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thaliberator · 4 years

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F**K Peace

How Riots Came to Be Black America’s Most Effective Agent for Systemic Change

As the video moves forward, something deep down inside of me keeps hoping this is the time that someone, anyone, any of the dozens of train passengers and bystanders will put down their cellphones and intervene somehow, in some way before transit policeman Johannes Mehserle shoots a defenseless Oscar Grant in the back, puncturing his lung, killing him as he lay face down in the Fruitvale BART Station.

As the video moves forward, something deep down inside of me keeps hoping this is finally the time that someone, anyone, any of the bystanders will intervene somehow, in some way before NYPD Officer Daniel Pantaleo compresses Eric Garner's neck using a chokehold that forces him to the ground before four officers swarm in on his back, compressing his chest and leaving him motionless on the sidewalk, an hour before he was pronounced dead at Richmond University Medical Center.

As the video moves forward, something deep down inside of me keeps hoping this is the time that Walter Scott will somehow outrun the bullets fired by North Charleston Police Officer Michael Slager that will soon pierce his back and drop him to the ground in the field where he will be pronounced dead.

As the video moves forward, something deep down inside of me keeps hoping this is the time that Samuel DuBose has his driver's license and University of Cincinnati Police Officer Ray Tensing doesn't have to fabricate a story about being dragged by a moving car to justify the fatal shot he fires into DuBose's head at point-blank range.

As the video moves forward, something deep down inside of me keeps hoping this is the time that paramedics arrive to save the life of Philando Castile before his life slowly slips away opposite the barrel of St. Anthony Police Officer Jeronimo Yanez's gun, now four bullets lighter, as four-year-old eyes watch the grim scene play out to her mother's heart-wrenching narration.

As the video moves forward, something deep down inside of me keeps hoping this is finally the time the pleas of onlookers and the desperate cries of “I can’t breathe” trigger some level of humanity in three Minneapolis Police Officers standing by indifferently as officer Derek Michael Chauvin drives the full weight of his body into the neck chest and spine of George Floyd, as he becomes increasingly unresponsive, eventually being pronounced dead at Hennepin County Medical Center an hour later.

It's a pointless exercise. The facts never change. The outcomes remain the same.

What I'm left with a toxic mix of the deepest sadness and the most furious anger at not only the injustice of it all, but the prescient knowledge that I could be looking at any of the men closest to me — cousins, uncles, friends, my son, or even myself.

And I am far from alone or unique. It is this fear, this anger, this sadness, this outrage that permeates the collective Black community from coast-to-coast, that gave birth to the Black Lives Matter Movement, that has been the ominous cloud of injustice that has shaded our journey since being brought to these shores. It is the persistent, insidious idea that you are less than, that you are not worthy of dignity, respect, and decency in the eyes of those with the ability and authority to snatch your life away at a moment's notice with or without cause.

In too many communities police officers are the foot soldiers reinforcing this message daily to Black men — whether through demeaning language intended to incite, verbal and physical intimidation and threats, or any number of other modes of interaction that underscore just where the authority lies.

But here we are at a unique point in time when technology has allowed us to stitch together the bruised and bloodstained patches of our police abuse quilt to expose a pattern of harassment from the mighty mountains of New York to the curvaceous slopes of California. Our pain and suffering are being put on display for all the world to see. Black Lives Matter has grown from a hashtag to a powerful movement with a fundamental relevance that now has the world's attention.

But the gulf between attention and corrective action has only seemed to widen. Because we've had the world's attention before.

When the grainy footage of LAPD officers beating Rodney King flickered across our low-definition TVs 29 years ago, there was a collective sense in the Black community that we finally had the proof to vindicate and validate the claims of police abuse and harassment we had been making for decades.

But the powers that be saw things differently. A narrative was spun about the video not telling the entire story and had King simply complied with the officers, the beating never would have happened. The officers were acquitted.

And it is not to say that no punishment is ever meted out in these brutal encounters between Black men and the police. The officers involved in both the Walter Scott and Samuel DuBose cases were indicted for murder. The problem is that despite the growing number of videos, eyewitness accounts, and civilian complaints, there have been no widespread changes in police policy that have been prompted by the public release of abuse and harassment videos.

