#and i only read oph book 1 so if it gets worse......

[retvenkos]

for the fandom ask: playchoices, for old times' sake? (or just blades if that's too vast)

lol, i’m going to to all of playchoices for the spice™

The first character I first fell in love with: i think one of the first li’s i ever truly loved unconditionally was prince hamid. i can’t remember 100% if i read desire and decorum or the elementalists first, but i’m pretty sure it was desire and decorum, and prince hamid came for my heart. imagine being that good looking, that sweet, that funny, and just overall amazing? i for one, cannot. prince hamid was like.... you’re not quite sure if you love sir luke, huh? well bet because i’m stealing your heart. wow. what a man.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: this goes out to my beloved diego soto-ortiz because i originally read endless summer and was amazed, but then i replayed it with diamonds and !!!!!! wow. that’s probably one of the few books where diamonds are a must. anyway, while reading it i grew extra attached to diego for no reason other than the fact that he’s amazing.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: for a moment i was going to put jake mckenzie from endless summer but he’s alright. i’m actually putting dr. ethan ramsey because i PLAYED open heart for a diamond mine and my GOD, i couldn’t escape him. they really tried to make him the main li but i was in love with rafael? and dr. ethan ramsey was just there. making ‘rookie’ jokes that only nik ryder can get away with, and confusing my mc’s thoughts. 

The character I love that everyone else hates: i actually stick with the popular opinion a lot, lol, but i love literally everyone from endless summer and yes, unfortunately that includes aleister rourke. he’s bland and surly but at least they didn’t make him an li and shove him down our throats (dr. ramsey, i’m looking at you).

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: uhhh... i want to say damien nazario? i used to like him a decent amount, but i haven’t played perfect match in a long time, and i keep seeing memes about him and his ~damien-ness~ so i have to say i’m not longer super charmed. maybe a replay would fix that.

The character I would totally smooch: griffin langley? andy kang? mal volari?

The character I’d want to be like: lol, i so badly want to be the mc from blades and the mc from endless summer. they were truly a gift to humanity. the mc from desire and decorum was amazing, too. imagine pumping out these mcs and then making witness and the nanny affair.....

The character I’d slap: i never finished my two first loves but mason (the best friend) deserves a good slap for some of his earlier behavior. i’d also love to slap tyril for no other reason than i want to see the look on his face. 

A pairing that I love: the mc from high school story: class act and ajay bhandari deserve the whole world, i print no retractions. also, the mc from the heist: monaco and rye? deserving of SO many rights. also.... rye and eris from the same book are the perfect chaotic friendship. we stan. also, in desire and decorum, literally anyone you hook briar up with is sweet. i love both of the options.

A pairing that I despise: i don’t ~despise~ any pairings (except for dr. ramsey and literally anyone) but i one time saw a really beautiful edit of mal and nia from blades and while i admire the skill of the artist..... i simply do not ship it. i just get younger sister vibes with mal and nia. that is all.

--

SEND ME A FANDOM

#mutuals #ask game #the ONLY crime i will commit is the murder of dr. ethan ramsey #i was going to put him in the slap category but i do not wish to simply slap this man #i want to full on DECK him #and i only read oph book 1 so if it gets worse...... #me @ my mutuals: get in loser; we're going to kill dr. ethan ramsey. #but lol that's assuming i ever go back onto that app #i haven't been on in so long.... a real shame #i should just reread blades. as therapy. as a treat.

[bubblebabbles]

one.ten.nineteen

I’ve been meaning to sit down and write this for over a week, but of course I keep getting sucked back into the Sims and YouTube nonsense. I just recently finished the first season of an amazing show called Derry Girls… it’s so good!!! I haven’t laughed so hard at a show, like, ever. It’s bloody brilliant. And Brooklyn99 and The Good Place come back tomorrow. I’m so psyched even though my wisdom teeth extraction is tomorrow. I’m kind of nervous but like TGP and B99 are gonna get me through it, okay?!

I’ve been flopping on a lot of my goals for this year already. I haven’t done any art since I’ve been home, I’ve only read one book, and I’m literally just watching TV all day. I have been exercising though. I don’t know. It’s kind of like, why push myself? I really deserve a break after last semester lol. And I need to rest up before this semester. 16 units. Oh my god. I have been prereading for 170B. I’m behind schedule though lol. What’s new. It’s fine. I’m trying to work on not getting mad at myself for this kind of stuff. It’s like whatever. It’s a forking vacation. There’s only so much one can do, right?

I’ve only gotten lonely once this whole break. I’m really proud of myself. And I’ve been applying for so many internships!!! I don’t know if I’ll get any but I’ve been making phone calls and writing emails and being an ADULT. Balance is key. Right? Lol.

Lol doesn’t even mean “laughing out loud” anymore. It’s more like *nervous self-doubt chuckles*. Like haha I know I did something I shouldn’t have but I still did it lol. It’s a really great word. I don’t think it’s been officially redefined as such. It should be. Or it can be Gen Z’s dirty little secret. I think millennials still use it differently.

Should I be writing by hand? I feel as though that gives me more anxiety. When I type it, it’s easier to forget it exists. I can just post it somewhere and it’s out of my hands. Ya feel? It’s like sending a letter that no on will ever read or receive. It’s kind of perfect. You can just have a full inner monologue and it’s not trapped in your head anymore. Except there are still some things that I think I might feel worse about if I write them down? [...] I mean they’re just generally really self-centered and inconsiderate. Ugh I’m getting an angry feeling in my chest. It’s like in Jane the Virgin where their hearts glow except in this case it’s in the center of my chest and it’s like icy hot pain.

Can anxiety be described as icy hot pain? ‘Cause that’s kind of what it is lol.

Anyway, I’m getting off track. Currently listening to OPH part 1 for the first time. It’s kind of hard to find. But it’s great so farrrrrrrrr. I love Bastille. Saw them in concert recently. It was AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING. They’re so TALENTED. I wish I could be half as good at anything as Dan is at singing.

Okay, okay, what I really wanted to do in this was talk about what I want to do this year in terms of my mental health.

First off: I want to just keep to myself more. I did this at the beginning of last semester, and I think it was useful. To be honest, it’s kind of my natural instinct anyway. The problem during the Year of here was that I was trying to hard to act as a “normal college student” but I just don’t fit that mold. I was always fine being on my own. So I want to continue just appreciating that. That doesn’t mean that I’ll be inconsiderate or self centered (unlike some people) since that’s not who I am either. I just don’t want to tell anyone my business because I always feel shirtty after I do. Yes, that’s the only word I can use to describe it at the moment. There are other ways but this will suffice.

Like, I just want to try and appreciate myself more. Instead of trying to understand other people. Actually, I kind of just want to try analyzing people’s MBTI and signs and stuff. It’s kind of fun. I need to get better at it though lol.

I want to start therapy again, too. I need to work on my confidence and self esteem and understanding my relationships with other people. Also the doctor said I should and I should listen to her. And Mamma said to as well. Ugh I have to CALL people though. About THERAPY. :/

I really, really, really, want to write and draw more. I need to flesh out my moving to Corfu fantasy! I need an escape. It just makes me feel so warm and happy. Running around meadows, singing, swimming in the crystal clear aqua sea… living in a cottage or something… it’s truly a dream. I want to create a fantasy world I can escape into. Because I probably won’t be able to do it in my real life.

Greece.

Have to learn Devanagari first though haha. More practical. Oh right that’s also a goal for this year.

Like Mamma said, people who can just be with themselves are underappreciated. I want to be like those people.

Good night x