#where I wrote abt how I’m learning from my mistakes and I know what the problem was now

[thedawningofthehour]

for the dvd commentary thing - im not sure if it fits under 500 words or if u can even remember what u were thinking since u wrote it like last year , but the scene in arc 1 chapter 8 where draxum n donnie talk abt sun tzu n mythology n names ?

That is...yes, that's quite a bit longer, about 1300, but lucky for you I'm very narcissist and love talking about my shit. (and nobody else sent one in)

“You’ve read Sun Tzu.” Draxum is just looking at him, with a quirked eyebrow and a small smile on his face. For some reason, Donnie’s face flushes. “Well, yeah.” He looks down. “I’ve always loved reading, and it’s not that long. What, did you know him or something?” “He was a bit before my time.” Okay, he’s actually smiling now. It’s creepy. “But his work is quite illuminating.” “I’m surprised you’ve read it. He was a human, after all. A warring human. Aren’t you against that?” “Only fools believe they have nothing to learn from their opponents.” “So you’ll apply that to a two-thousand-year-old book, but not to modern humans?” Donnie tugs on his cuffs. “You know you missed, like, the entire point Sun Tzu was trying to make, right? His entire philosophy was that using violence is rarely the best way to get what you want and conflicts are better solved diplomatically.” “And he also said that when you do draw your bow, to draw your strongest arrow.” “Yes, but only if-” “Do you not think there have been attempts to address our conflict with the humans diplomatically?” Draxum says shortly. “You think you’ve seen the extent of this war. This has gone on much longer than you. Longer than me, even.”

So that took influence from a podcast I enjoy:

The whole thing is a fake talk show radio program from a fictional city with sort a sort of surreal-absurdist vibe going on. (one episode depicts a political debate that devolves into an argument over whether the crawdad people would vote for them and one candidate's treatment of the alligator king, for example) Also not the only reference to this podcast in this fic; this is where Tubby Dan's Barbecue and its various trials Bella mentions are from. He actually has a commercial later on in this episode.

I also have not been able to find the exact quote he uses. This guy might just be trolling me. But I figured, Donnie's fifteen, even if it is a fake quote that's the kind of mistake a fifteen-year-old would make.

“I’m just saying-” “No, you will listen to me on this occasion. Look around you, boy. Think of where we are, think of who we are.” “We’re a turtle and a goat-man in your lab. I can’t really look at much else.” The slap takes him by surprise. It doesn’t particularly hurt, but he feels quite confident by now in how far he can push Draxum before he uses physical force, and he hadn’t reached that point. “The Hidden City is under New York City,” Draxum says quietly. “You have more experience with the world above than I do, so let me ask. Does it feel like New York City?” Donnie shakes his head, his cheek still stinging. “Why do you think that is?” “I assumed it was because the Hidden City is a lot older? New York is only about three hundred years old, and almost everything up there was built in the last century,”

(noooo a typo)

(I literally just went back and edited a nearly year-old chapter right now, it's all fixed dw)

But for real, New York is an infant of a city. I know the Hidden City is under New York because the turtles live in New York, they've always lived in New York-but I wanted it to make sense why.

So my idea was that the Hidden City isn't so much under New York, but that New York was built on top of the Hidden City. They weren't even hidden at first-they just fucking lived there, cohabitating with the indigenous Lenape people, (or at the very least they left each other alone) and adapted when Europeans started their colonizing bullshit, gradually moving underground as more humans showed up and clashed with the Yokai, not understanding what they were. (The Lenape and the original colonizers didn't really know either, but there was an understanding of bro just don't ask questions that was gradually lost as more and more people settled there) Part of the reason it became 'gestures to all of New York' is because of the presence of the Yokai and all their nonsense. So basically-the chicken came before the egg, and the Hidden City is that chicken. Or one of them. You can decide whether they did the fucking or laid the egg.

“You are…correct in that observation, yes. The Hidden City is much older.” Draxum glances off to the side. “But think of what is here. Think of where it came from.” “Well, yes, the culture here is heavily East Asian. Even the name Yokai originated in Japan.” “Think about that. Why are so many Yokai from that area? New York is on the other side of this continent. It is not a simple journey.” “I assumed there was some portal.” “There was, but by design. Why did they come here?” “I’ve met Yokai that are definitely European.” “Very few. Think about why that is.” Donnie glances up. “Fewer Yokai in other parts of the world.” “We were actually more widespread in some areas. Why do you think you do not see our brothers and sisters from the Horn of Africa? The Maghreb? From the islands of the great Pacific? They existed, my boy. Ask me why they are not here.” Donnie is silent. Draxum looks over him, his eyes narrowed and cold. “The Hidden City is the last of its kind. There are no other communities like this elsewhere in the world, not anymore. So I will ask you again, boy. Why are there so many Yokai here from Asia? And why are the Yokai of the rest of the world not here?” Donnie remains silent. “Answer me, boy.” “I understand.” “I want you to say it.” “Humans killed them.” Donnie focuses on the ceiling. 

Another one of those 'try to make the lore of the fucking ninja turtles show realistic' decisions. I know the reason they're called Yokai and why there's so much East Asian influence is because they are Ninja and this is a show about Ninjas and the writers wanted to harp on that, but it doesn't really make sense from a lore perspective.

I mean, think of where New York is. Pre flying, pre Panama Canal, the Far East and New York couldn't have really been more far apart. To get from Japan to New York by ship, you had to sail across the Pacific, down the west coast of both north and south America, around Cape Horn, back up the east coast all the way from Argentina to the fucking northeastern tip of the United States. Or land in Washington and cross the entire continent on foot. (I know they have portals but that's not the point, okay?) Like, unless there was a really big, heavy traffic natural portal from the Hidden City to Japan it just doesn't make sense for that to be the primarily culture. Especially considering the Crying Titan, canonical father of all Yokai, is under New York. If there was going to be a higher concentration of Yokai in any peoples, it would be the native people of North America. Because that's where the goddamn empyrean is flowing.

But we see pretty much no obvious First Nations influence. We get some East Asian and some European, all under a heavily Americanized umbrella. I mean, yes, they did this because this is a show marketed to American children and that's what's recognizable to them, but still. I needed it to make sense.

And it gave me the perfect frame to hang a blood-soaked backdrop.

“So you do understand.” Donnie presses his lips together. “I don’t think all humans deserve to die for it.” “I don’t think so either.” He must look surprised, because Draxum looks down at him, amused. “What? Deserve is a rather heavy word. I’m not speaking of deserving. I’m speaking of survival. Humans and Yokai cannot coexist. One of us will destroy the other. I do not intend to allow my people to languish in the dark while the humans choke us out.”

This is really the cornerstone of Draxum's beliefs. Yes, he's acting out of hatred and anger, but I didn't want that to be his whole thing. That's not as compelling, and Draxum's intelligent enough to need a concrete reason. And I mean...from his perspective, relations with humans have always gone sour eventually. And his people end up paying the price for that in blood.

“What makes you so sure?” “It has been foretold.” “What, like a prophecy?” “Exactly. There is a prophecy that predicts-” “You haven’t read much Greek literature, have you?” Donnie shifts in his binds. “Oedipus? Cronos? Or are those guys too old for you too? Let’s see, we have the Mahabharata. Macbeth. Sun, Moon, and Talia. Have you read Harry Potter?” “What-” Draxum closes his eyes. “Child, what in the world are you talking about?” “Those are all stories of self-fulfilling prophecies. In every one of those stories, the actions taken to avoid the prophecy cause it to come to fruition. Cronos eats his kids because he was told one of them would overthrow him, but that just makes his kid angry enough to do it. Talia is foretold to be killed by a splinter of flax, so her father bans flax from the house. The first time she sees someone spinning flax, she doesn’t know what it is and pricks her finger due to her curiosity and inexperience.” “...Why would a splinter of flax kill her?” “I always assumed there was some context lost in the translation, because that part never really made sense. Anyway, the point is that trying to prevent the prophecy just made things worse. It likely never would have come true, if people had simply done nothing.”

I'd like to call back to Draxum's speech to the Shredder in the finale. He does his big dramatic betrayal because he realizes that the prophecy foretelling the destruction of the Yokai was not the humans, but Shredder himself.

But he conveniently leaves out his own role in that. Draxum brought the Shredder back. Even before factoring in the orb he gave Big Mama, pulling Karai from her hell dimension, even without the work he did recovering the cursed metal-like, even if the Foot got every piece of armor the could get their hands on without him, they still wouldn't have finished it because Splinter had the last piece. And there's no way Splinter would have allowed it to be taken. Even Draxum couldn't defeat him in combat. The only reason Splinter gave it up was to save his sons-the sons that were shown kicking the Foot's ass all episode. If it was just them, they couldn't have captured the turtles. No Draxum, no Shredder.

Which makes the entirety of Rise a self-fulfilling prophecy in itself. In trying to destroy what he thought was the greatest threat to his people, Draxum created the very thing that could end them.

“No, it would have been a regular prophecy, like Cassandra predicting the fall of Troy.” “So you do know your Greek literature!” Donnie almost smiles at that. “Potentially. But far more likely that the prophecy simply doesn’t come to pass, like the thousands of other prophecies that are forgotten. We only hear about the ones that come true, after all. And from a simply mathematical standpoint, some of them must come true.” “I understand what you’re trying to do, and I understand your point. But you are a child playing at war.”

Yeah, he doesn't have a good answer here. So he just dismisses Donnie's point. Reminds me of my own dad!

“Well, maybe you need a child’s point of view,” Donnie huffs, rolling his eyes. “Have you ever thought maybe you’re too far into this to see what you’re doing?” He expects Draxum to call him names again, but he’s quiet for an uncharacteristic amount of time. Donnie turns his head, seeing Draxum leaning against his desk, a very far-away look in his eyes. “I know I was,” he finally says, so softly Donnie almost doesn’t hear him. “But I realized my mistake. I pulled out of it before it was too late.” He turns back to Donnie. “That’s why you’re here.”

A callback to Cass telling Draxum that the armor would kill him. Because really, Draxum's plan was stupid. He barely knew anything about this armor, the Foot, why they were so willing to give him this power. Yet he didn't ask questions. He didn't do any research. He trusted the Foot-humans, who had no love for his people and no reason to help him. Yet he plunged in. He was so enamored with the dark armor's power, so obsessed and blinded by bloodlust that he didn't stop to think about any of this. Not until Cass basically slapped him across the face and told him to snap out of.

And then he realized. He'd almost died-and died horribly, feeding a leashless monster. That was how lost he was in his bid for power. He had a whole-ass personal crisis before deciding to take up kidnapping as a hobby.

Donnie raises an eyebrow. “Kidnapping me was the less extreme option.” “Correct.” “I mean, yes, kidnapping one turtle isn’t as bad as unleashing a literal demon, but like…you couldn’t have found some middle ground?” “You’re my strongest arrow,” he replies simply. And it feels like someone’s dumped ice water over him. “Don’t be angry. I tried to compromise with you. I would have let you keep your name and your family, but you’re the one who refused to meet me in the middle.” Donnie just looks off to the side. “Think about it.” Draxum approaches his table, reaching out and grasping Donnie’s shackled hand, fingers curling around him like a claw. “You’re going to help me protect Yokai and mutants alike. We will do great work together, and when I lead my people into the sun with you by my side, your name will go down in history.” He does a little smile at that, like it’s a pleasant thought. “You just have to tell me what you want that name to be.”

I was kind of hoping someone would catch onto this. At this point, Draxum is still considering Donnie (or rather, his fantasy son who doesn't have a name yet) to be an accessory to his power. Like yeah, he wants him to be revered and rewarded after the fighting is done, but when the history books are written he'd be a chapter in Draxum's book. The next time he mentions the whole 'lead our people into the sun' thing, he says they'll do it 'side-by-side' because he now considers Galois an equal, and as time goes on he will eventually see himself as the person meant to help Galois on his path and set him up as the true savior of the Yokai.

#doth asks #donatello #baron draxum

[cubedmango]

Just had to get this off my chest but I just rewatched episode 12 and when I tell you the tears would NOT stop flowing like I have the nastiest headache right now I can’t believe myself?? There’s just. There was so much going on there like the fact that I realised I actually like tsuge and his character like his friendship with adachi is so solid and I realised that the conversation he had with him in the cafe, was exactly what he kinda should have had with kurosawa? (Like yeah they do eventually on the rooftop) but like that reassurance that the magic wasn’t what would make their relationship stable it was them actually just communicating with each other and getting to learn abt e/o that way, mistakes included like OOF I thought it was really nice cause it had the romantic aspect with him and kurosawa, but also him realising that it applies for any relationship including his friendships with people too I just. Man I love how they placed so much importance and value on all kinds of relationships with people you come across in life :( AND THEN the rooftop scene oh jeez,,, something funny I always wondered about was how long adachi was riding that bike cause we went from broad daylight to nighttime but ANYWAY can I just say hearing kurosawa say ‘adachi?’ In that soft, unsure voice as though he couldn’t believe his eyes felt like m*rder I had to pause and collect myself . also can I just say I forgot. How tender that entire scene is like that’s when I truly broke down because Are They Insane. What do you mean they have an entire conversation with kurosawa literally cradling the back of adachi’s head and there’s a moment there where he re-adjusts his hand and closes his eyes to breathe and naina I- I’m losing my mind why,, why did they have to invent gentle intimacy like that WHY? Okay lemme stop myself because I’m realising I could talk about that scene for 10 hours straight but can we seriously focus on the fact that even though they literally broke up kurosawa was ready to essentially propose if adachi somehow still showed up for their date. Like the levels to that make my head spin and i’m not even gonna touch on the fact that adachi immediately starts crying after that cause I will lay down and never get up like it probably set in again that the love kurosawa has for him is unconditional and like he just mentioned that he couldn’t possibly fathom anyone else having his heart apart from adachi like oh…. I’m so sorry this is unbelievably long but lastly I just wanna say that I know for sure they were called in the next day after kissing in the lift for a meeting with hr

1) do not apologize ever . actually u should send me more of these i need to read all of them ur thoughts are like tasty treats for my brain

2) honestly i thought i had nothing to add but actually i remembered a detail ive seen literally no one talk about that makes me so insane . so u remember how tsuge mentions that minato heard from rokkaku about krdc being off at work and thats why tsuge came to talk to adachi and ultimately gave him the push to go see kurosawa. Like?? rokkaku being that worried about his seniors who he cares about So Much is the One Single Reason krdc even met again that day .???? and then him and fujisaki doing their own fireworks show just to maybe make "someone feel happier" ouughghfgghhh ,, ,. rokkaku ultimate protector of the gays i love he.........

3) also tiny detail during the bit where adachi says he regrets it and hes being all self-deprecating and u can See kurosawa shaking his head not wanting adachi to talk about himself like that. whhwt .. why. who thought. w. hey ?? did they think about me?????? when they wrote that????????? Huh??????????????????????

4) why would u remind me of the head cradle i feel sick i .. i have to watch the scene 10 times again excuse me

5) again. the fact that kurosawa considered an Actual Miracle that adachi would show up and probably believed it wouldnt happen but he bought the pens anyway . and he knew adachi would be too embarrassed about rings. head in hands i cannot , fucking do this this show makes me so Unwell!!!!! Its Fucked UP !!!!!!!!!

#also the hr thing hellpdfkdfjk imagine krdc being called in and told ''look ur business is ur business but pls remember office cctv exists'' #arrgghghhg ep12 truly one of the finales in a drama ever . literally perfection i think #(ignore the fact that i made up a whole au where it doesnt happen and everything is 100 times more painful . sometimes i get masochistic) #my answer

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

iida for character opinion bingo!

[ID: a bingo board labeled “character opinion bingo”. It has a dark blue background with white text, and contains 25 squares, which are labeled as follows:

1) “everyone but me is wrong about them <3” 2) “im obsessed with their character arc” 3) “they got done dirty by the fans” 4) “they got done dirty by the creator/s” 5) “wasted potential” 6) “ADOPTION PAPERS ADOPTION PAPERS FILING THE ADOPTION PAPERS” 7) “I am constantly going insane rotating them in my brain like a fork in a microwave” 8) “they work better as part of a dynamic” 9) “the popular ships for this character suck” 10) “overrated” 11) “constantly listening to songs and mentally holding them up like a paint swatch” 12) “I WANT TO STUDY THEM LIKE A COCKROACH” 13) “FREE SPACE” 14) “whats wrong with them (affectionate)” 15) “whats wrong with them (derogatory)” 16) “not enough screen time” 17) “too much screen time” 18) “I would NEVER want to meet them” 19) “they’ve never done anything wrong in their life <3” 20) “my opinions would be received by most fans as akin to hitting a wasps nest with a baseball bat” 21) “this is the best character in the work.” 22) “I like them but I don’t really think about them much” 23) “I don’t really have much to say abt them” 24) “I actively dislike them” and 25) “BITING AND KILLING AND MAIMING THEM AND DEATH AND VIOLENCE”.

“I’m obsessed with their character arc”, “they got done dirty by the fans”, “they got done dirty by the creator/s”, “FREE SPACE”, “not enough screen time”, and “they’ve never done anything wrong I’m their life <3” are hi-lighted in yellow. End ID.]

IIDA MY BELOVED!!!!! I was also tempted to put “best character in the work” bc he’s definitely up there!! The fans like to boil him down to stereotypes and horikoshi wrote him out of the main trio (HOMOPHOBIC!!!! I MISS THE MIDO/IIDA/URARAKA MC TRIO! …todoroki can stay tho I like him. BUT THATS NOT RELEVANT! ANYWAYS!), but his character is so good, and though he’s confined to the background a lot of the time, his character development is very clear if you pay attention (& it’s great!!! You can SEE all the effort he puts into learning and growing, & how he pushes himself to be the best person and hero he can be!

