now I have it and I have no excuse not to watch it so here we go. (Spoiler : retrospectively the full broadcast was so worth it)

Lewis is on pole. Nico locked up and messed up his lap, twice in a row. Hill says Lewis has struck back after what happened in Spain and compliments him a lot but Simon calls him out, because if you remember he said he'd been too distracted during the break and Lewis hit back at him (I don't know if it's figuratively with the racing or if he said something about it). Johnny is grinning from ear to ear listening to him trying to justify himself now. Hill says nobody likes to have people commenting on their lifestyle but– Simon cuts him off : does he stand by it though? He maintains he thinks there is something in it, he thinks you can't travel the world and show up at the race at your best jetlagged and all. Simon asks for Brundle's opinion. Brundle says it's not his place to comment on how he lives his life, he seems very relaxed compared to how he feels himself sometimes. Johnny chuckles. Brundle thinks Lewis looks very comfortable and at the top of his game. He says right before his final run, Lewis went "okay guys let's all just calm down." Apparently it wasn't going too well and then he aced it and Nico made a mistake and that's that. 

Let's hear from Lewis himself. He says it feels very special and wow the broadcast is shit it's completely lagging. He says it feels like a great achievement and it's gonna be a tough race no doubt (can't hear, can't hear) Natalie says he's only won one and by his own very high standards that's not enough, can he win again? (can't hear) …it isn't enough but he's grateful for the one he does have and he'll work as hard as he can to win a second one today. 

Simon says he's read somewhere that Lewis went away to work on a couple of areas he felt he'd been weak over the years on this circuit. He says it shows his attention to details. 

Anyway it's Lewis' first Monaco pole! Of course Nico is right behind him. Then it's Seb and Daniel, Kvyat and Raikkonen, Perez and Maldonado, Verstappen and Jenson. 

Meanwhile Nico could become the fourth driver in history to win 3 Monaco GPs in a row after Graham Hill, Alain Prost and Ayrton Senna. 

Oh god… Lewis went to play football?! With fucking Thierry Henry?!

There are famous people there but I don't know who they are so I'm not impressed. Some of them are not in elite-athlete shape so I’m guessing either retirees or not sportsmen.

So yeah, Thierry's team won. Oh they have a lovely talk. It's a looooong one though (like it lasts almost 10 minutes) so I'll just tell you about what interests me the most and post the thing afterwards so you can listen for yourselves. 

Lewis says Thierry has been doing it for years but for him it's the first time (the video has a bug I think?) then he says he never played in front of people and Thierry says neither did he and they laugh. 

"The guys were really happy to be around you," Thierry Henry tells him, "at the end of the day you ARE, you know, a living legend, like they're saying."

I like his calm voice and demeanour, it's attractive. Lewis denies it but Thierry doesn't care, he insists : "Yes you are! You know, you're gonna play it down obviously because you're humble."

(Look at him babygirling I’d say he finds Thierry as attractive as I do)

A bit later he says : "I always explain to people that when I do something to win, I see, if I can say, myself in Lewis because he wants to win everything. Everything that he does." Lewis says he thinks they share the same mentality, when you go out there it's do or die. "I hate losing. Do you hate losing?" he asks. Thierry scoffs. He says he doesn't understand people telling people they should be good losers. They agree that they don't know what that is, (although of course Lewis has shown us he knows, since then. Or maybe he's learnt since then. Idk.) Lewis says he thinks people like that will never be champions. (Yeah. He definitely learnt. There's a difference between not caring about losing and losing with composure, if you know what I mean. That might not be the best way to word it but you get it, I trust that you do.) 

They must have recorded right after the Spanish GP because Lewis talks about getting a lot from what happened "yesterday". He feels like because he had to gain some places back he was more successful than maybe if he'd won the race. He calls it a challenge of composure. (But that's literally what I was saying about being a good loser. The same word even, lmao. Lewis you do get it you dumbass (affectionate)). He talks about the moment when Bono told him not to try and catch Nico at the end because he wouldn't be able to. He's proud of overcoming all that and not getting flustered. He then says he knows he needs to be better prepared than ever, he says the previous year he wasn't prepared the best he could for Monaco. "I've had a good car for the last two years and I haven't capitalised on it," he adds. (Bro you won the title, is Monaco really that important that you would say you didn't capitalise on it?) He thinks third time's lucky. 

Thierry asks how you find the right balance with a teammate. He says it's not easy as a footballer to be an individual in the collective. Lewis says he doesn't get paid to lift the other one up. On the one hand you want the other guy to be second for the team, but at the same time sometimes you want "the Ferrari guy or someone to take points away from that guy". "You wanna be a team player, but also you wanna win."

He's gotten older though (he says 'a lot' but he's 30 at this point so I refuse that) and now he thinks there's an opportunity to be a leader. (Oh that’s truly… Actually I've been thinking this season we’re seeing more and more of the current Lewis in him and that's another thing he did actually emulate right? He definitely did become that leader in the end.) When he was younger he only thought about "me me me" and wanting to win and nowadays he thinks if he wants to earn the place to be a team leader for all these people, there's a way he needs to conduct himself. Even though he wants to win, he also needs to make sure the team gets a 1-2. 

Thierry says it's like the guy on the bench, he might need to replace you for the end of the game or because you're injured, and you need him to win for the team so you give him advice and lift him up but if you give too much, you might become the guy on the bench, and you might find out that once that guy plays he's not looking at you anymore. That's where he sees a similarity between them in that sense. People don't get it, how you need to be nice but not let him take over. He jokes : "I will help you. But you will never play."

Lewis says the thing with F1 is that everything is recorded, from your heart rate to the vibrations. So you don't even need to tell the guy, he can just go in the backroom and look at it. "All of your talents are on display." He says the difference in your heart and in your ability can still come through even though it's diminished because of that. (I never thought of that part, actually. I didn't know they had such easy access to their teammate’s data. I guess it depends on the team and all that as well but yeah it makes it that much more difficult to navigate. It's kinda crazy to think that eventually Lewis developed in such a way that even with that data his teammates aren't able to emulate him? Or maybe they didn't have as much access anymore after that brocedes fiasco? I wonder.)

I still wrote most of it down in the end because pretty much all of it was interesting lol. Thierry says "see you soon on the field". He adds he won't see him on the track because it's too dangerous for him. "I'm soft." They laugh.

Back on the track it's another footballer. Fucking Cristiano Ronaldo. Meh. We see super models greeting Lewis in the garage, I think it's Gigi Hadid? Idk. Idc. They're with Spinz. While Johnny says he does think Lewis took control of his life and the whole management thing had a role in that too, we see Lewis joking around with the models, handing them his steering wheel then his very heavy bling necklace. Johnny says he feels comfortable with everything that's going on around him which is funny because it's true of his life and of the models lol. "Something he hasn't had for many many years," he continues, "he's always been open on that fact." And it gives him ultimate confidence on track. (I like Johnny Herbert I have to say, I feel like he's often right and doesn't take any of it too seriously.) 

There's a segment about Jules winning Marussia points here in 2014 and it makes me incredibly sad to hear these people talk about him. They all sound so proud. Max Chilton, his teammate at the time, says he got goosebumps just talking about it.

It's time for Lewis to get in the car, the models have to go. Oh, Nick is there! They hug.

I also read that Mercedes announced that they renewed Lewis' contract for an additional 3 years ahead of the weekend! Somehow I don't think they mentioned it during the broadcast but maybe I just missed it idk. 

Formation lap. 

They're racing! 

It's a tight start, Lewis is ahead but just about. Behind him, Nico is level with Seb and there's a Red Bull, Daniel I imagine, trying to get in-between them but locking up as he tries not to collide with the Ferrari. The cars fall into place, it's actually Kvyat who almost made contact, he got ahead of Ricciardo. Yellow flags in sector two. Yeah someone is in the barriers and reversing. It's Hulkenberg. As he tries to go away again he runs in the debris of his own car. The marshals jump the barrier to take them away. His front wing is gone. Massa is dead last and saying on the radio it's finished. What happened to him? Ohhh on the replay we see Hulkenberg was actually SENT into the barriers by Alonso… Hulkenberg pits, and Massa pits and they're both getting new front wings. And Max and Maldonado make contact. Verstappen is trying to race wheel to wheel in Monaco. Which isn't a thing. Unfortunately. But tbh good on him for trying. Alonso gets a 5 second time penalty for the collision with Hulkenberg. Max and Maldonado are indeed wheel to wheel and it made me inhale through my teeth, it's scary scary. I mean. It would be scary with any drivers but it's Max and Maldonado. On paper, terrible pairing for wheel to wheel racing on a tight street circuit. Verstappen takes P8. Ted says Maldonado has a brake by wire failure so things are gonna get worse for him. Yeah, they retire him. 

It's lap 10. Lewis, 3.1 in the lead, is told to manage his front left brake. Behind him it's of course Nico, then Seb, then Kvyat and Daniel, Raikkonen, Perez, Verstappen, Jenson and Alonso is currently P10. Lewis is having issues with brake balance and temperature. It's affecting the strategy, Ted says, as they're telling him he's not making a gap to Seb quick enough now. It's so early in the race to be struggling, I'm worried. 

Lap 20. Lewis is 3.9 ahead now. The order behind him is obviously unchanged. He's told the brakes are coming under control and he can reduce lift and coast. Nico is told it's important to reduce the gap to Lewis in case there's a Safety Car. A bit later, they tell him prime warm up looks better than they thought so Vettel is a threat to the undercut, hence he has to push. He's not getting closer to Lewis though. Lewis complained he lost time in traffic but now it's Rosberg and Seb caught in it and it's helping him a lot. 

It's lap 30. Lewis is 8.6 ahead and the pit stops are ongoing. After the top 3 it's now Daniel, Raikkonen, Perez, Jenson, Kvyat, Alonso and Nasr. Verstappen is just exiting the pit lane after a 31.0 wheel change in a 52.821 pit stop. His race is ruined. Seb pits. Daniel pits. Nico pits to cover Seb. Raikkonen pits. Nico is still ahead but it was close. 

Lap 40 (sigh). Lewis still hasn't stopped and he's 8.2 ahead. Why aren't they pitting him. He's losing time. Behind Seb is now Kvyat, Raikkonen is P5, then Daniel, Perez, Jenson, Alonso and Nasr. Nico just set the fastest lap… Alonso just went straight on in a run off area. He's out. 

Lap 50. The Monaco gp is always so testing for whatever is wrong with my brain wiring istg. It makes me wanna bite things really hard. Anyway, Lewis is, guess what, still ahead, by 10.8 seconds. So there was no reason to worry about Nico earlier. But he clearly must have stopped and I missed it because otherwise it wouldn't be possible. I mean this race is fucking boring and I can't focus so no surprise. Anyway. They keep showing us "battle for P2" between Seb and Nico but Seb is over 1.5 seconds behind so they're really grasping at straws there in reality. 

Lap 60. Lewis is a healthy 15 seconds in the lead. Bla bla bla. Please make it end. Max tries to overtake Grosjean in the hairpin and can't make it. That's another risky pairing. He's told to push the engine. Oh. Guess what? They crashed. It's actually a quite heavy one… One of them changed direction and Max's front left hit his rear right. That suspension is shredded and Max goes straight into the barriers at high speed. It must have hurt… Grosjean is able to leave the scene. All the RBR mechanics have horrified looks on their face. Can we hear him over radio? He's moving. Virtual Safety Car. From his on-board we see him hand his steering wheel to the marshals. "You OK Max?" – "I'm OK." He's struggling to climb out of his car though, maybe because it's embedded in the tepco barrier. He's up and out. Safety Car. Max is being checked upon by marshals. Ooof the replay is scary, that must have been a serious amount of Gs. On the radio Grosjean asks if he has damage. "He's a (beep) that Verstappen. That was stupid." Plenty of Safety Car pit stops. Wow. We see Verstappen's car hooked on a crane and the marshals are reaaaally struggling to extract it from the barriers. It's quite shocking how deep into it it went. Lewis pits???????????? He had to wait a bit to avoid an unsafe release. 

Oh shit. Nico is ahead. Lewis and Seb are side by side behind the Safety Car. Now what. Lewis is P3. No, come on. If Nico wins I quit. Not really but that would be infuriating. How did they fuck up that much, Lewis will be furious. Ted says Lewis on the radio said "I've lost this race, haven't I?" but Bono answered not if they lose tyre temp and he'd be fast behind on supersofts but that would work IF WE WERE ON A FUCKING TRACK ON WHICH YOU CAN FUCKING OVERTAKE FOR FUCKS SAKE 

Ooooh this is so frustrating. 

Lewis asks "what's happening guys?" and Bono says they're reviewing a video? What's that about? Is it about P2? Because we just saw a replay of him leaving the pits and he was clearly behind Seb if that's what he's on about. Seb on his radio says he was in front. Yes you were. He's told they can see from the TV and it was clear. Brundle keeps talking over the radio message to say the same thing just shut the fuck up man. We know. 

10 laps to go. He needs this SC in but they have to repair the barriers… lapped cars can overtake. Brundle is pissed because that's optional and they don't need to do it. Honestly fuck off. (I'm sorry I'm really pissed off by this race.) Yeah that's a lot of lapped cars but still. What's the use keeping them lapped that's just traffic for the midfield. Be real. Bono : "Lewis can you let us know who was ahead when you crossed Safety Car Line Two?" – "Nico was ahead. I was alongside Sebastian." No you weren't love I thought we'd left the bad faith with McLaren come on. Seb is complaining : "This is like sending swimmers to swim with weights on their legs, this makes no sense. We need at least two, three laps at better pace to get a bit of temperature, I mean this is a joke." 

Safety car coming in at the end of lap 70. That'll leave them 8 laps. Fucking hell. 

Here we go. Lewis is all over Seb's rear, he needs to get ahead quickly so Nico can't get away but if he rushes he'll crash. I'm losing my fucking mind. He can't make it. Nico is already over 2 seconds ahead. You can tell he's pissed from the way he drives. Don't fuck it up though… DRS is enabled. Daniel overtook 2 cars since the restart and is up in P4 but very honestly who cares right now. 

5 laps to go… Nico sets the fastest lap. He says it's impossible to pass. I need you to try though, like last race, don't give up. And Daniel sets the fastest lap, he's right behind Lewis, so I guess he became relevant in this race after all. He's under investigation for pushing Raikkonen wide though. 

3 laps to go. Bono : "Strat mode five and you have strat mode two available." – "Please stop talking to me, please." He's losing on Seb, getting closer to Daniel, I'm so very very angry at this race how did they fuck up THAT BAD. No further action for Daniel. Come on Lewis. Fight back please. 

It's the final lap. I can't believe what I've seen. And Daniel is told if he can't overtake Lewis he'll have to give his position back to Kvyat. 

It's the end of the race. 

And so Nico fucking wins fucking Monaco fucking again. Seb is P2 and Lewis is P3. Ricciardo did give the place back to Kvyat. 

Bono : "Sorry about that Lewis, mate. Just going to have to have a word with the pit wall." 

I have no words. 

Lewis stopped by the side of the track?! He's gone again. What was that. 

Ted tells Niki it seems like the team has lost Lewis the GP. "Yes, clear." Why on earth did they pit him? "I don't know. Confusion… in the overhead… I will say… a lot of people talking. And, wrong decision." Ted is adding fuel to the fire saying the Ferrari weren't even about to pit, there was no threat and the gap wasn't big enough. "Full agree." He says he was listening to the talks and there was too much confusion. Ted asks, if he's the boss now, how does he handle it and how does he handle Lewis, who's gonna be "absolutely spitting blood." Niki says he honestly feels really sorry and even apologised to his engineers. It's unacceptable. He asked Toto to analyse it properly and see what the mistake was.

Rosberg is out of the car, Seb is out of the car, Lewis' car isn't even there. 

Ted is with Toto now. He tells him Niki said it was unacceptable. "You've lost Lewis the grand prix. Why?" Toto says they did, they made a mistake, they thought the gap was a different one than it actually was, then Lewis called in that the tyres temp dropped and he had no grip. "A complete misjudgement." (As he talks Lewis finally arrives and straight up runs over the P3 sign.) Toto says he's just so sorry, "we just screwed it up for him". Ted says he's already apologised on the radio, what is he gonna say to him? He says there's nothing else to do but to apologise, and apologise, and apologise. (You know what else there is to do, actually? find out what happened and make sure it never ever EVER happens again, but we already know that it did.)

Lewis slowly, methodically, gets out of his car, while Nico is beaming on the side. Lewis is walking very slowly to them. Seb offers his hand first.

Lewis shakes it but barely looks at him. Seb whispers in his ear as he sets down his helmet (while I make the gif I hear "[something] won this race", possibly you should or would have won this race).

Nico did not make one gesture in his direction, he's still smiling on his side. They head up the short flight of stairs to the Monaco royalty. He's just so happy and expansive about it honestly it infuriates me. Like I get it, he's happy, he's won Monaco three times in a row but fuck that.

But Lewis is good so he walks up the stairs, taps Nico's shoulder and shakes his hand.

(See now the whole conversation with Thierry Henry just. Yeah I don’t need to spell it out, you get it.) Charlene pats his shoulder amicably after kissing his cheeks.

He barely lifts his trophy to the crowd without a smile and sets it down.

Seb says something to him again.

He looks down during the anthem. Nico's satisfied grin as Lewis wipes his face istg. I know it's not his fault but he's so grating right now. Also Lewis' face… if I was from his side of the garage I would be shitting myself. The crowd is chanting his name though. He gives them a thumbs up but it doesn't cheer him up.

They hand them champagne. Nico grabs his bottle and runs off with it. Lewis walks away with his.

Some official stops him in his tracks though as he's truly walking away.

The interviews begin. Will he even talk to Brundle? 

Nico says he's very happy but he also knows it was just a lot of luck today. "Lewis drove brilliantly and would have also deserved the win for sure. But that's the way it is in racing." Lewis is back, we see him sitting down behind Nico with his head bowed still. Honestly… this is such long moments after a race like that it must suck so bad. Brundle asks Nico if he has an explanation as to why Lewis was brought in and not him, he says he doesn't. You don't know the decisions being made as you're in the car. The restart on cold hard tyres was very hard but it worked out. 

In his interview Seb smiles as he says it was pretty close but he's confident he was ahead of Lewis out of the pits. He's happy to be on the podium again and he feels like they were closer in the race than they were in quali. 

Yeah Lewis does NOT want to talk. Brundle says he thinks he speaks for millions of people when he says he's sorry for him. Behind him, the whole royal family starts clapping for him.

The whole crowd starts cheering for him. "Yeah that was not… the easiest of races. But you know the team has done amazing all year long and we win and we lose together so uh…”

“You know I'm just grateful for the job that I did and congratulations to Nico and Sebastian."

… He's matured a lot, hasn't he? It makes me genuinely emotional. Remember the first seasons? He's grown so much. Also it's remarkable how he actually doesn't get very angry but rather sad. I'm pissed af as you can tell. He's just disappointed.

Brundle asks if he can tell them why he was pitted. He takes a big breath in. "I'm sure we'll sit down afterwards and try and think of ways we can improve." 

How bad do you feel now, Brundle asks. You've lost a Monaco grand prix it's been taken away from you. What's going through your mind? "... Uh… come back to win the next one."

A couple of people in the crowd yell "yeah!" and people start clapping, including the Royal family again. 

I just realised Nico's ears are absolutely not the same size. 

I read that in the post race press conference Lewis said the stop was made after he complained of his tyres, and he thought both Nico and Seb had already stopped. He was asked if he'd have full confidence in the team's strategy after that and said yes. 

