#and i couldnt fit the sleep mask because i refused to get rid of the bow on her bonnet

[freaky-flawless]

Dead Tired Honey Swamp

Shout out to @deuces-stone-cold-style for the nightgown inspo!

#monster high #monster high fanart #monster high g1 #honey swamp #dead tired #finished this a couple days ago but couldnt post it #cuz my laptop battery decided it had had enough and finally went caput on me #i have a replacement coming within a i cant really draw until then and im super bummed about it #anyway this drawing was funny #i kinda hated it but thought if i could just add some color that it would help #and it did i love her #shes one of my most detailed mh designs so drawing her is always a doozy #i wanna design a dt wydowna to match because they are ghoulfriends #also sorry the nightgown isnt that accurate to the actual reference #i dont think honey is particularly a lace ghoulie which is why i went with the wispy plant fringe #and i really dont like drawing floral patterns i just used the csp presets 🥲 #i know the dt dolls come with little accessories but she gets a blankie #and i couldnt fit the sleep mask because i refused to get rid of the bow on her bonnet #id in alt #my art #sabz art

[former-cannibal-3]

idk im not feeling too great rn, but i'll try not to whine too much okay

lack of motivation and lack of energy both suck ass, and ive been reminded of the unfortunate reality that the bras i own are broken and trying to stab me (the unfortunate circumstances of developing large breasts also means that i cant just pick up a $20 bra at target, the only things that actually HELP are $90+ im screaming for real okay i cannot fucking WAIT to be rid of these things that burden my body and mind and if i wouldnt bleed out i would cut them off myself) and all but one pair of pants i own are old, have holes in them, or i can’t bike in so whats the point (i went to go get pants and couldnt find any that fit me in my price range so i got shorts instead t the time, but now im afraid of wearing them because my stockings are also ripped and old and i cant have my gross legs seen by the public, i know shocking a+ reason to not go outside lmao). my mouth is increasingly awful to deal with, i cant sleep without waking up to pain, i cant fucking eat most things anymore cuz i cant fucking chew properly... my mask broke yesterday, did some temporary stitching so i could go out still but the breaking seems almost like a sign and another burden on me regarding the discomfort of idk being alive i guess lmao.

in other words, discomfort about how i look keeps me from wanting to leave the house, and i feel myself wanting to isolate away from my friends more and more lately. it’s kinda shitty since i was invited somewhere and also was/am supposed to go dye a friends hair today. and in the vaguest way possible i wish i could tell them i was not really feeling up to going out, and not really willing to be a factor in someone’s hair color (and now my BF wants me to keep up with his too and just aaa), i am not qualified and every single time i do this i get more and more upset about it.

i can do nothing for others without feeling like i have screwed up and i hate the feeling and want nothing to do with it anymore, but what the fuck am i supposed to say to my friends? no?

who the fuck says no to anyone???

see this is exactly why i hate myself right now.

please dont take this the wrong way. 

im exhausted. i hate being alive right now. im sure i’ll be okay but like... idk. it comes in waves or something. waves of isolation and exhaustion and discomfort with like everything but especially myself and the state of being something physical and existing in flesh rather than as some nebulous fog of consciousness and experience, okay strike that i would rather not have any experiences anymore anyway. all i wanna do is float in a void and sleep, maybe wake up to do something enjoyable like sdvx or something.

you know life’s got you fucked up when the reasons you can think of to stay alive and make an effort in bothering to keep yourself fed, showered and rested boil down to essentially rhythm games and fictional characters lmao. even with real people who i have lasting relationships with are something i cant handle right now, i need to isolate myself and be alone for like a year i stfg.

but i have obligations to continue working, or rather drawing. i need money if im gonna fix any of the issues i have with myself and HOPEFULLY i’ll feel better. maybe some day i’ll feel good enough to do things out of the house with people. maybe some day i’ll feel good enough that i wont reel away from physical contact. maybe some day i’ll feel good enough that i wont feel like im snubbing my bf when i refuse contact. maybe some day i’ll feel good enough that i wont cry in response to contact in the first place.

#please dont ttake this the wrong way #im exausted and i hate life okay