#and the absolute stigma in a small town of being anything but straight??? crisis. then going to school and learning abt free love ???

[lifesver]

i still just think that leland's like... tendency toward neutral blues and browns in his clothing, nothing too bright, no warm colours really, is also just a reflection of him being sort of withdrawn in some ways about aspects of himself. like yeah he's social he's golden retriever energy he's friendly and kind and polite, but it's almost more like, he's fluid in the way that he shifts into that for the people around him? to bring them up, bring their spirit up, be a source of warmth or a pillar of support for them. but i think that without the energy/moral support he gets from friends and family, he is actually a fairly quiet, understated sort of person, who can fit into a lot of situations easily and adapt. but doesn't necessarily know who he is without people around him? he's social, but he puts on more of it to impress or camoflauge, and to be what he thinks he should be, esp when he starts at college. hanging out w the dudes on the team and that kinda crowd. how he survived highschool and was generally well liked back home fr

i think it's the friend group that brings out his most genuine side, and brings him out of the insecurities he has about himself and how he presents and just all of it rly. i don't think he had Bad friends growing up or anything, but i don't think he had the same depth of understanding from them, that he got from the friends he meets in college. it kind of unlocked the part of himself that he mainly only was at home around his mom and sisters. w the sensitivity, and the types of things that might be attributed to being more stereotypically feminine.

#it's the pathological urge to please people that makes him shift persona just slightly when he has to. just pisces things honestly #but also not make himself too bold too offensive. just a guy. Normal even- like his dad would have drilled into his head #it's u know. it's also Raised A Boy In The 60s/70s type energy anyway. these are the things u can be. #i feel like i could do another post about how that's also just sort of... [vague gestures] gender and sexuality presentation things #look at him look at his prettyboy hair. he's concerned w his appearance. but he's a jock so it's easier to have things brushed off i feel #me like. yeah the type of guy that cried telling his mom abt being bi. which she was fine w but like never telling dad fr #and the absolute stigma in a small town of being anything but straight??? crisis. then going to school and learning abt free love ???