Max got a 5 place grid penalty for the next race after his crash with Grosjean. He also got 2 penalty points. Oh wait lol. Until now I was like yeah okay, fair. But then I read that he claimed Grosjean brake tested him. Bro stfu. We all saw what happened. Grosjean did not slow down. Verstappen was criticised by Massa, who said he deserved the penalty. He said he did nothing wrong and pointed Massa to his own accident with Perez in Canada 2014. Bold move child. Sit down and drink your milk. 

Let's check out the postrace content now that I have it.

They sent Ted to talk to Nick. He says they're all gutted, he did such a good job. He's massively proud of what he's done yesterday and today. He seems emotional. He says he doesn't know and he doesn't want to comment on it. Ted explains what Mercedes said the mistake was due. He talks about Senna who crashed and went straight to his apartment. Nick says you can see Lewis' emotions right away. He's obviously hurting right now, but he's gonna remain positive. He says he'll make sure to give him as much support as he can, he knows he's there for him and hopefully they can pick him up and get him ready for the next one. Ted says this race kinda means more to him than others, "100%" Nick answers. Monaco is very special for everyone. 

From the commentators cabin, Crofty says he can see just above Mercedes garage, in the offices, Paddy Lowe, Toto Wolff, Bono and James Vowles. They've been talking for 15 minutes, basically since the end of the race. 

We get to hear what Lewis says in the press conference. He's not okay. He says he can't express how he feels so he won't attempt to.

He says he saw a screen and it looked like the team was out so he thought Nico had pitted. He couldn't see the guys behind him so he thought they were pitting. The team told him to stay out so he said the tyres are gonna drop in temperature, assuming the guys behind would be on options, while he was on hards, so they told him to pit. So he went in with full confidence that the others had done the same. 

Natalie bravely went to interview him as well. Let's see how that went. Oh fucking hell. Natalie starts by asking if sorry is enough from the team. He says yes with a small smile but it sounds like he's about to break.

She asks how he gets over this, because none of them can imagine how frustrated he is, and angry. He says he'll refocus tomorrow, enjoy his evening, and try to win the next race. "As simple as that?" – "It's all I can do."

She said they talked before about him wanting to be a leader in the team, is that just another big challenge he has to overcome in that respect? "Um… Yeah, I guess so." – "So you can actually be that reflective and you can actually say to yourself 'you know what I can be the bigger man here, I can grow, I can learn from this'?" He says it's very difficult at the moment, "but you know I'll…" He interrupts himself, looks down and shakes his head.

"I'm world champion so I need to behave like one and I'd like to be the team leader and I think today I showed my pace, I showed what I can do here in Monaco and… So… I feel content in my heart that I did everything I could." (The cameraperson is struggling real hard and just zooooomed on his cheekbone freckle lol) Natalie asks if he's spoken to the key strategist. He says no but it was a collective decision between all of them (he says “us”).

Then Toto is with Ted. He says they had a problem with the maths. They thought they could afford a stop to protect against Seb. But Ted cuts him off out of sheer disbelief. "But Ferrari weren't out in the pitlane!" he exclaims in a hushed voice. "You weren't protecting from anything! They weren't out, they weren't gonna make a stop!" Toto says they were 10 seconds behind them so they could have made a pit stop when Lewis was in. There was plenty of time to do a stop. But he says at the end of the day there's no excuse, because they got the maths wrong. He seems furious. The calculations for the gap were giving them a bigger gap than what they had. "Full stop". He says the margin mistake was 3.5 seconds. Now the question is whether they should have made the call with a 3.5 seconds gap or not. 

Ted is back with the others and he's not convinced by his talk with Toto. He says first of all even if Ferrari had pitted someone, the Merc (aka Nico) would still have had track position. "What circuit did they think they were at?!" he bursts out. "Track position is key!" Then he adds even if Seb had been on the quicker tyre at the end, he wouldn't have been able to get past just like Lewis wasn't able to. He's very right. The issue here isn't the gap miscalculation. 

Ted, although he says himself he might be a bit dramatic, wonders how Lewis can ever again trust a call from his pit wall after that. Simon says twitter is weaving conspiracy theories. Brundle says what they've got to remember is the million calls they've made that were spot-on. But Ted maintains it will stay in Lewis’ head though. 

Nico says yes it's a weird one to celebrate because not all of the team is excited. Indeed on the team photo I felt like there weren't as many people as usual. Of course Lewis himself wasn't there. Johnny asks if it matters, with a mischievous smile. Nico says he's learnt to take it. Sometimes the sport isn't nice to you and sometimes it is, he knows he's been incredibly lucky today, and he'll take it. Hill says Lewis will get over it, right? They're all racing drivers, they know how it is. Nico says it's not the first time and won't be the last, but he's sure today ranks as one of the worst moments for him. Losing in such a way really isn't good, especially since he's done such a good job this weekend. (He's actually being remarkably gracious about this I have to say. Very fair.) He says he has a lot of empathy for him but also a lot of space to just be happy. 

#f1 #lewis hamilton #vro0m's race reviews #2015 #2015 monaco gp

[elisaenglish]

For All This Dark, Prey Tell

                                   “Many a spear Dawn-cold to the touch will be taken down And waved on high; the swept harp Won’t waken warriors, but the raven winging Darkly over the doomed will have news, Tidings of the eagle of how he hoked and ate, How the wolf and he made short work of the dead.”

-Unknown, Beowulf-

According to legend, there’s a wild elegy that rocks itself to sleep in a remote corner of the archaic world. It sobs, searches, searches, searches for solace in all the wrong places—the clean lines of moral delineation, of tropes and strains and archetypes, the consummate delusion that eats itself for sport. But of course, this loss of perspectival balance is no surprise if we consider the dire consequence of leaning into fictive mindsets in the absence of either awareness of self or the narrative processes that underpin the vast majority of human ideas.

You’ve see one monster, you’ve seen them all? You’ve dabbled a little bit in the meta-literary pool? You think you know what you don’t?

Interesting... and common... and tragic... and all the heartbreaking grief of a backslide untethered from reason. Suspend your disbelief, by all means; but watch your biases before casting the imagined as real. And that’s not to say that most forces of violence aren’t colossal in comparison to us as individuals nor does it dismiss our capacity as a species for genuine evil. It does, however, steer our judgement towards the fraught immediacy of suffering in our intimate lives, in people just like you and I, in scenarios found in mirrors and discomfort, in daily horrors and where we lie in relation to them.

Not romantic. Not heroic, even. Because life’s not a fucking fairytale, or an orgiastic myth to light up those synapses. And I’ll admit that it’s a psychological necessity to catharsis the shit out of the worst of it; story’s a great healer in that sense. But flooding the brain with dopamine and riding a puritan high? Not so meaningful—and absolutely designed to absolve a weak stance of accountability.

Because you know what? We’re in it, we own it. There’s a level of responsibility that extends beyond the tiny air-pockets we inhabit. I accept that, even as I vent this overwhelming rage that emerges nonetheless in coherent steps. As for the violence I do to myself? I grind my teeth and dream of other people’s trauma, of which there is a lot, and I don’t always know whether the love makes a difference anymore.

Maybe the enduring thing is that I just keep going. It doesn’t matter that this is why no one will ever love me—and it doesn’t, I suppose. Solitary girl fulfils her hermitic dreams? It’s not the worst arc, and sometimes I do want to go live in the woods with the animals. And yet...

It’s not like I’m predisposed to giving up. Oh, and what’s that? It’s not a fucking fairytale? No, it fucking isn’t.

And what am I doing really? Talking myself back to the headspace I need. Theoretically, this was going to be a “startling” analysis of old English poetry—don’t worry Beowulf, you’ll have your day. Instead, I think the catharsis is me, a little raw admission, room to exorcise some doubt, all the stuff of nightmares. Not that I sleep very well these days, although that’s another story entirely. And no, it isn’t folklore.

So the real, the concrete bliss of all this vulnerability, what is your sum? My fears? My absolute destruction? And you think I speak in hyperbole. Meanwhile the woman I was is now just a ghost, and I wonder if you know. I mean, really know that I hold all this crisis inside me. Crisis that isn’t even mine but as conduit, I bear.

According to research, it takes four generations of peace for a whole population to recover from war. I think about that, again a lot. Do we call that a hundred years hence? A hundred years back? Do we call it not of our time? Or not of any time in history’s name? What of all these monsters? The insufferable vanity, the insufferable ignorance, the insufferable vapidity.

The pain. The noise. The utter fucking shambles of too many minds.

Then somewhere from that screaming mess, there is love. Love that is mine—and I hope, better than we were.

#writing #quote #love #life #vulnerability #meaning #existential musings #all eternal things #love in a time of... #the places you have come to fear the most #the same deep water as you #stripped and bare #letters from the wasteland #inside of me #underneath it all #what it feels like for a girl #more than fiction #this is who i am #elisa english #elisaenglish

[bigskydreaming]

Brain topic du jour is reflecting on the frankly weird as fuck pattern in Dick’s life where....he barely ever experiences losses one at a time. Most of the loss he’s experienced in his life is compounded by him losing multiple people and other elements of stability all at the exact same time.

1) When his parents died, in some continuities this is coupled with him losing his extended family of his aunt and cousin as well, with his uncle left comatose and on life support for years before he eventually died as well. Even in continuities without Richard, Karla and John, the loss of Dick’s parents is compounded by the additional loss of his circus family in the sense that he was taken away from them by the state and their constant reassuring presences in his life were no longer comforts he was able to rely on.

2) When Jason died, Dick didn’t just lose his brother, as the tragedy was compounded by Bruce’s reaction. I’ll never be able to gloss over the effects of NTT #55, personally, because I think its too key to Dick’s entire characterization and the specific direction his character took in the years that followed this, to like....disregard that Bruce however unintentionally, while lost in his own grief, added to Dick’s own sense of loss for Jason in probably the worst way possible. As by kicking Dick out and telling him to leave his keys, Dick - having no way to know or guess that they’d ever reconcile, just like he never actually went back to the circus being a regular presence for him - to Dick, this was in essence the equivalent of his childhood tragedy all over again. Losing not just one family member, but his whole family in one sweep, and all the comforts and stability offered by a home he was forced to leave. Even Dick’s contact with Alfred was minimal for awhile, because why would the guy who basically JUST saw history repeat itself and was like, well I know how THIS tends to play out.....why would he think that if Alfred felt forced to actually choose between his loyalties to Bruce and Dick respectively, that Alfred would pick Dick over the man he’d known and raised from childhood himself?

3) Titans Hunt. I know I harp on this one a lot, but you can’t deny that it fits the pattern. Dick didn’t just lose one friend and teammate.....he lost Joey, he lost a good four or five lesser known Titans who nevertheless were people he viewed as directly HIS responsibility to keep safe. With these tragedies compounded by the fact that though comics played out a lot more slowburn and extended stories over years back then, like.....the aftermath of Titans Hunt was still everpresent and directly died into Dick’s reactions and emotions during the Mirage storyline and everything that happened with the failed wedding and his breakup with Kory AND the fact that he was literally forced off the team he’d basically founded, by the government agency that took over the team and appointed Roy as its leader in his stead.

3) Graduation Day. The second time the Titans disbanded it was again not due to a singular loss, because Dick didn’t just lose Donna at this point, but also Lilith died in the exact same story and though Lilith is criminally underused, like, she’s also one of Dick’s oldest friends. She was literally the first Titan to join after the original five. This then led into the Outsiders era, where Dick was shown to still be reeling from the losses of this story for an extended period of time, and in a fun parallel to the Titans Hunt aftermath, Dick was also ousted from his leadership of THIS team by essentially a vote of no confidence by his teammates (and uh, Bruce too, literally).

4) The Blockbuster arc. Where Dick’s emotional state was due to a continued string of multiple losses. He lost his apartment building and almost every one of the neighbors he’d built a community out of, as we’d been shown him actively involving himself in their lives and vice versa for YEARS before this point. Then he lost his circus, his childhood home, burned to the ground and with dozens of deaths - both spectators and actual performers Dick had known and loved as a child. Then he lost his relationship with Barbara, his sense of self-security and autonomy to Tarantula, he lost another teen vigilante who died in his colors, the mantle HE’D created, when Stephanie was believed dead in War Games, and it all culminated in losing the city he’d invested himself in as his CHOSEN home, the place he dedicated himself to protecting, when Chemo blew it up.

Oh just for the record - my nonexistent passport to the magical kingdom of Narnia for a fic that raises the point when bringing up Tim’s losses in the Red Robin era, that like.....ALL of the above happened at literally the EXACT SAME TIME as all Tim’s referenced losses occurred. Obviously Steph meant more to Tim than Dick on a personal level, but I also included her largely as an anchor point to the timeline, to show how that death, and not long after that Jack Drake’s and then Superboy’s.... occurred right smack in the middle of one of the absolute WORST periods of Dick’s life. To be clear, I don’t intend this to suggest that no actually, Dick had it harder than Tim - nah. 

No thank you. Hard pass. I hate that sort of thing even in support of my own faves over other characters. No, instead the thing I’d love to see explored more is just in light of the SPECIFIC angle fics take here - that Dick’s actions while Bruce was lost in time showed an obliviousness to everything Tim had lost lately - for literally ANYONE to bring up or introduce into the timeline here an awareness of everything Dick had lost AT THE EXACT SAME TIME PERIOD. To establish that actually, Dick didn’t just ‘not understand what it was like’ - rather, its more accurate to say that nobody in universe around this time ever shows an awareness of Dick’s own losses and says oh wait, that doesn’t track then. 

Because obviously, with this stuff put in proper perspective, Dick understands VERY VERY WELL the exact thing we’re accusing him of not understanding by being oblivious to Tim’s losses that he’s not actually oblivious to because he tries to talk to Tim about them all the time, while meanwhile its everyone else who has absolutely mum to say about the fact that Dick’s emotional state is compromised to hell and back at this point, not JUST because of losing Bruce, but also because *gestures wildly* literally ALL OF THE ABOVE in the exact same time frame Tim’s extended losses happened in.

And okay I am going to indulge in slight tiny itty bitty pettiness and point out my ire that so many fics set during this time tend to recite listicles of Tim’s losses, with Steph, Kon and Jack Drake at the very top of said list....while paying no attention whatsoever to the fact that STEPH WAS LITERALLY BACK BY THE TIME THE RED ROBIN SERIES HAPPENED. She’s LITERALLY a person Dick sends to check up on Tim after Tim turns Dick away when he tries himself. How are you gonna stress the impact Steph’s loss has on Tim when you’re not even acknowledging STEPH’S RIGHT HERE IN THE EXACT SPECIFIC CANON STORY YOU’RE CITING??? I just. afhioskhflafhlafhklfahlfa. 

And not to put too fine a point on it, but you know who ELSE was also back at the same time? CONNOR. Superboy LITERALLY was already back to life by the time the Red Robin series even began. Like, the issue where a resurrected Kon and Cassie (Wonder Girl) have a heart to heart about the fact that Tim and Cassie ‘connected’ during his absence and Connor stresses that this doesn’t bother him or make him feel negatively towards either of them at all, because hello, he was literally dead at the time, why would he mind that two of the people he loves most in the world sought comfort in each other? Yeah, that issue? Literally came out BEFORE Tim even became Red Robin.

I MEAN. I’m just saying, when people constantly take shots at Dick’s choices during this period because of how much Tim had lost before Bruce already, in order to shift focus away from the fact that Dick lost Bruce every bit as much as Tim did......and you repeatedly emphasize the SAME three names as the focal point of Tim’s losses while paying no acknowledgment whatsoever to everything Dick lost at the exact same time Tim lost these three.....it quickly becomes kiiiiiiinda relevant in my opinion THAT TWO OF THE THREE NAMES CONSTANTLY MENTIONED AS BEING TIM’S LOSSES ARE NO LONGER EVEN LOST BY THE TIME THE SUBJECT COMES UP. Again, I’m just saying! Pettily, mind you! I am aware of the pettiness, I just beg awareness of like *again gesticulates wildly at all of the above* ALL THAT!

LOL.

But I digress.

5) When Bruce was believed dead while he was lost in the timestream. Again, Dick didn’t just lose the father who had been the only parent in his life for almost TWICE as long as his first parents......this was coupled with the loss of numerous other sources of stability in Dick’s life. There’s the matter of his personal sense of identity and self-expression....Dick FOUGHT against becoming Batman, trying to handle Gotham in Bruce’s absence as Nightwing for as long as he could, because he knew being Batman was very much NOT going to be good for him. He put so much of himself into building his identity as Nightwing, establishing himself in that role, that self-image, that yes, I maintain it was an actual LOSS for Dick, to feel like he had no choice but to give that up and everything it meant to him and his own life, in order to essentially live Bruce’s life for him in his absence. 

Because it wasn’t just being Batman that Dick was struggling with at this time....he also had to act as the patriarch to the Wayne family, essentially raise Bruce’s ten year old son, step into Bruce’s old role in Wayne Enterprises, all while getting no acknowledgment for any of this, for literally LIVING his father’s life instead of the life Dick had worked so hard to build for HIMSELF....because of course Dick’s actions and struggles couldn’t even be advertised beyond the family and close friends, because the whole point of him doing all this was so that nobody else even realized that Bruce wasn’t really there anymore. Dick didn’t just assume Bruce’s responsibilities. Dick assumed Bruce’s life, so thoroughly that most people didn’t even put together that Bruce was ‘dead,’ between Dick handling Bruce’s actual roles and responsibilities while Hush made public appearances as him. 

Like, when you’re living someone else’s life so completely that nobody can tell they’re even gone....how on earth does that leave any time or space for you to have ANY kind of life of your OWN, y’know? Not to mention the fact that like in so many times previously....all this meant that Dick couldn’t even afford to let his grief for his own losses show, because he wasn’t supposed to be grieving any losses in the first place, that was the whole point of the con!

Additionally, couple this with the fact that throughout this time period, Dick didn’t have Tim to lean on at all, because it was never that Dick kicked Tim out or neglected him or didn’t care....he’d actively stressed how much he needed Tim, because the partner Tim was convinced Dick chose ‘over’ him - Dick was the first one to admit back then that he DIDN’T trust Damian yet, couldn’t afford to, because he was all too aware that Damian didn’t give a fuck about him yet and couldn’t be guaranteed to step in to have Dick’s back - because that required mutual trust that Dick literally just hadn’t had time to build yet. And add to THAT the fact that during this time, Jason was actively antagonizing the family and Dick in particular at every turn, trying to bring them all down and basically write over what all of them saw as Bruce’s legacy with Jason’s own version of what he thought that should look like.

Also also, take into account that unlike how often we see fanon depict Dick as just too stubborn or proud to ask for help, there’s the fact that he actually had very few avenues TO ask for help! As already established, he DID ask Tim for help. Not like Jason was an option at this time, and Dick’s friends weren’t actually just sitting waiting in the wings and groaning about the fact that Dick was trying to do all of this solo....nah, they kinda had their own problems, which Dick was all too aware of?

Like the fact that in the wake of Final Crisis, it wasn’t just Bruce that was believed lost. Many other key Leaguers like Martian Manhunter were dead or lost, with others struggling to fill the gaps left in their absence. Cry For Justice happened right after Final Crisis too....that story where Lian was murdered? So it wasn’t like Dick was remotely going to try leaning on Roy when Roy had just lost his freaking DAUGHTER and very much wasn’t handling it well (and not to overshadow Roy’s loss at ALL, but please let’s not act like Dick - who had literally been the person to put a baby Lian in Roy’s arms for the first time and had known that girl for pretty much her entire life - like, it shouldn’t be used to detract from Roy’s loss at all, but it shouldn’t have to, to just acknowledge that Lian’s loss right at this exact time was painful as fuck to Dick, who’d loved his niece like crazy.)