It’s clear that he has preconceived notions about the way things are, but unlike many people Iida is always willing to listen to other people’s perspectives, and if they bring up a point he hadn’t considered/a way he was failing, he immediately apologizes and sets to reevaluating his worldview & correcting his behavior to match what he now knows!! It’s really honorable how willing he is to admit his own mistakes and work to overcome them. & yes I said he did nothing wrong fully aware of the stain murder attempt idc like obviously murder is wrong but 1) gotta respect his guts to go after a serial killer 2) he was coming from a place of grief and 3) after his unsuccessful murder attempt, he realized that he had been wrong and not acted in a heroic way, and not only changed the way he thought about heroics but also thought about stain’s motives from a more objective perspective, to the point where, after Kaminari called stain cool/apologized for thinking so, Iida admitted that he could see why Kaminari thought so. So while yes,his murder attempt was actually wrong, he has still done nothing wrong ever in his life <3

I also thought about putting “he works better as part of a dynamic”, since he is part of so many good dynamics (Uraraka & Iida & Midoriya & Todoroki & all 2 & 3 person groups within that group + him & tensei to name a few) but I also think he’s a neat guy on his own <3

Anyways this is long af but suffice it to say I LOVE Iida Tenya & he deserves more from both horikoshi & the fans (ESPECIALLY the fans 😑 some of the things ive seen people write about him…ohh boy. Hate.)!!

#bnha #iida tenya #asks #i Hope this is coherent it’s 7 am and I haven’t slept #i also thought abt putting ‘everyone is wrong abt this character but me’ but there r a few people who do Iida the justice he deserves so #Iida appreciators my beloveds <3 #anyways thanks for sending me this! i love talking about (& being so normal about) characters!! #& Iidas definitely in my top 10 bnha characters I love him sm <3 #people hate him bc of his autistic swag /hj #but not me. y’all stay safe tho

[lunaastoir]

Hi! I really enjoy your writing so is it alright if i request xiao, diluc, childe with an idol s/o where one of their old stalkers come back or they just recently had a stalker in general but with how busy they were since they’re an idol they don’t even notice? And something bad happens (i cant think of anything</3) Thank you very much !!

hi anon!! a million apologies since this is so late but i hope you like the fic <3

there also aren’t any explicit details for anything bad happening - i briefly touched on subjects that you may not have control over, i hope that’s ok! 

warning (?): struggled a bit on this prompt so i apologize in advance if this isn’t my best work LMAOO

gn! reader

tw: hints of assault, slight angst, very light abuse if you squint

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

xiao

now xiao is a very observant man but he's also extremely busy keeping liyue safe

he makes it a point to always come to your shows even if you don't actively see him bc he cares a lot abt you and he enjoys listening to your music ‼️

it's normal for him to sometimes get lost between his own world of demonslaying and the world he shares w you

so one night, he's hanging on the rafters of a house with the perfect view of your singing

everything goes smoothly, he sets his spear down while lightly swaying his head to the music

the concert ends and fans disperse after you say your farewells

a night like this is rare since for once, xiao can walk home w you back to the inn sweet boy really cleared out his schedule for you huh

you're unsurprised when you see him materialize next to you, opting to flash him a smile and a hello

his cheeks are lightly flushed as he crosses his arms before talking quietly about how well you did

he relishes in the wide smile you give him as a result of his praise and he lets the corners of his lips curve upwards slightly

the quiet bustle of the harbor seemed to slow down as the night grew longer

since this was a fairly large concert, you had boxes among boxes of equipment so xiao decided to make your life easier by quickly flying them to their appropriate locations

when he got back however, he was surprised to see you talking animatedly with someone

he didn't think anything was wrong until he saw the person trap you between the stage and words filtered into his ears

your back was painfully pressed against the stage wall as you defiantly met their gaze. after xiao had left, they had immediately come over to you: first introducing themselves as a fan and making amiable conversation, before divulging in personal details of your life that made your skin crawl. you weren’t helpless, you always had your weapon on hand regardless of whether you were performing or not. the way they pushed you against the wall however, made it near impossible to summon your sword should you need it. 

they leered down at you while balancing an arm against the wall next to your head. you had dealt with things like this before so you weren’t overly worried; you could defend yourself. you almost felt pity for the person in front of you as they asked for your number with a sadistic grin, disgusting words tumbling off of their lips. however, that was before you felt their cold fingers idly make their way to your stomach and you felt your breath hitch. oh no

the telltale sound of whooshing alerted you of xiao’s presence, and the press of the tip of his spear against their jugular brought you relief. 

“back away” he tightly growled while his golden eyes narrowed into slits. they stared at him in shock before holding their hands up and moving to step a foot away from you. 

“farther” he motioned with his spear before stepping in front of you as you attempted to collect yourself. 

“ok ok, i’m far away can you put your spear down now?” 

“no.” 

you mentally cursed as you watched the two of them glare at each other. this was supposed to be a carefree night but this unfortunate twist made the air thick with tension. you could feel the anger radiate off of xiao in waves and in an effort to deescalate the situation, you spoke. 

“i’m glad to meet such an...avid fan but i’m sorry the two of us must get going now” you hastily said before attempting to grab xiao’s hand and walk off past them. 

the next words had you halt your steps as they divulged their secret. 

words painted in careless arrogance with hints of violet overconfidence flew out of the person’s mouth - “judging from the weeks i’ve been following you, it didn’t seem like you had a boyfriend”

at the mere mention of prolonged stalking, xiao immediately lunged to pull you behind him. god, he didn’t kill mortals but he swore if he plunged his spear into this human being right here, no one would even blink twice considering how low of a person they were. 

“if i ever see you near them again, i will not hesitate to kill you. i won’t blink twice, i already have blood on my hands.” he ground out.

at the threat, the person grudgingly turned their back to you before leaving the two of you alone in the quiet harbor. 

you carefully reached a hand out to touch your boyfriend’s shoulder, but stopped after you saw the expression on his face. the mix of rage, sadness, and anguish imprinted his features as you watched his chest rapidly rise and fall - a result of his emotional battle. 

“i’m sorry i didn’t notice them before. i should’ve been paying more attention to you” he whispered before silently striding away from your grasp 

you knew that no matter how many reassurances you gave him about how, “it’s not your fault xiao, i didn’t notice them either” he would still blame himself. 

he was supposed to protect you right? so why couldn’t he sense the danger beforehand? what would’ve happened if he wasn’t there?

it’s still a learning process for him to realize that things happen, and he inevitably couldn’t be there to save you from everything. he needs time to understand and adjust. you’re willing to wait, patiently helping him through it. why? because love is worth it. 

god im sorry this ended up kinda sad whoops

diluc 

i swear everytime i say i’m a childe simp diluc kinda wrecks me

ahem anyways onto the hc!

he’s kinda never around but similar to xiao he will overwork himself to clear out an hour or two just to watch your concerts 

he’ll always stand off to the side too so if you tilt your head while you’re singing you can spy his red hair 

you always flash him the sweetest smile and this man blushes like CRAZY before quickly lifting his hand up to give you a thumbs up 

everyone watching the both of you like 😍😦

people think it’s the cutest thing i swear like c’mon the elusive “bachelor of mondstadt” being seen in public supporting you??? wow pls can we share him

he walks with you back to the winery, the entire time linking his hands with yours while gushing about your performance 

1939248/10 it’s literally the sweetest thing 

the next day however, adelinde brings you a pink letter addressed to you 

he doesn’t pry because it’s addressed to you and it’s your business but as the letters start coming by everyday, he starts to grow curious 

one day he straight up just asks you about it

“hey, you know those pink letters you keep getting? who are they from?”

you laugh slightly at his bashfulness and respond with a “just some overexcited fan” and he smiles before kissing your forehead 

he loves that people are noticing your talent 

loves it! until you get stalked by the same person who wrote you those letters while you were shopping!

diluc knows something’s wrong when you rush into angel’s share panicked after not returning his usual smile. 

“darling? are you ok?” he asks worriedly before quickly setting down the glass he was cleaning to move towards you. 

the widening of your eyes as you looked behind you at the sounds of someone else entering was all he needed to swiftly step in front of you, blocking their gaze of your face. 

the slightly panicked look in your eyes before you hurriedly whispered, “they’re following me” made diluc glance at them subtly out of the corner of his eye. he watched as they walked over to find a seat next to the bar, seemingly ready to order a drink. he quietly asked if you would like to sit in the room reserved for the employees, away from their prying eyes. your hasty nod was all the confirmation he needed for him to let you access the door behind him. 

the night went by fairly smoothly with kaeya’s usual teasing and venti’s usual begging for alcohol. diluc’s eyes narrowed however, when the person seemed to ask him questions regarding you. things like, “i heard you’re dating y/n... they’re amazing, how long have you been together?” and “do they live with you at dawn winery?” diluc answered these questions as short as he could, trying to convey with his body language that he truly did not want to talk to them. 

everything was going well until he made the mistake of leaving the bar unattended. he had briefly forgotten about your residence in the room behind him as his mind immediately gravitated to breaking up a brawl. when he returned, the half drunk glass of liquor combined with the person’s absence from their seat, caused sparks of worry to light up inside his chest. 

turning to the door, he knocked once. 

“is everything alright in there love?”

the sounds of things rustling about and the occasional muffled voice had him opening the door quickly. he saw you with your arm being held tightly in their grasp, your mouth muffled with their hand, while you strained against them by pulling at your arm. 

diluc immediately made his way over to you, quickly pulling your arm away before letting you enter into his embrace. 

“get out.” the venomous words clawed their way out of his throat as he looked at them with eyes that screamed hatred. his blood was boiling as his mind replayed the scene; your scared expression and their greedy eyes. 

diluc didn’t need to repeat himself twice as they ran out, trying not to trip over crates of wine. he made a mental note to find out who they were in order to make sure they never came near you ever again. 

he quickly looked down at your form, relaxing slightly at the sight of your tentative smile. “my knight in shining armor” you joked before softly nuzzling your head into his shoulder. the anger had yet to dissipate from his veins, and although he knew you were still shaken up, he was sure you would be fine. 

a pink letter placed on the table next to you caught his eye, and he made sure to quickly pocket it as he led you out, gently jesting with you about the “unnecessary amount of wine barrels in here, diluc this is a safety hazard!” 

he would deal with this person later. 

childe

ayo AYO ITS THE TOY SALESMAN

ok tbh he’s very rarely around so he unfortunately cannot make it to all of your shows 

dw tho, he will try his hardest to be there for the ones he’s in town for bc what is he if not your number one hype king??? 

ok kinda creepy! alert 

he’s tasked two of his subordinates to keep watch over you whenever he’s out of the harbor

it’s not anything creepy,,, he just gets extremely worried abt you and wants to make sure you’re safe 

sO when he gets a ransom note??? he’s understandably confused but also very much freaked out 

bc did they not know who he was??? the fact that they thought they could get away with holding you captive was quite honestly kind of funny to him 

very stressed and angry tho - hides it behind a facade of smiles but he’s raging 

takes him only a few hours to track you down bc he had everyone and i mean EVERYONE looking for you 

the note crunched in his hand as the harbinger made his way towards windrise. his pace was erratic, long legs rushing towards the small cave his agents had found. they were bordering the perimeter of the enclosure, careful to not alert you or your captor of their presence. childe’s subordinate head had calmly stated that childe need not come out to rescue you, the situation was under control and they could do it for him. however, childe’s sharp gaze along with his sickly sweet words of “thanks but no. i’m coming out to see this sorry asshole for myself” had the agent backing away apologizing. he wanted to see the look on this person’s face before he shoved their sorry ass into the abyss himself. 

as he reached the opening of the cave, he glanced over his shoulder at his head agent; a silent warning to keep the area sealed. his blue eyes glinted with a thirst for blood before making his way into the cave, sealing off the exit with his body. 

“well well, playing games with the love of my life are we?” 

his teasing words reached your ears as your eyes immediately found the face of your boyfriend. you weren’t horribly scared, just a little shaken up and sore from the bindings on your wrists. relief coursed through your body at the sight of him. you needn’t put in your plan of getting out of these bindings to fight your captor yourself anymore. 

childe’s eyes quickly scanned over your frame, making sure you weren’t hurt. at the state of you completely unharmed, the harbinger let his heart calm down slightly. you were completely ok. 

“wait a little longer, love? i promise this will be over soon”

the wink he sent you had you lightly rolling your eyes at his antics before he directed his attention back to your kidnapper. if your captor wasn’t scared before, they were certainly shaking in their boots now at the sight of childe’s twin hydro blades rotating playfully in his hands. 

“listen, all i want is the money-”

“and all i want is your head” 

your boyfriend smiled after cutting them off. the severity of the situation truly seemed to sink in at that moment before pleas of mercy fell from your captor’s lips, desperate to escape the bloodthirsty gaze of the harbinger. childe’s eyes flickered over to yours where you sat there, with your head ferociously shaking. a silent “no.” he sighed before swiftly bringing his arm up to hit your captor on the head, effectively knocking them out cold. 

his hands worked at the ropes holding you and he gingerly rubbed at your bruised wrists. you silently thanked the archons he could never say no to you. archons forbid what would've happened if you hadn’t said anything. while you were explaining what happened, the young man quickly scooped you up in his arms before walking out of the cave. 

you playfully hit his shoulder while muttering “drama queen” but you stopped when you saw his face morph into an expression of seriousness. you had informed him on the situation about your captor revealing themselves to be a recent stalker of yours, completely oblivious to the look of frustration on his face as he freed you from your bondages. 

“i was scared you know.” he quietly divulged. “i knew that it wasn’t anything extremely serious but i... i was still scared”

you swore as you looked at him in that moment, he had turned ten again. the youth of his face betraying his vulnerability. 

you quietly hummed before tangling your fingers in his hair. “i hope you know it wasn’t your fault. it wasn’t anyone’s fault. not even the two fatui agents who you sent to stalk me while you were away.”

he quietly laughed at that before mentally filing away a reminder for a lecture to those two agents in the near future. 

“i’m just glad you’re safe. i know you can save yourself but i’ll always be here. i still wish you would let me take care of your asshole kidnapper myself though.” he pouted jokingly. 

“i’m sure the millelith will lock them up for a long time.” you laughed sweetly. 

his usual smile reappeared at your antics. maybe he didn’t get to beat your captor up and do...much worse. however at the end of the day, your smile was still intact regardless of what happened. that’s all he wanted. 

#genshin impact #Genshin #xiao genshin impact #genshin x reader #xiao #xiao x reader #genshin xiao #diluc #diluc ragnvindr #genshin diluc #diluc x reader #genshin diluc x reader #diluc genshin impact #Childe #genshin impact childe #childe x reader #genshin childe #genshin childe x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin x you #genshin x y/n

[frekydeki]

Hiii i know me AGAIN (oneshot) sorry i just like to read long stories

So...aizawa, we have this dream (n idk what is it hahaha it can be singing/acting/ ANYTHING... Bcs we r quirkless n bcs i can see aizawa only date quirkless) n we finally got in for interview n we just want Aizawa to be there for us, but he didnt, he knows that moment we r in interview, he tried (but not hard enough) to clear his schedule, i mean he can came if he is BOLD enough not to care abt work that much n then u just tired of trying bcs he always does that thenn aftermath he start to hving more time with us bcs he regret n bla bla bla... But we just decide to give this attitude of tired of trying more longer bcs he just need to learn from his mistake ?

:3 this idea kept me awake

A/n | ppsssshhhh this took me for fridgin ever I’m sorry Chibbiiiii. But gosh it got real angsty, it’s the only way I could see this playing out. I also wrote in one of my OC’s, not sure why, but it happened and I sort of vibe with it... anyways, here ya go love! XOXO and take care of yourself!!!

Pairing | Aizawa x Quirkless!Reader

Masterlist

You should know better.

Really, you should. Better than to expect anything different from him. To allow the curling and churning in your stomach to catch your attention; it upsets you that it’s even happening. You should be able to brush the sight before you off of your shoulder — you knew it was going to happen this way when he gave you that look when you told him about the interview — and direct your fumbling, messy, burning emotions to the real problem at hand…

The real problem is the heavy stack of papers sitting tucked away in an ugly yellow envelope in front of you. The real problem being the red ink you know you’re going to see splashed across every page in there; and you’re going to have to take it on the chin despite pouring every last piece of yourself into the words printed on those pages. The dread is almost unbearable, but you think you can bare it better than the dread of knowing what you’re going to hear if you answer the phone buzzing in your pocket right now.

Tucked away in the corner of a small coffee shop just down the street, shoes untied and scarf barely hanging onto your neck, you rub your eyes with the back of your hand. You left the apartment in a hurry and didn’t even bother to grab your wallet, let alone tie your shoes, and if your phone wasn’t already in your jackets pocket, you would’ve left it there too… You think it would’ve been easier to take a deep breath if you didn’t have it, in fact. The constant buzzing in your pocket keeps recalling him to memory, he can still reach you…

What the hell sort of thought is that? Trying to get as far away from your boyfriend as you can? Like cutting all ties and contact with him for a few hours will just make all your emotions disappear… It’s just how you’ve always done this though. It’s not the first time he’s upset you, or the first-time things have gone down the drain so quickly. If that man of yours has any brain cells in his head, he’s heading to this coffee shop right now. Your chair grinds loudly, a terrible sound on your sensitive ears, against the ground temporarily drowning out the chatter of others in the shop. You wonder if he’ll even try looking for you right now, considering he’s on a short break from his shift and must be back in five minutes. The folder is smashed against your chest while you exit the shop with your head low, eyes flicking up to apprehensively examine the other faces speeding past you.

Aizawa is nowhere in sight. You hate that there’s a slight pang of disappointment poisoning your gut — this is exactly what you want, after all — and lift your lip in annoyance as you spin on your heel while beginning to map out where you’re going to hide for the next fifteen minutes.

“Shota, you stupid-“ a heavy breath erupts from your nose as you quell the insults about to spew from your lips. You’ve never been able to call him names, or spit your frustrations out in sentences that you know you’d regret saying a few hours after… It’s not to say that your frustrations haven’t been enough, but it’s that a very small fraction of yourself understands why he does things like this. His dedication to his students warms your body from your core out, and his resolve to be a hero isn’t anything to sneeze at either. That’s just Aizawa Shota, a man who, before anything else, is a hero and teacher.

