#and two steps back. that's still progress. inch yourself across. dont give a shit what people think.

[pendraegon]

i'm so happy for you going to grad school! it weirdly makes me feel relieved as someone has always thought about it but felt like it was "too late." i hope that doesn't sound weird or like i'm calling you old sdsdf, i just mean that it can feel like you missed out if you didn't apply right out of undergrad. so many people younger than me are already a year or two into phd programs, and it just feels good to see someone make it happen a couple years later. so thank you and congrats!!!

🥺 first of all hello!!! and thank you so much for this sweet message omg it really means a lot to me to know that there were so many people cheering me on like ??? i don’t think i can quite put it into words but it really really warms my heart and i hope that whatever endeavor you're currently in that you're smashing it as well!!!!

but i TOTALLY get what you mean by feeling like it might be “too late” or feeling “too old” about grad school like….. i originally applied for a phd program wayyy back for fall 2020 in a field i didn't really have any background in and due to both covid + like. other factors im sure lol i didn't get in and it was a bit crushing there for a month or two i'm going to be honest. but i don't know... in hindsight it's like...i grew so much as a person even from the time i graduated undergrad till now, like i don't think the me in 2020 and me now in 2022 are comparable because even though i'm still the same at my core, the difference feels so vast in both how i think and how i react and how i subsequently handle things?? i feel like being able to have some time to not only invest in myself by treating myself better, by understanding myself better, by actually thinking about why i wanted to go to grad school and what i want to actually do (surprise surprise i'm going back for my MA in one of my undergrad majors alskjdfoksafda) and most importantly being able to have some experience outside of school it's all culminated in me being a lot clearer in what it is i want and being absolutely sure in if i REALLY do want it or not. undergrad was very difficult for me because i was pressured in doing a major at first that did not agree with me and i felt that i was always doing what people expected of me, and in a way, my initial PhD application back in 2020 was a manifestation of that as well... i think i mentioned it here briefly but i really did also feel uneasy in applying for a masters vs a phd but i talked to some professors and it seemed like the best course for me especially since i've been out of a school for a few years as well as it's a good test run to see if i actually WANT to do research (i'm pretty sure i do based off of that one grad seminar i took though lol)... like...i dunno, i used to stress so much about time and about losing it and not being enough but.....this is my road and i'm paving it and if i'm going at a difference pace than anyone, well, i'm going to have so much fun on the journey and whatever my destination will be i don't think i'll regret it because we're just on different trajectories and i don't think there's anything wrong with that at all.

#anyways. everyone listen to me. my cumulative undergrad gpa was a 2.99 bc of my first few years as an engineer student decimated me #AND i got put on academic probation as an engineering student and then i switched to doing what i was actually interested in regardless #of who said what or whatever and here i am now #in a fucking top 10 MA program like............ #it's okay if you do badly. it's okay if you feel hopeless. it's okay if you feel like everything is going to shit. it's okay to feel angry #and sad and to cry. but always remember. what can you learn from this. what can you take from this. #what can you do to pick yourself up and become better? become more you?? #im not ashamed at all really of my gpa or being on academic probation like. my engineering classes taught me a lot #both material wise and about how i handled problems in a way that my then two BAs didn't and like....i don't think #i would be quite the person i am now without it. i hope this doesn't come across as like...preachy or anything i just wanted #to point out that even when everything is hopeless and you feel like shit. you have to brush yourself up. even if you take one step forward #and two steps back. that's still progress. inch yourself across. dont give a shit what people think. #people who matter won't care about it and you shouldn't either. and remember!!!!!!! the destination's fun and all but have fun along the #way. if you don't have fun what's the point?? #oh my god im so sorry this is so long ASODIFKLMASDFOA if u read all of this i love u #anon #anonymous