The pattern of compounding, concurrent losses in Dick’s life. I’m just saying. Its there.

And it extends into the New 52 as well, where Forever Evil came right on the heels of Dick losing his circus in THIS continuity to the Joker, just as a way to hurt him in Death of A Family. And with the aftermath of Forever Evil and Dick’s own literal death, being like....the complete loss of Dick’s entire life, even though he was revived quickly. That didn’t mean he got to live HIS life though, since Dick Grayson was believed dead and he was told had to remain so, so its like fuck whatever he actually wanted to do as he went about on the Spyral mission aka something that pinched his own sense of morality and personal agenda at every turn and was kinda the last thing a therapist would recommend for a trauma recovery period, lol. And like, for all the focus that was paid to how Dick’s family were hurt because they believed they’d lost him when he was actually alive, let’s not forget that for all intents and purposes, Dick DID lose his family in the wake of his resurrection because he was flat out told over and over that due to what ‘he’d LET happen to him’ he was an ACTIVE danger to them, and thus wasn’t allowed by Bruce to contact any of them or lean on them to any degree, until Bruce got amnesia and stopped blocking Dick’s pleas to return home by just not being there to pick up the secret phone line at all. 

(And omg, the obliviousness that just EMANATES off the hot takes that Dick had a ‘choice’ in all this and he still CHOSE to do what Bruce told him....like. LOLOL, stop being pissy about me bringing up the term abuse apologism when its literal victim blaming to paint the guy who had to be beaten into ‘agreeing’ to the Spyral mission in the immediate wake of the trauma of DYING, all while his father vocally blamed him for his own suffering and the ‘threat’ he now posed to his family, keying directly into the guilt complex Bruce knows damn well is at the core of most of Dick’s motivations.....fucking please. There’s no choice in all that. That’s active emotional, mental and physical abuse aimed at directly manipulating Dick’s actions, delivered by the guy who knows Dick best in the world and whose approval - particularly when Dick is at absolute rock bottom aka Current Location - matters more to Dick than just about anything because his sense of self-worth has more in common with dog shit than actual dog shit does. Or something. Idk. That analogy got away from me. But like. You get it.)

BUT. I. DIE. GRESS. (I guess).

Aaaaaaanyway, so yeah! That repeating pattern throughout Dick’s life of ‘loss? What loss (singular)? My losses only come in groups, lolol, fuuuuuun’ - mmmm. Yeah. So that’s what’s on MY brain right now. Thoughts?

[puppypeter]

These are all dark fics, READ THE TAGS before reading the fics. It is your responsibility to check whether what you are about to read is something that you can stomach. While most of these fics are based around trauma, recovery etc many feature triggering scenes or flashbacks as well as darker themes. Please be safe and don’t read them if they can be triggering for you! Proceed with caution! Most of them are Hydra Trash, but still not just the ugly bits as I like there to be a plot. Hiding them below the cut:

between scylla and charybdis | 21590 words

Sam Wilson has been witness to a lot of things he wishes he could unsee. Civilian families shot dead in their cars because of miscommunications at checkpoints. Riley’s body spiralling to the ground in a smoke-plumed plummet. His own face in his bathroom mirror after waking up hung-over as hell at two in the afternoon, the day after the anniversary of Riley’s death, year after year after year.

And now, in an abandoned bunker on the outskirts of Boston, a seemingly unremarkable manila folder at the bottom of a filing cabinet.

Berceuse | 10730 words

There are strange, new things Bucky needs from Steve.

Dreamers Often Lie | 11040 words

As far as Bucky remembers, sex is something that is painful and terrifying if you wake up while it's happening. As the Asset, sleeping through sex was a rare treat. When Steve lets Bucky know he's interested in a sexual relationship, what Steve doesn't know is that they have fundamentally different ideas of what that entails.

despite the threatening sky and the shuddering earth (they remained) | 71532 words

“They really didn’t want the mask to come off.” Hill thumbed through the scans, and pulled out a film that she then handed over to Sam, face mostly expressionless but for the flat line of her pursed lips.

Sam accepted the film and held it up to the light, angling so both he and Steve could see it, squinting at the outline of the Winter Soldier’s skull, and the blips of unnatural white that showed up, God, in his brain, not to mention about half his teeth, plus the mask, with its thin protrusions—

“Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.”

Hill’s face was as unmoved as ever. “Like I said. They really didn’t want it coming off.”

Fire And Water For Your Love | 77084 words

When the Avengers investigate an abandoned HYDRA base on behalf of S.H.I.E.L.D., they unexpectedly encounter a dark-haired man with a torn metal arm, who leads them to an even more shocking discovery deeper inside the base. The Avengers must reconcile what they have found with the lies S.H.I.E.L.D. has been telling for decades.

Give An Inch | 5070 words

The Captain has a warm smile and clear, open eyes. The Soldier knows these are tricks. He's fallen for them before and he won't do it again.

Humans As Gods | 4818 words

"HYDRA's scientists had been delighted to find their serum-reversal procedure had worked. Their jubilation was dampened by the discovery that Steve's smaller self might no longer be Captain America-sized but was still 100% Steve Rogers, and Steve Rogers was now mad enough to spit nails. A minor oversight in the design of the containment area meant that smaller-Steve had simply wriggled out of the now ridiculously-oversized restraints like an angry ferret escaping a paper bag, and punched the nearest technician in the nuts.

Chaos ensued."

HYDRA scientists successfully de-serum Captain America, only to discover that they are utterly unprepared for Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier follows his instructions to the letter. This works out just great.

The Only One That Needs To Know | 6571 words

Bucky can't control his body. He can only control what secrets he keeps.

I Was Wearing My Blue Coat | 11503 words

Following exposure of his past as the Winter Soldier, anonymous postings of explicit video footage, 63 charges of murder and the wrath of the Internet, James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes finally steps into the limelight and tells his story to Zenat Patel of the New York Times.

Compliance Will Be Rewarded | 4767 words

Someone told him once: "Compliance will be rewarded," and he remembers pressing his head against a man’s leg in open supplication. He remembers hands in his hair, and a gentle grip on the back of his neck. He remembers a man telling him "so good, so good for me aren't you?" And he remembers nodding his head in a desperate attempt to be exactly as good as he was supposed to be.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Bucky Barnes is physically free from Hydra, but the hold on his mind lingers still. All he wants is to go home, and he'll do anything he can to get there.

To Burn Your Kingdom Down | 12370 words

The Avengers go after a Hydra splinter cell with a nasty habit of brutalizing their prisoners. Steve has some ugly history with them, and when a rescue mission gone wrong leaves him and Sam in enemy hands, the situation gets uglier still.

Worth The Wound | 7709 words

The asset knows that maintenance is better than punishment. But with Steve, maintenance becomes more pleasant, soft and gentle and everything he could dream of. It was only natural that he decided to prolong that maintenance a little longer.

The Spaces In-Between | 6971 words | Part 1 of What We Tried So Hard To Hide Away

"Memories are like buckets of water: they weigh on the heart and the brain until the body fails. You're blessed to stay forgetful and young, Soldier."

Sometimes blessings feel like curses.

Illuminate The Scene | 7086 words | Part 2 of What We Tried So Hard To Hide Away

The doctors had wanted to keep the Soldier. Shock him and freeze him until he was fixed, or tear him to scrap if he couldn’t be repaired so that he wouldn’t be an entirely wasted investment. Steve is the only thing stopping them.

When the Soldier can't trust his own body, how can he trust anything?

All These Riots Of Broken Sound | 83790 words | Part 1 of Forever Is A Close And Honest Friend

When Steve and the team return to Avengers tower to find Bucky gone, they must venture into B.A.R.F. to figure out what triggered him to leave and hunt those who wronged him. Trapped in a simulation of Bucky's worst memories with rogue HYDRA agents waiting to strike, 100 years of secrets, lies, pain and love drive the team to their limit and push Steve towards a realisation that is a century in the making.

I Was Lost But Left A Trace | 3585 words | Part 2 of Forever Is A Close And Honest Friend

Disorientated, the Asset reached up to wipe at the moisture on its cheeks and was shocked to find it clear, instead of the crimson it has been expecting. It didn’t understand why this misidentification had caused uproarious laughter from the technicians.

“It is not blood,” the Asset told him, “but it is still a malfunction.”

This sobered the technician a little, and he nodded tightly.

“Yes. It is. But we will fix you.”

I’ll Always Be Blamed For The Sun Going Down | 9907 words | Part 3 of Forever Is A Close And Honest Friend

He knows he’s in the right place. He has heard the guys at the docks laugh and joke about the queers who come out after dark, looking to earn a little extra cash. He has seen the johns, when he’s been out late enough, skulking in the shadows like predators hunting for their next meal, looking for something in particular. Sometimes they look at him.

A small, rusty pen knife that his father had picked up in Europe during the Great War sits heavy in the breast pocket of his jacket. Just in case.

Book Of The Moon | 16019 words | Part 4 of Forever Is A Close And Honest Friend

In 1929, Bucky Barnes falls in love for the first time and resigns himself to never telling a soul, let alone Steve, the object of his affections. In 1943, half a world away from the man he can never have and fighting for his life and his sanity, something new begins to bloom.

Habeas Corpus | 18054 words

An unexpected incident in the field leaves Steve Rogers facing the infiltration of a Hydra base and retrieval of important intelligence, all while pretending to be the Winter Soldier. Unfortunately, there are important aspects of the Soldier's past that Bucky hasn't disclosed, and Steve has no idea what he's really walking into.

Bullies | 14979 words

Written for the MCU trash meme prompt:

I wanna see Steve being messed with by his secretly-HYDRA coworker buddies. I want them generally fucking with him, "accidentally" doing terrible things to him or getting Steve into awful situations, telling jokes that aren't really jokes, gaslighting, performing sexual-assault hazing under the guise that "that's what people do now," pressuring him into other sex shit, anything, just fuck Steve up.

Steve isn't failing to fully catch on because he's dumb or oblivious: it's just that he is Steve, so he wants to believe the best of everybody, and he doesn't want to believe that he could be working for/with bullies and that (as Natasha says) he essentially died for nothing.

Not Unwanted, Not Unloved | 50320 words

They'd resigned themselves to never becoming parents - until Bucky gets pregnant and drops off the grid without even a whisper to his mate about his condition. Steve will still raze the earth to find him, but that doesn't mean he likes what he finds.

The Tones That Tremble Down Your Spine | 13889 words

Tony tells him they’re planning a party for Steve’s birthday. He knows how parties are supposed to go.

Lacuna | 62875 words

The Winter Soldier doesn't remember Steve Rogers, but he needs Rogers' help.

OR: The one where Bucky doesn't remember Steve, but falls in love with him anyway.

Not A Perfect Soldier | 93354 words

In a world where HYDRA was wiped out in the '40s, Steve is found by the Army rather than SHIELD. General Thaddeus Ross wants a perfectly obedient super-soldier at his command, and to that end, he sets out to break Steve to his will. As Steve struggles to come to terms with all he has lost, his life in captivity is only made bearable by the presence of another prisoner-- another super-soldier known only as "Soldat". Then the Avengers strike a deal with Ross to "borrow" him for missions, and Steve is faced with a team who dislikes him, an organization he doesn't trust, and the question of what he's willing to do to escape Ross's clutches.

For Want Of Him | 103174 words

It's the twenty-first century, and Steve Rogers has never been more alone. Everything he knew, everyone he loved, is now gone, and a dark, bitter loneliness claws at him, raking bleeding gashes into his heart. And then there's Brock Rumlow. Rumlow is like salt in his wounds; vicious, and cruel. But his dark brown hair and teasing smirk reminds Steve of someone long dead, and his New York accent sounds like home...He's a soldier like him...he understands. And Steve makes the fatal mistake of trusting him.

The Same Measure | 4943 words

The Winter Soldier was never allowed to stop unless an injury was too grievous.

To Be Unmade | 5114 words | Part 1 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

For the asset, things only ever get worse. The external scars fade quickly enough. The internal ones dig deeper and deeper.

But the internal scars are called love, and doesn't that make them worth the hurt?

Do Not Put In The Icebox | 7143 words | Part 2 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

When the asset malfunctions on a mission, Rumlow and Rollins learn more than they ever wanted to know about Pierce's hobbies.

And then everyone has pancakes.

The Knowing Makes It Worse | 4130 words | Part 3 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

No is a bad word and invites punishment.

Or, Alexander Pierce is a very bad man who delights in manipulating and degrading the asset.

Love Is For Children | 5303 words | Part 4 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

Bucky understands how the game works. He can't understand why it makes Steve cry.

But Natasha and the other Avengers are there to help.

I Just Wanted To Be Sure Of You | 4461 words | Part 5 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

Bucky has Bucky Bear; it's only fair for Natasha to have something of her own.

Visiting a toy store wasn't strictly necessary, but if Tony wants to throw money around, no one's going to complain.

“Till The End Of The Line | 6069 words | Part 6 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

It's hard to take a friendship right back up when so much has changed over seventy years.

Particularly when HYDRA's conditioning resurfaces.

*if you feel that any of these fics shouldn’t be in this list please just send me a message! :) I have read them all but over the past 1+ years so some of them I might not remember all the details of :)

#HTP #hydra trash party #dark fics #recovery fics #but with A LOT of trigger warnings #puppy peter fic recs #don't like don't read #hydra angst #bucky angst #bucky whump #MIND THE TAGS!!!

[weasleylangs]

in the summer sun - f.w

Pairing: Fred x Fem!Reader but honestly it’s just a whole Weasley family slice of life fic. Summary: The war has ended and the Weasley’s appreciate their family now more than ever. Warnings: Mention of the war, mention of Fred having a near death experience, mention of PTSD, anxiety, nightmares and injuries, opening scene involves an anxiety attack, fuck is said twice by the way. Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: This fic is inspired by this ask I received from Kai @weasleyclaw for the ‘send me a made up title game’! The warnings sound scary, but I promise this is a super fluffy slice-of-life fic with Fred and the reader, just existing after the war! Fred lives, obviously but he still had an accident and in reality, he’d be going through a lot of shit and I didn’t want to ignore that!

I am in no way romanticising mental illness and trauma, I myself struggle with a variety of mental illness and trauma and representation is super important, babey!!!!!! Proper support is important!!!!!!

I still can’t decide if I love or hate this but.... [schedules while I’m asleep]

----------------------

Fred sat up quickly. Heavy and ragged breathing coursing through his lungs as he struggled to catch his breath. He couldn’t even remember what he was dreaming of now that he’s awake, only remembering flashes of green and a loud ‘bombarda maxima’ before being shocked awake by his anxiety and fear.

He’s been plagued by nightmares for three months, ever since he was fighting in that seventh floor corridor and the wall came crashing down on him. He knows it’s normal to be haunted by these memories, he almost died, for crying out loud, but he would really like to have one night where he sleeps through it without being jolted awake. 

He could feel the pressure in his chest get stronger as he struggled to breathe as he checked the clock on the bedside table. It reads 6:30am and when he looks out the window he realises the sun is already rising and the summer heat is making it into their bedroom. His girlfriend of five years sleeps in the bed next to him, snoring lightly having not been woken up by his oncoming anxiety attack.

Fred struggles to remember the grounding technique she taught him when he had his first attack. She’s his biggest supporter, always there when he needs her, but he wants to get better himself . He doesn't want to rely on her for the rest of his days no matter how often she reminds him it’s okay and that she wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.

He’s got his legs swung over the side of the bed, his body closing in on himself when he feels the bed move and arms wrap around his middle, “Breathe, Freddie, and tell me five things you can see,” she whispers gently in his ear.

His eyes darts around the room, searching as he tries his best to breathe, “The tree outside our window, the lamp, that chair,” he struggles to speak as his breathing is laboured, “your book on my bedside table, my slippers…”

“Good job, my love. Now, four things you can touch.”

His hands grab hers, “Your hands,” he says as he turns to face her, “the duvet, my shirt and…” His hand moves, from her hand to cupping her face, “your hair.” 

This continues, Fred rattling off three things he can hear, two things he can smell and one thing he can taste before he realises his breathing has slowed down, his hands have stopped shaking and while the pressure in his chest is still there, it’s been alleviated and he knows it’ll disappear in a few moments. 

Y/N whispers soft praise in Fred’s ear as she lays him back down in their bed. She’s so proud of the progress he has made in just a short few months. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

He shakes his head, while he barely remembers, he knows it’s the same nightmare as usual. Hogwarts, duelling, wall comes crashing down and Fred almost dies. It’s more of a flashback if anything, that he’s constantly reliving the worst day of his life.

“That’s okay, we can just lay here and rest before we go to your mum and dad’s… If you still feel up to going?” Y/N knows when nights like this happen, Fred usually wants to stay in bed and recoup his energy and try again the next day. 

“No, no, we have to go,” he says and it’s not because it’s an obligation, he truly does want to. After almost dying, after spending almost a year without knowing if Ron, Harry and Hermione were okay, after Bellatrix Lestrange threatened to kill both Ginny and his own mother and with Percy reconnecting with them all, he appreciates family time like he never did before. They all deserve to have happy, carefree and relaxing days and that’s what today is meant to be for them all.

“If you’re sure, my love,” she whispers, pressing a soft kiss to his neck. Fred probably won't fall back asleep, the sun has risen and while he won’t admit it, he’s too scared to try and sleep again. But he doesn’t mind, he’s perfectly content having Y/N fall back asleep in his arms and sometimes, rarely but sometimes, her soft snores lulls Fred into a light, undisturbed sleep.

-

It’s lunch time by the time Fred and Y/N apparate to The Burrow. Fred’s still recovering physically from his injuries - having your entire body crushed by rubble does that to you, so he happily side-along apparates with Y/N instead of solo floo’ing places. 

When they walk into the house, they’re met with a chorus of hello’s and Molly dragging Fred into a hug and kisses his cheeks repeatedly, and then continues to complain that he has no meat on his bones and that he needs to be eating more while shoving a muffin into his hand. 

George is snickering by the table because someone who isn’t himself is finally being on the receiving end of his mothers affection and he has Angelina Johnson awkwardly beside him. When Y/N raises her eyebrows at him, he mouths a ‘I’ll explain later’ before winking and walking Angelina over to her. 

“Hey, Angie,” she says, pulling the girl into a hug. While they were never close at school, considering Y/N wasn’t a Gryffindor, they still got along when the time arose, “didn’t know my little Georgie here got himself a bird.” 

George groans at the fact Y/N completely ignored him and Angelina blushes as she tries to hide her face behind her hair, but Y/N can see that she’s smiling and not at all bothered by the teasing, “Hey, I’m only teasing, come here!” she says as she pulls the embarrassed girl into a tight embrace. While Y/N drops the subject of Angelina and George finally getting their lives together and dating after years of pining, George knows Y/N is going to corner him later and get the answers out of him.

Hermione and Ginny quickly run down the stairs and grab Y/N, pulling her into a hug as well. Soon enough, the entire family is trying to squeeze inside the living room - including Bill and Fleur who always turn up for the Weasley get together and even Charlie has taken extended leave from his job in Romania to stay and spend the summer with everyone. 