Each video creates a social media frenzy for a time until the public's diminutive attention span moves on to Twitter's latest trending topic.

And then what?

Through a combination of benign neglect of Black communities, obstinate refusal to entertain the concerns of activists, and callous indifference to generations of complaints about police harassment and abuse, police departments, politicians, and various public officials have given tacit endorsements to the methods the police employ. But what they have inadvertently done is create a situation whereby the most effective means for Black people to get a redress of grievances is a riot.

Are riots the best solution? No.

Are riots they the most efficient solution? No.

Are riots the safest solution? No.

Have riots produced more immediate tangible changes in personnel and policy than all of the solemn marches and candlelight vigils combined? Without question.

In short, riots work ... to a degree.

“THE CONSEQUENCE OF INACTION”

Watts, California — 1965

After what should have been a routine traffic stop spiraled out of control, six days of rioting ensued that led to 34 deaths, more than 1,000 injuries, 4,000 arrests, and the destruction of more than 1,000 buildings, resulting in $40 million in damages.

It was only after the Watts Riots in 1965 that the McCone Commission was convened to investigate the root causes of the riot, spending three months interviewing hundreds of people and compiling documents, statistics and information to produce a report that determined the root causes to be, among other things, unemployment, poor education, inferior healthcare, housing, and transportation, and poor police-community relations.

The commission made recommendations to the California governor and other powers that prevailed at the time stating, “Improving the quality of Negro life will demand adjustments on a scale unknown to any great society. The programs we are recommending will be expensive and burdensome. And the burden, along with the expense will fall on all segments of our society — On the public and private sectors, on industry and labor, on company presidents and hourly employees.

“We recommend that law enforcement agencies place greater emphasis on their responsibility for crime prevention as an essential element of the law enforcement task and that they institute improved means for handling citizen complaints and community relationships.

“The consequences of inaction, indifference, and inadequacy, we can all be sure now, would be far costlier in the long run than the cost of correction. If the city were to elect to stand aside, the walls of segregation would rise even higher. The disadvantaged community would become more and more estranged and the risk of violence would rise. The cost of police protection would increase and yet, would never be adequate.”

Although the commission’s recommendations, while met with some criticism, went largely unimplemented on the scale they advised, the detailed examination of the underlying socioeconomic conditions that set the table for the riots would not have taken place absent the riots.

Most importantly, the commission’s findings regarding the lack of healthcare access led directly to the creation of Los Angeles County Southeast General Hospital, later to be known as Martin Luther King Jr. General Hospital — a facility that despite serious problems that forced its closing in 2007, has been reorganized and rebuilt and continues to serve area residents to this day.

“TWO SOCIETIES”

Detroit, Michigan — 1967

Following the 1967 Detroit Riots that began with a police raid on an illegal after-hours club and culminated with 43 deaths, more than 7,000 arrests, 1,400 buildings burned, and approximately $50 million in property damage, President Lyndon Johnson convened the National Advisory Commission on Civil Disorders, otherwise known as the Kerner Commission, to examine the causes of disturbances in Detroit and other cities between 1965 and 1968.

Several months later the commission came to the conclusion that “Our nation is moving toward two societies, one black, one white — separate and unequal. … Discrimination and segregation have long permeated much of American life; they now threaten the future of every American. This deepening racial division is not inevitable. The movement apart can be reversed. Choice is still possible. To pursue our present course will involve the continuing polarization of the American community and, ultimately, the destruction of basic democratic values. The alternative is not blind repression or capitulation to lawlessness. It is the realization of common opportunities for all within a single society. This alternative will require a commitment to national action — compassionate, massive, and sustained, backed by the resources of the most powerful and the richest nation on this earth. From every American, it will require new attitudes, new understanding, and, above all, new will.

“Segregation and poverty have created in the racial ghetto a destructive environment totally unknown to most white Americans. … What white Americans have never fully understood but what the Negro can never forget — is that white society is deeply implicated in the ghetto. White institutions created it, white institutions maintain it, and white society condones it.”

