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archivist-bones · 5 years

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❝ cause we live in a house of mirrors / we see our fears and everything ❞

𝖖 𝖚 𝖔 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

“To abstain from politics is, in itself, a political attitude.” - Simone de Beauvoir, Prime of Life

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” - Abraham Lincoln

“The presence of evil was something to be first recognized, then dealt with, survived, outwitted, triumphed over.” - Toni Morrison, Sula

“Take your foot out of the graveyard, they are busy being dead.” - Anne Sexton, A Curse Against Elegies

“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bare to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” - Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“I can, with one squinted eye, take it all as a blessing.” - Flannery O’Connor, The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O’Connor

“And perhaps there is a limit to the grieving that the human heart can do. As when one adds salt to a tumbler of water, there comes a point where simply no more will be absorbed.” - Sarah Waters, The Little Stranger

𝖇 𝖆 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈

NAME: Amelia Susan Bones NICKNAMES: Amy, chicken little [ Edgar, Gideon ], bossy Bones, bubala [ sweetie, dear, used by Amelia’s maternal grandparents ], little Susie [ used by her paternal grandparents ]. AGE: 23 BIRTHDAY: December 28th, 1957 GENDER: Cisfemale PRONOUNS: She/her

𝖋 𝖆 𝖒 𝖎 𝖑 𝖞

MOTHER: Esther Bones née Levy [ 52, muggleborn ] FATHER: Edwin Bones [ 54, pureblood ] SIBLINGS: Edgar Bones, Gideon Bones [ deceased ]

𝖕 𝖍 𝖞 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈 𝖆 𝖑 𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖙𝖊𝖘

FACE CLAIM: Maude Apatow BUILD: Amelia is 5′4 and slender, moving into a “waif-like” territory. HAIR: Long, pin straight without any intervention. Amelia either pulls it back in a bun for work or curls it to have loose waves. HAIR COLOR: Brunette EYE COLOR: Brown SKIN COLOR: Caucasian DOMINANT HAND: Right-handed ANOMALIES: A deep scar on Amelia’s left knee from childhood. She had been riding her bike, hit some rocks, and fell off. Gideon had to carry her all the way home as she sobbed. SCENT: Rose and bergamot perfume. Freshly pressed laundry. ACCENT: Normal English accent for a girl from Devon, England but Amelia has a rich vocabulary. Sometimes making her sound a little snobby, especially when she’s trying to explain something to you. ALLERGIES: Nickel jewelry, discovered when she was twelve and got a severe rash from a necklace she’d gotten on a shopping trip with her mother. DISORDERS: Amelia has always been a little anxious and worrisome but after Gideon’s death it has been a lot worse. She’s suffering from a lot of grief, depression, making her much more reckless and less likely to think through the repercussions of her actions. FASHION: Neat and bookish but stylish all the same. Feminine blouses, thick sweaters over collared shirts, pencil skirts and low heels with stockings. Looking professional helps Amelia feel more confident and prepared to face the day. When she’s at home or working on something, she’ll dress more comfortably, in jeans and t-shirts. NERVOUS TICS: When Amelia is nervous, embarrassed, or afraid she’s in trouble, she hates looking people in the eye. Embarrassed by her own emotions and fearful that she might have disappointed someone. She also will compulsively push her hair behind her ear, over and over, if it’s down and she’s feeling nervous. QUIRKS: Do not leave your muggle pens unattended with Amelia, the only thing she would never feel guilty about taking. She’s liable to chew on them when she’s studying or working [you won’t want them back ].

𝖑 𝖎 𝖋 𝖊 𝖘 𝖙 𝖞 𝖑 𝖊

RESIDES: Moving between London and Ottery St. Catchpole BORN: Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon, England RAISED: Born and raised in good ole Ottery PETS: A 2½ year old male ragamuffin cat named Humphrey

CAREER: Archivist, Department of Magical Law Enforcement EXPERIENCE: Amelia’s father worked for the ministry and would often take his tiny daughter along with him while her brothers stayed home with their mother. Edwin Bones is a man very interested in politics himself so it was natural for daddy’s little girl to pick up on that as well. Amelia was well known at the ministry before even getting a position there, volunteering in her father’s department during summer breaks. EMPLOYER: Ministry of Magic

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Amelia is aligned with the Order. The Bones children were raised to be forward-thinking and accepting of others. Amelia might seem a little uptight but she’s open-minded and empathetic. She believes in advocating for fair treatment of all people and social services for the less fortunate. BELIEFS: Amelia is a feminist and would probably be considered a democratic socialist. Her mother’s family are Jewish. Amelia considers it ethnically a part of her identity but is not religious. MISDEMEANORS: None FELONIES: None DRUGS: No SMOKES: No [ yes, she’s a goody goody ] ALCOHOL: Occasionally Amelia enjoys firewhisky or a pint on a night out but she is a notorious light weight. DIET: Amelia eats well most days but has a real sweet tooth and prefers desserts over everything. She’s notorious for forgetting to eat or knowingly skipping lunch when she’s distracted or obsessively working on something. She also doesn’t eat when she’s anxious or feeling depressed.