Because of the overcrowding, Ron whistles loudly, grabbing everyone’s attention, “Who wants to play a game of quidditch and let mum have some peace and quiet?” Immediately Harry, the twins, Angelina and Charlie are out the door, already fighting about teams and position. Y/N briefly hears Harry whine ‘I want to be on Charlie’s team but he plays seeker’ as their voices fade. Ginny stays back, wanting to catch up with Y/N for a bit and promises to join everyone later.

Fred loves nothing more than spending time with his siblings. Growing up as a twin, he’s had someone constantly by his side, but he loves his huge family more than anything. George and he spend 5 minutes fighting over who gets to be beater until they just decide they’ll just be on different teams before they realise they don’t have enough siblings for a full team anyway, meaning the beaters are out of the equation.

This causes the twins to just start jokingly fighting over who plays chaser before Ron and Harry has to break it up so they can actually play. 

Fred adores flying. His hair has been growing out and the wind through it as he flies is one of the best feelings in the world, he thinks. It makes him forget all his worries, his only focus is snatching the quaffle out of George’s slimy grip and getting it past Charlie, who’s playing both keeper and seeker for the other team to make up for the lack of players.

“Oi, Ickle Ronnikins,” he calls out from his broom, wobbling slightly as he yells to get his brother’s attention, “mind paying attention to the match and not your girlfriend? George is getting every shot in, mate,” He’s teasing of course. They can see the girls through the window and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t sneaking glances at Y/N.

Meanwhile, the three girls sit at the kitchen table chatting amongst themselves and Bill and Fleur are outside in the garden when Percy and his girlfriend turn up. There’s tension in the air, there always is when Percy turns up. It’s not that no one wants him there, but given his history of being a ‘right prat’ (Fred’s words), everyone is cautious. 

But he goes right up to Molly, pulling her into an embrace and kissing her on the cheek and then turns to his dad and gives him a hug. 

“Hey Gin, Y/N, Hermione,” he gives them a curt nod as they say hello back before pulling the girl beside him closer, “this is Audrey, my girlfriend. Do you guys mind hanging with her while I go find the boys?"

The girls, of course, nod. “How long have you and Percy been together for?” Y/N asks as the girl sits and she hopes she isn’t coming off rude. She’s been with Fred for five years and never met Audrey and Hermione’s been in the Weasley’s lives for even longer, so it’s clearly a recent development. 

“Around this time last year… With everything going on and Percy not being on speaking terms with everyone, we haven’t really had the chance to meet…” she trails off and Y/N senses the awkward tension rising, so she grabs Audrey’s hand in a reassuring matter.

“Don’t stress about that. You’re here now and you’re family,” while Y/N isn’t officially a Weasley, her and Fred have spoken about their future together on numerous occasions so she doesn’t feel like she’s speaking out of turn offering ‘Weasley Family Status’ to Audrey, “I’m Y/N, Fred’s girlfriend.” 

“And I’m Hermione, Ron’s girlfriend,” Hermione adds and before Ginny even speaks, Y/N interrupts her, “You’re obviously a Weasley, Gin,” and the girls all start giggling.

“I’m Ginny, Harry’s girlfriend!” she exclaims proudly when all the girls finally calm down and it only sets them off again.

What the girls don’t notice is that Molly’s watching them, with a smile on her face. She’s always wanted daughters - she loves Ginny and she loves every single one of her sons, but she wishes she had been able to give her a sister. But watching the scene unfold in front of her, how these girls welcome Audrey so easily into their lives, Molly’s eyes well with tears as she realises she has the most wonderful daughter and future daughter-in-laws a woman could ask for. 

“How’s Fred doing?” Ginny asks. Of course, everyone’s suffered from the war, but everyone is constantly concerned about Fred. 

“Between seeing his psychologist and his physical therapy appointments, he’s doing really good,” she says, looking out the window and she laughs as she sees Fred holding Ron in a headlock, shouting something about how rusty he is at keeper, “there’s days it’s hard, and he has really bad nightmares sometimes, and there's days where they make him not want to leave the house but he had one this morning and was determined to get here today. I’m really proud of him.” 

Molly rubs Y/N on the shoulders, almost like a thank you for being there for Fred through it all as she places muffins in front of all the girls and takes her own seat. She takes a moment to scold Arthur for trying to repair the muggle radio playing he’s stolen from work before joining in on the girls’ conversation as they eat. 

The sweet moment is interrupted by a voice that is clearly Percy’s shouting and both Y/N and Audrey’s automatic assumption is that the worst has happened. Especially when Y/N hears the familiar voice of her boyfriend shouting incoherently. 

All the girls rush out the door, expecting to break up a fight but that isn’t what’s happening. Instead, Fred has Percy on the ground, rolling around in dirt and they’re both laughing . Molly has to excuse herself, tears welling in her eyes at the sight of Percy being accepted by his brother. 

“What’s going on here?” Audrey questions. It’s clear she’s still weary, worried that at a moment's notice, Percy’s siblings will turn on him and forget his apology. Fred looks up, winking at Y/N before looking at Audrey and flashes her a cheeky smirk, “Perce said I suck at quidditch.” 

Everyone rolls their eyes at this as Y/N grabs Fred’s hand and pulls him up. She lives with him, so one would think that the time spent apart at The Burrow is no big deal, but secretly Y/N has always been super clingy, wanting to always have Fred in her sights, and it's only worsened now they live together.

“Hi Freddie,” she giggles, tucking herself close to his side despite the summer heat blasting down on them, “I miss you.” she whispers.

Fred lets out a cackle of a laugh, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and leading her to the tree they always sit under as he tells Ginny to take his spot on their makeshift quidditch team. Secretly, he was hoping to get away from the game because he needs a break and maybe an attempted nap under the tree. 

He settles down first, stretching his legs out as he leans against the trunk and then he pulls Y/N down to sit between them and to rest her back against his chest. This has always been their favourite way to cuddle.

“What’s the go with George and Angie? I knew they were going on dates but...” Fred asks, and Y/N shrugs. “He just said he’d fill me in later so I’m still waiting. But she’s at family day, so it must be getting serious.” Fred hums behind her, resting his chin on top of his head as he watches his family on the makeshift field in front of them fight over quidditch rules. George is trying to teach Percy fake rules and Ginny’s smacking him over the head as he laughs at the confused expression on Percy’s face. 

To their right, Arthur’s got the radio working and he’s charmed it to blast 80s muggle music loudly for the entire family to hear. Bill’s dragged Fleur to dance around with him and Arthur’s trying to get Molly to join them. Charlie’s sitting with Audrey and Hermione, probably droning on about dragons as usual and the girls listen intently, gasping when appropriate. 

“What are you thinking about?” Y/N asks. Fred is never this quiet, usually speaking every single thought that comes to his mind without any sort of filter. It’s gotten him in trouble a fair few times, from both his mother and Y/N. 

“I’m just happy,” he says quietly, tucking his head into her neck, and Y/N doesn’t miss the crack in his voice, “I’m so happy I’m here with everyone.” She shuffles in her spot so she can sit and face Fred and he can’t meet her eyes because his own are welling with tears.

“Don’t hide, my love, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” she coos as she cups his cheeks in her hands. He leans into her touch and smiles as he sniffles. 

“I know, it’s just…” He trails off and Y/N knows what he’s going to say. He almost wasn’t here and that thought haunts the both of them more often than they’d like to admit. “I know, but that doesn’t matter, because you’re here , and I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am you are,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to his cheeks.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” he says and Y/N’s heart swells. Marriage and lots of ginger babies has always been in their life plan, but hearing Fred say it, so, so vulnerably, almost brings her to tears. “Forever, Freddie, you promised,” she replies and he leans forward and presses a soft kiss on her lips. 

He’s always promised. He promised forever when they were 16 and they’d only been together for a year as they danced at the Yule Ball until 12am. At 17, when he admitted he wouldn’t be finish the school year. He promised once again at 18, before he flew out of Hogwarts with George. At 19, straight after George had his ear cursed off and he was sick with fear because the war was real and happening.

At 20, they were fighting in their school and he’d promised, ‘We're surviving this fucking thing and I’m marrying you as soon as I can.’ 

They pull apart and Y/N is smiling at him, adoration filled in her eyes as Fred feels around in his shorts, clearly trying to grab something. When he pulls it out, Y/N’s eyes catch the small, velvet black box and while she doesn’t want to get her hopes up, her heart is racing.

“I’ve been carrying this everyday, waiting for the perfect time,” he chuckles, shaking his head. You’d think Fred Weasley would have a huge and bizarre proposal, most likely with fireworks and dancing gnomes somehow, but in reality, this is perfect. He’s surrounded by his loved ones, there’s no war and he wants nothing more than to officially make Y/N a Weasley. 

“Is that now, Freddie?” she says and he nods, smiling. Y/N thinks he’s never looked happier in his life. He knows what her answer will be so he doesn’t feel the slightest bit nervous.

“I promised you, we're surviving the war and I’m fucking marrying you as soon as I can, so here I am,” he pops the box open and Y/N gasps. It’s nothing extravagant but she doesn’t mind. Small and classy, just like she’d always wanted and she doesn’t even realise she’s crying until Fred’s hand wipes her tears with his free hand, “Will you marry me?” 

She barely gives an answer, nodding her head violently as she wraps her arms around his neck and presses her lips to his. Their teeth clash and they both laugh at Fred not being prepared to be jumped before getting a verbal response. Y/N pulls away and puts out her left hand, “Of course I’ll marry you.” 

He slides the ring on her finger and it’s a perfect fit. They continue to sit in front of the tree, watching their family but Y/N constantly catches herself looking at the diamond ring sparkling in the sun and she’s decided she’s never been happier as well.

Everything is perfect, because it’s the calm after a very, very long storm and she’s never taking family for granted again.

#fred wealsey fanfiction #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley one shot #fred weasley

[popculturebuffet]

Amphiba: True Colors Review or FINALLY THE  FINALE

We’re finally here all you happy people! Ten Months, 36 episodes, 20 half hours, a lot of gay subtext, a lot of bloodshed, and a lot of build up have lead us all here! One absolutely STUFFED finale: A trust is betrayed, a rebllion is had, a conquerer rises and NOTHING will ever be the same.. and yes htat’s thrown around a lot but this is one of those times where NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. This is that kind of finale folks. 

But before I can get into all the juicy stuff you’ve been waiting for there’s a few things to discuss.. and the first is obviously the fact we had to wait three goddamn extra weeks to get here after spending all season leading up to this. 

You all know the story by now. Hell I even angirly ranted about it when it happened and rightfully so. But frankly the colossal delay is going to be such an integral and permeant part of this episode and this show’s history that not talking about it in this review would do it a diservice: So to recap: The finale was posted to air  May 1st, a weak after “The Dinner/Battle of the Bands”. I had it set in my schedule, it showed up in that month’s press release of Disney Channel Episodes, We were all ready to go with all the tight and intense build up leading up to this. 

Then the worst happened and Disney aburbtly, and with a funny face image trying to play it off as a joke annoucned via it’s animation twitter the episode would be delayed. Now in fairness to the twitter person there, they were PROBABLY trying to help massage a blow... but seriously dude, read the room next time.  Thankfully creator Matt Braly stepped in and explained it was technical delays. After what happened the next day I ASSUMED he was just trying to cover for them as it would turn out the episode was finished.. turns out, and I had to edit the review to reflect this the truth was somewhere in the middle. Edits were more discussed, likely due to the episodes very violent nature, and the episode was given a content warning. Given what happens.. I can’t blame Disney for wanting one or for thinking of editing it.. but canblamehtem for the “Things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY’ nature of the edist and the insuing delay. 

I can also blame them for leaking the episode on ITUNES. Yeah if they were REALLY concenred abotu content then they would’ve held off longer and not brought this up five minutes before it aired, delaying the episode for many. Hell I DEFENEDED them in the original version of this, but they had MONTHS of this episode being in production to fucking say something. WHy do this five mintues before it’s finished? 

It just smacks of laziness and overly panicy stuff. A content warning would’ve been FINE. You ahve it for racisim on Disney Plus, just put one here and call it a day. You haven’t objected to the horrifying content in the series up to this point why start NOW.  And they STILL never apologized. For any of this. For the leak, for the delay, never properly explaining the delay (Matt didn’t either.. but given how twitchy comapnies can be about what their creators say, I can’t blame him for not wanting to clarify it was a post credit’s thing till closer to airtime), just in general not giving a shit abotu the kids or adults watching this. Just because kids watch thiis dosen’t me older kids don’t have social media, and it dosen’t mean teens don’t. If you want to pretend us adults watching this don’t exist.. fine. It sucks but I can’t do anything. But do not do this shit to kids and then not go to them. And again Matt could’ve.. but it’s not his fucking job. His job is to make a show, help make sure it gets to air and be a sweeheart. YOURS is to make sure things run smoothly and when their is a hickup,get your house in order. 

Matt shoudln’t of HAD to beg people not to watch it. Various va’s for the show shoudln’t of HAD to record funny messages.. it was appricated but it’s not thier job to prevent this from spreading. It’s yours. It’s yours to open your damn eyes and see adults and older teens watch this stuff too and to head that shit off. This incident is going to stick in my craw for god knows how long and ALMOST convinced me not to cover Owl House weekly (I still woud’ve likely done a review on each half of the season). I ended up renegeing on that and will be starting regular coverage of that in June and continuing coverage of this show whenever it returns.. but it was close. 

And it’s ultimately YOU GUYS that kept me hanging in there. It was thanks to a Disney show this blog exists in the first place, and contiunes to get the bulk of it’s viewers. It’s how I got my patreon, biggest fan and bfinacial backer Kev. I’ts why I can do what I love, talking about and analyzing stuff I enjoy and ocasionally loathe. You guys came back week after week for my ducktales reviews and stayed for Amphibia. I”m sure i’ll get even more for Owl House. It’s thanks to all of you I can keep going despite the hardships, the lack of patreons, the long nights, the weird sleep schedules. I wouldn’t of made it through 20 weeks of awesome tv without you. So for you, and for myself, i’ll hang in there but I expect better Disney. And i’m damn well gonna get it. So join me under the cut as the world turns upside down.. and there are a LOT of spoilers. Seriously if you want to wait for the tv airing do not go under the cut

So we open with a flashback to 8 months ago, the day all this began: Marcy was working in the library on her cram classes, getting texts from both Sasha, who was excited about Anne’s birthday, and her own father who wants her to come home right away as there’s something important they need to discuss. 

But before she can a book about the strange and what not naturally slips out and Mar-Mar can’t help but thumb through it.. and as you were no doubt dreading.. finds the box which is said in a large tv friendly caption to lead to other worlds. 

Naturally Marcie is intrigued and snaps a pick and heads home... and we cut to the END of that conversation as she tearfully runs out of the house , refusing to accept what they’ve told her and her dad coming off hella unsympathetic with his overly harsh tone, especially since we DO find out what he told her... and it’s a lot to put on her and a lot to just say “accept because I helped make you for all of two unsatisfying minutes. “ 

So while running away she passes the box.. and sets the events from both the show’s opening and the flashback from the last finale in motion. Marcy sent them here on purpose.

Yeah needless to say I DIDN’T see this coming. And it seems obvious in hindsight: Marcy being the one most desperate to keep thier friendship together, as we’ll see at it’s worst through this episode, her barely mentioning going home, and most tellingly the only things she talks about from earth were Anne, Sasha and her dorky intrests. All the things closest to the heart and that she’s most likely to make out with.. but while Anne brings up earth stuff every so often even after getting more screen time in Season 2b... Marcy NEVER talks about that kind of stuff. She has her girlfriends and a real life fantasy novel right here... but she DOSEN’T miss her parents or earth itself. And given her life was already shown to be as an outcast with only two people carring about her, three with her mom now we know, who never REALLY fit in and whose on friends very clearly didn’t share her intrests.. it probably made it all the more tempting: a real adventure, an escape from her problems, and a way to start over: become who she always PLAYED and not who she was. Everything just.. snaps into place with this revelation and makes Marcy an all the more heartbreaking character... even more so soon enough when we find out what her overall plan was. 

But that’s half an episode away: for now our party returns on Joe to Newtopia.. though clumsly. Marcy admits that they probably can’t fit more people on him. But with this our heroes are ready to finish this story and with a plan since obviously they can’t just walk into town with two wanted crminals: Marcy will present the box and THEN sasha and grime, who will cloak themselves to avoid attracting attentions, with literal cloaks Marcy hasn’t made a cloaking device yet, so hopefully they’ll get a pardon. 

Inside Sprig and Anne talk, with Sprig admitnig he’s sad this is the last adventure.. but Anne has hope. After all they have a way home now and that portal goes both ways. She can hop back any time and vice versa. This sin’t goodbye.. it’s just goodbye for now. And i’ts something I genuinely didn’t think of.. and not just because Andrias’ shady actions and Sasha and Grime’s machinations meant this was NEVER going to end well. 

Speaking of Sasha and Grime’s machinations those come to a head: As our heroes enter the castle, greeted by Lady Olivia, and we get our typical end of the RPG speech from the “Good” king.... Sasha swipes the box and Grime uses the hammer to knock everyone off ballance. The coup the two have been cooking up has come to pass. 

Anne and Marcy’s reactions.. are telling: Anne is utterly pissed at the betryal and done with Sasha and Marcy is begging both sides to stop as this was not how it was supposed to end. Sasha tries to use a box as a baranging chip, and plans to destroy it if Andrias dosen’t surrender despite destroying her way home. Given it’s implied her home life isn’t great either and she gets to rule an empire instead of a school, it’s easy to see why. 

Grime stops him from calling her bluff though by wacking him in the shins and then hodling him at hammer point to get the military of Newtopia to stand down while his covert Toad agents reveal themselves and runamuck. Grime has won. 

Anne meanwhile is livid, with Sasha not quite getting why MAYBE Anne would once again feel betrayed that once again Sasha is trying to do everything her way and once again lied to her and harmed innocent people. Anne breaks off their friendship which deeply uspets Marcy.. who weirldy. ISN’T trying to talk Sasha out of this. After all she gets what she wanted anyway. She IS upset when Sasha tries to send them home for defiance.. but the box dosen’t work for her and she simply has the guards escort our heroes and Olivia out till she can figure this out. 

Naturally though Anne, being pissed, heartbroken and pissed, and yes that was indeed intentional, HEADBUTTS the nearest guard and breaks them out, with the planatrs starting to fight back. Their still outnumbered.. but help arrives 

Or rather the Amphibia equilvent as both wolverines are busy with prep for the Hellfire Gala. Yes it’s General Yunan, who Lady Olivia cuts off probably not for the first time. Your lucky that’s one of her turn on’s lady.

So our heroes sneak out and head to Sals, while the Toads wreck up the town. Marcy... is of course desperate to fix things, but figures it’s easy. All they have to do is free the king, stop the rest of the army from arriving, their an hour away, and cementing grime’s foothold, get her girlfriends to reconcile and fix the inherent power imbalance so a rebellion doesn’t’ happen again. 

But Anne rouses them: They may be a goofus, a quick witted kid, an out of touch old man, a literal baby, am etaphorical baby, and a nerd.. but their a BADASS Goofus, kid, old man, babies and nerd... and two other ladies the toads actually know and respect. They’ve fought worse: Canibals, princess bride references, theater bandits, chicken elder gods, Poly’s addiction to angry mobs and paste pot pete and come back stronger each time. They can do this. They might only be 8 strangers, but together they can fuck up this shit. or to have a previously mentioned buddy of mine sum it up

So with that it’s time to split up gang: Marcy, Hop Pop and Olivia will go free the king using Hop Pop’s acting skills...which actually works despite Olvia’s doubts. Polly, Yunan and Frobo will put the hammer down and give them hell, taking out the toads in the city and drawing all of them away from the gate where Spriganne will trigger it thus saving the day. 

