#and it coooouuld have been one of my family members who used it but i doubt it because they know i don't like sharing mugs and glasses etc

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

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#i hate that i'm like this but the girl we're hosting used my mug and it makes me irrationally angry #like #i didn't ever tell her ''hey don't use this mug because i have my own stuff and i don't like cross contaminating'' #so i KNOW i have no right to be angry #and it coooouuld have been one of my family members who used it but i doubt it because they know i don't like sharing mugs and glasses etc #but either way this is just a symptom of how chaotic i feel in my own house and i hate myself for being like this #i never say anything because i KNOW its crazy people talk to be like ''hey that's my seat. why? because i always sit there and like it?'' #and i know it doesn't affect anyone how the spoons are organized and how the plates are stacked and where the pots are stored #but its just infuriating to see things in places where (in my mind system) they don't go #i know it's the autism but that has never found me any sort of sympathy in my family (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so i can't say that #and if i skirt around it and say ''i like things a certain way and not having them like that causes me severe emotional distress'' #it makes me seem controlling and abusive (which are things my mom has implied i am when i explain these things to her) #i know the real reason for these issues isn't our guest but also at this point she isn't our fucking guest because SHE'S BEEN HERE A MONTH #and she is clearly overstaying her welcome imo #i don't say anything because i'm not a mean person but i'm sure everyone around me can tell i'm stressed about something #i just need my space back but i don't even feel like i have a claim over that cuz mexican families are full of the ''my house my rules'' bs #which is untrue because a) the house isn't even owned by my parents anymore #(they made some stupid financial choices years ago and my uncle had to buy the house from them or risk foreclosure) #and b) we're all adults (except my brother obviously) and we all contribute however we can #so i should have some say in how i feel if i'm living here imo #and i am trying to make money however i can so i can move out soon #but just going out twice a week has me like this i can't imagine working a traditional job atm #(i did apply for a grant for autistic people of color so hopefully something will come of that) #anyways that was my rant i'm just really stressed and constantly on the brink of a meltdown #it's not this random girls fault #she just happens to be the final drop in my very very small bucket very often these days #(y'know because she's a fucking stranger in my house and i hate having to mask in my own home idk i'm awful i probably won't post this)