The Kerner report provided three primary recommendations, similar to those from the McCone Commission:

- Mount programs on a scale equal to the dimension of the problems

- Aim these programs for high impact in the immediate future to close the gap between promise and performance

- Undertake new initiatives and experiments that can change the system of failure and frustration that now dominates the ghetto and weakens our society.

Along with the searing report, identifying “white racism” as a root cause of the unrest, the riots in Detroit led several years later to the election of Coleman Young, the city’s first Black mayor who integrated the city's overwhelmingly white police force. Young began his two decades of service with an inauguration address that didn’t shy away from the issues raised in the report and experienced by the people in the community.

“We must build a new people-oriented police department. And then you and they can help us to drive the criminals from our streets. I issue open warnings now to all dope pushers, to all rip-off artists, to all muggers: It’s time to leave Detroit. Hit Eight Mile Road!" Young said. “And I don’t give a damn if they’re black or white, if they wear Superfly suits or blue uniforms with silver badges. Hit the road!”

“TINDERBOX”

Los Angeles, California — 1992

In April 1992, within an hour after a jury acquitted five officers of assault and the use of excessive force in the videotaped beating of Rodney King, the L.A. Riots began. By the time the dust settled and the 4,000 National Guardsmen arrived with automatic weapons and armored vehicles, 54 people (mostly Koreans and Latinos) had been killed, 2,499 people were injured, 6,559 people were arrested, more than 7,000 fires were set, and more than 1,100 businesses were damaged (94-percent of the destroyed buildings were commercial), at a cost of $1 billion in property damage.

In the aftermath, the California State Assembly issued a report entitled "To Rebuild is Not Enough." Similar to the reports issued by other commissions in the wake of riots, the California report featured numerous recommendations, including:

- Creating a California Community Reinvestment Act to meet the credit and capital needs of low and moderate-income communities

- Supporting small business development in the impacted areas

- Supporting neighborhood family service organizations to help low-income families gain access to and control of the delivery of social services resources available in their communities

- Increasing the number of minority judges within the county court system

- Creating a California urban community relations agency to provide funding for research, conduct seminars on current community conflicts and resolution strategies, and to develop models for organizing in diverse communities.

Rebuild L.A.

In the days following the riots Los Angeles Mayor Tom Bradley announced plans for Rebuild L.A., a public-private partnership designed to leverage the power of private-sector businesses to help rebuild the impacted area physically and re-equip residents for new workforce opportunities.

The project revolved around four strategies designed to encourage inner-city investment:

- Creation of new jobs and local business ownership

- Improvement of workforce skills

- Improvement of access to capital

- Support for community-based organizations and programs.

Rebuild L.A. raised an estimated $300 million and had some successes to show, but just two years in a massive earthquake devastated the Northridge section of Los Angeles, causing 20 times the financial damage of the riots, and diverting attention, money, and resources away from South Central, leaving a mixed legacy. Despite lingering criticism, Rebuild L.A. represented the most significant socioeconomic investment in long-neglected South Central and laid the groundwork for the area’s late ’90’s retail renaissance fronted by former NBA superstar Magic Johnson.

The Christopher Commission

Perhaps the most significant development to come in the aftermath of the ’92 riots was the beginning of long-overdue reform of the LAPD, one of the most notoriously villainous police forces in the country.

Following the release of the Rodney King beating video Mayor Tom Bradley established the Christopher Commission to investigate the police department and its practices. He also called for the resignation of LAPD Chief Daryl Gates. Gates refused to resign and was not obligated to do so as a result of civil service protection he was afforded, even though the Christopher Commission pointed to his removal as a key part of reforming the department.

The commission also found that the use of excessive force was rampant in the department and was exacerbated by bias and racism and essentially endorsed by a departmental management structure that rendered public complaints meaningless. Between 1986 and 1990, less than two-percent of excessive force complaints were upheld.

The Justice Department and Civil Rights

The day after the riots began the Justice Department announced it would be investigating the officers involved in the Rodney King beating, contending that the officers violated King’s civil rights. This strategy would be repeated in the years and decades to come, especially in cases involving police abuse, to try and blunt the potential for rioting by having federal officials announce that the Justice Department would be bringing civil rights charges against the accused.