Meanwhile Sasha is feeling discontent. She got everything she wanted.. but she didn’t think about what to DO with all that power. At home she could do all sorts of things ruling a school but now she’s lost one of the loves of her life. Without Anne and Marcy i’ts just empty. Even Grime’s utterly heartfelt gift of an emerald sword, he knew she always wanted to duel wield that has a heron on it, a sign of how they met and a truly sweet gesture can’t cheer her up. So Grime suggests redecorating and the first thing to go is a sappy mural of Andrias and his subjects. What they find UNDER it though is horrifying.. and i’ts surprisingly not a bunch of spiders like you’d expect.. but a mural of Andrius as some sort of horrible king with an army of robot frogs like Frobo, with a LOT of frog, toad and newt skeletons piled up. Sasha and Grime are glad they dodged that bullet.. only to find Anne scaling the tower with Sprig, the two naturally going to stop them.

 The two try and turn the wheel, but can’t as there’s a doorstop... one they DEFINTELY saw earlier when looking out the window of Sal’s.

Regardless they send Polly for that.. and the rematch begins. Sasha TRIES talking to Anne.. but given she stabbed her in the back AGAIN for incredbly petty reasons, that’s not going to work and the two get one hell of a fight. Beautifully animated and rife with emotion as the two clash with Sasha DESPERATLY trying to get Anne to stop for a second and listen and Anne rightly refusing, while we watching know our hero winning will spell DOOM for this world despite her trying to do the right thing. Anna and Brenda’s acting here is just TOP notch. In any other episode this would be the best part of it.. but we’re only getting warmed up.

While they fight, we get a surprising and awesome bout I did not see coming: Sprig Vs Grime. And it gives me Spider-Man vs Kingpin vibes really: A rotund but still far more powerful opponent versus a smaller but quicker one. And that’s how even more shockingly, Sprig comes out the WINNER. While Grime has the hammer and more strength and skill... Sprig has speed and thus gets Grime to whack himself with it. Granted he can’t use the thing and comically spins around afterword.. but it proves Grime’s racist thoughts about frogs wrong and leaves Anne free to turn the wheel once she beats Sasha. The invasion is thwarted.

But naturally given the ooky spooky mural and the other hints of ominous shit like the watcher with a thousand eyes, this isn’t the end. Back at the throne room, with Sasha and Grime as prisoners Anne gives Andrias the box despite sasha begging her not to. But rather than send her home right away.. he has a history lesson for her first. And nothing good ever starts with someone delaying helping you to give a sinister history lesson let me tell you.

We find out the while truth: Amphibia was once a technological empire powered by the box, and prosperity SEEMINGLY reigned, and Andrias, much like our heroines, had two close friends, a toad and a frog. But one day they betrayed him, abandoning him and seemingly stealing the box , leaving his mechanical marvels powerless and Andrias bitter and angry. Hence the whole revenge ploy. 

In an unsurprising and invincible-esque twist, he reveals his ancestors were not explorers but CONQUERERS and he intends to finish their work, placing the box on a pedestal that turns his castle into a flying fortress glowing blue. It only gets worse from there: the castle’s awakening also activates factories around Amphibia similar to the one we saw back in “Fort in the Road” that gave us Frobo and it turns out their dark purpose.. is to create armies of unstoppable soldiers to secure his dominon.... and spread it to the other worlds. The reason he didn’t send the girls home is he figures correctly Anne and the others will try and stop him from TAKING it. 

So yeah Anne’s reaction is very naturally...

And despite being outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered and outplanned she plans to make an all out stand. She realizes that her own fight with Sasha only allowed something FAR WORSE to take hold. She’s not WRONG for fighting her, Sasha was being a shithead taking over and did so for flimsy and selfish reasons and she had no reason to listen to her.. but had she at least thought over giving him the box and not simply given it to him to spite her none of this would be happening. So she and the plantars get ready for round 2, with Sasha having her back this time, and Grime having Sasha’s. It’s a really sweet moment, showing Sasha has realized just how much her own greedy and controlling ambitions have cost her and that she’s brought about something far worse thorugh them, and is ready to make amends and Grime as always ready to stand by the only true family he has. 

But before the carnage can begin.. Marcy stops them... and then tearfully turns to Andrias “This wasn’t our deal!”. Andrias, now not having to play nice, dosen’t care and cruelly points out of course he did: He would’ve said whatever it took to get her to fill the box and she did it. He also hints at Marcy’s dark secret, with both girls wondering what the hell he’s on about.. but clearly starting to piece it together, with Andrias cruelly toying with Marcy to tell them before he does.. and barely gives her any time before going ahead with it anyway, knowing she’d be unable to. And with this we get the best line of the episode and Keith david’s best delivery.. and given he makes a fucking seven course meal of the entire second act, yeah that’s a high bar.

"Did it ever occur to you — Anne, Sasha — that one of you knew more than she was letting on? That one of you might've gotten you stranded in Amphibia... on purpose?"

The line itself hits like a sledgehammer. We knew for the full episode she did this on purpose.. but we also knew at some point it was clearly going to come out and hurt them both.. and to see someone Marcy clearly saw as a better replacement dad, someone she thought cared about her and was offering her her dreams for no gain on his end cruelly tell them clearly for his own amusment as he dosen’t remotely see them as a threat.. it’s utterly chilling as it is heartbreakiing and horrifying. 

Naturally Anne and Sasha are upset, Sasha a bit baffled and Anne just utterly broken by this: She’d already been betrayed TWICE by the other love of her life.. now MARCY had betrayed her.. and WORSE? 

And it only gets worse as Marcy heartbreakingly reveals her motivation and what this was really all about: Her dad announced he got a new job and they were moving a state away.. and like I said he’s a prick. Not for moving, that happens and it sucks but for having no freaking empathy about it. Maybe if he took a parenting class earth wouldn’t be on the cusp of a robot invasion. Marcy was about to loose her girls and was desperate.... so naturally Andrias claimed to simply want to take them all with him on his journeys, obviously leading out the conquest and likely genocide part, so they could go on and on FOREVER. And this whole thing gave Anne the plantars so it’s not all bad right? Right? But it’s clear she’s trying to desperatly lie to herself this was all okay as she’s been doing ever since she started this all 8 months ago and Anne pointing out she misses her family, something Marcy never considered given her own reasons for leaving and how Sasha likely dosen’t have a happy family life herself. 

This.. this is Haley Tju’s finest hour. She’s done good voice work before, especially in this series but here, with Marcy’s anguish, desperation and guilt all leaking out as she tries to get her girlfriend not to turn away from her. it’s all just amazing heartbreaking stuff and I salute her and the animation does her fine acting a service and shows every bit of pain in the poor girls face. 

Anne naturally does turn away a bit and Marcy cries.. but Anne quickly recovers... while she obviously isn’t entirely ready to forgive Marcy JUST yet, it’s clear she wasn’t thinking straight and did all of this out of desperation... and that the hulking dickbag who betrayed them all and is gloating about all of this manipulated her, preying on her desperation and anguish to finish his plan.  Marcy fucked up big time, no question.. but ANDRIAS is the true monster here, and if he’s not stopped this world she’s grown to love and the one she left behind will BURN. Anne may be many things: impulsive, kinda weird, easy to anger.. but she is over all that a HERO. And there’s a villian to stop

Andrias, while not seeing them as remotely a threat, does admit this will probably be fun and the fight begins, with our heroes, including Marcy, easily besting the Obsdian Swarm.. as i’m calling them now. It’s a cools equence.. but ultimately futile. Andrias is FAR more powerful than he’s let on with the box. And shows it off by destroying toad tower before coming at them with a fire sowrd, easily swatting them aside like flies. They try their best to fight back but it’s not much use, and Andrias NEARLY crushes polly to death under his fist. Yes a fucking child. What a dick. 

Frobo saves him... and sadly this is the end for our new friend as Andrias is mildly amused that one of his creations glitched.. then smashes him into robotic paste. Polly rightfully calls him a monster and his response is as chilling as it is wonderfully dickish: “Don’t worry, your next”. 

Thankfully though she got out of the way.. because she has LEGS now. It’s also why I keep saying 8 months, though it’s likely more like 9 given it took a month to get to newtopia: 

The prophecy has come true! And while she stumbles for a second Polly quickly proves she can really move, she has an attitude and she’s the fastest thing alive by grabbing the box seemingly winning.. except Andrias has sprig in his fist and is going to crush or drop him ulness she stops. And despite Sprig BEGGING his sister to let him go for the sake of everyone else, like any good hero she naturally puts the box back. 

Anne begs for him to let Sprig go since he got what he wanted and he’s her best friend in this or any world... but all this does is insprie Andrias to DROP HIM OUT A WINDOW, bitter over his own past and eager to torture her some more. This really shows off who Andrias REALLY is now the mask is off; a sadistic tyrannical bully who relishes in making his victims really squirm, revels in malevolence and is just so damn gleeful about it: Not to say BIll Cipher levels more of a cold, cruel enjoyment of things. 

As I said earlier Keith David makes a motherfucking Seven Course Meal out of the second half of this episode, utterly stealing the show now he can play Andrias as he truly is: not skulng in the shadows with ominus hints he’s evil or pretending to be nice, but instead as a sadistic brute who delights in suffering and wants nothing less than everything under his boothill. in short he’s an AWESOME antagonist and while Keith David has played TREMENDOUS villains before, this one will easily be his best if the writing holds. Andrias is Keith David at his fucking best and proves the Disney legend has EVEYRTHING left in the tank even as he approaches 70′s. Jesus I fucking love this man. 

So this causes anne to retreat into herself, leaving us in a black void as Anne remembers all the good times.. and goes MOTHERFUCKING SUPER SAYIAN. Well more accurately super sayian god super sayian, or blueper sayian if you will, but still i’ts a n utterly striking sequence and a clear direct shout out with Anne getting her powers the same way Goku did: loosing someone to an utterly cruel bastard. Same with Gohan’s upgrade to super sayian 2. It’s just a truly striking sequence as she powers up in a FULL rage, DEMANDNIG he give him back. 

Andrais is stunned, clearly knowing this was something she was capable of but thought she could no longer do as the box shoudlv’e drained her of the ablility, while Hop Pop and Grime wonder if this is a human thing. 

So Anne WAILS on the fucker, easily besting a shocked andrias despite his best attempts.. but she tires out and he swats her aside, gleefully noting she dosen’t know how to control it. Sprig turns out to be okay though. Marcy went and saved him while Anne was rippig Andrias asunder.. and then activates the box. Sasha and Grime hold him off while Anne makes a run for it with the plantars while Andrias gives out your standard villian big no. Anne and Fam make it... but Marcy is taking a sec.. and that second gets her GUTTED. Not an exageration or me being a smart ass like usual.. Andrias RAN HER THROUGH WITH HIS SWORD. 

His only response is “Look what you made me too and Anne and crew are warped away, unable to save her. 

So we end with our heroes landing somewhere and Sprig wondering where they are... where they are is on the top of a car on a busy Los Angeles Freeway... and in front of two very weirded out humans. Anne is home. 

So now for the part that wasn’t in the original release apparently: The teaser.. aka THE MOTHERFUCKING SEASON 3 OPENING. 

Hell. Yes. Just a few quick personal notes before we hit the wrap up: I love how the season will be on earth, a nice change of pace, how the Boonchuy’s have very clearly warmly welcomed the plantars, the expanded cast at the title card, and how Disney just let them go ALL out for this one. They’ve clearly stopped being cheap assholes when it comes to letting intro’s change or at the very least got this was the very end of the series and thus important enough to gussie up. But yes the end is nigh.. and probably not till late this year if this year AT ALL And I will return for it. Well return to doing this show anyway, i’m not going anywhere. They’ll have to pry this blog from my cold dead hands. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is the series best so far. My only honest complaint is the Toad Invasion comes and goes really quickly and I question why it was crammed into half the episode. Don’t get me wrong, Andrias’ rise needed the full 10 minutes, but I question why we dind’t get an episode before this settingit up and THEN have it happen over half an episode, epsecially since we spent an entire episode on getting the other toad barons involved only for ONE of them to show up for all of five minutes. 

Otherwise though? Yeah no notes. The cast is at the top of their damn game, with Brenda Song, Hailey Tju and Keith Motherfucking David as the standouts, the animatoin is likewise, and it pays off a thing or two you wouldn’t expect like the acting episode. This is a truly outstanding finale, one that has now joined other all time faviorite season finales such as “You’re In Control”, “Reunited”, “The Crossroads of Destiny”, and “Moonvasion”. I will be watching this again when it comes to Disney Plus. Masterful stuff.

As for the season as a whole.. this was a great season. While it did start a bit rocky with the road trip arc, which I’m still not a huge fan of as I feel it mostly wasted an awesome idea of them going on a world spanning roadtrip with some fairly weak episodes, with the exception of standouts “Truckstop Polly” and “Wax Museum”. 

But once we got to Netwopia it got better, with better spotlight episodes, the pacing picking up and Marcy joining our merry crew. And it hit it’s peak with the second half of the season: the return to wartwood effortlessly combined slice of life with the compelling temple episodes. It was also a nice break before the utter hell that arrived in the finale, but still nicely lead up to said finale.  This season may of STARTED bumpy but it finished at it’s highest point and with one epic finale to go it’s only going to get better from here. 

As for this blog the same holds true: Review wise next week i’ll be taking a break from normal reviews to do a week’s worth of Goofy based content in time for his birthday, from shorts, to goof troop, to hosue of mouse, to an obscure special, all leading up to the Disney Classic A Goofy Movie. So stick around.

And if that dosen’t do it for you I have an ongoing retrospective on the story arcs of ducktales season 2, i’m nearing the end of one on Scott Pilgrim and in the middle of one of The Life and Times of Scrogoe McDuck. and if you prefer weekly reviews, as I mentioned earlier offhandidly i’ll be covering the Owl House! LIke Amphibia i’m starting with Season 2, but just like with this show i’m excited as all hell and hope you’ll join me. And if you need even more I have a patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, where I have exclusive reviews if you choose to back me as well as exciting stretch goals, one of which down the line is reviewing season one of this very show. So join it and if not that’s okay too, either way.. it’s been a pleasure. 

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #true colors #anne boonchuy #marcy wu #sasha waybright #grimothy #captain grime #sprig plantar #andrias leviathan #keith david #hopidah plantar #polly plantar #frobo #genera yunan #lady olivia #disney channel #disney now

[spideyyroos]

are you kidding me? - peter parker (soulmate!au) - part 3

pairing: peter parker x stark!female!reader

summary: during your everlasting rivalry against peter parker, you’re unlucky enough to find out that not only is he spider-man (your dad’s new kid), but he is also your soulmate. god help us all. (soulmate au where you have a mark of where your soulmate first touches you)

word count: 2511

requested: yes!

warnings: language, slight angst, stab wound

a/n: GUESS WHOSE BACK BACK BACK BACK AGAIN!!! hey guys! sorry i’ve been mia recently, school has really been piling up on me and i pushed off this part for so long! tbh i think this is gonna be slightly slow burn?? i don’t want to rush anything oof. hope you guys like it :)) 

THE NEXT DAY

As both Peter and Y/N made their way to school, they communicated to one another on how they should act and when they should tell their individual friends about the whole soulmate ordeal. For the time being, they decided to still hate each other at school--which, technically, they still hadn’t been too fond of each other ever since the previous day. Y/N, being the more stubborn of the two, couldn’t push aside the decade-long rivalry between her and Peter. She was still in denial that he was her soulmate, the one who she would spend the rest of her life with. 

Chewing on her lip, Y/N thought about her future with Peter in it. She always knew that he would stick around in her life but never where. After the almost-kiss that they shared last night, she muted her thoughts from him, not wanting to distract while fighting crime. As she did so, she wondered why she cared about the well-being of the boy, not just in academics.

-at Midtown-

As Peter and Y/N made their way to their first period, they cautiously stood at different places from one another when passing through the hallway. Thankfully enough, Ned found Peter and they weaved their way into their history class. Y/N found herself in the class moments after, taking a seat in the back corner to ensure that she could take a nap for the period.

Y/N had always prepared ahead of time for the classes she decided to take naps in. Her phone was programmed to pick up what the teacher was saying during the lecture; later, Y/N would listen and add extra information to her notes (a/n: i suggest this highly; it works super well! :)).

When the lecture started, Y/N was out like a light. She got plenty of sleep the night before, but still preferred to be asleep. Peter, who sat across the room, tried to focus on his notes, but felt the strong urge to stare at her. Similar to Y/N, Peter felt hesitant to feel affections toward his usual enemy. Ever since yesterday, he cringed at how the two treated each other. 

Needless to say, these circumstances were more than overwhelming.

-lunch-

After their fifth period Spanish class, Y/N and Peter walked side by side in the hallway. Before they knew it, Flash called out at Peter.

“Hey Penis Parker! What are you doing, flying out of your league?” 

“And what would you know, Flash? Last time I checked, your homecoming date left you in the dust to go and grind with some other egotistical prick.”

Flash’s jaw dropped at Y/N’s words and Peter covered his mouth to stifle his laughter. Y/N turned around to face Flash, deadpan--clearly unamused by his ever so endearing nickname for Peter. Then, as if in some world-turning moment, she realized that she had just defended her rival.

Nobody knew that they were soulmates just yet.

She couldn’t let that happen--not now at least.

However, before she could make an excuse for standing up for Peter, Flash suddenly changed his target of ridicule.

“Aw, I’m sorry babe. Do you have a personal score to settle with Lindsey? Or, better yet, come over tonight and we can,” Flash continued to advance towards her and corner Y/N onto a locker, “make up for lost time.” Flash was face-to-face with Y/N, expelling his hot breath over her face. Although Flash was yet another person who knew how to make Y/N’s skin crawl, she decided to swallow the vomit coming up her throat and let herself be “enchanted” with the king of douches.

“Umm...you sure have a way with words, handsome,” Y/N’s mind was screaming at her to kick him in the nuts, but her pride didn’t allow her to let up and run to her only safe space--Peter. She feigned a gleaming smile, letting it hit her eyes. Flash only smirked at his supposed “power” over women, though it repulsed anything that walked--no, breathed--on this very earth. Y/N continued to keep this act up by biting her lip and forcing herself to eye his lips, misshapen and topped with peach fuzz for a mustache. It sent her back to last night with Peter, and she mentally sunk into thoughts of the blessed day when she’d put her guard down and allow herself to love him--woah, wait...what the fuck?

Just as she was about to dwell on her absurd thought, she felt the disgustingly warm body heat in front of her being ripped away and an angry Peter now in front of her. His back was facing her and he held his death grip on Flash, who now looked scared as all hell, was panting from the sudden movement and wide-eyed.

“How about we don’t do that?” Peter threatened, gritting his teeth and shooting daggers at Flash. Y/N walked directly behind Peter and performed the trick as old as time: playing with the angry boy’s hair to calm him down. As she laced her fingers through his wavy hair, Peter fell victim to the affection. He let go of Flash, freeing him to run away from the previously seething Peter--not sparing to look back at the nerd who once could never have the heart to kill a fly. 

