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Of Gods and Mice: CúChulainn

So, once again we return to discussing the presentation of Celtic entities in High-Rez Studio’s Smite. As always these are intended to be examinations not on accuracy, but how figures are being approached in order to see what areas Celtic Studies could benefit from improving on their public outreach in.

Today we are looking at CúChulainn, who is dubbed The Hound of Ulster which is entirely appropriate. Let’s dive in!

Now, CúChulainn, unlike pretty much everyone we have ever examined, is absolutely massively fleshed out. We know pretty much everything about his personality, his appearance, his capacities, his relationships, everything. This is because CúChulainn is more-or-less the primary focus of an entire segment of Irish Mythology, the Ulster Cycle. CúChulainn as Ulster’s greatest Hero (think of Hero as a profession) features in the majority of these myths, or the myths serve as background detail for major events CúChulainn is involved in. The myth that is best known is the Táin Bó Cúailnge, the Cattle Raid of Cooley.

CúChulainn is a semi-Divine Hero in this cycle of Irish mythology, an expert at almost everything he does, a bit obnoxious, prone to making horrific decisions, and a bit of a rage machine. He is a fascinating character, I suggest everyone to read the Táin at least once.

Anyways, now, on with Smite’s Lore about CúChulainn. It is fascinating that it is almost perfect with just four little errors. Firstly, it says that he is a man, and that is not entirely correct since it is an important plot point that he is not regarded as an adult yet by the time of his death. Secondly, it says that he is a tragic figure, which is a bit of a misunderstanding. While he dies young, it is a glorious death, CúChulainn’s story is in no way a tragedy for him, he died perfectly, young, flawless, and gloriously. The only flaw of him is that he violates one of his personal taboos, a Geas, which leads to his death. The other errors are just that Cathbad’s Prophecy was not an “Any” clause, but a “the first” situation, and there is no textual evidence to suggest Cathbad felt badly at all. Everyone thought CúChulainn was being a bit of a shit in that section really.

What is neat about this almost perfect accuracy is it is so close, but the slight errors give us some insight into where the information is coming from. CúChulainn has become an adult in this retelling, and his story has become tragic, the prophecy changed so that anyone could have joined him in his fate, but no others did since it was a ‘bad’ fate. This retelling is rather modern, CúChulainn becoming a tragic hero instead as a perfect ideal of how you should want to die. It’s pretty neat really!

Moving on, lets take a look at his appearance in-game. It can be found here. As you can see, CúChulainn has an ‘alternate form’ called the Ríastrad or Warp-Spasm where he becomes monstrous and generally gets a ‘power-up’. Let’s get into looking at both of these forms.

In his normal form, we can quickly make a list of things that are not right. Firstly, his spear (the Gae Bolga) is not metal in the myths, it is made of the bone of a sea monster. Next, we don’t have any record of pants in Ireland in the Iron Age when the story is set, and even at that those look like very High Middle-Ages pants. We can’t see his right hand, but his left hand only has five digits, when he is supposed to have six. I can’t make out his eyes to see if he has three pupils in each. Each of his hairs is also supposed to be three different colors. And, lastly, as always, no tattoos. Looks like that is a Pictish depiction of a dog as well on his right pectoral, that’s the wrong region. But! They did avoid giving him a beard, that is probably the most important part of his depiction in my mind, it is important culturally and within the story.

Now, that Ríastrad... that is really weird looking, and I think I can peg exactly why it is depicted as it is. The Ríastrad is often described as ‘Hulking Out’ since it is a good short-hand for what it is, but it loses a lot of detail through such descriptions. The Ríastrad is very specifically explained, and the Ríastrad in Smite looks nothing like it. The only thing it looks like they got right is that one of his eyes bulges massively, while the other shrinks so far into his skull that not even a heron could pluck it out.

Canonically, we have no suggestion that he gains any mass in this state as Smite depicts it. His hair should spike out (interestingly, this is similar to the description we have from the Romans of Gauls using lime-water to spike their hair), his legs twist around so they are backwards inside his skin, the sinews on his head and neck should bulge out (making knots the size of infant’s heads), his maw should open massively so you can see into his stomach, his lungs and liver should be sticking into his mouth, and fire should be generally spitting out his face. He should also have a massive golden light behind his head.

The depiction of CúChulainn in his Warp-Spasm here is really interesting since it seems that the really grotesque, but interesting features have been ignored in favor of just having him ‘Hulk out’ and gain massive physical mass.

His voice lines are also rather interesting. I’m not sure if they are pronouncing his name correctly, but don’t trust me on that since I have not been taught Modern Irish, only learning Old Irish, and it’s... a weird bit different from what I have been told. What is really odd, however, is he sounds really Scottish. I vaguely remember there being a bit of an outcry when he was put out over this, since, you know, he is an incredibly important part of Ireland, and the nation’s self-identity. (both sides of the border, it gets messy arguing over who ‘gets’ him)

Anyways, for his powers, they did give him the Salmon’s Leap! That’s canonically part of his massive list of strange Heroic Feats. Not very well examined academically, but generally think of these like tricks ranging from juggling swords, to running along spears mid-air. Rather neat idea that I think could do with some more in-depth investigation at some point. It’s also nice they built the Gae Bolga into his kit, but it is not his primary weapon mythically. The Gae Bolga is sort of a Nuke he keeps in reserve until he really needs it. It is a thrown spear, not one he uses in melee, and can only be used once a fight due to how it works. When you stab someone with it, the bone barbs that cover the head shoot out, and fill every vain in the foe’s body, meaning you need to take several hours to hack the corpse off the spear so you can use it again. I feel like it would have made a good Ultimate based on doing massive damage and a root to someone.

So, anyways. In sum, CúChulainn is so close to being accurate here, and the ways in which he isn’t accurate are utterly interesting. Like Artio he is being artistically depicted as abstractly ‘Celtic’ rather than Irish which is too bad. His very detailed description from the mythic texts are also ignored in favor of making him a strapping blonde lad which is curious. His Warp-Spasm is also very clearly intended to evoke thoughts of The Hulk (this is also referenced several times in his voice lines) which is a very modern explanation to how it works.

I would say that I expect they used a short encyclopedia entry for him, which explains why his physical description is not drawn from the details in-text, and why his spear is used incorrectly, but they included the Salmon’s Leap which feels like something you might only notice if you read the text itself. It’s very interesting how they have approached him either way. They essentially have divorced him from his Irish context, giving him a Scottish voice actor, giving him Pictish tattoos, taking away the mass triplism in his appearance. It’s very similar to what we have seen with all of the ‘Celtic’ ‘Gods’ so far, their regionalism is being obliterated in favor of unifying them all.

And as a final closing, it’s too bad there’s no reference to either Emer or Fer Diad in his voice lines. I love Emer showing up with her fifty best friends armed to the teeth ready to cut the Fairy Queen Fand when she has tried to steal CúChulainn from her (really interesting article on this was done last year, including it in the bibliography) and I am pretty sure that CúChulainn was doing something with Fer Diad, the whole section is just like overtly homoerotic.

Carson, Ciaran, trans. The Táin: A New Translation of the Táin Bó Cúailnge. London: Penguin Books, 2008.

Gantz, Jeffrey, trans. Early Irish Myths and Sagas. New York: Dorset Press, 1981.

McCone, Kim. Echtrae Chonnlai and the Beginnings of Vernacular Narrative Writing in Ireland: A Critical Edition with Introduction, Notes, Bibliography and Vocabulary. Maynooth Medieval Irish Texts I. Naas: The Leinster Leader, 2000.

#celtic mythology #irish mythology #cu chulainn #smite #hirez smite

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