LANGUAGES: English, German, French, Hebrew

PHOBIAS: Failure, pain, grief, torture HOBBIES: Biking, reading, embroidery [ though she’s not very good at it ] TRAITS: { + }: Empathetic, steadfast, analytical, perspicacious, ambitious { - }: Headstrong, overbearing, critical, obsessive, anxious

𝖋 𝖆 𝖛 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

LOCATION: The garden in her childhood home, the archives of the ministry. At Hogwarts, Amelia’s favorite places were the library or McGonagall’s classroom when it was empty. SPORTS TEAM: Holyhead Harpies GAME: A girl in her year at Hogwarts introduced Amelia to Clue one snowy night in her second year, it quickly became a favorite. MUSIC: The Clash and David Bowie [ Joe Strummer is the only man for her ] MOVIES: Funny Girl FOOD: Sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream. BEVERAGE: Espresso, specifically a cortado. Amelia would never turn down a nice butterbeer either. COLOR: Blue

𝖒 𝖆 𝖌 𝖎 𝖈

ALUMNI HOUSE: Ravenclaw WAND (length, flexibility, wood, & core): 10½”, willow wood, unicorn hair, quite flexible AMORTENTIA: Espresso, mother’s perfume, toffee, fresh parchment, challah bread PATRONUS: Magpie BOGGART: Dead loved ones, Lord Voldemort

𝖈 𝖍 𝖆 𝖗 𝖆 𝖈 𝖙 𝖊 𝖗

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Lawful Good MBTI: INFJ MBTI ROLE: The Advocate ENNEAGRAM: Type 1 ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Perfectionist TEMPERAMENT: Melancholic WESTERN ZODIAC: Capricorn CHINESE ZODIAC: Rooster PRIMAL SIGN: Bee TAROT CARD: Justice, The High Priestess, Queen of Wands TV TROPES: Beware the Nice Ones, Action Girl, Reasonable Authority Figure, Academic Alpha Bitch, Wise Beyond Their Years, Go-Getter Girl, Lawful Good SONGS:

Au Revoir Simone - Stay Golden » I’m feeling better every day / And emptiness still leaves a space

Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - You Are What You Love » The heart attacks I’m convinced I have / Every morning upon waking

The Big Moon - Your Light » I wanna speak but I’m wondering how / And I wonder since when was my voice a foreign object in my mouth

Beabadoobee - If You Want To » Experience is nothing compared to / The nights I’m always up so late

Kacey Musgraves - Good Ol’ Boys Club » Never been too good at just goin’ along / Guess I’ve always kind of been for the underdog

Marina - Can’t Pin Me Down » Do you think I’m stuck-up / ‘Cause I’m always picking fights

Joy Williams - Speaking A Dead Language » And somewhere in all the talking / The meaning faded out

IDEOLOGIES:

Amelia always hated using in quills in school, much preferring muggle pens. When twenty pages deep in a paper about the applications of the veritaserum when you have no interest in potions, saving time is key.

Amelia very much believes in the old adage, you can sleep when you’re dead. Not really a night owl or a morning person, she’s caught somewhere in between where she basically shirks sleep until it overtakes her.

Amelia would take a cup of coffee over tea any day.

Amelia is wholly convinced that David Bowie is a wizard, don’t fight her on this. She’s got a theory.

Amelia hopes that the Order can make a difference but is concerned that they will be overpowered. She wholeheartedly believes that it is better to do something than stand aside and do nothing. This viewpoint extends to her interest in ministry politics.

#❝ i’m feeling better every day ❞ — about #dulcetask

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brandxspandex · 7 years

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How and when did you get into Transformers? What are your favorite characters and pairings so far?

I was always vaguely aware that Transformers existed viacultural osmosis; I saw the toys and car decals and the like around the placeoften enough. When I was a teen I had some friends who were getting into G1,Beast Wars and Armada at the time, and would tell me stuff about it that got meintrigued. The information I got about Armada Starscream was particularlyinteresting to me because this was at the point where I had started to developa fascination with redeemable villains. I saw the first couple of episodes ofG1 with these friends when their older sister took us to her university towatch a screening by the sci-fi club there. It was fricking hilarious; by thescene where some Autobot was rubbing a guy’s back, looking like he was drillinghim from behind, everyone had lost it. I had already lost it by the bit where twoasteroids improbably crashed into each other right near the beginning; for some reason thatwas really funny to me at the time. This was all shortly before the firstBayformers film came out, so I was getting pretty pumped to see it and get aproper introduction to the modern franchise. I went to see the film with the aforementionedfriends, pretty excited to see interesting robot characters embedded infascinating sci-fi space fantasy lore. Then I left having more or less lost myinterest in the franchise.

Seven years later I had another good friend who was gettinginto Transformers who told me some stuff about Transformers Prime and the IDWcomics here and there. It occasionally sounded vaguely interesting but notenough to make me want to investigate it any further. Then that friend hosted amovie night where they insisted on showing the G1 Transformers film, which Iwas actually pretty pumped for because I was keen to relive thatmagical night watching G1 with a bunch of rowdy uni students from all those years ago. Ohboy, the G1 movie did not disappoint on that front. Everything about it wasjust a glorious succession of 80s-flavoured wut.My favourite part was how the 80s power ballads were absolutely non-stopthroughout the entire damn thing. Just…glorious.