Which makes you even more angry. You just hate that you have to understand all the time. Why can’t he understand?

A small bookshop is where you decide to bide your time and wait out Shota, who’s surely raging around the apartment in proper Aizawa fashion: sitting on the couch with hands folded over his mouth and leg bouncing frantically. He should be leaving any minute now, his path back to the school leads right by this bookshop, in fact, and you wonder if you’ll be able to catch a glimpse of him walking by… You turn your shoulder towards the large glass window at the front of the shop with a scowl twisting your features into a look that could kill; you just don’t want to see that handsome face right now for fear of breaking down and blowing the whole reason you left the apartment in the first place.

You cannot see, speak to, or think of Aizawa Shota in the slightest. You don’t want to.

It’s a messy little shop, books stuffed in every crevice, some stack from the floor, a small old woman smiling at you from behind a desk piled high with books on either side. The beads hanging from her gold glasses frames jingle as she waddles to you, pushing the frames from low on her nose to the middle of her bridge. The wrinkles at the corner of her eye exaggerate and a shaky smile giggles onto her lips with a raspy chuckle in her throat. You shrink in her gaze while she looks you up and down and hums; what the hell is she doing right now? You feel vulnerable in her gaze as your hands tighten around the folder more and your shoulders push slightly forward. You smack at the tickle of hair on your cheek and shoot her a short-lived smile with a trembling glance. The color in her opalescent eyes is deep, open, and clear, but you can’t quite understand her intentions. Even though her gaze on you, you wonder if she’s actually looking at you, or through you, because of the far off look in her eye… Is she gonna put a curse on you or something?

“No cursing here, dearie.” Her raspy voice finally presents itself as she turns her short frame — she stands a few heads shorter than you — and wraps her boney hands around your scarf, giving you a gentle tug. “Follow me.” It sounds more like a demand coming off her lips. Your mind runs rampant with ways to get yourself out of this situation and out of this shop; but you walked in here you can’t quite play that off without telling the truth and you really don’t want to tell the truth.

“If Shota were here…” That’s the stupid thought you have sneaking into your mind when you stop in your tracks and curse at yourself. The old woman continues to walk, pulling at your scarf; her long white hair taps against her waist, a pendant in the shape of a crow hanging from the hair tie wrapped in her hair midway down her back. The old woman clicks her tongue and shakes her head, still leading you through the maze of bookshelves; this shop really doesn’t look this big from the outside!

“That Aizawa Shota… He’s being a real stick in the mud.” She ends her sentence with another short chuckle.

“How…” You swallow thickly and eye the curious old woman stopping and finally turning to look at you. “How do you know about him?” Her eyes curve with a gentle smile playing on her lips, it’s a knowing smile, but she only shrugs quickly and turns away. She continues to march toward a door in the back of the room, struggling up the steps a little, and you find yourself holding her elbow firmly to steady her.

“Is it just my wise old age, or magic?” She laughs as her hand finds your own and pats it gratefully.

“It’s your quirk?” You guess with lidded eyes and flat brows. Disappointment hangs at the corner her lips, which you thought were stuck in a smile permanently.

“Yeah, it’s my quirk.” She monotonously responds. She sighs before discontent vocalizes at the back of her throat. The old lady stops abruptly and turns to you, a stubbornness in those opal eyes. “My quirk is mind reading, but my power is empathy.” You blink at her with wide eyes; what the hell does that mean? Irritation blips across her face. “It means I feel others' emotions.” Heart shriveling up slightly, you cast your eyes down to the stained wooden floor. You’re quite possibly the worst person she could meet right now; your emotions are in tatters, fluctuating somewhere between livid and heartbroken.

“Alright, alright!” The old lady smacks her hand down on your shoulder heavily with a sudden burst of strength. Where the hell did all this strength come from? You meet her eye before noticing that she almost looks younger and spritelier now. “We’ll do none of that, dear. Let’s keep going; I have something to give you!”

“I didn’t bring my-“

“It’s free!”

“Oh no.” You out your hands up and shake your head, “I couldn’t possibly accept it.”

“Hush now.” The woman unlocks the door to the room and glances at you from over the rim of her wire glasses, “I don’t take just anybody back into this room!” Your lips smack shut. The painted door creaks open to reveal a messy – yet organized – room. Stones and crystals are neatly placed on almost every surface, books stuffed full of scrap paper are scattered about, and jars of herbs you couldn’t even begin to name line the walls.

“How long have you been with him?” You assume she’s talking about Shota, “Yeah, that one.” You smile as you step farther into the room and pick up a pink stone.

“About four years now…” Your smile falls before your head shoots up and you shoot an irritated look at the old woman who’s digging through her clutter. “Don’t you know this already Mrs. Mind Reading Empath?”

“Humor an old woman will ya?” Your silence tells her that you’re not going to argue. “Does this happen often?”

“Him blowing me off for work?” She hums hesitantly, her quick hands slowing as she spares you a short glance. “Yeah.” The woman remains quiet, and you mindlessly continue. “A lot of the time I can ignore it. When he cancels a movie night or a lunch, or when he can’t make it to a night out with friends. I can handle that, but it bothers me the most when I have dinner ready though... It gets lonely…” You ramble, that same annoyance swelling up in you that you’d forgotten when this eccentric old lady approached you.

“Aha!” The woman exclaims, her sparkling eyes brimming with joy as she gazes down at a green stone clutched tightly in her hand.

“What’s your name?” You wonder at her as you quickly step through the narrow path in the room to help her down from the step stool she’s standing on.

“Oh! I never told you!” She smiled sheepishly up to you, “You always forget to give your name when you automatically know everyone else’s!” She laughs as she moves to sit in a chair placed diagonal to another. She holds her hand out to the other chair, and you quickly sit once she’s gotten all settled in. “My name is Tatsu.” She turns her eyes to you, and offers one of the kindest smiles you’ve seen, “It’s nice to meet you, Y/n.” She turns the rock in her hand about before looking to the folder clutched in your hands.

“What do you do for a living?” You shuffle uncomfortably, but don’t try to hide the folder, knowing that this woman already knows all about you.

“I’m an author… Well, I want to be an author…” You correct with a nervous and breathless laugh.

“Your interview went bad?” You sigh and hang your head, looking anywhere except that drilling gaze Tatsu is offering you.

“It was never good to start with.” Your voice is quiet. The woman inhales a deep breath before letting it out slowly and leaning her head back against the chair.

“When I was about your age, I wanted to open a bookstore.” She smiles. “Before that I wanted to be a spy, and even before that, I wanted to be a superhero.” You raise your eyebrow.

“Why’d you end up choosing a bookstore?”

“Well, I tried being a superhero… Two or three times, I think?” She laughs to herself, “You can’t really save others with my quirk… So, I decided to be a spy, a super spy if you will. I was one hell of a woman for a few years, but something felt wrong.” She holds the stone up between the two of you, “I’ve always been a spiritual girl, so I bought myself a crystal like this. I made it into an earring and still wear it to this day.” She turns her head so you can see the simple little earring dangling from her ear. “It’s called Moldavite.” She offers it to you, and you hold out your hand to take it. “She’s a powerful crystal, that one.”

“What happened after that?” You urge her to continue, curious about how a stone plays a part in her story.

“It’s a crystal dear, not just a stone you find in your moms front yard garden.” You nod and chuckle. “That very week, I got a terrible injury on my next mission.” A warm smile is permeating on her face, and you stare in horror. Why is she happy? Is she a masochist? “I met the love of my life while at the hospital. He was there too for some injuries he got while on the job; he was a superhero.” The glimmering look in her eye is adorable, but you’re still not making any connections.

“How romantic! Two injured people waddling around the hospital together!” You tease lightly, to which she lets out a giggle.

“I know!” She’s serious. “When we got married, his parents offered us this shop, and I finally got to open my bookstore.” It’s a cute little story, but you’re not sure where the connection is between your situation and it. She had the time of her life, and you’re on the verge of losing your boyfriend and your dream.

“When I got that injury, it was the hardest time of my life.” She softly explains. “Like I was losing everything I’d ever dreamed of.” Her eyes knowingly turn to yours. Oh.

“I want you to keep that crystal, Y/n. I want you to think long and hard about Aizawa. He’s the real problem here, not that damn book.”

“What am I supposed to do with a stone?”

“It’s not a stone! It’s a crystal! A cry-stal!” She snaps in correction. A small grin flashes onto your lips.

“Fine. What am I supposed to do with this crystal?”

“Let it work its magic. She will bring you luck, bring you what you should have, and get rid of what you don’t need.” She nods slowly. Aizawa’s face comes into your mind, and a little bit of fear licks at your fingertips. Gets rid of what you don’t need… Why is he on your mind now that you’ve heard her say that?

“Now, it’s safely been twenty minutes, and I heard Mr. Aizawa go by.” She begins pushing you out of her shop.

“Heard him? How?” She giggles.

“He’s so loud when he’s thinking about you, and even louder when he’s worried.” When you’re on the short step outside of her shop, watching her with a bewildered look and the green crystal in your hand, she smiles cheekily to you.

“Good luck, sweetie.” You begin to nod and take an unsteady step away from her shop. “I can’t wait to see your book on my shelves!” A grin pushes onto your lips and you clench the folder in your hands, almost ready to confront the contents of the pages.

“I’ll come visit you again!”

“You better! Keep trying, and someday you’ll be amazed with yourself!” You can feel some sort of weight lifting off your shoulders as you walk away from the shop, a small smile stuck on your face. It’s soon replaced with a realization that puts a heavy weight back onto your limbs, numbing them up, and making you nauseous: Shota will be home in a few hours. Unconsciously, you tighten your hand around the crystal, and wonder if it’ll work.

You’re not sure you believe that sort of stuff, but Tatsu sure does, and she had some sort of way of almost persuading you to believe it too. If it does work, you’re nervous of the outcome… You’ve not admitted it to yourself over the years of your relationship, but you guess you’ve always known you’re a little unhappy. That thought makes your throat tighten and itch, and eyes burn a little. You blink rapidly as you push your apartment door open and swallow thickly.

Dropping your keys onto the kitchen counter, you get yourself a glass of water and try to shoo away the feeling in your throat away with a few sips. It’s not like you’re wholly unhappy, if you were, you would’ve left Aizawa a while ago. But it’s an itch on your back you’ve never been able to scratch, a creepy shadow that’s always lingered over your shoulder… You flick open the folder you’ve crumbled up from squeezing it to your chest over the past hour, and sigh. There are red marks all over the first page; you’re not quite sure you can even concentrate on doing that right now, so you begin to tuck it back in before completely taking it out all the way.

You opt to sit in your bedroom and put on a comfort show. Not that you pay too much to it, as you’re busy staring at a picture of you and Shota sitting on your nightstand. The photo is evidence that you two have shared very happy times together, and truth be told, you love that man more dearly than you’ve ever loved anything… Yet you doubt he loves you the same way. Once you considered that you could live with that, loving him more than you got in return, but that’s easier said than done. Your eyes dart to your phone screen, the four missed call and six text messages still showing to you. It’s been close to an hour since your little meltdown, so you decide to see what he has to say for himself this time. You’re not surprised to see the usual:

“Y/n I’m so sorry. I have an exam to give to the students this morning, I won’t be able to make it.” You knew that he wasn’t going to make it even before you read the text message, you knew when it was five minutes til and he still hadn’t showed. “I can still make it to lunch though. You’re favorite?”

You didn’t respond. You were busy getting your ass handed to you by your editor. Your throat begins to burn as you tighten your hand around your phone — barely resisting the urge to throw it as hard as you can — and clench your jaw. It’s not like you ask for much. You just want to matter a little bit more to him, to be worth just enough for him to take some time off of work for. At the very least, you’d like to feel supported, but you’re not even getting that… You’re not sure that something Aizawa would ever be able to do. Frankly, you’re not sure if anything could matter more to him than his job as a teacher and pro hero. Once, you loved him for the determination and passion; now it’s tearing your relationship to shreds… is this something that you can tolerate for the rest of your life? You’re not quite sure.

It hurts badly this time, evident of the tears biting at your eyes and itching your cheeks, and you know it only gets worse each time. If things keep down this road, you can see the day that it starts permeating into your being, and you suddenly realize that you’re numb; that you can neither love nor hate him for it. Dreadful is the day that you become indifferent. You want to save your relationship, tell him what’s bothering you, and see the change.

It’s funny, but you’re not one with words. You can write a whole novel but can say one word to explain yourself. You delete the rambling text you’d planned out while indulging your frantic thoughts.

You’re in utter turmoil. Stuck between heartbreak and drawn out heartbreak. On one hand, you know that you couldn’t stand not having Shota in your life, but on the other, you don’t think your strong enough to handle this sort of hurt regularly. You groan and fall into the soft pillow, your comfort show doing absolutely no good. You pull your blanket over you and get comfy; a nap should do you right.

…

Maybe you should talk to Shota about it… Yeah… Flinging up in your bed, you grab hold of your phone, and type his number in; You’re not the type to go down without a fight…

A fight... What if you start a fight? You deflate and lay back down with a dull look in your eye. Fights between the two of you are the worst. Reason being that you both don’t do well with confrontation. He gets annoyed and leaves while you just shut down.

Shutting your eyes, you decide that you’re just too conflicted to do anything about it right now. You’d rather just take a nap than do something you’ll regret.

 …                                

 The familiar weight of a hand running up your side – slowly and hesitantly – brings you out of your nap. You sigh, snuggling up against the softness of your pillow. The weight of another person shifting the bed next to you is a comforting sign; it means Aizawa is home… A small, content smile slithers onto your lips while the warmth of his hand reaches your cheek, running down your jaw line so softly you could barely feel it…

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” He says softly, his voice drenched in guilt and wrung tight with worry. His long black hair, tangled from a day’s work, tickles over your skin as he rests his forehead on your shoulder. With his warm hand sliding down your arm to stop and tighten at your elbow, he continues in nearly as whisper, “I let you down again, didn’t I?” He pauses for a second, and you can hear the frustrated breath tumble from him before he corrects, “I let us down…”

You’ve been shaken from your sleepy state like someone poured ice cold water on you. Breath stopped entirely, your body runs cold and shudders at the sound on Shota’s tongue.

When you fell asleep, you intended a short nap. The room is run over in shadows, the moon gazing in at you with a sneer on his face while he dangles high in the sky. Everything is so still, air stagnant, the only sound you can pick up is Shota breathing. This isn’t what you meant to happen.

“There’s not much I can put before my job.” Somehow – even though it feels like you haven’t taken in a breath since you first heard Aizawa – your lungs shrivel up to raisins, and your eyes begin to burn… You want to be first to anything… “I know how badly you wish it wasn’t like that.” He continues, and your eyes begin to flutter as you try and bite back the tears; body rigid with the dread coursing through you. You want to mean more to him than anything in the world. He’s quiet as he pushes himself off of you, your own body crying out for him to come back to you with cold shivers, and he leans up against your headboard. You feel his fingers playing in your hair as he rests his head against the wall.

“You know I can’t sugar coat things.” His hand stops moving, “This probably isn’t going to be the last time I do this. You and I both know this.” His voice is low and quiet, the cold lick of his own strangling emotions extending into your body and reaping havoc. “Can you… Can you handle that?” Jaw clenching, you shut your eyes; you can’t just pretend you’re sleeping; he knows you’re awake. You inhale a trembling breath, your anger reaching into your throat in an acidic burn.

“You’re asking a lot of me, Shota.” Your own, low, quaking, and raspy voice finally mixes into the silence. It’s quiet as Shota nods slowly. “Why can’t it be any other way?” You inhale a gasp of breath. “Why can’t it be me before anything, just once Shota? I’m here for you every single night, and after every patrol, every fight, and every night out with your friends. Why can’t you just be my boyfriend for one damn day?” You blubber in frustration.

“I am your boyfriend, Y/n. It’s not like I forget that when I go to work.” “It sure as hell feels like it.” You snap as you sit up quickly – your head throbbing loudly at the quick motion – and you smack the tears falling onto your face away harshly. “I just wanted two hours today Shota. Two hours! Two hours is too much to give to me?” You look at the face of your phone, seeing that Aizawa had texted you often throughout the day; for some reason that makes you even more angry… Why the hell wouldn’t he come home if he was actually that worried?

“We talked about this when we first started dating.” He sighs at your retreating form. He crawls off the bed to follow you, his own heart hammering in his chest, but face still stuck in that unimpressed and unbothered expression he always holds. “I said that there were going to be periods that I can’t give you as much time as I wish I could.”

“We also talked about boundaries.” You turn over your shoulder and catch his dark eyes with yours, taking all of his breath away at your frustrated and hurting expression. His mind is robbed of all thoughts while panic freezes him in his place and opens his mouth slightly. “We talked about being there for each other when it matters the most.” You grab the yellow folder on the counter and throw it on the table now standing between the two of you; some of the pages spill out, revealing the hack job your editor performed on it. Aizawa eyes them before turning his eyes back to you. “This was one of those moments.”

“Y/n…” Your quivering lip steals all of his words from him again. What can he say? For some reason, this issue feels like it can never be resolved, no matter what he says. He knows that apologizes can only take him so far – especially when he’s done it so much – and he also knows that he can’t promise that it won’t happen again. He refuses to be moved from the reality of it, and you’re quaking to withstand it; he can see you’re barely holding on… It turns his eyes down to the floor and forces his breath from him.

“Can it really not get any better?” You ask quietly, almost pleadingly. Truthfully, you’re asking him if he’s really not willing to try harder for you, to care more about you… Asking him to put his job as a teacher and pro hero aside is not a light request, and you know it… But him asking you to put aside your hurt and happiness for his job is just as heavy. You don’t want to be the only one sacrificing it all anymore.

His head begins to shake slowly, his wide eyes brimming in tears; he knows what this is going to lead to. Your expression contorts into a sob and your head falls.