Y/N grabbed onto Peter’s shoulder and turned him around, hand still interlocked within his curls. Peter’s expression showed pure relaxation, contradicting the near-death that he could have caused. They looked into each other’s eyes, once again letting the rest of the world slip away. Thank God that everyone else had cleared the hallway and went their own ways to the cafeteria. The young Stark filed her hand through his exceptionally soft hair--what conditioner do you use? They chuckled, knowing that only these two could see into her comedic genius. Peter’s eyes wandered her face, taking in her features and mentally noting small details that he would’ve never noticed beforehand. He suddenly cupped her face with his hands and went to lean in, only for Y/N to abruptly rip her contact from him.

“Peter--”

“I’m sorry--”

“Can we just give...give whatever this is--a moment to breathe? Jesus, it’s been a day and now I have to make sure that no one ever hits on me because God forbid Spider-Man’s soulma--” Peter’s hand clamped over Y/N’s mouth, eyes wide and desperate for her to shut up.

“I’m sorry, ok? Now will you stop talking before someone hears?” Y/N shoved his hand off her mouth and made a beeline towards the exit, not dealing with anymore of this bullshit.

Y/N, frustrated and fed up, went home to the complex--this, and she swears by it, was by far the worst week of her life. She wished that she wasn’t so difficult, that she could have been dealt a different soulmate, that she could start over, that she could be anywhere else but here. She made an effort to ignore his thoughts and mute her own. She didn’t want to be burned again. She has always pined after the well-deserved love and freely gave her heart to the people who gave her half-assed compliments--believing that each time would be different. Yet time and time again she would be let down, until she had enough. She sealed her walls with super-glue and rejected any form of genuine interest in her well-being. 

-at Avengers complex-

4:56

Peter tried to busy himself with expanding his patrol area, patrol hours, and homework--anything to avoid facing the obvious. He may as well be dead to her, right?

God, no! Don’t ever say that. Just--give me time, alright? This is just...a lot.

Look--we’re adjusting right now. Us even talking is already some sort of sign that we can try to get along. I know you’d prefer to stay at the very least 6 feet apart but--fuck, I’ll be honest--ever since we…connected I’ve been able to see you in a different light--

--pretty sure that’s called being horny--

--will you just...you know what? No. You don’t get to find out what I was going to say. Are you happy now?

Y/N didn’t respond. She just laid on her bed, aggressively staring at her window, hoping that he just might swing by.

It wasn’t long until she felt a searingly white hot pain on her left side. She screamed out in her room, trying to haphazardly relieve some of this unbearable punishment of having a superhero as a soulmate. Tears blurred her vision and she clutched her side, unable to move in fear that she would break her entire body. With as much effort she could put out, she reached for her suit tracking device--jesus christ, what the fuck happened to him?

Y/N saw the spider icon deep in the streets of Queens, at one of the many Mom and Pop restaurants. She saw an update on the suit condition:

OPENING ON LEFT SIDE - COULD BE KNIFE WOUND?

Peter, are you okay? Please get out of there as soon as you can! I’ll call the police right now--OW!

Y/N received a crisp punch to her right cheek, wincing and letting the new tears fall over her face. She tried to stay strong, despite everything hurting so much. She pressed “NOTIFY POLICE” on the device and curled into a ball, hoping the pain would stop soon. Just as she thought it was over, a square kick to the stomach almost caused an upheaval of her last meal. Stars taking over her vision, she fell unconscious onto her bedroom floor.

-meanwhile-

Peter has had his fair share of difficult and strong criminals, but damn! This group was one for the books. Not considering the soulmate tie between himself and Y/N, he fought the band of robbers and took each hit as a grain of salt.

Peter, are you okay? Please get out of there as soon as you can! I’ll call the police right now--OW!

“Oh shit--” Peter mumbled, allowing himself to get punched in the face by the one of the last men standing. Easily knocking him out with his special “pow, pow, POW” combo, as Peter liked to call it.

Unfortunately, before he could safely escape the scene, with the criminals webbed up against the wall, the final “stupidhead” (once again, as Peter liked to call it) attacked him with a swift kick to the stomach.

Shit.

Peter heard the sirens nearly a block away, so he opted to avoid any more conflict by webbing the kicker against the ceiling of the restaurant--stealing away into the city and on the way to the complex.

He remembered the backpack that was so secretly plastered next to the window of Y/N’s bedroom and was quick to change into his street clothes. Practically breaking into her bedroom, Peter was instantly at Y/N’s unconscious side--did her body show where he got hurt also?

Unsure if he was throwing away all of Aunt May’s well-taught respect and manners of “don’t put your hands on a girl unless she says you can and she wants you to,” Peter lifted her shirt to check if she was stabbed as well. Fortunately, either soulmate can have the sensation of pain--not the actual injury itself.

Y/N woke with a start, breaking her eyelids open to see Peter lifting her shirt to check the left side.

“What are you doing?” Y/N flinched away, tearing the material out of his hands.

“I’m sorry--I was checking if you were okay--”

“--people don’t check under other people’s shirts--wait. Am I stabbed?” Y/N went to check herself, only to double take at Peter’s blood stain growing larger by the second.

“Oh my god--stay right there, ok? I’ll go get a first aid kit--holy shit…”

Peter chuckled at her antics, but winced as he realized that...I got stabbed and it’s an open wound and now I’m laughing and oh my god--

“Ok, holyshitok--lay on my bed, please. Lay on your side, with the wound facing me. Also, please take off your shirt,” Y/N took a deep breath, preparing the sutures to properly address the injury. She concentrated, despite her hands shaking horribly. 

“This is going to feel even worse than when I start to sew but you can grab onto something if you need,” Y/N softly spoke, ready to clean, with alcohol, around where the knife had tore into his flesh. Peter nodded, unsure what he could grab onto without breaking her concentration. He opted for her bedsheets, which were slightly wrinkled and smelled like the expensive detergent that often surrounds Y/N--what? Why am I--

Y/N hummed in content and smiled to herself as she finished disinfecting and started to sew. Although Peter was used to his clumsy hands dangerously stitching together his deeper injuries, Y/N’s precision and patience to ensure the least amount of pain almost...put him at peace. She would glance over at him to reassure herself that he wasn’t passed out--though that would make the situation far less intimidating. Here he was, Peter Benjamin Parker, shirtless and occasionally bleeding (though it was far less than before), on Y/N M/N Stark’s bed. When she wasn’t looking at him, Peter would steal glances at the young Stark, appreciating her calm nature in such a scenario like this. On the other hand, when he wasn’t staring at her, Y/N would give a side eye to Peter--who was focusing on the small design on the bedsheets. He recognized the R2-D2 and C-3PO duo that continued across the dimensions of the mattress, tracing the dark outline of each character.

“Ok, I’m almost done. I just need to apply the gauze and the skin adhesive,” Y/N stated, quickly exiting the room to go fetch the proper dressings.

When she came back, Peter was still in the same position--but with stilled breathing and relaxed muscles.

Oh my God, he’s asleep. At least the hard part’s over--I think.

Y/N finished the full treatment for the wounds, briefly waking Peter up to tell him to get changed into some loungewear. He barely obliged, grumpy from having been woken up from his short nap. He pouted like a toddler, wanting to return to the “comfy bed with the nice blankets.” Y/N did her best to not laugh, admiring the adorable nature that came with him. He returned to the bed and Y/N made sure that he was comfortable enough without laying directly on top the wounds. She tried her best to be a better person and reluctantly played with his hair, hearing a small “thank you” in response. Peter fell asleep immediately, exhausted from a mentally and emotionally gruelling day.

Y/N watched as he finally relaxed into his sleep, thankful that she could at least help the superhero everyone loved.

Someday, I will love him. Just not now--not yet. I can’t let you in just yet.

taglist: @mega-bi @lordofblamo @sadstrudel @ispiderdudei @everythingsship @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @annathesillyfriend @mybitchborky @randxmthxughts @dear-selena

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #soulmate!peter parker #soulmate!au #spiderman x reader #spiderman #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #peter parker fanfiction #marvel #marvel imagine #tony stark #dad!tony #hi i'm back #it's been like 10 years #spideyyroos writes

[ridasverkisto]

who are your top ten black clover characters and ships (romantic, platonic)? talk about them!

Oooooooh. This is gonna be a long one so buckle in. I’m also splitting the answer into two—so this is top ten ships, and I’ll do top ten characters in a separate post, because this is long. 😅

Before I get going, I’m just going to say this is in no particular order—I’m listing them in the order they come to mind, as I love all of these pairings for different reasons so it’s hard for me to rank them. I’ll also preface that for most of my pairings it usually doesn’t matter much to me whether it’s romantic or platonic, so long as they’re not. Y’know. Actual siblings/family/etc. Also for the purposes of this ask, I’m leaving out stuff like...the Black Bulls as a platonic ship tag. They’re found family, it’s sort of a given, so this isn’t going to focus on that. And before anyone asks, yes, I have crackships. I am not apologizing.

[If this needs a page break to keep from clogging tags lmk, btw]

1. Magna/Luck (and/or Magna & Luck, it’s the same to me)

What can I say? I’m a sucker for two dumbass best friends who share a brain cell living their best lives. Their dynamic is fun and interesting—Luck literally views Magna as fun and interesting and he loves bothering him because of how he reacts, while Magna started out hating it but grew incredibly fond of Luck’s antics.

They’re dumbasses, but they’re loveable dumbasses who bring out both the best and worst in each other, and I just love the way they interact. It’s great and I love them both so much 💕

2. Finral & Langris

Okay okay so. I know there’s baggage here, because Langris is an entitled little asshole trashbaby, but hear me out. Finral gets to be an older brother, exasperated with Langris and trying super hard to be a good sibling, while Langris is still a trashbaby but a softer one. Like.

They are Peak Sibling Energy, because I can see Langris insulting Finral because “polite interaction with my loser brother, how tf?” But the moment someone else tries to insult Finral, Langris gets annoyed. It’s the younger sibling Rights, only the sibling gets to insult the other siblings and if you try to get in on that fuck you. Meanwhile, Finral learns to be the responsible older sibling to Langris, and steps into being more responsible in other parts of his life while repairing his relationship with Langris.

Not going to lie, a lot of my love for this ship is because I’m probably projecting my own relationship with my own brother onto them to some extent, and my love for proper Sibling Energy has no bounds because that shit’s hilarious when done right.

Let Finral and Langris develop the weird half-unspoken language of siblings, let them reference embarrassing things and blackmail each other over stupid shit like “who’s going to go refill the teapot” or something!! Let them be petty and loving and protective as they learn to be siblings again, because growth!!!!

3. Julius & Yami & William

Why yes, I am a polyshipper. But mostly what I really like about this one is the history and the dynamics between the three of them.

On the one hand you have Julius, who’s hugely respected by the other two, basically mentored/parented them both, and loves them both a hell of a lot. (You can’t look at the way Julius looks at Yami and William and tell me that’s not love, fuck you)

On another, you have Yami; he’s the outcast, loner, stranger in a strange land who was given a support system and place to belong by Julius. He also struggles to understand the less forthright William, and is fiercely loyal. Like. This man loves and respects Julius so fucking much, and it’s shown through such small gestures, it’s amazing.

And finally, there’s William—who couldn’t chose between Julius and Patry, yeah. Who’s a coward and a troll and hides behind his words and masks, but has made the choice to atone for his mistakes. He feels a lot, and is so clearly trying to be better it hurts.

The way the three of them interact has a lot of history and intricacy behind it, and even with current events in the series, I really really love their relationship with each other. This isn’t a ship I love for fluff, but for the tension and aching weight of history and growing up that lies heavy on it. It’s got this lovely sort of pain to it that feels like nostalgia in the summer heat, knowing nothing is ever going to be like it was once and still deciding to hold onto what you have with both hands.

I never said I ship for fluff and romance—I’m here for dynamics, and these three have amazing dynamics. (I will note for this one that it’s one that I can’t see as romantic at all. Not the least bc Julius was literally in his twenties when Yami and William were like 15, bc ~fuck that shit~)

4. William/Dorothy/Rhya

Is this a crackship? Yes!

Have these characters barely if ever interacted on screen? Yes!

Am I probably the only person who thought of this ship and wants to see content for it? Yes!

Do I give a fuck? No!

Not gonna lie, I know this is a crackship of massive proportions. But I’m here for the dynamics and the dynamics here have the potential to just be so damn cathartic, okay?

If I go on a deep tangent about this ship it’ll end up being an entire essay, so that can wait for another day, so I’ll just...give you this: these three have a lot to give each other to challenge and help each other grow. There’s a lot of potential, and tension, and catharsis here. The contrasts and dynamics between the three of them would be interesting and immensely entertaining.

I’ll also shamelessly admit that a good portion of this is also fueled by my personal head canons of William being a trans guy, Dorothy being feminine presenting nb, and Rhya just straight up being pan and attracted to strong people. What can I say? I know what I like lmao 😂

5. Yuno & Asta

I’m a sucker for good friendly rivalries. Especially ones full of so much mutual respect!!! Like, they both respect each other and care so fucking much is amazing ❤️

And don’t get me wrong, I get the people that ship them romantically and I’ll read it; but I see their relationship as more sibling rivalry/platonic than anything else.

You can’t look at Yuno being a Dramatic Bitch to get on Asta’s nerves and tell me that’s not Peak Sibling Energy, because I tell you I have done the exact same to my own brother. Let them be dorks and friends and brothers, bc it WORKS.

6. Rill/Charmy/Langris

Yes, yes this is another crackship. No, I do not care! And yes, i am aware it will very likely never be canon.

I just really like the image of Langris being reluctantly folded into the dynamic of two cinnamon rolls who could probably flatten him if they really wanted to. And Langris slowly coming to the realization that he actually really likes them and cares for them, even if he is a bit tsun-tsun about expressing it sometimes.

Plus, y’know, Rill and Charmy won’t indulge his asshole-ier behaviors, and if he pisses Charmy off he’s very likely to get his ass kicked.

I can’t really explain it more than that other than I just really really like the dynamics with this trio and I hold it very close to my heart 💕

7. Finral & Vanessa

Let them be friends!!! Let them be platonic best friends!!!! I love their dynamic, esp if you expand on it and take a look at how Finral and Vanessa can play off of each other. BEST FRIENDS.

8. David & Letoile

I know everyone likes to think of them as the chaotic one and the no-nonsense one, but consider: Letoile getting wrapped up in David’s shenanigans bc they’re just as ride or die as Magna and Luck are. Everyone thinks of her as the other holder of the Golden Dawn’s self restraint, and she sort of is, but her standards of what should be restrained is very different from Klaus’s.

9. Julius & Marx (can also be Julius/Marx, but only prior to the whole deaging thing)

Wholesome ship! It’s already obvious that they care about each other a lot in canon, so let that be expanded upon and developed more. It also adds the fun bit that the issues with Julius running away from his paperwork become even more comical with the added context. It starts to feel less like a subordinate yelling at their commandeer and more like an old married couple or something 😂

10. Leopold & Asta & Yuno & Noelle

Three competitive dumbasses and the exasperated one who makes it worse. I love them all and I think they make the best fucking quad friend group;; let them be friends, please. Please. Just the shenanigans they would get into makes me cackle with glee.

#black clover #anon ask #black clover ships #william vangeance #yami sukehiro #yuno black clover #asta black clover #dorothy unsworth #julius novachrono #black clover rhya #leopold vermillion #noelle silva #luck voltia #magna swing #finral roulacase #langris vaude #rill boismortier #charmy pappitson #david swallow #letoile becquerel #marx francois #vanessa enoteca #i’m a huge sucker for interesting character dynamics #so that usually means I end up crackshipping a LOT

[epic-potato-crisp]

Caramel Syrup

Note: Dear @gingerrhd, I was your secret santa this year! You mentioned KouKei, autumn, sarcasm, and the worst coffee date ever in the prompts, so I decided to go with a coffeshop! AU for the story. I hope you enjoy!  ^-^

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The bell jingled over his head as Kei pried open the heavy door of “Fantôme.” There weren’t many customers around, which is what he had been going for for when he decided to pick a small, secluded coffeeshop to study in favor of the larger franchise store down the road. It had been his go-to-place, before Kei discovered just how many students from his High School spend their free hours and afternoons there.

No thank you. Kei could do without the obligatory socialization every time he tried to get ahead in his homework. Also, their management had changed and for some absurd reason he had a strange feeling about the new shift manager behind the counter, an old man approaching pension age who graced him with a downright unsettling smile every time they met. So Fantôme it was. As it turned out, not only was the store empty, and offered “Free Wifi” if one were to believe the obnoxious signs plastered throughout, it also held a large amount of seating opportunities. That was welcome news to Kei, who despised encountering his classmates almost as the lack of free tables. “Welcome!” The red-haired boy behind the counter shouted as soon as he spotted him, bowing promptly. Kei grimaced at the ear-splitting volume. “A gingerbread latte please.” he ordered, after a customary glance at the menu. “That will be 600 yen.” Kei nodded, and handed over the required amount. “Alright. Please take a seat. Coming right up!!” the barista responded, flashing him an irritatingly cheerful smile. Kei rolled his eyes and went to find a table.

  “Here you go, sorry for the delay.” A good ten minutes later, a steaming cup of coffee was placed in front of him. Kei had already spread himself out over the desk, his laptop turned on and class notes on his side. “Thanks.” Kei graced the barista-server-whatever he was with a court nod, before turning back to his screen. “Oh, what are you doing there?”

Someone save him.

“Homework.” “Oh, cool, for what subject?” The redhead didn’t seem the slightest bit deterred by the venomous look Kei shot him, sliding into the empty next to him. On the contrary. “History.” “Oh man, I hate that subject. But you know what I hate even more?” Kei did not remember asking, but the barista generously provided him with an update anyway. “Biology. Seriously man, I didn’t know there were so many complicating things to know about plans. Don’t you just water them?” He gestured wildly as he spoke. “Oh, and don’t get me started on Japanese Literature-“ “Don’t you have work to do?” Kei cut across him. “Nah, actually, my shift break just started. Lucky, eh?” the barista grinned.

Oh God, he should have gone to his old place. Not even his classmates talked this much.

“I’m Nakano Kou, by the way! Nice to meet you!” He held out his hand. Kei grimaced, but forced himself into the polite response and shook it briefly. “Likewise.” He replied monotonously. Nakano tilted his head, his bushy eyebrows travelling skywards. So much for privacy. “I’m Nagai Kei.” Kei grumbled, “And I have work to do, so if you excuse me-“

It was at that moment a tall man with glasses and silver hair appeared behind the counter. “Nakano!” he barked, as soon as he spotted the pair of them, “If you have time to harass the customers, you might as well get to work! The tables won’t clear themselves.” Nakano winced, caught and got to his feet with a sigh. “Sorry, my shift manager is no fun. I’ll see you around, yeah?” Kei didn’t dignify that with a response. He got to work.

  “Welcome! Oh, Nagai, it’s great to see you back!” “Likewise.” Kei ground out between clenched teeth, cursing his luck. The shop was fuller this time, the tables being occupied by elderly people enjoying their afternoon treat and college students typing away at laptops alike. Did the Fantôme not employ anyone else? Either Nakano was the epitome of obliviousness, or he purposefully ignored Kei’s hostile tone. He took his order- Kei went with his regular, with an extra helping of caramel syrup- chatting away merrily as he did. “Honestly, I’m really glad you chose our store. You know, the bigger franchise one down the road?” “Hard to miss.” Kei deadpanned. “Yeah, that one! So, they drive away most of our customers. But Hirasawa-san- that’s my boss, you know- he says not to worry. That the Phantom has its own unique charm, ya know?” The coffee machine beeped shrilly. “Oh, whoops, gotta refill the water tank. Just a second!” “It’s Fantôme.” Kei couldn’t help himself. “What?” Nakano appeared genuinely confused, as he filled a large container under the sink. “The shop. It’s pronounced Fantôme.” Correcting other people’s pronounciation had always been one of Kei’s biggest pet peeves. It hadn’t exactly helped him in making friends at school. “Sure, if you say so! French confuses the heck out of me.” Kei was about to spitefully remark what doesn’t, but held his tongue.