My friend took my enthusiasm over the utter ridiculousness ofthe film to be enthusiasm for the franchise itself, so they decided to make mewatch Transformers Prime, which I was initially kinda grumpy about because Iwanted to keep watching Space Dandy, but then that first Vechicon appeared and Iwas just “oh well hello there 👀”.Then Starscream showed up with that voice, and those legs, and heels,and claws, and that scene where he transforms mid swan dive, and thoseexpressive animations (which only got better when they started making his wingsemote), and his general ridiculousness interspersed with moments of genuinely cool/terrifyingbadassery and hints of character depth. I loved him. I think I was somewhatpredisposed towards being interested in Starscream from the get go because of theseeds of intrigue that were planted when I was a teen, but even though myfriend told me that this version of Starscream didn’t go through the redemptionarc of his Armada counterpart, he happened to hit pretty much every other villaintrope I loved anyway. Also, he may have remained a villain, but he did havesome interesting moments that suggested that there was more to his character.

Starscream is definitely my favourite character in TFP but Ilove pretty much all the Decepticons. The Autobots are good too, but man, Ilove me dem ‘cons; they look evilly gorgeous, all have magnificent voices, andare all their own special flavour of ridiculous. My favourite stories are usuallythose with complex characters and plots, that stray far away from black andwhite portrayals of morality, but I’ve gotta be honest, sometimes I just reallywant a completely ridiculous, over-the-top tale featuring utterly absurd andnutty villains, and that’s the main button TFP hit for me (that and thosegorgeous robot designs). That being said, like TFP Starscream, TFP itselfshowed a lot of hints at a potential to be more complex and interesting than itwas, which was both super intriguing and super frustrating. Ultimately there area lot of things I loved about TFP, but I could never bring myself to call it a great show overall, because it wastedway too many great opportunities in terms of both plot and character development.If it had taken half of those chances it could have been amazing.

My favourite ship in TFP is Megatron/Starscream, initiallyfor the same primary reason I enjoyed the TFP Decepticons in general - just theridiculous, campy, over-the-top villainy of their dynamic. If you view theirrelationship through a lens of realism, then yeah, it’s absolutely horrendousrather than entertaining, but if you view them as villainous archetypesinhabiting crazy vaudevilleland rather than realistic people, then it takes ona very different flavour. That being said, again there were suggestions of amore complex element to their relationship that once more got me more deeply intriguedwhilst leaving me frustrated at canon’s failure to plumb these depths. I alsoreally enjoyed Knock Out and Starscream’s relationship, although I think I’multimately more interested in it as it as was portrayed in canon, rather thanas a ship. The show itself laid groundwork between Megatron and Optimus that Ibecame interested in when it was explored in fanfic, and I gotta admit thatAirachnid and Arcee’s relationship intrigued me if only for how thoroughlyfucked up it was and how pretty they both were. But honestly, if there’s a TFP shipthat involves Decepticons being ridiculous then I’d probably be somewhatinterested in it.

After I finished TFP I was hungry for more Transformerscontent, which I went looking for on tumblr, and I think that’s how I ended up comingacross panels from the IDW comics. My reaction was pretty much, “Wait, these are the comics? They’re modern?And that’s not edited? That’s actuallyhappening??? What the hell I gotta readthe shit outta these!!!” So I did, and suddenly everything I’d wantedfrom the Transformers franchise since I’d developed my first preconceptions asa teenager was mine. The complex characters, the trippy space fantasy, the deepworldbuilding and lore, it was everything I could have hoped for. What asatisfying experience, my god.

My favourite character in IDW is Starscream, who is also myfavourite Transformer overall now, and with his recent development thatassociation that was implanted in my teenage brain between Starscream andredemption arcs is finally paying off (to some extent anyway). Megatron is alsoespecially interesting to me in IDW since he’s such a multilayered character(even if those layers don’t always synergise as well as I feel they could).Starscream and Megatron’s relationship is again deeply fascinating to me in IDW,although since they’re in what to me feels like a more serious setting I can’tenjoy it so much on the “haha campy villains” level, rather it’s much more about how darkly complex their dynamic is. Megatron’s relationship with Optimusis also especially engrossing to me in this setting since they’re very much anexample of really intense and obsessive arch-nemeses. Speaking of Optimus,whilst I wouldn’t go quite so far to call him a favourite of mine at thispoint, I do like the direction he’s being taken in the comics at the moment, where he’s making really contentious decisions for the greater good.

I would go so far to call Thundercracker a favourite of minethough; not only was he a villain with a redemption arc, but he became anendearing dork with a comical misunderstanding of humanity. I love everythingabout all of those things. I also love his relationship with Marissa; I wouldwatch the hell out a sitcom featuring such an odd couple. I also really lovethe IDW take on Shockwave; most Shockwaves are pretty great, but this one’s reallymessed up backstory, together with his batshit insane plan in Dark Cybertron,made him amazing. Arcee became an unexpected favourite of mine after she calmedthe hell down to become hilariously awkward and matter-of-fact under the pen ofJohn Barber.