“God dammit Aizawa.” You growl through your tears. Hands tightening on the back of the dining room chair, and body crumbling in the wake of your emotions, you try to collect yourself enough to look him in the eye. “Why?” He’s silent across from you, his shoulders slumped but eyes widely taking in your shrinking form. He’s hissing in breaths, trying with all of his strength to keep from crying himself, and his hands clenched tightly into fists in his pockets. He’s frozen in the wrath of all his emotions rushing through him

The door unlocking has your entire body freezing stone cold. Eri’s home. You exhale slowly, the sound of her giggling voice making you want to combust and cease existing entirely; this is going to be the last time you see her…

You know what you have to do. This is for yourself…

“We’re done, Shota Aizawa.” You say between the two of you, and then turn to greet Eri with your jacket in your hands. Despite tears being scattered across your cheeks you smile brightly and warmly at Eri; her expression falls to horror as she takes in your appearance. Toshinori shuffles in behind her while humming softly and out of tune.

“How was patrol tonight, my friend…” However, his voice trails off as he catches the state the two of you are in. You’re speeding toward the door with a forced smile, and Aizawa swaying on his feet with wide eyes brimming with tears and staring at where you just were.

“Is everything okay, Y/n?” Eri’s voice chimes lightly, her own eyes running red in frustration; you know she adores you like her own parent.

“Yeah,” You stop in front of her and caress her cheek lightly with a solemn expression, “we just won’t be seeing each other much anymore.” You crouch and kiss her forehead, “I love you, princess. I’ll miss you.” You whisper before taking in her reddening face and speeding toward the door.

“Are you going somewhere Y/n?” The nerves in Toshinori raise his voice an octave as he turns to address Aizawa, “Is everything okay? Should I bring Eri back later?”

“No.” You sternly say. “I’m leaving.”

“Y/n-“ Aizawa begins with a thick voice, cracking under the weight of his own emotions.

You shut the door.

And you walk away from Shota Aizawa, the first dream you’ve ever given up on.

 …

 “What if he completely poured his heart out to you in the rain and also bought you dinner?” Hizashi sighs as he holds out another outfit to you. You’ve got another interview with your editor today, to look over your revised novel that you poured yourself into for the past month; the only thing that’s kept you sane after giving up Aizawa.

“Hizashi,” You sigh with drooping eyebrows and a pleading look in your eye, “Do we really have to talk about this again?”

“I can’t just keep silent! I introduced you guys!” You shake your head at the selection and continue to prod through the clothing wrack at the store.

“Some things aren’t meant to be.” You unconsciously bring your hand to finger the caged stone you have dangling around your neck. Since leaving Shota, a lot of things have looked up for you. You’ve found the energy to delve into your work, which has shown to your editor, and you’ve been able to reflect on what you really want in life.

You want to come first, before anything else, in your life. Sometimes you wonder if you’re doing what Tatsu tried to guide you to, or if you just ruined the relationship you had with the best man in the world on the whim of some old crazy woman… You don’t like thinking about it too much, otherwise you find yourself almost dialing Shota up to take you back.

“It’s not like I didn’t try working with him on it anyways.” You grumble to your friend. He begins complaining again, refusing to hear what you’ve been trying to tell him since the day after the break. “He said he can’t compromise with work, and I realized that I can’t handle being so secondary.” You give a melancholy smile, “I’m so selfish, huh?”

“What if I can persuade Shota otherwise?” Hizashi negotiates. You shake your head with a dry, humorless chuckle. “I know he’s stubborn, but he cares so much about you! He doesn’t just stick around with someone for four years just because!” You try to protest with him, but he continues on his tirade, “Aizawa was never interested in relationships, so he never got into one. He doesn’t do anything unless he wants to! He wanted to be in that relationship with you! He’s just so… So…” He lets out a frustrated noise and takes a quick drink from the cup clenched in his hand.

“Hizashi… I don’t think there’s any persuading him. I’ve been trying to do it for a while now.” You quietly say as you pick out a nice shirt. Frankly, this talk has killed your mood for a new outfit, and at this point you’re just picking through clothes, so you don’t have to look your passionate friend in the eye.

“Fine. Let’s get back to your studio… Your appointment will be soon, we should make sure you have plenty of time to get ready.” You almost feel guilty at the dejection in his usually strident voice.

Both of you ride in the taxi in silence. But you’re quick to wonder to him out loud what’s been on your mind:

“Do you think I made the wrong choice?” Hizashi looks at you clearly with his blue eyes and he shakes his head with a soft smile.

“I think you did exactly what you needed to do. Albeit maybe a little drastic with actually breaking up with him… The silent treatment would have worked just fine… Sometimes what a man needs is time away to realize how badly he needs something, and how much he’s willing to pay to have it.” You scoff and roll your eyes.

“Then why aren’t you bothering Aizawa about this all the time, huh?”

“I am.”

“Then stop bothering me!” You snap. Hizashi chuckles at your outburst. You can’t truly be upset with Hizashi, knowing that he’s only bugging you about this because he sees the sorry mess you are on some nights, and reports that Aizawa is knee deep in sorrow and depression. He wants things to go back to normal, but you don’t want to. You don’t want to go back to the constant fight for his time, for his support. If you ever went back to Shota, he’d have to take time off of work before your very eyes to make you believe that he’s willing to change his ways. 

That’ll never happen. You’ve excepted that. Hearing about Aizawa’s heartbreak doesn’t surprise you either; you know he cares about you on some level, but it’s not how you want it to be. It’s a mutual break up, one made between two loving adults who realize that they aren’t what they need for each other...

You look to the rambling blond next to you - he’s on again about some scenario of you and Shota coming back together in a surprise visit this time - and sigh; you just need to make Hizashi understand that the relationship is done for...

“Hizashi...” You whine again at his romanticized dramatization of a meeting you’d much rather not even imagine. If it ever did happen, you sure as hell wouldn’t be the composed person Hizashi is making you out to be; you’d be a sobbing, blubbering mess and puddy in Aizawa’s hand... 

“I’m just saying that if you ever run into Aizawa at a very convenient time while you’re all dressed up and he’s got flowers then you need to say yes to dinner.” He surrenders his hands as he helps you out of the taxi and ushers you to your apartment. There’s a spark in his eye that unsettles you.

“That’s oddly specific.” You mumble to him.

“I like to daydream about it.” He grins to you with a cheesy sparkle in his eye. “Now, let’s get you ready!”

“It’s not like I wouldn’t ever try with Aizawa again…” You mindlessly ramble as you follow Hizashi through your apartment. “It’s just that I don’t think right now is the right time…”

“There’s no time like the present, Y/n!”

“I know but we’ve got different goals right now and-“

“I understand Y/n.” He smiles gently, letting you know that you don’t have to explain to him at all anymore. “But,” You let out a fake sob at his continued antics, “Maybe one months difference is all the time you needed to get to the right time!” In the end, you decide to pretend you don’t hear him. Persuading him will have to wait for next time, when you have more patience.

Hizashi dresses you in your finest, and forces just the right number of accessories on you. You complain to him while he drills you on walking with confidence to the editor that you don’t have to be so entirely dressed up for a simple meeting.

“It’s not just a simple meeting!” He scolds as he firmly slaps his hands onto your shoulders. “This is your future and happiness we’re talking about! I’ll be damned if I slack on this!” He nods firmly, stepping away from your dazzling form and grins. “Beautiful! Stunning! Breath-taking! You are a fearsome being, Y/n!”

A grin bubbles over onto your lips with a stupid chuckle as you bashfully give him a shove, “Oh, stop it.”

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” He says as he backs toward the door, picks up your nicest jacket, and hands it to you, “Put this on and come out when you’re ready!” He slides out the door before poking his head back in and saying, “Remember! If we see any wild Shota’s on the street, we always say yes to him!” You groan at him.

“Hizashi!” He laughs and finally closes the door behind him.

He’s really been pressing you about your breakup with Shota. He says he thinks that you’re both meant for each other and this is only a misunderstanding in the road to a long and happy life together. You kind of wish it was like that too. But it’s been an entire month, and you haven’t heard a word from Aizawa since – except to pick up the rest of your things from his apartment -  so you highly doubt that you’re going to encounter a “wild Shota” on the streets. He’s always at work anyways…

Shaking your head quickly and tapping your cheeks, you bring yourself back into the present moment. You have another dream that’s just within your reach right now. You want to gain this one, before you mourn the loss of another.

“Hizashi! I think I’m going to head out a little early for the meeting, so I have time to get there!” You walk into the living room while buttoning your jacket around you. “I want to stop for a warm drink, it’s so cold out-“ your words fall to a nearly silent whisper as you gaze into your living room, “Side…” You slowly finish your sentence with wide eyes. Your next breath gets stuck in your throat.

“Aizawa…” You watch him with a severe look crossing onto your expression. In his hand he holds a beautiful bouquet of purple hyacinths, and white and red tulips. He’s nicely dressed, a white button up under a black suit jacket. His black hair is nicely pulled out of his face in a half-up half-down style. Soft pink colors in on his cheeks, and his eyes steadily drink you in, afraid that if he looks away, you’ll disappear. “What…” Your voice wheezes out of breath. He’s supposed to be at work. What is he doing here? At your apartment? With flowers?

“Y/n, I-“ His sentence falls short as his dark eyes dart repeatedly to the blonde man leaning on the counter and watching the exchange with bright eyes. Hizashi nods ecstatically to urge him to continue. Aizawa blinks quickly before drawing in a breath and returning his gaze to you; he’d prefer it if he didn’t have an audience… So, he takes slow steps near you, watching your every movement for the slightest sign of discomfort at his proximity, to try at some sort of privacy. “Look, I…”

The sound of disdain comes from Hizashi at how Shota was about to begin. Again, the dark-haired man is diverted from his goal. Hizashi shakes his head quickly.

“Can we have a moment?” Aizawa coolly asks his friend.

“Oh,” Hizashi startles as he nods and scoops up his drink, “Yeah.” He pats his pockets for his wallet before picking it up on the counter, “It’s dinner time! Gotta blast, see ya Y/n!”

When it’s just the two of you in the apartment, Aizawa clears his throat and shuffles on his feet. He looks down and holds the bouquet out to you. He keeps his eyes averted from your own.

“Two days after you left me,” He begins quietly and slowly, “Eri asked me why you wouldn’t be around anymore… I had to explain to her what it meant to break up with someone; she didn’t really understand.” He chuckles dryly. “You always have been better at explaining things to her.” You take the bouquet slowly, drawing your fingers across one of the soft petals.

“That doesn’t tell me why you’re here.” You quickly say, pulling your eyes up. He exhales and yanks his bloodshot eyes to your own. His heart is hammering and doing flips in his chest while seeing you stand here like this, listening to the words that are about to come out of his mouth with that solemn expression on your face. AIzawa doesn’t want to cross the line, but god, he wants to take you into his arms so badly and kiss those perfect lips and ravish your body until you’re full of him and swimming in his absolute adoration for you-

A smirk jumps onto his lips with a chuckle to cover up the fact that his mind is running over with such thoughts in a moment like this.

“She didn’t understand why we wouldn’t be together if we loved each other.” His mouth thins into a grave line as the corners bury into his cheeks, “And I couldn’t tell her why. I love you to death, and I don’t know why I wouldn’t do a damn thing to keep you.” He sounds confused as he lets out a chuckle. “I realized a lot of things...

“The bed is colder with one body, and an apartment hollow without someone to come home to… Not someone…” He stares meaningfully into your eyes, with an uncharacteristically glassy look in his own, “You… It’s lonely and wrong without you, Y/n. I wanted to be honest with you by telling you that I couldn’t put you before work, but I was being selfish… I didn’t even try.” He holds his hands out to his sides. “I decided I might as well try, so I took some time off of work today to get here today in this stupid suit…” He yanks at the jacket on him and bites his lip. “I came here hoping you’d forgive me for being a dense asshole… That you’d let me escort you to this meeting, and then take you out to dinner?”

You blink quickly, biting on your lips as you try to keep the blubbering tears in your eyes from stealing your dignity from under you. But they flop onto your cheeks no matter what– you’ve never been one to be able to hide your tears easily – and rush to press yourself into his chest.

“Aizawa, you’re so stupid.” You snap weakly at him. He chuckles as he tightly embraces you.

“I’m sorry…” He sighs as he rocks you from side to side with a content smile lifting his lips and relieved tears putting a blush onto his cheeks. “I promise it won’t happen again.”

Taglist: @zeyyackerman

#aizawa x reader #aizawa x y/n #mha Aizawa x reader #reader insert #fanfiction #fanfic #bnha angst #mha angst #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic #bnha #eraserhead #aizawa shouta #he’s kinda hot #never processed that #great #another man to simp for that’s nice #Aizawa x reader angst #Aizawa x you angst #one shot #aizawa angst #Aizawa Shota angst

[brw]

Here’s a tough one for you. Which comics characters got the most fucked up by the mcu? Who did they do the most dirty?

WELL, the obvious answer for me is mcu wanda maximoff. she's been whitewashed to the point of being unrecognisable (why does she have bright orange hair?? who fuckin knows!!), her powers are basically jean grey's but redder?? even her magic that wanda learned later seems to be an extension of telekinesis and telepathy and not, ya know, actual magic shit. her costume looks like it's been made of cheap plastic, it's ugly and anyone calling it "comic accurate" (you guys care more abt a comic accurate suit than... whitewashing....) owes me £300.

HOWEVER. this has been talked about extensively by a lot of people who have covered it in far more detail and depth than i ever have. so i'm gonna talk abt some other characters fucked up mcu adaptions, half because it's important to here and half because i was already considering writing posts abt these guys so thank you for enabling me anon!

MONICA RAMBEAU - monica, you know, first person to take on the captain marvel mantle?? one of the most powerful characters in marvel comics, lead the avengers for years, travelled to a satallite in space and back in less than a second, etc etc? faster than quicksilver, basically a immortal, could take carol if it came down to it? what was she in the movies oh yeah a child at first and then a character's who's sole motivation was to defend a white woman's mental breakdown that took the lives of an entire town away from them yup okay.

JANET VAN DYNE - founding member of the avengers person who convinced them to stay together the one who gave them their name who has lead them on more than one occassion, that janet van dyne. who's the founding lady in the mcu, uhh, fucking black widow??? like... what?????? and when it came to the actual ant-man movie she'd been replaced by an au daughter! not even her actual adopted daughter, nadia, a weird au character that is essentially jan but make her a little meaner. janet is, if you ask me, the most important of the first avenger. she's vital to the whole thing and they sidelined her for scarjo. you can imagine my fucking rage!

HANK PYM - like jan, he was replaced, by hawkeye's really boring abled imposter. maybe they thought it'd be too much for them to have TWO neurodiverse scientists on the same team, but his erasure was very prominent to me, ESPECIALLY in age of ultron. ultron without the family drama does not work! the whole thing was that ultron had his brainwaves too, it was an incredibly uncomfortable, sobering reflection of hank as a villain. without that it was just??? where is the interesting dynamics of this! what also rlly pissed me off is that mcu aou is based, obviously, off the comic event age of ultron two years prior. you know what the final message of this comic was? that hank pym, a deeply flawed person who'd made so many mistakes was still important and vital to the world. when he was taken out of the world, everything went to shit. when he came back, he decided to life life without regrets, because he realised his own worth in the world. hank has been... deeply suicidal at points, and as someone who's been there and is neurodiverse like hank this story was one that meant so much to me. and they changed that so tony stark could feel bad, maybe. you can imagine my fucking anger.

THE VISION - listen i do think mcu vision had potential to be an interesting portrayal of the character. vision by nature is a very negative character who has a lot of self hate and conflict based around their own personhood and trying to be human. mcu vision had none of that, and was a more cosmic being. i was interested to see how it worked! and instead of expanding on that, vision's only personality traits seemed to be "dies a lot" and "whitewashed wendy's love interest". like, comic vision is MEAN, that's the thing. i love the vision because they are RUDE, because they openly say that they hate humans, because they're oftentimes violent when allowed and very melodramatic and drama driven. they are a character marked by sad purple prose. mcu vision is just... so nice. where's their unbridled aggression? there was a hint of them being snarky in aou and then it never came up again. mcu vision started out so strong and then immediately fell flat into the mud. i am so incredibly tired.

MANTIS - oh lord, what did they do to her. mantis in comics is a half vietnamese, half cotai/kree experiment empath trained in martial arts who took out thor in her first appearance. this, to be fair, has some not great racial stereotypes. but making her a meek wallflower who delighted in being called ugly and disturbing by drax is just... like, what??? steve englehart at least also made her surprisingly nuanced; despite being interested in wanda's lover, vision, she never once was cruel or mean or showed anything other than kindness to wanda, she stood up for her fellow women, and he also loved her so much he put her in dc when he wrote there for a moment, which honstly, based as fuck. gunn just wrote a gross infantilised version of her, like honestly the difference between her and comic mantis is vast. they kept her powerful, i guess, but the personality she has is honestly so disrespectful to mantis. makes zero sense, either.

there's honestly way more if i was to think on it for a bit, but i'm pretty tired and i feel like this is enough for now. like i said, wanda (and pietro, but i guess he got out early by. dying.) is definitely the worst adapted, but i have problems with a lot of others.

