#and it’s. I said this to topsy the other day but it approaches caricature

[exopelagic]

one day I’ll stop vagueposting abt The Guy but that day is not today

#combination of him being weird again today and finding the notes I wrote when it was happening #i went and sat with our mutual friend before a meeting earlier which was fine #and then when I leave I see him on the other side of this divider thing just out the corner of my eye #so he was definitely avoiding me! I now have confirmation bc he’d been with other friend during the class before #and if it was anyone else I know for sure he would’ve said hi to her #banking on plausible deniability bc I walked pretty quick and didn’t turn around it’s not unreasonable to assume I didn’t see him #but I KNOW those two talked abt it afterwards #if she brings it up tonight in front of everyone I’m going to kill her <3 #anyway I found the notes I’d written out for myself back then bc I was having trouble sorting through my thoughts more than usual #and they helped me organise what I was thinking and come to some kinda resolution on my own bc he was giving me nothing <3 #and it’s. I said this to topsy the other day but it approaches caricature #I’d forgotten how concretely bad it was #like he turned me into his science experiment bc he was scared of liking someone #(specifically a guy but that’s a dimension we’re not getting into that) #I’d forgotten abt how he was testing me constantly in like. not an overt way #but he clearly either thought he was way better at subtlety than he was or he severely underestimated me. probably both #and despite me going a little insane over him I was in fact being mostly sane! I had some level of emotional maturity going on there! #I was just worried abt everything but i at least knew what the fuck I was feeling and had resolved to just be open about it all and I did it #there is genuinely a bit in there abt how I wanted to apologise for how I would sometimes get distracted when he was talking bc he was cute #I wanted to apologise abt being awkward being thrown in unexpectedly to meet everyone he’d ever talked to #where I wrote abt how I’m learning from my mistakes and I know what the problem was now #dude???? you have anxiety???? this is how that works???? #these are not the worst examples I just cba to dig back through that note it’s so long #anyway mr guy you are annoying as fuck pls get your shit together #this was all meant to be over if he could like maybe make up his mind on following me vs avoiding me that’d be great <3 #luke.txt