Bumblebee and Windblade have also really been growing on melately, largely through their association with Starscream, which has broughtout more and more interesting aspects of their characters. For instance, I lovethe snarky smugness Bee has around Starscream, but I love the fact that he hascome to feel seemingly genuine affection for someone he hated for so long evenmore. As for Windblade, I love how her increasing ruthlessness culminated inthat smirk of approval from Starscream as she laid out her plan to seize Carcer;I can’t get enough of utterly opposed characters who grow increasingly similar(and increasingly close) as they’re forced to work together. Honestly I ship Starscreamwith each of them more and more every time they interact.

So anyway, this has been my backstory episode.

#Transformers #Maccadam #Transformers Prime #Transformers IDW #Starscream #MEGATRON #OPTIMUS PRIME #Knock Out #Arcee #Airachnid #Decepticons #Thundercracker #Marissa Faireborn #Shockwave #Bumblebee #Windblade #asks #Anonymous

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failinginvestigativejournalist · 7 years

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Dont freak out, itss just writing

i grew up fast (so fast) (too quick nigga) (wish i went through when i was just a bit bigger) can you tell me who the parent is uh ya the first time i drove a whip i was a fuckin kid, (96 suburban nigga) (yo yo, did you tell em why) oh ya shit my fault my mom was bleeding from her chin i dont know what from or what about, scared to death i took that drive to the ER (Medical SHIIIT) (mom got too drunk again and feel out) (wheres dad? in his room his doors locked, figures i dont expect, as i try to knock (no answer nigga) i dont blame em he removes himself from the sitiation so he dont hit her) ya i fucking grew quick, ya i fucking tryed some shit, the first time i dropped out and took some shroomies i was age 6 plus 6, thats 12 for the illiterates, actually aas a matter a fact it was fuckin pleasant as fuck as i drew back the droe and took another hit. now that i think that was the day, older brother came and gave me cig i obliged no way to say nay, i was still trippin and it was a sensational feelin, it left me stumblin and dizzy a head rush like no other i was hooked for live to the day and i dont blame him, i dont think he knew what he had started, adding to the compilation of the monsxter inside that took refuge and started, poison in his mind, the drugs altered his brain activity but he was buckled up and commited to the ride.Shit i just said in third person let me apologize to yall sometimes the ideas flow together like two fortune five mergin, these feels of hate be strong ya im hurtin, i cant blame no one, i cant choose the family i was birthed in, started sniffin ups felt my blood surgin, gotta big head but my nemisis, the evil inside myself was bigger aboutt the size of a white sturgeon, like some northern ish that canadain shit like british columbia or somethin idk, alls i can say is that BC bud out that bitch is my fav to blow, the sour D, diesel to be exact for you niggas who waana try to nit pick or correct my personal facts, let me just speak at you, all the hatin niggas tryin bring me down, bad news, i do drugs like steve from fuckin blues clues, but my rents always on time when that xshits due, any ways i side tracked speaking of tracks just lined some shit up did with speed did with need i did it with tact, im dextrous and shit i always have a unique train of thought oh shit trains again trains derailed at this point hhaaha i crack myself up sometimes with the wit in my words leh-let you in on the pun so you can join in my fun, about the lines the lines are no more you didn arrive in time i promise these raps have rhythm they have rhyme i aint spittin to waste your time, i aint spittin to catch a dime, bag or bitch, it really dont matter, niether last long but they are still my niche, come here bitch come hit this shit, this time dont have a fit, mind over matter just stick yuh nose in these rails sit down for a bit, drink some wata, go to your happy place we are gettin to old for me to have tote on yuh just from hitten lines but i put up wit it, you got that 50 thou boat on yuh, not to mention your ride, that shit is so sweet i cant decidddee which id rather seed, as in inseminate with my seaman as i play the part as a seaman workin for seimans on a marine voyage i aint like you im a higher being, i dont know whatchu talkin whatch your eyes be seein i am a divine heathan i really cant fucking believe a niggas still breathin im a florida boy born and raised, i sit the fuck back drink my beer in the shade, high as i usually am a rinny tin tin rinscotts tale \down the rintin like a shark fin poatched by commercial fisherman thrown in a bin, no regard for life the human race is so greedy, people just aint my type, say what you want i know me best and i know im right. my creative talents on the other hand be outta sight, im my own worst enemy to cross the bridge pay the fee, trollin in the hood for that g, withdrawin, shakin i drop to my knee look up to the sky ask god if he sees. hear the sound of humming, huh must be bees, or im trippin out maybe its a flash back i dont remmember. whats th-this street, tremblin think my heat skipped a bit, or a couple shakinso bad my knes begin to buckle, anxiety can be dibilatated held me back from so much in life thers no debating. unfamiliar route. made it to this bar ordered a stout got to thinking, you may ask what about, this is why i like solitude to be on my own to answer to noone to depend on myself and live it to the fullest while im yung, my mind will reel, replaying all i know every single memory, that im capable of bringing back, i compare my brain to a file cabinet, i keep it hidden like in an office towards the back. A photographic memory is a gift and a curse, ill tell you whatat, if you dont keep it in check you will end up in a