#asks #anonymous #anti mcu #mcu critical #mcu wanda maximoff

[simplaertes]

OKAY here it is breakdown/rant over the rh apology.

 bright side is looking up the waste of a tweet led me to see SEVERAL ah members reactions (presumably, they were pretty understandably vague tweeting) and they were so funny fdksal;fa; 

anyways. back to the angry and depressing stuff. (under a read more ofc)

tl;dr: it was incredibly narcissistic and had some pretty clear hallmarks of complete manipulation. but like, i cannot stress enough. the narcisissm

these past few days have been a difficult time

okay, starting off strong, basic, and lame. pretty usual call to sympathy (boo hoo things have been hard for me) 

but also, a little hidden here and VERY manipulative, is that he’s starting off with a relatable statement. “difficult time” yeah they sure fucking have been. anyone else saying that, we would all agree! it’s a textbook way to start off manipulation

without knowing exactly where to start...

ooooh here is where it starts getting interesting: this is what i like to call “anti-ethos” so in argumentative stuff, ethos is basically the plea to respect/authority/competence/etc. but this right here is the OPPOSITE of that... so what does THAT mean?

basically, it’s there as both a cop-out and another, subtler plea for understanding. “please be nice to me” it begs “i don’t know what i’m doing.” it’s a simple, one sentence way to buy yourself some leeway when you know what you’re abt to say isn’t the best. it’s like having to present in class and starting with a “well, i’m not entirely sure this is what was wanted....” it gains allowance from your audience in a sneaky kind of way

i want to say that i know i let a lot of people down, including those that i am closest too

textbook. it’s all so textbook it’s almost boring. the move here is he’s made himself look like he’s taking accountability and apologizing without doing EITHER of those things. also, look at those fantastic i-statements. “i want, i know, i let, i am” it’s just all about him, like always

also, great shoutout to the general language there: who did he let down? who is he closest too? it’s so incredibly vague. ALSO the way he says “let people down” is textbook downplay-- he doesn’t say what he did and phrases it to sound small, like a mistake rather than... what it is.

this is what i regret the most.

i think this was SUPPOSED to be a like, nice short statement that would hit hard. usually you only do short sentences like that when you’re sure they’re going to affect your audience? but like. this doesn’t work AT ALL which is why i’m prettyyyyyy sure there’s some narcisissm or smthn like that at play here

seriously, it just falls INCREDIBLY flat. letting down ppl you know is what you regret the most? not, y’know, DOING it? like jesus CHRIST. notice how he doesn’t apologize or say he regrets the actions once in this entire thing?? he just focuses on how the consequences have affected him. disgusting.

i take full accountability for the way i’ve conducted myself over these past years.

once again, he REFUSES to say what he’s done!! just talking himself around it. and using “conducted” there...... it’s written as though it’s all abt him, like, being a little creepy. it’s not abt how he “conducted” himself it’s abt how he GROOMED AND RAPED PPL!! 

it was unfair to those i have hurt, unfair to my friends in the community, and most importantly -- unfair to my family

“unfair” is once again downplaying it, my friend. but i do think there’s a little bit of an attempt at ethos here..... by throwing in his “friends in the community” where he doesn’t have to, he’s reminding everyone who he is -- that he was, as of a couple days ago, revered. loved. looked up to. 

also, bringing up his family to illicit sympathy for it. he’s STILL pushing this image of a “family man” and it’s DISGUSTING bc after all this, he’s made it very clear he doesn’t really care abt them at all

[stop harassing ppl paragraphs]

i agreed with this on first read and wasn’t going to comment on it but then i realized that’s what this part was meant for. it gives a break in talking abt things most ppl dislike him for, and makes you (the reader) AGREE with him, briefly. therefore, you form a comradery. this is argumentative essay 101: don’t start with the hard stuff, start somewhere everyone agrees and work from there. 

as for providing clarity to my mistakes, i would like to state: i never set out to hurt anyone

calling them mistakes again, you know how i feel about that. also, the “providing clarity” part is so strange. once again he’s framing it like he’s getting ready to write an excuse, like he’s exonerating himself by saying he never “set out” to hurt ppl

i flirted with and had sexual relations with members of the community

notice how he doesn’t address anything other than that. all he owns up to is flirting and sex. he doesn’t address the age gaps, the money, the rape -- nothing. and look at what he calls them: members of the community. that he makes it so general and broad means it’s CERTAIN there’s far more victims than have come forward. 

i am continually saddened to learn that my actions have contributed to anyone’s pain, especially as my interactions, as inappropriate as they were, always came from a place of what i thought was a shared connection

this is just. So Much. in one sentence. first things first: this sounds like a robot wrote it?? or someone who never experienced human emotions?? like seriously. saddened??? saddened was the best word you could come up with for that??? like. try horrified, floored, distraught, but SADDENED?? it just goes to show how UTTERLY disconnected he is 

and then!!! we get to the meat!!!!!! he says “contributed” instead of “caused,” alleviating himself of some responsibility and throwing subtle shadows on the girls who have come forward -- basically “well. they’re all a bit off in the head” in fewer words. also, using “interactions” there is just so fucking strange as well. you weren’t “interacting” with them. he said what he was doing (at least loosely) earlier in the paragraph, so once again he’s DOWNPLAYING IT

THEN there comes the SHARED CONNECTION. HOOOOOBOY. i have a theory on what this shared connection could be.................. love of fucking ryan haywood. bc it’s becoming more and more clear that ryan really, really loves himself. wtf else could he have possibly believed he shared with these victims??? i cannot see it. 

i apologize for all the hurt i’ve caused... i may never redeem myself, but i am taking steps to be a better person

okay sorry most of that paragraph was pointless so i’ve cut it. here, in the final statements, we get down to it.... the real kicker... have you seen it yet? well, i’ll tell you: he didn’t fucking apologize for what he did. TEXTBOOK, TEXTBOOK, TEXTBOOK NON-APOLOGY. HOLY SHIT. he apologizes for the “HURT HE’S CAUSED” like waaaa baby }i’m so sorry you got hurt. not sorry i did it tho lol”

AND THEN: the one, final appeal to sympathy. the pledge to do better. doesn’t matter if it’s true, EVERYONE wants to better themselves in some way, so EVERYONE can relate to this!! everyone wants to do better and be better and he’s playing on those basic human emotions to illicit sympathy. GROSS.

basically, this was one of the most narcissistic, stupid things i’ve had to read in a while and I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS GUY IS STILL ON TWITTER HOLY SHIT. 

at it’s most basic form:

he mentions himself (says i, my, etc): 37 times

mentions mistakes/accountability/unfair: 13 times

mentions his family/friends/community: 11 times

mentions the other victims: 3 times

...see the problem?

#mine #text #ryan haywood #for the blacklist #god this got LONG #i hope it makes any sort of sense #sorry guys i was VERY ANGRY

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

so i’d really like to finish my guardian takedown lore analysis, but honestly the game isn’t really fun to play at the moment anymore (even with the health debuffs they added) so I think im going to be taking a break for now because I’m just not having fun anymore.

this game has a lotta mechanical problems i think need to be addressed so im gonna summarize it as bullet points below. I’ll play the new dlc when it drops, but idk if i’ll be on more than that (grinding, end-game stuff) until they make some serious changes. I’ve been playing (near) daily since launch, followed the patch/hotfix notes every single week, and my patience has finally, FINALLY run dry, especially with that really disappointing Phase 1 Patch and then the hotfix this week not adding anything else. What is the balancing team doing??? 😩

tl;dr: FIX THE VAULT HUNTERS!!!!

anyway. That’s all I needed to get outta my system. I might log on to this blog every now and again to post some random shit that pops into my head (probably with regards to my AU), but I’m not going to be actively playing and posting for the time being. Goodbye (for now), and here’s hoping the new DLC is good!! 

guardian takedown only problems:

there’s a lot of waiting around, and sometimes it’s not explicitly stated that you’re waiting for something, so you’ll be lost on what to do next (not sure if that’s a dialogue glitch or not)

the crystal charge insta-death is bull. just. what the hell. at least make it so you just have to start over. killing ur players for failing a “puzzle” that they then have to fight all the way back to is so infuriating.

dying because you fell off a platforming puzzle is also bull. 

i remember playing the first DMC on my playstation in middle school and having a conniption over the part in the observatory(? it’s been a hot minute since I played DMC 1) with the disappearing/invisible platforms. I h a t e jumping puzzles. why are they in a section of the game where death is semi-permanent and a detriment to your teammates. i tried the takedown 2x with friends and both times one friend didn’t make the first big jump to the temple and had to wait for our inevitable deaths. that’s so unfair to them.

there’s absolutely no reason for a boss to have 12 fuckin immunity phases. 4 per health bar with 3 health bars? Who the fuck designed this? *pumps shotgun* i just wanna talk. 

i appreciate a tasteful immunity phase every now and again (the ones in the Valkyrie fight are actually p reasonable), but christ. that is overkill. I don’t mind the main boss fight, since u can end those early through certain actions, but jesus. the mid-boss fight is annoying as hell. you spend more time running from the immunity phases and finding the damn boss than u do actually shooting it.

drop rates are crap, which I guess should be expected given what happened with the Maliwan Takedown and the handful of months it took for them to fix that, but also you think they’d have learned.

in the maliwan takedown there’s a sense of progression thru the facility after you kill each area’s batch of enemies, but in this one it’s... dampened by the crystal charging sequences. you kill all the enemies in an area, press a button, and now you have to kill 3x that number of enemies in the same area, expect you’re just standing there motionless. It’s not fun.

the crystal charging stuff is just not fun in general. standing in a square is not entertaining. it’s worse that it was clearly designed for 3+ players when a majority of people play/grind solo

i gotta admit the boss fights just aren’t as fun as the Maliwan Takedown fights overall. I felt like a real badass fighting Wotan for the first time, but the main boss for this Takedown is kind of a bitch. Wotan’s fight is chaos, there’s so much shit happening at once and you don’t really have time to process everything and I love it. This one is p meh...

This would be fine and I’d 100% not care that much if there weren’t all these OTHER problems

General Issues with the Game

There’s no endgame stuff to play outside of the takedowns. 

I assume they’re working on the first raid given some stuff I found in the Guardian Takedown files, but I really wish they’d keep the seasonal events/areas. They give us the option to disable/enable them while they’re ‘active’, just give us the ability to do it whenever we want.

when i hop on i either run through Athenas (my favorite map), or farm a boss or two. I have all the loot i really need from the maliwan takedown/elsewhere, and the guardian takedown just... isn’t fun atm, so i have nothing to do.

I’ve reset my playthru multiple times to play the main story at m10, but u can only play it (and the dlc) so many times

Mayhem levels and modifiers are a hot m e s s

a majority of the modifiers just aren’t fun to play with

they incorporated like 2-3 fun modifiers (from the community), then added a bunch that straight-up aren’t. I’m fine with the game being more difficult, but at least give us modifiers that make it more entertaining to play at a higher level instead of more annoying. I like the ones that have trade-offs or add new ‘enemies’, but I hate the ones that just straight up reduce your damage output.

a majority of the weapons with the mayhem 10 anointment (scaling) do not work on mayhem 10 (we’ll go more in-depth with this later)

Player Characters (Vault Hunters!!!) are also a hot mess and a lot of problems plaguing them haven’t been fixed SINCE LAUNCH

theyre literally the basis of the game and its balance. why havent you guys fixed them yet. stop adding new content until they’re fixed. no new skill trees until the base 3 trees work ON EVERY CHARACTER.

seriously. Why is amara p much limited to using Phasegrasp. Why does Iron Bear not matter to Moze except to proc anointments. MAKE ALL ACTION SKILLS EQUAL AND HAVE HEFT.

i wrote an essay here about it bc i feel that strongly about this

SERIOUSLY FIXING UR VAULT HUNTERS WILL MAKE BALANCING SO MUCH EASIER PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU THEY ARE THE BASE OF UR BALANCING WOES

ZANE IS STILL UNUSABLE WITHOUT THE SEEIN’ DEAD CLASS MOD!!!!!!!!!!!

MOZE IS SCREWED BC HER DAMAGE IS TOO RELIANT ON ASE ANOINTMENTS!!

AMARA DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING MELEE BUILD AS THE ADVERTISED MELEE CHARACTER???

FL4K’S HEADCOUNT SKILL IS S T I L L BROKEN EVER SINCE THE RELEASE OF THE MALIWAN TAKEDOWN

ARE YOU GUYS LISTENING TO THE COMMUNITY *PLEASEEEEEEE*

BUFF AND FIX THE GODDAMN VAULT HUNTERS

Anointments were a mistake. Damage end-game is wayyyy too reliant on them

anoints should have a maximum of, like, a 20% damage bonus. the damage necessary to kill enemies *should be coming from the VHs themselves*. i don’t care if you have to revamp every single Vault Hunter’s skill trees and buff them all by 9000%. THEY DESERVE IT AT THIS POINT

at the moment in m10 there really isn’t much build diversity *even between Vault Hunters*. We’re all using the same 5 guns (OPQ System. Kaoson. idk. fuckin brainstormer? is that still a thing? jesus fuck) with the same 3 anointments (100% on ASE, cryo while SNTL, and 300% while 90%).

you want to diversify builds like you said during the gameplay reveal???? you want our choice in Vault Hunter to actually fuckin matter???? FIX THEM!!!! THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO DEAL DAMAGE WITHOUT STUPID POWERFUL LEGENDARIES AND ANOINTMENTS!!!

Anoints also shouldn’t be common. At all. They should be, like, Pearl rarity. To let that happen, their damage needs to be tuned way the fuck down (again, 20ish % bonus MAX) and ALL ANOINTS NEED TO BE USEFUL IN SOME WAY

NOBODY IS GOING TO USE THE AIRBORNE OR SLIDING ANOINTMENTS JUST REMOVE THEM ALREADY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

obviously these changes can’t happen because they fucked up and buckled down with everything being anointed in m10, but still

imagine a world where the VHs actually did damage on their own without anointments and the damage buff from them was just an incentive to grind for the 100% perfect weapon and NOT A REQUIREMENT TO DEAL DAMAGE

>:(

A majority of gear is borderline worthless at M10

I’m fine with the difficulty of M10, i should let it be known. The enemy health isn’t really the problem IF ALL GUNS ACTED THE SAME AS THE OPQ SYSTEM

ffs.

you know, if you fixed ur vault hunters so they all did damage with just purple weapons (abt the same damage as legendaries w/o special effects) and removed the anointment requirement from late-game play, balancing your guns would be sooo much easier. you know. just saying.

right now only 10% (im being generous) of guns in the game are viable. 90% are worthless. We need AT LEAST 60-70% viable at M10. WHERE IS MY BUILD DIVERSITY. WHY ARE ALL LEGENDARIES NOW JUST “HEY THIS GUN IS STRONGER THAN THE LAST 4 WE RELEASED. HAVE FUN”

how to fix this problem? do as above: BUFF YOUR PLAYER CHARACTERS. MAKE ANOINTMENTS LESS STRONG.

then, at least the 10% already strong weapons would be stupid strong and OP as fuck, BUT AT LEAST WE COULD HAVE BUILD VARIETY!!! I don’t care if other people are dummy strong one-shotting everything in sight. I don’t! so long as they don’t play with me, I couldn’t care less!!! I want to be able to play with the unique, interesting legendaries. instead of the OPQ System. which, by the way, I dislike compared to the normal Q-System. let me use the frozen heart shield and the infiltrator mod. I don’t wanna be chained to the Seein’ Dead anymore :(

honestly at this point im starting to think removing slag was a mistake bc then at least we could use guns that aren’t solely damage-based guns. you know how fucked up you’ve got me that im thinking maybe slag wouldn’t be so bad this time around??? YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP B A D.

FIX THE GAME

IM TAKING A BREAK

MAYBE I’LL BE LESS UPSET WHEN I COME BACK FOR THE DLC BUT HOT. DIGGITY. SHIT.

#borderlands #bl3 #whelp #i needed to get that out #still frustrated... #just... fix the game #please #its so disheartening to see this STILL going on #like i know bl2 had the same problems #with the balancing #remember when they nerfed zer0 and buffed salvador? #but like christ at least they were messing with the vault hunters #now they're trying to brush their problems under the rug and it's really sad to watch #you would think they'd have learned from bl2

[basketcasemp3]

Have you ever seen any gifsets or posts about Emily and Rory's relationship? I see a lot about Rory and Richard, and obvs Lorelai and the others, but I've always been really interested in how Emily tries to bond with and support Emily and how Rory tends to stick up for her against Lorelai and sees her grandparents home as a safe space.

actually I haven’t seen anything about, at least not recently which is a shame because I think its definitely an interesting relationship. maybe people aren't interested in them as a dynamic because it’s not as volatile as lorelai & emily but it’s also not as fun as lorelai & rory, but tbh I think there are a lot of other complexities that come with rory & emily. obviously, one of the main themes in the show, especially the earlier seasons, is that rory is the daughter that richard and emily wish they had. she’s quiet and polite, yet intelligent and completely capable of taking care of herself. she didn’t get pregnant at 16 and they don’t see her as someone that they can’t control, like they couldn't control lorelai. and even though in the earlier seasons, there were aspects of society life that rory hated (the cotillion), there’s also things that rory does like that they can share with her, because they could never share those things with lorelai. 

what i think is really interesting is that emily, unlike chris’ parents, don’t view rory as a burden or a mistake, which she makes very clear to rory in christopher returns after chris’ father throws a hissy fit. I love this moment sooo much because we know that Emily hates that Lorelai get pregnant at 16 and thinks that Lorelai “threw her life away” but she tells rory that she doesn’t blame her for it at all and when she sees rory, she doesn’t see a mistake. I think this is a MASSIVE reason why rory is so forgiving of Emily and tries to stand up for her against Lorelai- she sees another side to her that Lorelai couldn’t. and obv there are things to be said abt the Lorelai of it all because I think Lorelai's valid in her dislike of her parents and hatred of her childhood and I do think she’s allowed to feel whatever she feels about them, but rory knows Emily as someone who loves her unconditionally and offers her a safe space. Emily creating a room for rory in Emily in wonderland is one half spiteful to Lorelai for taking rory away, but it’s also one half genuinely wanting her granddaughter to have a place to go to, which is another reason why I think rory gets comfort from her. Emily doesn’t always do things without an ulterior motive, but a lot of the time I don't think she desire to passive aggressive to Lorelai outweighs her desire for rory to be taken care of. her decision to call rory and ask for her opinions on things to decorate the room shows me that making the room wasn’t just about getting back at Lorelai, because if it was, she wouldn't have tried so hard to make it a space that rory would actually like. she does this in rory’s birthday parties too, when she asks Lorelai to help her pick out a gift for rory. i’m using this as an example because doing the fancy party was for show and to impress their friends, in which case she could've gotten rory anything and we know that rory is very gracious with her grandparents in s1 and would've accepted anything, but emily taking the effort to ask for help and then getting her something that she would  actually like meant to me that she wanted a relationship with rory that she never had with Lorelai. I think the reason rory views the Gilmore's as a safe space in say, ps I lo..., for example is because she feels as though they love her as a privilege, instead of just their right, and that they’re a place that's not so...hmm I don't know, maybe not so loud as lorelai and stars hollow? I think maybe i’m trying to say that they expect things from her, certainly, but they expect different than lorelai and in season 1, it’s a place she felt comfortable and welcome. 