Nakano, who had meanwhile successfully managed to get the machine working again, turned his back on the cup filling with coffee and grabbed a chocolate pastry from showcase, placed it on a tiny plate and handed it to Kei.” “Voila!” “I didn’t order that.” Kei said. “Yeah, I know. Consider it on the house.” Kou winked and rang him up.

Kei managed about an hour of successfully typing away at his essay before a certain redheaded menace decided to join him again at the table.

“Hey, hope you don’t mind!” He declared energetically, before taking a seat next to Kei, armed with a piece of cake and sparkling glass of soda. Kei did mind, but apparently that was obsolete.

“So what are you doing today?” “History again. Citing my sources.” “Ugh, that sounds boring.” Nakano said emphatically. “Tell me about it.” “So you’re going to Kaisei?” Nakano said, with a nod to his blazer. “I guess.” “Isn’t that crazy hard to get into?” Kei shrugs. “Maybe. I didn’t think the entrance exam was that difficult.” “Woah!” If Kou’s eyes widened any further, they would have popped out of their sockets. “You’re really fucking smart, aren’t you?” Kei, much to his disagreement, felt his cheeks warm at the unexpected praise. “So, you’re in High School too? What year?” Kei asked, in an attempt to redirect  the conversation towards Nakano himself. “Year 2.” “Same as me.” Nakano groaned pitifully. “End of term exams are going to kill me once I start studying for them.” Kei stopped his typing. “What do you mean once you start studying for them? They’re in February.” “Yeah, so? “It’s December.” Kei knew it wasn’t his place to advise the other boy on study methods, but he was adept at spotting a train wreck in the making. Or perhaps, that was just his OCD talking. “When were you going to start?” “End of January?” Nakano responded. It sounded like a question.

Oh dear God.

“Anyway.” Nakano said, misinterpreting his stunned silence for agreement, “You know how I said that the larger store drives our customers away? Know why that is?” His eyes sparkled excitedly. Kei glanced at the counter, hoping the coffee machine would decide to act up again and save him from the rest of this conversation. “Other than that they’re an internationally renowned franchise with stores all over the world? No. Couldn’t possibly imagine.” Kei replied sarcastically, which went right over Nakano’s head. “Nah, that’s not it.” Nakano said, dismissing Kei’s perfectly logical statement with a wave of his hand. He grinned conspiratorially. “Listen to this. There are rumors that their new manager is cahoots with the yakuza. The Yakuza! Crazy, right?” “Wow.” Kei said, not knowing what else to respond to this. Indeed, the grandpa behind the counter did look like he could murder his him in his sleep and get away with it. It would probably a merciful death by comparison, he thought, side-eyeing Nakano, who rambled on as though there was no tomorrow. A few minutes later, he was saved by the same sour-faced shift manager that had come to his aid the other day. “Stop trash-talking the competition, Nakano! Table 3 wants to order!” “Ah, yessir!” Nakano yelled, making Kei wince. He jumped up and gave a wave. “Laters!” Kei pinched his forehead, and returned to his sources.

For someone who had vowed to never return here, Kei thought glumly to himself, as he walked into the Fantôme a week later on a rainy Thursday afternoon, he was really bad at keeping promises. Even to himself. The lady behind the counter was tiny. “Good afternoon.” She greeted him monotonously, staring at him with dark, soulful eyes that looked like they’d seen enough. “What would you like?” Kei thought decisively that he didn’t miss the exciting chatter that had accompanied his earlier orders, and got out his wallet.  

“Oh, hey! Nagai! Izumi-san, I’m taking this one.” Kei didn’t know what exactly possessed him to return the very next day, but there was work he had to yet finish, and the atmosphere of the coffeeshop had provided to aid his levels of productivity. Well, for the most part. “Alright.” The petite woman from yesterday replied, eyes even more weary than the day before, and moved on to the next customer. Fridays were busy, even at the Fantôme. “Gingerbread latte?” Nakano asked, as soon as Nagai reached the counter. Nagai nodded. “And, one of these pastries, please.” he said. “Coming right up! And, sorry, but I guess I’ll have to charge you for the pastry this time. Tosaki-san- that’s my shift manager said I’m not allowed to give out freebies.” He shrugged. “That’s fine.” Kei said. “But I’m starting to convince him of the fact that you’re a regular, so that might change!” Nakano winked. “Don’t count on it.” “Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say.” Nakano said teasingly, and rang him up.

Kei was impressed to learn that even a rush on a Friday afternoon was not enough to deter Nakano from bothering him at his table. Strangely enough, he found himself not really minding the company. Even if it did keep him from his statistics homework. “Fun fact.” Nakano said, “You know that this store was originally gonna be called IBM? But you know, that’s trademarked, so Hirasawa-san didn’t go ahead with it.” “What the hell would IBM even stand for?” Kei shut his laptop screen, deciding that perhaps a small break would not completely ruin his progress. He took a bite out of his pastry, which tasted more delicious than it had any business being. “I don’t know, man. International Brewery Masters?” “You literally have one store.” “Point taken.” Nakano grinned.

Kei rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t you be at the register?” “My coworker’s handling it.” Nakano said, making large puppy eyes at him, “I have a double shift on Saturday, give me a break.” “Your coworker?” “Well, yeah, Izumi-san. You’ve met her, right?” Nakano’s voice picked up, excitedly. “She’s really hot, isn’t she?” “What exactly is hot, Nakano-kun?” a quiet voice asked behind him asked. Nakano choked on his soda. The woman in question had approached with the stealth of a panther. She narrowed her eyes at the younger employee. “I-Izumi-san!” Nakano responded, flustered, “I, uh, I meant the coffee! Right, Kei? It’s really nice and hot, isn’t it?” “It’s very good, indeed.” Kei responded, after a delighting moment of watching Nakano struggle in embarrassment. Izumi left, but not without shooting last glare in Nakano’s direction. “I feel like she doesn’t like me.” Nakano whined, as soon as she was out of earshot. “How on earth did you reach that conclusion?” Kei asked, raising an eyebrow. He glanced at his watch. It was already close to 6 pm. “I’m sorry, but I’m leaving in a bit.” Eriko was home from the hospital for the weekend. And as strained as their relationship might be, Kei did feel guilty for not spending as much time with his little sister as he probably should have. “Oh, that’s perfect!” Nakano replied, “I’ll get off in half an hour. Want to walk to the station together?” Oh well. He needed to catch his train either way. “Sure.”

   Nakano, predictably, talked the entire way to the station. Which suited Kei well this time, as it saved him from having to make awkward small talk. He learned that Nakano had been working at the Fantôme for a year already. He was one of two High Schoolers the shop’s owner, Hirsawa-san had employed. Most other employees were college students. There was Tosaki, who was studying for his masters at Keio University, and Izumi, an undergrad student at Sophia. He also learned that Nakano lived on his own, and had barely scraped by his first year in High School. When asked about his parents, he shrugged. “They didn’t pay the rent, and got us kicked out of our place. My uncle’s helping me pay for a room, but I’m pretty much on my own with all other expenses. Sucks, but that’s the way it is.” “I’m sorry.” Kei answered, not knowing what else to say. “Don’t be.” Nakano gave him a smile that seemed genuine, “I do like my job. Even though Tosaki-san can be a pain at times.” An awkward silence fell between them. “Want to exchange LINE ID’s?” Nakano asked, just before they reached the station. “Sure, whatever.” “You can call me Kou, by the way. Nakano’s so freaking formal. And can I call you Kei, too?” “Whatever.” Kei repeated, ignoring the pleased feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realized Nakano had bothered to remember his first name.

Ten minutes later, on a crowded train heading back home, Kei muted his phone notifications when Kou wouldn’t stop spamming their chat with rilakumma emojis.

  Despite his better judgement, Kei started showing up at the Fantôme once a week. His visits fell mostly on Mondays, which was coincidentally also the day that Kou was on his regular shift. Kei blamed it on the workload the school assigned with the beginning of every week.

He had slowly developed a craving for the Fantôme’s coffee specials, and the place did offer a rather peaceful study atmosphere, if he left aside Kou’s chattering during his impromptu visits at Kei’s table.

But even those, he secretly grew to like. Not that he would ever admit to it.

  “Welcome! Your order?” The barista at the counter was not Kou. A shadow fell over Kei as the man towered above him at what was easily two meters of height. The Fantome’s signature apron barely reached his midriff. The accompanying cream-coloured frills provided a striking contrast to his perpetual scowl. Tanaka, the name tag read. “I, um-“ “Oh, hello Kei.” Izumi greeted him, emerging from the kitchen with a rare smile. He did know when exactly she had learned his name, but somewhere between his first and his fifteenth visit, he had apparently made an impression. It was what came with being a “regular” , he supposed, which wasn’t nearly as beneficial as Kou made it out to be. Even though he enjoyed the occasional complimentary pastry. Where was he, anyway? It was a Monday like any other. “Nakano’s not working today.” she said, apparently having read his thoughts, “He’s at home studying. His exams are coming up soon.” “Oh, I see.” Kei said, “Then, well…” he glanced at the mountain of a barista that looked like he could take him out in one ill-timed blow, “I just wanted to get drinks for takeaway. One gingerbread latte, please.” he said. “600 yen.” “Actually, can you make that two?” Tanaka grunted, which Kei understood as a confirmation. “Visiting a friend?” Izumi-san asked, a knowing look in her eyes. “Just for my sister.” Kei responded. His heart was racing, which was a little odd, he thought. He was yet to consume any amount of caffeine. “I see.”

  This was most likely a bad idea, Kei thought. In between spamming him with memes, links to prank compilations on youtube and various emojis, Kou had also written his address.

“What would I need that for? ”Kei had texted back. “In case you ever wanna hang out!” Kei had left him on read.

Now, standing in front of his door, he considered turning around. But he had already come all this way, to a ward on the suburbs of Tokyo. Also, the coffee was getting cold. He sighed, and pressed the doorbell. “Kei!!” Nakano’s surprised expression gave way to a joyful one when he noticed his unexpected visitor. “Come in, please!” He beckoned him inside eagerly. “Please excuse the intrusion.” Kei mumbled, taking off his shoes and stepping into Nakano’s apartment. It was tiny. There was bed and a dresser, a floor table and seating pillows. A fridge, and a single stove with a microwave took up one corner of the room. Kei spotted a door in the another one, probably leading to a bathroom. Also, it looked like a bomb had exploded in here. “Please have a seat. Sorry, it’s not very tidy.” Nakano said, That put it lightly, Kei thought, stepping over books, socks and empty bottles. Nakano brought him a glass of water, and they sat down at the table. “I heard you were studying for exams.” “Yeah, I have some tests coming up.” Kou sighed, “Tosaki-san told me to take the week off and study. When I came into work this afternoon, he yelled at me, so… I guess I’m here.” He laughed embarrassedly. “When are your exams?” Kei asked, with an impending feeling of doom, taking a sip of his water. “Thursday. Friday.” Nakano said. “This week?” “Yep.” He should have just gone home. “Do you have trouble with any of the material?” Nakano flashed him a saccharine smile. “Perhaps you could tutor me?” Kei could feel a headache coming on. “Depends on the subjects.” “Math, I can mostly do, but I am struggling with biology.” Nakano said, giving him the largest puppy eyes Kei had ever witnessed. “Alright, fine. Let’s do this.” Kei agreed with a sigh, opening a textbook. How hard could that possibly be? He aced biology every time. Surely tutoring someone else was not that vastly different.

One hour later, their styrofoam cups were empty and Kei was about to lose his sanity. “What exactly are you not getting about the polymerase chain reaction?” He snapped, twisting a pen in his hand, ink smudging all over his fingers, “It’s not that hard!”

“Yes, it is.” Nakano yelled, desperation clawing its way into his voice. “Well, what part?” “Everything.” Nakano moaned, burying his face in his hands. “Oh man, I’m sorry. Nagai. I’m a lost cause. You should just go home.” Kei felt very tempted to do just that, but he took a way at Kou’s room and the tense way he hunched his shoulders and the staple of bills on the corner of the desk, and felt like an asshole for even considering it. But wait. He still had an ace up his sleeve. He stepped out onto the balcony, and made a call.

“I came as fast as I could.” Kaito leaned against the doorframe, motorcycle helmet underneath his arm, “Lucky I live nearby.” “Thank you. I owe you one.” Kei said. Kaito waved him off. “No, believe me, you’ll call in that favor once you see what I mean.” Kei said dryly. Kaito laughed at his pained expression. “It’ll be fine.” “Kei, are you leaving?” Nakano called, emerging from the bathroom. He paused in his tracks once he saw Kaito. “Oh, hi, you are-“ “Your new biology teacher.” Kei said coldly. Kou tilted his head in confusion. “A friend of mine. Who’s good at biology. He agreed to teach you. That’s all.” Kei grumbled. Immediately, Kou’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Hey! Wow, thanks for doing this! I’m really an idiot, so sorry in advance for taking up your time. I’m Nakano, by the way. Come in!” “Kaito. Pleasure.” the blond replied, giving him a warm smile. “I’m gonna go and get some food from the conbini down the road.” Kei responded, “Have fun.” “Get me some tuna onigiri, yeah?” Kou called after him. “In your dreams.” Kaito laughed.

  Three hours later, they sat at Kou’s table together, feasting on rice balls, soba noodles and lemon tea. “Kaito, you’re seriously the best.” Kou said, mid-chew. Kei turned his face away in disgust. “I feel like I really understood the stuff for the first-time!” “You’re welcome.” Kaito replied, “And by the way, Kou, don’t be so hard on yourself. You do understand more than you think. I think you just have trouble remembering the detail, but that’s okay. It’s what you study for, after all.” “You’re so nice, Kaito.” Kou fawned, “You’re much nicer than Kei.” “Hey. Remember who got him here in the first place?” Kei snapped, irritated. “I know, sorry. That was pretty great of you.” Kou said apologetically, grinning at him cheekily. Pretty great of you. Kei felt his cheeks heating up. “Bathroom.” he said, leaving as quickly as he could, and ignoring the smile on Kaito’s face.

  “So, what’s the result?” Kou’s shift manager had apparently been waiting for them already when they walked into the store on Monday. “Hello, Tosaki-san, nice to see you too.” Kou said, rolling his eyes. Tosaki glared at him. “Okay, okay, fine!” Kou held up his hands in defeat. “I passed. Both exams. B in maths, C in biology.” “Just a C, after all the tutoring that Kaito gave you.” Kei comments acidly, “Were you even trying?” “Hey, I passed, okay? Wasn’t that the goal?” Kou pouted at him. Kei sighed, wishing that his puppy eyes didn’t have that much of an effect on him.

“I guess you did. Well done.”

Kou smiled at him. Kei felt his heart flutter, and looked away. “Well done, Nakano-kun.” Izumi said, who’d apparently overheard a part of their conversation, “Nagai’s drink is on me.” “Thanks.” Kei said. “Well then, get to work.” Tosaki adjusted his glasses. “Seriously, that’s all? Don’t I get a reward or something?” “Your reward is the tables you’ll be clearing.” Tosaki says haughtily, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “You’re late, so get moving.” “Yes, boss.” Kou sighs. “…Well done.” Kou turned in his tracks. “What was that?” “Move it!”

“Your regular?” Izumi asked, just as Nakano trudged off to get changed, “It’s on me.” “Is the gingerbread latte even a seasonal item anymore?” Kei said, seriously. “We make exceptions for our frequent customers.” Izumi responds, lowering her voice secretively. “Well, then I won’t say no.”

Izumi hummed and got to work preparing his drink. “Oh, in case you were worried. Nakano-kun still has all his vacation days. I guess that’s a type of reward, isn’t it?” “Hadn’t crossed my mind to be worried at all.” Kei answered, too quickly for it to be true. “I see.” Izumi said, with this knowing smile Kei hoped he interpreted too much into. “Here you go.” “Thank you.”

Kou came out from the staff room at this very second, wearing his work-shirt and apron. “Grab a seat, yeah?” he told Kei, “I’ll be with you as soon as I get a free minute.” “You don’t have to-“ His voice cut off, his brain short-circuiting in shock once he realized that Kou had kissed his cheek. “I-“ “That’s your reward.” Kou said, smiling at him, gentle and invigorating like summer rain, and for the first time in months, Kei was speechless.

#koukei #nagai kei #nakano kou #ajin #ajinss20 #ajin demi human #ajin secret santa #gingerrhd #fanfic

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Forever (oneshot)

Harry Potter Marauders Era

Request:  hey i dont know if ur accepting requests but could you may do a one shot of a regulus x reader inspired by drivers license by olivia rodrigo? they dont need ro end up together but i feel like it would be really good!! love ur page <3

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: T

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I got my driver’s license last week….just like we always talked about…’cause you were so excited for me to finally drive up to your house...but today I drove through the suburbs crying cause you weren’t around

Closing your diary, you didn’t want to look back at the lines that you had just written. Your mind was on Regulus, just as it always was...and there was no stopping it. It had been two months since he started dating some Slytherin pureblood girl and forgot you. Deep down you knew that you should have been surprised. This girl was everything that you weren't (everything that Regulus should have wanted.) She was blonde, beautiful, and of course a pureblood. 

You, on the other hand, was a half blood that was shy. Sure, you were pretty in your own way but you did not stand out compared to her...Regulus started dating the other girl a few months before. In the beginning, he promised nothing would change between the two of you. You were his “favorite” Hufflepuff and he needed you as much as you needed him. Slowly, Regulus began “forgetting” the times that the two of you would hang out. You would find yourself sitting in the library or at the top of the astronomy tower all alone...then came the day when you said hello to him in the hallway and Regulus kept walking. You stood there like a fool looking after him. It didn’t help that his friends took the time to say hello but Regulus couldn’t. After that the two of you hadn’t spoken a word to each other. 

How Regulus seemed so okay that your friendship over was even more confusing. He went through each day as if you simplify were a page in his history that was over and never to be heard from again. If you meant so little to him why did he always tell you that you were priceless and unforgettable? 

I guess I am not so unforgettable after all..

You thought watching him snog his girlfriend for the fourth time of the day. Of the few times that he kissed you, it was always in private and away from potential eyes. Were you that hideous that Regulus had to hide away from?

Your brother Remus and his friends tried to convince you that this was for the best. They tried to remind you of how “toxic” Regulus could be…

“He’s flirted with you for years…”

“Then dropped you like a bad habit.” 

“You’re worth more than that.” 

Of course, they meant well and you knew it but the words were painful to hear. You also knew that Remus, James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily were also tired of hearing you whine about how much that you missed Regulus. They wouldn’t say it but you could see the looks that were exchanged (particularly between Remus and Sirius). You tried to understand their point of view. Sirius and Remus had begged you not to get close to Regulus in the first place. Unfortunately, they didn’t know the boy that you knew. They didn’t know how kind and caring that Regulus could be. He was the boy that you spent hours reading or snuggling with. 