herse, sure you can remember the happy shit the good things in your life but you cant fucking forget the huge hits the fucking bad bitch the one who broke your heart? dounno how to forget you but i think i know where to start, i thought it was drugs, i numbed my body with chemicals little did i know with every shot the metaphorical shovel scooped out some more dirt from the inconcievable whole i fuckin dug. my life has been weird kinda like an opriental from a flee market an awkward rug, with no real spot in the house, was always the black sheep in the fam i tryed to tip toe as quiet as a mouse, some tom and jerry shit my mistakes and regrets cbhasing me around like tom the cat from that shit, I hide in my hidey whole, disconeected from any social environmeent i often found myself cryin, but self loathin is kinda like being a a gay with some dicks hes blowin, givin a ski job pitty is the lube hatred is the tube the vessel to carry out a deed the fags not sure about, hes experimentin comparable to some situations in my life cept wont catch me with two dudes in a shower, that was just a metaphor. you feel me? im sure the haters will hop all over that verse but just fuckinh hear me. I got my shades on and these bitches special, haters they block, they keep you no fun, sticklers out of sight out of mind like spf 75 sun block, that industrial shit, factory born hear the lunch bell on the horn, an hour passes the busy bees come back to the floor to join the others to join the masses; the hoard., here the hum of the worker bees at work as they sneek rum in there flasks stuck it in to the hive got it past the queen time to catch a buzz to make this pain stop while i avoid the fuzz the narks at work, cant control it even if they wanted to stop. i dont want to hurt. this was a metaphor for the endless rut of a reality ive become accustomed to; succomed too, the low of the low. comparable to a german trench on the frontlines., my life feels like a conveyer belt, makin the same product running the same direction never really goiong any where, now thats was an analagy, keeping up? yung unsensitive how many? 0 fucks, 0 fucks giveen, 0 blights forgiven, spiteful to death and mornful for noone, nothing left inside just another no-go, malfunctioning product family be like feeling “ i feel like they robbed us” of our brother our son and our friend , dont worry fam im still with you in your hearts up to the end. im tired of our society with all its malice and fallacy, thinking to my self how sad it must be, to be washed in the brain to be hypnotized, this shits so insane.you want that shit super sized? of course nigga watchu you sayin. A glutonous society obsessed with self indulgence people actually still believe good people are in abundance. Speaking of which, fuck the people for a tec, have you looked around lately, this earth is a wreck, mark my words we headin straight for destruction, We are not being good care takers, we fuckckin actin so careless what doesdo the opeople in power really expect?? just pass it on to the next generation “ohh, its not our life time we will leave it for you” Thats a big fuck you to the generations after you undeserving self entitled fucks finallyy croak. get the fuck outa here, tell me when you sold your sold, you heartlesxs bastards would give anything for xsome more of that paper thgat rules all, the pressure you have put on everyone, no one is an exception, to support ourselves and loved ones to provide for our own and multiple other peoples nees, the urge to make money looms over our heads like a pestiliant storm cloud of angst and uncertainty, boreing a fucking whole in our moral, making peoplpe desperaate rising crime rates because people get desperate, people need to survive and they will do dam near whatever it takess to make the money they need, for whatever purpose. ill whipe my ass with it throw in your cards i will win you better fold. i have freeedom, you ask what? anominity you fuckers, i can moldd my own life i have the freedomm of choosing, i certainly dont have to wait for legislation to pass a bill which you bribed for votes to do so anyways, to do something something much worse than im capabloe of ever doing, intentionally ruining the environment and turning our planet to mars just for paper with and idea (with a “hey, take our word for it, its worth something “””WE PROMISE”””” fucks) behind it not even gold bars, fuck you niggas mark my words illl bring all you mother fuckers down, ill run you fucks out of town, you hear that sound? its a train. its my passion and my determination to take you out, maybe ill use a fuckin plane? i mean its o.k. for the CIA to do it, right? Create this ridiculously elaborote ruse this plot, thyat fucking fooled all the ignorant and brainwashed americans you have already sucked in with your cancerous propaganda, kids lost to your bullshit through social media and the fucking criteria you make teachers teach young minds, we are taught from a very young age that “ huraaahh america is number one! Terrorists bad! Environmental destruction of a planet good!” how about we help some of the third woorld countries (which you know we wouldnt have to be gunning down women and children in the streets) we could just like give them the water they need? help them gentrify there communities teach them how to develop better skills, teach them more efficient ways to take advantage of their land, maybe bring some seeds to food sources that can be grown creating a bit of self sustainability that may not be indigenous but would grow in their country?? you greedy fucks just want oil, when we have enough in our reserves in alaska/canada to last north america 500 years falsey blame others, create an imaginary war “the war on terrorism, which infact is a fucking cover a false entity, to entice patriotism to loosely keep this crumbling empire together the last attempt, the only thread left in the button holding up the pants we call america, you