This strategy was two-fold — Provide evidence to an angry citizenry that something proactively punitive is being done to move toward justice, and offer a backstop against another verdict similar to the King beating trial that could lead directly to rioting.

The Webster Commission

The Los Angeles Board of Police Commissioners ordered the convening of the Webster Commission to investigate LAPD performance during the riots. The final report concluded that it was a combination of factors that created the conditions that preceded the riots and laid out 16 basic recommendations to prevent future riots that included changes to LAPD structure, planning, and procedures. Additionally, the report highlights the underlying social problems that turned L.A. into a “tinderbox.”

“I THOUGHT HE HAD A GUN”

Cincinnati, Ohio — 2001

Outside a Cincinnati nightclub in April 2001 an off-duty police officer approached 19-year-old Timothy Thomas who had a warrant for his arrest related to at least a dozen traffic citations. Thomas began to run, leading to a pursuit involving additional officers that culminated when officer Stephen Roach turned down an alley in pursuit and fired a single gunshot that struck Thomas in the heart, killing him at the scene. In the subsequent investigation, Roach claimed that he thought Thomas had a gun and was reaching toward his waistband to pull it out. No gun was found. Thomas was unarmed and was the 15th Black male shot and killed by the Cincinnati Police in the five years preceding the incident. The shooting led to six days of riots, hundreds of injuries and arrests, and approximately $5 million in property damage.

Community Action Now

Less than a month before the riot a federal class-action lawsuit was brought by the ACLU and Cincinnati Black United Front alleging decades of racial profiling by the Cincinnati Police Department. The presiding judge ordered a mediation between the plaintiffs, the city, and the police department to produce a solution she believed litigation could not achieve.

The effort, given an additional sense of urgency by the riots, was ultimately approved by the plaintiffs, the city council, and the police union, eventually led to the development of Cincinnati Community Action Now (CAN). Comprised of community, business, and government representatives, the organization’s goals were to create substantial and sustainable change that reduces disparities; build upon successful programs in Cincinnati and elsewhere; and be inclusive, seeking viewpoints from all segments of Greater Cincinnati.

While it acknowledged frayed police-community relations as the precipitating issue, the organization identified four areas that needed to be addressed to tackle the underlying causes that led to the riots:

- Police and Justice System Improvement - a new relationship between police and community to reduce crime and replace adversarial relationships with a true partnership.

- Economic Inclusion and Development - more and better jobs for the most disadvantaged residents.

- Opportunities for Education and Youth Development - programs targeted at higher academic achievement, and the successful education of at-risk children.

- Housing and Neighborhood Development - better housing through increased homeownership and availability of affordable, quality housing for inner-city residents.

One year later the collaboration produced The Cincinnati Collaborative Agreement, arguably one of the most comprehensive plans enacted to improve police-community relations. The five-year agreement had five primary objectives:

- Establish police officers and community members as proactive partners in community problem-solving.

- Build relationships of respect, cooperation, and trust within and between police and communities.

- Improve education, oversight, monitoring, hiring practices, and accountability within the police department.

- Ensure fair, equitable, and courteous treatment for all.

- Create methods to enhance the public’s understanding of police policies and procedures and to recognize exceptional service to foster support for the police.

While there were difficulties faced regarding implementation and early police resentment, the results achieved speak for themselves:

- Training officers in hard to manage situations, like the “dark alley” where the triggering incident occurred

- Training in how to recognize possible mental health issues in suspects and to better handle mentally ill people

- Computers in officers' cruisers to provide access to a person's detailed and complete criminal record

- Foot pursuit policy changes to require that officers assess whether a pursuit is appropriate, considering the seriousness of the offense, whether the suspect is armed, and the ability to apprehend at a later date

- In late 2003, the City bought updated tasers for all officers after the death of an African-American suspect.

- Officers are now required to fill out "contact cards" when they stop vehicles. The cards include details about those in the car, including their race. The cards grew out of allegations that Cincinnati officers stopped more minority drivers than white drivers.

- A Citizens Complaint Authority was created in 2002 to conduct independent reviews of all serious uses of force by police officers.