which brings me to my next point which is that previous paragraphs were about the earlier seasons of the show, where rory is still impressionable and young, where she doesn’t push back against emily and agrees to a lot of the things that emily asks her to do. she badly wants to please them, but knows doing that is pretty easy. season 5 is where things start to change, specifically in the party’s over. Emily knows that rory wants to please her, so she knows that she’ll agree to the party & can meet loads of more “appropriate” boys (and she does because this is the beginning of rory/logan) and will eventually move on from the “losers” in stars hollow. Emily's adoration of logan & logan’s whole family is where he view of rory changes from seeing rory to seeing who she wanted Lorelai to be. if you believe asp that logan is rory’s chris (he’s not but whatever that's another issue that I don't actually care all that much about) then it makes sense that she fixates on their relationship so much, because Emily starts to see rory as her actual daughter and this only continues into season 6. it’s too abrupt for it to be believable, to me, because Emily's always valued rory for who she is and has always been proud of rory’s education and career goals, but it’s at the point in season 6 when rory dropped out/joined the DAR that Emily actually starts to see rory as her own child which we know is problematic and begins a huge shift in their relationship. rory then moving out, re-enrolling in school, and accepting chris’ money is a huge push back to Emily, which she’s never experienced all that much before from rory. what I find sooo interesting about that situation is that once Emily started thinking about rory as a “new and improved lorelai,” and treating her own child, that’s when rory started acting like the actual lorelai and tried defying her. the reason I find this so interesting is because, in an earlier draft of this long winded response, I wrote that grandparent/child relationships are so different than parent/child relationships (depending on the situation), and once Emily stepped back from her loving & safe grandparent role (that was able to connect with rory) into a motherly one, she began making the same mistakes she made with Lorelai, thus fracturing their relationship.

as weird as I find Emily in season 6, I think it did a service to their relationship because now they can both see each other as they actually are, instead of the fantasy of each other. Emily fantasized that rory was the perfect child that she never had and rory fantasized that Emily was the perfect grandparent that would always support her and them realizing that the other one isn’t as perfect as they pretended to be for awhile is what saved their relationship going forward. they both learned a lot about forgiveness and managing expectations and loving people for who they actually are and you know what im so sorry that this got so long and makes no sense but basically I agree with you I think they’re a very interesting but a massively underrated dynamic

#ask #anonymous #gilmore girls #I didn't mean to write this like an essay but im in that mode so skdgjldgd #anyway I have MUCH to say

[cozyteez]

Hii, do u have any tips for writing fics?? I’m so used to writing research reports, lab reports, and formal essays that creative writing has become something I really struggle with. I guess it’s having the freedom to write anything and not knowing how to make sure it’s not corny. I tried outlining a fic one time but it was so frustrating LOLOLOL. Anyways, I love your ateez fics. They are so cute and creative!!

hi !!!! im like rlly touched u asked me and i feel u actually that's why i started this blog; im a biomedical engineering major so as u can imagine i dont get to take much creativity with what i write because writing papers and reports and proposals are so formulaic and u gotta stick to the facts so that being said i actually tested out of all my college writing classes so all my writing knowledge is from ap english in hs lmao so take it w many grians of salt

the #1 thing i do when im feeling sort of unmotivated about a story or maybe like like dragging myself thru mud to write it is to just write the "fun" part first. to me the fun part is usually the climax or maybe the like the "wouldn't it be cute if..." moment that came to mind that inspired me to write a blurb in the first place! then usually once i sort of get the ball rolling on that my brain will help me out and keep the momentum going by thinking of maybe "oohh okay maybe this can happen next" or "oohh and what if this led up to it" or !! just stop there !! something ive learned from my mx writing blog which is like a year older than this one was that you don't owe anybody context especially for a blurb so maybe it really is just 3 sentences of a cute moment u thought of like its whatever ur the one writing it

now for longer fics im going to be honest jongho's first love is my first and only completed attempt at a multi stage coherent story. and that was fueled purely based on the fact that when i look at jongho he just gives off sort a really excited sort of innocence that i wanted to further explore and personify through the idea of him experiencing love for the first time but even then i really struggled w the last part because that's where my personal experience stopped and i had basically nothing to go off of because ive never been in love so i did have to kinda wait for ideas to come to me. for prince yunho i have posted 4 chapters but have all the way through chapter 15 drafted. and by drafted i mean it's like 3 sentences of the overall idea. again, the fic was inspired by the duality between yunho's on stage vs. off stage persona where if somebody was to watch an ateez performance for the first time they may find him very serious and maybe even intimidating but atiny would know that his off stage persona (the one he choses to create for us anyways) is very silly and happy-go-lucky and approachable, which is why prince yunho is seen as narameth's strong and stoic pride and joy but in reality he's sort of clumsy but means well. so i let that and his relationship w xenia who is an original character (OC) sort inspire stories or interactions that i force into a plot line. so for example i believe when i first started thinking abt a prince au for yunho i thought "wouldn't it be funny if the first scene started out painting him as this strong and serious man and then cut to him choking on food or something" and that sort of inspired the idea of him being nervous abt the speech and then xenia came out of that because he needed a complementary character imo since i knew he was gonna be kind of one dimensional and then his backstory with xenia inspired other ideas and then one day i was sad and wanted a hug so that inspired a piece of the plot line and so on. so basically: let an idea or even an aspect of somebody come to you and just write it down, let it inspire other ideas. and don't be afriad to completely start over. i wrote a whole chapter for prince yunho and deleted the whole thing because i hated where it was going and started back from scratch. sometimes you have to revisit things abt your characters and their relationships with others to get a new idea. there's a story in every person and every relationship you just have to find the clues

here's an example of what i mean by "write the good part first". this is typically what the very first draft of a blurb will look like for me

((( blah blah blah basically its raining and y/n is sad bc wooyoung broke her heart two weeks ago idk maybe go into it maybe not)))

y/n is all sad and feeling sorry for themselves on the couch theyre past crying but still feel pretty shitty plus it's storming and cold outside. great

there's a knock on their door ofc they have the cliche "who could that be moment" even tho they lowkey know. we literally all know

so yeah wooyoung's there soaked in rain eyes puffy y/n thinks he's been crying

-this would be the "fun part". i'll fix all that garbage up top later or maybe even change it completely idk yet-

"y/n? i - uh. hi"

he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while you crossed your arms over your chest, fighting the urge to close the door and walk away for good

"hi? really wooyoung? is that the best you can do?"

(((wooyoung does smth idk)))

"well i just -"

"you just what? showed up here in the rain after you broke my heart and didn't even bother to tell me why? this isn't some romance movie, asshole. you can't just come here late at night and expect to find me all sad and willing to take you back because i'm not. so say what you're gonna say so i can get back to my life"

your face was red hot and you trying very hard, probably too hard, to fight back tears. ((( idk talk some more abt y/n's emotions then what wooyoung is doing)))

"look, i made a mistake i-"

"oh my god! why did i know you were gonna do this. i just knew as soon as i saw you-"

"will you let me get a fucking word in!?"

well that was new. in the entire time you'd known him he had never raised his voice at you like that, your shock causing you to immediately close your mouth and fold your arms back into yourself (((make y/n seem more scared))) noticing your reaction, he lowered his voice back down and instictively reached for you, heartbroken at the way you jerked away from his touch

"please y/n, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice it's just that i need to tell you that i regret what i did i regret breaking up with you so fucking much and you don't have to take me back i just need you to know how much you meant, no, mean to me. i still love you, a lot. there's not a day, an hour, a minute, or a single second that goes by that i'm not thinking of you"

"then why?"

your voice was small and wavering, your tears now dangerously close to spilling down your cheeks

"why what?"

"why did you break up with me like that, just all of a sudden"

he pushed his hands into his pockets and looked away

"because that morning i woke up before you and when i looked at you asleep next to me, i saw myself spending the rest of my life with you and it scared the shit out of me"

"why did it scare you?"

"because i just figured you didn't feel the same. i was selfish and wanted to save myself heartbreak down the line and so i told you i didn't wanna be with you anymore, but that was a mistake because it turns out i can't function with out you, i can't breathe without you i can't live without you, y/n. i shouldn't have let you go"

tears were now freely flowing down your face (((okay brain no work anymore y/n kisses him duh and then ofc they make up wooyoung prob says smth cheesy and y/n is like ur lucky i love you or smth ahaha the end)))

tl;dr -> don't be afraid to get messy. creative writing is not nearly as structured as academic/scientific writing. write whatever u want first it can even be the middle of a huge fight scene or some dialogue u think is funny. if ur stuck read what you have or maybe just take a break and let an idea come to you. a story doesnt have to come together til the very end so it can be as messy and out of order as u want until u wanna post it. also i would always use the third person omniscient point of view for a longer story like a chaptered fic as a default and only change if it would impact the plot in a negative way. this is where the narrator knows what every character is thinking/feeling and im p sure a teacher in middle school told me it was the easiest to write and follow

#sorry i got carried away #also rmbr how i was like my brain cant stop imagining dramatic and disgusting love confessions in the rain? i meant like that #it's so chessy ik 😔 bleh #amanda talks

[oflgtfol]

ALSO im thinking about The End again, aka the nano story i wrote in 2015 (very bad title for a casual reference like this) 

so like . im just gonna spoil it honestly bc its been years and nobody cares. the whole point of the story was that everybody dies in the end. quite literally humanity goes extinct. the whole point of the story is that you get used to these characters, you root for them through all their hardships as their world comes tumbling down and they’re helpless to stop anything, and then they just die and it’s supposed to hit you really hard because you’re attached to these characters and it’s just so unfair

but honestly? i first thought of the plot in 7th grade and i wrote the story in 9th and i’m in a completely different mindset from then now. i really dont want to write that kind of story anymore. but it sucks because i do want to rewrite and post this story eventually. but i cant change that ending because the whole point of the story IS the ending. if i changed the ending then the entire tone, message, theme, EVERYTHING about this story changes

it’s supposed to tell the downfall of humanity based on our own greed and hubris. i cant tell that story if the characters triumph in any way at the end. we are our own undoing

the way this comes about is through warfare and refusing to care for the planet. my frustration at how full of hate this world is and peoples outlook that “oh we dont need to care for the earth bc im not gonna be alive in 50 years :)” was really what caused this, and back then i was..... so full of anger and indignation about the injustice in this world that i was like “You Must Reap What You Sow” 

so here i wrote a story about a common family. theres nothing about them that makes them particularly worthy of telling this story other than the fact that they’re a normal family. i never even described any physical characteristics of the characters because like, thats not what this is about, i never even imagined what they looked like in my head because the whole point of them as characters is to just be normal people that anyone can see themselves in. and then when the world is taken away from them? it hits you hard. because you saw yourself in them and now they’re facing the consequences of actions we all partake in. the whole message is that unless we fucking change for the better then we will suffer the consequences and they’re not gonna be pretty, so fucking Get It Together

but now im in a different mindset. im still very much frustrated at all this but im.. a lot more adjusted to the idea of injustice in the world. by god i am full of anger but its no longer so.. all consuming as it was.

idk how to explain this but like if you read my posts about space and how humanity has the potential for good, yadayada, then like thats basically what i’m trying to get at. i’ve actually.. become a lot more positive over the years! i’ve sat back and realized that like... the issue with human greed and apathy is rooted in society, people are blinded to the impact of their actions and they never really realize what’s Up..... i think it’s just kinda a harsh way to get my point across, in the original story.

nowadays i want change to come about through hope and peace and cooperation with fellow humans.. i know it probably wont happen that way but ideally thats what i want. i’ve sat back and seen that like, god humanity has so much potential for good and it’s just so upsetting that we time and time again use it for evil. it really is upsetting that we’ve accomplished so fucking much and then we go and do heinous things. we destroy the earth, thousands (millions?!!) of species go extinct because of us, and then you look at the sins humans commit against each OTHER - genocide, murder, bigotry, its just, why the FUCK are you wasting all your measly time and space in this universe on such horrible horrible things when we can use this for GOOD like what is the POINT

and yes im MAD ABOUT THIS but now im .. not only mad but its GENUINELY upsetting!!! but it also gets me kind of hopeful, that maybe one day as the generations go on and learn from past mistakes, that we can put this violent past behind us and come together and achieve what humanity is truly capable of. and maybe this hope that i have is what i want to initiate this change in the first place. that maybe if people saw what good we’re capable of too then they would want change to come about, and maybe if we all realized this then we’d all be able to come together and see it happen for real

and like. that vision i have now conflicts a lot with the original story i wrote for the end and just. yeah idk.

ANYWAY so my main point here (god i started rambling) is that im thinking of .... now this may be a stupid idea LOL but maybe i could rewrite the original in its depressing bullshit, but then maybe do an alternate version where things do work out in the end.... like two sides of a coin, in one overall story... one timeline where things go wrong - what will happen if we dont change - and where things wind up right - what can happen if we work for it. it still keeps the original warning in my message intact - reap the consequences of your actions if you dont work to improve - but showing the flip side of how improvement is good may actually help that message even more in the end??? IDK im just throwing ideas out here but i’ve been thinking abt the end a fair amount lately...

also bc im a cliche bitch and love working with conflciting ideas i’d call the more optimistic outcome The Beginning maybe to play off The End lol

also im kinda thinking, because rewriting + writing a whole second part will take FOREVER, i might release the original draft of the end. it sucks whole ASS and i literally never even named a character or two because i didnt feel like it (since i was working under nano time constraints) but like, god just to get it OUT there....

#delete soon #this turned out so much longer than i thought LOLL idk if any of it makes sense . shrug

[morningsound15]

Can u do all the odd fic questions on that ask post for perdition? Or really any of ur other fics, I just like hearing abt this kind of stuff

FYI THIS IS VERY LONG I APOLOGIZE

I’m putting most of it under the cut because I don’t want to clog up all the dashes…

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

What a question. I’ve answered something similar to this, mainly the question: What was your inspiration in writing this fic? And I’ve been pretty open about that, generally. (If you’re interested, there are a few longer posts about that and some other insights into my thought process linked here: x x x x x x )

But essentially, I wrote this fic because at the time I was going through a sort of similar situation to Chloe. I was kind of seeing this girl who had a boyfriend… it’s a pretty long and complicated story that I won’t go into for privacy’s sake (both hers and mine). But it wasn’t my finest hour, and definitely not something I’m proud of. So anyway, things had just ended with this girl and I was trying to work through some feelings that I had about it (a lot of anger and confusion and a little heartbreak, mostly), and I was looking for a character/pairing to write this specific situation for, and Bechloe kind of just… came to me. Like it just fell into my lap. And it made more sense than anything else, and when I started writing it just… poured out of me. Like I wrote the first four chapters in a feverish two days where I basically couldn’t stop typing.

But I’ve gotten a lot of questions about why I chose to write the fic the way I did. The question I get most often is basically, why did I write the fic from Chloe’s POV exclusively? Especially during the early days of Perdition, before I wrote the Beca interlude chapter, I had a LOT of people who were practically begging me for Beca’s POV, for her side of the story, for some explanation as to WHY she was doing what she was doing. And I was really hesitant to do that, because I was hesitant to break from the fixed person, singular POV. And I want to explain why. I know I have before, but I want to do it again.

I wanted to write Perdition from exclusively Chloe’s POV because I wanted the story to really focus on her emotions and her involvement in the affair. I feel like so many cheating stories are from the POV of the cheater, or the person being cheated on, and rarely on the ramifications felt by the person who’s being cheated with. I wanted to explore that dynamic.

But I also really wanted to focus on Chloe as a person and as a character. I felt drawn to her as a character partly because we know so little about her in the movies. Beca is the main character, the audience’s established perspective, so we know a lot about her and how she thinks and operates. Because Chloe was basically a blank slate, I felt like I could dig deeper into her character and imagine a lot more backstory for her. I wanted to explore her as a character, and as a writer I felt like she really offered more opportunities than Beca.

I eventually wrote the Beca POV chapter because I really wanted to make sure that both Beca and Chloe were sympathetic characters. I wanted to emphasize the fact that Chloe was providing just one perspective of the affair, and because of that, she was somewhat of an unreliable narrator. I wanted to emphasize that there were two sides to every story, and just because we’ve only seen Chloe’s side of things doesn’t mean that she’s blameless or that she’s completely right and has done nothing wrong. Though I wanted to focus on her/explore her journey, I didn’t want readers to think of her as a faultless victim. (I was also getting a lot of comments criticizing Beca’s character for being heartless/cruel, and I didn’t think that that was the case. I thought their situation was messy and confusing and hard on both of them, and I didn’t want people to think I was using her as a scapegoat to just like… assassinate her character.)

In my mind, no character is perfect. There’s no such thing as a black-and-white situation. No one is inherently good or bad. They’re just people, who make good and bad choices, who make mistakes, who let things get out of hand. I really wanted to be clear on that. So I ended up breaking with my plan and writing the interlude chapter. I think, in the end, I’m glad that I did.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Good Lord. This fic is so long… There are so many lines I like. How do I even pick?

I have a couple favorite lines of narration. These are just some of them (unsurprisingly, a lot of them are chapter summaries):

From Chapter 1:

(Earlier in the night Chloe stumbled over to Beca on swaying feet, grabbed her hands, and proclaimed that they were going to be “fast friends,” and Beca laughed and winked at her and made some joke about being naked and Chloe felt her stomach bottom out so suddenly that she wondered if she was tipping over backwards.)

From Chapter 4:

Fat Amy showing her vag to the leader of the Free World is not exactly how Chloe envisioned starting her year.

From Chapter 6:

But when she’s on that stage, performing for all those people… when she starts to sing that song, especially in the wake of their fight… something grips her. She feels this pull, this swell of romantic energy like she’s in the midst of a goddamn fairytale, and then she just…

Well, does she have any choice in the matter, really?