forgot to tell the word all that shit is just whack [ simply a meticulously pplanned and executed ploy to spur interests in the middle east, control the oil and power will return back east, return to u, Cause god knows you tax the fuck out of us for EVERYTHING especially mnother fucking gas, so we can pay for wellfare and pay for fucking solar power for rich fucks who e==inherited wealth, people who hdont know what working a day means and never will be, never had a problem, never been broke “oh shit my fucking croket set is missingg a ball” lose the pretense fuckers, you cocksuckers, arrogant low lives.. Money makes you any better then the hard working man that cover your tax breaks pay like our fucking ppolice forces (who are a bunch of ROTC drop outs with a badge and sense of power nnow being unfair and crooked taking some kind of revenge on the idea of the kids who picked on them all through out school” Motherfucker its harder to become a plumber, the learning and process is longer/more rigorous then a 6 month police academy which is fucking my lil pony world ( ith ink there is a fantasy kids show for my lil pony with their own fantasy dimension/world)compared to a military bootcamp. A doctrine instilled to stop the spread of communisim wherever and whenever it may presenet itsxelf? when is the fighting going to stop in that area of our dying earth, thjey have been fighting eachother since lifes initial birth, what whoever was in power or in charge of trading the petroleumn to us wanted to charge an extra dollar 4 dollars aBARREL instead of 3??? whaa you fucking greedy cunts,? so we invade and take control put there people on dog collars?? for wshat a dollar difference in productionfreedom of speech as you mothers suck the livlyhood from our home like a blood sucking leech, so careless, you know exactly what your doing, you just dont care it aint your problem your headin towardcs the end your death is brewin, well im the reaper of death cloaked in black i always get my man like a cold inwe can hardly co-exist and efficiently function. We are on world one love bob marley shit im getting tired of going throught the motions im all fucked up inside and shit. Early development can be a lynch pin. to either set a strong first corner stone, ceremonial placement of the first corner stone, free mason shit, corn and vegetable oil, so many customs and traditions are goin down a fuckin hill catch em rollin. Early life is so fucking critical for a young kid, childrens minds are like a sponge they are looking up to their elders they are developing mentally they consume everything around them and retain more than you know, give your kids a healthy and stimulating environment and they will let there talents grow let there talents show let there brilliance flow let there inhibitions go, gone like dust in the wind, never catch em in trouble nothing, not one sin. They will begin to get older, be super organized, super focused for school, every class haxs a folder. As you watch them grow you will feel it in your heart you will fuckin kno, atleast you did this at least you used your parental guidance for good. when you die you know youll be missed, your kid dont throw fits, not one bit, hes such a chip off the old block that was cliche as fuck haha tuck em inh for bed his forhead you kiss. I just might fucking shed a tear, I cant fight this urge to drink a beer. I cant deny this fucking fear, I must look like just like headlights shinin onm a deer, jock strap aroun d my ankles, dumbfounded, look in my eyes, perplexed, look on my face as it hits, you get a certain taste in your mouth this race is coming to a close suddenly your filled with doubht, seriously you should be care free, yuou did your duty as a parent, im jealous wish that was me, chill the fuck out go drink some fucking relaxing tea or something, sobrietyy seems to be a good mixture along with love and rationality to make a family function like a well greased machine, like a mechanisim freshly whipped down with some white lithium grease. tuned and ready to go, temped to huff the fumes and left everything go, turn your car on shut the garage door, let death grip you, dont seem to care anymore, I cant change the past and i have no regreats, will i make it to thirty? “right over here people!” “place your bets!”, ill take my tickets to my Life Show and just scalp em make some extra cash, im already absent, so detatched;incapable of feeling. even if im there aint nothing going on emotionally in there (guarantee you im smilin an nodding i really dont give 2 fucks no more”, take that money right to the plug i promote fucking drugs not hugs, or why not both? why does the saying have to be one or the other when sxometimes its both you desire the most. Take the scalpin’ money from the tickets to the play of my life, go on down to the hood, pick up some bags mis amigos habla “Drogas” los hermanos tambien, this urge is hard to fight. Its a romance [a ritual of being, so0mething un explainable i wish i was never a part of, im always metaphorically bleeding. My poker face is strong, fuck showing weakness i alwayxs thought it was to show emotuion. wrong....... but its not, it can save your life, can \get you through, throw you a life jacket, get you out of that tide you fought, that frigid water no warmer than dry eyes.. Ive always been a loose cannon, I go with the flow, not lookin back, been chillin with the old heads they were suprisxed i could hang and, back to the point haha literally or figuratively is the question... im not gonna keep you waitin or leave yall hangin, i hate cliff hangers, make me wait 45 five minutes leave me jonesin’ its slow goin like grindin that ‘crete in the hangers polishin’ that baby out and coatin with some apoxy, its a process, i just get my drugs, whate=vers around and hit bangersz til i pass out, thatsx how my life has been goingg, i feel like im in the chambers just waiting to be gassed out. Flip the fuuckin switch you