After CAN completed its work in 2003, a coalition of 14 corporations and foundations came together in 2003 to create Better Together Cincinnati to provide resources for key projects and to explore ways to continue to address the issues raised through CAN’s work.

“UNCONSTITUTIONAL POLICING”

Ferguson, Missouri — 2014

On August 9, 2014, 18-year-old Michael Brown was shot and killed by Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson following a confrontation that ensued after Brown left a market where he had stolen a package of cigars. The accounts of what happened before the shooting vary depending on whom you believe. Forensic evidence showed Brown was not shot in the back, his hands were most likely not raised at the time of the shooting, and a struggle of some type occurred between the two at the officer’s vehicle which was stopped approximately 150-feet from where Brown was fatally shot.

The following day peaceful protests eventually gave way to rioting that lasted more than a week. In retrospect, some of the contributing factors to the violence were the multiple claims that Brown was shot and killed while surrendering or shot in the back while fleeing — all of which were considered plausible due to the deteriorated state of police-community relations.

Similar to other cities, it was the rioting and the attention brought to Ferguson that eventually exposed a legacy of police corruption and abuse directed toward the Black community.

It was the attention brought by the riots that prompted President Obama to address the incident, giving it national and international prominence.

It was the attention brought by the riots that led Attorney General Eric Holder to launch a Justice Department investigation that revealed widespread, institutionally sanctioned racial profiling.

It was the attention brought by the riots that prompted a review of federal programs that provide military-style weapons and equipment to law enforcement agencies across the country.

It was the attention brought by the riots that led to the resignation of five city officials.

It was the attention brought by the riots that exposed racially-biased, profit-driven law enforcement in Ferguson.

It was the attention brought by the riots that led to an overhaul of the local court system that used arrest warrants to extort residents.

It was the riots that ultimately led to the resignation of the former Ferguson Police Chief, Thomas Jackson, and made improving community relations a top priority for incoming Police Chief Delrish Moss.

It was the riots that prompted President Barrack Obama to request $260 million in government funding to pay for 50,000 body cameras and police training.

It was the riots that led President Obama to convene the Task Force on 21st Century Policing to identify problems and make recommendations to improve policing practices nationwide.

Multiple investigations and a grand jury found officer Wilson acted in self-defense.

The Justice Department investigation found “the emphasis on revenue has compromised the institutional character of Ferguson’s police department, contributing to a pattern of unconstitutional policing … police and municipal court practices both reflect and exacerbate existing racial bias, including racial stereotypes.”

“EXPLICITLY DISCRIMINATORY”

Baltimore, Maryland — 2015

On April 12, 2015, 25-year-old Freddie Gray was arrested by Baltimore City Police officers and placed inside a police transport van. Video of the final moments of Gray’s arrest shows Gray facedown on the sidewalk with two officers holding him in place as he repeatedly screams out in pain. When additional officers arrive moments later, Gray is lifted and dragged to the van as his right leg hangs limp the entire time.

What occurs next is a mystery, even if you believe the claims made by the Baltimore Police Department. How many stops did the van make between Gray’s arrest and the time it reached the police station? Two? Three? Six? What was done to Gray en route to the police station? Why did it take the van 45 minutes to reach a station four blocks away? What happened before the video recording began? Was he tased? Why were certain eyewitnesses never interviewed? Did Gray ask for an asthma inhaler? How did Gray end up unconscious, not breathing, with a nearly severed spinal cord?

What is not a mystery is that Freddie Gray arrived at the West District police station and was treated by paramedics before being taken to the University of Maryland Medical Center in a coma. He died on April 19.

Protests were held in the days following his death, but as more information, accurate and conflicting, was revealed tensions mounted. On the day of Freddie Gray’s funeral, that tension boiled over and turned into a full-blown riot that led to 250 people arrested, 144 vehicle fires, and approximately $9 million in damage to businesses.

