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#and i always thought it was just bc of no internal monologue but I've heard of other people who also don't have one and they can still talk
eggmeralda · 2 years
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reading about expressive language disorder and maybe it's an explanation as to why I've never formed a full sentence in my whole life :')
#^above is literally a full sentence but that's not the point#it's still a mess of a sentence i guess#can't form a sentence without saying i guess and stuff it's like yeah but anyway all that sort of thing and like you know etc.#and i always don't know the names of objects so i just call everything a guy or a lad with some vague hand gesture#and i have never been able to easily write an essay in my whole life#and i can never hold a conversation#and i always thought it was just bc of no internal monologue but I've heard of other people who also don't have one and they can still talk#maybe this explains why i barely spoke from age 16-18 and even now i'm known for being relatively quiet#bc if i say something it'll be an incoherent ramble#not a single thought in my head <3#this is a revelation though omg#i guess in the past few years I've become more confident with talking but it's bc I've just given up trying to make sense so now i just#idk but i just won't say the names of things I'll just point at them or i'll mix tenses up and stuff#also atm i'm basically just putting all the thoughts in these tags as they're appearing for a split second in my head so this is incoherent#but yeah anyway idk if i actually have expressive language disorder itself#but i definitely have Something#i'm thinking of other messed up language stuff like how for the past almost decade i've mixed up words and pronunciations from#other languages like the ones i learnt at school#which i cannot speak but i now know random words#so sometimes i'll just get the urge to pronounce something as it would be in spanish or whatever#and also after a while i'll just get bored of the sensation of saying a certain word so i'll change it. spice it up a bit#especially if it's a word i say a lot#so like names of characters i hyperfixate on get absolutely butchered on purpose#*looking at entry swig rokey unn bytirr 27 teed dav aoodry and bianpolay rn*#anyway this is an absolute ramble and completely going with the theme of this post i do not what i'm supposed to be saying#so i'll end it there#but anyway i love a midnight revelation <3#ramble
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nvr-pass · 11 months
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actually re: my tags on my previous post bc i remembered this is my blog and i can monologue about whatever pretentious shit i want. i think part of my bewilderment at these people is bc my media behaviour is so antithetical to this happening. here's an essay or w/e ..
basically, i read blake snyder's save the cat a couple years ago (interesting, if you read it with a huge grain of salt) and he talks about the importance of taglines. he's says that people will only decide to see your movie based on a single sentence and poster the cinema/magazine provides about your movie, so it's important to make sure to communicate your hook and set up the correct expectations in your audience in just that little impression they will get. that's what they will decide on to see your movie and that's what will dictate how the think about it beginning to end.
synder's only thinking in the specific milieu and time he wrote his screenplays for, but i think he was onto something with the huge impact of what your audience thinks the movie will be beforehand. if the audience somehow gets the wrong impression before the movie even started, there's a good chance they will hate your movie, regardless of its actual quality. (q.e.d. those reviews i made fun of.)
like i said, synder's view on the issue is very limited, but you've always had to have heard of a piece of media somehow. something, somewhere brought you to it and what exactly it was that got you interested has a huge (often subconscious) impact on what you will think of it. there has to be a reason why you think it will interest you.
there are no more tv guides that dictate our cinema night, but there sure are trailers and reviews and promotion posts and whatever our friend tell us. it's still very much happening.
and i dislike it. i really dislike knowing half the movie from the trailer alone. i dislike the entire set-up of the movie being incredibly boring because i already know what will happen from a 5 second snippet in the trailer. and this doesn't make the movie unenjoyable (unless it's really really bad) because there is loads of enjoyment to be found it stories that you already know (see any popular shakespeare play. im not watching them bc i want to know the plot!). but i still wonder how i often i actually watch a movie i know nothing about. how often im watching them like the makers thought i would, being introduced to every element only as it appears.
ever since, i've made an actual effort to know as little about a piece of media as possible before experiencing it. i've still managed to find stuff i like, often through obscure tumblr posting by users i know share the same taste in media as me. and sometimes through sheer luck and curiosity like clicking on random youtube recommendations of musical bootlegs.
and i am by now means saying that this is the superior media experience! i watched heathers, thinking it would be like highschool musical during act 1 and then i was gutted. i loved it. but there are very good reasons why heathers should have appropriate content warnings and i would not recommend it to others without mentioning the murder (or knowing the other person very very well). knowingly avoiding content indicators is born from the privilege of being okay to see all fictional content there could be and being open to any genre. it works for me because i enjoy it and find it interesting this way.
i just often think about how differently we all experience the same piece of media, not just from our internal bias but also from the trivial fact of how we heard of it and what we already know or expect from it.
i also made the experience that not knowing what a piece of media's strength is supposed to be leaves me open to appreciate any strength i find. this often has to do with genre expectations: for example i don't care if the plot of an action movie is stupid if the action scenes are cool, and i don't care if the action scenes in a romantic comedy are silly if the relationships are interesting etc. that's not what these movies are about! i find that when i don't know what my genre expectations are supposed to be im very forgiving to any flaws or weaknesses bc im assuming that that's probably not what it is about and that's okay. i try to find what it is about and what they were trying to do and i value it for whatever it does manage well.
i notice this a lot with with people watching a movie from a genre they are not familiar with. im thinking especially western audiences watching asian cinema. it operates by completely different rules because it's its own culture and idustry and often gets dragged (very very unfairly) for being "cheap". this is purely bc said audience is expecting and judging things that the makers of these movies or shows obviously never thought were the most important. and if you impose onto these movies that these things should be the most important and should be done a certain way, then that might be your own valid interpretation of whatever, but i think it's your own fault if you didn't like it.
trying to understand media while being cautious about whatever expectations you impose upon it can really make you enjoy movies so much more without having to compromise your annoying(affectionate) overanalyzing. trust me. open your mind, step into the light. bad movies can have earnest attempts to convey something if your willing to look kindly. picking it apart will be much more fun if you're trying to locate the little kernel that did work and trying to find why it worked and what its pitwalls were and how they could've been avoided.
anyways i lied this wasn't an essay it was just a ramble about media approaches. feel free to leave a comment of any length if you have any thoughts on this :^)
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