fuckin pussy end all this malcontent and hate, make itt black, eternal reest at loast.. dress me up real nice maybe a sharp vest, go through the processions and go through the motions fucking burn my body bitches, i want to be in the ocean ive always felt drawn to it, like an unexplainable,, unatainable unfakeable feeling or notion. im happiest sippin a coctail right by the ocean, thats where you put me to rest... ill be pissed as fuck dont treat me like a fucking ruck; i beenn aroound, age is but a number, my knowledge is vast and profound, ya thats right bitch im fuckin educated, know more tthan you will learn in your life time and im 20 years, old get what im sayin? i dont got a big heaad im actually humble, just at my breaking point. if i was a volcanoe you would feel the rumble; the pre-emptive signs of an eruption pre-determineed in the creator’s mind he took his divine time to find a wayy to grin away the time it took to find the book i bind when al i want is to be stress free and unwind but im the opposite wound up liike the grandfather clock i wish i could stop , the wheels are in motion the gears are set to full speed the feels keep comin i got this itch; this notion, this inkling to stop minglin, stop wastin my time with u useless fuccks. i think its time, its not the end my journey, just started this epic tale of sorrow, my feelings have departed, im fuckingg frozen over colder than ice, dry ice. cant touch me im full of hate and vice, addictive personality on a suicide mission like a ffucking missionary willing to die for his faithh,. i wish man willing to be a martyr for his religion.. ya bitch i smoke stoges in the hotel room just send the bill to him if it comes to me itll end up in the fucking rubbish bin with a looggie on top coughin up brown shit to young for that talk, to young for heart disease pack and a half a day to try to keep my miind at ease, the stress is buildin im like a tickin time bomb, im so wound up like a clock rigged to blow mount vesuvius, a test nuke... the alarm is soundinn off. A bright flash like a million lightning strikes, bout to pop off.. but atleast with style got my limited eddition nikes, listen to me i soound like them, listen to me bitching like a fucking fem, bottle it up, thats what society saays, male suicide is at an all time high like two polar opposites due to wed, its never gonna work im always going to be sad im always going to hurt, no fuck it, im a lock it up and throw away the key, im gonna forget about all this shit and be a fuckin G, be hardcore like the brothhers, leave bitches cryin in the street like aall our fuckin mothers, 32 degrees ferenhiet tatted on my left pec it signifies the tempture of my heart no longer warm and red, its frozen over, it hardly beats, that shit is smaler than the grinches, i turned into what they want me to be, a danger to society, getthe fuck outa myface before i shoo,t b, I got nothing to lose, living for nothing, nada, goose eggs nigga dont give a fuck reckless, no regard for life i dont give two fucks a partridge in a ghetto street, aint no merry christmas song, i like my biches thick and dirty wearin'n some fesh tomy thongs, i use em abuse and enthuse them then ruse thm excusse them fuckin confusethem "why you so distaant all of the suden" keep the vow of silence, like a monk on a holy missio, a friar on a divine quest, sending telepathic messages look into my eyes and see, get the fuck out i was never real these feelings meant nothing to me manipulator, manipulationist making up woprds never been a relationist, the masster of his craft a ventrilliquist or a puppet master you were to blind to see, mama was right just a socio path, ya bitch tell your 7 year old child that; see how long his chipper attitude lasts, im lower than nothing, not even a worm maybe i could bbe a fucking tick suckin blood, noting left of the kid i used to be, no more self worth, i cant love you when i cant love myself, how you expect me to support you when all i do is grab a spoon andd melt all the money thaat comes my way, a junkie, bum destined for an early death and you think yous my bride to be, sorry hun you reaad me wrong, i know its hard cause bitches never know whats goin on inside my head, as i lay in bea,d staring off to somewhere, anywhere but next toyou, staring off into space thinking about my drug abuse, asking myself why, but i know the answer ready to die, but i think ill get a lapper frm one more danceer, i wanna go out in style, not som lame shit maybe go up to a mountain and stand on a cliff, look down, see wher im destined to end up as i take the safety off, finger carressing the trigger, a cool wind blows as i prepare to leave my loved ones bitter, surprised they sstayed aound thislong only ever let em down ever since i was young, never good enough always disappointing this rap comes so easily writing it like noothing, to get this off my chest as theend comes near, i shaped my own destiny i chose to die, now i chose to die here, fuk your beliefs and your faith in gods plan i took my life intomy own fucking hands, i think we all know einstiens theory of insanity, i been doin the same shit fr so long now exspectin shit to change and, i guess im insane.. i took my brilliiant, my sharp mind and put it to waste. its time to pull the inevitable, the good die young idk in this case if thats viable, im scummy i did whatever it took to get my fix to kill that pitt in my tummy. i hurt people close, i stole from my famil.y.. its time to end it, like i caqme into the world, by myself always alone, soemthing that my father toldme that really stuck, its cynical as fuck, but he was right. he said stay out of the bullshit the groggy muck. Only lookout for yourself son, ive been arounnd awhile, [people dont give a fuck about anyone else they care only for themselves, in the end at the most critical time they will always choose them instead of some one else. We are alone in this wrld and its the hard truth jut