#and if we factor in how the 'real-life siegfried' died

[roominthecastle]

ACGaS 303, “Surviving Siegfried” + 3 times he slips into a dark place & 3 times she pulls him back

That’s a letter from an old AVC friend, Maurice Oliver. I got it about a month ago. He was the chap in the photo you found. He had a practice up in Brawton. He and I went through some things together -- terrible things. He killed himself last week. Barbiturates. I’ve been reading it over and over and over, trying to see if there was anything I might’ve missed. If I could’ve found something, done something to help him. But he seems happy. [voice cracks] He talks about his plans for the summer. | Maurice needed help. No one was there to give it to him... but we are here now.

#all creatures great and small #samuel west #anna madeley #siegfried x audrey #mine #tw suicide #their dynamic has such a striking choreography within this ep #every time he starts to sink she immediately *instinctively* appears to keep him afloat #'are we still in the land of the living?' YES #apart from his duty to his younger brother her presence is the other reason #that's kept him from ending up like maurice i suspect #and i think slowly but surely he is starting to grasp the full extent of this fact #it begins here and crystalizes in the kitchen at christmas #in the aftermath of another breakdown #in 'you always know what's best for me' #in physically reaching out for her #she is a life ring in a storm as mrs pumphrey put it #and if we factor in how the 'real-life siegfried' died #i.e. suicide via an overdose of barbiturates following audrey's death #all this just makes me feel... well... a lot #and makes what happens in the christmas ep even more painful #that's where this pattern breaks #that's where she doesn't reach for him and walks away #and i'm not blaming her at all #but i hope he starts paddling #preferably after her #it is time dude #like your timing is awful as ever but there is still hope