#and i don't need to go into details about balinor

[lit-in-thy-heart]

thinking about how it's almost worse that the true lancelot thanked merlin at the end of 4x09 because instead of having some comfort in thinking that the shade was only the image of lancelot, merlin has to live with the knowledge that his lancelot was there the entire time, locked away, and he did nothing to help him until it was too late

#i just #*distant screaming* #any way you slice mercelot it's just a fucking tragedy really #lancelot sacrifices himself for merlin #and merlin takes on the guilt of it should have been him #then lancelot thanks merlin #and merlin has the guilt of not trying to help lancelot sooner #man is just out there trying to let merlin know he cares so deeply for him #but it's all salt in the wound in the end #and it's fascinating how love with merlin is so intrinsically linked to pain #like how he cries when he kisses freya for the first time #or will taking an arrow for arthur (bc for some reason that prat is important to merlin so therefore has some importance to will) #and i don't need to go into details about balinor #idk #like i know there's been a lot of stuff about merlin losing everyone he loves #but the intensity of pain *caused* by love merlin had for them and the fact that in some cases love was the reason for the loss? #got me thinking #and crying #mercelot #merlin #lancelot #bbc merlin #lit talks