Sundays are the worst…

You had to choke back a tear thinking about how much you hated Sundays now. That was the day that you spent exclusively with Regulus. Whether it was spending the afternoon snuggling by the lake or doing something else...Sundays were your day with Regulus...alone. Now you spent them by yourself. You still went to the lake to read but it wasn’t the same...nothing would ever be the same.

The school year ending was the best thing for you. You were thrilled to go home for summer. Being away from Regulus was the best thing for you. Little did you know how fast the three months would fly by. 

Sitting on the train to go back to Hogwarts, you couldn’t believe it was time to go back. It seemed like you had just gotten home and it was time to leave. You looked up as Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter came running into the compartment that you had saved. Sirius, James, and Peter froze looking at you with wide eyes. 

“What?”

You asked, meeting your brother’s own confused expression. Sirius and James automatically grinned. 

“Look who had a glow up this summer.” 

 James commented as Sirius sat down beside you. 

“You look simply stunning.” 

He commented before leaning closer. 

“Everything about you has changed. You’ve always been lovely but now you're simply stunning.” 

Remus rolled his eyes and sat down. He should have known what it was about. You had “grown up” over summer. It seemed like you had gone to bed a girl and woke up a woman with a full bust and curves. It was no wonder his friends were drooling over you. Remus, however, didn’t want to witness it. 

“Padfoot, Prongs...stop. I don’t want to watch either of you try to get your game on with my sister.” 

Sirius stood up. 

“Fine, I’ll go flirt with her somewhere else. Come on, Y/n. Let’s go find a snack.” 

You shrugged and decided to follow Sirius out. Getting out of the compartment and away from your friends flirting seemed like a good idea. 

“What was  that back there? I thought that you had something going on with my brother?”

You questioned as you walked beside Sirius. He grinned. 

“Come on, I’m a flirt. Remus knows that. I was hoping to talk to you alone to see how you had been doing. Your letters this summer have been a little vague.”

You shrugged. Sirius was right on that one. You weren’t the best with keeping up with your friends over the summer. 

“Sorry...I was busy with my mum. She decided that we are now the best of friends and I was following her all over the place. You know how mums are.” 

Sirius chuckled. 

“Yeah, I know all about those. Lucky for you, your mum is a lot nicer than mine. I wanted to talk to you about something before we arrive at school. Regulus and his hoe broke up.” 

Sirius wasn’t surprised when you frowned. You were silent for a moment before taking a breath. 

“Has he asked about me?”

Sirius nodded. 

“Actually, yes he has. I think the little git...well...bigger git because he’s grown a few inches is feeling a bit moody over how things went with the two of you.” 

“Well, it's his own fault! I wasn’t the one that forgot that my best friend was alive.” 

Sirius nodded as Regulus appeared with Evan and Barty Crouch Jr at his side. 

“Yes, it was his fault. He was prick. Speaking of pricks. There is the king of them and his two stooges.”

You didn’t even turn in the direction that Sirius was looking. 

“Wanna make him feel bad? I’m down for a little fun revenge if you are?”

Sirius commented. Without thinking of what Sirius would do you nodded. Sirius quickly reached out and pulled you into the most awkward kiss that you had ever been a part of. 

“Put your arms around me.”

Sirius muttered before going back to kissing you. You wrapped your arms around his neck thinking to yourself about how this had to feel like kissing your brother. 

Meanwhile, 

Regulus, Barty, and Evan stood with their mouths hanging open. He had been feeling like utter garbage over how he had been treating you. Regulus didn’t even understand how actions. The way that he had been behaving...that wasn’t him. He had thrown away the one girl that seemed to understand him like no other person on the planet for a girl that just wanted to make out with him. Regulus knew that he had to fix things before they reached a point of no return. 

He had been sitting quietly by himself when Barty came running in with Evan behind him squealing about how “hot” you had become over the summer. 

“Reg, you have to come quick! Y/n is a total sight now!” 

Evan commented with a smile. Barty nodded. 

“She has boobs and an ass now... they are amazing!” 

Regulus had thrown down the book that he was holding and like any 15 year old boy he wanted to go have a look. Sure enough, there you stood with his brother chatting away. He felt his mouth drop looking at you. You had changed and now Regulus was really kicking himself. 

The moment that Sirius pulled you into a kiss, the brooding jealousy in Regulus sprung forward. The one good thing that Regulus could say about witnessing this disgusting kiss was you seemed totally caught off guard.

Don’t kiss him, sweetheart...I love…

When your arms wrapped around Sirius’ shoulders, whatever hope that Regulus had fell apart. He found himself staring at the two of you with an opened mouth and breaking heart…

But I still fucking love you, babe

Regulus did love you. Now he knew it. There had always been something inside of him that knew you were it for him. You were the girl that he wanted to spend his time with and devote himself to. Now it was ruined...you were kissing Sirius and Regulus would never have a shot…

Sirius let your face go enough to turn and look at Regulus. He gave you a dark scowl before turning and storming off in the opposite direction. 

“Jealous little shit if you ask me.” 

Sirius said with a grin.

“Come on, hot lips.” 

The rest of the evening was a typical first night back at Hogwarts. From your place at the Hufflepuff you could see Regulus at the Slytherin table. He sat looking angrily down at the plate in front of him. If he was jealous then you wanted to welcome him to your world. 

Walking back toward the Hufflepuff common room, you froze the moment Regulus stepped out from behind a pillar. 

“Hi, Y/n.” 

You crossed your arms over your chest. 

“So you do remember my name?” 

Regulus sighed. 

“I deserve that.” 

“Yes, you do.” 

You commented before turning and walking in the opposite direction. Where you were going, you had no idea. Regulus quickly walked after you. 

“So you like kissing my brother now? I never thought that you would be one of those girls.” 

You didn’t stop walking until Regulus reached out and stopped you physically. 

“I can kiss whomever I want. Clearly, you have the same right so go snog whatever her name was why don’t you, hot lips.”

Regulus was surprised by your comment. You never sassed him. 

“She and I broke up. It didn’t work out.”

“I’m sure it's hard to do any communication with someone’s tongue down your throat.” 

Regulus rolled his eyes. You were angry at him and he understood it. What kind of friend was he to forget about you? Clearly a horrible one…

“You were making out with my brother.” 

“I didn’t want to. He kissed me to make you jealous.” 

Regulus looked down at his feet. 

“Well, he did.” 

You sighed. 

“I’m sorry to hear about that...I don’t understand why it really matters to you anyway. I am just some pathetic Hufflepuff. There are plenty of other girls that I am sure would be a lot better…”

“I don’t give a damn about the other girls! Can you stop being so petty? I’m trying to apologize to you.” 

You weren’t about to back down. It was time for Regulus to see just how much you had been hurt over the past six months. 

“So you think that an apology is going to be enough to give you free reign over my emotions again? When some other girl gives you a chance because you are handsome, like your brother, you’ll forget me again. I’m not a doormat for you.” 

Regulus reached out and took your hands in his. 

“Darling, I’m not going to use you as a doormat...please...one chance...that’s all that I’m asking. I’m a stupid boy...a typical useless man.”

Regulus was silent for a moment. 

“I’ll just be going...I get it. I do love you, Y/n….I’m just shit at showing love and you should know that by now.” 

You watched as Regulus turned to walk away. Automatically, you smacked yourself in the head. Of course, Regulus didn’t know how to show love. Your knowledge of his parents and upbringing hit you like a loaded freight train rushing down a hill. Regulus probably thought what he was doing was just normal. He didn’t realize just how much he had hurt you. Had he been raised by proper parents maybe he would have known the difference. 

“Regulus! Wait!”

He stopped walking but didn’t turn to face you. 

“Yes?”

You quickly rushed forward and jumped in front of him. 

“You said you were sorry…”

He nodded. Regulus was internally hating everything about himself. He hated his parents for never showing him love. Had he had actual loving parents maybe he would know how to treat a woman properly and you would want to love him in return. Regulus hated Sirius for getting “love” from other girls and Remus. While Regulus had no affection for Remus Lupin, Sirius had a constant source of affection while Regulus had nothing. 

“That’s what I said.” 

You reached out and took his hands back into yours. 

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t want to kiss Sirius. I honestly felt like I was kissing my own brother...as messed up as that sounds. I’ve missed you and I’m willing to work on fixing things if you are.”

Regulus finally smiled. 

“I won’t fuck up again. It's forever this time.”

_____

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#Regulus Black #Regulus Black x Reader #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #James Potter #Lily Evans #Evan Rosier #Barty Crouch Jr #timothee chalamet as regulus black #ben barnes as sirius black #andrew garfield as remus lupin #aaron johnson as james potter #regulus x reader #reader x regulus #request fic #annon request #regulus black fics #marauders era fic #young marauders #marauders au #the ancient and noble house of black #Forever #Forever oneshot #update #anonymous req

[archivingspn]

2018: Twitter- pasladeuxieme, battingpractice, and TeamFreeWillBT

Context: After the SPNUK 2018 J2M panel question about eyefucking being a stage direction in scripts between Dean and Cas, several factions began engaging in discussions and arguments about the intent behind the spn writers’ word choice. In response to this, on May 8th 2018, pasladeuxieme tweeted out a series of tweets and screenshots from 8x02′s yellow pages to show where they remembered seeing the use of “eye-fuck” in the script as shorthand for an intense stare for the brothers, Sam and Dean.

pasladeuxieme: “Was telling Bri while I couldn't remember one between Dean and Cas, I could vaguely remember seeing 'eyefuck' in the stage directs of one of the scripts we have - found it :p ‘[image:

"What's Up, Tiger..." Yellow Pages 7/26/12 9. 2  CONTINUED :                                         12

SAM So things like that don't ever happen again.

Ms. Tran takes that in the pain of Eunis still fresh. Then-- she EYES Kevin.

MS. TRAN Prophet of the lord, huh? (then, a warm smile) That does have a nice ring to it.

A note of approval-- Kevin smiles sweetly...

MS. TRAN I'll get packed. Ms. Tran makes for her bedroom.

Dean turns to Sam--

DEAN We're gonna need a new safe-house, since Crowley's been to the cabin--

MS. TRAN (stopping in her tracks) Safe house? I thought we were going after the tablet?

DEAN We are. You're taking a trip to the demon-free zone.

MS. TRAN And risk letting Kevin fall into the hands of this Crowley, again? (then, firm) I don't think so.

Sam and Dean exchange an EYEFUCK-- here we go.

SAM Ma'am, Dean's right. Crowley-- he's not just a killer. He trades in torment. And if he can find a way to separate you from your soul? He'll take it to Hell and roast it 'til there's nothing but black smoke...]’”- 9:19 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

pasladeuxieme: “So many EXPRESSIONS being swapped between these hunter sibs. 5 dollars says Dabb wrote these stage directions with a thesaurus at hand ‘[image: "What's Up, Tiger..."   Yellow Pages   7/26/12   10.  CONTINUED: (2)                                              12

MS. TRAN So, a soul is more valuable than a life?

SAM Ma'am, a soul is forever. Your life is just a vessel... (then) It would really be best if you left this to us.

Ms. Tran takes a good long beat to consider that. Then--

MS. TRAN I understand. (then) But it's not my soul I'm worried about-- it's my son's.

She's STRONG. Sam and Dean trade an OMINOUS LOOK-- fearing the worst. Then turn to Kevin.

DEAN Gonna back us up here, Kev? (then) We came all the way out here to pull her ass out of the fire and now she wants to jump back in.

KEVIN Like I can tell her what to do.

Sam and Dean exchange a KNOWING NOD.

DEAN Coming with has conditions. Hex bags to keep you off the bad guys' radar. And you're gonna have to ink up.

KEVIN Do what now?

SAM You too, short stop--]’” - 9:24 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

battingpractice: “wait i found it ‘[image: (then) Sunshine and sandy beaches.

Satisfied, Dean goes all-in for the PIB. Kevin processen that for a beat-- watching Dean take a fork to the pie.

KEVIN Dean. My Mom's all alone-- And surrounded by Demons. (then) Can you really not understand why I want to make sure she's okay?

That stops Dean COLD-- fork hovering by his mouth. Dean looks over to Sam-- remembering his own Mother. Sam gives him a slight shrug, knowing the kid's right.

Dean eyes his pie, perched beautifully on the end of his fork-- he wants that bite so badly.

DEAN Son of a bitch.

Dean STABS his fork into the PIE, moving out of the BOOTH. Kevin SMILES, victorious, and we're on the move--]’“ - 9:26 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

pasladeuxieme: “Here's an eyefuck involving everyone's favorite King of Hell ‘[image: SAM all good-- just need to come up with a Plan B.

Then-- a familiar VOICE from off-camera.

CROWLEY (O.S.) what, pray-tell, could possibly have been Plan A?

The boys BURN-- and TURN to see CROWLEY.   Standing smug.

CROWLEY Bring the prophet to the most dangerous place on earth, memorize the tablet and then-- va-moose?

That one's pointed at Sam-- a weary eye-fuck from the boys.

CROWLEY Oh, and salutations, by the way.

BLACKOUT.

END OF ACT TWO]’”- 9:27 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

battingpractice: “Meanwhile, the same episode's direction for D-C is "Dean locks eyes with Cas, FIRM" which ends up as an actual eye f-u-ck but was not actually spelled out that way in the script ‘[image:

DEAN No. (then, to Cass) Cass, we're getting outta here. We're going home.

That word hits Cass hard-- something about it makes him visibly ANXIOUS.

CASTIEL Dean, I can't--

DEAN Yeah, we can. Tell him.

He's talking to Benny. The monster shrugs.

BENNY Purgatory's got an escape hatch, but I got no idea if it's angel friendly.

Dean locks eyes with Cass, FIRM.

DEAN We'll make it work. (then) I need you, Cass. And if the Chompers wanna take a shot, I say let 'em. We ganked those bitches]’”- 9:32 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

pasladeuxieme: “Not an eyefuck but here are some Destiel-y stage directions around the iconic "too much heart was always Castiel's problem" 😢 ‘[image:

what's Up, Tiger..."   Yellow Pages   7/26/12   28. CONTINUED: (3)                                             25

ALFIE You know, there are some in Heaven who still believe that, despite mistakes, Castiel's heart was always in the right place.

DEAN You one of 'em?

ALFIE I think... too much heart was always Castiel's problem.

Alfie moves off and we hold on Dean-- the angel's words hitting home. CUT TO--

EXT. CLEARING - PURGATORY - DAY (FLASHBACK)]’“- 9:49 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

pasladeuxieme: “No textusl eyefucks in 9x23, but check out the stage directions for Cas reacting to Metatron advising Dean is dead - "Castiel reacts - stunned" got turned into everything Misha did there.... ‘[image:

"Do You Believe in Miracles?" Pink Pages 4/16/14 39. 44  CONTINUED:                                                    44

METATRON Ah. So, Gadreel bites the dust, the Angel Tablet, arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe, is in pieces... And for what, now? That's right. To save Dean Winchester. (then) That was your cause wasn't it? You draped yourself in the flag of Heaven but, ultimately, this was all to save a human, wasn't it? Well, guess what? He's dead too.

Castiel reacts, stunned, as-- CHUNK! His arms are suddenly CUFFED to the chair.

METATRON And you're sitting in my chair.

45        INT. ABANDONED PLANT - NIGHT                45

Dean bleeds out on the ground. Alive, but barely. Sam tears up bits of his shirt to fashion a tourniquet. All business.]’“ - 2:48 AM May 9, 2018

[source]

Context: Three years afterwards, May 20 2021, TeamFreeWillBT made a different thread on three additional instances of eyefucking plus the ones found in 8x02:

TeamFreeWillBT: “Eyef*cks in the Supernatural scripts 8.02 What's Up, Tiger Mommy? 13.08 The Scorpion and the Frog 13.21 Beat the Devil ‘[image:

A note of approval-- Kevin smiles sweetly...

MS. TRAN I'll get packed. Ms. Tran makes for her bedroom.

Dean turns to Sam--

DEAN We're gonna need a new safe-house, since Crowley's been to the cabin--

MS. TRAN (stopping in her tracks) Safe house? I thought we were going after the tablet?

DEAN We are. You're taking a trip to the demon-free zone.

MS. TRAN And risk letting Kevin fall into the hands of this Crowley, again? (then, firm) I don't think so.

Sam and Dean exchange an EYEFUCK-- here we go.

SAM Ma'am, Dean's right. Crowley-- he's not just a killer. He trades in torment. And if he can find a way to separate you from your soul? He'll take it to Hell and roast it 'til there's nothing but black smoke...]

[image: SAM all good-- just need to come up with a Plan B.

Then-- a familiar VOICE from off-camera.

CROWLEY (O.S.) what, pray-tell, could possibly have been Plan A?

The boys BURN-- and TURN to see CROWLEY.   Standing smug.

CROWLEY Bring the prophet to the most dangerous place on earth, memorize the tablet and then-- va-moose?

That one's pointed at Sam-- a weary eye-fuck from the boys.

CROWLEY Oh, and salutations, by the way.BLACKOUT.END OF ACT TWO]

[image: As Dean turns the key in the lock-- it opens with A CLICK to REVEAL-- BONES. A WHOLE DUSTY SKELETON'S WORTH.

SHRIKE Bart's bones. You burn them, he dies too. THAT'S my leverage. (then) You're on the wrong side of this, boys-- (a loaded beat) Just gotta ask yourselves if you can live with that.

The boys eye-fuck. Can they?

BART (O.S.) He's right, those ARE my bones.

Sam, Dean and Smash look up-- THERE'S BART! Standing next to Shrike.]

[image:

GABRIEL My tank's a little low right now. Getting vengeance took a lot out of me, and even on a good day, I-- (sheepish, defensive) I have a long refractory window, okay? (then, confident) But archangel grace? It's like, the Four Loko of angelic emissions. It'll be more than enough to get the job done.

Off Gabe's confidence, our heroes eyefuck. It's go time.

QUICK CUTS:

--Our heroes LOAD UP for battle, dressing/ARMING themselves for Apocalypse World. Angel blades, knives, guns. Apocalypse World-appropriate clothing.

INT--MEN OF LETTERS - LIBRARY MOMENTS LATER   4]’“- 7:39 PM May 20, 2021

[source]

TeamFreeWillBT: “9.05 Dog Dean Afternoon ‘[image:

DYLAN --and it's not like we could go to the cops--

OLIVIA --so now we look like total douche bags *cause we have to wear sunglasses inside.

Olivia and Dylan removes their sunglasses to reveal... puffy, bloodshot eyes, surrounded by dead tissue? It looks like textbook gangrene. As Sam and Dean eyefuck--

DEAN (PRE LAP) Necrosis?

INT. MOTEL - DAY

Sam sits in front of his laptop. Dean looks over his shoulder, bottle o’ beer in hand.]’”- 7:39 PM May 20, 2021

[source]

8.02 What's Up, Tiger Mommy?

Written by: Andrew Dabb and Daniel Loflin

9.05 Dog Dean Afternoon

Written by: Eric Charmelo and Nicole Snyder

9.23 Do You Believe in Miracles?

Written by: Jeremy Carver

13.08 The Scorpion and the Frog

Written by: Meredith Glynn

13.21 Beat the Devil

Written by: Robert Berens

#2018-May #2018:May8 #*destiel #*eyefucking #*spn 8x02 #*spn 9x05 #*spn 9x23 #*spn 13x08 #*spn 13x21 #writer: Andrew Dabb #writer: Daniel Loflin #writer: Eric Charmelo #writer: Nicole Snyder #writer: Jeremy Carver #writer: Meredith Glynn #writer: Robert Berens #Twitter #*scripts