(He’s the acapella boy and she’s the acapella girl. This is their story.)

From Chapter 6:

She tries to say everything in that kiss that she’s never had the courage to say. I’ve missed you and I love you and I’m willing to try and I’m sorry and I don’t deserve you and Please just wait for me a little longer.

From Chapter 7:

The summer heat is oppressive in North Carolina. Thick air that feels like soup; slogging days of unendurable murky, foggy, wet waves. When it isn’t raining, the sun beats down against the tops of heads and the backs of necks, cooking cars and superheating pavement, scorching the flesh of bare feet that slap against the ground. The smell of freshly mown grass, new mulch, and — further towards to coast — salt spray permeates everything. Sun screen and bug spray make skin sticky; mosquitos flock from person to person in droves, only driven away by rare and brief breezes off the water. The air feels stagnant and heavy, the days endlessly long.

From Chapter 10:

Beca’s music has always so upbeat, so lively, so full of joy and energy and reckless abandon, all about pounding bass notes and soaring vocals, all about mixing together as many songs as possible until the artistry verges just on the hint of chaos.

From Chapter 11:

She bared herself to the entire world. She exposed every bit of her dirty laundry to millions and millions of people for them to look at, pick through, and analyze. She did the one thing she hates most in the world to prove to Chloe that she can, that she wants to, that she can be a new person, that she’s changed, that secrets and lies are all things in her past, and her future is an open book.

Of course. It’s for her. It’s always been for her.

From Chapter 12:

They’ve been together for a year, Chloe’s been living in LA for eight months, and for the past two months or so she’s taken up a near-permanent residence in Beca’s home. She already owns half of the shoe space, half of the space in the bathroom cabinet, and half of the drawers in Beca’s dresser. Her keys have a permanent spot by the door, her soy milk a permanent spot in Beca’s fridge. Her work schedule is stuck on the wall next to Beca’s calendar. Beca’s Netflix queue is full of Chloe’s favorite shows, Chloe’s favorite movies. All but Chloe’s least-favorite outfits have migrated to Beca’s closet, and all of the books she’s currently reading have found a place on Beca’s bedside table.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The hardest part to write were the years where Beca and Chloe didn’t talk. There were whole chapters that just dealt with Chloe and her depression, or Chloe and her inner monologue, or Chloe and her new life in Denver, or Chloe and her love life sans Beca. And those chapters were hard to write. I was really worried they would be boring, or that they would turn off readers, or that people wouldn’t respond well to Chloe dating other people, or that people wouldn’t like the inclusion of original characters, or that people would get annoyed with how they dragged on, or that people would object to the distinct lack of Beca for so much of the story.

But I really felt those chapters were necessary, because I really felt that Chloe had to learn for herself and grow and get better on her own before she and Beca could reconcile. I believed that, in order for Beca and Chloe to truly be together in a healthy way, they had to become healthy on their own. They couldn’t just be together because they fell together, but because they chose to be together. I wanted them to fight for each other, to realize that they weren’t using each other as an emotional crutch or a way to avoid dealing with the problems in their lives, but to realize that they actually helped each other, that each made the other stronger. So despite the fact that those chapters were really hard to write, I’m really glad that I did write them.

7: Where did the title come from?

This may be embarrassing to admit, but I actually have an entire document just of fic titles/small little ideas/summaries/exchanges of dialogue. So the title Perdition had been sitting around in my mind for a while, way before I even got the idea for the story. I was just waiting for the perfect fic to use it on. (I’m kinda obsessed with pretentious titles, if you guys haven’t noticed.)

As I explained in the summary for the story, “perdition” is a word that comes from Christian theology, and it means: “a state of eternal punishment and damnation into which a sinful and unpenitent person passes after death.” And I liked that; this idea that both Beca and Chloe understood that what they were doing was entirely wrong and unjust and, if you subscribe to that sort of belief system, “sinful”, but that neither of them really cared. They continued on with their affair with (seemingly) unrepentant, reckless abandon. I thought it summed up the themes of the story nicely. The beginning of the story, at least. The set up for the dramatic arc.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

While I knew how the fic was going to end when I started writing it (generally, at least, I knew that Beca and Chloe were going to end up together, and the Grammys acceptance speech was actually like the 5th scene I wrote), it still went through a lot of different drafts. In an early version of the story, Jesse was the one to walk in on Beca and Chloe mid-sexual encounter, but I ended up really hating what the scene said and how it treated Jesse as a character (and the fact that it took away Beca’s agency by denying her the chance to confess), so I got rid of that quickly.

Originally, Emily played a much smaller role in the story. But I liked her as a naïve sort of foil to Beca + Chloe; I liked her optimism and her almost-hero-worship of the two of them; and I liked being able to build a mentor-mentee relationship between Beca and Emily. So she ended up playing a bigger role in the story than originally intended.

In the original draft of the story, there were much fewer chapters. I think originally I only planned on having 6 (4 years of Beca + Chloe’s affair, 1 year apart, and then the chapter where they get back together), but I’ve never been very good at keeping my writing succinct. It just kept growing and growing and by the end I doubled the chapter count. But it felt right to me. All of the additions felt necessary. In the end, I don’t mind the length, because I told the story I wanted to tell.

Raquel was also a pretty late addition to the fic. I toyed a lot with the idea of having Chloe only go on a few unfulfilling dates with men during her time apart from Beca, because a part of me liked the idea of having Beca be her only female long-term romantic partner. But then it felt like I was trying to erase the bisexuality I had established for Chloe early on, so I wrote her a girlfriend. And then I ended up REALLY liking Raquel, so I gave her more and more to do, and I made their relationship stronger and stronger.

Originally, I wanted Chloe to be dating someone when she started having romantic feelings for Beca again, and then realize that she’d only ever really loved Beca etc. etc. etc., but in the end I didn’t like what that did to the story. It felt too much like the beginning, like Chloe hadn’t grown enough as a character. And besides, that’s just not realistic. Very few people have like… ONE true love. And in the end, I wanted Beca and Chloe to choose to be together, like I said. I wanted to have the possibility for other partners, the possibility for happiness elsewhere, and then have them decide to be together anyway. Because they wanted to, because that’s what felt right. So I felt like it was really important to build up their friendship again from the ground up. They couldn’t just leap into romance again after so long and after everything they went through. They needed a strong foundation first. And to have Beca see Chloe happy in a relationship, happy without her… I thought it was important for them to both know that it was possible.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

There are a LOT of things I like about this fic. I like its perspective, I like what it says. I like that it’s almost entirely from Chloe’s POV. I like that it’s a character study more than anything (which is something I’d never previously done). I like that it’s really long (and that I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT which didn’t seem likely for a while). I like that it takes its time, that it really builds to a natural conclusion, that it doesn’t feel rushed or hurried, that there’s a payoff that feels earned. I like all of that stuff.

But what I like most is the impact it’s had. I have gotten such extraordinary feedback from this story, things you guys wouldn’t believe. Not just comments and asks, but individual messages from people who have reached out to me and told me what reading Perdition meant to them. And that’s… I never expected that. It was just supposed to be a sexy little romp, something for me to work out my own feelings and practice writing some smut, and then it turned into this… behemoth of a story that SO many people read and responded to. And I never really anticipated that. But I’m SO glad that I wrote it. And I’m so glad so many of you liked it.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

People have asked me this question a lot! And I definitely did have a Perdition playlist or two going while I was writing it. It’s funny to look back on that music now, because it’s from like over a year ago and I don’t listen to those playlists often anymore, but I’ll link them below if people are interested:

https://morningsound15.tumblr.com/tagged/perdition-playlist

(tagged/perdition-playlist)

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

What a question. And a hard one to answer. I think anytime with writing, you end up learning a lot. About yourself, about your characters, about your own personal style. I do believe that writing this story really made my overall writing stronger. The fact that I was able to finish it and give people the ending they wanted was also huge for me, since most of my other really long stories are still unfinished.

I’m not 100% sure what I learned from writing this. I think I’m still learning. Every time I go back and reread it (and I did go back and reread most of it to answer these questions) I feel like I draw something new from the story. And every time I answer questions about it I feel like I understand my writing in ways I never have before.

#anonymous #asks #perdition #questions #long post

[okyio-archive]

hey guys !! im so sorry for being absent for so long :+( !! it’s been a crazy couple of days and i really needed to recover after everything that has been happening. again i just want to say thank you for everyone who has been so patient with me. i’m going to clear these anon msgs + i’ll respond to all my private msgs&discord chats + check out what i’ve missed once i wake up tomorrow. i love you guys sm for showing love + support. i wish you a happy thursday :+)

sims related

Would u ever do an editing tutorial? like how u draw little doodles and stuff like that! If it's not too much fo a hassle. love you SO MUCH!! <3

hey nonny :+) please check the faq next time !! I’ve answered how i drew the little doodles there but for a full blown tutorial i’ve already mentioned that i’ll do one once i have more free time :+) !! thanks for the support love !!

What are your favorite brushes for edits?

i recently found one right over here :+) and i’ve been experimenting w/ em !! tbh i dont have a fav cause im always trying out new brushes out + seeing which ones i like !!! so im sorry if that doesn’t answer your question asjkdhf

hi!!! hope you're having a good day!! is it okay to use the sims from your sim dump in a story as long as you get credit? if not i totally understand!

thanks nonny for asking :+) !! yeah definitely !! you can do whatever you like w/ them !! i would love to see so feel free to @ me :’+) have fun and tysm for using my sims :’+)!!

personal questions

Can i be your friend?

ofc nonny :+) !! ill prob reply slow af but i promise you that i would love to make friends :+) so hmu whenever you feel comfortable !!

How do you deal with perfectionism? Or what ever that word is????

honestly, tk wrote a perfect post outlining what she does and it helped me out a lot as well !! so check her post out + hopefully it can help you a bit too :+) if you ever need someone to talk to, im here :’+)

would it be ok if I asked u for friendship advice?

ofc nonny :+) !!! just hmu off/on anon in my inbox or pm if you wish :+) im always willing to help as long as you’re a little patient w/ me since i reply quite late haha but im always here to listen + give my 2 cents :+)

I find it so hard to study, I get distracted so easily and sometimes it isn’t my phone :(

awh man nonny i know what you mean. i struggle w/ studying a lot and i’m a uni student haha. besides the typical tips you can find online, what i found is this app called forest (it’s on ios + android devices!!) to help me stay on task (whether it’s studying/chores). check out more information here. it’s been honestly helping me a lot + who doesn’t like plants??? 

I don't know who to tell this to and you seem really kind: I'm the pickiest eater I've ever met or heard of. It's just NO most food is disgusting it just makes me wanna barf. And everyone treats me like a 4-year-old child. Nothing cheers me up anymore. I think I have selective eating disorder and nobody understands :( People are being mean to me all the time because I don't like certain foods and maybe I AM just a 4-year-old child. I need help and comfort :( Because being a picky eater is hard.

awh nonny first thank you for telling me about that :’+) im really sorry if im replying this super late asldkjf. i honestly really appreciate that you opened up to me about it okay? i know this can be difficult since it’s smt so personal. i want to let you know right now that i’m always here for you + supporting you okay? i know it’s difficult when your surrounding group of people don’t understand / support. although i haven’t personally dealt with this, i would suggest finding a professional + see what their take on it? if it’s to the extent that certain food makes you barf, it’s def more than just “wow ur picky” yeuno? cause you physically can’t eat smt without barfing it all out. seek a professional when you’re more comfortable okay? you dont have to do it now but baby steps!! remember you’re not alone, im always here for you oaky nonny :+) every step of the way!! lmk + update me okay? i’m wishing you luck ily !!

my moms having her 4th child and like im really nervous abt it cause this is the first time im actually old enough to like remember it and take care of him and like im scared

!! nonny thank you for coming up to me + telling me about it - i honestly really appreciate it :’+) !! first of all: congrats !! i know things will definitely be different since there are responsibilities to deal w/ and added stress but remember !! to take it slow okay? it’s 100% okay to make mistakes. it’s 100% normal to feel overworked. there will prob be more little arguments here and there since everyone will be quite restless + more irritable but take it slowly + (literally) baby steps okay? if it gets too much for you, take a breather and come back to it. im sure your mom will understand if it gets too much for you. and besides - im here supporting and rooting for you too nonny :+) !! i honestly cant imagine taking care of another human being at this age either - heCk i can’t even take care of myself askdjhf but remember it’s a learning curve!! it’ll take awhile + there will be a lot of obstacles to huddle through but it’ll be rewarding okay? again, if u ever need someone to talk to, im always here :+) !! ily nonny!! stay strong

Hi! I'm really sorry to bother you rn, but I just really, REALLY miss my dog who passed away several years ago. She was like my sister... I related to her more than people & I could always rely on her for comfort. All I want to do is just hug her again, but I know I can't do that. I just can't move on. I love her so much. I'm sorry, but I need to tell this to someone, ANYONE, because it's really been keeping me down lately...(dog death anon cont.) I've been seeing a therapist since she's died, and I've been on several medicines which DO help, but only to a certain degree. I realize there's a certain part that I, myself, need to control (ie moving on). but like I said, it's hard. I haven't told anyone this, because I'm afraid of looking stupid for letting my dog's death get to me this much that it's required hospitalizations and such. I just want to see her again. (end)

!!!!! asdf you’re never a bother nonny !! dont ever thing that alright? i’m always here for you ready to listen no matter what (i’m just a super slow replier so i apologize for that askdhf). but first thank you for coming to me + telling me about your personal problems - i honestly appreciate sm. i’m honestly so sorry nonny... i can relate to some extent because i got my dog when i was in gr 7 and he was my only friend who i can go to to feel love + comfort up since i’ve been bullied since elementary school & never really had friends. i can’t imagine what you’re going through .. i’m honestly so sorry. don’t think that you’re stupid at all okay? i’m the last person on the earth to ever think you are. i’m glad you’re seeking a therapist right now !! however, i 100% understand if it’s difficult to move on - cause it is!! my grandpa past away 10 years ago and he was one of my best friends and he was really the only “father figure-like” role model i look up to. till this day my heart aches thinking about my grandfather and how much i miss him. similarly, i would definitely feel the exact same way w/ my dog if he passed away because i treasure him sm. so don’t be too hard on yourself about moving on. i know it’s easier said than done but different people vary on how long they mourn for. some can be 100% okay in a couple months while others takes years - and that’s 100% okay! why? because we’re human. there’s no need to rush in “moving on” - take it in your own pace. i know the pressure / stigma of others thinking you’re “weird/stupid” for being like this state further creates anxiety/stress in “forcing” yourself to rapidly wanting to move on. however, i urge to try your best to ignore what others might think + focus on yourself to the best of your abilities. perhaps distract yourself in finding a new hobby / doing smt that you love or smt new. it takes time to recover - no matter how long you take, no one’s rushing you oke :+)? ill be here every step of the way if u ever need me. it’s okay to have those days where you tried so hard but u end up at point A because after you go through that hurdle, you’ll be closer to your goal. take as long as you need - baby steps nonny :+) i’m here rooting for you oke? i love you so much. you’re a strong sweetheart and i know you can do it. 

#mail time #*a #ask #*n #long text #it's 4am i finally finished typing askdjfh #i also made an edit so watch out for that !!!! #im going to bed but ill reply to everyone once i wake up tmr #ily

[paraclete0407]

BlackPink the KJI turn of K-wave, literally walk away.  I don’t like to reprise my condescending voice from the past with phrases like ‘complete retard’ and ‘s-s---k Tory-toff’ but there were some brain-damaged individuals on 4chan KPG who really loved Rose from BP - three times love, tragically like... I was at Boy Scout camp at 13 learning to sail a ‘Sunfish,’ Camp Wakpominee, this kid couldn’t stop singing ‘You are my sunshine.’  Cram-school kids singing commercial jingles(?!).  One of the best or the most ‘enriching’ of experiences in my life was learning Latin and sacred music in high school after an MS career of patronizing pedo empowerment-palaver but still it might’ve been better just to hang in with the United Methodist Church despite allowing women to teach and being clannish and political and [I don’t want to say] - it’s not really that but the desire for intellectual independence

I had a speech-impediment till HS and learned to pronounce things through singing; have come to think much of SLP (speech language pathology) was a predatory or dummy industry though I don’t really know - dept. of how do you utter real / authentic words to a fake face.  Campaign to destroy authenticity / ‘let us now lay burdens on our children we are unwilling to share’ although it could be JFK RFK MLK assassinations, 1970s ennui / malaise, Carter telling everyone ‘you’re bad and sad’ but having no real plan, urgency, intensity, passion and sundry knife-fights had inflicted clinical depression on the Boomers first of all

I tried to make sense of ‘crucify with spiritual weapons’ but came back now to what’s the worst thing that happened to me but fretted I would invent something that didn’t happen or flatter my vanity with ‘career patient war-stories.’  I’ve been hazed again and again and still not ‘washed.’  Maybe the fault was all mine for a superiority complex or maybe for going out.  Public school / Democrat or perhaps popular democracy philosophy of 2 wrongs make right, our wrongs make right, the more wrongs the better, ‘Pieta’ Tammy Baldwin.    

‘MinjuSchizo’ (me) tried to bypass Rose-tard since xer had a ‘Gay and Melancholy Sound’ + could be a schtick but IDK.  Bad people still want good things like Snoop having a diamonds are no longer good.  IDK why I have been this student of the pathetic.  ‘And it may that in 2221 they’ll say in 2021 Man once again feared his best dept. of Nelson Mandela ‘we fear we are strong.’  ‘Itching ears.’  I don’t like talking poetically about clear and present threats to well-being tho b/c it makes it seem like Broadway.  ‘This is a God that is like us’.... am I missing the mark?

