#and my sense of self and how i view otehrs is permenantly ruined and ill never be the same ill never be a kid

[npdlangley]

mfw. theres no actual point to my existence

#txt #i dont remember any of my childhood + i have no future that isnt just me looking after my brother and i always have to think of it so i #cant die anyways #and because of my crappy childhood (which i can barely remember) im unable to form healthy attachments anf have healthy relationships with #people i love and care about #and my sense of self and how i view otehrs is permenantly ruined and ill never be the same ill never be a kid #ill never get to be ok in the way i shouldve as a cjhild #i wasnt even safe online i was in a crpapy abusive friendship / relationship for a good few years and felt powerless and felt so much dread #and i got itno things i shouldnt have and no one saved me #or said anything #no one cared or did anything #no one treated me nicely #no one ever will #im doomed #im nt meant to be here #i wasnt meant to exist #i was supposed to be long gone forever ago #i shouldve fuckign died back in middle school like i hoped #mybe i shouldve gotten into a lousy car crash i dont know i dont want to be here #i have no purpose besides looking after my brother but tghats it #he shouldnve have been born i shouldnt have been born #my parwnts shouldve never married or gotten together or even met