learn not to ddepend on others while you are still in your youth, ive been fucked over to many times by people i thought i was very close to. now im out to get mines me and only me you and only you, get that fucking look on ur face sorry for beeing real and telling the truth, im trying to prepare your for whats ahead, im tryig to prevent you from depending on a brutus who will fill you with lead, stab you in the back for their own personnal gain, being to trustworthy is a heroic flaw like being egotistical, wanting to help your friends to much, being aragont ect. kryptonite to super man pease dont be batman and let it be yourr bane, bane as in the villian to let you know. im back, here are my words again not my dads, ji really do miss all the relationships i had, havent spoken to my dad in years tookk one for theteam stayed with mama dukese inj the ssplit to save faace, foir my innocent younger brothers. you know what shes also my motheer, shes not capable of surviving alone i didnt think i would abandon her ever i thought id never do that, i stuck with her out of evveryone, a family oof six she looked out for me in times of strife wish i could give her one last kiss, just shot my last 20 and i fucin missed, absesses dont matte any more i bet this 45 shoots true time for the finale, no way i can miss, as the curtains close on my young life one last thought people really took to me, like white on rice, women were drawn to me the mystery i had them enticced, June baby as a cancer i am hard to understand i met a chick once who had a spot in my liifes bnd, she knew me we had a connection so much love we were never disrespectin im glad i could atleast i could teach hersome shit before she ripped my beeating heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Loved hermore than life and i still do i promised her one day i would find her and marry her, walkher down that isle say the words ido, she felt what i felt i know its tru, wasnt ready fgor commitment baby i wil alwayslove yo never orget you if i can i connect with you, like a disease i infected you i aways broght you downi was just baggage extra wait holing you down dragging around im glad youo saw through my snake charming ways saw me for who i was a bumm who couldnt change noot in a short number of days, someone so crippled by pain and grief it was beyond belief, she was the only one i wore my heart on my sleeve for , she lef me sobbinig, crrying violently without end in the door the doorway to more pain. i know she had no choice she had to live her lifee i was just in he way, i was obscuring her focus. eye on the prize isthe only way to achieve your goals and tnt them fuckin boulders, in your way, today i die babe, long time comin bet yall thought i was here to stay. baby l dontshed a tear kno i died drinkin a beer haha but nah you were my last thoughts thinking about all the time we spent getting lost in eachothers eyes and gettin so close we read eachothers thougts, illl miss or idk if ill be concious or just nothjingness, i guess ill fnd out when i finally stop being a pussy and proced with this, see ya velma ill always be your shaggy thinka bout me and dont forget what i made you see, in your self im just another memory on our shelf but let it bbe one thaat sticks we had somethingthat made ssense just clicks somethin that felt so right im really gonn miss, everythinig abnout you im sorry you couldnt trust me but i dont doubt why. i know the truth ive never denied a thing in my life, dont getme wrong everybody tells a little white lie, but you know what its a sign of intelligence not to be afraid to say idk not to lie for the hll of it. Ill see you soon in the nxt life or two i hope reincarnatiuon has a possibility of being true, godbye cruel world th ride is over it was a hell of a whirl, i leave you with absolutely nohing conntributted i was just a part o the cancer people had to live with, butnever acknowledgedd, acted ignoant to ther surroundings as daddy paid for college, i burned bright and hot and had a lot of fun, i had alot of life experienc got alot of shit done, nothing productivee of course in ssocieties eyes but i did fullfill atleast some personal goals, important things in my eyes, the curtains are almost done descending as my pittiful life is ending, but keep your pitty mother fuckers i dont want shit from any of you i dont give yoou nothin dont be so self righteous you look like a bunch of fools, greive for me or celebrate my life i guess its on you how you chhoose to rfemmeber a nobody that nobody knew, a couple feet before the curtains drop, is that? myy eyes decieving? me? no i do see that a single rose descends from the skies, i stare intently at the work of art, a rose is soo beautiful, a representation of love, from the heart, so delicate with its velvet petals, easily ruined a boket wouldve been nice, but who am i fooling, thats a beautiful thing, that was really nice. the product bubbles as i take my last hit of ice, cant takemy eyes off that rose.. its so beautiful... the gun on my forhead now, looking at each individual pedals.. dew from the early mornin forming a small puddle around that naturral phenom, that iconic organic, spectaacular symbol of sometthing real, somethin that matters, something sensual.

As the bits of his brain splatter behid him, arms spread; with grace, almost angelic.he falls off the ciff a hundred feet now for falling, weird but there was a look of peace in his eyes; on his face, maybe he wll finally find happiness.. he fell with nobility and so much grace the floor he hit, his finall restingplace, what cuold be a better box then a natural setting, a beaauty of nature, crawling all around and he will return to the earth, the mother wll take him back just as she gave birth, i thinnk this shit is over now its not my story to tell, inside voices kids no reason to yell. shhhhhhhhhhh.

dont depend dont believe the [enter here]

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