While the six officers involved went unpunished following unsuccessful attempts to win convictions, a Justice Department investigation and report that followed outlined widespread discrimination and other abuses by the Baltimore Police Department, finding that “supervisors have issued explicitly discriminatory orders, such as directing a shift to arrest 'all the black hoodies' in a neighborhood,” and “(Baltimore Police Department practices) "perpetuate and fuel a multitude of issues rooted in poverty and race, focusing law enforcement actions on low-income, minority communities" and encourage officers to have "unnecessary, adversarial interactions with community members.”

Other findings included:

- Police too often stopped, frisked, and arrested residents without legal justification, disproportionately impacting Black residents, even though police were more likely to find illegal guns, illicit drugs, and other contraband on white residents.

- Police routinely and intentionally misclassified citizen complaints about racial slurs used by officers.

- Police fail to meaningfully investigate reports of sexual assault, particularly for assaults involving women with additional vulnerabilities, such as those who are engaged in sex work.

- Police officers often used excessive force in situations where it was not warranted.

- Police officers routinely used excessive force against individuals deemed to be verbally disrespectful towards police.

- Police officers routinely used excessive force and engaged in “unnecessarily violent confrontations” with individuals with mental health issues.

- Police officers routinely used the same excessive force tactics against juveniles that they used against adults.

- Police officers were not given adequate supervision or training and systemic problems were allowed to go unchecked.

- Failures in the areas of recruitment and retention were also allowed to go unchecked, creating circumstances under which officers were “forced to work overtime after long shifts, lowering morale, and leading to officers working with deteriorated decision-making skills.”

The Justice Department findings led to a court-enforced consent decree, an agreement that would hold the city accountable for making policing reforms and subject it to federal monitoring for years to come.

“DON’T KILL ME”

Minneapolis, Minnesota — 2020

On May 25, 2020, after he was accused of passing a counterfeit $20 bill, Minneapolis Police officers attempted to take 46-year-old George Floyd into custody. As bystander video begins, Floyd is seen lying handcuffed, facedown in the street with officer Derek Chauvin’s knee pressed into his neck for nearly 9 minutes, the last 3 of which Floyd is unresponsive. Two other officers out of camera view are also involved in keeping Floyd pinned to the ground while a fourth officer ignores pleas from onlookers to check on Floyd’s condition.

During the incident, Floyd can be heard repeatedly stating, “I can’t breathe,” and “don’t kill me” until he becomes unresponsive and is taken to Hennepin County Medical Center where he is pronounced dead less than two hours after the initial incident began.

On May 26, following the release of the video, as public outrage began to grow, all four officers involved in the incident were fired.

On May 27 as calls grew for the officers to be arrested, rioting began.

On May 28 rioting expanded with multiple businesses damaged and the Minneapolis Police Department Third Precinct building burned down.

On May 29 Hennepin County’s prosecutor announced charges of third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter against Chauvin.

Despite the arrest rioting expanded to more than 100 cities across the United States as protesters demand all of the officers involved in Floyd’s death are arrested and charged.

Your move America.

#George Floyd #Oscar Grant #Michael Brown #Riots #Police abuse #Freddie Gray #Watts Riots #Timothy Thomas #philando castile #Samuel Dubose

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equinelites · 7 years

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Learning to LOVE yourself is as easy as knowing what your needs are, and taking action to meet them.

The Problem with Trumpian Thinking, part two.

As I said in my earlier blog on Trumpian thinking, there is a major challenge when one person thinks they know what is right for anyone but themselves. I outlined these problems in the earlier blog but in this one I am going to address the subject of needs.

When someone believes they know what another needs, they learn to not listen when the other talks about what they need. Because, if they already “know” what the other needs, there is no reason to listen, because after all, they already know. …………

This issue is a serious problem in relationships when this dynamic exists.

I have been in many types (family, friend, romantic, work, etc) of relationships with people who believe they know what I need. And, until I realized that no one can really know what I need, unless first they are willing to know, and then be willing to listen when I am speaking about my needs, the relationship would always be unequal. That is, the other was always “in charge”, deciding what needs are met based on their own perception.

Needs are important.

Here is why: The way a good parent lets their child know they are loveable, worthy and precious, is by meeting their needs. This process of letting the child know they are loveable and worthy begins as soon as the child is born!!!