‘Converging and coalescing’ - Hayao Miyazaki anime was a mistake, 100% pedophilia; BlackPink, 100% obliteration.  The best anime film arguably as Whisper of the Heart b/c it’s about wanting to be an adult but the guy who made it blew hiw own health out permanently (karoshi?), made ultimate animated motion picture, perished on 1st film.  Asian adoption also pedophilia, Latin American dictator pedophilia.  I’m ot even gonna say b/c Koreans discovered Freudian psychology like Freud’s read of Lear a bit too late and Freudianism makes some people in to demon-children.  I’m put in mind if Spider Eaters and The Vagrants where at the end of the CultRev it as, ‘Nope!  Red Guards got too mentally ill - time to blow them all away with general infantry.’  I kept telling my parents Maoism just leads back to old-fashioned hierarchy, authority, defined roles.  This MO silences a lot of people; in KR saintly leaders got tortured, sat on death-row to make something better.  In America they wanna dismantle everything or contract everyone or I really don’t even know.. No honest military police in ‘Waukee just go-getting careerists who joined up for pay.  Another former president of the ROK said his mom refused to let him take pay for serving neighbors - my only mistake was asking anything lately.. 

But I don’t know what will happen one hour from now.. 

I was only following Yuna Kim and Taeyeon on IG b/c I don’t understand social media then my old friends who never quite included me started tracking me again IDK if it is just AI making them do it; I reduced from 2 to just Taeyeon... IDK if I should say this but her lower legs gave me a feeling, new flowers every day but IDK, I used to think of her as this celebrity whom my scholarly genius could surround but I sincerely wish she’d pull an Elizabeth Taylor or Christina Aguilera; I still remember ‘the Most Beautiful Journey’ though in retrospect; anyway I know guys from all over this world are sending her presents 24-7-365 but I bet she’s more sophisticated than me in retrospect or all celebrity-culture is ‘stupidly simple’ (Daul Kim) and female-fetishization / Goddess-worship really is just mother-fear or Fear of Men or ev1 really was just hoping to avoid Holiness and masculinity.  Still listening to that wave-song I am like, ‘I know who you are,’ unlike my literal parents, and nearly ev voice in Milwaukee is just totally fake voice - I do not mean phony or what but just like, there was this Do As Infinity song ‘kimi wa dare, boku wa dare.... no yoru lose yourself’ - Night Falls Over Milwaukee, beyond respecting lies like KJI said ‘I raped and trafficked 11-year-olds to get nukes’ - that is kind of sincere’ I guess but being beyond whether a lie is a lie or not even neway I do still think a lot about ‘In Sunlight and in Shadow’ as ell and wanted to cast either SJH or Cha Yeryun (ultra-underrated) in the Korean version... 

I guess ‘not care lie or truth’ alas is part o the condition of ‘fiction’ which puts me back with my cousins and the doll-house, endless make-believe and RPG’s..

My other ‘sacred possession’ in the past was SNSD’s ‘Sonyeo Tokyo’ photobook that I used to make poems for; Seohyun was my favorite when they kicked out and bullied her again and again.  For a time I had a little ‘consolation-prize’ gesture I would tell myself which was ‘walking out of dinner party hand-grenade over left shoulder on to middle of munchies table cuz you guys are wife-bought-me-sex-slave-CCP-naked-sushi human trash’ - I also don’t know what they mean + it’s ancient history.  The dream was not a dream / the style was not a style / love passed through here a while / and... that picture of the Japanese sea with its particular mercury but at times liquid gold; there are times as Blaise Pascal might put it to say ‘Sea of Japan’ as well as ‘East Sea’

When I taught at [Beauty School] my fav song was BTBAL with its repeated syntax ‘The reason’ like ‘The reason why the wind shines / the flower falls / night surrounds you’ - but that whole self-regard-system might be going out the window dep. on your reading of Isaiah and ‘ladylike’ ~ as back then I wrote giant lists about Seohyun, EA-A / teenagers, stress-management; now everyone’s just stealing my words.  At times I feel I see their souls are just dangling them down through their spine with no real [avidity?] but I guess it’s getting better of late(?) ~ I took the escalator at Whole Foods and keep thinking of last ultimate love-rejection and how retard at HS was like ‘Teacher I don’t like your sock’ - Me, ‘IDC’ - but this was poor-in-spirit who probably knew exactly what he needs to know whilst I am like 9-gifted fortunate son and I can’t totally lock in if I believe my sister’s suitcase-nuke prophecy or its a joke-metaphor abt my fanfics and stuff on my drives / that I had a private life

+ also these beautiful disabled or simple people and communism is like leave none behind - like no Uighur to tell what happened or Khmer Rouge killing like 25% of pop, emptying the hospitals, glasses-wearers die, they still think Santa Mao is going to pull the homeless of the street; ‘Humana Vitae’ predicted this all so did GnR’s ‘It’s So Easy’ but guess what about ev1 pleasing you

[robininthelabyrinth]

"New writer ask meme: based on my body of work, what’s something you’d like to see me try to write?" like. you wrote a story within a /menu/ so you can take this as a prompt or just respond but. if you can make a menu compelling, what about something else. like a professor binn's history lecture, swapping in for the teacher and subject of your choice, but something where the students have fallen asleep five minutes in but there's a compelling story under the surface. idk if it's possible, (cont)

re: the hist lecture thnx for letting me know tumblr didn’t send it! can’t remember xactly what was in each ½ of the ask but short version: if any1 can make a dry lecture (note: not just any lecture, but a boring one), abt history or other, compelling, it’d be u. just as people say that x celeb reading the phone book could be cool, I feel the same could be true for u, which brings me to thing I’d like to see u write 2: a phone book story. idk how the flip it would work but it’d be interesting

————————————————————————————————

I think that my Makers of History fic might fulfill your first craving - it’s not boring, but it’s written in the style of a history textbook :) 

That being said, your SECOND prompt irresistibly caught my eye.

It’s not a phone book, but I hope you still enjoy!

Fic:  Central City Classifieds: December 2017 Edition (direct link to Ao3)

Fandom: Flash, Arrow, Legends of TomorrowPairing: Leonard Snart/Mick Rory, suggestions of unfulfilled Mick Rory/Caitlin Snow

Summary: Central City Picture News is a respectable news organization, with serious journalism, editorials, opinion columns, sports coverage, arts review, and international news.

So why does everyone keep reading the classifieds?

(Answer: because they’re hilarious.)

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CENTRAL CITY CLASSIFIEDS - December 2017

New Business Opening:Super Tailoring: For All Your Superhero or Supervillain NeedsAsk for ~Leo~–New Business Opening:Supersuit Construction Corp.Super-suits for Superheroes, Supervillains, and More!Theme-appropriate nicknames included!Ask for C. RamonOur Motto: “We make proper supersuits here – our competitors should just go back to their stupid earth where the bad guys need suspenders to hold their outfits together.”–New Business Opening:Super-RepairsWe Fix Mistakes In Science Done By Supersuit Construction Corp.Ask for Harry W.–Announcement:All creditors to whom Harrison Wells owed money, please come to STAR Labs for a pleasant surprise. Ask for C. Ramon; he’ll direct you to the right place.–New Business Opening:TherapyVery Reasonable Prices – Sliding Scale AvailableFree to Superheroes and SupervillainsPLEASE YOU SHOULD ALL GO GET THERAPY RIGHT NOWAsk for ~Leo~

–Announcement:39 Surprisingly High-End Possibly-From-The-Future Toasters for Sale. No returns.Ask for B. Allen.–For sale, goods:One Cold Gun, barely used. Must go to good home. Must agree to take angst, hallucinations, budding drinking problem, and mourning of 30 years of partnership and marriage with you.–New Business Announcement:John Constantine – Exorcist, Demonologist and Master of the Dark ArtsIn Town for a Limited Time Only!–Wanted:Better security system capable of removing unwanted stowaways from advanced-future time ship. Call and ask for Sara.–Wanted:Any security system. At all. Please. Villains just walk in all the time.Call STAR Labs.–New Business Opening:Legendary Security ServicesBe Protected By the Legends of Tomorrow(no warranties apply, please ensure you have appropriate insurance before hiring)–Job Opening:Legendary Security ServicesSeeking Security Consultant – Superhero Experience WelcomeMust have Zambezi Totem To ApplyAsk for A. Jiwe and Z. Tomaz.All Time Periods Welcome.–Wanted:Any OTHER security system.Call STAR Labs.–New Business Opening:Colorful Light Show & Anger Management TherapyProcess Your Emotions, See Beautiful ColorsAsk for R. G. Biv.–Job Opening:Individual with meta powers wanted for long-term scheme against the Flash.Applications can be left by the statue of the Thinker in Central City Art Museum.–Announcement:Are you fucking kidding me?? Does that actually work?? – B. Allen.–Job Opening:New Mentor Figure. Must Not Be Evil.Harrison Wells doppleganger preferred.No individuals named Eobard need apply.Stringent interview process being implemented.Applications can be sent to STAR Labs. Honestly, just walk in, there’s no security system.–New Business Opening:Outdoor Wedding ServicesPlanning Your Outdoor Wedding? Worried About the Weather?Don’t Be!Call M. Mardon To Ensure Your Perfect Day!(Also available to ruin your exes’ wedding, but it costs extra.)–New Business Opening:Welcome to The FLASH Museum!Learn all about your favorite local Supehero in intimate, behind-the-scenes detail!Call: the H.R. Wells Estate.–Cease and Desist Order Lawsuit Filed Against the Flash Museum. C/O the Flash, STAR Labs.–While I’m at it, Cease and Desist Order Filed Against Local “Team Flashers” Club. It’s not funny! C/O the Flash, STAR Labs.–Wanted:Someone capable of making puppets in a wide variety of shapes and sizes.Preferably soft and capable of resisting impact; designed to be used in therapy sessions.Ask for ~Leo~–For sale, goods:Slutty clothing, barely used. Very reasonable price, just need to get rid of it.Ask for Snow at Star Labs.–For sale, goods:All clothing in my closet. Basically free. Need to get rid of it in revenge.Ask for Frost at Star Labs.–For sale, services:All the ice you could possibly want, no need for ice machine.Ask for Frost at Star Labs. Say that Snow sent you.–For sale, services:Under-the-table medical care. Reasonable prices.Feel free to report to the local medical licensing board afterwards if dissatisfied.Ask for Snow at Star Labs. Say that Frost sent you.–Announcement:Local man with flamethrower seeking attractive girl with ice powers for NSA good time while he is in the present location/time. Willing to annoy additional personality for free.–Announcement:Nice try. No.– Snow and Frost–Business Announcement:Therapy – now offering relationship and family counsellingAlso lessons in pre-planning, emotional openness, and honest communicationAsk for ~Leo~–New Business Opening:Ever wanted to swim with the sharks, but afraid or unwilling to pay for travel? Never fear!Swimming Lessons with King SharkReasonable prices.Call ARGUS for additional details.–Wanted:Secret room for plotting and/or emotional processing of grief. No spying devices allowed.If you have any locations, call John Constantine, Leo Snart, or Mick Rory.Payment available only in Earth-X cash, since the other two are broke.–Announcement:Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak are pleased to announce that they will be wed in a ceremony on the Star City Central Green at the end of this week.–Announcement:Another one?! Didn’t you two get married ALREADY?A Totally Not Bitter Central City Picture News Journalist–Announcement:Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak are pleased to announce that they will be renewing their vows at the end of this week, this time before a rabbi and their friends.–Announcement:You didn’t have a rabbi the FIRST time?Noah Kutler & Donna Smoak–Announcement:What the hell are you two doing filing a joint newspaper announcement???Felicity Smoak–Announcement:Answer us about the rabbi question.Noah Kutler & Donna Smoak–Announcement:They would’ve been able to use the rabbi we used at my wedding, but they got him killed.Frost–Announcement:That was MY wedding, not yours!Snow–Announcement:Best wishes to Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen on their upcoming vow renewal.We’re sorry for accidentally setting your entire extended family on you.Team Flash–Announcement:Did you REALLY re-gift us the espresso machine we gave you??Oliver Queen–Announcement:It was on your registry in exactly the same way it was on ours.Iris West.–Wanted:Someone willing to obtain a list of ingredients, some very esoteric, without asking too many questions as to why. Speed of the essence – need to get all the ingredients before the next full moon.Call John Constantine, Leo Snart, or Mick Rory.–Wanted:An army willing to destroy the world and worship at the feet of GRODD.No need to apply. Just think the name of GRODD and we will come for you.–For Sale:Telepathy-Resistant Emergency Evacuation Devices, available to help you resist Grodd’s mind control long enough to escape. The newest fashion statement. Also, basically free.Available at STAR Labs.–Job Opening:Qualified therapists with an advanced understanding of ethics, client confidentiality, and self-defense. As many as possible. At once. This is so much worse than I could have possibly believed.Ask for ~Leo~–New Business Opening:Freaky Supervillain Carnival(Totally NOT a set up trap for the Flash)Come see the Dangerous MIRROR MAZE! The magnificent, nauseating WHIRLYGIG!Job opening available for a clown, preferably with teeth, to keep away certain unwanted old acquaintances.Call S. Scudder and R. Dillon.–Wanted:Surveillance method capable of keeping an eye on three grown men with the capabilities of John Constantine, Leo Snart, and Mick Rory (included for comparison).Something’s up, and Gideon’s not sharing.Must be compatible with 25th century technology.–For sale, goods:Exploding dreidels, for a ridiculously deadly Hannukah prank!Totally not the CCPD trying to trap the Trickster again.Entirely by coincidence, please call the CCPD if you’re interested.–Wanted:Young black men who for a variety of flimsy reasons are no longer currently engaged in active super-heroing except in awesome but sadly brief cameos.We’re making our own club over in Keystone.Call c/o W. West and J. Jackson.–Wanted:Bounty Hunter capable of tracking and eliminating that pesky C. Ramon for having made a crude comment at my precious and perfect daughter.Call Josh (Breacher) on Earth-19–Wanted:Bodyguard capable of protecting me from a crazy overprotective asshole dad who can’t accept the fact that we’re ALREADY SLEEPING TOGETHER.Female bodyguard capable of extreme badassery preferred.Call C. Ramon on Earth-1–Announcement:I, Josh, hereby apologize to my adult daughter for having sought to control her sexuality in such an inappropriate manner. She is free to date whomever she wishes and progress in her relationship at her own chosen speed.Please call off your Amazons.–Business Name Change:Legendary Security Services will now be known as Legendary Amazon Security.Because we’re just that awesome.A. Jiwe, Z. Tomaz, K. Saunders–Police Announcement:Will anyone with any knowledge of what caused that giant blue-green explosion in STAR Labs please call the CCPD immediately? Ask to speak with Detective West.–Retraction:Cold gun no longer available for sale following explosive retrieval process.Bill for all property damage may be directed c/o John Constantine.–Announcement:We are sad to announce that John Constantine has passed away.Please send any bills for property damage care of Zatana.–Announcement:John Constantine is not actually dead. He’s just hiding away on the Waverider again.Personal note: John, if I get one more bill, I’m coming for your balls.Zatanna–Retraction:The reports of John Constantine’s death are greatly exaggerated.We apologize for the inconvenience.He is, however, unavailable to accept any bills.–New Business Opening:Magic Tricks by Abra KadabraMention Harry Potter One More Time And I Will Break My Parole And Kill You All–Invitation:The Epic Len and Leo Welcome Back/Going Away PartyAll Welcome – Bring Presents(Puns preferred)–For sale, goods:One freaky supervillain carnival set up, barely used. Very reasonable price.Have to leave town ASAP because there are now TWO Snarts and that’s two too many.Call S. Scudder and R. Dillon.–Wanted:Seeds for Golden Delicious Apples, Golden Berries, and Golden Corn.Please send to Gotham City, c/o Lisa Snart.–Announcement:Lisa, why are you in Gotham? And what’s with all the plants???With love,Your Concerned Friends and Family

#dccoldwave #mick rory #leonard snart #barry allen #iris west #oliver queen #felicity smoak #john constantine #many others #my fic #Anonymous

[insaneinspireddreamer]

I’m taking a course this semester on Islam, the religion I’ve been practicing for my 21 years of life.

I picked a fight with my textbook on day 1. Just the way the author was writing seemed slightly arrogant and at times straight up offensive.

we also have to write a weekly reading reflection for each reading. And because I have beef with this textbook written by a white author who’s seemingly trying hard but is making some seriously obvious and avoidable mistakes, I’ve been taking out my frustrations in the reading reflection, where instead of making some halfassed shitty reflections about “what I learned uwu” (which I’m p sure is what my prof is looking for), I’ve been tearing apart the book at every chance I get. Like I’m learning a little bit, but I gotta sift through so much white western bullshit

Anyway I’m in lecture for that class rn and the prof is shading me for “thinking I have knowledge abt Islam but I don’t actually know anything”. The commentary I got on the most recent reflection said I should stop judging the white author so much cuz he’s an expert in the field and just cuz he’s white doesn’t make him automatically unknowledgable.

Which like, fair, if there’s a white, non-muslim person out there who know more about Islam than me, I’d be happy to learn from them. But this dude was making mistakes that 5 yr olds don’t make, and speaking about the prophet in a frankly offensive manner, as if he’s just some historical dude and not a highly respected and iconic figure for Muslims

Imagine a Christian textbook casually talking about Jesus. Have some respect

Like the author just doesn’t care how his writing is perceived by a white audience because there was stuff he wrote that were blatantly offensive. But me pointing out his shitty writing style is “not engaging with the text”

Guess I’m too muslim for this class so clearly geared towards a westernized audience. Anyway I’m just venting cuz I honestly thought this class would be fun but I’m just angry and my prof is docking marks from my reflection because I’m angry 🙃

#islam #I’m ​venting #high key would drop out but it’s too late now #like this guy #would it have killed him to get a Muslim editor so he’s not talking about djinn possessing humans in chapter 1? #like that’s a major harmful myth that’s used against people who need mental health intervention #but it gets chalked up as ‘possession’ #and this bastard was just reaffirming that in an acedemic textbook #CHILDREN KNOW THAT SHITS A MYTH JUST TALK TO A MUSLIM DUDE ITS NOT THAT HARD #also my prof is Muslim but she’s following this book to a T like woman please think for yourself this shit’s harmful to Muslims it’s not ok #why not just pick a book by a Muslim author #or by multiple authors #dii no ksidjskrksdj still angry