When a new born has discomfort and the parent attends to the child and helps the baby become comfortable again, the newborn begins to get a sense (even though it is not completely cognitive), perhaps a “felt sense”, that they are important and when they are uncomfortable and cry, their parent tends to their needs. Thus the parent, by tending to the baby’s needs helps the baby learn to love themselves. The parent teaches the child that their needs are important. And, this process of a parent letting their child know their needs are important goes on and on and on as long as the parent is willing to be “present” and listens to their child’s needs.

I do “learning to love yourself”-workshops for adults and the essence of the workshop is to help the adults do three things:

1. Identify what their needs are

2. Help them know what would meet these needs and

3. Support them in taking this action.

So, when one adult acts as if they know what the “other” needs, they are being unloving. Period.

When a person believes they know what someone “outside” (which is everyone) of themselves needs, they are being arrogant or grandiose and have gone into a “1-up” position.

However, this stance of going into that 1-up position can only take place IF there is someone who is willing to go into a 1-down position and fall into Shame. This is a tragic dynamic that is present in many if not most relationships. And, we need to become conscious of this so that it can be stopped.

The pattern is most often stopped by the person in the 1-down position because when a person operates in the 1-up position believing they know what the other needs, they feel good. They have a sense of control and well-being and they often do not want to lose this position. So, they find people who will support their position of 1-up by going 1-down.

Here are two examples of this sick dynamic

Work Example

All names and locations have been changed

There was a wealthy family that had a business that needed to be managed. The wealthy family was so busy that they did not really care how the business was managed as long as they got their money. That is, they leased the business to a manager that was used to be in the 1-up position. Feigned Confidence is a hallmark of a person who lives in 1-upmanship.

The business had a very desirable product and thus, the manager found a lot of people who wanted the product, and the manager let the people who wanted the product know that they could consume or partake of the product as long as they did EXACTLY what he wanted them to do. So, the people who used the product constantly walked around in fear that if they crossed the manager at all, he would take the product away from them. The consumers of the product stayed in the 1-down position thinking that the product was worth more than the loss of self esteem they had around this manager.

Friendship example

Two women had been friends for over 30 years. The challenge was that friend A had been made to think that her childhood family was more important than everyone around her. Friend A continued to live like this even after becoming an adult and getting married, treating others as if they were just a little less important than her. Friend B had been made to think that her family was “less than” others, since they had a lot of money challenges.

Thus, this was a perfect set up for Friend A and Friend B to have an unequal relationship in which A’s needs were always more important than Bs.

B started becoming conscious of this dynamic however, and began telling A that this was not OK. Though A did her best to try to understand and to try to make B’s needs important too, she simply could not do it. A finally had to walk away from the unequal relationship. She lost a friendship but walked away with more self esteem, knowing she had become conscious of the inequality in the relationship, found her voice to talk about it and walked away when A simply could not respond to B and make her needs important too. Here is a caveat though: Many people who have lived their life in the 1-up position, often say things like: “Well, I am just self-centered and I am working on not being like this”, or “I learned this from my parents and I don’t think I can unlearn this”, or “Come on, you know I love you”, or “I bought you this gift to let you know you are important to me”.

Here is the way for all of you Bs to address this problem.

First, you need to be willing to find your voice. Well before this, you have to be willing to acknowledge that being around others who think they know what you need is not satisfactory any longer. You may have learned to go into the “1-down” position but you must be willing to admit that you do not want to live like this any longer.

Second, you most likely need to do some internal healing about what caused you to live your life as if your needs are less important than those around you.

Third, Connect with your Authentic self, become aware of what you need.

Fourth, Connect with your voice and begin to know that if there is inequality in any of your relationships, you are going to have to do something about this first, as mentioned above.

Fifth, discover what your soul’s purpose is and be willing to know that the fulfillment of this purpose is more important than any satisfaction you receive from being in unequal relationships.

Sixth, master, the Feedback Wheel Communication tool. I will send you a copy just for the asking.

In Summary, many people who support #45’s agenda like to think he knows what they need and will take actions to fulfill their needs. One person cannot do this. It does indeed take all of us working together.

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#trumpian thinking #learning to love yourself #needs awareness #-1up vs1-down #inequality in relationships

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